Becoming who we were meant to be
2: Unknown battleground
Karin Kurosaki attempts to open her eyes, but the brightness of what she can only assume to be sunlight forces her to squeeze them shut and shield herself. She breathes in. The air is hot and suffocating. She manages to peel an eye open and takes notice of the hard, dusty ground beneath her. Her vision falls in and out of focus when she tries to glance at her surroundings—her head spins, as though she's landed smackdown in the middle of the desert, and is already suffering from dehydration. As if triggered by the thought, she suddenly struggles with an unbearable itchiness that claws at her throat and causes her to cough, her body jerking with the spasms.
The cough eventually dies down, but the desperate need to drink water does not. Karin blinks, trying to center herself and focus her vision. Slowly, it seems to regain its clarity. Trading shade for support, she presses her palms to the ground and steadily pushes herself up, on her knees, then on her feet. She can barely make out her surroundings. The air is too dry, and the warmth of the sun is too strong. Out of the corner of her eye, she notices a tiny building, and a darker alley. She succeeds in putting one foot in front of the other, but almost loses balance in the process. It's only when the radiating heat no longer burns her skin that she knows she's made it and can finally open her eyes wider without going blind. Karin uses the wall to stabilize herself, trying to regain composure. Where the hell is sh—
And then it all comes back to her.
The car crash. The pain. The blood. Yuzu crying. The chain in her own chest. Her father's eyes as he understood his daughter had just lost her human life. Ichigo's anger; the sorrow in Rukia's voice. Everything she said about this place…Rukongai. Ichigo's sword touching her forehead.
This has to be it... Rukongai.
Karin's breathing quickens, a psychological response she instantly tries to control before it gets out of hand. Freaking out isn't going to help her in any way right now—she needs to focus, analyze the situation, stay sharp. At least, one of her main worries is settled; she didn't forget. The memories of her human life are still hers.
She glances lower and notices her attire. Instead of her black yoga outfit she's wearing beige linen clothes made up of a long skirt and a sleeveless shirt. She touches the material in between her fingers, and it feels rough on her skin, as does her ink-black hair—which she notices is now full of dust. She breathes, wiping beads of sweat that pearl on her forehead.
Seemingly out of nowhere, a child appears on the other side of alley. He stares at her. He looks incredibly young, no more than ten years of age, and is dressed in clothing similar to hers save from the pair of ruptured sandals on his feet. Karin only now realizes that she's barefoot. Her stomach drops upon meeting his eyes—he hasn't moved an inch, and there's something peculiar on his expression. Boredom or…malice?
The dryness in her throat hurts when she swallows. She attempts a smile. "Hey there..." Hoarse. "Do you know where... Are we in Rukongai?"
The boy doesn't move an inch, and suddenly he's giving her a smile that seems off. Empty. Unwell. Then, without a word, he turns to leave.
"Wait! Which district is this?!" Karin yells and hears the desperation in her own voice.
The boy's vanished before she can even move a muscle.
"I'm going to see Ukitake-taichou," Rukia says as soon as they step out of the Senkaimon, doors closing behind them. "I know he'll understand-hopefully grant me permission to take some of our men to go search Rukongai."
Ichigo glances around and quickly recognizes the 6th Division's quarters. He turns back to Rukia, frown set in stone. "Can't lieutenants carry out those orders?"
"That's not how it works. I have to check with my captain if I want to take a large number of soldiers."
"I'm gonna skip on tea and chitchat." At this, Rukia halts. "I can search on my own."
Ichigo suddenly whips in the opposite direction.
"Ichigo, don't be stupid." He does the exact opposite; doesn't listen and walks away. "Ichigo!" Rukia yells after him, but within a second he shunpos out of her sight; gone.
Rukia bites the inside of her cheek in anger. Damn it, she thinks, but right now she cannot afford to go after him. She needs to stay focused on the objective at hand. She needs to speak with her captain. Without another thought she takes off, the grass whistling beneath her flashing steps. She crosses the Seireitei's streets until she reaches the 13th Division's captain headquarters. Standing in front of Ukitake's office, she takes a breath before knocking three times.
"Ukitake-taichou," she calls out. "I apologize for disturbing you on such short notice. I have important matters to discuss with you."
Ukitake is quick with his answer. "Come in, Rukia."
She slides the door open and steps in, bowing slightly. Ukitake sits at his desk, doing paperwork. He smiles at Rukia's formality and scratches the back of his head. "Rukia," he dismisses with a gesture of his hand. "You know you don't have to be so formal with me."
"Forgive me, sir. Habit."
Ukitake laughs quietly and sits back in his chair. "So, you said you had important matters to discuss?"
