"What the hell are you doing here?" I haven't seen this man in almost a month, and he just appears on my doorstep.
"You moved without saying anything," he says, shifting his weight between his feet.
Rolling my eyes, I sigh. "I told everyone who mattered. You left; disappeared."
"You—"
"I did exactly what I was supposed to do, Edward. I continued to date, and I met someone. You didn't like that because why? You like me; you have feelings for me … you're so afraid of commitment, so afraid to put yourself out there, that you pushed me away. We're done; you can't just show up here and act like I wronged you in some way. After all, I wasn't your girlfriend."
He's just staring at me; he doesn't look angry, but he doesn't look shaken either. I thought I'd made this clear a month ago—we were done. He had predicted that I would come back to our arrangement; that I would come crawling back to him.
But here he is on my doorstep.
"I came by to bring you a housewarming gift," Edward says, and I'm surprised. There's a small bag by his feet that I hadn't noticed. He bends to pick it up and hands it to me. I hesitantly take it from him, refusing to open it in front of him. "I didn't come here to fight with you because you're right. I was upset that you didn't tell me you were moving; I had to hear it from that asshole Jake."
"What happened with you and Jake?"
"He asked me to move out." Edward rolls his eyes. "He and Embry want the house to themselves."
Sighing, I shake my head. "I'm sorry. I know you weren't ready for that. Are you going back to the ship?"
"No, I'm moving into my own place." He shoves his hands into his pockets. "Someone told me recently that I probably needed to grow up."
"Hey, I never said that." I feel a little sick to my stomach. Edward's a jerk, but he has a good heart; I know that deep down. "I never wanted us not to be friends."
"I know, but I think I need to figure some shit out." He takes a step back and gives me a small smile. "Maybe one day, I'll show up on your doorstep, and you won't yell at me."
"Edward—"
"I'll see you around. Congrats on the new place." And with that, Edward walks down the tiny path away from my door and onto the street.
I close the door slowly, locking away the world, and place the bag on my kitchen table. I'm determined not to open it; there's nothing in that bag that can change my mind about anything that's happened between us.
As time ticks by and I start preparing for Ben's arrival, I think about the things Edward said, but it seems so sudden and out of the blue. It doesn't matter what he says, it only matters what he does. He has to demonstrate that he's capable of making actual changes before I can even think about being friends with him again. Let alone anything else.
Just as that thought rolls through my brain, a knock sounds at the door, and I worry for just a moment that Edward is back. Glancing at the clock, I realize it's Ben; reaching the door, I take a deep breath and smile as I greet him. He enters with a large bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine, and one of his sweet Ben smiles.
"This place looks great, Bella." Ben kisses my cheek as he enters the living room before I lead him into the kitchen. "You've got everything set up too."
He hands me the flowers, and I'm grateful they came in a vase since I don't have any. The wine is red and will pair great with dinner, so I open it and offer him a glass. "Yeah, my friends were a great help. Want the dime tour?"
He nods, and I take him around the place to show it off. "I have my own bathroom, so Jasper can use this one while he's here. It's nice not having to share anymore."
"Jasper?" Ben looks confused for a moment. "Jasper's here?"
"Yeah, I told you. His apartment isn't ready for another month, but he needed to get out too. I have the spare room, so he's bunking here for the time being."
Ben doesn't say anything for a moment, and I wonder if I really did neglect to tell him. I know I did, or this is some weird reaction to me living with a guy.
"You don't have a problem with this, do you?" I ask, hesitantly. I was hoping that tonight would be a defining night in deciding where our relationship is going. But if he has any issues, then that's a deal breaker.
"No, I must've just forgotten. Isn't Jasper dating your friend's sister? Rose?" Ben asks, and I nod, feeling a little relieved.
"Yeah, his sister Alice." I lead him back to the living area. "They were going shopping today, so I assume he's still with her."
"Okay, so what are we having for dinner?" Ben asks, setting his wine glass down. "And how can I help?"
Ben helps me put together the rest of the meal, and when we sit down, I'm feeling completely comfortable once again.
"This is great, Bella. Thanks for making dinner." Ben wipes at his mouth and tops off our glasses. "Do you like cooking?"
"I enjoy it when it suits me. Give me pizza or Chinese takeout any day." I laugh.
Ben's eyes dart over to the gift bag on the table that I had lazily pushed out of our way. "What's that?"
"Oh." I sigh, reaching for it. "One of the roommates brought it earlier. I just hadn't opened it yet."
"Is it a housewarming gift? You should open it." He smiles and grabs our plates to take them into the kitchen.
I can hear him rinsing them, and I grab for the bag. Taking a deep breath, I reach inside, and when I pull the gift out, I laugh to myself. It's a Ferris wheel, and in place of the seats, there are small frames for pictures. In one of the frames is a picture of Edward and me, and from the looks of it, it's from Memorial Day weekend. Someone had snapped a photo of us on the patio swing, talking close and laughing. It's a sweet pic of two friends, but it's bittersweet— it's what he and I used to be. There's a note along with it, but I'll save that for when I'm alone.
Ben comes back to the table and places a hand on my shoulder. "What was it?"
"A nice gift. A conversation starter," I say, grabbing his hand and leading him to the couch. "I'll get the wine. We need to talk."
**BoU**
"Just to be clear, you had sex with him before our first date?" Ben asks, he hasn't moved away from me, but he has downed his glass of wine in record time.
"Um, technically, yes. But like two days before, not two hours before." I wince. It doesn't matter how I spin this. It doesn't sound good; doesn't make me look good.
"Did you have feelings for him? Do you now? Is that why you two broke things off?" Ben runs a hand through his hair before turning to fully face me.
"I didn't at first." Sighing, I pull my feet up under me. "I did like him when we first met. I thought he was charming and cute, but I didn't spend enough time with him to get to know him. So, I didn't really like him when we started this. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a moment when I felt something, but—"
"Do you feel something now? I know you said he's an asshole with commitment and trust issues, but that doesn't mean you can't have feelings for him." Ben grabs my hand and stares into my eyes. "I'd like to keep seeing you on a more regular basis, more seriously."
"But?"
"Look, what you did before we started dating or even before we become committed to each other, I can't have a say in. You're telling me that he stopped by today to tell you that he's going to change, gives you a meaningful gift, and you haven't said whether or not you have feelings for him or not." Ben pats my hand and gently lets go.
"I … I don't know. I do know that I like you, and I'd like to see what happens with us." Might be pleading, but I hope not.
"I'd like that too, but I don't want to be the one worrying about whether you're thinking of someone else or if you're not really happy with me." Ben stands, and I follow him. "I think you need to figure that out first."
"Ben, don't go. Please?" Apparently, I'm not above begging. I can feel my eyes filling with tears. "Just stay. I know what I want."
"I believe that you think you do, but I don't think that's true." He presses a kiss to my cheek as the first tears fall. "Hey, we're still going to talk. We're still going to see each other. I just want you to figure this out."
Nodding, I open the door. "Okay."
I watch as Ben leaves, tears brimming in my eyes. I lock the door, mechanically moving to the kitchen to clean up from dinner, turning off the lights, and putting myself to bed. I'm not sure how long I cry before I fall asleep, but when I wake in the morning, I'm determined that it's the last night I'll cry over some guy.