A/N: I know it's been a minute. I've been super sick and only just getting back to the grind. Catching up on everything is taking more time than I expected. Updates will be sporadic for a bit, but updates are coming. Hope you all are doing well. Don't be afraid to comment! Please read and enjoy! Song - Come Undone by Mark Lanegan
It's a Rough Ride II
It had been hours.
She had lost count of how many times the bags had been swapped out on her IV. Mostly fluids, more magnesium... Sarah wasn't sure how much any of it was helping, but Connor seemed to calm as her blood pressure numbers came down. She was still a bit high, but nowhere near as bad as it had been when she had been admitted. The nurses kept asking her if she felt better, but Sarah hadn't noticed a difference. She smiled placidly at them and grunted a yes. Connor was the only one that scoffed at her politeness. He knew her too well. He knew she'd say anything to get the prodding done quicker. No – didn't make the prodding go away.
Currently, he was pacing her room like a caged panther. It was making her dizzy and she didn't need any help feeling like hell.
"I need to get up."
Connor's head snapped up as Sarah reached for the IV stand, "You can't, Babe."
Sarah growled, sweat coated her forehead, making her hair stick in place like a frizzy hairband. She was too hot and too cold, and everything just hurt, "Connor, so help me."
Pale and exhausted, her big brown eyes peered desperately up at him. She couldn't lay there anymore. She needed to stand. Her body was telling her to get up, but Connor was giving her that look. The one that she hated.
Frustrated tears stung at the corners of her eyes again, "Five minutes, Baby. Please."
Connor was already shaking his head, "Sarah -"
"Please."
It was his turn to growl before he nodded raggedly, "Two minutes. Not a second more."
"Fine." Sarah breathed in relief.
Slowly, she shifted to the edge of the bed and wasn't surprised when Connor appeared next to her. His warm paws rested on her sides as she finally stood. Sarah wouldn't admit it, but she was glad he was there. The world spun and rushed, and she knew that she would have fallen if he hadn't been steadying her. She curled around him for a moment. Allowing his musky scent to fill her senses and calm her.
She felt so small and weary, "I love you."
Connor sighed, burying his face into her curls as he felt her heave with quiet tears, "You can butter me up all you want. You're only getting two minutes."
Sarah choked on a laugh, smiling into his chest. She could never understand how he did that – how he could always make her smile even when she felt absolutely wretched. He rocked her gently, keeping his eye on the clock as he did so. He wasn't joking about the two minutes.
Sarah got three, but only because a contraction tore through her torso. Her nails bit into Connor's arms and she could only weep quietly, too tired to even cry out. He scooped her up the second she began to relax and deposited her back on the bed, swearing under his breath as he did so, "No more. You stay in bed."
"Con-"
"I need you and the baby to be okay." Connor fretted as he tugged the blankets around her.
Sarah placed her hand over his and squeezed, "You thinking with your doctor brain or your husband brain?"
Connor snorted, "Same thing right now, Babe."
His lips brushed against her brow, noting how warm she felt – this couldn't be good.
He huffed quietly and pulled back. Sarah knew exactly what he was going to do a second before he actually did it. She sighed, "Connor -"
But he was already walking for the door, "I'll be right back."
Sarah bit back another sigh and fell against her pillow. She was more than ready for this baby to come out of her and if Connor barking at the heels of the doctors and nurses made that happen quicker, then she was all for it at this point.
Her skin shivered and pimpled as she was struck by a sudden harsh cold. It was strange because moist droplets collected at her temples, making her twitch and moan as a chafing warmth settled in her face and chest. This dichotomy was annoying and uncomfortable... just like everything else.
"It's been nine hours."
"Dr. Rhodes."
"Her BP has lowered, but it's still high. She's having contractions. Her water broke two hours ago. Her temperature has been fluctuating. She's exhausted." Connor pressed; arms crossed as he stared down Dr. Harris.
"Connor." Harris barked firmly. He wasn't the first worried father-to-be that she had to deal with, and he wouldn't be the last. Hell, he wasn't even the first doctor either, but that did make him more of a pain in the ass, "Sarah is in active labor. All of this is normal as her body prepares for delivery. Yes, her blood pressure is high, but she's out of the danger zone now. The magnesium sulfate is doing its job. It's not uncommon for this process to take up to twenty hours. I'll start worrying if she hasn't made more progress by her fourteenth hour. We're monitoring her and the baby closely right now. If either starts showing signs of distress, we will be in there."
