Becoming who we were meant to be
5: Translucent
The first thing Ichigo hears when he wakes up is birds chirping. The first thing he feels though, is the warmth of the sun on his face, and something nudging at his arm.
He groans as the nudging gets harder and annoying enough to cause him to move. He opens his eyes, and sees, half-blinded by sunlight, a very unpleased Byakuya Kuchiki.
"Uh…" Ichigo mutters in a rusty just-woke-up voice.
"Should I even ask what you, Kurosaki Ichigo, are doing sleeping on my roof?"
Ichigo rubs his eyes as he sits up in a rush, glancing at his surroundings. It takes him a confused moment to realize he probably fell asleep on the roof last night, and was, apparently, left there. Damn it, Rukia. Suppressing a yawn, Ichigo shakes some dirt off his shihakusho as he gets up.
"It's uh…a long story," he manages to say, hoping it'll be enough of an explanation to satisfy Byakuya. He's not counting on it though.
Byakuya's features harden even more, and he looks down at Ichigo's feet. He lifts his head back up, his eyes ready to kill. "You left a trail of dirt on it," he comments.
Ichigo frowns and looks down to see a trace or two of dust where his feet were. He wants to roll his eyes, but sighs instead. "It's a roof. Last I heard, it's not meant to be clean."
Byakuya narrows his eyes and Ichigo can practically hear him think. Insolent.
"Plus," Ichigo adds quickly. "Isn't this part of the mansion under Rukia's jurisdiction now?"
Byakuya doesn't budge, and Ichigo fights back the smirk tickling at his lips. "Rukia is a Kuchiki, she knows what is proper and what is not," the older man replies.
"Yeah well, I'll see about that with her directly, if you don't mind," Ichigo shrugs off as he starts to walk away. "See ya, Byakuya."
As Ichigo jumps off the roof, Byakuya Kuchiki is left with closed eyes and a scowl. "Still as barbaric as ever," he mutters to himself.
After his two feet hit the ground, Ichigo spots a partially opened door and enters the manor once again, walking through vacant hallways until he hears a voice. He stops, and makes out two distinctive female voices, deciding to move towards them. The voices get louder and easier to recognize as Ichigo finally pops his head inside a large room, one he can only assume to be a dining room when he sees Rukia and Karin facing each other at a low table.
He frowns as he walks in the room, and Rukia's eyes jump to him. "What are you guys doing?" he asks as he plops down next to Rukia, noticing the fuming cups of teas and bowls of steamed vegies and white rice sitting on the table.
Karin instantly rolls her eyes sarcastically. "Surfing, duh," she barks back and Rukia quiets down the laugh that nearly choked out of her with an amused smile. Ichigo stops but barely narrows his eyes. An answer like this would normally piss him off just the right amount to bring back, or intensify, his scowling, but in that particular moment he feels relief falling over him. The Karin he knows has always been one to deliver sarcastic answers, and although she's surely had better days, a part of her is resurfacing. It's only been three days since the…accident happened, and although she's probably faking some of it, it feels nice to know she might actually be doing okay.
"Eating breakfast," Rukia clarifies, as if further explanation was necessary.
His stomach growls at that very moment, and Karin smirks at him, which he decides to ignore. To be honest he hadn't thought about food until now, but the feeling of emptiness in his digestive system suddenly feels too overwhelming to ignore.
"Could I get one of those?"
"No need. Take mine," Rukia intercepts as she slides her bowl over to him. She brings her cup of tea to her lips and takes a sip. "I was full," she adds and Ichigo accepts the bowl by taking it in his hands.
Karin studies the interaction between the two as Ichigo picks up chopsticks and digs in the rice dish. After a few bites, he frowns again and eyes Rukia from the side. "By the way," he starts. "Thanks for leaving me to sleep on the freaking roof."
Rukia shrugs. "What did you expect me to do?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe wake me up or something," he growls sarcastically.
"For your information, you didn't want to wake up," Rukia huffs back. "And I wasn't going to drag your lazy ass off the roof just so you could sleep on a mattress."
