Chapter 5 – Mandalore
Author's Note: I am overwhelmed and grateful by all the support I've received for this fic! However, this is the last chapter I have written, and I don't know if I'll be done with chapter 6 by next month. I will continue this fic, and I will finish it, but I'm in the middle of releasing far too many projects at once. It's becoming very overwhelming for me, so I can't make any promises about when you'll get the next chapter. Sorry in advance! :)
WARNING: Self-harm, suicidal thoughts/feelings, blood, and general darkness!
~ Amina Gila
It's been three months since Obi-Wan faked his death. Three months in which Anakin has fallen deeper into depression, the only reprieve being solo missions when he can be alone with Ahsoka and his men without any reason to wear a mask. But none of that has stopped the pain gnawing at him, even if it has lessened in time. He's learned how to cope, how much pain his body can tolerate before has to stop hurting himself, how far he can go without it becoming too much of a risk. He doesn't think anything of it anymore; it's another one of those things he does almost daily unless there's been a major battle and he was injured, or if he's too exhausted.
There are still times when the guilt and grief take him by surprise, but he's managing. He's functioning, and most importantly, he's still winning. That's all that matters. He's learned how to make impenetrable shielding to hide the storm of emotion in his heart; it must be effective, because he's able to tease and joke with Obi-Wan the way they used to, conversation light, while he feels like he's being crushed. There hasn't been even the slightest shade of worry in his former master's eyes that he could see. Either his shielding is effective, or Obi-Wan simply doesn't care, not the way Anakin had thought and hoped he might.
His friendship with Obi-Wan has grown far more distant – he can hardly confide emotions and thoughts that he ought not be having – but they're still friends, at least he thinks they are. Even so, Anakin has to admit that he was surprised when Obi-Wan came to him, asking for a shuttle he could borrow to go visit a friend in danger on Mandalore. It didn't take much talking for Anakin to learn that the friend is, in fact, Satine. Obi-Wan hadn't been keen on sharing the details, but Anakin has learned that not only is Satine in some sort of trouble, but also, the Council didn't want Obi-Wan to get involved.
After contacting a clone to bring the Twilight to the hanger – even if the repairs aren't fully finished; Anakin is tempted to prank his former master, if only to make him look like a fool in front of Satine when he shows up in a semi-operational shuttle – Anakin walks with Obi-Wan to see him off. Part of him wants to go, wants to come alone just to ensure that Obi-Wan is safe, but he doesn't really know how to ask.
"I don't mean to point this out," Anakin comments lightly as they walk, "But it's kinda strange to see you acting... well, like me." He can't help but snort at the end of the sentence at the thought of Obi-Wan becoming more disinclined to listen to the Council if he thinks its necessary.
"I'm not sure what you mean, Anakin," Obi-Wan replies calmly.
"You're putting your relationship with Satine ahead of what the Jedi Council wants," Anakin points out, raising an eyebrow, trying to ignore the armor Obi-Wan is wearing. It's Hardeen's armor, the helmet tucked under his arm. He last saw him in it on Naboo, back when his emotions were so raw that he didn't think he'd ever be able to hold up even a pretense of normalcy.
"Really. I'm simply helping Satine in her time of trouble," Obi-Wan argues with a slight frown. "The policies of the Chancellor and the Jedi often don't meet eye to eye these days."
Anakin chuckles, though it's a bit forced. "Hey. If you want some time alone with your girlfriend, just say so," he teases, putting his hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder for a few seconds, the touch more for his benefit than Obi-Wan's, as the Twilight lands in front of them. "I'll be more than happy to come along and make sure you have privacy."
"That will not be necessary," Obi-Wan assures him, eyeing the shuttle dubiously. "Are you sure this thing will get me to Mandalore in one piece?"
"Positive!" Anakin insists, looking away to hide a smirk. If he dissociates from his pain, from the emptiness inside of him, it's easy for him to pretend that he's having fun. Sometimes, he forgets that he truly isn't. He watches as the clone pilot disembarks from the shuttle, motioning to him in acknowledgement before walking away. Obi-Wan's focus is thankfully on the ship instead of him, which lets Anakin rearrange his expression suitably, so he doesn't look quite so smug and eager. He would pay to see the look on Satine's face when she realizes that Obi-Wan arrived in an experimental, work-in-progress shuttle.
