I hope everyone had a great holiday and Happy New Year! Just a short filler chapter, I've been focused on my girls along with more of the story I'm still working on about my own life. I love this story too though. Thank you for your patience.

Rachel seemed pretty content until Shelby started to stand up from the rocking chair and then her bottom lip quivered and tears welled in her eyes.

"Oh my, it's okay baby girl—mommy's got you," Shelby said, sitting back down in the chair and holding the baby close to her chest.

"What can mommy do for you right now love bug?" Shelby asked, not really knowing if things were going to get better or worse at the moment or the day in general. She knew her sister, nieces and nephew along with Cassie were downstairs and honestly didn't know if they were going to make it down there at all.

Rachel's tears started back up and Shelby just went with her gut meaning, she sang: again. She would sing forever if that's what it took to help her little one; it broke her heart seeing Rachel so upset right now, clearly not knowing what was going on herself leaving Shelby completely clueless as well as to what was going on.

I've kept my head down grinding,

Just looked up and realized it, damn…it's been a year.

And I ain't saying' it ain't been a good one,

It's been a did a lot more than I thought I could one.

It's been, three hundred sixty five record lows and records highs

Loving and losing, fun and confusing, praying and shifting gears.

Rachel was slowly settling again although her little hiccups and tear stained cheeks were breaking Shelby. The mother wiped her little ones tears away and continued singing to her peanut hoping things would improve.

It's been a year…

And I ain't saying it ain't been a good one,

It's been a did a lot more than I thought I could one.

It's been, three hundred sixty five record lows and record highs

Loving and losing, fun and confusing, praying and shifting gears.

For the minute you got, it's probably a lot more than you wanna hear

So all I'll say is, it's been a year…

Rachel was now looking into Shelby's eyes as if she was truly taking in every word mommy was saying although she didn't know a lot of what was being said—of course she knew certain words but not all the meanings behind them.

Yeah, it's a been a year.

Before we raise a glass up to the next one,

Looking back it's damn sure been the best one.

Cheers to, three hundred sixty five record lows and record highs.

Loving and losing, fun and confusing, praying and shifting gears,

For the minute you got, it's probably a lot more than you wanna hear

If you're hanging around, I can tell you about it, but it might take another *bubba*

'Cause it's been a year, yeah it's been a year.

When Shelby finished the song she kissed Rachel's temple and said, "But we will get through it baby girl, we'll get through anything together."

They continued to rock for a while, so long that Cassie had come up the stairs during the end of the song and stood in the doorway as Shelby finished as tears welled in her own eyes. She had heard Shelby sing this song to Rachel before, more so when Shelby has felt vulnerable and like she hasn't been enough for Rachel—doubting herself just because she gets in her own head.

It is something Shelby is truly working on but Cassie knows it is a process just like Rachel getting stronger, healthier, and learning, Shelby is doing the same in her own way. This song along with the one Shelby sang prior which Cassie didn't hear this time were two that seemed to instantly calm Rachel down.

Neither women were sure if the baby truly understood the meanings but it was evident she always listened more to Shelby singing them than other songs. Who knows what goes through her little mind—either way, they always worked to settle the baby down.

Cassie learned from Addie what was going on along with where Shelby and Rachel were, and eventually found herself standing in the doorway wanting to know what was going on herself. She saw how heartbroken Addie was but decided to let the kids go play in on the trampoline and in the foam pit while she went to figure out what the next steps were.

Cassie didn't know if Rachel was feeling off today, didn't feel well, or if she just needed a little more alone time before meeting her cousins—Shelby would be the judge of that so in the meantime, she wasn't going to send Addie anywhere.

Now here she was, standing and watching the baby calm down almost falling asleep. They definitely didn't plan for this considering Rachel had already taken her nap today and wasn't due for another one until later. That being said, if she needs a nap, she needs a nap. Nobody would ever deny her that, just like they would never take away her safeties.

Shelby couldn't find it in herself to completely smile at the sight of her beautiful baby girl because she was worried about Rachel's reaction at the door and how she was acting now—Shelby wasn't sure if her little one was just not having it today, if she was starting to get sick again, or there was some other reason Rachel wasn't herself right now.

