Remember
Chapter Six: sorry wrong person
Cody's apartment reminded Davis of a classroom. Orderly stacks of work, color coded post-its between book pages. Everything organized and ready to go.
And then there was the coffee table, littered with empty water bottles, cracker crumbs and a half-drunk cup of coffee. A mound of tissues had piled on the floor beside it, missing the trash-can that Davis still wasn't sure he didn't need. The muffled blare of a Japanese game show droned on the television, the picture blurred and fuzzy.
Davis stared at the screen from his bed on the couch, unable to make out the obstacles that had the audience cringing with each failed attempt of the competitors.
He wasn't sure how long it had been since he could see clearly. Some time before the bar, before he had left Digiworld even. It felt like life had morphed into a perpetual fog, dense and suffocating.
He closed his eyes and draped his arm over his face. "Is it possible for a hangover to last forever?"
"I don't think so," said Cody, who had been typing away at something at his desk for the better part of the day. Working, apparently.
Even with his eyes closed, Davis could feel his head throb. It churned his stomach and twisted his insides. He was sure his lungs were collapsing, clamping down on his heart.
"What if…" He took in a long deep breath and still didn't couldn't get enough air. "What if your life was just one giant hangover?"
"I'd probably quit drinking."
"But what if it never ended no matter what you did?"
"I'd see a doctor."
"What if you hate doctors?"
"Joe's a doctor."
"What if you hate Joe?"
"This conversation went from hypothetical to nonsensical very quickly."
"I feel like I'm dying."
The sound of Cody's computer closing made Davis force out a laugh, trying to make light of his own words, but it came out raw and tight, like the start of something more pathetic.
"When I was dying I couldn't see," he choked out. He took in a long ragged breath and felt a sharp pain in his tear ducts. "I can't see."
"I'm calling Joe."
"But what if I hate him?"
"You don't."
Ken showed up while Cody was still on the phone.
"I think he's having a panic attack," Cody murmured as he opened the door and Davis soon felt the indentation of someone sitting beside him.
"Did you ever refill that prescription?" Ken asked.
With a dramatic groan, Davis flipped to his side so he could bury his face in the back of the couch. "I'm not crazy," he choked out.
"No one said you were."
"Joe says it's safe for him to take 0.5 milligrams," said Cody. "One if he needs more."
"I brought mine," said Ken.
"I'm dying," gasped Davis. "I know what it feels like."
"I know," said Ken. "I'm sorry."
"I hate it when you apologize." Davis curled into a tight ball, back heaving. "Makes me feel worse."
"Come on."
A hand hooked around his elbow, hoisting him up. Davis felt dizzy and nauseous and he wasn't sure if he could take a pill even if he wanted to, worried whatever he put in his mouth would reappear on the floor.
Ken pressed it into his palm and only out of sheer desperation did Davis manage to keep it down.
It took a total of two pills and four game-shows before he felt even remotely like he wasn't on the brink of death. The fog still didn't clear, a glaze of dried tears sticky in his eyes, but he could at least see well enough to make out the girl who racked herself on the spinning pole she was supposed to grab and overshot.
He let out a low snort of laughter.
"Feeling better?" asked Ken from the other side of the couch.
"You're still on my black list," Davis grumbled.
"You went to see Animamon without me."
With a grunt, Davis sunk further into the opposite armrest.
"What did he show you?"
Cheeks flushing at the memory, Davis muttered a very low, "fuck you."
"I'm just—"
"This is his fault. This whole shitshow. I'm not supposed to be like this. We weren't—" He chewed on his lip. It felt like he couldn't breathe all over again. "I don't want your help."
"Okay." Ken stood from his seat on Cody's couch and gave him a long, hard look. "You're going to get through this, Davis."
Davis shot him a patronizing thumbs up.
Cody saw Ken out and the two stood at the door for some time, talking in voices just low enough that Davis couldn't make them out over the television's screaming audience.
After the door shut, Cody took Ken's place on the couch. "You're welcome to stay here as long as you need."
"Thanks." Davis leaned forward, elbows to knees, hands wringing together between them.