Obi-Wan hums, unconvinced. "Didn't you crash it several times?"
"I made some modifications. Trust me," he says as convincingly as he can, resting his arm on Obi-Wan's shoulder once more. "We should change the name from Twilight to Flawless." He's so thankful that the sarcasm of his words isn't audible.
Obi-Wan gives him a highly suspicious look, and Anakin wipes the smirk off his face, looking at him innocently. The Twilight is smoking ominously in front of them, drawing Obi-Wan's attention back to it. Anakin grins again, the strange giddiness inside of him, not really reaching into his heart. It's only temporary and does little to fill the emptiness in his heart.
"Master!" Ahsoka races up, skidding to a halt on Anakin's other side. She raises an eyemarking when she sees the Twilight sitting there. "Are you seriously taking out the Twilight?"
"Yes, I lent it to Obi-Wan," Anakin explains, giving her a look, so she doesn't say anything. "He's going on a secret mission."
She does, of course, totally ignoring his look. "Did you fix that thing..." Anakin nudges her, and she finally, grudgingly, falls silent.
"What thing?" Obi-Wan questions suspiciously.
"Oh, it's nothing," Anakin declares confidently, "But now that Ahsoka mentions it, I think I should come with you, Obi-Wan. No one knows that shuttle like I do. If something goes wrong, I can take care of it."
"I really don't think that's a good idea," Obi-Wan objects. "The Council doesn't even want me going."
"Too bad. I'm coming."
Ahsoka gives Obi-Wan an incredulous look. "Well, if you're both going, I want to come."
"No," Anakin shakes his head, "I need you to stay here, Ahsoka. Cover for us as long as you can, okay? We won't be gone long, I'm sure, and I'll comm you."
"Okay," she agrees, looking rather unhappy. "Have fun, Master, Master Obi-Wan!"
"Yes, well, may the Force be with you," Obi-Wan says to her. He gives Anakin an unreadable look as they board the Twilight. "Are you certain about coming along?" he questions as Anakin slips into the pilot's seat and fires up the engines, wincing at the loud noise they're making. Something crackles in the background, and he carefully doesn't look back even though Obi-Wan does. The look of incredulity and alarm on his face is worth it, and Anakin chokes on a laugh. The entire shuttle is vibrating unnaturally as it takes off from the hanger bay, flying away from Coruscant. Obi-Wan programs the navicomputer, and they're off to Mandalore.
Once they're in hyperspace, the blue and white swirls passing the viewport, Anakin's mood promptly plummets again. He never seems able to hold onto amusement for long, and sometimes, he intentionally finds increasingly ridiculous ways to momentarily take the edge off his depression. It doesn't help that Obi-Wan is close to him; usually those moments are the hardest, though he struggles not to let it show. It's especially bad now with that armor as a content, painful reminder of the past.
Still, he asked for it by insisting that he come to Mandalore. He can't really say why he wanted to come, though it was admittedly, in part, because he hopes to find something diverting in Obi-Wan's interactions with the Duchess. It makes him wonder just what kind of "trouble" she is in, though he's unsure he believes that it was truly urgent enough to take Obi-Wan to Mandalore against the Council's wishes. Maybe he did simply want to see her again and found a good excuse to go.
But the Force was nudging him as well, telling him that he ought to remain with Obi-Wan, that he shouldn't let him go alone. Anakin knows better than to ignore the Force's commands, so he went. He hopes that he won't regret it.
"What kind of trouble is the Duchess in?" Anakin queries curiously, breaking the silence.
Obi-Wan's expression is grave, and he strokes his beard thoughtfully. "I don't know," he finally admits. "She sent me an urgent message, saying that Almec has taken control, and that he's being supported by the crime families. She's a prisoner."
Anakin feels a chill run down his spine, a silent warning that he might have made a huge mistake. "Obi-Wan, when you said 'trouble,' I had no idea you meant something like that," Anakin says quietly, unable to look at him. He doesn't think that the Twilight is ready for the kind of action that it will, no doubt, be seeing. Had he known, he would have chosen literally any other shuttle. How was he supposed to know how serious it is?
"Don't tell me you want to back out," Obi-Wan jokes, though his words are strained.
