A/N: This became my stress relief this weekend. I'm trying to write as much as I can before my schedule goes insane. A bit angsty, but also sweet. I don't know if you guys are getting alerts from FFN , but I haven't received any updates on new chapters from stories I'm subscribed to or alerts that you guys are sending me messages and reviews - hopefully this gets resolved soon. Hope you guys enjoy! Don't be shy, comment!

Privacy and Engagements

She had a headache, and she didn't know where they were.

Those were the first two things that Sarah could process when Connor woke her. Her cheeks felt raw and scratchy from all the tears she had shed, and she was just... worn. Worn and overwhelmed. Her eyes darted around as she tried to get her bearings.

Bits of old adobe buildings mixed with more modern structures filled her view. It was only as she turned that she registered the modest Spanish-style villa that Connor had parked next to... She knew this place. It was the hotel they had stayed at towards the end of their summer break last year. She had scrimped and saved for weeks to come back to Mexico a little early and enjoy a week by the ocean. She had barely spent a quarter of what she saved, she recalled. Connor had covered everything before she had the chance. The fight that had ensued when she had tried to pay him back her half still set her teeth on edge.

How long had she been asleep?

Connor squeezed her arm before climbing out of his car. He didn't let her grab her bag as he slung it over his shoulder. He hadn't let her carry it out of the airport either. It was his insurance that she wouldn't disappear on him again. His hand found hers as she came to his side. He never spoke.

A tense brittleness swathed the couple. Somehow more intense and more fragile than the desperate relief and fear that had purveyed them earlier. Sarah wasn't used to this kind of stillness from Connor. He was by no means a loud man. He wasn't flashy or boisterous, but he commanded attention without meaning to. Now, he seemed faded...faraway. She couldn't help but think that she had broken them - broken him, and it sent a fresh wave of tears to her eyes.

Connor pretended not to notice. He was still reeling from everything that had occurred in the past twenty-four hours and it was taking all his focus to put one foot in front of the other. His instincts had taken over the minute they had stepped into the parking lot. He was driven by a singular need to run away, to barricade the two of them away until they were strong enough to deal with everything.

Getting a room was a blur.

Wisely, the hotel concierge had refrained from small talk, sensing the strain between the couple. It was an odd relief when they did step into their room. The click of the door shutting suddenly made the world seem so distant. It was just her and Connor with four walls and a bed.

Sarah slipped into the bathroom as Connor set her bag down. The use of the facilities allowed her a moment of privacy, even from him. She could breathe if only for a second as her reprieve was short-lived. As soon as she opened the door, the thick silence hit her in the face like a harsh wind. Connor brushed past her as she exited, and she swore he jerked from her.

What were they doing?

She should have gotten on the plane.

No.

She should have kicked him out of her apartment the second he had appeared last night. She had been weak. Swayed by the comfort of him, swayed by the determination in his blazing sapphire eyes, swayed by...by Connor, by the man she loved more than she wanted to admit.

And she had broken them.

He was already so far away.

With stumbling steps, Sarah crashed onto the bed and curled into a tight ball as she suppressed her heaving sobs. Unconsciously, she kept her back to the bathroom. She was so tired of crying. She hated that he was seeing this side of her, but she didn't know how to stop crumbling. Every time she tried her walls were simply torn to shreds again.

Sarah didn't hear him leave the bathroom. She didn't hear him toe off his shoes as he stared achingly at her quietly shaking form. It would have brought a spark of hysterical amusement to Connor to know that their thoughts traveled similar paths at that moment.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

This wasn't the plan.

The bed dipped under his weight as he knelt behind her. Ever so carefully, he smoothed his warm paw up her back as he gently bade her turn. Sarah was reluctant to follow his silent instruction, but Connor could be more stubborn than her when he wanted... and he wanted. Before she could blink, he had her cradled against his chest. She was surrounded by his familiar musk and solid heat. An unspoken chiding that he wasn't gone yet. He was here. Stop blocking him out. The last of her walls dissolved under his stalwart care and Sarah found herself clinging to him like a lifeline as she just let go and sobbed.

Everything was changing.

She hated it.

They fell asleep entangled with each other. It was hours later when Sarah came to again. The room was dark, and the soft bristle of a single chest hair tickled her nose. She snuffled faintly as she started to pull back when she felt Connor's arms tighten reflexively around her. She looked up to see a deep furrow in his brow, but his breaths were still coming slow and deep. She gently tested his grip again and found his hold incredibly secure, but her prodding had woken him.