"I talked to Yolei a few days ago."
His heart sunk, the medicine keeping it from moving too fast.
"I don't think she wants this."
Davis lifted his eyes to meet Cody's gaze, calm and honest. He gave a dark laugh. "What? Me being pathetic?"
"A divorce."
"No, she definitely said she wanted that."
"Yolei says a lot of things when she's angry."
"No shit? I never knew."
The sarcasm didn't deflect him. Cody stood, grabbing an armful of empty water bottles from the coffee table. "She hasn't filed any paperwork."
"You're not a divorce lawyer."
"I'm technically not a lawyer at all yet," said Cody, "but I work with them. Who do you think she'd ask for a referral?"
Davis stared at him as he continued to clean up after his mess. "That doesn't mean anything, Cody. She just hasn't gotten around to it."
"We both know that when Yolei really wants to do something she won't stop until it's done."
"So, I guess that's supposed to make me feel better?"
Cody dumped the bottles into the recycling bin and rinsed the coffee mug in the sink. "It's supposed to remind you that it isn't over yet."
Davis flopped over, turning the couch into a bed again. "What if it should be?"
"Do you think it should?"
The fog came back with a vengeance, thick and rolling, and his throat went tight all over again. "I think she's happier without me."
Cody put away the freshly washed mug and made his way back to the living room, taking a seat in the wingback chair beside the couch. One leg crossed the other and his hands folded over his lap.
"You look like a shrink," muttered Davis.
Cody unfolded his hands. "I actually considered double majoring in psychology."
Davis snorted. "Then all your clients would be our friends."
"Hopefully that won't be the case when I finish law school." A grin curled up the corner of his mouth.
"You have a dark sense of humor."
"I'm pretty sure you told me I didn't have any sense of humor once. Consider it character development."
Davis let out a genuine laugh. "Cody, you are the best, you know that?"
"Ken and I were the ones who were with Yolei the most after you died," he said, not bothering to break the ice. "She isn't happier without you."
"I don't mean if I'm dead," Davis said darkly. "That's sorta a given, isn't it? I mean, I hope none of you were frickin' somersaulting over it."
Cody frowned. "It was different."
"How? She woulda been a wreck over any of you. And she was sick. Doesn't mean I make her happy. Hell, Ken lost it after I croaked." He paused, chuckling to himself. "Maybe that's a bad example, I'd probably marry him if he asked. Yolei definitely would."
"That right there is part of your problem."
"What?"
Cody shook his head. "She chose you, Davis."
"Because she thinks I died for her," he said. "I mean I guess I did. I wasn't really planning on dying though. That thing was going to crush her. But I would have done the same for any of you. I didn't even think about it. I just did it."
"Because you love her."
"I love all of you." Davis closed his eyes, still unable to see through the fog. "She doesn't think I do though. I remember her saying that before she threw her ring at me. You'd think she'd know better, after everything."
There was a long pause and Davis tried not to dwell on his own words, but bits and pieces of their fights came bubbling to the surface of his memory, each awful word churning in his stomach with the remnants of the alcohol there.
"My father died in the line of duty saving someone," Cody said after some time. "I still remember them, (probably more than I remember my dad). The whole family used to come by with food for us, flowers. Wrote to my mother once a year on the anniversary. And then one year, they just didn't anymore. Lost touch.
"You'd think if someone died for you, that you'd live for that every day, that you'd know what your life cost. But the thing is, the days start flying by again, then the weeks, the months, years. You still have to eat, work, sleep. Sometimes you wake up, go about your day and just…forget. Time makes things mundane."
"Great," Davis groaned.
"If you want to remember, you have to make a conscious decision each day."
Davis laughed, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. "Is this what I'm supposed to tell her? 'Cause that's not gonna go over well."
"I'm telling it to you, Davis."
He met Cody's gaze, saw the way his green eyes had locked on him, expectant. "Wait, I thought we were talking about—"
"Every day," Cody said, voice firm and sure. "You have to decide to live for that every day."
...
It was somewhere between day 3 and 4 that Yolei showed up at Cody's apartment.
