Bella pov.
I looked at Jasper and he looked back at me. We were sitting at opposite ends of the cullens largest sofa, I was feeling more than a little lost. Of all the cullens jasper was the one I knew the least, and the only one who frightened me, if only a little. Although to be honest it wasn't Jasper himself that frightened me but Edwards fears that Jasper might lose control.
just recently however I had been developing my own theory on that subject, one that I hadn't been able to investigate fully because I could never get near Jasper.
"It's alright Bella, I'm not going to hurt you," he tailed off looking thoughtful
"What are you thinking" I asked quietly
"I was trying to gauge how under control I am right now but it's strange"
"What's strange"
"I'm fine. I mean, it's more than that. I don't Need to control myself because I'm not experiencing any reaction to your presence. That's never happened before when we have been in the same room."
I grinned. This was excellent news for my theory.
"Why are you grinning"
"I have a theory about you and your control."
"Oh and what's that then"
"Well to know if I'm right I need more information, answer some questions and then I'll tell you my theory"
"deal"
"Back in a sec." I hopped off the sofa and crossed the room, I pulled a notebook and pen out of a draw and made my way back to the sofa, I plonked down on the cushion next to Jasper's and opened my notebook.
"Right. I need to know how many times each of you has "slipped up" by that I mean lost control and attacked a human whilst fully intending not to attack," I paused "do you know that Information for everyone?"
"Yes. It's a topic of conversation now and then"
"Excellent"
"Why"
"bear with me"
"Ok"
"Now I know it's zero for carlisle and zero for Rosalie. I'm not counting the people she chose to kill for this, but how many for Emmett not counting the two singers?."
Jasper thought for a moment.
"12, he's got good control despite his hot temper"
I wrote that down
"Esme?"
"27, despite her softly spoken nature it took her a long time to learn control, so she was the most likely to slip up for a long time"
"Wow I wouldn't have expected that of Esme"
"I was surprised when I found out as well."
I wrote down Esme's number and continued "Alice? She wasn't created by carlisle was she, did she have a "normal diet" before she found the cullens"
"No she had a vision of carlisle and the cullens almost immediately after the transformation finished. So she knew about the vegetarian diet right away. He visions helped her avoid humans whilst she learnt to control herself and so she has only slipped up 6 times"
"Wow that's impressive" I wrote it down "Edward"
"I don't know how many he killed when he left Carlisle, do you need that number?"
"No. He intended to kill during that period. I need the number of times he attacked when he wasn't planning to."
"31" I wrote it in the notebook
"So that just leaves you"
"You want the total number of humans I've killed?" He sounded skeptical. As if he thought that number might frighten me
"No. I know you weren't a vegetarian when you were created, as with Edward I want the number of times you've slipped up"
"Are you sure"
"Just tell me" I glared at him.
"Alright. 97"
I paled. It was more than triple the highest of the others. I tried not to change my expression but of course my emotions gave me away.
"I warned you"
"I was expecting a large number. It's fine" I wrote it down.
"Everyone has told you I'm the weakest. Now you know by how much" he looked upset. I patted him on the arm.
"I'm not so sure about that."
"What do you mean"
"I'm getting there. I've still got a few more questions.
"Alright."
Now then. Of those 97 slip ups how many happened before you joined the cullens but after you decided to stop hunting humans?
"None, but I made a point of avoiding humans at all costs while I got used to hunting animals"
"How many happened while you were with all 6 of the others?"
He thought for a moment "6, we don't often all go out as one group"
I noted it down
"How about when you were with 5 of the others?"
"23 he said after a pause"
I noted it down
"4 of the others?"
"32, and 36 when I was with 3 others" he could see where I was going "Going hunting at 4s and 5s is our most common grouping aside from individual couples." I wrote both numbers down and continued the subtraction that I had been doing as we went along. I smiled. Exactly the result I had been expecting, I turned to Jasper
"Haven't you noticed, we've run out of slip ups!"
"What do you mean"
"6 as a group of 7, 23 as a group of 6, 32 as a group of 5, 36 as a group of 4. That adds up to 97. You've never slipped up when you have been with 2 or less of the others or while alone. Think about it."
He sat thinking for a while then gave me a funny look
"Your right. How strange."
"It's not strange at all"
"What do you mean?"
Okay. Describe for me an example of a situation in which you might slip up. "
"Well it usually happens when we are hunting and a human is where they shouldn't be. So a group of us are out. Hungry. Looking for prey. Senses heightened scanning the environment. Suddenly we are hit with the scent of human. We are hit with a wave of thirst and bloodlust that we weren't expecting and the scent activates an almost overwhelming instinct to head for the source of the smells and attack. Sometimes we can control it and rein ourselves in sometimes we can't. If we can't that's when a slip up happens."
"And you think you are the weakest because you have slipped up the most"
"Of course"
"But consider your gift. Say for example that you are out with Alice, Emmett, and rosalie. And a human scent shows up. You all react the way you described but YOU also feel their reactions. So you get hit with a quadruple dose of those feelings and instincts. A quadruple dose of thirst and bloodlust." I paused and watched his face while he contemplated
"I'd never looked at it that way."