Ichigo scowls and turns back to his dish. "Yeah, well, Byakuya found me and I'm pretty sure I managed to piss him off, yet again."
Rukia blinks in answer, giving him a tell-me-in-what-way-this-is-my-problem vibe. She finishes her beverage in one last sip and gets up before Ichigo can add a single word to the matter.
"Where are you going?" he asks loudly before she can make her way out of the room.
"Squad training. I also have to talk with Ukitake-taichou, reports to write, and paperwork to validate," she states as she grabs her katana and ties it to her waist. She then looks up at Ichigo, her eyes a few shades more serious. "About the meeting," she starts, and Ichigo's not sure if she's purposely bringing it up to pique at Karin's curiosity and force him to start answering questions. "Let me know before tonight."
Ichigo swallows at the weird look Karin shoots at her bowl of rice. Probably wondering whether this is about her or not, and not knowing whether she should involve herself. He nods once at Rukia and her eyes speak to him. Common grounds.
"Karin, help yourself to anything you need," she says and smiles as she meets the young woman's gaze. Karin thanks her and smiles back before Rukia disappears into the hallway. Karin can't help but wonder what Rukia's going to do all day, in fact what everyone here does all day. She had mentioned squad training, reports and paperwork. What that actually meant was completely unknown to her, and it surprised her how much she wanted to find out what it entailed.
"So," she says turning to her brother who was had his eyes focused on a grain of rice. "Can you answer my questions now?" she asks.
Ichigo stops chewing, then resumes and swallows before giving a small, sharp sigh. He must've been expecting this part, or rather dreading it.
She arches a brow to urge him to answer and he pushes his now empty bowl to the side. "Fine," he complies.
Karin hesitates, and something prevents her from letting that usual grin take over her lips. "Why are you so hesitant about answering my questions?"
Ichigo stares at the table for a few seconds, and she feels like he's trying to avert her eyes. "I…don't want to overwhelm you with all this new stuff."
Karin feels her mouth go dry, and takes another sip of her tea before clearing her throat. "I understand," she sighs, and there's a thin frustration in her voice. "I mean, I can't say all of this isn't…overwhelming," she picks the same word he used. "And I've been feeling torn between wanting to find out more about all of this, and wanting to steer clear of any new information that could make me go bonkers." She pauses, and frowns as she sighs again. "But it's not like I can ignore it. I'm here. What happened, happened. Nothing I can change about that. So I guess the only left for me to do is learn to live with it."
Ichigo watches the intent on her face, and he sees it as clearly as he hears it in her voice. He smiles slightly as he realizes how strong of a person his baby sister has grown into. She was always stronger than he was to begin with.
"Alright," he murmurs. "I'll answer anything you want to know."
Karin puts down her cup of tea and takes a second to think, and place the words in her head as if preparing for a game of scrabble. "What do people do here?"
Ichigo eyes jumped to hers in surprise. He had expected her first question to be different, really different. He relaxes a little, and before he can answer, Karin continues.
"Urahara-san explained the basics, you know; bodies die, shinigamis jump in and send souls to that…place," the word feels sour in her mouth and she can't bring herself to call it by its actual name. "But that's in the human world. What about the shinigamis living here?"
Ichigo bites the inside of his cheek lightly, unsure exactly how much he should say, or rather, how much he's allowed to say. He's always been shit at summarizing and explaining stuff, and it's not like he's the Seireitei's number one advocate either. "This place is where the Gotei 13 lives. Shinigamis are basically divided into thirteen divisions that assure protection and order in Rukongai and in the human world." He pauses, and Karin stays still, eyes burning into him with both interest and anxiety. "Each division has soldiers, seated officers, a lieutenant and a captain, and focuses on a specific type of skill, although, I really don't know much about the actual organization scheme here."
"A specific type of skill?" Karin asks, brows straightening.
"Yeah," Ichigo answers with a nod. "There are different skills a Shinigami has to learn, and a few divisions are known to be specialized in a certain skill, for example the eleventh specializes in fighting and in close combat."
Karin's eyebrow twitches in curiosity. "What are the other squad's specialities?"
