Chapter 7

As soon as he leaves, I start working out too. Maybe that'll calm me down a bit. The idea of telling him everything is really messing with my head and my nerves. I can just see his eyes looking at me like I'm a freak.

I stop moving mid pushup for a small second and shake my head before continuing. Stevie wouldn't judge me, he'd take pity on me. He'd look at me with big sad eyes because he can't do anything to help me… and I feel like that might be even worse. So much worse.

I take a quick shower after that, mostly because I need to get my nerves under control and the sound of the running water helps me a bit. When I get out I head to the bedroom to get dressed while I mindlessly dry my hair with a towel, but stop in my tracks when I see him standing in the kitchen, next to the fridge. "Hey, man. Didn't hear you come in", I manage to leave out, and then I sneak a quick peek at him. He's behind the island, so I can only see his top half, but that's enough to get me going. He's been sweating, and his muscles look tense in a way. I look away when I remember that I'm wearing a fucking towell, and that it would be pretty obvious if I'd get hard.

When I look at his face again, I realize that he's staring at me, so I take the towel I was using to dry my hair and throw it over my shoulders to cover the worst of my scars. Maybe I'm freaking him out.

He clears his throat and leans over the island while he opens the water bottle he's holding. "I got out a bit earlier", he says as if he should justify himself in any way. His voice sounds kinda strangled, but maybe he's just tired and I'm reading too much into it.

"Great. I'll go get dressed, so I can get some breakfast going, uh?" I'm trying really hard to sound normal, but I know he may not fall for it. "Sure. I'll take a shower, be out in a minute"

He really does take about a minute or two, because I'm barely starting to break the eggs when he comes back. I'm expecting him to have a towel when he gets out, but he's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I don't know if I'm nervous because he's already back or kinda sad because I didn't get to see him in a towel. After the conversation I'm about to start, I don't think he'll be comfortable walking around in a towel anymore. I'm not even sure he'll want me here at all.

When he starts mixing the ingredients for some pancakes, I gather the balls to start. He's with his back to me and I don't know if I can get my voice to come out even, so I put my hand on his shoulder to get his attention. He jumps a little and I take my hand off of him as quickly as I can, apologizing and taking a step back. He looks at me for a few seconds and then puts down the utensils and sighs.

"I'm sorry, man. I can't do this anymore, we need to talk", he says, and my chest tightens. The words 'He knows' are echoing inside my head relentlessly and frantically, making it difficult to think about anything else. He's going to tell me that he's uncomfortable with me being here, given my… impulses, and I try to brace myself to take the blow it'll be.

"Remember when I said I didn't mind you touching me?" I nod, swallowing hard. "Well, I do. I very much do". Of course he does, that only applied when he thought I was like him. "I'm sorry", I say, because I fucking am. I'm so sorry I feel this way, I wish I could just turn it off. He takes another deep breath and starts talking again after a moment. "No, man, it's not that I don't like it or that I don't care. The problem is that I do like it". My head snaps back up when he says that. What?

"I like it more than I know I should, Buck. Way more. And I thought you should know because it felt like lying to you if you didn't. It felt like I was tricking you or something. I know it's way out of line, and I've tried to stop it or ignore it, but I just can't, and I'm so sorry".

My mind goes blank, like it's numb or something, but I force myself to think about it. I'm trying really hard, to figure out if he's saying what I think he's saying. I think he might be. Oh, my fucking God, I really think he might be saying it.

Maybe I'm still asleep, and this is a fucking dream. Maybe I misheard, but when I allow myself to look at him in the eyes, I see anxiety in them, sincerity, and he's fucking saying what I think he's saying. My chest feels like it's about to explode.

I nod slowly, taking him in. Allowing myself to really look at him. The light is hitting him in a way that pops the blue in his eyes, his skin looks slightly blushed, his lashes go on for miles. He's so… beautiful. I swallow hard and bite my lip. It's hard to think properly when he's looking like that. This can't be true. It has to be some sort of prank from the universe. "You're… you're into me?" I manage to say, trying to make sure I heard correctly. Surely I didn't. But he makes a guilty face and then nods, looking away. I think I might explode.

"I'm not gonna stop", I say quietly, and he looks at me again. After a moment I can see a smile playing on the corner of his lips. He looks away for a second again, trying to hold back the smile, and then back at me.