The baby's eyes started fluttering shut as her little hand rested on what was hers and Shelby knew another nap was about to start. She loved hearing mommy sing, getting mommy snuggles, and just being in mommy's arms. In her little mind, she herself really didn't know what was going on but something wasn't right; she was truly excited to meet more cousins, maybe just not today? She didn't know, she's just a baby.

Cassie walked over to them with a pacifier, Raffy and her blankie handing everything to Shelby one at a time. Shelby was so thankful for Cassie—the blonde was slowly learning everything she needed to know regarding Rachel and her little habits which was not only super cute to watch but made Cassie shine even brighter than she does to Shelby.

Shelby wrapped the blanket around her daughter while keeping the baby safely in her arms and put the giraffe off to the side for now. She knew Rachel was succumbing completely to her sleepy state and moving her right now would only cause her to wake up so she didn't move besides continuing to rock back and forth.

Cassie sat on the ottoman and watched Shelby in her new natural habitat—it honestly blew the blonde away at how quickly Shelby took to being a mother, she didn't know if it's just preprogrammed after giving birth even if she missed almost three years of her life or if it was just Shelby. Either way, it was absolutely breathtaking to watch and everyone commented on it.

Fifteen minutes later Shelby laid Rachel down in her bassinette, covered her little body with blankie, put Raffy in her arm, and made sure her binky was still secure after multiple kisses. "I love you angel, sweet dreams."

She then turned around and looked at Cassie who could immediately tell Shelby was holding back tears of her own after watching how upset her little one was. Shelby has been the epitome of strong since day 1 with Rachel, learning everything she'd gone through, finding a work/home life balance so quickly, the trial, and being Rachel's rock in the process.

But Shelby has broken down on multiple occasions, only allowing herself to do so when the baby is asleep as to not upset her in any way. Cassie opened her arms and Shelby fell right into them, letting out her tears however, not for as long as she truly would have liked which meant Cassie would be doing the same thing once Rachel went down for the night knowing they didn't have to worry about her waking up.

Stepping back, Shelby wiped her tears away then whispered, "I honestly have no idea what is going on—I don't know if she's getting sick again or if she's just not up for visitors today. I don't know whether to keep Addie and the kids here or have them come back, I don't want to be unfair to my nieces and nephew or my daughter."

Cassie was taking in everything Shelby said but it was hard to do because when Shelby gets like this she talks a mile a minute just like the rest of the Corcoran women—it must be a genetic thing because they all do it. Together, Cassie helped Shelby and herself take a giant deep breath before she said anything knowing it would help her girlfriend.

"It's completely up to you babe—we have no idea how long she's going to sleep right now, it could be a twenty minute nap for all we know or it could be a typical two hour nap. Addie said rescheduling is fine; she currently has the kids bouncing on the trampoline so we can go talk to her together or I can let her know tomorrow or another day might be better."

Shelby thought about her options and decided because she wasn't sure how Rachel would be when she woke up, it may be better to reschedule. Even though she was not completely positive, call it mothers intuition that Rachel wouldn't want to meet more cousins today. For whatever reason, today was not the day—hopefully they will figure out more when the baby wakes up.

Shelby and Cassie went downstairs, then downstairs again hearing kids squeals and giggling then suddenly Shelby was surrounded by all the kids just like Cassie was when she first opened the door. "Auntie Shelly!"

"Where's Rachel?" Anthony asked.

"Yeah, I thought we were gonna get to play with her," Amanda commented, confused as to why her aunt didn't have her baby cousin with her.

Shelby locked eyes with Addie for a minute, the sisters exchanging what needed to be said before Shelby squatted down to be closer in height with the kids, "I'm sorry cuties, Rachel is taking a nap. I know you've been having some fun down here with mommy and I'm hoping next weekend Rachel will be up for playing with you too. I think she's sick."

It didn't feel great lying to her nieces and nephew who all looked so hopeful and excited to meet the baby but Shelby honestly wasn't sure what to tell them—it's completely possible Rachel did pick something up and isn't feeling well. She didn't want to say you can come tomorrow if Rachel really is sick so she stuck to next weekend.

"Aw shucks," Lily said, hanging her head. She was so adorable with the little phrases she uses so often—it was unique to Lily and only Lily.

