Chapter 8:

Country: Japan

Population: 127 Million

Infected: 67%

Date: Wednesday • April 1 • 2017

Point of View: Ouran Group

Haruhi stared at the contact, letting her phone buzz.

It was annoying, as if saying: "I know you can see it, but did you really see it? Let me make sure by buzzing for the next few minutes!"

"Do you feel loved by any of them?"

Haruhi snapped her head towards Ayanokoji. Who's arms were folded, and her eyes narrowed.

Those first memories of a sweet, mature smile seemed to be a creation curtesy of Haruhi's imagination, now.

"What?"

"Do you feel loved? Or do you feel controlled?"

Haruhi raised an eyebrow. Letting the call drop unconsciously as the incessant buzzing stopped.

"Why: "Or"?"

"Because it has to be an: "Or". I had to learn this early on in life, most of our classmates did. But it's impossible to love someone while controlling them at the same time."

Haruhi blinked, as if waiting for her to say: "Nevermind, it was a joke".

Nothing like that came.

Instead, Ayanokoji glanced towards Renge, who was across the room relaxing.

"Do you know why I haven't responded to her, yet?"

Haruhi had to shake her head. Completely blindsided by what seemed like such a sudden change in topic.

Renge's question was now far too obvious to be ignored, which, somehow, Ayanokoji had been doing.

It was to the point where simply asking the question aloud would have been subtle in comparison.

"Because I want her first real relationship to be compatible. And in order to be compatible, both of us need to be able to know when to get closer, or back farther away. Think of it like a rope,"

Ayanokoji left briefly, digging through the props closet until finding a long, red thread. And spreading it out across two closed fists.

"Renge holds one end,"

She lifted her left hand.

"I hold the other."

She lifted her right.

"Now, normally it's like this, both of us have to work together to not strain ourselves, or the rope. The rope—the relationship in this analogy—is left a little loose, and it needs to be so that it doesn't snap, but if it's too loose, it'll touch the ground and grow cold."

Haruhi nodded, curious to see where she was going.

"Now, in certain circumstances, one of us could make the rope looser for the other to process emotions if they need space. Alternatively, we can tighten it and become closer to comfort each other. This is perfectly healthy. However,"

Ayanokoji's right hand leaned forward, grabbing a bunch of the thread in a loop, pulling it tight.

"If one of us decided to grab a clump of rope, which they don't need, to feel secure, that's a problem. It's one thing to tighten or loosen the rope a little so that you figure out those insecurities. But doing it like this?"

She pulled tighter to illustrate her point fully. Knuckles going white, and face showing pain through a wince.

"It's putting unnecessary strain on the rope. When the other starts pulling to try and get the space they need, the one possessing the most rope will only grow more persistent in keeping it. Controlling the relationship."

The red thread was now much thinner than before.

"When that happens, the one with the most rope becomes so focused on keeping their control, that they don't even regard the person on the other end of it anymore. They don't love the person. They just love the power in the rope at that point. And, eventually..."

The red thread snapped, fists flying apart so hard that Ayanokoji was nearly knocked off her feet.

"The relationship is lost."

She shook her head, rubbing her sore, bright red palms after she set the torn thread down.

"Please believe me when I say I know how this works. You cannot love someone while controlling them at the same time. So, again,"

When they made eye contact this time, it seemed more real.

More intense.

"Haruhi, do you feel loved? Or controlled?"

Haruhi had no clue what to say.

"I mean, I feel like that has to be false... I do feel like I have less space, but they love me, still."

Ayanokoji's normally cold eyes showed a concerned warmth.

"I've had enough experiences with this. They don't see you, Haruhi. They just see the rope they stole last year. Based on what you and Hikari were talking about, you're planning on letting your end go, right?"

Haruhi's phone buzzed again, her body tensing.

And immediately looking to Ayanokoji.

"So, what about this?"

She held up her phone to illustrate the point.

Was she to ignore him?

Yell at him?

What?

