All mistakes are mine...

11

Memories

o-O-o

The staff room at Northwestern was bright and spacious with armchairs and couches in various shades of red, blue and green dotted around the wide room. The sun was setting, and the large floor to ceiling windows that lined the south wall, filled the space with a soft golden light, making Bella squint.

Opposite the windows, a small kitchen protruded from a pale blue wall, an industrial sized coffee machine parked in the middle. It was nicknamed, 'Chance', because though it appeared to be able to make every single kind of coffee, it refused to give you the one you selected. Lattes were often Mochas; double espresso shots sometimes came out as cappuccinos, and on rare occasion, decaf coffee, which was frustratingly indiscernible until the lack of caffeine hit hours later.

Bella's fingers played with the end of her ponytail as she laid eyes on Edward, sitting by the window on a green couch, one leg folded over the other, his black rimmed glasses fixed on a textbook on his lap. Flutters rushed in her belly, a tingle going through her. The room was deserted; everyone who'd finished work, already on their way home and those that had just started, too busy to come down here.

This was a bad idea. She'd meant what she said to Annabelle, she couldn't be around him without wanting him. Especially when he looked like that. He'd changed into a fresh blue t-shirt and dark jeans, both of them clinging to his muscular frame in a way that made her mouth dry.

Suddenly Edward looked up, and as his eyes connected to hers, a sharp jolt went through her, electrifying every nerve ending and making her knees weak. His full lips curved up into a dizzying smile and Bella swallowed, walking over to him. She studied the seat next to him and she pondered whether to sit there or on the chair opposite. Being close to Edward was dangerous; his presence was too much, his scent. Even just standing near him had every hair standing on end, the back of her neck tingling.

"You gonna just stand there, Bells?" he asked her, still smiling, one dark eyebrow lifting playfully.

Bella dropped to the couch, quite ungracefully and Edward smirked at her, his intense green eyes drifting down her body. She shivered under his attention, her nipples hardening in her sports bra. "I like these," he murmured, his finger brushing the soft material of her yoga pants.

Bella's breath caught, that tiny action from him sending her whole body aflame. "Thanks," she said stiffly.

Edward swallowed, his eyes lifting to meet hers. The deep-sea green was magnified by his glasses, and with the golden light flooding from behind his head, Bella found herself wondering how it was possible for anybody to be so beautiful.

"Sorry," he said in a rough voice, biting his bottom lip.

Bella choked at the sight of his full lip slipping under his white teeth, her mind going completely blank.

"How come you're wearing glasses," Bella blurted out. It was something she'd been wondering the past few weeks, and she was genuinely curious.

Edward's eyes widened slightly, and he let go of his bottom lip. "I only need them if I'm doing a lot of reading."

"Since when?"

Edward shrugged, "Honestly, always, but I just didn't um…" he scratched the back of his neck, "back in school, I didn't really need to read anything so…"

A soft laugh left Bella's lips. "Of course not." She didn't know why it bothered her so much that she didn't know he'd needed glasses.

He adjusted the black frames, clearing his throat, "So, I…" He trailed off as Bella's cheeks flushed and then bit the inside of his cheek, his lips twitching. "Huh… you like the glasses."

Bella coughed, "W-what?"

Edward let out a dark chuckle, "Baby, I know when you're turned on." His face was suddenly far too close, those molten green eyes burning into hers, "I know exactly what it means when you flush."

Bella's breathing hitched and Edward pulled back, licking his bottom lip. "God, I can't fucking help myself."

She stared at his mouth, swallowing heavily, her body suddenly too hot, her cheeks too warm.

Edward lurched upwards and Bella gasped in surprise, her head tilting back to meet his eyes. They were dark and hooded as he stared down at her. "Coffee?" he asked roughly.

Bella's teeth sunk into her bottom lip and she nodded. He strode away, his hand running through his hair, and she fell back into the couch, trying to catch her breath.

That wasn't a good start.

When Edward came back, he was holding a frothy looking mug in one hand, and a black coffee in the other.

He handed her the frothy coffee, "I know you prefer flat whites, but this is what came out."

Something flickered in her chest as his warm fingers grazed hers, a spark jumping across her skin from his.

"What did you choose?" Bella said softly, her own lips curving up as he sat down next to her, much further away this time.

Edward made a face, "I put in a mocha, and got the lattè, then I put in cappuccino and got the Americano."

"Chance," they said at the same time, their eyes connecting for a beat before Bella hastily looked away. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she brought the coffee to her lips, desperate for a distraction.

She sipped at the warm, slightly bitter liquid and Edward cleared his throat, taking off his glasses and placing them on top of the other text book next to him. "So…obviously I know what a fucking mind map is, but what exactly do you do with them that helps you?"

Bella brought the coffee down to her lap and licked the foam from her lips. Edward's eyes dropped to her mouth and darkened, his long fingers tightening around the book he was holding.

"I categorize things based on how they connect, rather than them as a whole." Bella said, her fingers tangling together around the cup. "What things do you struggle with the most?"