He growled quietly, trying to control the urge to rock back on his heels. Sarah was miserable and tired and scared – she was so scared. She was fighting it, but he knew his girl. Her confession had done little to ease her anxiety, and that was distress enough in his opinion.
"That's five more hours." Connor said, "She's restless and miserable as it is."
"It may not be five more hours. She could dilate to ten centimeters long before then." Dr. Harris soothed, "You know all of this."
He couldn't control the huff that left him, "It wasn't supposed to happen this early."
His lament only seemed to amuse the obstetrician as she smiled sympathetically at him, "We may have all the latest gadgets and far more extensive medical knowledge than our predecessors had, but a baby comes when a baby comes."
Connor bit back another growl. He hated this, "She wants to get up and walk around."
Harris nodded, unsurprised, "She should. Sarah has been pretty good about listening to her body. She noticed something wrong this morning and she took every precaution. If she feels the need to get up, then she should. It may hasten her dilation."
"But her blood pressure -"
"Is under control. I'm not saying she should run a marathon, but a short walk around her room would be okay." Harris assured as her pager went off. She had another patient down the hall that had just given birth that she needed to check on, "Just keep an eye on her, Papa Bear. If anything changes, I'll be around. I'll check on her again in half an hour."
She left after firmly reassuring Connor once more that Sarah was responding normally to her labor. It didn't make him feel better.
He wandered back into Sarah's room and tried not to frown as her pallid features stared wanly at him. She looked so tired.
"What's the verdict?" Sarah asked quietly as he neared.
"Verdict?" Connor's fingers brushed across her hand, "You're somehow still the sexiest woman I've ever seen. Even if you looked like you want to sleep for a month."
She rolled her eyes at him, even as a smile tugged at her lips, "You're ridiculous."
"What? Finding my wife gorgeous is ridiculous now?" He teased, humming happily as she linked their fingers together.
"Connor..."
He sighed and squeezed her hand, "We're going to be here for a while, Babe. Dr. Harris will be in to check on you soon, but good news – if you still want to walk, we can get you up again and walk."
Sarah wanted to laugh. Now that she had not even an iota of energy, she was allowed to move. She rubbed a hand absently over her belly. As if he could feel his mother's touch, the baby wriggled and kicked. She winced. He had been active for quite some time now and all she wanted to do was sleep.
"Can you get me some more ice chips, please?" Sarah asked softly, she didn't even want that, but she could practically feel the pent-up energy her husband was tightly controlling. Connor was a man of action – he preferred doing, he hated waiting and he latched onto this menial task the way she had expected.
A quick squeeze to her hand and a nod before he disappeared back out the door again.
A stabbingpain ricocheted through her torso again and she groaned. Her stomach rebelled and the acrid taste of bile surged to her mouth. It took far more concentration than she wanted to admit to focus on her breathing and fight off the swell of pain and nausea.
Maybe the ice chips weren't such a bad idea...
If Connor ever got her pregnant again, she was going to kill him.
"Sarah?"
Sarah bit the inside of her cheek to keep back another groan, not sure when she had closed her eyes. She felt Connor's too warm hand brush across her cheek, and she flinched, "Don't - don't touch me right now."
"Another contraction?" Connor asked lowly. His hand dropped to his side as he tried to restrain his urge to reach for her again.
"Mmhmm," Sarah mumbled. When she managed to open her eyes again it was to see Connor tightly gripping the handrail of her bed. Her ice chips were placed on the rolling table hovering over her knee. She hadn't heard him put it down. Her eyelids felt so heavy, "I don't know if I can do this. I'm so tired, Connor."
"I don't think you get a choice, Babe." Connor murmured quietly as he tried not to show how useless he felt, "Tell me what you need."
"Another body." Sarah grouched and glared wearily, "Wish I was a penguin. Then I could make you do all the work."
He cracked a faint smile, "I wouldn't mind that."
She blinked at him again before an amused huff left her. She knew he was being completely serious, and she couldn't help but love him a little more for that, "I know it's dangerous, but you think you could steal some forceps and drag this kid out of me?"
"Don't tempt me." He replied, "If I didn't think it'd hurt you or our son then I would."
Sarah smiled faintly, ignoring the way he suddenly swam in her vision, "I believe you."
"Sarah?"
She blinked feeling fuzzy. A frown began to tug at the corners of her mouth.
"Sarah!?"