"Be general, lie if you have to. Don't let them find a weak spot to exploit. Use this to find out for sure how you feel."

Haruhi nodded once.

Picking up the call.

"Hello?"

"I'm sorry."

Haruhi blinked.

This had to be the last thing she expected Kyoya to say to her.

Especially with that tone.

Seeing as how jarring Kyoya's reply was, Haruhi found it reasonable to jump to whatever subject was being brought up.

"Have you been crying?"

Damn, I must really be too easy to read.

"Perhaps."

"Why?"

Kyoya swallowed.

Had this subject been eating away at her like it was to him?

Was she affected worse?

What?

"Because I don't know how someone could be so disgusted with themselves. I almost—I almost want to leave because of what I did to you, but I also feel as if I don't deserve the easy way out. The issue is that I don't know which way is harder."

Kyoya wanted to slap himself.

None of that should have made it to Haruhi, who was likely already overwhelmed somewhat.

"What I mean is, I—I'm so sorry. For everything. For not giving you a break before I asked you out. For not noticing that that moment was forced. That everything was forced. That I was scaring you. That I told anybody about what happened to begin with... I just—"

Kyoya took a breath.

"I just don't know. I don't know if the best thing I can do to make up for everything is to simply not exist anymore, or to do... Something... I don't know what. I just—I just want you to know that I want to make things right. Whether that be lying for you, standing up for you, anything."

Haruhi gripped the phone a little tighter.

"I might need a minute to think about that, but, thank you."

Somehow, it felt as if that reply made it better, and worse.

Better because they were now a step closer to being on, decent, terms again.

Worse because Kyoya instead wanted her to yell at him. Or to at least say that she didn't forgive him.

The call ended as quickly as it started. Haruhi was stuck.

Several emotions flew about in her head.

But she had no clue what they were, or why she was feeling them.

It was overwhelming.

But, calm, at the same time.

Across the room, Ayanokoji had gone to sit beside Renge—mostly because she energetically waved her over.

"What was that bit of demonstration about?"

Ayanokoji had less than two ideas on how exactly to reply to the question. But those two replies were risky in their own rights.

So, she went with the honest approach.

"Oh, did that, have anything to do with...?"

Renge didn't need to finish to complete her thought.

Ayanokoji could only nod.

She wanted Renge's first relationship to be compatible.

So either she would accept her despite the confession.

Or move on to someone else—ideally someone less risky of a partner.

"Yes. I'm sorry that I haven't been responsive. But I wanted to go into this with everything figured out."

Ayanokoji, once letting the words out, felt lighter.

Was Renge the first person she was telling this to?

In detail?

"Because I once played both roles."

Renge was still listening, so she continued.

An image of a thinner young man with light brown hair.

"My first relationship, it started out well. But, I suppose he waited until I was comfortable before he showed who he really was. I was the one being controlled, and the following six months was a special type of hell that I wouldn't have wished on my worst enemy."

Ayanokoji took a deep breath, this next part could either make or break everything.

"But I'm sure you've guessed by now, I wound up doing the same to my last relationship. It was a more on and off one from the start. And we'd agreed to keep it private until both of us were ready. Obviously, we didn't make it to that point. He puts on this act of being a flirt, and I took that to heart. Too much in fact, because I also started asking him to cut ties with other women that he was close with, knowing that it was unreasonable."

This time, a faint image of short, blonde hair and violet eyes was visible.

"Then I took it too far by trying to frame this other person he was speaking to. And we broke up after that."

It was hard to mistake who she was talking about.

She laughed, weakly.

"I suppose he wound up picking up more habits from me than I wanted him to. Maybe that's just how it works. You know how painful it is to be controlled, so you become insecure and skittish when the next relationship comes around. And then you do the same thing, fearing that it'll happen again."

Renge frowned.

"You don't blame yourself for how Tamaki is treating Haruhi, do you?"

Ayanokoji shrugged.

"I don't know."

Her eyes sharpened again.

"What I do know is that I'm having a word with him the next time I see him."