"I'm sorry, but we don't want you guys getting sick right?" Shelby said hopefully, knowing her nieces and nephew weren't happy about how things went today. At least they got to jump on the trampoline and go in the foam pit for a while—but that's not why they came.

"I guess that makes sense; I don't want to get sick that's for sure," Amanda said, eyes wide thinking about it. She hated getting sick—out of all the nieces and nephews, Amanda was definitely the worst when sick.

"Me either," Anthony agreed with his sister. "But I still wanted to meet Rachel."

"I know buddy, Rachel really wanted to meet you too," Shelby brought him closer and hugged him.

Addie was sitting back listening to her kids but a little lost in thought because she could tell Shelby had been crying. She hated to think her sister was upset in anyway and didn't really know why which caused her to worry even more.

Because she didn't see the baby besides the back of her head, it's quite likely Rachel is truly sick—it's also a possibility she just isn't up for visitors and her sister was saying that to help the kids understand more seeing as they were younger and didn't know that much about Rachel's past.

"Alright, how about we let your baby cousin get some rest and plan for next weekend to come play?" Addie said, addressing her children.

She knew they were a bit disappointed however, being younger than the others meant they were happy to get the opportunity to jump on the trampoline and into the foam pit at least; they'd bounce back much faster than the other cousins seeing as they were older.

Everyone walked back upstairs and towards the front door, gave hugs to Auntie Shelly and Cassie then Addie gave the keys to Amanda telling them to go hop in and she'd be right there. Once the kids were out of earshot she hugged Cassie then looked at her sister.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Addie took the time to really study the younger brunette.

"I'm okay," Shelby said, although it wasn't very convincing. "I will be okay when I figure out what's going on with my baby girl. I'm sorry you came all the way here for nothing, she was truly very excited to meet the kids all morning so I'm not quite sure what's going on."

"Don't worry about us Shelly, just take care of my beautiful little itty bitty niece. Call me later and let me know how things are going. I love you," Addie said, hugging Shelby tightly and kissing her forehead like she always does.

Cassie and Addie exchanged another hug and then she was out the door leaving the blonde and Shelby there not knowing what to do. Shelby felt extremely guilty but at the same time knew it was best, and more important for Rachel, giving her time to figure out what's going on rather than forcing relationships that are bound to happen anyways seeing as they are family.

Cassie on the other hand really didn't know what was going on—she knew Shelby was upset, rightfully so, but didn't know how to comfort her because they had no way of knowing what was wrong with Rachel until she woke up.

Instead of saying anything, Cassie wrapped her arms around Shelby and kissed her cheek lovingly while rubbing her back. "We'll figure it out together babe, I promise."

Cassie felt tears staining through her shirt and continued to comfort her girlfriend—this was the second time Shelby had cried in the matter of about a half an hour and Cassie felt terrible. Shelby wasn't a huge crier to begin with, more so with everything she learned about Rachel and the life she had, how she could have been Shelby's all along, the trial, but those were very extreme.

Before that, it was on rare occasions where Shelby truly lost it—typically around November and December but besides that, Shelby always kept it together. So right now, Cassie felt a bit overwhelmed because she didn't know how to make it better and that's all she wanted to do.

That being said, it seemed as if the minute Shelby started to cry she stopped herself and was stepping out of Cassie's arms again. "I'm going to go upstairs and check on her, I can just feel something is off."

Cassie nodded and let her go knowing she needed a little bit of alone time with the baby and if something was truly wrong she'd be there in a minute. If not, Cassie would check on her in about a half an hour and see how things are going. It's likely Rachel will still be asleep so Shelby will just be watching the rise and fall of her little chest.

Shelby walked into the bedroom, changed into some comfy clothes, gently picked Rachel up and got on the bed laying the baby on her chest. She stroked through Rachel's fine hair after checking to see if she had a fever, which she didn't, thank goodness.

What is going on with you today baby girl, Shelby thought as she pressed a kiss to the top of the baby's head. Please don't let it be anything serious, she's been through enough.

Shelby honestly didn't know what was going on with herself today as well, there were so many tears that she typically kept at bay until when Rachel was asleep for the night—she was so emotional and really didn't know why. Rachel was feeling off and it was clearly getting to her which was very concerning seeing as they weren't in a new location, weren't trying something new, and she didn't seem sick.

