Becoming who we were meant to be

3: Screaming your name

Ichigo breaks out of shunpo, his sandals creating a flash of dust as he urges his feet to stop. He tries to control the fit of panting that's forcing him to open his mouth to breathe, and his hands drop to lean on his knees. A bead of sweat falls down his eyebrow and he squints, still fighting to catch his breath.

"Ichigo," Rukia says as he sees her feet land right next to his. Her chest is heaving slightly with her breathing and her forehead is also covered in sweat, but she keeps her composure with ease. "Slow down. You've been using shunpo too many times to count and your body can't handle much more."

"I'm fine," he grunts as an answer and looks at her from the corner of his eyes. "You've used it just as much and I don't see you struggling for breath."

Rukia nearly rolls her eyes. "What do you think I've been doing for the past six years, sunbathing? I've trained, Ichigo. You, on the other hand, haven't stayed more than an hour at a time in Shinigami form since you were eighteen," she tells him and he narrows his eyes. "Your body is out of practice."

Ichigo grits his teeth and clenches his fists as he stays silent. He's feeling weak, and he goddamn hates it.

Rukia studies him for a second then her eyes soften as she sighs and turns around. It's still dark outside but a halo of yellow and pink far away tells her the sun is about to rise. They've been searching all night, feeling for Karin's reiatsu faster with the two of them working as one. Yet, not a single hint of the twenty-year-old was found and as Rukia herself could feel the fatigue growing deeper and deeper into her bones, she knew Ichigo had to be feeling a lot worse.

"We're in district 25," Rukia says. "If ever she's in one of those remaining districts, the risk of something happening to her is extremely minimal." Rukia turns back to Ichigo. "We should move to East Rukongai."

Ichigo raises his upper body straightens himself. "What about West and South," he says, his voice stiff.

"The 13th division soldiers I sent reported a couple dozen souls with high reiatsu, none of them were Karin." Rukia knows Ichigo is up to date with the reports of her subordinates, but still, she repeats it.

"Yeah, well, who says I can trust what they're doing." Ichigo says and the hardness in his tone almost unsettles Rukia.

She narrows her eyes and stares at him. "They're helping you, Ichigo. The least you can do is not diminish the duty they trained so hard to carry out."

"They're helping because you ordered them to, Rukia. Not because they want to!" he snaps back at her and Rukia sees the anger build up in his eyes.

There is no time for this right now.

Rukia doesn't say anything else and instead, swings around, hand on Sode no Shirayuki's hilt.

"District 80. East Rukongai. Let's go," says says in a cold voice and without another word, Ichigo watches her shunpo away. It only takes him a small breath before he does the same, following closely behind.

"Rennnnjiiiii," Rangiku Matsumoto mewls as she drops herself on the man's back. "What do you say we go drink tonight?"

Renji turns his head slightly to peek at her, then frees himself of her weight. "Sounds like you're already drunk, Ran. And it's like seven in the morning."

She blinks at the sudden loss of warmth and sighs, flicking her long hair off her shoulder. "Barely," she replies. "So, it's a plan?"

Renji stares down at her and shakes his head. "Can't. I just finished squad training and I'm going to the 13th barracks now."

Rangiku puts a hand on her hip, blinking. "Thirteenth?"

"Yeah. They sent nearly fifty soldiers last night to search Rukongai," he explains, then his gaze becomes serious. "Ichigo's sister…died. In the world of the living."

Rangiku widens her eyes. "What?" she speaks and her voice is sharp and quiet.

"I haven't heard anything new, so as far as I know, they're still looking for her out there."

Rangiku stays silent, her eyes keen as she stares at the ground. "Which sister is it?" she suddenly asks.

Renji blinks and scratches the back of his neck. "Karin. The one with black hair, I think," he answers. "Anyway, I'm going down there right now to help them search."

"I'm coming too," Rangiku adds quickly and Renji stays surprised by the seriousness on her face. He knows Rangiku well enough to know when she's joking around and when she's not. He thinks about asking her why she's so affected by the news but then decides maybe it's none of his business, and nods at her.

"Okay."

The sun is high up in the sky and beams down hard in the afternoon heat of Rukongai, causing sweat to drip down heavily down Ichigo's back.

