October at Hogwarts was remarkably wet that year. It felt like it had been raining for centuries as Sirius and James sat in the library on a Friday morning, watching the rain out the window and very certainly not doing any work. It pounded the glass, whipped up by the fierce wind, and in the distance, the Whomping Willow could be seen flailing furiously in the tempest.

"Do you think it's ever going to stop raining?" James asked.

"We can but hope, Jem," Sirius replied, fiddling with the end of his quill, where the feathers were fragile and crooked. "Where's Moony?"

"Gryffindor Tower. Trying to get some sleep before tonight."

"Poor bastard," Sirius sighed, "it's going to be foul out there."

"Yeah, it'll be grim. Got to make sure Wormtail doesn't get washed away into the Black Lake, little bugger."

"Of all the creatures," Sirius said softly, "of course he'd be a rat."

It was the night of the month that always filled Sirius simultaneously with dread and excitement - the full moon. Poor Remus, of course, suffered dreadfully with the agony of transforming, his body contorting and twisting wretchedly as he became the werewolf. The pain, too, was in his mind - he didn't have the mercy of retaining his personality or his thoughts when he transformed, instead being given over entirely to his animal was like nothing he could describe, the pure unrivalled torture of descending into the werewolf's consciousness.

Sirius, in comparison, loved transforming. He loved the feel of the ground below the pads of his paws, loved the way the wind blew through his fur, and the way his senses were all heightened. He didn't become the dog, in the way Remus became the wolf, but there was something - a sort of focus, he supposed - that he didn't have in human form. It had always seemed a touch ironic that he only gained that precision of mind when he became a dog.

James, too, revelled in the change, his slender frame becoming long limbs and muscled flanks. They loved to race one another, he and Sirius, charging around the Forbidden Forest with Remus on their heels and Peter on one of their backs. Where James' transformation had a certain elegance to it, a fluidity to his stag's movement, Sirius became a hulking thing, bounding with unbridled energy. It was his puppy nature in full bloom, James always joked.

"How are you feeling about tomorrow?" Sirius asked James, referring to the Quidditch match they were set to play against Ravenclaw.

"Rum luck that it's happening right after the change," James muttered, as Madam Pince walked past them, guiding a stack of books with her wand and fixing them with an icy stare. "We're going to be exhausted, that's for sure."

"Still, I always think that we're a better team. You know their seeker, oh what's his name-"

"Alexander Finch," James offered.

"Yeah, him, you know he's new and if the weather stays like this, I doubt it'll be pretty. He's only a second year and he's tiny."

"Marlene shouldn't have a problem with him, true, but their beaters are strong this year, Pads."

"Are you doubting me, old boy?" Sirius asked with a grin.

"Never," James replied, matching his smirk.

"Good," Sirius said, standing and stretching, his shirt coming untucked from his trousers as he raised his arms above his head. "Now, can we please go and get some lunch? I might die if I don't eat."

"You're such a drama queen, Padfoot," James laughed.

"No, you don't understand, I haven't eaten anything since breakfast and I actually might die."

After lunch - Sirius had third helpings of mashed potatoes, plus two puddings, just to be safe - James returned to the library to finish a Potions essay he had been procrastinating on. With Remus still resting, and Peter nowhere to be found, Sirius made his way to the fourth floor, to the strange room that contained Hogwarts' collection of magical musical instruments. He was feeling uneasy about the upcoming foray into the forest for some reason, and wanted something to take his mind off it. Perhaps it was the weather, he thought.

He settled himself at the grand piano in the corner of the room, ignoring the moan of complaint from the piano stool - the irritable thing only did it to spite him, he thought. His fingers touched the keys, and soon enough the piano had matched his melody, playing the duet of its own accord.

"I didn't know you played piano," he heard a few minutes later from behind him, and he swivelled in his seat. Lily was standing in the doorway, smiling.

"Evans! Yes, it's one of the few good things I learnt in the Ancient and Noble House of Black."

"Your parents like music? That seems…"

"Unexpected?" he finished for her.

"Yeah."

"Doesn't it just? I think it's one of the few things they both actually like, as much as they are capable of liking things, so it distracts them from their otherwise rotting and fetid marriage."

