Chapter 16: Four of Cups
In my dreams, I was somebody—a perfect being with a fulfilling journey.
Silence.
It rolled through the steep, snow-covered hills. Berries and mushrooms shriveled silently around the tall, spindly trees. Even the vast river, frozen already, embraced the serenity of the settling quietness.
Rainy's next destination was cold throughout the year. The frigid weather and sizeable distance from other towns created a lonesome shell. She sat with her feelings until each one felt light enough to blow with the flurries of snow carried by the wind. Still, as the sun set and the Ethereal Gates closed, she continued to feel the burdens that weighed her down.
Rubi yawned, stretching her front legs in front of the fireplace. From her spot by the table, it looked to Rainy as if her companion was worshipping the crackling fire. And maybe she was.
"Where are we going next?" The familiar queried, lazily settling inside her thick cave-like bed.
Rainy zipped the briefcase shut. She had debated taking clothes, but at this point, it didn't matter. Her mind had no room for anything but the bare necessities.
"Japan."
The heartwrenching screech that emerged from the cotton cave felt like it would shake the snow from the highest peak. Rainy's eyes drifted to the window. Snow slid from the rooftop, earning a chuckle from the fae. While it was a common occurrence for them, the idea that her familiar's lungs could have produced such a powerful reaction felt like something deserving of a laugh.
"How can Scorpio send us back there?"
"She didn't."
Rainy grabbed another suitcase and plopped it on the living room table. She began adding papers, this time with a long list of identities and their relevant paperwork. A single stack sat at the furthest end, close to the vase with the fake poinsettias. It was her new persona. She chose to keep the same name.
"She didn't?" Her black head poked from the cave.
"She didn't send us here either." Nor did she approve of the country they settled in last year. "The last place she guided me to was Japan. After meddling with Nanami's life, she allowed me to ingest the Blue Lotus multiple times… But she hasn't spoken to me since."
Not in dreams or through the messages of the tarot cards… The candle flames didn't dance for her. Even the coffee grounds that settled at the bottom of her cup, and the leaves that floated through her tea, felt guided by overwhelming normalcy.
The magic had gone. It left behind a deafening silence.
Rubi stepped out. Her words shook along with her legs. "I get it," she tried breathing through the nerves. "But going back there won't reset the broken communication between you two. Maybe we can try more meditation… Hypnosis?"
"No."
"Near-death experiences can get you close to the Ether…."
Rainy was quiet.
"Near death, not fully dead. Just close-"
"I miss Nanami. I'm going back to see him."
The familiar's mouth opened and moved, but words failed to pour out. Her shaking had steadied. A healthy dose of shock made for a good stabilizer.
"You've spent 97 years working so hard, and now you want to undo it?"
In reality, I am nobody- a wandering, purposeless soul.
"Rubi, I've been miserable this entire time. Always feeling like I have to chase, like I have to move because if I'm standing still, this other person is getting away. And I've gotten nowhere. It's not working." Her voice was surprisingly steady and light, considering the heaviness of all the feelings weighing her down. Mostly nerves. A lot of nerves.
"You're closer than ever!" The cat's voice boomed. More snow fell from the rooftop and window. No doubt about it, her voice had power. "Earth has a limited number of countries. The more nets you cast, the closer you are to your end goal."
"That's exactly why I can do this. Those same spaces will always be there for me. This year and the next."
"Right! So keep going!"
"No." Rainy pushed the last of the papers into the bag while she struggled to get the zipper through. "Mother never told me why I was here. No one ever did…." The fae felt her throat dry up. "I just did my best to follow my instincts and piece together the bits of memories I have, but even those aren't certain. Rubi, I've prayed, meditated, and honored our traditions with the tools I have access to here on Earth. I've looked for her answers in the stars and the planets, in the smoke from candles, the drawings in the tarot cards… It's like I'm screaming into the void without anyone caring to answer back…."
Rubi was quiet.
"If I keep going, if I keep walking this path, I'm going to lose the little faith I have that this is actually a lesson from Mother and not just her abandoning me here for who knows what reason."
Yellow eyes moved along the wooden floor where the shadows of the naked tree branches swung wildly.
"Oh, Rainy…"
"I found a little comfort here on Earth, and I just want to allow myself the luxury of enjoying that. I felt heard and understood and like someone cared for once."
Finally, someone responded to her cries for help. It wasn't Mother, but the comfort she felt was undeniable. Her soul needed that acknowledgment.
"You don't have to come, Rubi. I'm safe on my own. I can release your contract, and you'll be allowed back in the Ether."
Rubi sighed. "Don't be ridiculous." The human vessel was weak. And, of course, as a domesticated animal, she felt more fragile than that… Their desire to return to the unknown, hoping it was better than the present reality, could only fuel them for so long. Almost a century. She was surprised they made it this far, to begin with. "I'm your familiar."
Rainy breathed out and held her stomach where nervous butterflies fluttered freely.
