I just realized that Saturday is Christmas Eve, which means, I will be sitting underneath the Christmas tree, watching my kids unwrap their presents at the time I usually update. Also, we're celebrating with my parents, and I don't know when I'll be getting home again.
I'll try to post before I leave, but I can't promise anything. So, it will either be much sooner, hours later or maybe even on Sunday morning.
Until then, I hope you all have a happy Christmas!
As It Is In Heaven
Chapter 8 – "All I Have To Do Is Dream"
This was a terrible idea.
This sentence went through Sheldon's mind several times after his talk with Amy.
First, when he woke up after the night, he agreed to help manage the choir. What was it about that woman, that he felt this undeniable urge to please her and make her happy?
And then again, when he told his mother about it.
"Sheldon, that is wonderful. Finally, you're making an effort to become an active member of this congregation.", she had cooed.
He had wanted to argue that this was the last thing he wanted to become, but the fact that he would be helping the church choir was evidence that wasn't easy to dismiss.
And then, for more than a week, he thought that maybe, it was not such a bad idea after all.
That was the time, when he worked through the arrangements at his meemaw's house. That's what he still called it. It just felt wrong to think about it as his house.
He went there several time in the evening after Amy was home from work. Of course, he only did that, because there was a little piano in the living room, and this was practical for working on music.
Well, he also worked there, because it was quieter than his mother's house.
But maybe also a little bit because of Amy. It was only sensible to get her opinion on his arrangements. After all, she was the one that had experience with the choir.
And he had to admit, even though this whole thing cut deeply into his usual quiet time, it was very pleasant, spending all this time at Amy's place, hearing her sing as he played the piano.
Sometimes, she played the harp and although he had never liked harp music, it did not bother him, when she played it.
It was actually something he could get used to.
Maybe they could keep doing this after his work with the choir was done. Maybe schedule some sort of sing-along night. If she was interested.
They were friends now after all, so why should they not have a few scheduled activities. He used to have scheduled activities with his former friends too.
And Amy turned out to be a great friend.
She was so invested in this whole project. Once she even cancelled a date over it.
"I'm sorry, Mark, I'm busy tonight.", he had heard her speak on the phone, while he pretended to be completely focused on the sheet music in front of him. "Look, maybe we can reschedule. I've got choir practice on Friday, but we can go out later that night if you're still interested."
So no, for a while, he really did not regret his offer to help with the choir.
Not even when those strange dreams he had about her got more intense every night.
"I'm sorry, Mark.", he heard her speak into the phone. "I won't be able to go out with you after all. Not tonight or on any other night. Because there's only one man I want to spend my time with and he's right next to me."
And then she placed her phone on the table and climbed onto his lap on the piano chair, and he could only focus on her lips as they descended on his.
And then he woke up. Just before their lips met.
His dreams always ended like this.
In some of them, he was dancing with her. And then almost kissing her on the dance floor but waking up instead.
In some others, he was taking her home after a date and then he woke up before he could kiss her in front of her door like he had seen this other guy kiss her a while ago.
And in one really confusing dream they were in his apartment in Pasadena, watching a movie together on his couch. Holding hands. And then, she turned to him, and he was about to kiss her. But again. He woke up before he got the chance.
Did he sometimes worry about the meaning of these dreams?
Of course, he did. It was frightening, thinking about a woman the way he thought about Amy.
He had female friends before. But he had never dreamt in such a way about Penny or Bernadette or Elizabeth Plimpton.
Still, he did not regret offering his help. It was not Amy's fault after all, the tricks his mind was playing on him.
But he did regret it the following Friday, when he entered the large room at the back of the church where the choir was practicing.
It was the same room where he had been forced to attend Sunday school all those years ago and he did not have many happy memories of it.
The lighting in the room was dim and the wooden floor tiles creaked with every step. But he guessed for a small-town church choir it was sufficient.
Most of the eighteen members of the choir were sitting at the few tables in the corner next to the small kitchenette with a mini-fridge and a coffee machine.
They all stared at him some of them with their mouths wide open as Amy explained to them how they would be dividing the responsibilities for the choir.
Billy Sparks was the first to greet him then, pointing out that they had been neighbors as kids and – to Sheldon's great dismay – calling him Shelly in the process.
It was Olivia the pastor's wife, who spoke up then. She was a tiny woman, probably even a few inches shorter than Bernadette, but with a much deeper voice.
He already knew her, as his mother had introduced them at the funeral. Back then, the frown on her face had seemed fitting for the occasion.
But she didn't look all too different now. He couldn't help but think, she did not look like a very happy person.
"Sheldon Cooper? Seriously? But… his mother says he's an atheist. What if he makes us sing songs with hidden satanic messages? And he's said to be a genius, so we wouldn't even notice it."
Hidden satanic messages. He scoffed at her and was in return met with another scowl.
Amy shot him an apologetic look.
"Forget hidden messages.", a man who would later introduce himself as Jeremy, interjected. He was tall and big and with his long full beard, almost looked like a bear. "I'm worried for the quality of the choir. Isn't he a rocket scientist or something? What does he even know about music?"
"Theoretical physicist.", Amy corrected him. "And he has more knowledge about music than anyone else around here. Why don't we just give him a chance."
Sheldon wanted to protest and tell them all off. They were making it sound as if they were doing him a favor by letting him help, when it was really the other way around.
But then a gentle voice spoke before he could.
