TW: That's what you say.
Gallifrey 22.3: Thank you.
The TARDIS appears to materialize on the moon and The Doctor steps out with Clara, Angie and Artie. The Doctor explains this is Hedgewick's world, the greatest amusement park in the universe. The children are unimpressed, complaining that it's a moon base when a man wearing a hat steps out, asking if they are his lift off planet. Clara says they're not and he reveals he's been waiting for six months.
"Well this is odd," Jack said raising an eyebrow at this.
"Doesn't seem like an amusement park," Donna noted.
"It is. I've been there a few times, but something's not right," Jack said, unable to ignore the pit of dread that had formed in his stomach.
"So business as usual then," Martha said dryly.
Men and woman in uniform then run out, aiming their weapons at the group as the man rushes back inside. A woman who seems to be the leader informs The Doctor the park has been closed by Imperial Order. The Doctor uses his psychic paper to pass himself off as a proconsul and the woman asks if there's been news of the Emperor, saying they pray for his return. The soldiers then head off.
"Odd for the Imperial Empire to be involved in this," Jack said, becoming even more confused by what was going on.
"You know of it then?" Wilf inquired and Jack nodded.
"Few haven't where I'm from. The Imperial Empire is made up of several galaxies and its job is to protect humanity throughout the galaxy," Jack explained.
"Well they've done a bang up job of that," Donna said sarcastically.
"Never said they were very good at it," Jack shrugged, wondering what the empire was doing all the way out there.
The man in the hat steps out making sure the soldiers are gone before leading them inside. Artie and Angie look around at the park as the man reveals it's closed down.
"Looks like it would have been fun for a kid," Mickey noted.
"Wonder why it closed down?" Donna wondered.
"Knowing these, I think we'll find out soon enough," Martha noted.
The man then leads them inside, showing them his collection of various wax figures, introducing himself as Impresario Webley. He asks if anyone wants to play chess and although The Doctor volunteers, he picks Artie. Webley leads the group over to a covered chessboard, explaining the enemy was defeated 1,000 years ago but has now returned. He removes the tarp to reveal a Cyberman.
"Oi!" Donna exclaimed as the past viewers started.
"Cybermen," Mickey growled hatefully.
"What is one doing there?" Wilf asked horrified.
"Not sure, but doesn't really seem like it's a threat," Martha noted and Jane grimaced.
"You know what they say about appearances," Jane said softly.
Jack shot her a look, a sense of unease filling him. In his experience, whenever Cybermen showed up, it ended with death and mayhem. And Jane's comment didn't fill him with hope this time would be any different.
The Doctor shouts at everyone to get down but Webley assures him it's not living and only plays chess. Suspiciously, The Doctor scans it with his screwdriver as Webley explains it's an empty shell. Some machinery on one of the wax figures blinks as someone seems to watch the group.
"You all saw that right?" Mickey asked as the past viewers stared at the screen uneasily.
"Yeah. Someone's watching them," Jack said as he narrowed his eyes.
"Lovely," Martha said sarcastically, wondering who it could be.
Webley offers five imperial shillings if they can beat the Cyberman at chess for the price of a penny. Artie offers his sandwich as payment and Webley accepts. Webley shows the Cyberman is free of all devices but has never been beaten. Artie and the Cyberman play but Artie is defeated within a few moves.
"One of the most dangerous threats to the galaxy, refused to playing a game against a child," Jack said amused. "If the Cybermen could see this now."
Jane fought the grimace that threatened to cross her face. Oh Jack, you had no idea.
Webley offers to give them a silver penny if they can figure out how he's controlling the Cyberman. Angie suggests mirrors and The Doctor is easily able to figure out the Cyberman is a puppet, opening a box to reveal a small man inside.
"Nice," Mickey whistled, impressed.
"His test might be trouble for children and teenagers, but Dad's a little passed that," Jane shrugged.
"Clearly," Jack said absently, his mind still on the Cybermen.
The man gets out, introducing himself as Porridge as Webley honors the deal and gives Angie an Imperial penny. None of them notice several electronic inspects on the wall.
"Cybernetic insects," Donna noted uneasily.
"With Cybermen on the planet. I'm sure that's not a coincidence or anything," Mickey said sarcastically as tension filled the room.
"Either way, I have a bad feeling about this," Martha muttered.
Webley shows the group a display of a depowered Cyberman, revealing he has two more in his possession. Seeing a figure of a man in Imperial garb, Angie asks if that's the Emperor. Porridge introduces him as Ludins Nimrod Kendrick the 41st, defender of humanity and Imperator of known space. Angie makes a comment about him and Porridge warns her that saying things like that will have you on the run for the rest of your life. Artie notes they don't sound nice and Porridge makes an uncomfortable face.
