Deadlines & Bedtimes

She needed to make a decision.

Her deadline was only a few days away.

Sarah sighed and toggled back and forth between her options. The glow of her laptop was beginning to give her a headache, but she couldn't bring herself to look away from the screen. She barely even heard the familiar noises of her family as Connor put Callum to bed. Elowyn had long been asleep. Only the low murmur of her husband reading their son a bedtime story droned in the background. It was a soothing ritual for her as much as Callum, but other matters occupied her now.

She wasn't a surgeon. She didn't have the confidence for that discipline.

She wasn't sure she was a general practitioner or an emergency medicine doctor. She didn't do well with people. She never had... It was a minor miracle that she was married already. Hell, Connor had been her longest relationship even before their marriage and that was fully down to the fact that her stupidly extroverted husband had adopted her hermit introverted self and was far too stubborn to walk away from her.

Sarah sighed... Pathology seemed a good fit.

She checked the box for pathology and then spent the next ten minutes imagining working down in the labs at Gaffney. She crinkled her nose as she pictured working next to Joey all day. Not that she minded the laboratory specialist, she had some of her most fascinating medical discussions with him. Connor was still a little weirded out by the debate on the infectious disease he had sat in on during lunch a few weeks ago. It was just that Joey had a tendency to forget that she was married. She was still dealing with the awkwardness of turning down his offer for dinner. The ask only made more awkward by occurring in front of a baffled and amused Connor.

She unchecked the box.

"What's the matter?"

"Hmm?" Sarah's head jerked up to find Connor standing before her. She must have been staring at the screen longer then she thought.

A frown marred his features as he gazed at her curiously, "You have annoyed face. What's the matter?"

Sarah grimaced at him and rubbed tiredly at her neck, "I don't have annoyed face. I have tired face. I think it's bedtime for me too."

Conner didn't quite believe her and reached down to tip her laptop back to get a glimpse of her screen. She soundly smacked his hand from her computer, but not before he saw the application titling. He arched a brow; it wasn't like his wife to wait until the last minute to get something like this done. She made her pro/con lists up ahead of time, had her selections decided, and filed the proper paperwork... but he also knew that decisions for a specialty had a way of changing during that final year of med school and they had talked more than once about where her interests laid.

"Deadline's coming up," Connor murmured as he slumped next to her on the couch.

Sarah snapped the laptop shut with a huff, "I'm aware."

"No longer leaning towards pathology?" He tried to ask in a passive tone, but Sarah heard the thin strand of glee that he couldn't contain.

She sent him a mildly reproachful look, but her heart wasn't in it, "I'm definitely not going into surgery."

"Ouch, mean. I think you'd make a great surgeon." Connor murmured as he reached out to draw her foot into his lap. She was tenser than a brick wall. He pressed his thumb into her sole and watched as her eyes fluttered shut and she fell back onto the cushions. Her grateful moan at once made him smile and quell the need to press into other areas of her body.

"Pathology makes the most sense for me. I've always said I'm a lab person" Sarah mumbled as she relished in her foot massage, "Plus I'll get a regular eight-hour time schedule which works better with the kids... Especially since we haven't hired a new nanny yet and Downey has you working the worse hours in the world."

"It's getting better. I'm home tonight. There's also the fact that lab work would be less stress on you which is a good thing right now." Connor acknowledged as he stared worriedly at her belly. She was still in the first trimester, but he wasn't keen on his pregnant wife standing for hours on end as she figured out her role as a first-year resident.

Figuring out her maternity leave and how that would affect her standing as a resident was another obstacle that they would need to overcome too.

Sarah viewed him through slitted eyes as she murmured grudgingly, "You've always had the best timing when it comes to knocking me up."

Connor pressed on a particularly sensitive spot, making her hum contentedly as he sent her a winning smile, "Sorry, not sorry. It takes both of us to create our little monsters, you know."

"Still blame your overly fertile sperm." Sarah grumbled, "Every time we've conceived has been when I'm off my birth control and by some strange event the condom becomes an afterthought or breaks."

"My overly fertile sperm would be useless if you didn't have such a hospitable and accommodating womb. Your ovaries practically hold a welcome banner." Connor tossed back amusedly because he knew how much it exasperated Sarah that none of their children had been planned for – it drove the control freak in her absolutely nuts.

A begrudging smile twitched at her lips, and she rolled her eyes, "Maybe I shouldn't put in for a match this year. It'd probably be better if I wait. Stay home and take care of the kids. Callum will be in first grade come Fall, and Ellie will start Pre-K which leaves me at home with the baby."

There was a note of resignation in her voice that Connor didn't care for as if her fate had already been decided. He knew that as much as Sarah loved their children and as amazing a mother she was, she had never wanted her life defined by parenthood. But that was the thing – being a mother had consumed her, just as being a father had consumed him. He had turned down lucrative fellowships all over the world because he refused to be away from his family, and he refused to make Sarah's path to being a doctor any more difficult by moving them all over the place. Adding difficulty by having more kids was another matter entirely, he stood firmly in the camp that it was only half his fault.

"If that's what you want to do, we can make that work," Connor said slowly as he thought through the logistics of it all.

"But?" Sarah prompted because she knew him.

He shifted his attention to her other foot as he carefully chose his words, "This baby will likely be born around the same time that Callum was... maybe a little sooner since we didn't conceive this one on my birthday. Your residency would likely start a little after graduation. We had what? Four weeks after my graduation to get settled in Seattle. So, assuming the same, you'd get almost your entire first year of residency done before the baby comes. Of course, the length of your residency will depend on what specialty you'll choose. I don't know if putting off matching for a year is the best plan."

