Thanks for reading as always!

Ellie -

"Hmm look at that" Dina grabbed my arm and pulled it from left to right inspecting it with her beady eyes.

"It's only the outline. Cat still needs to finish off the shading" I replied, trying to defend the artwork on my forearm

"Hmm it's….Nice" She looked up at me with her eyebrows raised

I pulled my arm back out of her grip "Fuck off"

Dina put her hands in the air and lent back on the grass "Hey, I'm sure it will look just fine when it's finished"

I looked down at my arm, twisting it round as much as I could to get a good look at it "Yeah, I think it will"

Dina laughed and laid back resting her hands behind her head. The sun was beaming down onto her olive skin. She was wearing a white tank top and tight jeans that hugged her muscular legs. Her hair was up in a messy bun with some stay hairs falling onto her face. She looked so beautiful without even trying.

"What?" she interrupted my train of thought.

Shit was I just staring?

I moved my head trying to look at anything but Dina "nothing" I choked out.

She looked at me suspiciously for a second before a small smirk creeped onto her face as if she knew full well what she was just doing.

Did she notice?

"Anyway I've got something to tell you" I confessed

She sat up looking eager, her brown eyes growing bigger "go on"

"Well, last week when I was getting my tattoo from Cat" I glanced round to see if anyone was near by and leant in closer to Dina "She kissed me" I whispered

Dinas face changed to an expression I couldn't read. I wasn't sure if she was shocked, happy or fucked off. I looked at her waiting for a response but she said nothing, just laid back on the grass closing her eyes.

"Oh come on, you've got nothing to say?" I asked

"How was it?" she replied, her tone was unreadable

"Uhmm good, yeah" I was a little embarrassed at the question, Dina seemed a little off and I wasn't sure why. It was confusing the hell out of me. What was she doing?

"I'm just not so sure about Cat" she started "she seems nice and all but I dunno I'm not a fan, we don't really get on"

"Oh really? Well I kinda like her"

"Mmhmmm" was all Dina mustered in response

Why is she being so weird? If I didn't know any better I'd think she was jealous or something. But she can't be. She's not even into girls and she's with Jesse.

"Do you just like her because she's taken an interest in you or do you actually like the girl?" Dina probed

"Uhhhh I dunno, she's nice and she likes me, we have good banter too I guess" I felt like I was trying to convince myself now

Dina rolled over onto her stomach to look at me "We have good banter. Don't we?"

"Uhhhh yeah" I could feel the hot flush across my cheeks

"And I like you" she flashed that breathtaking smile of hers at me

"Oh fuck off, you know what I mean!" I playfully nudged her arm

Dina's smile faded and that unreadable look creeped back onto her face "yeah" She rolled back into the same position as before with her hands behind her head.

I'm so confused right now, she knows how to push my fucking buttons for sure

"Look Dina, I'd really appreciate it if you kinda tried to like Cat. Your like my best friend in Jackson and it would be great if you could get along with her"

She didn't reply, just continued to lay soaking up the sun. Her expression still hadn't changed. Fucking unreadable. One thing about Dina was that she couldn't really hide what she was thinking. Even if what she was thinking was so fucking confusing. I kinda loved that about her.

I moved forward and laid next to her "Come on for meeeee" I pleaded

She tilted her head to face me, those chocolate brown eyes looking into mine "okay" she huffed "for you"

"Hey Dina" I called through to the kitchen setting JJ down on the floor with his toys

"Yeah?"

I followed the smell of beacon wafting through the house to where my favourite voice had answered me. Dina was cooking "Mmm you can't beat that smell" I went up behind her and wrapped my arms around her, planting a kiss on her neck and pulling her close to me.

"I know, Seths been really generous lately with the helpings too, maybe he still feels bad for the comment he made back at the dance"

I shrugged my shoulders and grabbed a helping of bacon from the plate "Whatever I don't care, this is great" I took a bite before continuing "So Dina, why don't eggs tell jokes?"

She looked at me with her eyebrows raised, she knew what was coming. Another hilarious joke.

"They'd crack each other up" I laughed

Dina turned to face me with a smirk on her face, trying to hold in her laugh. "Good one El" She tilted her head and a concerned look brushed over her face "where are you going so early?" She looked me up and down realising I was fully dressed.