Anakin swallows, heart pounding as he realizes that he'll have to confess. Even if he doesn't say so, Obi-Wan will definitely be disappointed. His mechanical fingers clench on his right thigh, digging in hard enough to cause bruises. Well, he deserves no less. "I'm sorry," he blurts out, speaking quickly in an attempt to get the apology over with. "I should have realized. We shouldn't have taken the Twilight. It's not ready for something that serious."
His former master is quiet for a few seconds before he sighs. "There isn't anything we can do anymore. We'll have take it one step at a time."
Anakin nods miserably, eyes again falling on the bounty hunter's helmet. He remembers the pain which seemed as though it might consume him, and suddenly, his fingers are itching for the shard of metal he keeps tucked in his pocket at all times. "I'm going to the cabin for a while," he tells Obi-Wan, still avoiding his eyes as he practically flees.
Once he's inside the cabin, away from any prying eyes, Anakin strengthens his mental shielding as he locks the door and sits on the edge of the bunk. He imagines that Obi-Wan will be meditating in the cockpit which gives him some time to himself. What was he even thinking, suggesting that they bring the Twilight? Shouldn't he have known by now that Obi-Wan always seems to underplay the danger in many situations, especially ones that will affect him personally? What happens if, because of Anakin's stupidity, Satine is injured or killed? How could he ever live with that?
Tears blur his eyes, falling down his cheeks as he lets himself be vulnerable. The deep aching loneliness inside him surges up, threatening to overwhelm him entirely. He robotically pulls up his sleeve, staring down at the numerous white scars marking the inside of his arm. He's fortunate that no one has noticed; he's been careful, but he can't always ensure that the wound heals without a scar, especially the deeper ones. Probably the only reason that Padme hasn't noticed is because he has so many scars covering his body. A few extra on one of his arms isn't enough to draw attention.
He drags the shard of metal across his skin, watching the blood well up and drip down his arm, even though the pain scarcely registers. It ought to hurt, but he feels detached from his body right now, memories of that armor suddenly whirling through his mind. It's often too much for him, and moments like this are common. He cuts through his skin two more times for good measure, relaxing only when the pain pulls him out of his head. The coming mess is his fault, and he has to be able to focus well enough to get them all out of it alive.
Anakin has no sense of time, no idea how long it's been when he slips from the cabin, immediately entering the 'fresher. He washes the blood off the metal, putting it back into his pocket before rinsing his arm. A gentle touch from the Force stops the blood seeping out and closes the deepest of the injuries. It's become almost second nature to him now, the use of the Force to heal wounds, especially small ones like these.
He doesn't close them completely – that would defeat the purpose behind having them – and instead, pulls his sleeve back down, ready to go back out and face Obi-Wan with a mask firmly in place. It's become a habit, a ritual, and while he might hate it, at least no one knows exactly how terrible of a Jedi he is, how much of a failure.
Obi-Wan doesn't say anything when he returns to the cockpit only half an hour before they emerge from hyperspace above Mandalore, which is a good thing. Anakin needs a few more minutes to fully slip into his General-mode, the stinging cuts on his arm giving him something which grounds him to the present, keeping him out of his head.
As the Twilight emerges from hyperspace, Anakin takes it down to the surface, landing on a landing pad in Sundari, the capital of Mandalore. He can't help the feeling of dread and uncertainty which creeps up on him. He knows this shuttle, and he knows that it's not responding the way it ought to. Anakin flinches when something crackles and hisses behind him in the cockpit, flames erupting from the wall. Oops?
"This is the last time I'm borrowing a ship from you," Obi-Wan grumbles good-naturedly, shaking his head with a fond exasperation as he warily looks at the damage behind him. "That is, a ship that hasn't been certified as a reliable transport." He's smiling when he says it, so Anakin knows that he's teasing, but it still stings. It shouldn't. Maybe he's simply become so used to finding and seeking out pain that he's unable to take a joke at face value.
Obi-Wan pulls the helmet over his head, and Anakin can't help but flinch, a wave of nausea rushing through him. He feels helpless, as if everything is slipping through his fingers, leaving him unable to do anything but watch as everyone leaves. The ramp doesn't lower properly, and Obi-Wan stomps on it, while Anakin waits inside. If they have any intention of going anywhere, they'll need disguises, he knows. It's not something they need to discuss, having worked together for so many years.