"Well, you've been warned", he says and there's a new kind of mischief in his voice. Something I haven't heard before. I fall in love with it too, and then shrug.

"Yeah, I guess I have", I realize that I sound ballsy. I can't force myself to believe that this whole thing is real, but I kinda don't give a fuck anymore, I just want to live it. To give in to it.

He looks at me with hooded eyes and a half smile, silently daring me to act on it, so I do. I raise my hand slowly and let it rest in his chest, just above his heart. He tries to keep it cool, but I can tell he's nervous. He swallows hard when I slide my hand up his pec and I can feel his heart rate spiking. I go up his shoulder and then down his arm. His breath gets caught in his throat and I realize that I want to explore every inch of him. No exception.

"Was it always this way with us?" I dare to ask, and he frowns and shakes his head after a second. I take my hand up the side of his neck and his skin reacts to the touch as if he was cold. I nod again, acknowledging his response and taking in the involuntary reaction. I'm glad that it wasn't like this before, it would've killed me to learn that I lost those memories.

"Have you been wanting it? For things to be like this between us?" I press, as my hand travels back down his body and settles on his waist. He swallows again and bites his lip, and I can barely keep myself from kissing it. "Yeah, maybe I have" he says, faking confidence. I have always been able to see right through him, and this is no exception. He's scared shitless, but he wants this as much as I do. God, I can hardly believe it. I take a step towards him, and now we're close enough that I can smell him. He smells so good. It brings back memories of nice dinners with him and my family, and weird double dates. I duck my head on his neck and breathe him in.

"For how long?" I ask, and I can see his hand hesitating to move. It doesn't. It's pretty obvious that he's holding back. "A while" he replies, and his voice shivers as I press my lips to his neck. It's just a point of contact, wouldn't even qualify as a kiss.

He feels like butter under my touch, melting wherever I make contact. It's nice to feel like I'm in control, to feel like I could stop if I wanted to. I wouldn't, though. Not for all the money in the world.

I pull back and look at him in the eyes. I can see the longing in them. His pupils are taking over the color almost completely, and we're so fucking close, I can't control my breathing anymore. My heart rate is up the roof, I can feel it pounding behind my ears.

I slowly lean in again and press my lips to his, just to see what it feels like. They're warm and kinda dry, and I smile into them. I've been wanting to do this for a while too. But it's just a peck. Just a taste of him. He licks his lips when I pull away, and I dive back in, to the side of his neck.

"Then why are you holding back?" I whisper near his ear and then purposely brush his earlobe with my lips. He closes his eyes for a moment, swallowing hard. His breath comes out kinda shakie and it makes me feel like I'm taking advantage of him somehow. Like I'm a fucking predator and he's my pray.

"I don't want to do something you won't be comfortable with", he says, and then takes a second, probably to rearrange his thoughts. "I mean, I am more than OK with this, but I've noticed that you seem to have a problem with me… touching you"

I nod again, frowning. It did take me some time to get used to human contact again, but I am way past that point now. At least with him. Lately I've been avoiding it because whenever he'd touched me, it was hard not to beg him for more.

"Have you thought about what might be the problem with you touching me?" I ask teasingly, but he shakes his head. He really, seriously, literally has no idea, and I smile because he's so cute and naive sometimes.

Slowly, my left hand finds his right one and I gently move it to set it on the side of my hip. It feels like it comes to life as soon as it's on me. His fingers are digging into my skin and pulling at me to get closer.

"Are you sure that you're OK with it?" he asks quietly, gesturing to his hand with his eyes, and I do the same with his other hand, setting it on my waist now. Just the same, it feels like he was trying so hard to keep it still right up until the moment I touched it. "I think it's OK. Do you?" he doesn't speak, but he nods almost imperceptibly.

This time, he's the one that leans in to me, and the kiss is different, this one's fucking real. There's so much more eagerness to it. I feel his hands everywhere now. He's pulling at my clothes to get me closer to him, and cupping my face, and going up my back. He's a fucking octopus, and I think I might be addicted to it. He takes a step forward and pins me against the island, pressing himself to me. His fingers go through my hair as I feel his tongue in my mouth. His other hand is sliding down my back to rest over my ass and I moan in his mouth when he digs his fingers in the flesh.