Connor's fingers brushed the inside of her wrist, but she barely noticed. Too busy trying to get the room to focus and the sudden ringing in her ears to stop. A muffled moan left her as a hammer slammed into her stomach... at least that's what it felt like...
Connor hit the code button with incredible speed as he shouted into the hall, "I NEED HELP IN HERE!"
His heart slammed into his ribs as he watched Sarah gently sway on the bed. Her usual sharp gaze was unfocused and distant. It took seconds for the room to flood with staff, but it felt like hours to Connor as he gauged her vitals. Her blood pressure had spiked, and her oxygen levels had begun to bottom out. So much for the magnesium doing its job.
"She was coherent and talking a few minutes ago. She had a bad contraction." Connor related before slipping into more specifics about what he had observed. The nurses gently nudged him to the side, seeming to know better than to try and remove him completely from his wife's side.
"Push five milligrams of diazepam and call down to get us an open delivery room."
It took a second for Connor to register those words or who had spoken as he tore his gaze away from Sarah to Dr. Harris. The small woman peered at him grimly, "We're going to have to do a C-section, Connor."
"Diazepam? You think she was seizing." Connor asked stricken, even though he already knew the answer. He may be in his first year of residency, but he wasn't stupid... He had seen all the symptoms Sarah had presented, but he had refused to make that connection. His stomach bottomed out.
He needed her to be okay.
"She had an absence seizure. It's rare, but it happens. We're going to deliver the baby before she has another one." Dr. Harris explained gently as she moved to Sarah's side as the brakes of the bed were disengaged, "Sarah? Sarah? Can you hear me?"
Sarah's brown eyes flickered sluggishly and a mumbled, "Yeah." Fell from her lips.
"We're taking you into delivery. You're going to be given a local anesthetic. We're doing a C-section; natural delivery is no longer an option. Do you understand?" Dr. Harris listened intently for Sarah's response.
A single tear trailed down her cheek and she managed a nod before croaking, "Connor..."
"I'm right here, Baby." He materialized on her other side, slipping his hand into hers, "Not going anywhere."
It was something of a relief when she squeezed his hand back.
"Connor -" Dr. Harris began.
Somehow, Connor was sure that she was going to tell him that he couldn't be in the room with her, but he turned a swift pointed glare at the obstetrician, "Not. Going. Anywhere."
"That's fine, Connor. I'm just going to need you to be on this side when we get into the room. The hook-ups for the anesthesiologist are on that side." Dr. Harris explained before going into a quick rundown of the procedure for the C-section with him.
He was mildly thankful for the briefing. He locked onto the routine that his residency was slowly developing. Deciphering the information, putting it into context for what that would mean for Sarah, for their son... it allowed him to regain some sense of control, even as his anxiety levels went through the roof.
Sarah was ushered into the delivery room at impressive speed. He barely managed to shift to the other side of her bed before the anesthesiologist appeared. Sarah paid attention to none of it but kept Connor locked in her sights at all times. He was her rock. As long as he was here then she would be okay.
A nurse draped a sterile gown over his front, and he quickly tied his scrub cap over his hair
His hand slipped back into hers as he pressed his head to hers, "Hey, you're scaring the crap out of me, Baby."
"I'm just having a picnic over here." Sarah whispered raggedly as she tried to ignore the sharp bite of frightened tears, "He needs to be okay, Connor."
"Working on it... but so do you." Connor whispered back, "I can't do this without you. I love you too much."
"Love you too," Sarah mumbled before he eased a hand underneath her to leverage her into a sitting position. A sharp pinch captured her attention, making her wince. The spinal block had been placed.
"Alright, Sarah, you're going to be numb from the waist down. You won't be able to move your legs, so don't panic. Connor is gonna keep you talking. Make sure you're doing okay." Dr. Harris explained as sterile pads were placed around Sarah's belly and a divider erected beneath the curve of her breast. Sarah couldn't see what was happening, and gradually the sensation of the nurses' prep began to fade away as the spinal block took effect.
"How you doing, Babe?" Connor asked, taking a seat just above the head of her bed. His arms reached over her shoulders for her hands again, crossing them over her chest in a strange reverse hug.
A second later she felt his breath against her ear as he nuzzled closer to her, "M'okay."
"Truth, Baby." Connor demanded quietly, "Dizzy?"
"Little." Sarah murmured reluctantly, "Scared."
"I know, I know." He pressed his lips to her temple, "Headache?"
"Little. Feel sick." Sarah said. Her eyes flickered shut as she leaned as much as she could into Connor's touch, "Sing to me? I like it when you sing."