Edward was still staring at her mouth and Bella rolled her eyes. "Ed..."

His eyes flew up to hers and he swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Sorry, what?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.

A thrill went through Bella, something fluttering against her ribcage at the knowledge that as much power as he had over her, she seemed to have the same over him. He stared into her eyes, and she felt herself get dizzy as she stared back, something tightening in her lower abdomen.

"What are you struggling with?" she managed to ask.

Edward swallowed and shifted further away from her on the couch. "I understand the anatomy...but I don't have a good understanding of how it coalesces with the pharmacological side, or how to diagnose."

Bella hummed, "Firstly, don't try and do things you don't need to know. Diagnosing isn't really required yet, you just need a basic understanding – don't overcomplicate it for yourself."

Edward frowned at her, "Overcomplicate it? But I'm just reading the text-book."

Bella fought a smile, "Have you looked at the exam papers they want you to sit?"

"Um, no." Edward rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks flushing, "I just…I was working through the books because that's what-"

"Okay," Bella interrupted. "So, you probably are overcomplicating it for yourself Ed, the first thing you need to do is find out what you need to know, nothing else matters right now."

He frowned at the book in front of him, rubbing at the stubble on his jaw and Bella's eyes dropped to his long fingers, and then his pale throat, a tingle going through her. His masculine scent invaded her with every breath, her lower stomach coiling tight as she stared at him. Her cheeks flushed with warmth, the back of her neck heating up. She pulled her hair tie out and then wrapped her long hair up into a knot behind her head, raising her arms and tying it, sighing at the slight breeze from the air con against her heated skin.

She lowered her hands and found Edward staring at her, his green eyes flecked with black and hooded. Her breath caught and he licked his bottom lip, his jaw jumping. Her back arched without her permission and his eyes trailed slowly down her neck, resting on her chest where she could feel her nipples, hard against the thin material of her sports bra.

A heaviness settled between her legs at the way Edward's eyes darkened further, his full, pink lips parting.

"Edward stop looking at me like that." Bella choked out.

He swallowed, his voice rough as he looked up, those smoldering green eyes burning into hers, "I can't fucking help it, look at you..."

She got up, her knees feeling weak as she made the few steps and sprawled into the armchair opposite him. Relief flooded her body and she sighed, closing her eyes for a moment.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Edward said quietly. "Maybe being good is too hard for me…you should go."

She should go. But she couldn't, not until she'd helped him.

"So, mind maps…" Bella said forcefully, opening her eyes.

Edward was staring at her, his expression drawn. "I-"

"Pick a topic," Bella interrupted. "What's something you're not doing well in?"

Edward flushed. "Um, I have an exam next week on Microbiology, that's been difficult for me."

"Okay...write that in the center of the mindmap."

Edward reached into his bag and grabbed a notebook, turning the pages and Bella shook her head, "You can't use lined paper." Bella rolled her eyes. "Wait here."

She got up and walked to the far side of the room where a singular desk sat, a printer next to it. She grabbed a few pieces of the white paper and some colored pens she found in one of the drawers.

Edward stared up at her as she came back and against her better judgement, she sat down with him again, pulling the textbook gently from his hands and resting it on his lap, placing the paper on top.

She turned her head and found Edward's mouth inches from hers. "Write it in the middle," Bella said breathlessly.

She could feel the hot bursts of his breath against her mouth, practically taste the coffee he'd just drunk.

"Mmm, okay." Edward's low voice sent a tingle down her spine and she moved back from him, grabbing the purple pen.

He glanced down and his lips curved up, his green eyes meeting hers with a playful glint. "Colored pens?"

"It helps," Bella said, arching a brow at him.

Edward gave her a smile, flashing his perfect white teeth, "You're the expert, Nurse Swan."

He grabbed the pen, but held onto it for a second, staring into her eyes. "I think it's amazing, what you do, you're so good with the patients Bells, incredible. But you always were sweet as anything."

Bella's breath caught and she closed her eyes, "Not sweet enough for anyone to know about though, right."

Edward sighed and she gasped as she felt his large, warm palm, wrap around her wrist, her eyes flying open.

"I was a fucking asshole," Edward said softly, "I won't pretend any different. I didn't want to be in love with you, I didn't want to…I don't fucking know Bella, I was a stupid kid, and that doesn't mean you should forgive me but I'm different now, I…"

"I don't care," Bella lied, her eyes burning.

Edward stroked her wrist with his thumb, sparks shooting across her skin as her chest ached, a deep and wrenching pain settling under her ribs.

"I'm so sorry. If I could take it all back, I would. I'm so sorry, Bella." His voice cracked and tears began to fall freely down her cheeks. He lifted his hand and cupped her cheek, the burning warmth searing her to the bone. Edward stroked at her tears with his thumb, leaning in and pressing his forehead to hers, his breathing ragged.

"I hate seeing you cry," he rasped, "and I hate that it's my fucking fault."