Connor grumbled and buried his face into her hair, "Time is it?"

"Don't know," Sarah whispered, she didn't even know where her phone was, and the room was too dark to find a clock. A more pressing question weighed on her mind, "Why are we here?"

Connor was silent for a long time, and she almost thought he had fallen back asleep. It was only as he shifted to lay more on his back that he answered, "It's familiar and it was away from everyone who knows us. We need privacy. I need you and you need me. That's it."

Silence fell again, just as heavy as it had been earlier.

Heavy and awkward.

"Why didn't you get on the plane?"

Sarah didn't know the answer to that question. She had been ready. Had quietly gathered her bag from behind Connor and placed a tearful kiss on his cheek before heading to the airport. She had marched through security with the battle-readiness of a hardened warrior, grim and determined to see her plan out. It was only as she was sitting in the waiting area that she found herself frozen.

Nausea had pulled at her stomach, a reminder of the morning sickness she had been fighting for days now. She couldn't say that she had a sense of impending doom or wrong. She couldn't say she saw a child and thought 'what if...?'

Boarding had been called over the loudspeaker and she had simply sat there and watched the doors close. Every time she tried to move; she became further cemented to her spot –trapped in a well of numbness. And then Connor was there. Angry, desperate, ferociously protective Connor and she had just given in to him, "I don't know. I just couldn't do it."

Sarah moved to sit up, squeezing his hand reassuringly as his grip tighten on her again. She drew her knees to her chest as she linked their fingers, "I've broken us."

It was a statement, not a question. Connor bristled all the same, "No, Sweetheart. We're a little bent right now, we're not broken."

"Feels that way." She murmured into her knees.

Connor frowned, his intuition forming words before his brain could process, "Feels like we're broken, or you're broken?"

"Both."

The dour resignation in her voice made him cold. Connor desperately wanted to understand where her mind was at, "Why do you feel like you're broken, Bab- Sarah?"

They both winced as he stumbled over the word that she had made taboo. For nearly two years she had been his baby – not calling her that was going to be a trial.

It was only as he nudged her that she answered, "Everything's wrong. I'm pregnant with a child with the man I love more than anything and I'm terrified, Connor. This isn't what I want. It wasn't supposed to happen. I'm terrified. I don't know what to do."

Her words weren't surprising. She had said as much to him the night before – in the long, drawn-out battle to get her to let him in, to let him be as responsible for what happened to this child as much as she was. But a thought occurred to him that hadn't occurred the night before – a thought that broke his heart, "I brought up adoption last night and you brushed me off."

"You'd never give up your baby," Sarah said with such certainty that it only deepened the crack in his heart.

"But you think you could." He whispered. When she didn't say anything, he shook his head, "No, I don't think you could give up your child any more than you could get on that plane."

Connor sat up, mirroring her posture, "I think that my overachiever girlfriend, my girlfriend who hates surprises, who plans out everything she does with a color-coded binder and a purple pen has just had the room go dark on her. And I think that you think you're alone in that darkness. You think that I'm going to walk away from you, don't you?"

You can leave.

She had flung those words at him yesterday and he hadn't really put much thought into them. He had instinctively thought she had been kicking him out. Telling him to go. He didn't have the burden of a child inside him-pregnancy wouldn't be a part of him the way it was for her. He could still do what he liked... but she literally meant that he could leave. Forget about her and forget about the baby as if neither of them existed, had been a part of his life. It was ludicrous.

Shame burned her and she failed to meet his stare. It wasn't so much that he would leave, but that she would.

"I'm not your father, Sarah." Connor said it so lowly that it almost sounded like a growl, "I'm not leaving you."

Words. Words were pretty... and useless. Sarah had been promised too many things that didn't come through in her short life to take words at value anymore. She buried her face into the dip of her knees. Her parents had made it clear a long time ago that she wasn't worth sticking around for...Why would someone not family do what they couldn't? Why would she force him to?

Connor suppressed a scowl as he watched her distance herself from him. They may be sitting inches apart, but she may as well have been in another city. He moved from the bed then, hunting down his jacket with a hardened intent. This wasn't how he had wanted to do this, but maybe it would clear up some of her fear.