It lowers more, and Obi-Wan jumps off, pushing on the mechanism which suddenly gives, nearly toppling him off balance. Anakin cracks a smile which soon vanishes, humor replaced by the constant melancholy he's been feeling for months. "Terribly sorry about that," Obi-Wan says to the security guard that approaches him, probably working for the current ruler.
This has to work. If it doesn't, Anakin doesn't know what they'll do. "Do you have a landing permit?" queries the guard.
"Um, I think I left it in the ship," Obi-Wan replies. "Come with me, and I'll get it."
Anakin tenses when he hears footsteps approaching, bracing himself for action. Now that he finally has a fight ahead of him, all his pain and other emotions fade away as if nonexistent. Anakin tackles the guard from behind, hitting his helmet hard enough to stun him. He drops to the floor, and Anakin hastens to strip off his armor and weapons, securing him tightly so that he won't be able to notify anyone or call for assistance when he awakens.
He rapidly secures the armor on his own body, feeling the strangeness of the metal on him. It's rare that Anakin wears armor, at least this much, and it'll take some getting used to. "Come on," he tells Obi-Wan as they disembark from the shuttle. Glancing around, Anakin pulls the helmet over his head and walks to a nearby speeder. Climbing onto it, they speed away into the city.
Flying to the prison is the easy part, but with Obi-Wan wearing armor that obviously belongs to a bounty hunter, they cannot simply walk inside. "I can ambush one of the guards," Anakin suggests hesitantly as he scans the perimeter. "It will hopefully give us ten minutes of time to escape before someone realizes that the Duchess has been freed."
"If that's the best we'll get, then it will have to do," Obi-Wan answers, resignedly.
Mandalorians are notoriously powerful warriors, so Anakin sincerely hopes that they don't run into any trouble when escaping with the Duchess, especially being as they aren't going to be getting any backup. They're completely on their own now, going to confront an enemy which they don't know. Anakin can feel the Dark Side here, but the user is shielded, making it impossible for him to determine anything without lowering his own shielding, something which is highly inadvisable for obvious reasons.
Anakin activates his jetpack, flying from the speeder down towards the side of the prison where there's only one guard patrolling. Firing a stun bolt from one of the blasters he stole, he hastily strips the man's armor and leaves him tied up, before flying back to where Obi-Wan is waiting. His heart is pounding faster than normal from anticipation as Obi-Wan dons the new set of armor, and they enter the prison. No one stops them.
From there, it's not too hard to locate Satine, and Anakin suspects that his former master might be drawing discreetly on the Force to do so. They finally reach her prison cell – it's insulting that she's in a prison in her own capital city. Anakin pushes the button to open the door, and Obi-Wan steps inside slowly.
"Here to do more of your master's bidding?" Satine asks disdainfully.
"I do my own bidding," Obi-Wan answers, a hint of amusement in his voice as he pulls off his helmet, holding it beneath his arm. Anakin remains outside, scanning for any possible threats.
"Obi-Wan!" the Duchess exclaims, leaping to her feet and throwing herself at Obi-Wan. She clings to him for a moment before Obi-Wan gently pushes her back.
Anakin looks away unable to watch. He'd always known – after they first came to Mandalore – that Obi-Wan had feelings for her, but knowing something and seeing it, especially considering his currently relationship – more like the lack thereof – with Obi-Wan hurts. It's like rubbing salt into an open wound. He wants to be close with his former master. He craves the friendship and affection they'd once shared, but Obi-Wan has made it abundantly clear that he is willing to accept nothing of the sort, not when it's an indication of attachment. Or he's not willing to accept it from Anakin, that is.
"Are you alone?" she questions.
"No," Obi-Wan tells her, gesturing to Anakin, who is still lurking in the hall, arms crossed. "You've met General Skywalker before. The Jedi Council and Galactic Senate will be of no help to us here, unfortunately. We came alone."
Obi-Wan takes her hand, pulling her from the cell. "The area is still clear," Anakin reports, "But we had best hurry." He can deal with his emotions later. They don't matter right now.