After nearly two days of sleeping, Davis had allowed Cody to bring Veemon back from Digiworld. Veemon waved off his partner's apologies and happily accepted a large amount of food from Cody's fridge as reparations.
Davis had managed to make exactly one meal as a thank you for bumming somewhere besides his own lonely apartment before sinking back into Cody's couch, which he was sure was starting to become permanently embedded in his own funk.
Despite Cody's offer, it took too much energy to shower, a choice he only regretted when Yolei was staring at him from the doorway, eyes wide behind her lenses.
"Hiya, Yolei," greeted Veemon, who was happily munching on a snack with Armadillomon at the kitchen counter.
"No," she said.
Davis quickly tried to fix his hair which caused it to grease in a flat clump to his scalp.
"I get Cody." She sounded firm and shrill all at once. "I want that in the papers."
Davis felt his heart sink into his stomach. "Papers?" Panicked, he turned to Cody, who met his glance for a brief second while Yolei continued.
"You can have Cody on Thursdays. And every other Christmas."
Davis sunk back into his couch-bed and threw a blanket over his head.
"That's not something you can legally…" Cody gave a long sigh. "I'm not a dependent."
"I finished recovering those files for you," she said to Cody, like she had just remembered he was there. "Everything's on this thumb drive now, so don't lose it."
"Thank you."
"How long have you been here?" she asked and when Cody didn't respond, Davis knew she was talking to him again.
"I live here now," he mumbled.
"Maybe we should talk outside," Cody said.
"I just…" Yolei trailed off. There was a second of silence before she murmured, "Is he okay?"
The door clicked closed. Davis peeled the blanket off his face and leaned around the couch to see that they had stepped outside into the hall. With more energy than he'd had for days, he scrambled over the back of the couch to the foyer and leaned his ear against the door.
"... having a hard time," Cody was saying.
"Do you think it's been easy for me?" asked Yolei and he could hear the way her voice went tight, the strained airy sound she always made before she started to cry. "I need you too."
"Ken took him to see Animamon."
A short silence followed. A pause of disbelief.
"What?"
"They didn't tell me much," said Cody. "Just something about memories. I'm worried. This isn't like the other times. He's—"
"You've got to be kidding me," said Yolei. "I can't believe he'd—"
Davis felt a tug on his shorts and looked down to see Veemon watching him.
"Cody's right," Veemon said. "I'm worried too."
"Shhhh, I'm tryin to listen."
The door swung open and Davis bolted backward to avoid being hit.
Yolei stood in the frame, her hand still on the knob, suddenly staring at him face to face.
"Don't go back." Water pooled in her eyes and her lashes blinked rapidly beneath her lenses, cheeks filling with angry heat. "Don't you dare go back there."
"I— Ken—" he stammered.
"I don't care why— just don't."
Davis searched her face. Her angry demand was laced with fear, the same kind that sent her writing to him at night, begging him to tell her he was still alive.
"Okay," he said finally.
She watched him for a long moment, her bottom lip curling under her teeth.
He swore he was going to say something else, something good, mature. Like how he wanted her to be happy. Or something awful: how he hoped she wasn't. He swallowed back the mixture of words spilling into his mouth, sure nothing would come out right.
After another minute seemed to pass, she broke the silence.
"Please take a shower."
And then she was gone, disappearing down the hallway before he could think of anything to say.
He just stood there for what felt like an eternity, staring at where she'd been.
"Davis—" Cody began.
"I'm going home," Davis said, running a hand through his greasy hair. He stepped back into the apartment. "C'mon Veemon."
His partner shrunk to his in-training form and hopped in his arms.
"You do need a shower," DemiVeemon said, nose wrinkling.
"Duly noted."
"Want a ride?" asked Cody.
"I'll walk."
"In public?"
Davis gave a long sigh. "Just drop me off in the back."
…
…
Yolei had gone to work the next morning livid. She knew she'd stoked her own fire, dwelling on things she shouldn't, but it sure as hell beat the sick dread that had haunted her during the night.
Memories flooded into nightmares and this time when she sent her message via D-Terminal, Davis didn't answer.
