My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes, I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then, I walk alone

Warning: This chapter deals with (memories of) bullying.

As It Is In Heaven

Chapter 3 – "Boulevard of broken dreams"

Sheldon was steaming with anger as he walked the long way from the cemetery to his mother's house.

Who did that preposterous woman think she was?

Interrupting him as he was saying good-bye to meemaw at her grave.

Acting as if she had a right to mourn for her too.

Making him believe she understood his work. That she was special somehow.

Or that they had things in common in general.

Because they had not. He was a world-renowned theoretical physicist at a prestigious institution who would one day win a Nobel Prize.

She was a stupid science teacher who could probably not even tell a proton from an electron without looking it up in a schoolbook.

And she was the kind of person who sang in a small-town church choir.

For a brief moment, he remembered the feeling when she was singing. Their eyes glued to each other. He had really felt a connection there.

Which was crazy.

And how come she even got to sing that solo? She must have grabbed for the spotlight. Missy sang in the choir too and she had a great voice. He couldn't believe meemaw would rather have that stranger sing at her funeral instead of her own granddaughter.

Finally, his feet had carried him to his destination, and he took a deep breath, before he opened the door and was greeted with the sight of his whole family sitting on the couch in the living room.

Joshua was watching a cartoon and his little sister, Ellis, was shoving a toy car around on the floor.

Missy's husband – he still couldn't figure out where he knew him from, it was as if his brain was blocking that information from him on purpose – was fidgeting with his beer bottle and his brother's girlfriend was playing a game on her phone uninterested in the conversation between his mother and his siblings.

Still upset, he wanted to stomp to his room and sulk, but his mother asked him to join them.

They were sharing stories about his meemaw. and somehow, this helped cool him down a little.

Especially hearing the stories, he had never heard before. Mostly the ones from his mother as she was telling tales about her childhood.

But he also loved the stories he already knew. Stories of a feisty, confident woman with a big heart and a strong will to protect the people she loved.

He did not contribute, but he enjoyed listening to them. Remembering tales of a time when his life was easier, and things had felt more hopeful. When his whole future had still been in front of him.

And then there were the stories he did not like to hear. Because while he did not know them yet, they all included a certain bespectacled brunette he tried hard not to think about.

They were painting a picture of an unlikely but deep friendship. Of joy and laughter and comfort. Of all the times that woman, Amy, had made his meemaw's life easier by keeping her company.

How she had driven her around when meemaw couldn't drive herself anymore. Bingo nights. Choir performances. Road trips. Holidays.

You were nothing to her.

The more stories he heard, the more he had to admit that maybe, he had been wrong about that.

And then he felt another unpleasant emotion.

Guilt.

For the way he had yelled at her.

But it was justified. She was an intruder. The enemy.

Or wasn't she?

"Hey, wasn't Amy supposed to be coming too?", his sister suddenly asked as Mary served the pecan pie, she had started to bake the minute she arrived at her house.

"She was.", his mother confirmed. "But she has called me earlier when I was in the kitchen. Apparently, she isn't feeling too well and wants to spend a quiet afternoon at home."

She isn't feeling too well.

He recalled the expression on her face when he had yelled at her.

There it was again. Guilt.

That is until he realized, what his mother had just said. At home?

"You mean at meemaw's home.", he snorted.

He did not know why, but it bothered him, that this strange woman was still living there. In the house he had always called his second home.

Mary looked at him strictly.

"Sheldon, I don't understand why you have a problem with that. Medford needed a new science teacher. She needed a place to live. And meemaw loved the company."

"She did.", his brother added. "Also, Sheldon, Amy spent every major holiday and almost every Saturday family dinner with us for two years, while you didn't even come to Missy's wedding. At this point, she feels more like a sibling to me than you do. It wasn't just meemaw who enjoyed her company. We all did."

He could see his sister's husband frown at that. Well, maybe not everyone enjoyed Amy's presence, he figured.

His thoughts were interrupted by his brother's next question.