"Is it noon already?" he asks and scowls at the blinding light.

"Seems like it," Rukia answers as she takes a deep breath in, hoping to chase away the feeling of suffocating. Her shinigami attire feels heavy then. It rarely does.

Ichigo sighs in irritation and closes his eyes, focusing as much as he can to try and feel for Karin's reiatsu. His ears phase out the noises around, even the sound of his own breathing, and all he sees is white. For a long, long moment, nothing happens. He feels every bit of reishi within him scanning the air for one and only person. He senses the wavering reiatsu of a few souls, but none of them are his sister's. Ichigo frowns deeply and is about to open his eyes once more when suddenly, something twinkles.

Something that seems incredibly far away, but nonetheless, fluctuates in a way that makes his gut scream this is it.

His eyes fly open and he takes a step back, as if a wave of freshwater has just been washed over him.

He snaps his head to the side. "Rukia!" he yells.

And her eyes are wide open too, like she's just woken up from months of hibernation. "I know," she instantly says with resolution. "I felt it."

"It felt so…small, though," he murmurs and his voice trails off.

"That's because she's not exactly here," Rukia answers and Ichigo hears the hope revive in her voice. "But she's close. You keep searching this district, I'll go to the next one."

"Wait, Rukia!" Ichigo calls out before she can flash step out of his sight. "What if one of us finds her?"

Rukia thinks for a second before answering. "If you don't find her, meet me in district seventy-two."

Ichigo nods in agreement and Rukia turns around and starts running, using what is left of her energy to shunpo here and there, until she knows Ichigo's far away and she's setting foot in district 72 territory.

And this time, Rukia doesn't even have to concentrate to feel Karin's reiatsu glowing, stronger and clearer as she runs. Her heart is beating fast in anticipation; she's getting closer. Rukia's feet are moving faster and faster as she let her soul follow that familiar blue glow of spiritual energy, and it feels like following the light of a flame in a desperate need to escape the darkness.

Rukia stops for merely a second only to notice she's entering a forest and she's running, faster, faster, faster, faster.

Until Karin's reiatsu is loud and unmissable, and she feels her presence in the air all around her.

Rukia is breathing loudly and spins around, again and again, looking at every corner on the ground and in the bushes. She doesn't see anyone. She doesn't see Karin.

"Karin!" she yells desperately. Even though there's no guarantee she'll still remember who she is, in a burst of hope, Rukia cannot help herself.

"Karin!" she screams once more, her voice piercing through the thick air.

"R…Rukia…?" the faintest sound of her name reaches her ears and Rukia nearly breaks her neck as she turns around and looks up. Her eyes widen as she catches the sight of Karin, partially hidden by leafy branches, high up in a tree.

"Karin," she exclaims and a wide smile spreads across her face like fire catching on paper. Relief blooms in her stomach and all she wants to say is Thank god because Karin is there, she's alive, and she remembers. "Are you alright? Can you come down?"

"I..." Karin murmurs in a dry voice. "I…think so."

Karin grabs the trunk with her hands and brings her legs around it, as steadily as he can, but the fact that she is struggling is evident.

"Let yourself slide down slowly, I'll catch you," Rukia tells the twin as she extends her arms and gets close to the tree.

With shaking legs, Karin eventually manages to bring herself down and Rukia catches her. She puts her as gently as she can on the ground, and does the same, resting on her knees.

"Rukia…" Karin whispers. "Thank god," she breathes out and tears fill up her eyes quickly then start falling down her face, one by one. Rukia immediately wraps her arms around her and hugs her as Karin silently cries, and something in Rukia breaks in half.

"It's okay, Karin. We found you," she whispers and she wants to repeat it, over and over again. We found you. We found you. We found you.

Karin stays in her arms, tears flowing quietly. Rukia realizes… She had never seen Karin shed any tears before this, before what happened to her. Her throat tightens and she strokes Karin's hair in silence. Right now, this is probably what she needs the most.

When Karin backs away, Rukia notices her lips are dry and cracked open, and her skin is covered in sweat and dirt. Rukia is about to open her mouth when she suddenly feels that unique and distinctive reiatsu emanate somewhere close. Closer, and closer.

Ichigo.