Lily laughed, and pulled up a stool to sit next to Sirius. As she sat down, it screeched, and she jumped up with a look of terror on her face. Sirius burst out laughing.

"You've never been in here, have you? Ignore it, Evans, all the instruments and stools in here are fiercely foul mannered."

"Bloody hell," Lily muttered, and tentatively sat back down. Fortunately, this time, the stool only tutted quietly.

"There you go," Sirius smiled, "it's accepted you. This old boy," he pointed to the piano stool he sat on, "has taken years to accept me, and I still get a grumble every time I sit down. The double bass is the worst - it just screams fuck at you when you pick it up - but the piano is utterly charming."

"Magic is truly remarkable sometimes," Lily giggled, looking round the room. "You're right, by the way, I've never been in here. Only found out it existed this year - no musical talent in me, so I suppose I never missed it."

"You can sing… sort of," Sirius offered.

"Generous, Sirius," Lily said ruefully. "Go on, play something for me."

"What would madam like?"

"Something cheerful - this weather is putting me in a funk."

Sirius lifted his fingers to the keys, and thought for a minute before beginning to play. It was a warm, rich tune, and he smiled at Lily's amazement when the piano added mellifluous bass notes to round out the song. He loved this piano, more than any other he'd played, loved the worn ivory keys and the chips in the black veneer. As he came to a close, Lily applauded.

"Gosh, Sirius, that was lovely! Do magical pianos always do that? The duet thing, I mean," she asked.

"Some of them do," he explained. "This old girl is a real charmer, she'll play with you any time. The one I learnt to play on at home less so - it would slam the lid shut on your fingers if you screwed up your scales." He stopped, realising what he'd said. "At my parents' house, I mean, not home."

Lily put a hand on his arm.

"Have you seen them, since you left?" she asked gently.

"Once," Sirius admitted. "It was over the summer, in Diagon Alley. I'd been to see my cousin - you know, Andromeda, the one who married the Muggleborn - and I ran into them as I was walking back to the Leaky Cauldron."

"How was it?"

"Fucking awful, really," Sirius replied, wrinkling his nose at the memory. "My dad walked right past me like I didn't exist, but my mother obviously couldn't pass up the opportunity to call me a blood traitor and tell me how perfect little Regulus was everything I'm not."

"Oh Sirius," Lily said softly, "I'm-"

"Don't," Sirius said, holding up a hand with a rueful smile. "I know you're going to say you're sorry, and I appreciate it, Lily, but I'm not sorry for leaving. Even when it's rough, I'm not sorry for it. Anyhow, I bumped into Rosmerta in the Leaky Cauldron and ended up spilling my sorry tale to her over far too many Firewhiskeys."

"Oh, so that's how you got the free drinks!" Lily exclaimed.

"Indeed - Rosmerta said that I deserved a little cheering up, and said to come by the Three Broomsticks any time I was feeling down about it. But," he said with mock seriousness, "you can't tell anyone that and ruin my reputation, Evans. Swear?"

"Cross my heart. Speaking of Rosmerta," Lily said, a slow grin across her face, "what was the deal with you in the pub the other day? Chatting about your perfect woman?"

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"I like winding you all up," he said. "That's all."

"So it definitely wasn't about making a dig at a certain blonde beauty we both know and love? That you swapped saliva with in the common room and have been being way weird with ever since?"

Sirius swallowed, feeling Lily's eyes on him as he awkwardly looked away.

"Knew it," Lily said quietly. "Sirius Black, you've caught feelings."

"Lies," Sirius said, all too quickly. He could feel his heart pumping in his chest.

"Absolutely true, look at your face, it's a picture!" Lily said with a giggle. "Good God, Sirius Black with feelings, I never thought I'd see the day."

"Ev- Lily," he said, imploringly, "don't mention it it the others, please. I'm… I'm barely coming to terms with it, let alone having to explain to the people who think I'm a total cad that I do, in fact, have the propensity to feel."

"I won't tell a soul," Lily said firmly, "but you shouldn't underestimate how well the boys know you. Want to know what James said to me on patrol the other night about you?"

"You guys talk about me? Traitors!"

"Do you want to know or not, Sirius?"

"Yeah, go on then."

"Sirius needs someone who lets him know it's ok to let his guard down."

"Pardon?"