"But now that Sheldon has brought it up. What is going to happen with meemaw's house, now that she is dead? I mean, I know we have an appointment next week to hear her last wishes, but you must know something, mother."

His mother sighed.

"Well. I wasn't going to tell you today. Not the day of her funeral. But now that you have asked, I might as well fill you in on what I know."

Georgie's girlfriend excused herself to go outside for a cigarette. It was only when the young woman offered Missy's husband a cigarette, that it occurred to Sheldon that this was a matter that only concerned the immediate family.

The tall man got up and Sheldon wasn't sure, but it seemed he was reluctant to go.

Once it was only his mother, his siblings and him, all eyes shifted to Mary, curious to learn what was going to happen.

"Your grandmother has written her will a long time ago.", she explained. "We agreed that, since I am already settled and all of you are in a stage in your life where you need money more than I do, I will get memorabilia that I have picked out some time ago. Each of you will get a few items to remember her by. She has saved up an impressive amount of money, which will be divided between Georgie and Missy. And you, Sheldon…"

She turned to him.

"She wanted you to have her house."

Sheldon dropped his fork and stared as his mother dumbfounded. This last sentence hit him like a ton of bricks.

"She… she's leaving her house to me? But why? I am the only one here that does not live in Texas. What am I supposed to do with her house? Why did she not leave it to Missy with her two kids?"

"Missy moved into her husband's home when they got married. And Georgie has bought his own place years ago.", Mary explained. "Your meemaw thought that maybe you would like to move back home one day. Or if not, you could sell the house and use the money, in which case her will states that your siblings shall have the option to buy it from you for a fixed price before you can put it on the market."

He took a deep breath. Selling meemaw's house? That was not an option.

But then he smiled to himself. Maybe he could find a more suitable person to rent it to than that woman who was occupying it right now.

"However, there is one condition.", his mother said and raised her eyebrows at him, as if she had read his thoughts.

"Con… condition?", he stuttered.

"Yes. Your grandmother changed her will just a few weeks before she died as if she already felt that things would take a turn for the worse."

"Go on.", he demanded.

"Well.", she hesitated for a second. "Actually, it has to do with Amy. And I know you won't like what I'm about to tell you."

His heart stumbled in his chest after hearing that name again. He had a bad feeling about this.

"As long as you do not intend to sell it or live in the house yourself, she wanted Amy to have the right to stay at the place to the same conditions she has granted her for however long Amy wants to stay."

His blood ran cold for a second.

No longer able to deal with this, he excused himself and almost ran to his room.

Still, he could hear his family's voices from the living room.

His brother making a few snide remarks about him throwing a fit for no reason.

His mother defending him, saying he was just overwhelmed.

His sister trying to change the topic.

But he did not care. None of them knew what this was about.

None of them knew of his conflicting emotions regarding that woman.

The reality of what it meant, having agreed to stay with his mother for the time being, started to sink in.

Staying in his childhood room. Being treated like a child by his mother.

Enduring family visits.

No opportunity to escape to his meemaw's place.

Having her as a neighbor. As his tenant, technically.

Because now, he had to become something he never thought he would ever be.

Sheldon Cooper. Physicist. Genius. One of a kind. Landlord?

What did that even entail?

The door to his room cracked open and he saw a familiar face appear in the doorframe.

The person who used to share this room with him once.

"Sheldon? Hey, are you alright? It's crazy, right? Meemaw gave you the house. Wow, that must be hard for you.", she said in a gentle voice.

He sighed exasperatedly.

No. Owning her house was not hard. It was actually a relief, knowing no one could sell it without his consent.

"It's fine.", he mumbled.

Missy sat down at the foot of his bed and looked around.

"Do you remember when we used to share this room? Everything seemed so much easier back then. The things we fought about, they felt so big back then. And now…"

"I know what you mean.", he interrupted her.

Oh, what he would give to go back in time. When life was easier. When he still had his father and his meemaw. When he had his sister by his side to talk to.

