XXX
~ "How much further?" Fischer groaned behind me as we all walked our normal route to my hometown, Kadayr. She asks this every time we do this.
"I told you; you didn't have to come. You could've gone on the train that went straight to Central or even stayed at the station. I'm not gonna be long anyways." I adjusted my carrying bag on my shoulders as I hollered at her. Koch made sure he didn't walk too much ahead of her, whereas Becker and I stayed side by side without slowing down our pace.
"Well Becker and Koch were coming, and I didn't want to be alone at the station. What if something happened?" Fischer yelled back at me.
"You're a trained state alchemist. I think you could've managed." Becker piped up.
"My specialty is fashion. Fashion! If I was mugged the most I could do is change the burglars' pants into a tutu!" Becker and I chuckled quietly imagining Fischer doing just that and then giving them a good talking to.
"You sure you don't want me to carry your luggage?" Koch offered her once again.
"It's good for her Koch. She can carry her own bag if she wants to tag along." I politely ordered Koch to not assist.
"You're so mean to me, Colonel." She yelled another protest.
"Maybe if you participated in conditioning more frequently, this wouldn't be as difficult as you're making it seem."
"I do what is mandatory! Nothing more, nothing less. You want more, I need a pay raise." She got a snort out of me with that one.
"She's got a point." Becker agreed as he looked to me with a teasing smirk.
"Sure. First thing I'll do once we're back is put in a request for my subordinates to get paid more than any lower ranking officer in the country. Top priority."
"I can't feel my legs!" Fischer bellowed out another protest. Becker chuckled quietly as he stopped in place to look behind at her. He adjusted his backpack from his back, setting it on the ground as he crouched next to it.
"Come on, get on." He shook his head with hidden amusement when she hoorayed all too enthusiastically.
"Would you stop babying her." I said under my breath, just loud enough for Becker to hear as Fischer suddenly found the energy to jog her way to him.
"Oh, come on, Colonel. It's not like you were ever not babied." I was surprised by what he said.
"I've never been babied. Who told you I was babied?" I asked sternly as Fischer saddled his back. He stood up and adjusted her quickly before taking a long stride, continuing our way.
"Remember when we ran into Lt. Major Bowie?" He asked and I immediately cringed with that name hanging in the air.
"Ew. I did not like him. He always had this icky vibe around him." Fischer jumped into our conversation. Koch was keeping pace with us now that Fischer was hitching a ride. About a year and a half after my first deployment I did run into Bowie. He was stationed at the Western headquarters, and I was there on a temporary stay for a case. I made it very clear that he was to stay away from me on all personal level. It was preferred that he would direct any messages to one of my teammates. We would be professional based only.
"I remember." I finally stated with as little interest to our new topic, but Becker pushed on with it.
"He and I were talking one night. Saw him at a bar and he joined me for a drink. He mentioned that you had changed and kinda seemed like he found it funny. Said when he first met you, you were Mustang's glorified secretary and was always getting coddled." That got my fingers twitching. I picked up my pace as irritation coursed through my veins. "I'll take it he wasn't bluffing?" I could hear the smugness in Becker's tone, and it pushed me to the edge. I was only a step or two ahead of him, giving me the perfect timing to plant my next step to turn around and kick him in the stomach. He curled forwarded and Fischer squeezed her grip around his neck to keep herself on his back, causing him to not only cough from the blow I gave but also from his throat being constricted. "Fischer let go." He tried to gasped, tapping on her arm. I went on my way, continuing the walk to my hometown like nothing had happened.
"Why do you push her buttons like that?" I barely heard Koch ask as Becker tried to catch his breath. I was glad to see my hometown in the short distance. Just another 3 miles and I can see her. Just what I needed.
I set the small bouquet of assorted flowers in the vase that sat right next to my mother's grave. I filled it up with water from the bottle I had purchased along with the flowers. I took in her tombstone, giving myself some peaceful quiet before I got into what I wanted to talk to her about. I know one of these days I will need to be more prepared and bring cleaning supplies to upkeep. However, I'm always surprised to see how good in condition her stone always was. I kinda thought that after all these years of me not cleaning it once, it would be in a rougher state but…it always gave me the impression that it was refreshed regularly.