"Does anyone else notice that the statue looks a lot like Porridge?" Donna asked as she looked at the screen oddly.
"Nah, it couldn't be," Martha said, although there was a little doubt as they all took a good look at Porridge.
"Spoilers," Jane said with a grin.
"That's as good as saying yes," Mickey said in disbelief and she shrugged.
"Guess the only question is what's the Imperial Emperor doing at a shutdown amusement park," Jack mused, wondering what exactly Porridge was up to.
They head outside; where the kids enjoy the zero gravity ride the Spacey Zoomer. As it ends, The Doctor scans the insects and Clara says it's time to get the kids home. But The Doctor says he's not ready to leave, pointing to the insects, to Clara's confusion.
"Trust that instinct Boss," Mickey muttered, all of them worried about those insects.
They head back inside and the kids lie down on the couches, complaining about staying. The Doctor tells them to take a nap and promises to wake them when it's time to leave. Porridge turns off the lights and he and Clara head out of the room. The Doctor turns on his screwdriver, frightening them as he says not to wander off. "And I'm not just saying don't wonder off, I mean it, otherwise, you'll wander off. And the next thing you know, somebody's going to have to start rescuing somebody."
"Boss, now you're just scaring them," Mickey said in exasperation.
"Seriously Spaceman, haven't you learned anything by now," Donna groaned.
"He's distracted. Plus I've always thought being charmed by the Sirens made him a little m =ore impulsive, a little less smart," Jane shrugged.
"That…actually explains a lot," Martha said after a moment of thought.
The Doctor refuses to elaborate before heading out of the room. Elsewhere, Webley sets up the chessboard with the Cyberman, muttering to himself when the Cyberman suddenly grabs his hands. Webley tries to wrestle his hands back before the insects crawl out of the Cyberman and onto him. "Upgrade in progress," it says as Webley twitches before screaming.
"So much for not being a threat," Mickey said darkly as the past viewers stared.
"Webley," Wilf said horrified.
"And I have a feeling he'll only be the first casualty here," Jack said grimly. "Cybermen never stop at just one."
Annoyed that there's no cell service, Angie announces she's leaving. Artie tries to convince her not to, neither noticing the insects crawling over Clara's phone as Angie storms off. Outside, Porridge is explaining to Clara the planet was bought after being trashed in the Cyber Wars, explaining about the Cybermen. Porridge then points to a black spot in the sky, explaining it was once the Tiberan Spiral Galaxy, which is now gone.
"Blimey," Mickey said as the past viewers stared horrified.
"Sadly the cost of war," Jack said with a heavy sigh. "Sometimes, extreme measures can only be met with extreme measures."
"It doesn't mean we have to like it," Donna said and Jack smiled tightly.
"No, it doesn't," Jack agreed.
Porridge explains he feels like a monster, as rather than feeling sorry for all the people who died, he feels sorry for the bloke who had to blow it up. A few feet away, The Doctor asks if Clara told Angie she could go to the barracks. Clara says she didn't before realizing Angie went in there and runs off. In the barracks, the captain is perplexed by the fact that all their systems have either been destroyed or are malfunctioning.
"The Cybermen are making their move. It's a classic tactic, take out the enemy equipment before striking," Mickey said uneasily as tension filled the room.
"Bloody brilliant," Donna muttered.
Angie enters the barracks, announcing she's bored and snaps that Clara is not her sister. When she mentions Porridge, the captain pulls her aside, saying they need to talk.
"Bloody Hell, Angie is a brat," Mickey said annoyed.
"I know we're all kind of brats at that age, but blimey," Donna said angrily.
"If Matthew ever becomes like that, we have to do something," Martha told Mickey, who nodded in agreement.
"Anyone else notice the Captain seems to know something about Porridge?" Jack inquired.
"Yeah, I picked up on that to," Donna agreed, wondering what that was about.
Artie, frightened by all the wax figures, gets up and turns the lights back on. He turns around before he's grabbed from behind by a Cyberman.
"Artie," Wilf said, worried for the boy.
No one else said a word as they watched tense. They were all of them parents, so to see a child taken by the Cybermen had them all beyond worried. And once more, Jack's thoughts strayed to Steven.
Angie is telling the captain about Porridge when The Doctor and Clara enter the barracks. Angie begins snapping at Clara when they hear a loud noise and everyone turns to see a Cybermen walking inside.
"And here we go," Mickey muttered as they watched, no else saying a word, completely absorbed in what was happening.