Rukia nods and regains a straight face and posture, joining her hands behind her back. "It's actually…concerning Kurosaki Ichigo, sir."
Ukitake arches a brow-Rukia knows the name alone is enough to pique his curiosity. "One of his sisters, Kurosaki Karin, was involved in an accident earlier today in the world of the living, and…" she forces herself to finish her sentence. "She didn't survive. Her reiatsu is high, considering she's been able to see souls and hollows ever since she was a child, so we had to perform Konso quickly." Rukia pauses. She didn't exactly have time to figure out what she was going to say before getting here. "Ichigo is already on his way to Rukongai. I'm asking for authorization to take out a few of our soldiers to help search for her."
Rukia suddenly feels foolish, demanding such a thing to a captain for personal reasons… Soul Society might've learned loosen their inflexibility over the years, but that doesn't mean centuries of Academy training, Noble lifestyles and Seireitei rules don't leave a mark. Rukia clenches her fists.
"I… I am aware that this is not how we normally-"
"You may," Ukitake cuts in.
Rukia looks up. "Pardon me, sir?"
Ukitake smiles, the sympathy evident in his eyes. "I give you authorization. You may take with you as many men as you need," he clarifies. "I'll send a message to the 7th Division. As you know, they have troupes patrolling in Rukongai." He begins to write on a piece of paper. "Karin, you said her name was?"
"Yes, sir."
"And what does she look like?"
"Long black hair. Grey eyes. About 160 cm tall," Rukia answers.
The captain nods, his eyes going back to hers. "I'll send this to the 7th immediately. You should go help them," he says, reassuring.
Rukia bows, because she really she can't help it. "Thank you, Ukitake-taichou."
"I barely did anything, Rukia. Ichigo, on the other hand, saved all of us." His expression sobers. "This is the least I can do. Tell him how deeply sorry I am. For him and his family."
The sincerity in his voice hits her like a brick, and before she knows it, she's bowing again. "I will. Thank you, sir. For everything."
Rukia turns on her heels and exits the office, heading straight for the training grounds of the 13th Division.
"Fuck!"
No matter how hard he concentrates, Ichigo cannot locate Karin's reiatsu, which most likely means she's still far away with her fate hanging in the balance. Two hours have already passed since he started his search. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack-no matter how long he searches, there's no guarantee he'll even come close to finding her. Glancing around, Ichigo notices a few fearful looks coming from people of the village, or rather, district, and he grits his teeth, trying to calm down. Maybe going off on his own was a mistake, but he can't afford to waste time on regrets.
Worry crawls in Ichigo's pores as he sees the sun setting over the horizon. He grips Zangetsu's hilt harder, positioning for another shunpo to his next destination, District 10 of North Rukongai, when a hell butterfly suddenly lands on his hand.
Karin blows a wild lock of hair away from her face, watching the sunset. Part of her is relieved that she won't have to stand under that unbearable heat for much longer- she found herself longing for her go-to black baseball cap all day-but she can't ignore the anxiety that creeps up on her at the thought of spending a night out here, without any idea what surrounds her or where she even is.
And knowing she hasn't encountered anyone except for that one boy is enough to send shivers down her arms, despite the heat.
Karin, again, has to pause to catch her breath. How can the simple motion of walking make her pant as if she'd just run a damn marathon? Is it normal for her to be this weak? Is it Rukongai's doing, or a side-effect of dying? She doesn't know how long it's been since she's woken up, but figures it has to be a matter of hours. Karin cranes her neck to the right where she makes out, far away in the distance, wooden houses and buildings. She starts moving again, slowly, but...
She can't help but wonder if it would be wiser to try to find people, or on the contrary, try to avoid them.
And there's nothing she despises more than being clueless.
Upon reaching the area she previously spotted, Karin stops and holds her breath, trying to hear something, anything. Dead silent. She resumes walking and decides to investigate around for a place to rest before it gets any darker. With luck she might even find water, or some food, but that's wishful thinking. She looks around. Everything is made out of wood and straw. All abandoned, from the looks of it. The buildings are not actually houses, but rickety stands and markets designated to sell goods. Maybe there's a chance someone left some food behind.
But as she gets further down the street, the condition of the buildings exponentially worsens. And with it, so does Karin's hunger. Her stomach claws at itself-it's like she hasn't eaten in days, which makes absolutely no sense. The thirst, in turn, turns her gums dry and tacky. Karin licks her lips, hissing when she finds them cracked and stinging at the touch of her tongue. Desperate, she turns to scavenge the piles of old wood, searching for anything she could ingest, but it isn't long before the exhaustion hits her and she has to stop.
With the sun now gone, a perfect half-moon rises in the sky, blindingly white but not enough to illuminate the night.