Sometimes she really did hate him.
Why was he allowed to just lie around, moping and getting everyone's sympathy while she had to keep working and pulling herself together every morning even though she'd rather curl into a ball and watch dramas until she'd cried herself to a shriveled prune?
It was his fault she hadn't slept since two in the morning, waiting for his response and using all her willpower not to start texting.
So when her co-workers asked how she was holding up, she lost it. She poured over every awful thing she could think of, every little irritation that built into resentment until she felt so justified that she took up the girl's offer to celebrate her new-found singledom that night.
Which is how she found herself drunk at the karoake bar, singing girl-power anthems at the top of her lungs.
Somewhere between the last song and the next drink, the livid high started to wear off and so did the willpower not to send a text.
Just had the best ramen ever
Sorry wrong person
11:48pm
How hard sit to text me back?
*is it
HOW HARD IS IT
11:55pm
I swear if you say pause…
11:56pm
Know what?
Thus whole pity party thing is messed up. Stop acting like I'm the bad guy because im the one that called it.
Every time we do this you say you'll change but you don't. It's to late to care now.
12:02am
WHT ate you
Hahahajahahaha
*where r u
12:21am
If you went to dworld! _
LMAO XD D WORLD ?
I was trying to be covered
**covert
A world of D
goin down to d town ? XD
12:23am
Dont even.
12:25am
You know what? This is messed up. I actually do care why. What memories?
12:32am
Nvm don't care
12:54am
You suck at soccer
12:59am
I really dont want you to go back there
I hate him
1:12am
David
David
David!11!
DAVIS OMG
1:24am
I'm made my fries look like your head
1:25am
Cute guy bought me a drink
1:26am
What're you ding
1:28am
Cab you at least read my texts please?,?
I just need to jknoe your wok
know your kok
OK
OKOKOKOKOK
1:34am
Please ignite that voicemail
I'm fine
1:42am
im ducking dunk
1:45am
Want your ramen so bag
Hold the noodle LMAO
1:47am
I'm stopping texting just call be
1:49am
I lovecyou so much
1:51am
Hate u rn
1:59am
Sorry im was the worst wide I'm just want being our. Bed cant sleep withot you I'm so turd
Tried
Tit tree
Tied1
Sleepy
2:01am
Your a turd
2:06am
I miss u
2:12am
Her phone died while she was waiting for the bus, without even a read receipt acknowledging her hoard of texts.
Yolei watched as her co-workers departed with their respective rides, holding herself together until they were gone. She sank onto the bench at the bus stop, leaning over her knees, dizzy and exhausted. Without the crowd and noise of the bar, her mind started playing through a million things, each thought blending obscurely into the next.
Crickets chirped through the dwindling city noise and the voices of a couple joining her at the bus stop made her feel even more alone.
The past rose in flashes, sending her for her phone, already forgetting it had run out of battery. She let out an angry curse when the screen stayed black despite her pounding at the power button for nearly a minute.
A bus pulled up, a different district than Momoe's flashing across its front. With an audible huff, Yolei stumbled up the steps, if for nothing else than to get away from the couple sharing her bench.
She had a bone to pick with him anyway.
When she arrived at his apartment she jammed her finger into the doorbell so many times she lost count.
Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.
Her forehead fell on the door.
"Keeennnnn," she hissed, lips pressing against the crack. "Ken, it's me."
She shoved her finger into the bell again, holding it down.
Buzzzzzzzzzzz.
"Keeeee-een."
The door swung open.
Ken stood in front of her, complete with disheveled hair and a pair of pajamas his mom had probably bought him for Christmas.
"Yolei?"
"Hi," she said, suddenly feeling giddy. She staggered past him and deposited her purse on the floor.
He closed the door behind her while she kicked off her heels. "What are you doing—"
She swung around and jammed a finger in his chest. "I gotta pick a bone."
"Are you drunk?"
"Duh. Now lissen." After readjusting her glasses, she smacked him in the shoulder. "You start talking. Right now. You tell me why you're talkin to that creep of a digimon. Right now, Ken."
