A/N:

Big thank you to my impassioned pre-readers (who make me laugh constantly with their commentary and rants) and Fran for beta'ing ❤️

x

9

Veritas

o-O-o

"You passed," Dr. April Summers said calmly, her crystal blue eyes glinting. Her gray hair was tied up in a bun on her head, a tendril hanging by the deep crease between her eyes.

Edward let out a relieved sigh, smiling at his professor. "Thank god."

She didn't return it, and Edward's smile fell. "Mr. Cullen, you passed, but barely. I'm struggling to understand why your grades are dropping like this; your transcript was excellent, you excelled in pre-med; what's going on?"

Edward swallowed, his jaw tightening. "I'm sorry Dr. Summers." He knew that admitting he was struggling with the content and that he needed help was the right thing to do, but he was too fucking proud, too fucking embarrassed at failing something he'd been born to do.

She searched his eyes, giving him a disappointed look, and Edward's chest twisted. "All right, well…your superiors at the hospital are pleased with your progress, so if you can get your grades up here, you won't have any problems."

"Thank you," Edward's voice was a little hoarse.

She nodded dismissively, and he left her office, managing to hold himself together until he reached the men's toilets. He flung the heavy door open and gripped his hair, spitting out a "fuck."

Edward placed his hands on the sink and stared at his reflection, his jaw tight, green eyes blazing. He was fucking this up so badly; what the hell was wrong with him? He'd stopped partying, stopped drinking, tried to spend his free time in the library, but things with Bella had fucked up his head, and that wasn't her fucking fault; it was his; it was always his.

Edward splashed some water on his face, breathing out slowly. It was fucking torture, having to be around her, knowing she didn't want him, knowing he wasn't good enough for her.

Being in the same room as her, being near her, was electrifying—every nerve ending fraying, his heart fucking pounding in his chest. His chest ached as he recalled the way she'd clung to him a few days before, sobbing into him, clutching him like she still needed him. God, that had fucking hurt, seeing her cry. Edward hated seeing her like that, and he'd tried so hard to comfort her, but as soon as her tears stopped, she ran from him again.

He took a piss and then left the toilets. He hadn't slept, he'd been too stressed about getting the exam results. Now he had a piece of coursework to do, so he had to go to the library, then in the evening, he was in the hospital for his first night shift. His chest panged. Bella was going to be there, and he was going to have to be with her all-fucking night.

Edward scanned into the library and smiled when he saw Naomi, Ash, and Evie. They all sat at one of the round tables and waved him over.

"Did you pass?" Evie asked, looking nervous for him.

Edward nodded and winked at her. "Of course, I did."

Evie blinked her big brown eyes, her cheeks flushing, and Edward swore in his head. He needed to stop being so fucking flirty; he knew Evie liked him.

Ash smirked, running a hand through his short platinum hair. "I hear something happened between you and that fuck-hot nurse."

Edward fought to keep his expression clear, shrugging. "She was upset; we just talked."

Bella hadn't told anyone at the hospital except Annabelle about their past, that he could tell, and Edward wasn't going to go against that.

"You gonna hit that?" Ash asked, rolling his eyes when Evie scoffed at him.

"Nah," Edward said, taking out his books. "She's got a boyfriend anyway."

"Damn, she's fucking gorgeous," Ash groaned quietly.

Edward fought to control the turbulent anger that erupted in his stomach. Yeah, she was fucking gorgeous and fucking his. His jaw clenched so hard it hurt. No, she wasn't his. She'd never be his again; he'd fucked that up forever.

"Yeah," he muttered, trying to focus as Evie started explaining osmoregulation.

o~O~o

"Fuck." Naomi groaned, resting her head on Edward's shoulder. They were leaning against the wall in one of the hospital hallways, trying to wake themselves up with coffee.

"I know, I'm so fucking tired," Edward muttered, rubbing his face.

"I promised Jane I'd take her out to lunch tomorrow," Naomi whined. "How the fuck am I going to do that when I've had two hours sleep? She's going to break up with me."

Edward laughed, "Nah, she'll be sweet; just take her out for dinner instead."

Naomi turned to him and frowned, rubbing at his under-eye. "You look so fucking tired Ed, are you sure nothing is going on with you?"

He shook his head, smiling at her, "I'm fine, Nai, honestly, but thanks for saying I look like shit."

Naomi laughed and patted his cheek, "You know you're always handsome."

Edward winked at her and then snapped his head to the right when he heard a gasp.

Bella was standing in the hallway in front of them, her beautiful blue eyes fixed on him and Naomi, swimming with hurt.

He quickly stepped back from Naomi, "Bel…"

She spun around and stormed off, and he groaned. "Be right back, Nai."

He had to jog a little to catch up to Bella, and he followed her straight into an on-call room, shutting the door behind him.

Bella spun around to face him, and he was alarmed to find tears in her eyes.

"Bella," he started to say softly.

"Can you just go," Bella said brokenly, "I'm sure your new fucking piece of ass will be wondering where you are."

Edward arched an eyebrow at her. "Naomi? You think I'm fucking Naomi?"

"I don't care what you do," Bella hissed.

Edward sighed wearily, running a hand down his face. "Bella…I can't keep fucking doing this with you. You said you didn't want me."

"I said I loved you," Bella snapped, tears running down her cheeks.