"Eh…" Ichigo hesitates as he instinctively scratches the back of his head. "To be honest I don't know much about it myself, you should ask Rukia about that kind of stuff."
If he's being honest with himself, the fact that Karin has known about shinigamis ever since she was eleven and has kept her mouth shut and her questions to herself all these years kind of surprises him, impresses him even. Would he have been in her place, his patience would've hit a brick wall much, much sooner. That he is sure of.
Karin doesn't waste time before she carries on with another question. "Are you part of a squad?"
This question catches him off guard, and for a moment he stays still, thoughts of captaincy flowing through his head. He tries to push them away, or at least, for now. "No, I'm not. Technically I've never been a true Shinigami; that's why they called me a Shinigami substitute."
"Substitute? You were in charge of protecting Karakura Town against hollows, weren't you?"
Ichigo unconsciously swallows and slightly narrows his eyes. "I was. For a few years."
Karin senses the touchy subject and decides not to dwell on it. "But, how did you even…become a Shinigami in the first place?"
Ichigo takes a moment to bite his tongue faintly, and for some reason he feels himself growing more fidgety. "Urahara never told you?"
Shaking her head, Karin crosses her arms on the table and looks back at Ichigo, eyes full of genuine curiosity. "No, he always said it was something for you to tell me." Ichigo sighs in response, mentally cursing the disguised shopkeeper.
"Can we keep that story for another day?"
Karin frowns, her gaze unwavering. "Why does it always come back to you not wanting to tell me stuff?" she throws at him not through a question, but as a fact.
Her brother shakes his head as a hint of a crease starts to form on his forehead. "It's not that, it's just…a very long story. Look," he continues when he notices her frown deepen. "I promise I'll tell you the entire story one day, but we have more urgent stuff to discuss for now."
Karin fights back a frustrated groan, but silently knows she has to agree with Ichigo. To force too much onto her in one day probably wouldn't do her any good. Plus, it's not like she's on a tight schedule here. Karin pushes back the bitterness in the pit of her stomach and focuses on appeasing her growing curiosity instead.
"Fine," she breathes out, her next question already threatening to come out. She bites her lip before spurting it out, and glances at her surroundings. "Is everyone here so…wealthy?" she asks in a low voice, afraid of sounding judgmental.
Ichigo scoffs, and he realizes how his little sister truly does not know anything about Rukia Kuchiki. "No," he answers with a laugh. "Rukia is part of the Kuchiki clan. Nobles. Rules, pride, wealth, all that stuff."
"Oh. Wow," Karin breathes out, letting Ichigo know she hadn't been expecting that. "And I'm guessing from what she said before that she has an older brother?"
Ichigo nods. "Kuchiki Byakuya."
"The one you pissed off by sleeping on the roof," she finishes, drawing out conclusions.
Ichigo smirks as he clicks his tongue. "That's the one. To be honest I'm not sure how he would react to meeting you."
Karin stays silent, eyes lost somewhere else as thoughts and wonderments about the mystery that is Kuchiki Rukia flow through her head. "Talking about Rukia," she lifts off again, head turning back to Ichigo. "With the way she was talking, it sounds like she has many responsibilities," she pauses for a second and remembers a detail she had completely forgotten until now. "Plus, she had people looking for me yesterday, didn't she?"
"Yeah," Ichigo answers in a soft voice. "She's the lieutenant of the thirteenth division."
Karin lets her shock escape as her eyes widen slightly. "Oh-" Her mouth opens again, and Ichigo thinks she's going to add something but at the last second decides not to. He studies her expression and smiles out of the corner of his mouth. "You know you should really talk to her, I'm sure she would have better answers to your questions," he suggests again.
"Hm," Karin hums in agreement a few moments later. "I guess I could."
It wasn't a secret to anyone that Karin liked and had always liked Rukia. Even back when the woman was hiding her true identity, Karin always felt like she could be trusted, for some unspoken, unknown reason. And it seemed the more Rukia Kuchiki's real persona revealed itself, bits by bits, the more Karin became certain that she should count herself lucky of having someone like her in her life.