"That's what James said about you, the other night: Sirius needs someone who lets him know it's ok to let his guard down."

"Oh," Sirius said, scratching his chin. "Maybe I give him less credit than he deserves when it comes to being sensitive."

"Only problem is…" Lily began.

"I've ended up with feelings for someone who does commitment as well as I do," Sirius finished. "Hence, the problem."

"Bugger."

The pair sat in silence for a moment, before Sirius looked up at Lily.

"What?" she asked.

"I've spilled my feelings, it's you turn." He poked the knee that was closest to him. "You have feelings for James."

"Absolutely not!" Lily laughed so awkwardly, it sounded like something was gripping her vocal cords. Sirius raised and eyebrow, and she sighed.

"Fine, yes, ok," she admitted.

"KNEW IT," Sirius crowed, a little too loudly.

"Shh! It's just a passing crush, it's nothing," Lily blushed.

"False."

"Sirius!"

"For you to have a crush on James Fleamont Potter, Evans, some cosmic shift in the universe must have occurred and that is a big deal."

"Is his middle name really Fleamont?" Lily chuckled.

"Yup, his dad's name. Also not the point, stop avoiding the issue."

"If you tell James, I'll tell Marlene," Lily said darkly, and Sirius swallowed audibly.

"Alright, alright," he said finally. "I won't tell if you won't."

"Good."

"But," Sirius continued, "I think we should have a deal. James has liked you since he was eleven, and if you seriously think you have feelings for him, you should tell him."

"What part of that is a deal?" Lily asked, scowling.

"If you tell James, I'll tell Marlene," Sirius said, parroting her own words to her.

"What?" Lily asked incredulously.

"Because I want you and my best pal to be happy, obviously, I will tell the most commitment-phobic girl I know that, actually, I quite like her and would like her to get over her phobia and commit. To me. Another commitment-phobic. What could possibly go wrong?" He grimaced.

"You'd seriously do that to get me to tell James?"

"I'd do that for James," Sirius corrected.

"Let me think on it, ok?" Lily asked.

"A week from today, we'll talk."

"Deal," Lily said, before standing and leaving the room.

Even for Sirius, the night's activities were unpleasant. The rain poured, practically bouncing back up off the floor of the Forbidden Forest. He was stopped in a small clearing, circling slowly as he caught his breath, alert to any sounds of the werewolf approaching. The shaggy black fur was drenched, stuck down under the pressure of the water, and he was panting hard.

He was desperately tired. They'd had a rough time of it, trying to keep Remus from entering Hogsmeade, drawing him off into the depths of the Forbidden Forest. He didn't usually want to enter the village, and typically was satisfied with chasing the others through the forest, but tonight had been different. Sirius was pretty certain that he'd pulled a muscle in the chase, where he'd taken his leap over a stream, landing a little off kilter. He'd lost James, and by extension, Peter, who was riding the stag's back tonight, in the frenetic pursuit.

He smelled the werewolf before he saw him. Grotesque, really, the smell, like sweat and mud and the unmistakable, metallic scent of blood. Sirius stopped his circling, and paused, one of his front paws held aloft as he tracked the scent, pinpointing the direction from which the werewolf was approaching. Soon enough, Sirius was ready to speed through the trees, the werewolf giving chase.

Off Sirius went again, pounding the ground back towards the Shrieking Shack. He could tell Remus was tiring, too, as the werewolf was nowhere near as close to the dog as he would have been at the start of the night. It felt like the greatest relief to see that magnificent stag in the clearing outside the shack, small rat upon its back, waiting for their return, and to note the lighter sky above them. As Remus approached, they entered the Shack, luring him in.

The boys had managed a couple of hours sleep, but it was not really enough to deal with the Ravenclaw match. The weather, of course, continued as it had for weeks - rain upon rain upon rain, so much that there was standing water on the Quidditch pitch. By half time, Ravenclaw were up by 100 points, and it wasn't looking pretty.

"Ok, look," James said, as the Gryffindor team huddled round him in the changing room at half time. "The weather is awful, I get that, and I know you're all exhausted from it, but we've got to keep pushing ahead. They're absolutely destroying us at the moment, and we need to stop them scoring any more so that Marlene can get the snitch."