The soldiers begin firing at the Cybermen but this has no affect. The Doctor pulls out his screwdriver as the Cyberman speeds in, punching one of the soldiers before moving at super speed, walking passed all the soldiers, grabbing Angie and speeding out of the room.
"My God," Wilf said as they all watched horrified.
"So now the Cybermen are the bloody roadrunner!?" Donna exclaimed horrified.
"Apparently," Martha said weakly.
"First Artie, now Angie. Why do they want children?" Jack wondered as he narrowed his eyes.
"Who bloody cares? Someone just get them away from the Cybermen," Mickey snapped worriedly.
Clara tries to go after Angie but The Doctor stops her. The Doctor promises he will get Angie back before walking over to the captain, who reveals they're a punishment platoon, sent here in order to stay out of trouble. The Doctor uses his authority as Consul to transfer leadership of the platoon over to Clara, telling her to stay alive and not let anyone blow up the planet. He begins walking off, telling her to get somewhere defensible while he gets Angie, finds Artie and looks for 'funny insects'. He orders the platoon not to blow up the planet before heading out.
"Blow up the planet?!" Donna exclaimed as the past viewers except Jack stared at the screen horrified.
"It's standard procedure when dealing with the Cybermen in the Empire. After the Cyberwar, can you blame them?" Jack pointed out.
"Guess not. Still, pretty excessive," Martha muttered.
"Like Jack said, extreme measures," Jane said with a heavy sigh.
The Cyberman takes Angie to Webley, whose face is now half cyber, and Artie who has a Cyber implant. Artie tells her she will be upgraded and Angie screams.
"What have they done to him?" Wilf asked as the past viewers stared horrified.
"No idea. Never seen a Cybermen do this," Mickey admitted.
"It'll make sense later," Jane said with a grimace.
In the barracks, the captain informs Clara they've pulled some weapons out of storage and tells her of the best defensive locations on the planet and Clara decides on Natty Longshoe's comical castle. The captain suggests blowing up the planet but Clara firmly shoots that down. Porridge walks up to them and notes Clara is now her commanding officer. The captain agrees, addressing Porridge as 'sir'.
"She knows who Porridge really is," Jack realized and Jane nodded.
"Yeah, she's met him before," Jane explained.
"Well this might complicate things," Martha muttered, not trusting the Captain.
"You have no idea," Jane said with a grimace.
Clara walks up and Porridge asks if they really saw a Cyberman. The captain confirms this and informs Porridge they can't report it to the imperials because communications are down, so Porridge says they need to go spend the night at the castle.
"As good a plan as any when dealing with Cybermen," Mickey muttered, hoping they could fight them off long enough for The Doctor to figure a way out of this.
The Doctor arrives at Webley's; looking for Artie but only finds one of the bugs. He tells whoever is watching he is coming for Artie and Angie before talking to the insect, calling it beautiful but using his screwdriver to wipe it. The Doctor picks it up, calling it a Cybermite. Seeing the Cyberman is gone from the chessboard, The Doctor realizes the Cybermite has a transmit frequency linking back to its home. Using it, The Doctor teleports himself to the room where Angie and Artie are being held. The Doctor rushes over, scanning them and sees both have Cyber Implants.
"Well he's found them. Now he just needs to figure out how to get those implants out," Martha worried.
"Think that'll be easier said than done," Donna muttered, as worried as Martha.
"If anyone can do it, it's him," Mickey said confidently.
Webley then steps into view, explaining the Cybermen needed children, which The Doctor had brought them. "Hail to you, The Doctor! Savior of the Cybermen!"
"Prepare to eat those words," Mickey said, glaring at the screen.
The others were silent, too tense and watching nervously to respond.
As the soldiers head up to the castle with Clara and Porridge, where the captain explains to Clara blowing up the planet would include blowing all of them up with it.
"So let's not do that," Donna said.
"I get the feeling The Captain would rather do that," Jack noted.
"She's not the most reasonable, let's put it that way," Jane said with a sigh.
"Brilliant," Martha said sarcastically.
One of the soldiers suggests hunting the creature. "The only reason I'm still alive is because I do what The Doctor says. Can you guarantee me you'd bring back my children alive and unharmed?" Clara asks and he shakes his head. "I trust The Doctor." The captain asks if The Doctor knows what he's doing and Clara says she wouldn't go that far before heading into the castle.
"Usually a fifty/fifty anyway," Jack said with a shrug.
"Let's just hope he knows what he's doing now. The lives of two children depend on it," Wilf said worriedly.