"you see the significance of that in regard to your record, in regard to how you see yourself"
"not really"
I sighed. For a genius vampire he was being terribly slow
"Look at the numbers" I showed him my page. under the other groups I'd written 2 others zero, 1 other zero , alone zero.
"You've Never slipped up when only dealing with your own blood lust.. You only have a high count because of your gift. If you were to look at his as if you had no gift it would give you a zero count." He looked at me quizzically, I rephrased
"Your record can't be compared to the others as a direct comparison because it is influenced by your gift. You have never slipped up while alone. that effectively gives you a record as good as carlisle or Rosalie."
I let this sink in. Jasper grinned.
"That's incredible. And all this time I thought I was failing."
I smiled at him. This was only the second time I had been alone with jasper (the first being in Seattle airport where I was understandably distracted) I noticed that there was something curiously engaging about him, I put it down to the charisma element of his gift.
"And there's more" I said pointing at the second and third rows up on my paper.
"There is?" Jasper replied looking down.
"You've never slipped up while with one or two of the others. You can handle a double and triple dose of bloodlust whilst still maintaining perfect control"
I looked him dead in the eyes
"do you see what I'm getting at Jasper. I doubt even carlisle could maintain perfect content if his blood lust were doubled, Let alone tripled. Yet You only start to slip up when faced with a quadruple dose or more. You aren't the weakest of the cullens you're the strongest.
He looked at me in wonder
"Your right. How can none of us have ever seen it this way before"
"I really have no idea" I chuckled. He joined in.
Jasper pov
Bella is incredible. The way she looks at things is totally different to anyone I have encountered. She has realised something so easily that none of the rest of us had realised in decades. And now that she said it it was obvious. I thought back over the last several decades. How could I have never noticed that I didn't struggle when I was alone or in small groups. And something else began to dawn. All I had to do was ensure I didn't hunt or go out while hungry in a large group and I would never slip up again. It was like a massive weight had dropped from me. I wasn't the weak link after all. And I knew now with absolute certainty (whereas before I had only been somewhat sure) that I would not hurt Bella. My control was too good for that. I relaxed. And I could feel that having had her theory about me confirmed Bella had relaxed too. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was after 5. Bella needed to eat.
"It's coming up on dinner time. Let me take you out for a meal. To say thank you."
"There's no need for that"
"You've changed my view of myself completely. I'd like to thank you"
"Alright then. But not the diner"
I laughed. "I wouldn't dream of it, I know a little place just outside of Tacoma that is right up your street"
"I suppose I should go change then" she sighed
"Only if you want to. It's not a place where you need a cocktail dress, jeans are perfectly acceptable"
I knew how Bella hated to dress up. Alice felt being forced into it was good for her but I would never take Bella somewhere that required formal wear, it wasn't her scene.
Bella's pov
I looked down at my outfit. I was wearing jeans but they were my oldest most threadbare pair and they were muddy from hiking in the woods.
"These jeans are a bit mucky, I won't be long"
I headed for the stairs walking quickly. Oddly enough I was actually looking forward to going out to eat which was unlike me. In Edwards room I opened the wardrobe and looked through my clothes, quickly pulling out my favourite jeans and a long sleeve shirt. I changed and pulled on a pair of boots. I was back downstairs within 10 minutes. Jasper was waiting by the front door. He had also changed. He was now wearing blue jeans, a check shirt, brown leather boots, and a cowboy hat.
"You look great Jasper" I blurted.
"Why thank you Bella. So do you."
"Thank you" I replied. One of my easy blushes colouring my cheeks. It occurred to me that The more we had talked without the others around the more he was speaking in a southern accent much stronger than his usual one. I mentioned this fact to him, he looked startled
"Am I." He made a noise as if clearing his throat and when he next spoke the accent was almost gone.
" I tend to mostly cover up my accent. It helps me fit in better with the others."
"That's a shame. I like it"
"Do you" he said surprised. The accent coming through strong again.
"You have to hide enough of who you are. You shouldn't hide the way you naturally speak."
"That's mighty sweet of you to say" he said in a strong southern drawl. I smiled.
"That's better"
"Shall we" He said offering his arm.
I took his arm without hesitation. I'd never touched Jasper before and yet there was something comfortable and almost familiar in the contact. He lead me out of the front door and round to the garage. He opened the passenger door of a green sports car and I slid in, he closed the door behind me and got into the drivers seat. Within moments we were flying through the Forrest,
Dinner was a quiet affair. Jasper took me to a small family restaurant, it was small and quiet everyone was dressed casually and the food was simple and delicious. Jasper had been right it was ideal. As I ate we talked quietly about so many different things and I found that I thoroughly enjoyed jaspers company.
On the drive home we were silent and I contemplated how pleasant Jasper was to spend time with and how silly I had been to be worried. I was also surprised and quietly pleased that my opinion had been enough for Jasper to revert to using his natural accent.