Yet, in the chaos of this imperfect reality, I've found my only hints of joy…
"Good, I was bluffing. I really don't want to do this alone."
"And you don't have to."
The familiar couldn't go anywhere. The dreadful realization that punishment, as opposed to some soul-strengthening fantastic lesson, was the root of this life they were now living made for a heavy burden to carry.
Rainy scooped her familiar and settled the fluffy creature against her chest. "Thank you, Rubi."
The cat felt her lungs expel a long breath. "Always."
At least she knew she didn't have to carry the burden alone.
[16]
"Doesn't today feel like the perfect day to go out and eat something sweet?"
Nanami straightened the newspaper and allowed the rustling of the paper to pull him further into the in-depth analysis of the real estate forecast for the following year. Low expectations for housing supply to meet demand. Same story, different year. Still, it made for a better source of entertainment than listening to Gojo rant about… Anything, really.
"It's drizzly, no-" The taller man leaned against the window. "It's raining!"
Nanami paused for a moment.
"Oh yes, a perfect day to relive some nostalgia and indulge in the sweetest of sweets. What do you say, Kento-kun, wanna get some late lunch with me?"
The second-grade sorcerer's gaze settled on the water-speckled window. He could barely see the autumnal spectrum of bright-colored leaves through the thickening rain. "Sure."
"Really?"
He folded the newspaper and waited for Gojo to lead the way. It took the senior sorcerer a moment to comprehend that his companion had accepted his invitation. He hadn't actually thought about where they would go, but that wouldn't be a problem. There were so many cafes to choose from!
"So tell me about your week? Any fun missions?"
Nanami sighed and opened his umbrella. "No." What was a fun mission anyways? "How has your week been?"
"Mine?" Was this real life? Nanami cared about his week? He knew his constant prodding and poking of the younger man would pay off. And it was. On the most random day! "Oh, I've had tons of fun missions."
Nanami listened intently to his every story. The snacks he ordered and the possible meaning behind the variety of nuts they contained. Were the different fruit marmalades supposed to be important? Why did they have to sit on the tree-stump-themed stools and not the table? Was it sanitary to have so many cats roaming about?
It wasn't until halfway through the 5th story that he realized this was really a simple lunch outing…
"You don't have any information on her?" He felt embarrassed to ask, but after hours of building up hope, he wanted something to satisfy the intense craving.
Gojo stopped. "Oh…" He was quick to grasp the mood. "Ohhhh!"
A rainy day, two years after she had left. A series of coincidences led to a fortunate misunderstanding. At least fortunate for him. Now that Nanami had given him a chance, he surely understood what he had missed out on when he declined his invitations.
"Nothing from my end, so that's good."
It was. If he didn't know, then no one knew. She was safe.
"It is." He removed the cat ear hair clips that apparently also had no secondary purpose.
"Sorry." It wasn't often Gojo felt remorse, but it wasn't often he saw the blond so disappointed. "I didn't think you cared in that way."
He did, but he would take on an army of special-grade curses again before discussing his personal feelings with Gojo. "Thank you for the meal." He stood up. "Take care."
"You too! Let's do this again sometime!"
Maybe they could if he worked more on tuning out his stories.
Nanami walked through the crowded streets with purposeful steps.
His feelings of gratitude grew unchecked through the months. Rainy deserved it. It had been her presence that allowed him to experience a life that felt as such and not like a prison sentence to be carried out. His appreciation flourished in the dark, and when the flowers bloomed, they made their presence known.
He compared his every conversation on dates to those he had with the fae. They never felt as effortless.
Spotting a dark set of tight curls in a crowd always appeared to captivate his eyes.
And now, two years of purposely directing his thoughts and just a hint of a possibility that he could talk about her threw all his self-control away. It didn't get easier with time as he tried to force himself to believe. The fruits of his gratitude grew into something he couldn't control.
Maybe it would all be worth it in the end. Perhaps she would come back this lifetime or next just to say goodbye, but he couldn't wait that long. Holding his thoughts hostage barely got him two years. If he didn't appease that growing desire…
Nanami opened the familiar door. A cleaning crew had tidied up the apartment and organized the leftover furniture to their original places.
It didn't smell like her anymore. Right now, it smelled like rain and nothing… But he could still remember where the couch sat and how she liked to lay on it when she felt overwhelmed. If he stood by the window, the view of the kitchen still showed the dish he brought her fruits in. She never returned it…
In her room, he found comfort in her closet. The clothes didn't feel as warm to the touch as they did when he carried her… Or when he pulled her away from the road because she was looking at her phone without paying attention to her path… The times she sat close to him for no apparent reason.
He found the book he left that one time they came home too late, and he had three hours before going to work. She wanted to stay up meditating, and he was hoping to make progress on the story but ended up learning how to make spell jars instead.
Nanami picked it up and walked to the empty corner where her altar once sat, and the balcony door allowed a generous view of the thick curtain of rain.
Peace.
He needed this.
Author's Note: Thank you for reading!