She turns her head just in time to see him appear in a flash, panting and eyes wider than ever. She smiles at him with her eyes and steps out of the way, helping Karin get on her feet.

"Karin," he whispers and in less than a second he's made his way to his sister and is hugging her against him. "Thank god," he breathes out and the frown that's been set on his face ever since she died finally melts away, replaced by the purity of relief.

"Took you long enough," Karin tells him in a throaty voice, a hint of a smile on her face.

Ichigo stares at her and smiles, a wide, teeth-showing smile. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Chiyudou number 5: Kire no Kizu," Rukia murmurs her kido spell, her hands emitting a golden light around Karin's feet. The girl flinches, then slowly relaxes as the pain in her flesh starts to subside, leaving behind a feeling of pins and needles.

She's sitting up on a thin mattress, and has to admit, after the twenty-four hours she just had, this feels like heaven. Ichigo and Rukia brought her in what seems to be some kind of nurse office, right outside of the Eastern Gate of the Seireitei. Or so they say. She takes another large sip of water from her cup and sighs.

"So, after outrunning him you hid in the tree?" Ichigo asks Karin after she'd just told them about what had happened. From the moment she woke up, to a few hours ago, when she heard Rukia's voice screaming her name. She nods, eyes staring at the ground.

Ichigo frowns. "Still… A kid running after you with a sharp rock… That's so messed up. What did he think he was gonna do after catching you?" Ichigo says more to himself than to anyone else.

"Honestly, probably beat me to death with it," Karin answers straight away, and there's an unusual hardness in her tone. Ichigo's frown deepens. "I considered the possibility that maybe they wanted to scare me more than actually hurt me, but…with the way they spoke, I seriously doubt it."

Rukia looks at Karin, then lowers her eyes back to the feet she is currently trying to heal. "It's my fault, Karin. I should've told you that only people with high reiatsu get hungry in Rukongai. I just…never thought you'd become hungry that quickly."

Karin blinks at her, and shakes her head. "It's not your fault, Rukia. If not these guys, it would've been someone else that would've tried to kill me."

They all remain silent and Rukia understands and knows that Karin is right. The lower districts of Rukongai were and still are horrible, violent and crime-infested places. Nothing's changed in that regard, she thinks with sorrow. She finishes her healing kido technique and grabs the bandages next to the bed, proceeding to bandage Karin's left foot, then her right. Karin gives her a thankful look, to which she answers with a smile.

"So… What now?" Karin breaks the silence, eyes going up to look at her brother.

Ichigo lets a quiet breath escape, and he seems deep in his thoughts. He gets up from the bench where he was sitting and shoots a look towards Rukia.

"Rukia, can we speak for a minute?"

Rukia frowns slightly at him, and so does Karin. "Ichi-nii," she says using his old nickname. "If there's anything you need to discuss, say it in front of me. I can handle it," Karin says with determination.

"She's right, Ichigo." Rukia adds.

Ichigo stares at Rukia, and he knows he's not gonna win this one. Especially if they're both standing against him.

"Fine," he replies half-heartedly. "She needs a place to stay, at least until I get the rest…figured out," he says, his eyes speaking to Rukia only.

Rukia narrows her eyes at him. She knows he's planning something in his head but for some reason doesn't want to share it with Karin. She probably shouldn't force him to spit it out now, after all, she doesn't feel like it's her place to do so.

Rukia turns her head to Karin. "You can stay in the Kuchiki manor. Most of the rooms are unoccupied anyway." She smiles at her and Karin blinks in response. Rukia then turns to Ichigo, as if she'd just remembered something important. "I'll send a hell butterfly to Ukitake-taichou and the 7th division," she tells him. "Let them know we found her."

Ichigo nods and Rukia walks away, then steps outside of the room.

"Kuchiki…manor?" Karin repeats, incredulous.

Ichigo scoffs. "Yep. There's a lot of stuff you have yet to learn about the Kuchikis," he says.

"Kuchikis?" she asks. "As in…plural?"

"Unfortunately, so," he replies with an irritated grin and he swears, practically hears Zangetsu snigger, somewhere deep within his inner world. When Karin gives him a curious and questioning face, he scratches the back of his head. "But that's a conversation for another day," he answers.