Webley explains to The Doctor that the Cyber Planet built a Valkyrie to save wounded Cybermen and bring them here for repairs. The Doctor realizes the people who vanished were spare parts and Webley says they've upgraded themselves and the next model will be undefeatable, which The Doctor scoffs at. Webley explains the brain of a child was needed to create a Cyber Planner. But they no longer need the children, as The Doctor's brain was scanned by the Cybermites. The Doctor points out his brain is useless to the Cybermen, as he's not human. But Webley reveals they've been upgraded and can now use any living components. Webley then ejects some Cybermites onto The Doctor, who can only groan and thrash before he lifts his head, one side of his face now covered with cyber implants.
"My God," Wilf said as they all stared at the screen horrified.
"A Cybermen with the brain of a Time Lord. Not even God can save them now," Jack said softly, not seeing how they can get out of this alive now.
"No, just a Doctor," Jane said with a smile.
"How can you joke at a time like this?" Mickey asked in disbelief.
"Because it's not over yet. Just keep watching," Jane told them.
The Cyber Planner takes stock of The Doctor's body before the implants spark and The Doctor orders him out of his head. Inside The Doctor's mind, The Doctor and Cyber Planner face off. The Cyber Planner, able to hear The Doctor's thoughts, wonders why he's thinking about Clara so much. But The Doctor is able to keep the Cyber Planner out of his mind. The Doctor and Cyber Planner fight for control, both inside and outside, The Doctor realizing the Cyber Planner is getting a signal from every Cyber Man in the universe.
"He can summon every Cybermen left to the planet," Jack realized as the past viewers all filled with dread.
"My God. It would be the end of everything," Wilf said horrified.
"The Spaceman is fighting back though. Maybe he can find a way to stop the Cyber Planner," Donna noted.
"Well if anyone can beat an enemy trying to control their own body, it would be The Doctor," Martha noted.
"Come on Boss, you can do it," Mickey said softly as the past viewers watched the screen uneasily.
Giddy with excitement over the knowledge The Doctor's brain can give him, the Cyber Planner renames himself Mr. Clever. Mr. Clever realizes there's information on the Time Lords in The Doctor's mind. But The Doctor reveals he's only allowing him access to this information, threatening to regenerate and take out all the Cyber Implants.
"He can trigger Regeneration willingly?" Jack asked, the past viewers surprised by this.
"Maybe. I really don't know, it might have just been a bluff to make Mr. Clever more cooperative. I don't think we'll ever really know for sure," Jane said with a shrug.
"Boss and his secrets," Mickey said annoyed.
Mr. Clever notes they're at a stalemate. They both control over 49% of The Doctor's brain; the remaining percent is still up for grabs. The two agree to a game of chess to determine the control of The Doctor's brain: if Mr. Clever wins, the Cyberaid get all of The Doctor's memories. If The Doctor wins, Mr. Clever must leave The Doctor's body, Angie and Artie will be released, and nobody dies.
"So it all comes down to a chess match," Martha said in disbelief.
"Well, you said he could probably beat himself at chess. You're about to find out if you're right," Jane noted as the past viewers stared at the screen intently, waiting to see what would happen next.
At the power station, a soldier named Missy is doing a sweep when she hears a bang. She fearfully alerts another soldier over the radio, asking to hide. A Cyberman walks over and Missy takes aim at it. As it approaches, Missy runs, hiding behind a board. The Cyberman walks passed and Missy breathes a sigh of relief. But this alerts The Cyberman to her presence and it ejects its hands. Missy screams as she sees the hand before it jumps onto her face.
Wilf and Donna jumped as the other viewers watched with a grimace. No matter how many times they saw someone die in these, it never got less unpleasant to watch. Especially when it was all so senseless.
At the castle, Clara is alerted about Missy and Clara notes the Cybermen are on their way. She demands to be shown the weapons and sees they have only one gun due to Cybermen allegedly being extinct for 1,000 years. As Clara is shown the rest of the weapons, she sees the trigger for the bomb to blow up the planet. She takes the activation and is informed the captain has the voice activation needed. Clara orders her not to activate it without her okay. Clara and the captain have a standoff before Clara signs for the trigger. Porridge takes one of the pulsars and he and the captain head upstairs so she can teach him how to use it.
"The Captain's gonna try to activate the bomb, isn't she?" Mickey realized with horror.
"She seems stubborn and stupid, so chances are high," Jack noted as they all watched uneasily.
"So why doesn't the Space Siren try to charm her?" Wilf wondered.
"Their abilities usually only work on men. It would be useless," Jane explained with a sigh. "Although it probably be useful in this situation."