"I trust you have an escape plan, then?" Satine wonders as Obi-Wan replaces his helmet once they're in a turbolift going to the bottom floor of the facility.
"Of course, we do," Anakin hastens to assure her. He carefully doesn't add that their plan relies on luck and sheer chance to escape undetected. Some things are better left unsaid.
The doors open to reveal a Mandalorian warrior standing on the other side, ready to enter the turbolift. Casting out with the Force, Anakin senses no others in the immediate vicinity, so he draws his blaster and fires a stun bolt faster than the other man can react. He crumples to the floor, and Obi-Wan hastily drags the body inside.
"We need to put him somewhere," he comments as the turbolift continues going downwards.
Anakin shrugs. "Leave him. He'll be awake later than the others."
In the end, they lay the unconscious man next to the wall on the outside, before climbing into the speeder in which they arrived and flying away. The Force is rippling with tension, and Anakin has a bad feeling about the next part of the operation.
"Hey!" the shout sounds from behind them. "The Duchess is –" Obi-Wan shoots him before he can finish the report over his comm, and Anakin smirks slightly beneath his helmet. Maybe they're not nearly as close as they used to be – something he will always miss and mourn – but they can still work together as a team despite everything; they're still in sync. It soothes him, as much as it hurts.
Anakin hears speeders following them as he stops the speeder. The three of them leap off, dashing towards the Twilight. A blaster bolt whizzes over his head, and he turns, shooting at their pursuers along with Obi-Wan. It feels strange to use a blaster, but he supposes that this must be what Rex and the others feel like during every battle. They don't have anything to block a blaster bolt coming towards them. They either duck or are hit.
Satine is the first onto the ship, naturally, and Anakin darts around Obi-Wan as he raises the ramp, racing to the cockpit to fire up the engines. Predictably, when he pushes the button to fire the engines, it doesn't immediately work. Oh great. Forget about Satine's opinion of Obi-Wan when the shuttle isn't properly operational. At this rate, they're all going to die! Anakin slams the button again, silently asking the Force – and the Twilight – to please listen to him.
Hands on the guns, he opens fire on the pursuing Mandalorians, sensing the dark presences which are approaching. No sense staying around to say hello. The shuttle lifts off far too slowly for Anakin's liking, and he clenches his jaw, helmet still on as he forces it to move faster. Whatever happens here will be all on him. He can feel the Duchess' concern through the Force but tries not to let it bother him. He ought to apologize to her for his role in their current situation. Had they brought a different ship, they would have already escaped.
"We have to contact my sister for help," Satine declares, trying to sound in control, though her panic is obvious. "She'll send reinforcements."
"If she's nearby, I'm sure she already knows," Anakin replies distractedly.
"Who's your sister?" Obi-Wan inquires, which surprises Anakin. He'd thought that his former master had spent some time with Satine on Mandalore years ago. Wouldn't he know? Maybe not. It's possible that, given the chaos which has engulfed the planet for the past many, many years, that Satine wasn't with her family when Obi-Wan first met her.
Anakin feels the danger in the Force seconds before the Twilight shudders from the impact of two missiles, fired from the ground. He knows that the shuttle is doomed, and he can't help the fleeting sadness at the thought. After commandeering the heap of junk on Teth at the beginning of the Clone Wars, Anakin has repaired and modified it more times than he can count. Still, he always knew the day would come when it was destroyed.
"Come on," he orders, jumping up and racing to lower the ramp. "We'll have to jump – or fly."
"You take the Duchess. I'll hold off our pursuers," Obi-Wan tells him.
Anakin frowns, even as Satine moves towards him, expression anxious yet trusting. "Are you certain? Who is it? Do you know?"
"I believe it is Maul," Obi-Wan replies grimly. "Go!"
Anakin obeys without argument, grabbing Satine in his arms and letting her hold onto him tightly as he activates his jetpack and flies from the shuttle, arcing over it before plummeting downwards into the city. If he can lose them, it will be for the best. Behind them, he hears blaster fire, which Obi-Wan is skillfully dodging as he shoots back. Perhaps to keep Maul – if that is indeed who it is – from finding out that they're Jedi, he's decided not to use his lightsaber. The longer they conceal themselves the better.
And then, his world seems to screech to a halt when a stray blaster bolt hits Obi-Wan.
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