Sarah stilled apprehensively as she watched him, wondering if she had indeed pushed him too far this time. It was only as he grabbed his jacket that she felt her fickle heart disintegrate. He surprised her when he climbed back on the bed and placed his legs on either side of hers. A small box was tugged from inside a pocket, and he held it out to her.

Hesitantly, Sarah took it. The cardboard edges had become crinkled and mushed, no longer sharp and pristine. There was some heft to it, but Sarah already knew what resided inside. Her stomach bottomed out as a rushing sensation filled her ears.

She didn't move.

Connor watched her and waited.

Slowly, so slowly, she placed the box on top of her feet and just stared at it like it would explode. It took a second for him to realize she was shaking.

"You gonna open it?" He prodded quietly.

"No." Sarah rasped as her gaze swung wildly to him, "You... you can't do this, Connor. You can't put that on the table just because... I can't - "

"Sarah, look at that box." Connor pressed with more patience than he felt, "Does it look new?"

It didn't. Even with the crinkles, the white was smudge – evidence of how often he had handled it. She shook her head, not understanding.

Connor smiled bitterly, "I decided five months ago that I was going to spend the rest of my life with you. I've been carrying this ring around for four, trying to figure out how to ask. Thought maybe our anniversary, but that's still a few months away. Graduation's too cliché. This isn't how I wanted to do it, but if doing this now reassures you that I don't plan on going anywhere, that you have me by your side always. Then okay. I'm not asking you to marry me because of the baby. I'm not. I'm asking because I decided a while ago that I want you. I choose you, Sarah."

Big crocodile tears gathered on her lashes as he spoke. She felt lightheaded and unable to process. She hated that she had driven him to ask her like this, because despite what Connor thought he was asking because of the baby now. She had forced his hand.

Sarah sniffled and wiped harshly at her eyes as she raggedly asked, "And what if tomorrow I change my mind again? Decide to go to Mexico City?"

"Then I'll be right beside you. I'll hold your hand the whole way." Connor said.

"You really mean that, don't you?" Sarah whispered as she stared dumbly at him.

"Of course, I do." Connor lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. He wanted her to hear him, really hear him, "I love you, Sarah. And it kills me that you didn't come to me when you found out you were pregnant. It hurts that you assumed the worst of me when I have never given you any reason to doubt me. Not once, Sarah. I don't understand that."

"I don't - I didn't. We're not ready for this." Sarah mumbled wearily, "You've been placed, Connor. You're gonna be a doctor, an amazing one. Twenty-seven hundred miles away. I won't be the thing that screws that up, I refuse. You'll be working eighty-hour weeks minimum, you won't have time for a relationship, much less a kid. I didn't want you to know. It's why I cut the cord. I walked away. I was just supposed to be another girl in your past."

He scowled, eyes darkening, they were going in circles again, "And I told you that you don't get to make that choice for me. You don't get to decide what is important to me. You can't honestly think that I was going to let your breakup attempt happen without a fight. Just another girl? Are you fucking kidding me? We've been together for almost two years."

"I was giving you a way out." Sarah huffed and continued before he could reprimand her for that act, "I don't want us to end up like our parents. I don't know how to be a mom. I think I'll end up like mine and I don't want that. I don't want either of us to be like my dad where we decide that our lives would be better if we just walked away. And I don't want you to be like yours."

Connor rubbed tiredly at his face as he bit back a few choice words for her. They were getting nowhere, "Sarah, do you want this baby?"

Her breath hitched at the direct question before she admitted, "...No."

"Okay," He swallowed tightly, "Okay. I'll make arrangements for us to go to Mexico City."

"No." Sarah blurted, wincing as his jaw tightened and he stared at her.

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. I don't know." She babbled, panicked because she didn't know. She thought she had. She had a plan, but then Connor had shown up at her apartment and she couldn't get on the plane. That had to mean something... right? "What do you want?"

Connor blinked because he wanted... It was then he realized he didn't know either. He had been so outraged that she hadn't let him, that she had assumed to know what was best for him that he hadn't given it much thought. Expectations dictated that he step up and take care of her and his child and he had no problem doing that but did he actually want a child? He hadn't stopped to think about it. What her having this child actually meant.

His silence uneased her. Her mind whirled and Sarah didn't realize how much she had worked herself up until she was kneeling in the bathroom. What little was in her stomach heaving out like a battering ram. She thought she'd be used to this by now. Almost two weeks of morning sickness. She was so done with it.