"You said you hated me," Edward snapped back. "And I fucking deserve it."

Bella's mouth dropped open, and Edward fought to restrain his anger. It wasn't at her; it was at himself.

"Look, Naomi and I are just friends," Edward sighed. "She's also a lesbian, but that really doesn't make a fucking difference, Bella, because I've fucking told you I don't want anyone but you."

"What about in all the years we were apart?" Bella said sharply. "You're telling me you haven't been with anyone else."

Edward searched her big blue eyes, his heart pounding in his chest, "I've been with other people, of course, I fucking have Bella, I fucked my way through half the girls in fucking college, trying to convince myself that I didn't fucking love you, that I could exist without you, but nothing worked."

Bella's lip trembled, "I hate you."

Edward stepped towards her, unable to help himself as he cupped her warm cheeks. Bella gasped, but she didn't pull away from him, that knowledge lighting a fire in his chest, making his heart fucking clench. He gently kissed away her tears, the salt tanging on his tongue. "I haven't been with anyone in two years," he murmured, one of his hands resting at the back of her neck, "I just…couldn't. I'd rather be fucking alone than pretend I could love someone else."

Her whole body froze and trembled, her breath catching. "You…I don't believe you."

Edward pulled back, staring into her eyes, that bottomless, beautiful blue, his chest aching. "Then don't, I can't make you, I don't fucking deserve you, I shouldn't even…fuck."

Bella searched his eyes, "You haven't slept with anyone in two years, seriously?"

Edward nodded, swallowing.

A glint appeared in her blue eyes. "But you're…so…how did you…"

Edward bit his bottom lip, "I'm so what?"

Bella gulped, "I mean, when we were together, it was…a lot, and you were…was that just because you were young?"

He frowned at her before his eyes widened, "Are you asking me about how horny I am?" he snickered.

Bella's cheeks flushed, "I just…it must be hard."

Edward couldn't fucking help himself; he lowered his mouth to her ear, his voice low. "It is hard, baby, but only when I'm around you or thinking about you."

Bella was silent, holding her breath for a moment before rough pants fell from her lips. "You think about me? When you…"

Her voice was all thick and fucking breathy, and Edward was hard as fucking steel.

His mouth grazed the shell of her ear, hands still on her soft face, their bodies a few centimeters apart, so close and yet impossibly far. He wanted to fucking touch her, to kiss her, but he couldn't–wouldn't do that to her again.

"Always," he murmured in her ear, his voice gritty. "Do you think about me, baby, when you're on your own?"

Bella gulped, "I…do."

Edward wasn't thinking clearly; he didn't know why he said it, but as soon as he did, he regretted it. "And when he fucks you, do you think about me?"

Bella gasped, and Edward squeezed his eyes shut, letting go of her face and stepping back from her.

"Y-yes," Bella said quietly.

Edward's eyes flung open. She was standing there, eyes closed, chest rising and falling quickly, pink, pouty lips parted.

Jesus fucking Christ.

"Bella," he groaned, "you do?"

Her eyes opened too, and the hunger in them floored him, made him fucking breathless, sent a jolt of electricity to his cock that made him feel like it was going to fucking explode.

"When you look at me like that, it drives me fucking crazy," he muttered, licking his bottom lip. Bella let out a quiet moan, and Edward's eyes almost rolled back into his head. She stepped into him, her petite body pressing against his, making his cock throb.

He fought so hard not to touch her, and he was glad he held back when her eyes suddenly filled with anger, that deep blue flashing at him. "I hate that I want you. I fucking hate it," she growled. "I hate you."

Edward swallowed, "I know, I'm sorry."

Bella's lips grazed his, and he inhaled sharply; they were so fucking soft and warm.

"Kiss me," she said breathily.

He closed his eyes tightly. God fucking damn, he wanted to, he wanted to more than anything, but he couldn't; he wouldn't do that to her. If she wanted him, she could kiss him, but he wouldn't be the one to hurt her this time.

"No," he said, stepping back from her.

Bella's mouth dropped, and her eyes flashed with hurt, "You don't want me?"

Edward had to laugh, "Bella…does it look like I don't fucking want you?"

Her eyes slid down his body and then stopped at his crotch, where his cock was pressing against the material, impossibly fucking hard.

Her teeth sunk into her fleshy bottom lip, and Edward bit back a growl. "Please don't look at me like that; I'm trying to be good."

Bella's eyes snapped up to his, "Why?"

"Because I love you." Edward said softly, "and you deserve so much better than me. I just want you to be happy, Bella. If you want me, then I'm yours, but I won't move on you first, I won't kiss you, I won't try to fuck you. I know you can't fight your attraction to me; that what we have is fucking…intoxicating. I don't want to tempt you, to hurt you. He's the better guy; I understand that now."

Bella stared at him, wide-eyed, and he swallowed, unable to help himself from glancing down her body, her nipples pressing through her pale blue scrubs. God, she looked fucking hot in them. He wanted to rip them off her.

Edward cleared his throat, "I really have to go...I can't be alone with you like this and not want…my control has limits, baby."

"Okay," Bella said quietly.

Edward gave her a smile and her lips curved up a little in response. It was small, but it was enough to make his heart feel like it was going to fucking burst.

He left the room.

Hope you're all having a good week, and if you're not, sending you a big hug!

See you next Thursday, or if you're following Wicked Games - Monday ❤️