The Doctor sets up the chessboard as Mr. Clever wonders why there's no record of The Doctor. Searching his mind, Mr. Clever realizes The Doctor has deleted himself from historical databanks. In The Doctor's mind, Mr. Clever says The Doctor can't win. The Doctor calmly says the Cyber system can be scrambled by exposure to gold or cleaning fluid. Mr. Clever is unimpressed until The Doctor places the golden ticket he got for the park on the Cyber Implants. With Mr. Clever scrambled, The Doctor begins gathering up the chessboard, telling Webley, Artie and Angie to come with him.
"That's brilliant!" Donna exclaimed gleefully as they all breathed a sigh of relief.
"That takes care of Mr. Clever for a bit, hopefully long enough for The Doctor to figure out a way to stop him before it can call the other Cybermen to the planet," Jack said, although he wasn't too optimistic about that.
At the castle, Porridge and the captain have a conversation where it's revealed that Porridge is the Emperor and the captain recognized him from standing guard over him during the ice picnic. As a Cybermite watches them, Porridge and the captain argue about blowing up the planet, Porridge forbidding her to do so. Clara then walks over, wondering why they'd blow up the planet to get rid of one Cyberman. Porridge explains they tried other ways with limited success so now the go to drastic action. The captain then takes the trigger from Clara, intending to stop the Cyberman and blow up the planet.
"NO!" Donna exclaimed as the past viewers stared at the screen horrified.
"She's mad," Wilf said in disbelief.
"No, just reckless and stupid," Jane said with a sigh.
"And willing to get everyone else killed out of some twisted sense of honor," Jack said darkly and Jane didn't disagree.
Despite Clara and Porridge's attempts to stop her, the captain begins running off, activating the trigger. Before she can finish, a blast hits her from outside and she goes down, dead. Outside, a Cyberman lowers its arm.
"…Thank you?" Donna said awkwardly, not sure how to feel about this.
"I really don't condone a loss of life as a doctor, but she was about to kill everyone," Martha noted conflicted.
"At the very least, they're all still alive. That's a good thing," Jack said and no one could argue.
Later, Clara is leading some soldiers through the castle, saying the Cyberman will pick them off one at a time if they stay there, so they have to take it out. One of the soldiers asks if that's an order and Clara says it is. Their plan is to fire at the back of the head to fry the brain circuit.
"Not a bad plan when dealing with a Cybermen," Mickey noted.
"If they had trained soldiers, maybe. But this is a punishment platoon for the screw ups. The odds aren't looking in their favor," Jack pointed out.
"They never do," Martha argued and Jack shrugged, conceding her point.
They move out. One of the soldiers sees the head of a Cyberman and heads towards it only to be grabbed from behind by the Cyberman's body. After it kills her, the Cyberman puts its head back on.
The past viewers and Jane all grimaced, once more uncomfortable with witnessing the death of innocent people. But no one said a word, merely continued watching.
The Cyberman kills two more soldiers, dragging their bodies before putting them on the floor. A few feet away, a soldier stands defiantly, declaring he's not afraid of the Cyberman. At Clara's signal, he jumps aside and Clara fires the gun, which destroys the Cyberman.
"They did it," Donna said in happy disbelief.
"It can't be that easy though," Mickey said, remembering his own experiences with Cybermen.
The dead soldiers then get up, Cyber Implants on their faces. Clara prepares to fire again but the soldier stops her as more soldiers appear, striking the Cyber Soldiers in the back of the necks. The Solider explains a pulse will take them out and they may need the charge again. They agree that it wasn't the only Cyberman before they move out.
"I hate being right," Mickey said with a groan as the past viewers stared horrified.
"It doesn't need to call anymore Cybermen t the planet. It already has its own army there," Jack said in horror.
"Bloody brilliant. Can this get any worse?" Donna asked annoyed.
The Doctor's group meets up with Clara and the soldiers, The Doctor pleased Clara's managed to stop the planet from being blown up. The Doctor explains the situation and Clara is horrified about Artie and Angie and hoping he can wake them up. The Doctor says he hopes so before informing them that a few more Cyberman are heading this way, Mr. Clever is installing a patch for the gold and The Doctor has a good chance of winning his chess match. Clara is confused as The Doctor promises he'll explain later. "Get me to a table. And somebody tie me up! Need hands free for chess," The Doctor says. "But immobilize me. Quickly." Later, The Doctor is tied to a chair in front of a table with the chessboard assembled as Clara tightens the nots; in disbelief The Doctor is in a chess match against himself. Mr. Clever then takes over, saying The Doctor only has a 25% chance of winning.