"I should at least thank her," Karin whispers, dead serious eyes fixed on the table. "She's done so much for me. Still is."
Ichigo smiles again, and something warms up in his amber eyes, like a crackling fire of early autumn. "I'm sure she would say there's no need to thank her," he says, amused and soft.
Karin understands her brother's gaze not a second later. This expression on his face, the message in his eyes, is something she hasn't seen on him many times. She smiles knowingly as her eyes move towards a large, opened window.
She wonders if she'll ever be as amazingly selfless as Kuchiki Rukia.
For a couple of minutes, the siblings stay quiet, both wrapped up in their own thoughts as the morning sunlight shines brighter and brighter. The soft breeze of May enters the room, bringing in the delicate smell of grass and cherry flower petals. Ichigo breathes it in, letting the comfort soothe the uncertainties in his mind. When he turns his head back to his sister, there's an insecurity on her face, and Ichigo knows questions are fighting for release again.
He notices her swallowing and he can help but do the same, out of nervousness, fear, or apprehension, he has no clue. A grave sheet falls over their heads, pushing down with an unidentified force.
Karin blinks once, slowly. "So," she starts and even though she might be trying to act carefree, it isn't working at all. "What's next for us?"
The words ring in Ichigo's ears. What's next for us…
Us.
He inhales and forces his breath not to get stuck in his throat. Fuck. Why does he have to be so bad at serious conversations. He decides for now, to blame the genes from his father.
"I asked Rukia to arrange a meeting with the head-captain. To discuss your…options," he struggles with the words, mentally cursing at his communication skills.
Karin frowns. "Options?" She asks, and Ichigo opens and closes his mouth, and nothing comes out. Karin hits her hand on the table, startling him enough to look at her.
"For fuck's sake Ichigo, just tell me. I can handle it already. In case you forgot, I died a few days ago. This is all I've got. So, fucking shoot."
Ichigo's features form into a deep scowl as her words are left hanging in the room. Maybe she's right, he thinks. Maybe he has to stop babying her.
He crosses his arms over his chest and strengthens his back, his pupils constricting. "Okay. You have two options. The obvious one is you stay in Rukongai, and build a life there," Karin flinches in the slightest way, which he ignores. "The only other option is you join the academy, and become a Shinigami."
Anger, fear and hope flicker through Karin's widening eyes, but her mouth doesn't form any words, or any sounds. Becoming a Shinigami. The thought had occurred to her, obviously, along her teenage years as she hung out at the Urahara shop, but back then it seemed like an unrealistic dream. Something impossible. She was a human girl, and that was it.
It would be a lie to say she never fell asleep in her bed, thinking about becoming as strong as her brother to fight and protect the ones she loves.
But that was a just a ridiculous child's fantasy.
The thought of becoming a Shinigami had entered her mind once again after Ichigo and Rukia found her in Rukongai, but she had pushed it away quickly, afraid of so many different things at once. Afraid of getting her hopes up. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid of being stuck in the same place, for eternity. Afraid of becoming someone that wasn't her. Still, in the end, she didn't think it was even physically or technically possible for her to become a Shinigami.
And now that the option was being presented to her, her mind was rumbling like a goddamn mess. Forcing herself to understand that her human life was gone forever hurt. But if she was stuck here, for the rest of her life, wouldn't it be better to at least have a purpose?
Karin swallows the dryness in her throat before speaking. "Can we…take a walk or something?"
Ichigo stares at her, and it's obvious he's trying to figure her out, to figure out what he could say, and what he shouldn't. She feels bad about forcing him to turn his life over just to deal with her and her shit. Maybe she was a little too hard on him. After all, none of this is his fault. If anything, it's thanks to him and his connections that she actually has other options than wait for her second death in Rukongai.
"I need air," she adds softly when he doesn't answer. He seems to hesitate for a splint of a second, before he nods his head once.
"Okay. Sure."
He gets on his feet first and she follows behind, both silent until they're standing outside and walking, grass eventually being replaced by ceramics.