"Hey mom. Sorry it's been awhile." I quietly started with my usual statement. "I've been pretty far lately. Couldn't find the time to make a quick trip over, but I'm glad to see you're in good shape." I brushed the stone with my hand, admiring the condition it was in. "Good news though. I'll be able to visit more. I've been stationed back to Central so…I'll be close. Not sure how often I'll be able to come but…it should be more often then what I have been. It's actually what I wanted to talk to you about." I took a deep breath in, readying myself for the confession that I've been waiting to say. Something that I knew I would need to get off my chest one way or another. "I'm scared. You know, he might be there. It's been so long. I don't know what it's going to be like. When I see him again. I have this scenario in my head…we see each other in a hallway and time seems to stop. After a moment of not breathing, he walks over to me and embraces me. I'm overwhelmed by how much it feels like home."
I had to pause as the emotion of how right this fake scenario felt. "I cry as I hold onto him…it's very dramatic I know." I pulled myself out of the fantasy with a laugh. I sound so ridiculous. Which is why I haven't been able to say this to anyone. I've barely been able to say any of this to myself, which is why this was so important. "I don't even know if he's there. For all I know he could be stationed on the other side of the country but…just thinking about the possibility of running into him makes me lightheaded. I really thought or hoped, after all these years I could put everything behind me. That I did move on, but these last few hours have me realizing that I had only been forcing myself to not think about it. Pretending. I never actually healed from what I did. I still haven't forgiven myself. I don't know how…"
I stopped and turned when I heard footsteps behind me. I was taken aback when I saw who it was. He seemed just as surprised as me to see me here. We just stared at each other for a few heartbeats before he finally gave me a small welcoming smile before closing the distance between us and stood by me.
"I'll be damned. Two visits in one year? Who would've thought it would take her passing to get you to come back so often?" Thomas jabbed. There was a hint of resentment in his tone, but I didn't shy from it.
"Well, considering I left her all alone while she was here…I should be here for her in her death." I know it doesn't make up for my absence when she needed me. Nothing would make up for it. My guilt will always be there, but I can do my best and keep her company now. I'll accept whatever he has to say to me. It's been long overdue. I waited for a sarcastic scoff or for the rest of his pent-up anger to release from him.
"How have you been?" He asked almost uninterested. I was almost confused but couldn't help but smile softly. Perhaps he wasn't ready to dump everything. Maybe he's already moved on and doesn't need to get into it.
"Good." Was all I gave him. Clearly there was more than just good but I wasn't sure how much we wanted to get into each other's lives. "I see the house is still standing." I said and that got him to scoff with amusement.
"Yah, well…you're theatrics didn't really sit with me. I didn't really want to deal with whatever legal actions that would concur with burning down her house when she was only a few hours cold. I still have the earnings from selling it. Just been waiting for you to stop by to get them."
"I don't suppose I could convince you that it's a belated bonus to your last paycheck?" I hopefully joked.
"Not a chance. Although, it is tempting…I wouldn't be able to sleep at night."
"No need to lose sleep over something that's rightfully yours. You took such good care of her…and even now." I motioned to her stone. I always noticed how clean it always been and wondered who it was that took the time. I had a feeling but now I know.
"I was gonna do a quick maintenance next week." He said sheepishly. It was like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"You deserve the money, Thomas. More than me. It's obvious she was more than a paycheck to you."
"Of course. She became a second mom to me. When she went…well." He cleared his throat, and I didn't bother to wonder if it was due to emotion. "It's the least I can do. Even now." He finished in a whisper.
"What will it take to convince you to accept? It's going to go to waste if you don't. I never wanted it." I couldn't help but strain how desperate I was for him to take it.
"Right. You never wanted anything to do with here. I knew I had lost you for good when she passed." The bitter acceptance in his voice took me by surprise. Was he implying that, despite the fact that I had broken it off so he wouldn't wait for me…he still did just that? I shut my eyes trying to push another blue pair out of my mind. There's no way he would do the same…right?
I opened my eyes to finally take in Thomas, busying myself with noting how different he was. He wasn't the boy I had left behind all those years ago. No. The person standing with me was a man. Even his voice was different. It's lower than from what was ingrained in my memories. Granted, his sandy brown hair still seemed to be the bedhead mess it always was but that was the only familiarity.
He caught my starring and nervously scratched his five o'clock shadow before looking to my mother's stone again. Last time I saw him, he could barely grow a mustache. A wave of hurt nostalgia slammed at my heart, making me look to my mother as well. I always figured we would run into each other one of these times. It wasn't the smallest of towns, but it was always bound to happen. I thought I would be ready…clearly I was wrong.
"You look different." He said in a way that told me he had been debating about saying anything. I looked back to him with a charmed smile. Guess we were on the same page. "I mean…different in a good way. You look good." He started to stumble which got a quick laugh out me.
