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CHAPTER 2 / Double life

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For the next three days, Arthur had been trying to confirm what he had thoughts. Merlin was distant and constantly in the clouds. Each time he furtively crossed his eyes, his heart broke painfully. There was in the ocean eyes, a sparkle that was not meant for him. Arthur had to admit that Merlin wouldn't be with him all his life.

Of course, he would be in some way, but not like he had always dreamed. He loved their complicity, or at least the one they had once had. Arthur had to act because time was passing, and like a traitor, it was slowly taking him away from him. He wanted to believe that everything was possible. The day before, for example, he had felt the weight of a look on his body. He had turned around and caught Merlin's eyes, which had quickly turned away. A heartbeat had accelerated at this moment stolen from time, and it was a moment when hope had taken its place again which told him that nothing was lost.

.

Like every night, Merlin had only one desire: to be with his little family. During the day, between his chores and daily tasks, he imagined his little boy who'll be embracing him with love. Sometimes Merlin would smile blankly. He wanted to hear him laugh like all children his age. Charles was quite a little wizard who seemed to take his future place as a big brother to heart. Every morning his son would come over and bring him a glass of milk. "For baby," he would say him, pointing his index finger at his belly, which had taken on a little more shape.

When he was drifting off to sleep, he never knew what time of day he would fall, but every time he did, his heart never stopped beating with joy. His Arthur was a caring lover who knew how to be patient with his sudden cravings for sweetness.

At first, Merlin had had a hard time processing what he was feeling. His heart was always pounding when he saw him and drumming in his chest because, in Arthur's loving eyes, he felt unique. There were no words to describe all the sensations that went through his body.

Merlin had not yet told him that he loved. The fear of admitting it to a dream was already so hard to do that it worried him even more. To allow himself to become attached to them would be to break his heart, so for now he wanted to fully experience his moments as a gift.

Tonight, as he put away the last of the king's clothes, he was about to leave the room to find them, but Arthur asked him to make him a snack for the night.

"I will need you to review the laws of Camelot."

At these words, Merlin sighed, containing his frustration at not being able to get back together with his little family. He only nodded and headed for the kitchens. This Arthur could never be his. It was enough to hear him talk to him. The intonation was quite different than that used by his lover. Merlin was making a reason and at least had these dreams to comfort him.

...-M&A-...

Merlin walked down the hallway where he could hear the laughter of his Arthur, and Charles. He hurried on and stopped in front of the royal bedroom. His little boy, kneeling on the royal bed, was writhing with laughter.

"Again!" cried Arthur like a child.

Curious, Merlin watched his son slowly raise his hands in the air as the king's body rose a few inches from the sheet before literally dropping onto the mattress. His lips stretched softly at the scene, then a laugh escaped his throat as his lover slumped onto the bed before throwing himself on top of Charles. His little boy crossed his hands over his eyes and tilted his head back as he laughed out loud. He was so cute that Merlin wished he had the same in his real life.

He felt so much joy in seeing them get along so wonderfully that his heart regretted it was all a dream. Wanting to enjoy these two men, he finally entered the room and slowly approached them to continue watching them, but Charles always knew when he was not far away.

"Daddy!" he exclaimed as he caught sight of him.

Arthur got out of the bed to come tenderly to stick his chest against his back. The hands of this last rested on his belly while his lips deposited soft kisses against his nape. In the beginning, that made him strange to see him acting thus with him then, the nights passing, Merlin had let himself go to the softness of this man.

"I see you're having fun?" he teased him by moving away from the king to pull him towards the bed.

"You know," Arthur replied him, "Charles loves to have fun with his magic..."

"No, it's father who always asks!" replied their son, who seemed to be trying to give the latter a black look.

Merlin burst out laughing, his son had inherited Arthur's features and it was frightening.

"Admit that you like to bounce on the mattress," Merlin mocked as he lay down on the bed.

Arthur's face lit up with a wonderful smile.

"It's true, I admit I'm the one who loves it, but you'd see how great it is..."

Merlin almost thought his lover was going to start jumping around like a kid. He smiled and stole him a kiss. In his dreams, he discovered another king, a man he would never have suspected behind his mask of a royal cretin. Arthur was nothing like the one in reality, but whether it was a dream or not, Merlin knew now that his heart had fallen in love with him.