"Oh, Shelly…", she whispered suddenly, and it looked like she was holding back tears. "I'm so glad you're still alive. I was so worried about you. I wish I could have come to Pasadena with mom when it happened. But I couldn't just leave Joshua and Ellis."

"It's fine.", he mumbled.

"No. It's not fine. I almost lost you. You're my twin brother, Shelly. We came into this world together. Losing you… I'm not ready for it. I am not ready to not have you in my life. Please… you have to promise me to take better care of yourself."

He looked at her more closely.

Something seemed different about her.

Not just the way she dressed or wore her make-up.

He tried to figure out what it was. But reading people had never been his strong suit.

And he hadn't seen in her in a long time. Too long.

As angry as he was at the rest of the world, he knew, his sister was always on his side. Even when they disagreed about many things, he knew, when things got hard, he could always count on her. She had proven that numerous times back when they were children.

"I promise, Missy. And… I am sorry, I did not come to your wedding.", he said sincerely. "I was just… going through a lot."

"Your exact words were, 'I was at your last wedding. Maybe I'll come to your next.'", she chuckled dryly.

He winced. Even he knew, this was not an appropriate thing to say to someone who was about to get married.

"I'm sorry, Missy.", he repeated.

"It's alright, Shelly. I know you weren't in a good place. I talked to Penny around that time. She wanted me to talk to you about your fight with her and Leonard, but I was too occupied with getting married. And Ellis was still so little, I was just overwhelmed with everything. So… I guess, I am sorry too."

She was smiling at him, but that smile just didn't reach her eyes.

He studied her, trying to figure out what her expression meant.

A smile meant a person was happy, so much he understood. But there was a hint of something else in her eyes that he couldn't place.

Sadness? Regret? Anger?

He shook his head.

Of course, she was sad. Their meemaw had just died.

Sometimes he forgot that she had meant a lot to other people too.

"Hey Missy.", he blurted out before he could really think about it. "What do you know about that woman? Amy?"

He swore he could see her eyes light up. Not the reaction he wanted to see.

"Oh, Amy? She's awesome. I mean, she was pretty strange at first. Distanced. Kind of obnoxious. But meemaw brought down her walls in no time and then we all saw how great she really was. I hung out with her all the time before…", she hesitated before she continued. "I mean… she's really awesome. You should have seen her with meemaw. Always up to something crazy. Well, until meemaw got sick that is."

And then she looked sad again.

And after that, there was another new expression on her face that he couldn't place. It appeared when they heard her husband's voice.

"Missy? Get your butt out there, we need to leave. I'm meeting the guys for some beers later."

Sheldon stared at Missy.

"Your husband is going out with his friends today? The day of meemaw's funeral?"

He did not understand. He had always thought, one of the few upsides of having a spouse was having their support on a day like this.

Missy avoided his gaze.

"It's fine, Sheldon. Don't make a big deal out of it.", she whispered.

The door to his room opened, and he wanted to protest. No one was allowed to come in here.

"There you are.", the deep voice of the tall man resonated in his room, but it was his face up close that rendered him speechless. Finally, he realized where he knew him from.

Oh, this was bad. Memories from long ago entered his mind. Memories that, to this day, gave him nightmares.

"Robbie.", he croaked.

"Well, hello, Smelly Pooper. I was wondering when you'd show your face in Texas again."

If he had been upset because of Amy before, it paled in comparison to how he felt right now.

He could only stare at Missy who again, didn't look at him.

How could she marry that guy? She knew exactly what that brute had done to him for as long as he used to live in Texas.

He remembered being chased by him on his way to and from school. Being trapped in his locker for hours. Having his clothes stolen after sports. Being beaten up for knowing the right answers in class. Having his head stuck into the toilet almost until he passed out.

The nightmares. The panic attacks.

And of course, that name. Smelly Pooper. Oh, how he hated that.

Missy had already gotten up, shooting him a look, he liked to think of as apologetic.