He took hold of her elbow when she started leaning sideways and led her to his living room.
Yolei collapsed into the sofa, bottom falling between the cushions. Laughter burst from her lips. "Your couch ate me."
Ken just stared at her, his mouth working into a frown.
Yolei leaned her head over the arm of the couch and flung a finger into the air. "Answers, Ichijouji!"
"Water first," he said, disappearing into the kitchen.
She squirmed into the cushions, trying to get comfortable. "I want chocolate." Phone still firmly gripped in her hand, she started hitting the power button again. "And a charger!"
Ken returned with a glass of water and a cookie.
"Up," he said, coaxing her to sit when she reached forward.
Tossing her cell on his coffee table, she managed to sit herself back up, trying to will the room to stay still when it started spinning. He handed her the glass and she took a small sip before proceeding to wipe her mouth on the sleeve of her sweater.
"Being nice does not excuse you," she said before devouring the cookie in one bite.
"What do you want to know?" Ken asked, sitting down beside her and taking the water from her hands when she was done. "Why I've been talking to Animamon or why Davis has?"
She swallowed the cookie. "Both."
"Davis is more simple to answer," he said. "Animamon was showing him memories."
Even though she already knew, embarrassment and fury brought a rush of heat to Yolei's cheeks. Sitting up, she grabbed a throw pillow from the couch and smacked it straight across Ken's face, then proceeded to wail it over his head at least a dozen times.
"How could you?!" she bellowed. "That creepy nasty stupid monster digimon with his nasty stupid claws and his gross creepy eyes and you let him!"
His back hunched under her abuse.
"What memories?!"
Ken grabbed the pillow as it went in for another assault. "I think you already know."
"No!" Yolei snatched the pillow from his grip and slammed it into his shoulder. "You had no right! He has no right. No rights for any of you!" Then, with a frustrated cry she fell back, hugging the pillow to her chest, wishing she hadn't left Poromon at her sister's house while she went to work.
"I understand why you're upset," said Ken. "Davis was too."
"And now he's not?"
"Well, he's not happy about it." He gave a shrug. "But I'm not sure. This last time he went on his own… He's usually easier to read."
"You take me there," Yolei demanded.
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"You're my friend too."
Ken softened. "Of course I am."
"I haven't even seen you since…" Tears welled into her eyes. "I know you love him more."
"I love you both."
Yolei pouted.
"I'm sorry I haven't called." Ken put down the glass of water, half of which had spilled over his lap during the pillow assault. He ran his palms on either side of his face, like he was still trying to wake up. Then he turned to her, eyes searching. "You really want a divorce?"
"I want something." Yolei rubbed her fingers under her glasses, trying to force herself into sobriety.
A long silence hung between them before he started to say her name.
She cut him off. "You just take me there," she said, trying to swallow down the lump forming in her throat. "I'm gonna give that monster piece of mind. Mine. Of my mind! A whole piece of it."
"Not sure he could handle a whole piece."
Yolei shot him a glare and when he gave her his smile, the one that was sad underneath, she turned her body sideways, pulling the pillow beneath her head. Her legs curled until she had turned herself into a ball.
"I can't believe Davis would… Even for you." Her neck craned to find Ken. His hair was even more disheveled from her assault, strays poking from the ponytail he had tucked it into, and his eyes looked more tired than her late night call should have allowed. "Have you heard from him today?"
Ken shook his head. "He's not talking to me right now."
Dread washed over her in a sharp wave. "Why not?"
"The same reason you're picking bones." He smiled wryly.
Yolei took a deep breath, feeling her heart pick up its rhythm. "He won't answer me. I wrote him and he—he always answers me. What if he went back and—What if Animamon did something? What if he—"
"He didn't go back."
"I just, I keep seeing him," Yolei's fingers ripped through her hair, clawing at her scalp. "Do you ever see him… when he…?"
Ken gave her a slow nod and she knew by the dark bags under his eyes that he understood, that he lost sleep over memories too. "Sometimes."