"He's pulled off harder things with worse odds," Jack said with a shrug.
"While only having access to less than half his brain?" Donna asked dryly and Jack was silent.
"Either way, he's in trouble. Doctor, don't let him win," Martha pleaded softly.
Mr. Clever introduces himself, calling Clara the impossible girl and taunting her about The Doctor keeping secrets from her. Mr. Clever says as soon as 'they' wake, they'll strip them all down for spare parts and leave the planet behind. Clara realizes he means the Cybermen and Mr. Clever reveals they're waking from their tomb.
"Bloody brilliant," Donna grumbled as they all watched the screen tense.
As Mr. Clever tries to bargain with her, Clara notice he wrote 'HIT ME!' on a sheet of paper. Clara obliges and The Doctor screams before explaining it was what he needed to regain control. Clara asks him about being the impossible girl but The Doctor promises to explain later. Clara tells him to explain the stakes and The Doctor reveals if he wins, Mr. Clever will break out of his head to kill them.
"No pressure or anything," Mickey said dryly as the past viewers continued to feel tense.
"So basically everyone's lives depend on The Doctor outsmarting a cybernetic version of himself in a chess match. How is this my life?" Martha wondered in exasperation.
"I asked myself the same question when I found myself teleported into a spaceship on my wedding day," Donna said with a sigh.
Clara asks about the kids and The Doctor reveal their brains are in standby mode and they have a better chance of getting out of this alive than Clara does. Clara asks which one of them said that and he smiles sinisterly, revealing Mr. Clever is back in control. "Now, if you don't mind, I have a chess match to win. And you have to die pointless and very far from home. Too Da-Loo!" Mr. Clever waves sarcastically and Clara walks off.
"It's rather unsettling seeing The Doctor act so…" Wilf trailed off, not sure how to put it.
"Psychotic?" Jack suppled and Wilf nodded.
"We know what you mean Gramps," Donna muttered, all them rather uneasy at seeing their friend act more like The Master than himself.
One of the soldiers explains the gun has only a dozen more shots left and Clara notes there are more than a dozen Cybermen headed their way. She asks about a cable and Porridge explains it's the power line for the park. After being informed it will fly anything alive if it was dropped into the moat, Clara orders it done.
"Will that work on the Cybermen?" Martha wondered and Mickey shrugged.
"Not sure, but I guess we're about to find out," Mickey said as they continued to watch.
As Clara's orders are followed, The Doctor makes a move before gasping and throwing his head back. In his mind, The Doctor tells Mr. Clever to stop it and Mr. Clever taunts him before waking the Cybermen. The Cybermen then begin leaving their ship.
"Blimey," Mickey muttered as they got a look at how many Cybermen there were.
"They don't stand a chance," Martha said horrified.
"Don't count them out just yet. They still have a few tricks up their sleeves," Jane warned them.
"Not sure how many tricks will help them against Cybermen," Jack said grimly.
Outside the castle, Clara is given soup by Porridge but The Doctor calls out to her. Clara heads inside and The Doctor asks for a rundown on their weapons. She gives it to him and The Doctor asks if the bomb has a remote trigger. Clara pulls it out but refuses to give it to him, unsure if he's The Doctor or Mr. Clever. The Doctor tells her Mr. Clever is hibernating and Clara challenges him to tell her something only The Doctor would know. The Doctor claims to be developing feelings for her before Clara slaps him. The Doctor gasps as he retakes control, asking how she knew that wasn't him. Clara explains even if he did feel that way, he would never say it.
"Well she's smart, I'll give her that," Martha noted.
"It's getting hard to keep up with which one is in control," Donna said.
"Which is why they need to be careful. The most dangerous enemies are the ones you can't see coming," Jack said darkly.
The Doctor then grabs Clara's hand holding the trigger, The Doctor revealing Mr. Clever has control of that arm. He wrestles the trigger from Clara than bangs it on the table, smashing it. The Doctor reveals Mr. Clever got what he wanted before Mr. Clever takes over. "Good news boys and girls, they're here!" Outside, the Cybermen are standing just outside the moat.
"Ah bloody Hell," Mickey groaned as they all watched tense.
"It's gonna take a miracle for them to survive this," Donna said worriedly.
In the castle, Clara explains the situation to the soldiers as Mr. Clever notes while he's learned so much from The Doctor, it's time for the game to end. He makes a move and the Cybermen begin advancing. One heads into the moat and is immediately shocked. But the Cyberman then upgrades itself and resumes marching, the rest of the army following it.
"They've upgraded so much the shocks are next to useless," Mickey said as the past viewers stared in horror.