A warm hand brushed against her shoulders before her hair was pulled to the side and a cool damp cloth pressed onto her neck. It settled her stomach almost instantly.

"I called downstairs. Toast and ginger ale are on the way up." Connor murmured, handing her some water.

Neither sounded particularly appetizing, but Sarah knew she needed to eat something. She rinsed her mouth out and collapsed against him miserable, "Can we just build a time machine and go back seven weeks ago?"

Connor's lips twitched faintly as he rubbed at her back, "I wouldn't trust either one of us to figure out the logistics of that. I will say that you in red lace for my birthday seems to be the gift that keeps giving."

"What?"

"My birthday." Connor said as if it explained everything, "It was seven weeks ago. You wore the red lace number as part of my birthday gift. We weren't completely safe that night if you remember."

"Oh my God." Sarah mumbled as that night came roaring back, "The condom..."

"Yeah..." A sad laugh bubbled from his lips, "Guess you were right - it really only does take one time."

"Don't. I should have made you get another one when it broke. This is on me." Sarah sighed, but snuggled closer to him, "I don't want to regret this. It's so big."

It was big. Too big.

"It took both of us. Neither of us had the best role models for parents. I know I can be a better father than my dad." Connor said softly, "I think you'll be a better mother than your mom – if only so our kid doesn't experience any of what we did growing up. We keep this baby, I'm not going anywhere. That's something my mom didn't have. Dad wasn't there for her or me or Claire. It's something you and your mom didn't have either. This kid won't be raised by one parent. It'll be us. We'll be a team."

"You want the baby," Sarah said softly.

"I don't know. Part of me does and part of me doesn't. You're right we're not ready." Connor whispered as he met her solemn stare, "I know I don't want to wonder: what if we had had that baby? What if...? I think we'll both regret it if we don't have it."

They sat in silence after that. The cold tile of the bathroom floor cooling their respective moods. They only moved back to the bed when room service arrived and Sarah found herself eating her toast under Connor's intent gaze. Her ferociously protective boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend...Boyfriend.

"Do you have any tests this week?" Connor asked as she sipped at her ginger ale.

The question was so out of left field that Sarah had to pause. School had been an afterthought the moment she had left the clinic last week. Slowly, she shook her head, "No... not till next week. Most of my classes are holding review sessions this week. Why?"

"There's a courthouse up the road. We can get a marriage license today and find out how long the waiting period is. If it's longer than a couple days, then we can hop on a plane to Vegas and be back here by next Sunday." Connor said simply, but he had that look. The look she had seen on many occasions when he had already decided what was going to happen, he just needed to figure out how to get everyone else to bow to his wishes.

The last time that look had been directed at her, Sarah had missed two of her midterms and ended up on a road trip to Mazatlán, "I didn't say yes."

Connor smirked, "I didn't actually ask."

"Connor," Sarah warned lowly as she felt another hysterical bubble swell within her. She hadn't been lying when she said she just couldn't earlier.

"Not fun to be left out of life-altering decisions, is it?" Connor intoned lightly, thumbing through his phone as he looked up the legalities of getting married in Mexico.

He met her glower unflinchingly and she barely managed to container a swear as Sarah realized he was being perfectly serious, "Don't you think we should deal with one life-altering decision before moving on to another?"

"I am." Connor answered as he waved his phone at her. At least with this he could make decisions and choices - he had a certain amount of control with a wedding that he didn't have with her pregnancy, "Courthouse. There's a shop nearby where I can get a suit and you can get a dress."

"Connor -"

"It won't be flashy, but neither one of us is particularly flashy. I kind of like the idea of eloping. Much more intimate."

"Connor -"

"We're getting married, Sarah. It's not a what-if or a maybe. This is what I want. I want my ring on your finger, I want my name to be your name – Hell, I'll take your name if that's an issue, as long as we have one name." He crawled on the bed next to her, "You know me, Sweetheart. How often have I changed my mind once I've made it up?"

"Never," Sarah sighed, still glaring balefully at him, "And what if you choosing me is a decision that you'll regret?"

Connor shook his head, pulling her legs over his lap, "Never gonna happen. You may make me absolutely insane sometimes, but I would always choose to have you a part of my life than not. I love you too damn much to ever regret this."

Sarah didn't quite believe him, but she did believe in his stubbornness, "Are those your vows?"