A few minutes later, placed in the middle of the bed, he had his two men at his side. Six months pregnant, he was enjoying Arthur's caresses on his stomach. Charles rested an ear against his skin and laughed as he felt small blows...

"Little brother!" he told him as he straightened up.

"We can't know that," Merlin replied as he stroked his brown hair, "but you'll be his big brother."

"Uh!" exclaimed Charles as he handed him the piece of the blue cloth he kept dragging around, "for baby!"

Merlin took it and recognized it as one of his scarves.

"When he comes into the world, you'll give it to him, won't you?"

"Uh!" he replied, nodding his head.

"You're cute Charles," he said as he watched him suck on his index and middle fingers.

Merlin kept smiling stupidly and he didn't care. His son was, in his eyes, a wonderful treasure. As for Arthur, he was so different that Merlin would have wanted him in his true reality. He closed peacefully his eyelids as his lover placed a kiss against his cheek and whispered in a voice filled with love:

"I love you, my heart."

...-M&A-...

Arthur was sitting at his desk, finishing reading the fourth scroll, when he looked up with a tired face, he realized that Merlin had not returned. One hand on his eyelids, his throat tightened as he remembered about Merlin's disappointed look. He had lied to him. He would just want a moment with his friend if he was still friends. He didn't really need to read the damn laws again. He just wanted him back near him.

He left his room in taking the way his servant might have gone. As he walked, he thought that perhaps he should try another approach with him. His shoulders slumped at the thought: how could he make a statement? He had better do something before it was too late. After all, he had nothing left to lose.

When he entered the kitchen, still lit with a few candles, his breath caught.

"Merlin!" he cried as he knelt down beside the body lying there.

He groped for it with trembling hands, worried to see him lying like that, and then his eyes crinkled as his valet rolled to the side and brought his knees to his chest.

"You're cute Charles..." muttered Merlin with a smile.

Arthur felt a violent pain in his chest. Who was this Charles? And...

"I'm worried and! You! You sleep!" he got carried away while shaking him. Unable to wake him up, Arthur called for guards to carry him to the valet's bed. Once done, he returned to his room ruminating with jealousy. He just wanted to have a little time with him and Merlin had found a way to sleep!

...-M&A-...

In the royal garden, Merlin walked, his hand in Arthur's. He was smiling. Charles was running like a madman in front of them, the arms spread out to the winds and imitating the birds. Seconds later, his son stumbled and sprawled across the grass with his whole body.

"I know who he takes after," the king teased him.

Merlin laughed and gave him a shoulder tap.

"Bobo, Dad!" cried Charles, presenting his right palm where small pebbles had embedded themselves.

"Wait," Merlin whispered as he bent slightly, then blew an air bubble against the ugly wound, which, before his son's startled eyes, disappeared.

"He's strong daddy!" he thundered, raising his neat hand in a triumphant gesture.

Arthur burst out laughing and pulled Merlin close to him.

"It's right, You are strong?" Arthur murmured, stealing a kiss.

Merlin blushed violently at such tenderness.

"Hm, if you only knew how much I love you, my little wizard..."

With his heart racing, Merlin felt Arthur's moist lips against his own. Each kiss took his breath away as if Arthur was offering him the air he needed to keep going to live in his reality. Merlin craved more these kisses, he craved to feel it naked against him.

"Arthur," he murmured, gently pulling away from him.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I want to go home and..."

"And?"

"And have you give me a big hug," he continued with crimson cheeks.

Arthur's hands came to rest on his hips and he brought his mouth to his ears:

"You know we can't do that... Gaius told us your health was weakened by the pregnancy..."

Merlin dreamed of a life for two and he wasn't even allowed to enjoy it! It wasn't fair. For the blow, he felt frighteningly frustrated.

"But," the king whispered, kissing his neck, "I'll be able to calm your ardor..."

Merlin felt desirable in his eyes and that was something new to him.

"Charles!" called his king, "come on, let's go home, daddy is tired!"

"Uh!" he said, stepping between them to grab each of their hands.

Merlin appreciated these simple family moments. It may not have been much, but to him, it meant so much more. It was a sweet dream where anything seemed possible. When they arrived at the castle, Charles went off to take a nap while they headed to their room. Merlin hadn't spent a moment like that with him before, and today he felt ready to feel it against his skin.