Sarah muffled another groan because that just took her back to her original problem, "I don't know what I want to do. Tell me what I should do."

"You already know what I'm going to tell you," Connor said as he gazed at her pointedly. They had had this discussion numerous times already. A few had actually ended in arguments, "I've never thought you were a lab person, but if that's really what you want because that's what you want and not what will be easiest then fine. Pick that, Sarah. I think you'd be happier treating people, seeing the change you can make, but that's just me. You need to figure out what you want, and I can't do that for you."

A mulish silence followed his pronouncement and, no, she wasn't surprised. Her indecisiveness was making her crazy, "I hate this...I had everything planned, then I met you. I blame you."

If it weren't for the muted twinkle in her eyes the Connor would have taken offense to that statement. Instead, he grinned as he taunted, "You love me."

"I do." Sarah said so seriously that he couldn't help but still as she stared at him, "Turned my entire world upside, Rhodes... but I don't know what I do without you."

Tears sprung to her eyes as she murmured that last bit and Connor immediately softened as he reached for her, "Oh, Babe."

"Sorry, stupid hormones. It's too soon for this." She wiped irritably at her eyes as he sidled his body alongside hers and tucked her close.

Connor secretly loved when she was like this. Sarah didn't typically do emotionally vulnerable unless she was pushed to a breaking point, and he wasn't much better. He hummed nestling his nose to her cheek as he stared at her with big puppy eyes. Sarah giggled at his foolishness but melted as he kissed the corner of her mouth.

"You would have kicked ass without me, but if it helps you turned my world upside down too. And I couldn't be happier about it." Connor slid his hand protectively over her slim waist, "You and the bossy little monsters we've created."

Sarah hummed amused, "Bossy? Ellie or Callum?"

"Both. I apparently made a tragic error when I pulled her nightdress out of the closet after her bath. Your daughter looked at me like I was a moron. Said, Daddy, no. You're making my dress feel sad." Connor recounted, still bemused by the entire encounter, "She huffed at me then pointed to the yellow nightgown that she refused to put on yesterday."

Sarah snickered. It had been a minute since Connor had gone through the full routine with Ellie and she had forgotten to mention a few changes, "I usually pull out two dresses or a dress and top/pant combo for her to pick. She likes to choose now. She didn't want the yellow one yesterday because she wanted to wear the purple one. I told her that she would have to wear the yellow today so it wouldn't be sad."

Connor stared at her nonplused which only made Sarah laugh harder, "Sorry, Baby, I should have warned you."

"How can a night – You know what no." He shook his head, already dismissing the strange shenanigans of his family, "Callum tried to wrangle three stories out of me tonight, and when I said no. He said, fine. Two stories and I owe him ice cream. Like it was some kind of business arrangement."

That was a new one. Sarah's brow furrowed as she grinned, "What?"

"I don't know. I think letting my father watch him yesterday may have warped his brain a little." Connor murmured, worried. He still didn't know what to make of Cornelius as a grandparent. Tensions ran high between the Rhodes men, but Connor couldn't deny that the chaotic duo had his father wrapped around their little fingers.

It was just bizarre.

"You're being ridiculous. Cornelius was only with them for twenty minutes yesterday." Sarah murmured with an arched brow. It was probably the only time she ever saw Cornelius ignore his phone. It was also the only time he seemed vaguely human to her – there was always a sad wistfulness to his gaze when he played with his grandkids.

Connor scoffed, "Don't underestimate him. My father can do a lot of damage in twenty minutes."

"Well, at least he's interested in the kids. More than I can say about my mother." Sarah sighed, "Did you see how excited he was when you told him that I'm pregnant again?"

She had been trying to gather the courage to call Laura and tell her she'd have a third grandchild. Part of her wondered if she should even bother, she still hadn't met the other two. Their entire relationship revolved around an annual phone call now.

Connor bit back his own sigh as he threaded his fingers through her hair. He wanted to tell Sarah that her mother would come around, but that was a lie he had been perpetrating for almost six years now...Even he didn't believe it anymore.

"Come on, Babe." He pressed a kiss to her temple and grabbed her hand, "Bedtime. I wanna cuddle with my girl in a place I don't feel like I'm gonna fall if I shift."

Sarah resisted, "I really should get this stupid application done."

"Do it tomorrow. Maybe talk to a few of the doctors at work." Connor suggested as he continued to pull her from the couch.

Sarah followed him, somewhat reluctantly. She hated having these decisions still looming over her head. She whirled abruptly and snaked her arms around his neck. Connor started but grabbed her waist all the same. It was only as he felt her lips on his neck that he smiled, "Babe...?"

"Distract me." Sarah murmured inhaling his scent as she forcefully drove her stress back. Connor hadn't been home for a full night in over a week. She missed her husband, and this was one stressor she could alleviate, "I've missed you."

Connor wrapped her hair in his fist as he pulled her head back. His eyes met hers, "Missed you too."

He claimed her lips in a bruising kiss and the couple stumbled their way to their bedroom. It was only as they crossed the threshold that Sarah pulled away from him to disrobe. She froze as her fingers skimmed the hem and her eyes landed on their bed. An exasperated sigh left her as she let her shirt fall back into place.

Connor was bemused by the sudden change in her demeanor until he followed her gaze. Nestled in the middle of their bed a mass of curly brown hair peeked from beneath their covers.

Ellie.

The parents exchanged knowing glances, but it was Connor who moved first, "I got her."

"You'll wake her," Sarah whispered.

Connor didn't have a chance to reply as a timid voice cried from the hall, "Mommy?"

Connor choked on a laugh and shook his head at her as she turned on her heel and headed for their son. It really was a mystery to him that Sarah was pregnant again at all.