That being said, her ear infection came out of nowhere as the baby was fine when April and Holly came over but the minute they sat down to eat lunch Shelby noticed her tugging on it. She was praying to whoever would listen that Rachel wasn't sick—praying it was just a fluke thing going on. Everyone has off days…right?

Rachel had been asleep for a little over an hour and Shelby had been upstairs with her for about 20 minutes when the baby started to stir. Shelby gently patted her bottom and kissed her head multiple times.

"Hi love bug," she said when Rachel picked her little head up showing those beautiful brown eyes.

"Mo-m-my," Rachel muttered through her binky then laid her head right back down on Shelby's chest and snuggled impossibly closer.

In her little mind, she couldn't really process everything that was happening with her; she just wanted to be with mommy and it seemed like mommy was okay with that which made her happy, but all of a sudden she started to cry and didn't know why.

"Oh baby, shh, shh, shh, mommy's got you, mommy's here," Shelby cooed. She hated seeing her daughter so upset especially right when she woke up seemingly calm so she started to sing: again.

Shelby would be lying if she said singing to her daughter wasn't one of her favorite parts of the day; she loved singing to her and would dream about it on numerous occasions during those almost three years apart.

If you like the way I walk, the way I talk, the hazel in my eyes

The songs I sing, how big I dream and laugh until I cry

Why my heart is on my sleeve and I scream when I hear Madonna,

Everything good in me, I got it from my mama, oh, oh, oh

I got it from my mama, oh, oh, oh.

*When I asked about her tattoos*, and I asked her if *they* hurt,

She laughed and said, 'honey, it's got nothing on giving birth'

Rachel's tears turned into little hiccups and Shelby sat up in the bed cradling her instead of them being chest to chest so she could look into those beautiful doe eyes. This typically calmed the baby down as it's how she fell asleep while nursing—the next thing Shelby knew, Rachel was tugging on her shirt.

She continued to sing as she lifted up her shirt and unclipped her nursing bra, the baby latching on right away claiming what was hers. Shelby started rubbing little circles on Rachel's cheek loving how smooth her skin always is and the small smile she saw from her daughter even while nursing.

From my freckles to my smile and how I have to have the last word

Yeah, if you ask my *siblings*, we'll *they'll* tell you it's all her

If you like the way I walk, the way I talk, the hazel in my eyes

The songs I sing, how big I dream and laugh until I cry

Why my heart is on my sleeve and I scream when I hear Madonna

Everything good in me, I got it from my mama, oh, oh, oh.

I got it from my mama, oh, oh, oh.

While the song would definitely describe Shelby and Rachel more accurately one day, that day wasn't right now because she was still too little—she changed some of the lyrics to avoid using the word father and the fact she herself was the one with two little tattoos and not her mother. Gosh, Katherine Corcoran with tattoos, that's a funny thought.

The baby had pointed to one of Shelby's tattoos a few times seeing as it's on her wrist—an extremely small outline of a star because 'stars are her thing'; the other one Rachel would most likely ask about when she was older and they were in bathing suits or if she saw her mother changing and understood what a tattoo was. Shelby has two music notes on her hip bone because music was also her thing.

That being said, the song just kind-of popped into her mind and that's how things typically went when she sang to Rachel. Whatever came to mind and obviously wasn't a crazy mature song that wouldn't be appropriate for a baby.

When she finished singing, Rachel was still nursing but was seemingly content and Shelby wiped her little cheeks to rid her of the tears she had cried. She wished more than anything she could figure out what was going on in her little ones mind but had absolutely no idea.

Cassie had heard Shelby singing on the baby monitor and figured Rachel was awake so she wasn't too concerned with staying downstairs. She decided to clean up a bit—being two neat freaks meant their house was very clean at all times but it helped her decompress, and when Shelby or Rachel was upset, Cassie carried that with her.

She always tried to be strong for her girlfriend because Shelby has already been through so much, and then Rachel has been through way too much for her little life that was now added to Shelby's life meaning staying strong was for the best. Cassie did let herself feel though—no, Rachel wasn't her daughter, but she loved the baby all the same.