Everything stops so abruptly that my head keeps spinning for a second. His hands are no longer in my body, although he's still pretty close. His breathing is out of control, the same as mine. I'm starting to think that maybe I hurt him, but he speaks before I can. "I'm sorry", he manages to say. "Was that too much?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Not fucking enough" I say, and pull on him to undo the distance he put between us. He returns the kiss immediately, but his hands hesitate a little before going back to my body, holding me tight against him. My fingers go up his back and through his hair. I pull at it a bit, as gently as I can, to make him put his head back. My mouth is on his neck as soon as he does, kissing, licking and biting everything in my way.

I go up a bit, to whisper in his ear again. "I've been wanting this too, you know? To touch you" I take a second to catch his earlobe between my lips and let my hands roam through his body. I can feel his heart pounding in his chest, right where it rests against mine. "For you to touch me" I smile and kiss his neck again when his hands get under my t-shirt to touch my back. "...a couple other stuff", I add teasingly, and I feel his chest rumble with what I can only describe as a raw animalistic growl.

I pull on his shirt and he leans away for a second so I can take it off, before getting back to kissing me. God, this feels right. My head's spinning, my heart's racing, my blood's boiling and I can hardly think. For a second I'm afraid of what might happen if I let go completely, but even if I do, I know I won't hurt him. It's true that I'm not completely in control, but neither is HYDRA. Something entirely different has taken over. Something made out of wanting and desire, out of lust and longing. Something entirely his.

He takes off my shirt exactly when I feel like I'm about to burst into flames, and I realize that I've been craving feeling him like this. I grab his ass and push him towards me when I notice there's a pretty important part of our bodies that's not in contact, and he immediately takes the hint. He rolls his hips forward, rubbing himself against me, and I can hardly breathe.

This feels nothing like the times I've touched myself these past few weeks. It's fucking out of this world. He growls again, and I don't have the strength to keep myself from moaning. Although this time he doesn't stop, he just takes a second and then does it again, a bit harder, a bit more accurately.

My legs are fucking jelly right now and I'm afraid I might just cum in my pants if he keeps all of this up. If I keep feeling his dick rubbing against mine through our clothes, and his hot jacked up breath on the side of my neck, and hearing the little moans that escape him from time to time. He's driving me absolutely insane.

"I think maybe we should stop", he whispers on my neck, and then kisses right below my ear. "Do you?" I ask breathlessly. It doesn't feel like he means it. "Yeah, you know, maybe take it slow", he adds, and his mouth travels down my chest a bit. He hasn't stopped or slowed down at all. I really don't want him to.

"You think we should?" I reply, and he finally pulls his face away to look at me. He stops moving, but he's still glued to me. He rests his forehead against mine and breathes heavily for a few seconds. "I just… I don't want to pressure you into something", he says, and I snort a laugh.

"Do I look like I'm being fucking pressured into something?" I ask, a bit amused, gesturing to myself. I'm half leaning-half sitting on the island wearing just my pants, and I know he's pretty aware of the raging boner I've had since the beginning of all of this.

He looks at me for a second, closes his eyes for another, and then clears his throat. He looks like he's in pain, so I think maybe he wants to stop, maybe he's not doing OK. I take his face in my hands and gently guide it up so he'll look at me.

"Hey… you OK?" I ask, and he nods. "You want us to stop?" he shakes his head no. I get closer and kiss him again, a quick peck. "Then quit being a little pussy, man", he lets out a laugh as he pushes me gently by the shoulder and then pulls me back in again. I laugh too, and he shakes his head. "You're a jerk" he lets out, close to my mouth and then kisses me. I can tell he's a bit more relaxed now, letting go a little more, and I love every bit of the confidence he's gotten.

My hands go right to the buttons of his jeans, and he shivers as I undo them. I can hardly keep myself from tearing them apart, I know it'd be so easy… but thank God, soon enough I'm able to slip my hand down the waist of his pants to touch him through his underwear.