"I was thinking of going up to the farm and collecting some of my stuff, maybe Joel's guitar too. Seems like it's time"

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea. Let's have some breakfast and we can all go up together?"

"Urmm" I moved back and lent against the counter "I was thinking maybe I could do this on my own"

She moved towards me with a smile on her face "of course" before planting a kiss on my lips and pulling me into her.

I placed my arms around her and pulled her closer, feeling her warmth. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes full of love, for me. I still couldn't believe we were together. The girl I'd loved for so long, the only person I could ever trust other than Joel actually loved me back and wanted to be with me, even after all the shit I had put her through. Dina made me feel loved and worth something in this world even if I didn't think I deserved it.

I want to do something nice for her

"Just be back for dinner, remember Tommys coming over" She gave me a squeeze and let me go returning back to the breakfast she was cooking

"Yeah don't worry. I'll go to the farm and come straight back, scout's honour"

"I never really understood that saying"

"Yeah same, it's just something Joel used to say" I laughed

I headed back towards the living room "I'll go say bye to JJ and get going". He was playing with some of his toys giggling on the floor "What you got there Potato?" I knelt down next to him

"It's a wolf, look" He had a small wolf toy in his hand flailing it around, he then took a cowboy and hit the wolf out of his hand sending it to the floor making him burst out laughing.

"Good boy" I laughed. "I'm going out, I won't be long. You look after your mom for me yeah?"

He looked up at me "Oki mammy Ellie"

"Thanks potato" I planted a kiss on his head and headed back into the kitchen.

"El, please don't go out in those sneakers, you can't tape them up anymore" Dina headed through to the porch and came back in with a pair of boots "I picked these up for you"

I sighed and took them from her knowing she was right. I'd be walking around barefoot if I kept those old things on "Thanks babe". I grabbed Dina's arm and pulled her into me again a little more forcefully than I meant to, her body thumped against mine and she let out a laugh. "I love you so much Dina"

She flashed that smile at me that made me weak at the knees "I love you Ellie"

I gave her a kiss, threw on my bag and headed out of the door.

I walked along the main street of Jackson towards the gate. It was pretty early, the sun was just creeping out over the mountains surrounding, giving out an orange glow to the buildings and houses I passed. There weren't many people out yet but the few people I passed waved and said 'good morning'. I'd forgotten how much I missed being here, having an actual home. I can't believe I was going to throw all this away.

Before leaving I made a quick stop at the bakery, a reasonably new addition to the small town but one of the more popular places now, as we were growing as a community. I walked into the shop and the bell above the door chimed, James came rushing out from the back.

"Morning Ellie!" he said with a big smile on his face throwing his apron over his head "do you have an order to collect today?" His face now looking a little worried like he'd forgotten something

"No, I don't have anything to pick up but I was wondering if you could do me a favour"

"Sure thing!"

"Dina is preparing a meal for tonight, Tommy is coming over. It's actually his Birthday. I was just wondering if you could do something for me?"

"Say no more! I'll get something whipped up for you"

"Perfect, I'm just heading out but I'll collect it this evening on my way back, if that's okay?"

"Yeah no sweat!"

"Thanks James, I owe you!" I called as I left the bakery

I continued walking along the main road towards the gates. I could see Maria in the distance doing her usual early morning checks as the patrols headed out for their day. I made a beeline for her.

"Morning Maria, I'm just heading over to the farm to grab some of my things. Don't worry I'm not going on anymore adventures!" I winked at her

"Morning Ellie, good to hear. Have you checked out a gun from the armoury?"

"Nah I've got my blade and the path should be clear"

"Hmm okay" she folded her arms into her usual pose

"Will you be coming over with Tommy later?" I asked

"I don't think so unfortunately, I've got a few jobs to do later but I was going to meet him in the Tipsy Bison this evening if you and Dina want to come along?"

"Yeah, that would be nice, I will ask her. Well I best get going if I want to be home in time for dinner!" I started to walk away from her

"Ellie! Please make sure you sign back in when you're home!" She called after me

"Sure thing!" I shouted back raising my hand waving

It took me a few hours to walk here, I took it slow trying to enjoy the walk, listening to the sounds of the trees in the soft summer breeze. It had been a while since I'd been out here and I didnt want to rush it and get overwhelmed. Not when I've been trying so hard to move on and focus on the future. I spent so many long days out in these woods while I pretended to hunt, contemplating what it would be like if I wasn't here anymore. How I thought Dina and JJ would probably be better off without me, how everyone would have been better off without me. Going over and over again in my head that I should have been left in that hospital. Fucking Joel. I let out a sigh as I thought of Dina and how much she really didn't know about our 'happy life on the farm' and how I had a lot more dark days than I wanted to admit.