"Hey," he adds soon after, before Karin can start asking more questions. "I'm gonna go ask Rukia to send a message to Urahara as well. To let dad know we found you, and that you're okay."

Karin's face briefly falls at the mention of their father, but she doesn't let it show for long and nods at her brother. "Okay."

Ichigo turns around and walks out of the room, then through the hallway before he exits the building. He steps outside and looks around until he sees Rukia a few meters away, a hell butterfly flying off her finger and into the air.

"Rukia," he says and she turns around. He doesn't say anything else and as he walks up to her and looks at the horizon, where once again, the sun is about to start setting. Ichigo closes his eyes, and breathes in and out, slowly. It's been so long since he's been in Soul Society, he almost forgot how genuinely nice the light of the late sun could feel on his face. Rukia stays silent, eyes lost somewhere far away, too. At this very moment, with the orange sky over his head and Rukia standing next to him, he gets a feeling that unsettles him in the most unexpected way. Home.

"You think you could arrange a meeting with Yamamoto?" he suddenly asks.

Rukia freezes, he can tell, but she doesn't turn to look at him. This is one of those moments, he thinks. One of those moments where their silence communicates better than their words can.

"If you want to meet with him, he will probably call a captain meeting," she answers. "It's about Karin?" she asks but makes it sound like a statement.

"I'm gonna ask them to let Karin pass the entrance exam of the academy."

This time, Rukia cannot stop her head from turning in surprise. She studies Ichigo's features, silent. He closes his eyes and opens his mouth again. "And in return," he continues. "I'll accept their offer."

Rukia's eyes widen on their own, and her lips part. "Ichigo, what-." she murmurs but before she can continue Ichigo interrupts her.

"I told you, just like I told my father. I am not leaving her to live alone in the Seireitei. This is not her world, it's mine. The least I can do is be there to help her through it," he says, set in stone.

Rukia closes her mouth and stares at him. "I understand. But you can't make this decision for her, Ichigo. And choosing to accept captaincy is not something to take lightly. If you accept, it shouldn't be out of obligation, but because you want to."

Ichigo stays silent and avoids looking back at her. After her words are left hanging, Rukia sighs, and turns her head back to look forward.

"A part of me wants it," he says suddenly, his voice low and quiet. His eyes lower, and Rukia doesn't move. "The other part of me was just…I don't know, afraid of hitting the point of no return, I guess."

Rukia keeps her mouth closed, analyzing and repeating his words in her head. "Fool," he hears her murmur, and her voice is softer. "How many times did I tell you to stop being so afraid." She looks at him and his eyes are still fixed on the ground. She reaches over and touches his arm with her hand, in which she's letting him know that it's okay to have doubts, and that no matter what he decides, she'll be there to support him. Ichigo blinks when he feels her hand, neither warm nor cold, touch his arm and he lifts up his eyes to look at her. She gives him a smile, and it's one of those smiles that make him understand what was left unsaid. His lips curve upwards.

He takes her hand and studies each of her fingers, from the white of her skin to the pink of her fingernails. He then buries her hand into his, and without another word, looks back at the horizon. Indeed, in a way he can't explain with words, this feels like home.

"By the way, you sure Byakuya isn't gonna mind having a Kurosaki stay at his house?" Ichigo says and there's a peculiar amusement in his voice.

Rukia grins to herself. "Nii-sama believed I deserved a part of the Kuchiki manor, when I was promoted to lieutenant. He signed away nearly a third of it over to me."

"Wow," Ichigo chuckles. "He sure has become a softy. You know you have him wrapped around your finger, right?"

Rukia can't drop the smile that is lingering on her face, and decides to let it stay put. "Shut up," she replies. Then adds. "The invitation extends to another Kurosaki, you know."

Ichigo smiles, and lets that familiar comfortable silence take over.

"Abarai-fukutaichou!"

Renji and Rangiku instantly stop and turn around at the sound of a female voice. She runs towards them in the Seireitei's streets and catches up to them.

"I just got the order to stop searching Rukongai. The girl was found this afternoon," she says.

Renji breathes out heavily. "Good," he answers as his shoulders slump down. They had come back from Rukongai literally a few minutes ago, after spending nearly the entire day searching West and South, and had found nothing at all.