"You're the only one who understands," she said, the tears resurfacing. "I can't sleep anymore. Now that I can't look over and be sure he's not… Oh God, what if you're wrong?" she cried. "I… I have to go!" She scrambled to her feet, hit her shin on the coffee table, and would have fallen smack on her face if Ken hadn't caught her arm.
"It's three in the morning," he said as if that mattered. "The buses aren't running anymore."
"I need to find him," Yolei said, yanking her arm from his grip. She stumbled toward her shoes and missed when she tried to slide her foot into one.
"Yolei, wait."
Frustrated, she grabbed her heels in her hand, determined to go barefoot if she had to, and turned the knob.
"Wait, I'll take you, just let me call him first, okay? He might still be at Cody's."
Her eyes clenched shut and tears sprinkled over her cheeks as she collapsed against the wall, waiting for Ken to grab his phone. "What if something happened? What if he—"
"I'm sure he's fine," Ken said softly. "It's late. He's probably sleeping."
"I can't. He hasn't answered all day. I told him not to go back. What if he's—he's—" Images shot through her mind: blood and bone. The messages and texts unread. "Ken, I can't, I can't breathe."
"Let me try him. Deep long breaths."
She sank to the floor, suddenly unable to stand. "I can't," she gasped.
Ken sat down beside her. He hit a number on his screen and as it rang, he grabbed her hand, put her palm against his chest. "Slow. In and out."
But the feel of his breath only made her remember the way it felt when Davis had gone still beneath her.
…
…
Davis woke up from a very weird dream. Not a nightmare per se, but not good either.
The sick digimon from Primary Village had broken free of their quarantine, their little weary bodies trapped in the bucket of bubbles that he'd been mopping the floor with earlier that day. They'd cried and begged for help and no matter how much his hands dug through the foam, they kept sinking until he was up to his elbows. And then he was sinking in after them, falling impossibly deeper into a soapy abyss.
He could still taste mop water.
Out of habit, he reached for his phone and found over 50 unread text messages, all of them from Yolei.
"Shit."
He read them over, hand slowly sliding from his chin to his forehead the further he went.
When he had finally reached the end, he texted her back.
Where are you?
He gave her exactly one minute to answer his text before he called. Her phone sent him straight to voicemail.
"Hey, you better be okay and charging your phone somewhere." He took a long deep breath, all her texts rolling through his mind. "Just call me back, okay?"
Hanging up, he went scrambling for his D-Terminal which he had thrown in the bottom drawer of his dresser when he decided he was going to stop checking for messages.
He found one there, unanswered from the night before.
FROM: Yolei Inoue-Motomiya
TO: Davis Motomiya
DATE: Yesterday, 2:04 AM
SUBJECT: Worried
I know you're sick of me doing this. I know they're just dreams, but I'm worried about you. Please let me know you're okay
With another curse under his breath, he wrote back.
FROM: Davis Motomiya
TO: Yolei Inoue-Motomiya
DATE: Today, 3:02am
SUBJECT: RE: Worried
Call me.
He woke Veemon up with his pacing.
"What's wrong?"
Davis had his phone in one hand and his D-terminal in the other. "I'm calling Momoe."
Momoe had all but cursed him out for waking up the baby and told him that Yolei wasn't there before hanging up.
Veemon sat patiently on the bed while he went through all the usuals: Mimi, Sora, and finally ended up calling poor pregnant Kari, who claimed she was already awake when he apologized.
"She said she was going out with some co-workers," Kari said groggily. "I think to that karaoke place downtown. I'm sure she's fine."
"Yeah," Davis mumbled. "Okay. It's just, she sent me like a million drunk texts."
"Oh," said Kari. "Were they bad?"
"She called me a turd."
There was a small snort of laughter. "I'm sorry."
"She knows I saw Animamon."
"Oh."
"I don't even know why I went back, I just—" Suddenly exhausted, he ran a hand through his hair and collapsed on his bed where Veemon had started snoozing again. "I'm sorry, it's super late. You're right, I'm sure she's fine."
"I know why you went."
His heart suddenly seemed to go into an arrhythmia, a sick erratic nerve pulsing in his chest, but before he could respond, his phone beeped in his ear. He pulled it away and saw Ken's name flash across his screen.