He stands still against me, not even breathing for a second, hiding his head on the side of my neck. He's rock hard and amazingly hot, literally. I'm pretty sure his temperature is up the roof. I swallow as if my mouth was full of sand. "Well, you did say you liked me touching you", I joke as I slowly go from the base of his dick, following the length till the tip. "Did I now?" he asks breathlessly, following along on the playful tone. His hand has gone up my back and is now holding on to my shoulder from behind as he presses his lips to my neck. "I think I might have fallen short", he adds, and his hips buck into my hand. My dick twitches painfully at the involuntary reaction, and I'm pretty sure he fucking feels it, because he's pulling down my pants in no time.

By the way he pulls down my underwear too, I can see that he's definitely not fooling around. I sigh when I feel free of my clothes, but that restraint is immediately replaced by a different, much more pleasurable one.

He's now holding me fucking tight, and I can feel his dick against mine, both trapped between our stomachs. The enclosure feels really hot and I can barely think. He moves a few inches down, rubbing against me, and the friction is enough to make me moan as loud as a fucking record player.

I grab onto his shoulder and his back for some kind of stability, but my head's spinning out of control.

"This OK?" he mumbles, and I nod right before kissing him again. The kiss is desperate. I can't keep from biting his lower lip and sucking lightly at his tongue. I can't have enough. He tastes, smells and looks so amazing. He feels even better, soft and rough, in the perfect combination. Taught hands, soft lips. Every inch of him is made to be touched, to be worshiped.

He slows down a bit when the friction dries up our bodies and starts to get painful, so I put my hand on his chest to indicate him to lean back a bit. He does, and I gather some spit in my mouth, wipe it with my hand and then travel down to his dick, all while looking at him in the eye.

He lets out a moan when I touch him, getting him wet, and does the same thing to me. The plan was to touch him for a bit, but once I start, I can't force myself to stop. He's so fucking hard, and his skin seems so soft in my hand… I rub my thumb over the head as I get to the top, and he kisses me again, making a noise I've never heard from him before. It sounds like something halfway between a plea and a complaint.

"If we keep this up, I'm not sure if I'll be able to hold on much longer" he says, speaking close to my mouth, and I'm kinda sure that hearing him say that gets me closer to it than he is.

God, I want to watch him cum. I want to feel it on me, I want to hear him swear, and know exactly the face he makes when he's absolutely high on pleasure. But that's not all, I want to be the one to make him cum.

I try to get my thoughts on the line, just so I'm able to speak, but when I make a sound he changes the rhythm and moves his hand faster on my dick. All that comes out of my mouth is a moan, and he leaves out a laugh. I'm trying to complain, but I don't really want to.

My free hand -the left one- goes down his back and I grab his ass, maybe a bit too roughly, but he seems to enjoy it. "I don't see a problem with that" I say, finally answering to his warning, and I nudge myself back a bit to get onto the island. When I'm sitting, I drive myself back a bit to give him room to get on it too. "C'mere" I whisper, and I lie back as he gets on top of me.

His weight on me feels really good for some reason, like he's keeping me grounded, but I don't say it, I just grab his ass again, and hint him to move against me again. Like he needs a fucking hint. He's rubbing our bodies again in no time, moaning in my ear and biting my neck. I'm glad to have both my hands to explore his body again, that body of his deserves to be explored. But I'm so close, I can't even think. To have him this way… I understand why people used to think of this as sinful.

I buck my hips up to add more pressure and he spasms. "Fuck, Buck" he whispers, and I kiss his neck when he hides his face in mine. "I'm so fucking close, Stevie" I say, and a second later his muscles are tensing up even more. He lets out the most beautiful moan, and I can feel him cumming in between our bodies. The heat of it, the sudden wetness, the fucking way he's breathing does it for me. I'm thrown over the edge right after him, following him like I'd follow him anywhere else.

I sigh when it's over, and I shiver and leave out a surprised moan when he moves again. It's too much for my over-sensitized skin right now, and he knows it. He did it on purpose.

He's smiling at me, holding himself up with his elbows on both sides of my head. And it's a subtle smile, sincere and sweet, although we're both breathing heavily, right into each other's space.

He bites his lip and I wet mine with my tongue. He's fucking gorgeous. He leans down to kiss me again, but this time it's slow, sweet and careful, just like the smile that never leaves his eyes.

He looks down at our bodies and I follow his gaze before letting out a whistle. We're a mess.

"Want to take a quick shower with me?" he asks and I laugh. "Yeah, I think we might need it", I reply. We really do.