"You just want me to embarrass myself in front of my colleagues," Connor murmured ruefully, smiling as Sarah snorted faintly.
"I'm the one naked from the waist down with twenty pairs of eyes looking at me." She retorted dryly.
Connor eyed her divider thoughtfully as he whispered in her ear, "You think I should be upset about that? I think I'm the only one who's supposed to see you naked."
"Connor..." Despite her exasperated huff, he could still hear her amusement... and her exhaustion.
"Alright Sarah, you're going to feel pressure and maybe some tugging, but that's normal."
"...Okay." Sarah managed to croak out louder than she and Connor had been speaking.
Nerves made her fidget, but then her body didn't respond the way she expected, and a panicked breath left her. Her grasp on Connor tightened.
"Sarah?"
"My legs-"
"You can't move them right now, remember? It's normal." Connor said gently.
Sarah drew a flustered breath, "Right...Right."
She muffled another gasp as that pressure she had been warned about descended on her pelvis. It was uncomfortable... the word of the day. And odd.
"I stumble and I fall, your time is on my side." Connor began to sing quietly, startling her slightly as her focus fell back on him, "Don't make sense of it all, despite my foolish pride."
Quiet tears trailed down her cheeks as she listened to him. Connor was here. Everything would be okay.
"It's got me on my knees, tearin' up my heart
I'm shakin' at my bones, tearin' me apart."
Beeps of the monitors echoed steadily, helping him keep rhythm as he sang. To Sarah, the noise of the delivery room fell to the background as his icy gaze stayed locked with hers. She could ignore the tugging and the pressure. She could do this.
"When I can't get close to you
I come undone, I come undone
Come undone, babe, I come undone."
"How are you doing, Sarah? Any nausea?" The anesthesiologist asked quietly.
"Some," Sarah answered vaguely, not taking her eyes off her husband. Connor brushed his lips against her temple as he carefully watched the anti-nausea medication filtered into her IV. He hummed lowly, waiting to see how Sarah responded to the medication before he began singing to her again.
Neither was sure how much time had passed before Dr. Harris was announcing, "Alright we're pulling the baby out."
"Already?" Sarah murmured.
She squeezed Connor's hand as she subtly nudged him to stand. He didn't need much incentive to look. He watched in awe as his son was pulled from his mother's belly and breathed his first breath. A startled cry echoed through the room and Sarah squeezed his hand again. She felt... felt empty... and cold.
"He's beautiful, Babe. And gross." Connor said, laughing slightly as she tried to pinch him. A few of the nurses chuckled as well.
"You want to cut the umbilical, Papa Bear?" Dr. Harris asked.
Connor peered down at Sarah in askance, wanting to make sure she was okay before he moved. She nodded slightly at him. She could see how much he wanted to, and she'd be fine. She tried not to shiver. She wanted to see her son.
The surgical snips fell familiarly into his hand, but Connor couldn't help but hold his breath as he sliced through the cord connecting the boy to his mother. His nerves abated as his son continued to squall and wriggle just as he had been... His son.
His boy was here...and so precious. He couldn't stop staring.
He should have.
"Sarah?"
Connor looked up at the urgent tone the anesthesiologist had used to call for his wife. It was their only warning before the heart monitor began to blare in alarm. His gaze turned wildly. Her BP was falling rapidly.
"Sarah! Babe!" He called frantically.
Dr. Harris wasted no time in returning to her incision sight, "Her placenta must have pulled away from the wall. She's bleeding out. I need the room. Connor, I need you to go with your son."
"No!" Connor barked, already moving past the divider to get to his wife. Sarah's eyes fluttered as she edged toward unconsciousness... At least he prayed it was unconsciousness because he could not contemplate the alternative, "Baby, you need to stay with me! Sarah!"
Sarah groaned lowly.
"Come on! Baby, please!" Connor's throat tightened as he watched the light begin to dissipate from her big brown eyes. He was losing her. He could see it.
Then he heard it.
The blaring alarm turned to a flat shrill ring. A ring he knew all too well – her heart had stopped, "Sarah!"
Strong hands grasped his arms and pulled him back, moving him away from his wife. His wife who needed him. His wife who wasn't breathing, "GET OFF OF ME!"
He didn't register the divider being torn away or the paddles placed on her chest. It took three of the orderlies to pull him from the room. His last image of Sarah was of her body jostling from the shock of the defibrillator before the door shut on him.
This was his fault.
Sarah...