When he lay down on "his majesty's command," he smiled shyly. His chest swelled intermittently while discovering the completely naked body of his lover. His breath was gradually coming in when Arthur slipped a hand under his tunic, making him groan. His body heat went up a notch: he had never realized how much Arthur could be so attractive. He swallowed with great difficulty and repeated mentally "it is my man... my prince to me..."

"Merlin..." whispered his lover while untying his belt...

-M&A-

"Merlin!" thundered the king, shaking him hard.

The wizard, his eyes suddenly wide open, dared to let out a growl of frustration!

"Sire!" he scowled, in glaring at him in annoyance.

He was going to have a wonderful time and that jerk Pendragon had just broken it! Frustrated, he left his room and headed for the stables.

For the first time, Arthur did not respond to his valet's bad mood. His heart was still pounding in his chest from Merlin's glare. Yet it would be to him to be angry after he had fallen asleep the night before with a man's name on his lips! It was the world upside down! He left the laboratory, in ruminating anger and disappointment.

"Bah, sire?" whispered Gwaine to him, it is not the great form...

Arthur only gave him a sideways glance.

"If you want my opinion," the knight said, stopping at his level, "well, even if you don't want to it, I'll give it to you anyway, give Merlin fewer chores and try to..." he said, clasping his hands between them, "you see?"

At these words, Arthur immediately pulled him by the sleeve and ran into an alcove. How could that idiot Gwaine have seen anything?

"So it's true?" the knight said, wrinkling his eyelids, "you're totally melted!

Arthur sighed heavily. If Gwaine could figure it out: Why on earth was Merlin still blind?

"Yes, okay, I admit it, but," he said, clearing his throat, "Merlin is already interested in a man, named Charles!"

"Charles?" the knight repeated, thinking for a few seconds, "no, I don't know anyone by that name,...and then, how do you know?"

"He whispered it in his sleep..." he growled.

"Oh..."

"You know what, sire?" offered Gwaine, "I'll conduct my little investigation and let you know!"

Gwaine was about to leave when he stopped abruptly and made a little face:

"For the party that's coming up soon,... uh, how to tell you this? I was planning to introduce someone to Merlin..."

"What!" cut in the king.

The knight, head down and the tips of his index fingers touching intermittently, retorted:

"Well, since the knights and I had bet that you would make the first move, we thought maybe we were wrong..."

"You did WHAT?!"Arthur yelled, with stunned eyes.

Not only did he know, but all the knights seemed to know as well.

"Oh three times nothing," muttered Gwaine piteously, just for two mugs...

"Aghhhh! For two more mugs! But you're kidding me!"

Gwaine walked slowly backward and left without looking back.

"I,... promise sire, I'll keep you posted!"

.

It was thus that the knight found himself following Merlin. Unnoticed, he looked at him in detail and he had to admit that Merlin was in love. There was an unmistakable sparkle in his eyes, and sometimes Merlin would smile for no reason. Gwaine suddenly wanted to know who this Charles was, so he shuffled over to his friend.

"Hey! Merlin! How are you?" he said when he saw him stop picking up the hay.

"Fine and you?"

"Oh, I'm just fine,... except, I heard this morning that my friend Charles was sick..."

The knight scanned every movement, every line of his face, but: NOTHING.

"You should send him to Gaius. I'm sure he'll be able to find the cause of his illness."

"He should be there right now," he replied, thinking of another tactic. "I like that name, Charles,... Char-les..."

Miracle, Merlin had just frowned.

"Are you alright Gwaine?"

"Yes, why?"

"I don't know," Merlin murmured, looking away from the hay, "you... why do you like that name?"

"You, tell me about that" retorted Gwaine as he mentally slapped himself in the face.

Merlin blushed as he replied him that he liked it too and that it would be the name he would give if he ever had a son.

"You got a young girl pregnant!" cried Gwaine with wide eyes.

"I, what, but no!" the wizard exclaimed, glancing around for fear that passersby might have heard.

Merlin sighed heavily and then left him on the spot. He didn't want to talk about his dreams. Its were his. His hopes. His life.