Bella pulled back a little, the ache in her chest mixing with her desire for him until she felt like she was drowning. She leaned in and brushed her lips to his.

Edward inhaled sharply, a low groan leaving his mouth. "Bella, please, I can't…I can't stop if you-"

She pressed her mouth to his and Edward's hand slid into her hair, gripping it tight as he kissed her fiercely. Bella whimpered as his tongue nudged her lips open, sweeping into her mouth and meeting hers. The taste of him set her on fire and she threw her arms around his neck, launching herself onto his lap.

Edward's chest vibrated with a groan, his mouth moving more roughly with hers. "Bella," he panted into her mouth, "Tell me to stop."

Bella ignored him, biting his bottom lip roughly. Edward hissed into her mouth, his large arm suddenly wrapping around her waist and pulling her more firmly onto him. The second she felt the hard length of him between her legs, Bella's back arched, her heart slamming into her rib cage. Her hands gripped his hair tugging it as she kissed him savagely, her body shaking with need against his.

Edward's hand tightened around her, grinding her down on him and Bella moaned into his mouth at the feel of him rubbing against her. He was so hard. Hard for her.

He slowed down the kiss a little, cupping her cheek, his thumb stroking across her skin, and then he murmured something against her lips, something that made her freeze and fly backwards off of him, landing in the chair opposite, her fingers going to her mouth. "I…"

Edward stared at her, wide-eyed, breathing harshly. "I'm so sorry."

"N-no, that was…" Bella put her head in her hands. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Bella I-"

"Write down the fucking word Edward." Bella said harshly, still not looking up at him. She didn't dare, not yet, not while her pulse pounding between her legs, a deep ache stretching up her thighs and deep into the pit of her stomach.

He didn't say anything, but she could hear his heavy breaths, the rustle of paper, the scratch of pen against it.

"Now what?" His voice was deep and rough, grating across her skin and leaving a hot shiver in its wake.

"Subtopics." Bella wasn't faring much better. "What things can be linked to it?"

"Clinical manifestations?"

"Yes, but think simpler," Bella said, her breathing starting to go back to normal again.

"Immunology," Edward murmured.

Bella's hand left her face. "Perfect, draw an arrow from the center to that word, but use a different colour."

She heard Edward's breath pause for a second. "Okay…Bella?"

Bella opened her eyes and immediately met with sea-green, the sun glinting off the brown flecks.

"Thank you," he said, his deep voice still thick.

Bella couldn't speak even if she wanted to, so she just nodded.

He was silent as he started scribbling on the paper and she stared at him as his eyebrows furrowed together, his hand reaching out and grabbing his glasses again as he opened the textbook, biting on his bottom lip as he studied it.

Watching him like this was addicting. It reminded her of when he used to take her homework from her hands and do it quickly, those green eyes fixed intently on the paper as he jotted down her answers for her. She used to protest, crawling onto his lap and trying to snatch it from him, and he would just laugh huskily and press his warm cheek against hers, tell her that the quicker it was done, the quicker he could be inside her.

Memories swarmed in her head, making her throat close up.

"Have you told Emmett and Rose that you're here with me?" Bella said suddenly, making Edward's head fly up.

He swallowed, his jaw tightening. "Um, they know I'm here, just they don't know I'm at the hospital, working with you, unless you told them?"

Bella shook her head, biting her lip, "So Rose knows you're here? Why didn't she tell me?"

Edward sighed, "Probably because she doesn't want me anywhere near you. She's furious with me for telling you how I felt at their party."

"How did she find out?" Bella asked, sitting up in surprise. All she'd told Rose and Emmett was that Edward had apologized.

Edward scowled, "I told Emmett and he let it slip. Asshole."

"Why didn't Rose say anything to me?"

"I might've promised her I'd leave you alone," Edward said, playing with the pen between his long fingers. "I was determined to, you know. I've loved you from afar for a long time, living off the tidbits that Rose and Em let slip; they never directly told me about you, but I'd get glimpses. And on your Facebook, but you don't post much."

"I don't really like social media," Bella muttered.

"I'm sorry Bella. I keep fucking everything up with you."

"There's nothing to fuck up, we're nothing," Bella said harshly.

Edward flinched, "I…I know. Bella, I just want you to be happy, and I want to be in your life, but only if you want me there."

Bella closed her eyes, leaning back in the seat. "What other topics link to Immunology."

Surprise! I was actually sitting on this and the next one and I've been getting a lot of messages about it so I thought I'd give you guys this chapter and another in a week...though I'm really sorry to say it's probably going to be quite a while before you get any more. This one was actually pre-read but over a year and a half ago now... in any case the thank you's are for Erin, April and Lauren. Don't be mad at me for holding them from you plz :P If I'm being honest I had no idea I didn't post them in the absolute chaos I was going through. I am okay though and hope you all are too xoxo

Updates on everything are in the FB group so please join if you want to know what's going on (kisses)

Love you guys lots,

Ella