"Ken's calling, I gotta go."
He didn't wait for Kari's response to switch lines.
"Hey Davis, sorry to call so late," Ken said, sounding exhausted himself.
The arrhythmia sputtered out of control, so sharp that Davis couldn't speak.
"Are you still at Cody's?"
"No."
"Yolei's with me, she's um, well, we were going to come over, but she's not doing too well. Apparently she's been trying to reach you for a while. Can you talk to her?"
Davis swallowed heavily. "Yeah, sure."
The phone switched to speaker. "He's okay," Ken was saying. "Here, he's on the phone."
"Um… hi?" Davis said.
A low whine preceded a sob.
"Hey, it's okay, I'm fine. My phone was on silent. And… I just didn't…" he stuttered, not really wanting to explain his lack of response to her D-terminal message. "I'm okay. Yolei?"
She let out an even louder sob.
"Geez, how much did you drink?"
She kept crying, drunk and sloppy, and it brought back a round of memories that made his heart clench.
"Do you want me to come over?"
A hiccup and more sobbing.
"She's, uh, nodding her head," said Ken.
"Okay, I'm leaving now. Let me just put on some pants."
Laughter broke through the sobbing on the other end.
"Unless you'd rather have me show up in my underwear," he said, trying to make his voice light and teasing.
The laughter turned back into tears, possibly even worse than before.
"You can put on the pants," Ken said grimly.
"Just make her drink water or something," Davis said, holding his phone between his shoulder and ear while he dug for a pair of pants from his drawer.
"Drive careful," said Ken.
"Yeah. You too."
Davis swore he could hear Ken rolling his eyes.
"Be there in twenty," he said. He hung up, not sure he could stomach more of Yolei's crying without being there.
When he arrived at Ken's apartment, he almost turned around at the door. He could hear quiet voices inside, calm, content, and the panicked tears from the phone call started to feel like a dream. But his finger had already fallen on the doorbell and Ken's voice was calling from inside:
"It's unlocked."
Davis found them on the couch.
Yolei was sitting with her knees to her chest, her dress hiked unlady-like around her thighs as she nursed a cup of tea. Her long lilac hair flowed loose over her shoulders, pieces caught in her dark-rimmed glasses which hid her eyes from view.
Davis closed the door behind him.
She put her cup of tea on the coffee table and hid her face in her knees, hugging them closer.
Ken was already standing, leaving a space beside her and greeting Davis at the door.
"I'm going to go try to sleep," he said. He put a hand on Davis's shoulder. "Thanks for coming."
Davis stared at him for a good minute, shoving down a million treacherous thoughts, before he nodded wordlessly.
"You need anything else?" Ken asked Yolei.
She shook her head, face still hidden in her knees.
"Okay, um, if you guys need anything, just help yourselves," Ken said before locking himself into his room.
Davis stood frozen in the foyer for another solid minute before he gained enough sense to kick off his sneakers. "Um, so, I got your texts."
A laugh, half sob, came out of Yolei's knees.
He made his way into the living room and slowly took a seat on the couch beside her. "I put on pants."
"Thank God," she mumbled.
"So…" A familiar tension balled up in his chest. "You came to Ken's, huh?"
A groan preceded words. "You've got to be kidding me."
Davis folded his legs under him, grabbing his ankles. "What? I mean, you know where I live."
Yolei finally looked up from her knees. "Why are you like this?"
He frowned. "Like what?"
"So insecure. All the time."
"I'm totally secure," Davis scoffed.
"Stop being jealous."
"I thought that's what you were going for," he said, the tension kindling a spark. His jaw clenched. "You know, with that cute guy buying you drinks and all. "
Yolei glared at him and the little hope he had felt by the end of her texts immediately started to sink away.
"So, I'm still alive," he muttered. "Can I go?"
"No. Why won't you answer me anymore?" she asked and her voice went so small that the fire that had lit up inside him immediately fizzled away.
He shrugged, not daring to look at her anymore. "I dunno. I mean, you're gonna have to get used to it sometime. Doubt that cute guy is gonna like you emailing your ex every night."