Gwaine didn't miss Merlin's saddened look, it constricted his chest. He decided to watch him more closely. What was happening to Merlin? It was true that Gwaine didn't pay much attention to his friend anymore, but today he felt him lonely... Then, thinking about it, he was used to seeing Merlin smile and chat with people, which was no longer the case. Merlin was, on the surface, happy, but Gwaine understood that he was sad.

.

That evening, Arthur waited for Merlin to return. He had decided to follow Gwaine's advice and may God forgive him if the knight was wrong. When the object of his desires entered his room, he sat before his tray without saying anything. Glancing sideways, he could not imagine another man touching him. He stood up, coughing slightly so that Merlin would turn around.

"Starting tomorrow, you won't have to polish my armor and..."

"What have I done?" cut in Merlin.

Arthur didn't expect him to take it so hard.

"What I mean is..."

"Don't say anything, sire! I know I'm not always on time! I know I'm not the most perfect of valets, but to even imply that you wish to dismiss me is really low on your part!"

Merlin stared at him hard, understanding that this Arthur would never be his. He had thought he felt something for this one, but that horrible voice didn't suit him anymore. It was hurting him terribly. He wanted his Arthur. His own. At that strong thought, his body lightened and Merlin fainted at the incredulous look on the king's face.

Arthur, distraught, threw himself over Merlin's sleeping body and laid him on his bed.

...-M&A-...

Merlin, his eyes closed, smiled as he felt a caress on his cheek. When he opened his eyelids, he felt tired, but he loved this Arthur.

"Good evening sweetheart, how are you?"

Merlin rolled onto his side to get a better look at him.

"I am well my prince."

His heart was throbbing as he received a gentle kiss that made him happy.

"Sleep again, my little wizard, I watch over your sleep," the king murmured as he placed a kiss on his forehead.

He smiled as he closed his eyes. It was nice to be close to him because it was him that his heart was in love with.

...-M&A-...

Arthur did not know what to do. He turned in circles for a few seconds around his bed. He was bad in love. Really bad. He had Merlin within his reach, and he didn't know how to go about it. Tired, he took a seat next to his valet who was sleeping soundly. He took advantage of his few minutes, before Gaius arrived, to contemplate him. Arthur detailed the weary features of his valet. Suddenly, he saw Merlin flutter his eyelashes. The latter passed the back of a hand over his eyes and whispered:

"How long have I slept, my prince?"

Arthur, surprised, did not dare answer for fear of breaking the spell. His eyes captured for a tiny second those of his servant before the latter hid them with one hand. They were just beautiful. It was a loving look that he secretly loved and, tonight, he had the right to it. Always, immobile, he shuddered when Merlin seized his right hand to deposit a short kiss there. At this contact, his heart exploded: he couldn't believe it.

"You will kiss our little boy for me..." Merlin's sleepy voice whispered.

Astonished, Arthur raised his eyes and wondered what was happening to Merlin. For a fraction of a second, he would have liked to draw him to himself, but if he was dreaming with his eyes open, he didn't want to wake him up.

When the door opened on the physician, Arthur only informed him that his ward had fainted without any explanation. But the worried look on Gaius' face began to scare him. While guards were busy taking the sleeper to his room, the old man asked him:

"Have you seen nothing strange in Merlin's behavior in recent days?"

"No, why?" he replied in a panic.

"I don't know, it's like he was absent," the physician said, "but maybe I'm imagining things. Good night, Sire. "

Arthur had a very bad intuition.

...-M&A-...

Merlin felt rested. Arthur was not beside him. He didn't mind and got up with a light heart to go find Gaius. For the past few days, he had been having terrible headaches that pounded in his head. When he arrived at the door, he was about to push it open when, with his hand frozen on the handle, Gaius' voice whispered:

"I am sorry your majesty, if we had known earlier, I could have saved the last Ipomoea purpurea dragone* and, thus, cured him. But, alas, sire, it is already too late..."

Too late for whom? Merlin wondered.

Curious to see that Arthur was with the physician, Merlin wanted to push open the door when he noticed his son tugging at his tunic.

"Charles? What are you doing here?"

There was something strange about the suddenly overly mature look in the boy's eyes, as he shouted to him:

"Echo! It's echo!"

Then everything went black, there was no one left.

...

* Ipomoea purpurea dragone (invented plant)

next chapter in one or two weeks