"You need to watch their beaters," Marlene said to Sirius and Fabian Prewett, his fellow beater. "The big one - is his name Anderson? - he's really good, and there've been some near misses."

"Got it," Fabian responded, nodding. Sirius barely registered her comment, he was so tired. He was right in thinking he'd pulled a muscle the night before; his right hamstring ached deeply.

"Earth to Black? Hello?" Marlene waved a hand in front of Sirius' face, and he jerked his head back.

"Yes, yes, I heard you," he replied irritably.

Marlene looked at him, confusion on her face. There was an awkward silence in the huddle, as the team avoided eye contact with the usually-jovial Sirius. James coughed, then continued.

"Right, so Gideon, if you…"

Sirius cursed himself internally. He hadn't meant to be snappy. The weather, like James had said, was really playing havoc, and that deep tiredness in his very core was different to other times after the change. He'd do it all over again, of course he would - Remus was a Marauder, and you didn't let Marauders down - but this time it had taken a toll. He couldn't wait for a hot shower, a hell of a lot of food, and some rest.

It didn't help, of course, that Marlene was still looking at him, an expression on her face that he couldn't decipher from out the corner of his eye. Ever since his conversation with Lily, Sirius had been feeling uneasy about the situation. He'd tell her if Lily told James - he wasn't one to go back on his word, after all - but he was unsure how to deal with what felt like an inevitable rejection. It wasn't something he was used to, being turned down by girls; his reputation as a ladies' man wasn't entirely unfounded. But, this was different, this was McKinnon. She had the same kind of reputation with the guys, she threatened him physically, she flirted with pretty much any attractive guy, often in front of him.

Sure, he gave as good as he got. Marlene had walked in on him and a Ravenclaw girl at one of James' parties over the summer, after all. It had been… awkward. And then he'd kissed her, and from what he could remember, it had been incredible, and-

"So, let's do this," James finished, and Sirius realised he had missed the entire pep talk. Grabbing his broom, he followed his best friend out into the rain again, decidedly avoiding Marlene's eye.

It was not a pretty victory, in the end - Marlene caught the snitch, of course, but it left them only 10 points ahead. The Gryffindor team trudged to the showers, grateful to finally wash the mud and sweat from them. By the time Sirius was out of the shower, the changing room was empty; no doubt the others had headed straight back to the castle to avail themselves of hot chocolate and something to eat.

Sirius walked in his towel across the changing room, feeling significantly better for the shower. It had been a poor performance on his part, he felt - his brain felt addled from the night before, and the weather had made things significantly worse. Still, he thought, a win is a win.

"What the fuck were you playing at, Black?" Marlene said angrily. She was standing at the door, hand on her hip.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, sitting down on the bench and rubbing his hair with a towel.

"You literally sat there while Anderson's bludger nearly took me out, barely moving."

"What?" Sirius frowned. "When?"

"Like ten minutes before I got the snitch?" Marlene replied, her eyes flashing dangerously. "But, it's nice to know that you're paying so much attention to the safety of your team members, I must say."

It was a low blow. Sirius was usually the most diligent of beaters, and James often tasked him with shadowing Marlene in order to protect the seeker. The two of them spent hours perfecting their symbiotic technique, and the understanding on the pitch between them was envied by other players, not only within the Gryffindor team but also in other houses.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Sirius growled, "I didn't deliberately miss it. I'm sorry, ok? The visibility was awful and I just didn't get to it."

"Have I done something to piss you off, Black?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're being awfully shirty with me right now, you barely registered me at half time when I was literally speaking to you, and you spent half the match looking like you couldn't give two shits about whether massive Anderson was slamming bludgers my way," Marlene retorted.

"Do you know something, Marlene?" Sirius spat, and the use of her given name didn't go unnoticed. "Not everything is about you, ok? You are not the only person on this team, and you are not the only person that matters! Is there ever a point in your life where you don't think about yourself?"

Silence. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Sirius could feel a sting of regret among the anger. He didn't lash out at the girls - even when things were very desperate, like when he'd left home, he'd never really let the usual jovial exterior slip in front of anyone other than the Marauders. They forgave him, instantly, because that was the way it worked. He didn't get angry with the girls, not like this.

The look on Marlene's face said everything.

"Fuck you, Sirius," she whispered. Turning on her heel, she ran out of the room.