"Bye, Shelly. Maybe we can talk again soon now that you're staying here for a while."

Robbie snorted at him one last time and left as well.

Sheldon fell back on his pillow.

He couldn't believe it. He had wanted to forget, that this guy even existed. And now he was his brother-in-law? And his mother called him a blessing?

This visit turned out to be a nightmare even in more ways than he had anticipated.

Suddenly he couldn't deal with this any longer.

He needed fresh air. Now.

"Shelly? Are you alright? You're pale. Is it your heart?", his mother asked as he passed her by.

He stopped in his tracks and huffed at her.

"How could you not tell me that Missy married my worst enemy, mother?"

His mother shook her head lightly.

"Oh, dear. You can't still hold a grudge. That was decades ago. Robbie has changed his ways. He has become a good man. A god-fearing man. And in my eyes, he has redeemed himself by marrying a single mother, taking her and her babies in and providing a beautiful home for them."

"Have you forgotten what he has done to me?", he all but screeched.

Really, how often had his mother sat beside him in the principal's office, trying to find ways to stop Robbie from tormenting him, but in the end making matters worse for him every time.

"Well, well, well.", a voice came from the kitchen.

Sheldon turned around to be met with his older brother's condescending stare.

"What a surprise. Sheldon wants everything to be about Sheldon again."

"Leave him alone, Georgie.", his mother protested gently.

"Why should I?", he continued. "Our whole lives have always been about you, little brother. So, what is it now? You want your mommy to make your sister leave her husband because he was mean to you some decades ago?"

"I knew I should never have come here.", Sheldon muttered in response before he fled the scene.

Just before he had reached the front door, he heard his mother scold his older brother.

"Give him a break, Georgie. He just had a heart attack. And you know how much he loved meemaw."

"We all loved meemaw.", he heard him sigh in response.

Sheldon did not hear the rest of what his brother had to say, because finally, he had closed the door behind him and took a deep breath.

He didn't understand. What was happening here?

His sister marrying his childhood bully. His mother taking his bully's side and calling him a good man. He guessed he shouldn't be too surprised about Georgie making fun of him. That was just what he did. But today he had been extra mean.

A part of him wanted to book the next flight back to California.

But what was there to return to?

No friends, no work. He would be just as miserable there as he was here.

He felt trapped. Without a chance to escape this pathetic life he was living.

If only meemaw were here. If only he could talk to her.

Without realizing where he was going, he walked across the street, until he stood in the driveway of his late grandmother's house.

His house. Technically.

It was still hard to wrap his head around that fact.

He released a shuddering breath.

This was the place where she would usually greet him. Where she would tell him how much she had missed him and promise him cookies that would already be waiting for him in the kitchen.

But that would not be happening this time.

Hugs. Words of encouragement. Cookies. Letters.

Never again.

He couldn't hold back a sob as new, fresh tears fell down his face.

To his horror he heard the front door being opened.

As quickly as he could, he jumped behind a tree.

And then he heard that voice that had been haunting him the last hours.

"Hello? Is anybody there?"

He wanted to turn around and run away before she would spot him, but he found himself frozen, unable to move his feet. Maybe she wouldn't see him. It was already getting darker outside.

"Hello?", he heard her call out again. "Show yourself. And no funny business. I am armed."

She was armed? Oh no, that was just his luck. Getting shot by a true Texan protecting her home – which technically belonged to him.

But when he peeked out from behind his hiding place, he couldn't help but grin.

Dressed in jogging pants and a sweater, her hair standing in all directions, her eyes wide. But maybe the funniest thing was the kitchen suppliance she held in a tight grip over her head, ready to attack.

She looked ridiculous and for a moment, all his pain was gone, replaced by an urge to just laugh out loud.

What was it about this woman that he felt pulled into a completely different state of mind?

But then he felt guilty again.

How could he feel like laughing on a day like today.

"Good luck fighting off a possible home invasion with a rolling pin.", he scoffed, as he left his hiding place, figuring it was his only option.