"Where was she?" the 10th division lieutenant asks the girl.

"In East Rukongai, Matsumoto-fukutaichou," she answers. "Although I didn't receive any information on the exact district. Kuchiki-fukutaichou and Kurosaki Ichigo found her, and she's with them now near the Eastern Gate, if my source is still correct."

Renji sees the tension on Rangiku's face dissipate, and she lets out a long sigh. "Thank goodness," she breathes out.

He turns back to face the 13th division's fifth seat. "Thank you, Tanaka-san, is it?"

The girl widens her eyes, surprised by the fact that lieutenant Abarai actually remembers her name. "Uh-uh…yes, that's correct," she stutters and her cheeks turn slightly pink as she bows. "Abarai-fukutaichou, Matsumoto-fukutaichou."

Matsumoto chuckles as they watch the girl run back towards her division's quarters. She crosses her arms under her chest. "My, my. You're such a smooth-talker, Renji," she winks at him.

Renji widens his eyes before narrowing them and takes a step back. "What the fuck are you talking about, I barely said two words to her," he grunts back, defensive. Matsumoto giggles.

"Whatever you say," she says and waves her hand up and down.

Renji rolls his eyes and suppresses a groan. "Anyways. I'm going back to the sixth. Not sure Kuchiki-taichou is gonna appreciate me disappearing without notice for a whole day," he mumbles, hands in his shihakusho pockets.

Matsumoto blinks, her eyes now humorless as she realizes, now that she knows little Kurosaki Karin is safe and sound, there's only one thing left for her to do. Something pretty much inevitable.

"I'll be going, too," she says. "See ya, Renji."

"See ya," he answers as they turn to face opposite directions.

Matsumoto shunpoes her way to her division's headquarters, her pink scarf fluttering in the air. Once she reaches the captain's barracks she doesn't waste time in entering, sliding open door after door until finally she finds Histugaya Toshiro in his dining room, eating a bowl of cold soup.

"Taichou," Matsumoto coos in her usual tone of voice, entering the room. "There you are."

Hitsugaya's vein snaps in annoyance and he replaces his spoon back in the bowl. "Matsumoto. How many times have I told you to knock," he snarls.

"Take a chill pill, Taichou. It's not like I walked in on you naked or something," she jokes, obviously amused.

Hitsugaya sighs in frustration and scowls. Take a chill pill…what the hell does that even mean, he thinks. Although, he's not entirely sure he wants to know. Probably more of her world-of-the-living-slang.

"When I gave you the day off, I thought you'd spend it drinking," he mutters under his breath.

Matsumoto's tee-hee face then drops as she opens her mouth to speak. "Actually, there's something important I had to talk to you about, Taichou," she says and Histugaya knows her well enough to know serious matters are now at hand.

His aloof expression disappears but his eyebrows remain in a frown. He straightens his back. "What is it?" he says, stern.

Rangiku looks down briefly, her face grim. "Kurosaki Karin…died yesterday, in the world of the living."

It takes Toshiro a moment before the words make their way to his brain and when they do, he gets up from his sitting mat, eyes wide.

"What?" His voice comes out a whisper, but the horror in it make Rangiku's heart sink.

"The thirteenth and seventh had patrols looking for her in Rukongai, and Ichigo also came. I found out this morning and helped searching with Renji. I just got the message that Ichigo and Kuchiki-san found her in East Rukongai. She's with them now," Matsumoto explains, hoping it will be enough to settle down her captain.

For a few, long seconds, Histugaya stays silent. The shock eventually drains from his face and he closes his eyes, eyebrows furrowed.

"You should have told me earlier," he says and Matsumoto feels the air growing chilly.

"Taichou-," she tries to retort but Hitsugaya cuts her like a knife in a block of dry ice.

"You may leave now."

Matsumoto's head hurts, and she closes her mouth not because she wants to, but because she has to. She sighs quietly. "As you wish, sir," she answers and exits the room, sliding the door shut once again.

Hitsugaya doesn't move. Not for a few minutes. After a while he walks up to the only window in the room and stares outside, far, far ahead. His fingers curl up into a fist.

Idiot, he thinks. You weren't supposed to die.