"So what can they do?" Donna asked and Mickey didn't have an answer.
Clara gives the gun to the soldier who's the best shot, ordering him to shoot any Cybermen who make it across the moat while ordering the others to take up defensive positions. She then orders Porridge to stay safe before running off. The soldier with the gun destroys one Cybermen before the army enters the castle. Inside the castle, Porridge grabs the bomb, scolding himself for not blowing up the planet earlier. Mr. Clever notes The Doctor has a choice: he can take his bishop or sacrifice his queen and get the children back. But either way, Mr. Clever wins in five moves. As the battle rages outside, The Doctor willingly gives up his queen In exchange for Artie and Angie.
"Okay, so he saved the kids. Now what about everyone else?" Mickey asked as they continued watching uneasily.
"Just wait," Jane said, smiling to the confusion of the others.
Mr. Clever scolds The Doctor for his foolishness but The Doctor reminds him of the deal. Artie and Angie fall to their knees as Mr. Clever takes The Doctor's queen. As Angie looks around in confusion, Mr. Clever calls The Doctor's sacrifice pointless.
"Hate to agree with the Cyber…thing, but can't see much of a point to saving them if they're all gonna die anyway," Mickey pointed out.
"Dad always has a plan Mickey, remember that," Jane said.
"Well it better be a bloody good one," Donna grumbled, not seeing a way for The Doctor to get out of this.
Webley twitches as Porridge enters the room. Mr. Clever taunts The Doctor about how the children's death will affect his relationship with Clara. As Webley moves to kill Angie, she calls for The Doctor. Porridge slaps Webley's leg with a pulsar, sending Porridge flying back unconscious as Webley goes down, dead.
"Thank you Porridge," Martha said as they all breathed a sigh of relief.
The Doctor regains control, telling Angie to look after Artie. Outside, Clara runs out onto the battlefield as a Cybermen catches a soldier following her. The Soldier with the gun fires, hitting a Cyberman. But it has upgraded and is no longer affected by the gun.
"This really can't get much worse," Jack said as they watched horrified, wondering what anyone could do to stop them now.
Inside, The Doctor reveals sacrificing the queen was a strategic move, as the Time Lords invented chess and now The Doctor can take the game in 3 moves. Clara holds a mace as the soldier with the gun says he has no shots left. As the Cybermen advance, taking Clara's mace, The Doctor taunts Mr. Clever about not figuring out his move. As Clara and the soldiers are backed up against the wall, about to be upgraded, the Cybermen all shut down.
"Huh?" Mickey asked as the past viewers all stared at the screen in confusion.
"What…just happened?" Martha asked in bewilderment.
"It's explained in a second," Jane assured them with a smile.
Mr. Clever reveals he's pulled in the Cybermen to help him work on the chess game, which he calls pulling in the local resources. As Clara and the soldiers head away from the Cybermen, The Doctor reveals his moves to win the game. "Move 1: Turn on sonic screwdriver," The Doctor says as he pulls it out and points it at a pulsar. "Move 2: activate pulsar. And move 3: amplify pulsar." The Doctor then puts on the pulsar. "See ya!" The Doctor strikes the Cyber Implants with the pulsar as Mr. Clever cries that's cheating before the Cyber Implants fly off. Clara and the soldiers enter the room as The Doctor lifts his face, now free of Cyber Implants.
"Spaceman, you genius!" Donna exclaimed as they figured out The Doctor's plan.
"It was never about winning the chess game. It was about freeing the kids, then stopping the Cyber Planner. He played on its pride to shut down the army, then took out Mr. Clever," Jack said impressed.
"Even with less than half his brain's capacity, Mr. Clever was no match for Dad," Jane shrugged.
The Doctor asks to be untied and Clara asks if he thinks she's pretty. The Doctor says no and, satisfied, Clara unties him. The Doctor then heads over to the bomb, saying he needs to figure out how to activate it before Mr. Clever can wake the Cybermen, kill them and construct a spaceship. Angie suggests asking Porridge for the activation code, having figured out he's the emperor as he looks exactly like his wax replica.
"No else figured that out? Really?" Mickey asked in disbelief.
"I've seen The Doctor figure out much more complicated things with much less," Jack said, in a similar state of disbelief.
"Like I said, I think being effected by The Siren made Dad just a little dumber. Which'll explain a bit later on," Jane promised.
Porridge admits it but says he doesn't want to be emperor but if he activates the bomb, it's all over. The Doctor tells him that if he doesn't activate the bomb, three million Cybermen will spread throughout the galaxy. The Cybermen wake up and begin advancing towards the castle.