"That's not fair."
"Why not? It's over, right?"
"Davis…"
He rubbed his face. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine."
"I'm not."
He looked at her then, found her red-rimmed eyes beneath the layer of glass, looking at him.
"I miss you," she whispered.
He shook his head, ripping his gaze away. "You're drunk."
She stomped her bare foot over his sock.
"Ow!"
"You're not listening to me," she cried. "I need you to listen! I need you to tell me you're okay!"
"No you don't!" Davis snapped, jumping to his feet. "You don't need me! You just need somebody!"
Her eyes instantly filled with fresh tears. "That's not true."
"Yes, it is. What about in college? When we broke up? You went out with whatshisname like right away."
"For two weeks!" Yolei cried, wiping her eyes. "That was almost six years ago."
"Just do that again!" Even as he said it the tension returned, the uncomfortable clench of his heart when he imagined her with someone else. "You didn't seem to have any problem with me not answering you then!"
"And you didn't have any problem hooking up with that girl either!"
"We made out! At a party! Once! There was no hooking!"
"Well I didn't hook either!"
"Great!"
"Good!"
A long moment passed while they just stared at each other. Davis ran his hands through his hair, tugging at the roots.
"Haven't we already had this argument?" Yolei asked, collapsing back onto the couch, fingers rubbing her glasses free. They clattered on the floor.
Davis took a long deep breath and his hands fell from his hair. He sunk to the floor, leaning his back against the couch and grabbed her glasses from the rug. "Yeah, probably," he muttered.
"I'm sorry I made Ken call you," she said. "I just… I get so scared." She let out a pathetic sound. "I don't know what to do without you."
"You'll figure it out," he said roughly, voice catching in his throat.
"I don't want to."
He turned his head to face her, found her alcohol flushed cheeks and watery eyes staring at the ceiling even though he knew she couldn't see more than a couple inches in front of her face. Her eyes slipped closed and her hand wandered to the back of his head, fingers running affectionately through his hair.
"You have the best ramen," she said softly.
"But I suck at soccer."
She laughed.
"You say weird things when you're drunk," he grumbled.
"Come here." And then she was tugging on his shirt collar. When he only turned toward her, she murmured, "Come up here."
"Not sleeping with you on Ken's couch."
"We did worse in college," she mumbled, hands grasping behind his shoulder blades, pulling him close.
"Please don't remind me of that right now," he said, but he was already climbing over her, her dress hiking to her waist as her thighs wrapped around him.
Her fingers ran up his back and through his hair again, forcing his cheek to rest against her chest. He could hear her heart, feel it beat against his skin. His fist unclenched around her glasses, offering them to her.
She shook her head, eyes slipping closed. "Don't need them."
Davis put them on the coffee table. He squeezed his arms between her and the cushions, palms pressing into her spine, her back arching to make room. Her chest rose and fell under his cheek and then her thighs went tight around his waist, legs pulling him up while she scrunched herself down until her mouth could touch his neck, hers soft and drenched in liquor.
He pulled back, supporting himself on his elbows, and kissed her jaw when she let out a hum of protest. Her mouth followed him, a trace of teeth on his bottom lip, her fingertips on his neck, pulling him in.
He tried not to get lost in the moment, to take the time to purposefully capture the way she felt to memory, bodies aligned, the smell of perfume on her collarbone, the way her lips fit between his, the whole time wondering if it would be the last time.
Her hips rolled upwards and he let a low curse roll into her mouth, some weak attempt not to make a sound.
Her eyes fluttered open under heavy lids, bits of gold reflecting in the low lamp light, taking him in.
It made Davis think of the first time, the memory that left him crying against a tree trunk, drunk in a bar alone, and he wanted to tell her:
I still love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
But her eyes had slipped closed again, the next kiss slow and sleepy, her body relaxing back into the cushion, leaving a wedge of space between them. Her hands fell gently against his back, breaths running deep and even, thighs loosening their hold.
He pulled his mouth away, pressed it beneath her ear.
"I want you to be happy."