Ichigo stops then and looks at her. "We might run into people," he lets her know.
She nods her head at him. "That's okay."
He nods back in response and they start walking again, approaching streets, pathways and numerous, smaller-looking buildings. Buildings that look very different from the Kuchiki manor, Karin mentally takes note of.
As they make their way to more populated streets, Karin can't help but notice the few confused stares thrown at them. She follows their eyes and realizes they're looking at Ichigo, almost as if recognizing him. He doesn't seem to notice. A few of them look at her curiously but the focus remains on Ichigo, and she can't help but wonder what his relationship with this place truly is. What role does he have here? He must have made some sort of impact for people to look at him like that. All that Urahara, who was surprisingly not talkative when it came to serious matters, had told her was that he had saved them all.
Saved them all…
In what way? She promises herself to learn the entire story, one day.
Karin suddenly jumps when a loud thud resonates and a puff of dust is lifted off the ground, which she tries to wave away from her eyes as she coughs. She looks up and sees the guy that just landed in front of them get up from his bent position, smirking. He's wearing Shinigami clothes, like everyone walking around here, has a hand on a red katana, and not a single hair on his head.
"Yo, Ichigo. I heard you were back," the guy says.
Ichigo shots him an irritated look. "Ikkaku. Did you really have to give me a freaking heart attack?"
The guy smirks wider but stops when he notices Karin out of the corner of his eye. He looks at her up and down, a light frown on his face. Karin narrows her eyes.
"And that is?" he asks Ichigo.
"My baby sister," Ichigo answers. "Karin, this is Ikkaku Madarame. Ikkaku, Karin," he introduces them quickly.
"Oh, right. I heard about you," he says and Karin tenses in shock at the fact that the news of her death traveled like some kind of gossip, but also relaxes at his tone. He's being unusually nonchalant, and it makes her feel comfortable, if that even makes any sense. "Heard you landed in district seventy-two, that shit place sucks hard," he tells her as he looks at her, arms crossed over his chest.
She grins at him, and is surprised to feel genuine about it. "Yeah, it did."
His smirk widens once more and suddenly there's another guy walking up to him, smiling with a hand on his hip. He has long black hair decorated with green feathers, and his face seems…weirdly delicate for a man.
"My, my. Who is that pretty thing?" he sings as he sets eyes on Karin and her frown is brought back in a bat of an eyelash. She glares at him and the bald guy, Ikkaku, snorts loudly.
"Ichigo's sister," he says.
"Ohh, yeah now that she's scowling I definitely see the resemblance, Kurosaki." The delicate guy says amusingly, smile still set in stone.
Ichigo passes a hand through his hair in annoyance and Karin's eyes shoot the guy invisible arrows. "Shut up, Yumichika," her brother groans back.
Ikkaku stretches his arms over his head and yawns excessively. "Come on, Yumichika. We don't have time to fight, captain's waitin' for us."
They both start walking in the opposite direction not a second later, and Karin's eyes follow them. Yumichika gives her a strange look and smiles before turning around while Ikkaku waves the back of his hand. "See ya around, Ichigo!"
"See ya," he yells back but sighs not long after.
Karin turns to him, eyeing him suspiciously. "They seemed pretty…unusual," she says and Ichigo scoffs. "Who are they exactly?"
"Yumichika's the fifth seat of the eleventh division, Ikkaku's the third. That is, if nothing changed since I last came here."
"Is that the squad you were telling me focuses on combat?"
Ichigo smirks as they start walking again. "Yeah. It's considered one of the strongest squads 'cause they're all so, erm…how do I put this…kinda crazy about fighting."
Karin nods, but barely, to herself. This place is filled with unusual people, or so it seems so far. Not strange or even scary, just unusual. Different from the humankind she spent her entire life around.
Maybe that's a good thing, she thinks to herself.
Ichigo doesn't miss the small smile that just appeared on Karin's face and something in his gut sighs in a mixture of relief and joy.
"Want me to show you around a bit?" he asks her.
She lifts up her curious eyes to him and for a second, she almost feels excited. "Yeah," she answers, that little smile still in place.