"Thank you. I was thinking the same thing about you." I decided to confess. "How have you been?" A rare genuine question I had always been curious about after the last time we spoke over the phone. He brought his hand up to scratch the back of his neck and that's when I saw the ring glimmer from his ring finger, causing my heart to flutter with happiness.
"Real good, actually. Got married last year." He brought his hand from his neck and wiggled his fingers gently for me to get a look at the band.
"Congratulations! I'm so happy for you." I meant it. I had always hoped he would find someone that would make him happy.
"Yah, she's amazing. I don't know what I did to get her to say yes…guess I got lucky." He became quite unsettled with his words. He seemed to believe that he was unworthy of this woman.
"You're a good man, Thomas. I'm sure you make her as happy as she makes you."
"Thanks. We're actually expecting." The worries he had before were now replaced by the glow of the news of his wife's pregnancy.
"What? That amazing! Congratulations times two." I joked.
"Thanks times two." He joked back. "We're assuming any day now…she's getting anxious." He fiddled with his fingers nervously.
"I'm sure she's not the only one." I tried not to be too entertained by his apprehension. "Do you have a picture?" I had to sedate my curiosity. A proud smile spread on his face as he took out his wallet from his back pocket, pulling the picture out. He held it out for me to get a good look and I was filled with warmth. "She's so cute!" I gushed at how right she was for him, and she looked happy with her glowing smile. This picture must have been taken before her pregnancy. There was one thing though… "How old is she?" I asked and he took the picture back, placing it in its rightful spot in his wallet.
"Yah, she looks young but she's 28." Clearly he gets that a lot. She definitely didn't look only a few years younger than us. Good for her. "So, what about you? You got a family waiting for you at home or…"
"Colonel!" We were interrupted by Becker calling for me a few feet away. He was still walking towards us with a questioning look directed towards Thomas.
"What is it, Lieutenant?" I asked as he got closer.
"You took longer than normal so I was just coming to check. We should probably be heading out if we're going to make the next train." Becker came all the way and stood between Thomas and me. I felt uncomfortable as I never had anyone join me here. Now I have two other bodies to worry about.
Becker tried to follow me once, but I ended up ordering him to stay at the cemetery entrance as he refused to leave. I always had that form of privacy that they didn't know why I always came here. Now here he was, reading my mother's tombstone. Oh well. It was bound to happen I suppose. I looked to Thomas who was looking away nervously. Becker was bigger than him in all sorts of ways. I'm sure the stink eye Becker was giving him wasn't helping anything.
"I'm glad we were able to do this. Catch up and what not. Maybe next time I can meet your beautiful wife and new bundle of joy?" I asked, hopeful, doing my best to ignore Becker. Thomas seemed taken aback by this as he glanced around Becker. Guess he was assuming I would do my usual thing and disappear for another set of years. He finally gave me an accepting smile and nodded his head.
"Laura would love that. So would I." He surprised me by maneuvering around Becker and bringing me in for a hug. It was a friendly hug. A hug that two friends shared after a passage of time. We released quickly and Thomas patted my shoulder before stepping away. "I should probably get going. I'm sure you want some alone time before you head out and Laura's home alone, so I wasn't planning on staying long. Let me know when you're back in town and we'll all get together."
"I'll be sure to do that. Congratulations again." I waved him off as he walked towards the exit.
"Who was that?" Becker asked suspiciously. I directed an unthreatening glare to him. I wasn't the happiest with him, but I also know there was no point in fretting about it. It's not that I had to hide the fact that my mother was dead but it's not something I wanted just anyone to know.
"Just an old friend. We grew up together." I didn't feel the need to elaborate because that's all we were now. And that's all we would ever be, thankfully. No hard feelings. No resentment. Time had passed and we both moved on.
"Is this your mom?" He motioned to the tombstone.
"Yes." I answered softly. He paused for a moment, before he started to look around for something unknown.
"Where's your dad?" The unexpected question sent a quick twinge to my heart. Was he just assuming that my father was also gone or is it just a simple curious question. Either way, the answer wouldn't be any different.
"I don't know." I answered honestly but still didn't go into any specifications. For once, Becker went silent. Maybe he finally didn't know what to say. There's a first for everything I suppose.
I took in a deep breath, finally ready to start our way back to town to find the others. "Ready?" I asked him, pulling him out of his thoughts. His glasses gleamed as he looked to me, giving me a small nod. I touched my mother's stone one last time before turning away. Now, it was time for us to head back the way we came. Where I belong. Hopefully Fischer won't complain too much on the return trip...but I'm not going to hold my breath. ~
End of Chapter 30
Thank you for reading! :)