"Time to choose Porridge," Donna said uneasily as they watched tense.
Porridge activates the bomb and the countdown begins as the Cybermen head into the castle. Porridge assures the others they have 80 seconds before it blows, long enough for the Imperial Empire to locate him and get them out of there. Porridge closes his eyes and, when he opens them, they are now in a throne room.
"Wow, they are good," Mickey said as the past viewers save Jack were impressed.
"They might not be the most efficient at protecting humanity, but they're good at finding people," Jack shrugged.
The Doctor tells Porridge about the TARDIS and he needs it transmatted up there. Porridge has it beamed up and they all watch as the planet explodes.
"So long Cybermen," Mickey said with grim satisfaction.
"We won't miss you," Donna added as they all breathed a sigh of relief.
Porridge notes it was refreshing to get away from being Emperor for a while and not to have everyone waiting for him to tell them what to do. Artie asks if he can't run away again but Porridge says that'll be keeping a close eye on him this time, as being emperor is the loneliest job in the universe.
"Heavy is the head that wears the crown," Martha noted, all of them feeling bad for Porridge.
"There's a reason they say 'it's lonely at the top'," Jack agreed, relating to Porridge all too well.
"All that power, and yet he doesn't have the things that really matter," Wilf said sadly.
Clara assures him he doesn't have to be lonely and Porridge agrees before asking her to marry him, to her surprise.
"OI!" Donna exclaimed as the past viewers stared at the screen in utter disbelief.
"Let me get this straight. He's known her for less than a day, and he's asking her to marry him? He doesn't think he should get to know her a bit better before offering her one of the powerful positions in the universe?" Jack said in disbelief.1
"The Siren charmed him during their stay on the planet. Maybe a little more than she had intended," Jane noted.
"I'll say. Can you imagine the Siren with all that power?" Martha asked, all of them shuttering at the thought.
"Maybe it's best not to think about it," Wilf offered and no one disagreed.
Porridge says he's never met anyone like Clara and being emperor won't be as bad with her by his side. The Doctor tries to weigh in but Clara says this is between them. The Doctor nods, backing off as Clara gently declines, saying she doesn't want to rule 1,000 galaxies. Porridge, although disappointed, accepts graciously. Angie calls Clara stupid for saying no and declares she will one day be queen of the universe.
"And she's still a brat," Mickey muttered annoyed.
"I honestly would have thought The Siren would make Clara say yes," Jack noted.
"Either she didn't have control over Clara up to that point or she was too consumed with a desire to make Dad suffer. Either way, let's just be glad she wasn't," Jane said tiredly.
"That we can agree on," Martha said.
Porridge laughs before noting he could have them all executed. The Doctor asks if he's actually going to do that and Porridge laughs and tells them all to get out of here before he changes his mind. They head towards the TARDIS, Clara saluting Porridge on the way out. Porridge watches them leave before sitting down.
"Poor Porridge," Donna said, all of them once more feeling sympathy for him.
"Yeah," Jane said sadly.
On the TARDIS, The Doctor wishes Artie and Angie goodbye, giving Angie an UPhone as a gift from the TARDIS. They head out, wishing The Doctor and Clara goodbye. Clara thanks The Doctor for the trip and getting them all off the planet alive before following Artie and Angie out the doors, saying she'll see him Wednesday. The Doctor stares after Clara, wondering what she is.
The mood turned darker once more, remembering The Siren again and wishing they could free The Doctor from it.
But they would, once they returned home.
On Porridge's ship, Porridge makes sure there's no Cyber Tech remaining before asking one of the techs if they ever wanted to be emperor. They say no and, satisfied, Porridge orders for the ship to head home. Outside the ship, a Cybermite is seen floating in space before the screen goes black.
"One of them survived," Mickey said horrified.
"All it takes is one," Jane said with a sigh.
"So did it come back then?" Donna asked and Jane smiled tightly.
"Spoilers," Jane said, annoying them all. "Now just two more to go, and these are the most important. So I need you to pay very close attention."
Their annoyance faded away as they turned back to the screen, wondering what could be so important about them as the next recording started.
And that one's done. Honestly, this might be my least favorite episode of the season since The Snowman. Aside from a great performance by Matt Smith, we had Clara's Mary-Sueness at its peak along with Angie, who not only is as much a Mary-Sue as Clara, but also just an annoying, ungrateful brat.
1: And let's get into Clara's Mary-Sueness. Porridge, who has known Clara for less than a day, decides he wants to make Clara his Empresses. Let me break this down. He wanted to make someone he barely knew one of the most powerful people in the universe. Think about that for a minute.