Obviously the relationship between mother and daughter is much stronger than any other but she likes to think she comes pretty close to second along with nana and papa in the baby's eyes. Cassie has cried a few times in Katherine's arms while Shelby was doing her nightly routine with Rachel or putting her down for night and Cassie's part of the nighttime routine was over.

She's even cried with Shelby and her parents, Cassie in Katherine's arms while Shelby was in her fathers. The blonde felt so incredibly loved by all of the Corcoran's—each of Shelby's siblings texted her often to see how she was doing while also knowing Cassie had her phone around more often than Shelby who now misplaces it more than knowing where it is in the first place.

That thought made Cassie smile—being a big Broadway star and Tony Award winner Shelby always had her phone by her side or her assistant had it while she was on stage if she was performing in a matinee to make sure she didn't miss anything. Now Shelby is constantly asking Cassie if she knows where her phone is which the blonde finds ironic, oh how the times have changed.

When Rachel was finished nursing Shelby got a signature breast milk kiss which she was now used to and was very happy with because it was a normal thing for her little one to do—maybe she's feeling better? Shelby could only hope.

"Are you feeling a little extra snuggly today love bug? It seems like the perfect mommy and baby day, huh?" Shelby asked knowing she most likely wouldn't get a response, or if she did, it would be an agreement.

Rachel thought about the words mommy was saying and truly believed mommy had superpowers because she always knew what was going on when she couldn't communicate it herself.

"Mommy n me d-ay!" Rachel exclaimed crashing into Shelby with an oomph.

The relief Shelby felt hearing those words was exactly what she needed. She's okay, everything is okay. Nothing else mattered in that moment besides doing whatever Rachel wanted because she was okay, and that made Shelby feel so much better.

"Then that's exactly what we'll do monkey face. Should we watch a movie or go play?"

Rachel made one of her signature faces clearly deciding what she preferred to do, a face Shelby herself made, then responded "Mooie mommy da bid beb."

"Okay angel, we can watch a movie in the big bed," Shelby gave Rachel one more kiss then flipped her around turning on the tv.

She pulled up Disney plus and started searching through the movies—there were still so many they haven't watched because Rachel typically wanted to watch the same movie when they actually put one on.

Even on the few rainy days they've encountered since moving to Akron, the playroom and trampoline have taken up most of the day, and when the weather was nicer they went out to get Rachel used to the world outside of the house.

Fifteen minutes into the movie Cassie appeared in the doorway carrying a tray with popcorn for her and Shelby, baby puffs and fruit for Rachel along with two bottles of water and a sippy cup of juice.

After hearing through the baby monitor they were going to watch a movie, Cassie prepared some snacks for them and hoped she could join the movie day too—she'd be fine if Rachel just wanted to be with mommy though.

"Tassie! Wook mommy, Tassie ere!" Rachel turned around in Shelby's arms while pointing towards the door at the blonde.

"I see baby, it looks like Cassie brought us some snacks. Can she come watch the movie with us too?" Shelby asked after seeing Cassie giving her a questioning look.

"Eah mommy, aps me, me Tassie bimg aps!"

Cassie smiled and sat down on the bed with them putting the tray in the middle, Rachel reaching for the cut up strawberries right away. She truly loved strawberries more than anything, besides mommy's milp, they were her favorite.

Shelby leaned over and kissed Cassie as Rachel focused back on the movie holding the little cup so the baby could reach them easier than when they were on the tray. She mouthed a 'thank you' to her girlfriend, kissed the top of Rachel's head then picked up a piece of popcorn for herself while Cassie did the same.

Life is always filled with ups and downs—everyone has off days, moments where they just don't feel like themselves, and that's completely okay.

Today Rachel wanted to be with mommy and her Tassie only; she wasn't sick, she was no longer crying, she was laughing along with the movie while stuffing her face with fruit and baby puffs while in mommy's lap in the big bed. She was just a little baby who wanted a mommy/daughter and Tassie snuggle day.

Life was great and Shelby could breathe much easier now knowing her baby was perfectly fine.

I promise Addie and her family will be making their appearance

Songs:

Ashley Cooke: It's Been a Year

Honey Country: Got it From my Mama