Karin can't afford to deplete her energy any more than she already has; her priority will be to find a place to rest.
She spots a narrow alley in her peripheral vision and decides it will have to do. Secluded, dark, hopefully good enough to provide safety while she closes her eyes. It's like her body knows what's coming, like when you have you pee and the need doubles as you near the closest bathroom, because her legs are starting to shake, ready to give out any second. Finally she rounds the corner, then lets herself slide down the wall with a heavy breath.
Karin closes her eyes. It's suddenly so quiet, she almost finds it peaceful. The hunger and thirst drift to the back of her mind as serenity envelops her, the familiar hug of slumber, and she feels herself relax-
Tug. Feet hit the ground next to her. Karin jumps.
"Who're you?"
In an instinctive defence mechanism, Karin's eyes fly open as she holds her hands in front of her. She blinks, but it's so dark she can only make out a vague shape in the shadows. She waits for her vision to adjust, her heartbeat erratic.
It's the same little boy she saw earlier.
She sees him squint in the darkness, and then he widens his eyes, as if he's recognized her, too.
"It's the same girl I saw before, Kaito."
He's not alone. Karin desperately wishes she could tame the fear that's gripping her. Her eyes follow the faint movement of someone behind the little boy-it's an older boy, perhaps in his late teenage years. But this guy is not standing, he's sitting on the ground with his back against the wall, just like she is. His hair is long and slick, falling over his face, eyes sharp as he studies her. Then she notices-
One of his leg is amputated at the thigh region.
"Ah," he breathes. "So, you're new here, huh?"
Karin doesn't move, and she barely even breathes. The kid is bending over her, now too close for her taste. She recalls the unsettling smile he gave her earlier today and she feels herself swallow. She has to speak, she has to answer.
"I…" she tries and her voice is steadier than she expected. "I guess…I am," she manages to answer. The kid backs up, and Karin slightly relaxes. "Where is here, exactly?"
The kid scoffs loudly, just like before, there's a hint of a smile playing at his lips. Karin turns her attention to the other guy, who keeps his eyes on her, the expression on his face one of... pity.
"Rukongai," he answers. "East. District 72."
Seventy two, she thinks as her heart drops in realization. The lower districts, which means…
…You'll have to fight for your life, Ichigo's voice resonates in her head.
"I see," she whispers.
The teenager stares. "I'm guessing by your reaction that you know it's pretty bad."
She doesn't answer, and looks down at her feet. "Where is everyone else?" she finds herself asking instead.
"Goneeee," the kid sings and there's a strange playfulness in his voice.
"They moved to the southern limit of the district," the older boy explains. "This area was attacked by two guys that were threatening to burn down everything."
While there's no denying the seriousness in his voice, there's a certain distance from it-as though this isn't an unusual occurrence.
"That's…horrible," she says, mostly to fill the silence.
The kid laughs, and the older one suddenly looks amused. The sudden shift startles her. "Sweetheart, a lot of things are horrible around here." She changes her mind; silence is preferable over this. "You got a name?"
She hesitates. "Karin."
"Ah. So, you remember it," he whispers, though he might be talking to himself.
Karin can't bring herself to scoff. "At least there's that."
The teen shakes his head slightly, eyes lost in memories she cannot see. "Believe me, remembering is worse."
Silence falls over the three of them, and Karin's unease grows by the second. She has no idea if she can trust these people, and while her gut yells at her that she shouldn't, the thirst is back with a vengeance, yelling behind bars, demanding to be heard.
"Do you guys have water? Or…something to eat, maybe?"
The both of them freeze, and the teenager slowly turns to her. "You're hungry?"
"Starving, actually."
No one answers, not for a long moment. Karin begins to regret asking-maybe they don't want to share any of their supplies, or maybe they have none-when suddenly they make eye-contact, coming to an understanding that doesn't involve her.
"She'll become one of them." Their eyes weigh on her. "Sorry, sweetheart. But for us it's kill or be killed."
Karin's blood freezes in her veins. She's caught in that dreadful moment where seconds tick by, and all you can do is stay still, unable to react. Before she can move the teen nods to he young boy who immediately smiles-wide, distorted, fucked up-granted some kind of permission he appeared to be waiting for.
He pulls out a sharpened rock, shaped like a knife, and licks his rounded teeth.
Karin's stomach twists in horror and she jumps to her feet, running for her life as she hears the mad boy's laughter echo behind her.
"I sent him a hell butterfly nearly an hour ago," Rukia says and she hears the frustration in her own voice. "The idiot still hasn't shown any sign of where he would be."
"Rukia," Renji replies. "It's Ichigo. A grieving Ichigo, at that. Can you say you're surprised?"