It wasn't long before I could see the farm at the end of the trail as the trees started to thin. I walked closer and pushed the small metal gate open hearing the familiar screech of the gate as it opened and swung shut behind me sending a shiver down my spine. I stopped on the overgrown grass that was waving majestically in the wind.

Just like I remember

I don't know why I thought it would have changed, like it would now be something totally different to what it was when I left. I looked around, the tractor that me and JJ would sit on for hours pretending we were driving it around the farm was still here. It was a little more rusted than before and the grass and weeds had started to tangle into the wheels and engine. The tree that I carved our initials into was waving in the wind, it looked older somehow. I'm not sure how a tree can even look older to the human eye but it did.

Suddenly I felt a hot wave of anxiety and fear take over me in a split second, my heart started to pound and my eyes rolled. I held out my hands and felt the grass brushing against my fingertips. I took a few deep breaths focusing on my breathing and the blades of grass couressing the pads on my fingers and calmed myself back down.

You've got this Ellie

I walked up to the house and through the door. There wasn't anything here. Robin had been and cleared the house out which was good of him to do. I slowly climbed the stairs running my fingertips along the bannister. I made my way to my drawing room where everything had been neatly stored away in boxes. Most of this would probably need shifting on a cart some other time. I looked down at Joel's guitar and smiled when I saw the record resting on top of it.

Dina loved this one.

I'm not sure why she left it here but I'm sure she would want it back, it has our song on it, Ecstasy. The one we danced to the first night she kissed me. A soft wave of butterflies moved through my stomach as I remembered that night. Dina pulling me onto the dance floor, holding me close, playfully rubbing her cheek on mine. Brushing my hair from my face and telling me how everyone should be terrified of me before finally kissing me. The butterflies came again, my stomach doing a little flip as I thought of Dina and a smile creeping on my face. What a night.

I moved the Record and turned my focus to Joel's 'gee-tar' as he called it. I took it out of its case and sat by the window. I place my hand with the missing fingers on the stem awkwardly knowing full well I won't be able to play like I used to.

A sigh escapes my lips as I thought of Joel and that night on the porch. The one where I spoke to him and wanted to finally start to forgive him. If I knew then what I knew now and how things would change in a matter of hours, Id have been so different. I'd have told him that I loved him, that I missed him and would forgive him for everything. I'd have hugged him and never let go.

I breathed another long sigh holding back my tears "I miss you so much Joel"

As I sat there thinking of him again, trying to play this stupid guitar, I realised I don't need to blame myself for his death. Something I think I secretly always have done deep down but never wanted to admit, more fucking surivers guilt. If he hadn't taken me to that Firefly hospital in the first place he would still be alive, so would Tess and countless others who didn't need to die for me. So many deaths just for me, when somehow I always manage to fucking survive. He was his own man and would have done anything for me just as I would do for JJ or Dina.

I glanced out of the window at the orange sun in the distance. It was starting to get late and I've been here probably a little longer than I should be which would mean I'd need to get a move on if I wanted to be back in time for dinner. I propped the guitar up against the window and left the house, back through the tall grass and into the woods.

The walk back went a lot quicker than the walk to the farm, I didn't want to take my time, I wanted to get back to Dina and JJ. I wanted to run home and scoop them both up and tell them how much I love them. I wanted to let Dina know how much of a rock she has been to me for the past couple of years and thank her for everything she has done.

I could see the light of Jackson through the mess of trees "Bang on time" I smiled. Just before the last group of trees I noticed a few wild flowers blooming.

Dina would love those.

I took out my switchblade, bent down and cut a few free, making a small boutique of flowers. I took my pack off and placed it next to me on the floor looking for something to fasten them together with when I heard a noise from behind me. I shot round to see who was there and I froze as I laid eyes on the large woman standing a few feet from me.

"Hi Ellie" Abby spoke

Oh shit Abby is here & what has she been up to! Thanks for reading, i will be uploading in the next couple of days.