The sky is of a deep burnt orange color when Rukia finally gives her poor hand a break from writing. At least reports are somewhat mind-stimulating, but when all that's left is leaving her signature, again and again and again until the cramps get the best of her, the stimulation hits an all time low. She slumps down in her chair and sighs, rubbing the sides of her tensed neck. The lack of sleep from the previous days is starting to catch up to her, and not that she'd admit it, but she could perhaps use a nap right about now.
But any thought of frowned-upon rest leaves her mind as soon as she hears Ichigo's voice echoing from the other side of the door.
"I'll just be a minute," is what she hears him say to someone as he steps in the opened door frame, hair as orange as the sky.
"Yo," he says and Rukia shuts down any nostalgic thought this simple word might bring her.
"What are you doing in my office?" she asks lazily as she gets up from her chair. "How'd you find it?"
"Uh, I asked around," he answers with an arched brow. "It's not actually a secret to anyone in the thirteenth."
She doesn't answer. Maybe she just doesn't know what to do with the weird realization that Ichigo is standing in her office. Somehow it feels unreal, but she's not letting herself linger on it.
She shoots him a look before turning around to sit on her desk, arms crossed. "How was it?" she asks.
Ichigo blinks. "How was what?"
"The conversation," she clarifies, rolling her eyes. She nods towards the closed door. "Isn't she with you?"
"Oh," Ichigo breathes out, and Rukia can't help but notice how…relaxed his face is. He doesn't have to tell her how it went; she already knows. "It went better than I anticipated, I guess." He continues. "She doesn't seem overwhelmed, in fact it's like she wants to know more."
Rukia lets a smile take place on her lips. "That's good," she replies. "Did she…" she almost bites her lip as she remembers to lower her voice. After all, maybe Karin can hear them from the other side of the wall. "Did she say she wants to attend the academy?"
Ichigo's eyes lower in the slightest. "Not exactly. But Rukia, I saw the way she looked when she asked questions about this place, and when I showed her around. We walked around all day and she spoke to people, almost felt comfortable doing it," his eyes light up, but he doesn't let the hope become excessive. "I just… I feel like this could be right for her."
Rukia examines him for a moment, and eventually sighs as the corners of her lips go up. "Okay," she murmurs. "If it's really what you feel, and what she wants. I'll talk to Ukitake-taichou about calling the captain meeting for tomorrow."
Ichigo opens his mouth as a wave of gratitude, relief and anxiety fight for dominance, but he shuts it closed again as he hears Karin's voice coming from outside. He turns to confirm it and looks at Rukia, who's wearing a confused face. She walks past him slowly and opens the door silently, peeking out. She stops, obviously surprised, but then smiles and steps outside. Ichigo gives in to curiosity and joins her outside on the wooden porch.
"It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Karin Kurosaki," Ukitake's warm voice speaks as he bows slightly, a large smile on his aging features. "I'm Jushiro Ukitake."
Karin blinks repeatedly as she bows lower in return. "Nice to meet you, sir," she greets him, eyes going back and forth to his face and his captain haori.
As Ukitake laughs and starts making conversation as if this was the most normal thing in the world, Rukia turns to Ichigo, and their eyes meet in silence. He smiles down at her in the sweetest way she could ever imagine.
And she smiles back.
A/N: Hello dear readers!
We've already hit 100 followers! Hurrayy! I am honestly speechless to see that happen after only 4 chapters into the story, so I want to thank all of you who are reading this, wherever you are! Lots of love xxx
Just wanted to answer a few reviews:
AmberDeath15: Thank you so much for your kind words! And honestly as I was describing the 'older' Toshiro I wasn't even thinking of the new bankai version. After comparing it with my description though I realized yeah, they're basically the exact same thing!
OriksGaming: I've thought about it, but I feel like I've read wayyy too many stories where the character loses her/his memory, and that's just not where I wanted this story to go. I know right now Karin seems like the main character, but that'll change a little.
Kakaroto: Chapter 4 was necessary in terms of character development. If you thought that was useless, well, too bad.