Rukia sighs as she buries her hands in her hair. "I know. But you should've seen the look in his eyes..." She bites the inside of her cheek. "He didn't trust me."
Renji's eyes soften. "Hey, if there's one thing I know, it's that the guy would put his life in your hands before anyone else's." Pause. "He'll turn up, don't worry." His hand on her shoulder is meant to be comforting, but Rukia avoids his eyes. He drops it. "I wish I could join the search, but I got mandatory squad training tonight..."
"It's ok," Rukia says. "Thank you."
He offers a smile before leaving. "Believe me, if she's anything like her brother, she won't go down easy."
It's forced, but Rukia manages to smile back.
"Kuchiki-fukutaichou." Rukia turns to her division's fifth seat, standing with one arm tucked behind her. "We searched the districts 50 to 80 of West Rukongai. I'm sorry to report no trace of Kurosaki Karin as of yet."
Rukia nods, as this was the answer she was unfortunately expecting. She looks up at the moon-it's like it's smiling at her, taunting her.
"The 7th division has a team patrolling down South Rukongai," the fifth seat continues. "They said they'll let us know if they find someone that matches her description."
Rukia reiterates the search plan. "Keep the same search parties. Continue looking for souls with high reiatsu. Send me a hell butterfly if you get any new information."
The subordinate nods and shunpos away.
Now that night time has settled in, Karin will be even harder to find. Rukia feels like she's wasting time, just standing there waiting for Ichigo to pop up. She should get moving-search for Karin herself. Her thoughts get cut short as she feels a draft of air on the back of her neck. The feeling in her gut tells her she knows exactly who this is.
"Rukia."
She quickly shoos away the relief, instead hardens her expression as she turns to face Ichigo Kurosaki.
"Idiot," she hisses, frowning. "Don't go running off without telling anyone where you're going. For all we know we could've been searching grounds you've already covered."
Ichigo looks tired. Worn out. The anger in his eyes seems to have subsided. "I shouldn't have... I'm sorry." The hard lines of Rukia's face soften a little, and he inhales. "I suppose you haven't found her either?"
Casting her eyes down, she shakes her head.
"Where did you search?" she asks him.
"First nine districts of North Rukongai. Not a single trace of her reiatsu."
"We have soldiers searching West Rukongai now as we speak, and the 7th has a patrol in South," Rukia explains. "I gave them a description of Karin, and they're searching for souls with relatively high reiatsu."
Ichigo doesn't react. That's when Rukia realizes he's losing hope-letting despair take over.
She can't let that happen.
Rukia straightens herself. "That leaves us North and East, then. We'll be more efficient if we double our forces."
Through her eyes, she speaks. "We'll find her Ichigo. Don't lose hope now."
He nods.
"Yeah. North it is."
Karin's heart is banging in her ears, blood pumping through her veins as she runs faster than she ever did. Her lungs hurt with every shallow breath she takes, and her eyes desperately scan her surroundings for a place to hide. The little boy is still at her tail; she can hear him laugh. Karin cannot feel her legs, but her feet burn as if they're on fire, scraping against the hard and rocky earth every time she pushes against the ground.
She quickly glances behind; thinking she might be outrunning him. Her legs are much longer than his and even though he's not giving up, the adrenaline keeps her going, allows her to ignore the striking needles of pain hitting her from everywhere. Her will to live will not relent.
If only she can find a place to hide, she might still have a chance at escaping; at survival.
She catches something out of the corner of her eye. A small forest.
She instantly shifts her feet and runs towards the trees, glancing behind her once more. There's no sign of the child, and if she wasn't panting so hard she'd actually let out a breath of relief. Karin makes it into the forest-she doesn't stop until she's found a tree tall that's leafy enough for her to climb and hide in. When she finally does, the dusty ground and destroyed pillaged village are no longer in sight. She doesn't waste time in grasping the branches, one at a time, and pushing herself up with all the strength and adrenaline that is left in her arms and legs, again and again and again, until she is high enough. She climbs on the largest branch, thick and straight enough to hold her weight, and drags the rest of her body onto it, finally allowing her muscles to relax. Karin tries to quiet her breathing, straining her ear for any noise that may or may not indicate her imminent demise.
It's painful. A sort of suffering she never felt before. One she didn't know existed.
Wearing a prey's skin.
She shifts her body straighter on the branch and flinches at the sharp pain on her left foot. She looks at it and notices her feet are covered in bloody cuts and pieces of burnt flesh. Her hair is wet as it touches her shoulders; her skin covered in sweat. Karin breathes in, and out, in, and out. Silence is loud in her ears, but it's a relief. Adrenaline begins to slowly wear off, and the pain soars.
A tear rolls down her cheek.
Reviewed and edited on 19/03/2023