"Sheldon!", she shouted out surprised. "I did not expect you tonight. Or at all."

Well, that was uncomfortable. How could he explain what brought him here? When he wasn't even able to explain it to himself.

And the way he had insulted her just hours ago, she couldn't be happy to see him.

But after a much too long period of silence, her eyes softened, and she lowered her right hand that was still gripping her 'weapon'.

"I shouldn't be surprised though. You have every right to be here. This is her house. You must miss her very much, so of course you came to this place."

"It's no longer her house.", he explained. "It's mine. She left it to me."

He could see her move her lips, but no sound came out.

"She left it to me.", he repeated. "I don't know why. But… but she did."

Another sob, followed by more tears. He swiped the tears away and tried to put on a stoic face. This was embarrassing. He did not want to cry in front of her. Why was it suddenly so hard to control his emotions?

But saying it out loud made everything more real.

This was not supposed to be his house. And his meemaw wasn't supposed to die and leave it to him.

Amy took a step closer to him and for a moment, it seemed like she was about to hold him. His eyes widened, not knowing how to feel about the prospect of being comforted by her.

But then she stopped and slung her arms around herself instead, as if she was feeling cold.

"So…", she pressed her lips together in a firm line for a second. "Are you here to kick me out then?", she all but whispered.

He stared at her incredulously.

Ironically, yes, that had been the first thing he had wanted to do, when he had gotten the information. But to hear her accuse him of such a callous act, kicking her out on the day of his meemaw's funeral.

"Of course not.", he insisted. "What do you think of me?"

"Oh…", she said. She sounded relieved. "Okay then. I'm happy to hear it."

"I am not happy about it.", he insisted. "But my meemaw wanted you to stay. For as long as you want to and to the same conditions, she gave you in the first place. It's in her will. And I will honor her wish."

"She… she did? Connie really put this in her will?", Amy stuttered. "That is… so very generous of her. And you. So, thank you, I guess."

His heart was pounding in his chest again.

What was happening? He did not like that woman. Why did it matter to him that she was happy with the arrangement?

Order. He needed order.

He cleared his throat.

"If you could give me the contract you had with her, I'd like to put my name into it instead of hers."

Amy chuckled lightly.

"We never had a contract, Sheldon. Connie didn't think it was necessary. We talked about a few basic things like rent and then just took it from there."

"What?", he shrieked. "No rules? No agreements? No bathroom schedule? You were just living here for the past two years without any form of regulation? Like hippies? How did that even work?"

Amy giggled.

"Oh, you are exactly like she described you. Sheldon, of course we had a few rules. We just never wrote them down. We started living together and then, if we were bothered by something we would talk about it and find a solution. Simple as that."

"Well, that does not work for me.", he said, shaking his head. "I could never live with someone without some sort of written agreement."

"But… you are not going to live here in this house, are you?", he asked, watching him carefully.

Live here? With her? Was she out of her mind?

Although the possibility of living here, in this house, away from his mother's supervision…

What the hell? Why was he even thinking about it?

"Of course not.", he shook his head. "That would be ridiculous. I was thinking of my former roommate when I said this. We always had an ironclad roommate agreement."

"Oh."

He couldn't decipher the look she was giving him.

"However, I do think we should put this thing in writing. Can't just have you live here in her… my… house without some ground rules."

"Oh.", she said again. "Well, I have a little time right now. Do you want to come in and settle this?"

He took a deep breath, ready to say no.

He did not have his laptop with him. He didn't know if meemaw's printer still worked. And most importantly his notary stamp was still in Pasadena.

But there was something about this house that just drew him right in. He longed to be in that place. Check if it still looked like it used to. See, how much she had changed about it.

And he definitely did not want to go back to his mother's place.

"Alright.", he agreed. "We can hash out everything now and then I will draw up a contract tomorrow and bring it over for you to sign."

Amy nodded firmly and held the door open for him.