"Are you saying yes?" Connor countered; a faint smile beginning to pull at his lips.

"You never asked," Sarah said, flinging his earlier words back at him.

"Ohh haha." Connor huffed, a sarcastic tint to his laugh before he gestured to the box next to her, "Alright, hand it over."

When she didn't move right away, he twitched his fingers impatiently. Sarah rolled her eyes, but carefully passed over the mused box only to see Connor pop off the lid and toss the cardboard aside like it was trash. A blue velvet jewelry box fell into his palm and her heart lurched into her throat at the sight. Suddenly, this felt all too real. The faint traces of playfulness among her irritation she had been feeling disappeared and she quickly covered his hand before he could open that box.

"Connor, we need to figure out what to do about this baby – depending on what happens, your feelings could change." Sarah whispered; she wouldn't trap him to her. She wouldn't.

But Connor was more than willing to trap her to him.

He gently dislodged her hand and flicked open the box. Sarah gasped as she caught sight of the ring, making Connor smirk as he caught sight of her gob-smacked expression. It was a simple cut diamond ring, an antique from the twenties that was elegant, but quirky in a way that reminded him of Sarah. He had found it by chance, half-ready to call Claire and ask for her help in getting a look at the family rings when it had caught his eye.

It was perfect.

He tugged the delicate piece from its perch as he pulled her hand to him, "Sarah Lillian Reese, my pain in the ass girlfriend. Will you put me out of my misery and do me the honor of being my wife?"

Connor slid the ring onto her finger before she could answer. A silent declaration that he would not be deterred from what he wanted. She scowled mildly at him before her attention strayed back to her hand, "Connor -"

"Say yes, Sarah." He urged, his sapphires silently pleaded with her.

She slowly nodded and Connor grinned wide, "Yes, yes...but -"

"No buts," Connor replied his smile instantly dimming.

Sarah held her hand up to pacify him, "Long engagement."

"If by long you mean forty-eight hours then yeah, we can have a long engagement." He agreed because that was how long they would need to wait once they got a license from the courthouse which they would need to do soon. The courthouse was only open for a few hours on a Saturday.

"Connor, in the past twenty-four hours I've broken up with you. You figured out I'm pregnant. We've fought like cats and dogs. I tried to board a plane to Mexico City to get an abortion and we've absconded to Puerto Vallarta where we've rehashed most of our original fight and you've proposed. I've cried enough tears to fill the Pacific, I'm exhausted." Sarah rehashed, "I do not have the energy to process a wedding right now and I have one more condition."

"Sarah -"

"And if I don't get this then you can take your ring back." That shut Connor up instantly as he waited for her proclamation. Sarah fidgeted nervously before she curled her hand into his. The squeeze of his fingers was a welcome relief, "You have to promise me that we won't become our parents. You won't ignore me or walk out on me... and you can't let me ignore this kid because I don't know what to do with it. And- and don't let me ignore you or walk away from you."

It took a minute for her words to process, but Connor couldn't contain his glee as his gaze wildly searched hers, "I can promise that, besides I think I'm off to a good start with that last one already... Sarah, does this mean we're keeping it?"

"I don't want to wonder what if either." Sarah whispered, "...Is that okay?"

"Yes." Connor said stolidly, his smile soft as he tilted her head up, "It's more than okay."

His lips found hers as he quietly conveyed his love and excitement. Sarah melted into his embrace as she felt some of the weight she'd been carrying disappear.

He rested his head against hers, "Okay, you can have seventy-two hours."

"You're insane."

"You're marrying me. What does that say about you?" Connor retorted before his smile dimmed again and she felt his sudden censure, "Don't you ever try to leave me behind like this again, Sarah. Something big like this you come to me and I'll come to you."

Behind his excitement and his joy, Sarah could still see his anger. He was furious with her and he had every right to be, but somehow he was still here. She nodded weakly, knowing that not pushing him away was going to be difficult, but she would try - she'd try for him, "You're gonna have to help me."

"We'll help each other." Connor answered softly, he knew this wouldn't be a struggle just for her. They were both too independent at times, she just happened to pull the trigger on this particular bullet first.

Sarah quirked a half-smile before she disappeared from his arms again. Connor blinked as the sounds of retching filled his ears again and he was reminded of the reason they were here again.

Oh Jesus, he was going to be a dad.