"Oh, come on folks. He's Connie's grandson. Her favorite one at that. Can you imagine how happy she would be, knowing he's here with us? What if he is her parting gift to us? I'd very much like to see him work before making a judgement."
Sheldon looked at the elderly lady. Ruth had always been friendly to him when he had accompanied his grandmother to the senior center where she was giving dance classes. He remembered her as a little nosy, always asking if he had a special lady friend and when he instead told her about his work, she had always nodded politely and never told him to stop bragging like so many people in East Texas used to do.
"Ruth is right. As always.", came a deep voice from the back. "I am Daniel by the way. Thank you for helping us out, Sheldon."
Ruth turned her head and smiled at Daniel, a gesture that was returned immediately.
This seemed to calm everyone down enough so they could start with their choir practice.
Just then, the door creaked open, and another familiar face came running into the room.
"Sorry, I'm late again. The kids made a mess at dinner, and it took forever to clean it up. And then I had to drop them off at my mother's. I came here as fast as I could."
"It's okay, Missy. We know the situation.", Ruth said softly, and Missy was quick to avoid her gaze and take her place in the choir.
Only then did she notice Sheldon and he could see she was surprised to see him. And probably not very happy about it, since she had avoided talking to him ever since the train incident.
Even when his mother had taken him and Joshua to the train store, she had barely said hello to him as she had dropped off her little son.
He let her eyes roam over the choir then. Looking at them a little closer than a few days back, he recognized quite a few of them.
His eyes rested on one guy, Jared. He had been in some of his classes in High school. And while Jared had never bullied him, he had been friends with Robbie. He would have to keep an eye on him.
Other members were around his mother's age or a bit older. Thirteen women and only five men, but from his meemaw's funeral he remembered that those men – with the exception of Billy – had strong voices so he guessed that was okay.
As Amy and he had agreed to, he let every member of the choir step forward and sing a few notes. Based on that, he divided them into the different voice registers, which, of course, didn't go over without protest.
He was grateful for Amy who backed him up at every turn and silenced everyone who tried to question his decisions.
After that, he sat down, already feeling tired.
As much as he had enjoyed spending all this time with Amy, the last days had been taxing and he had not napped as much as usual.
And of course not to mention all these weird dreams he had been having about the woman he was doing this for.
The woman who now took her place among the choir and tried to guide the others from there.
After all, that had been the agreement. He would provide the music sheets and sit in to listen and get back to Amy with his opinion.
But very soon, he realized, that was a complete waste of time.
It was a mess. No matter how much Amy kept trying to get the others' attention, everyone seemed to sing in a different tempo. At one point he wasn't even sure if they were all trying to sing the same song.
Sighing exasperatedly, he got up and grabbed the little baton that was lying on a windowsill, seemingly left behind by Ms. Fenley, before walking up in front of the choir.
He was surprised when everyone stopped and looked at him.
"Alright…", he said a little unsure about what to do now. "Let's try that again. We're singing 'Lean on me'. I will give every register the first note and then I'll give you four beats, so you all have the same tempo."
Amy had chosen the song when they had gone over the repertoire. She told him, she liked how it spoke of community and being there for each other, and she had said that this was what the choir felt like to her.
Sheldon had been surprised, because it wasn't a religious song, but she reminded him of her promise. They could sing whatever they wanted as long as they kept a few church songs.
The start was much smoother now. It felt awkward at first, standing there, waving his baton, having eighteen people watch his every move.
But after a while, he figured out, this was not that bad.
They listened to him. Accepted his authority.
He wanted them louder, they sang louder. He wanted them slower, they all slowed down. No one told him he was being bossy or that he couldn't always have his way.
With his eidetic memory, he didn't even have to look at the notes in order to give everyone the right cue or tell them when they were singing at the wrong time.
He was good at this. Really, really good.
When the song was finished, more than half of them clapped for him.
"Well, well, well…", Jeremy said and nodded at him. "I think this is the first time we actually all finished a song at the same time."
He had to admit, this made him feel good. It felt like a win. And he had not had a win in a very, very long time.
The next few songs went equally well, although he did have to stop sometimes and correct a few of the singers or practice a more challenging part some more.
With every minute that passed, he felt more secure. More at ease with being the center of attention.
After two hours, including a short bathroom break, Amy motioned at him to call it quits.
He wondered for a second, why she did not just do it herself, but he guessed, he was the one with the authority now.
"Well, I guess, this is it for today.", he said hesitantly.
It really was a shame to stop now, when it felt like they were on a roll.
A murmur went through the group, and he guessed a few others felt the same way.
Jeremy suggested to stay a little longer, but Olivia insisted on keeping to their usual schedule and was out of the door before anyone could protest.
She still didn't look too happy with him, but he guessed she was now outnumbered and she knew it.
"Hey, why don't we go out and celebrate?", Amy finally suggested, before everyone could leave. "This was a very successful first practice with our new conductor. And well…", she hesitated. "We haven't been out together since Connie died."
"That's a wonderful idea, dear.", Ruth agreed. "Let's go drink to our beloved Connie. Celebrate the fact she sent us her grandson to save the choir."
Sheldon gently rolled his eyes but chose to let it go. It was nice, the way everyone spoke so fondly of meemaw.
"Missy? Are you coming with us?", Amy asked his sister then.
Sheldon watched her closely as she looked at her watch.
"Uhm… it's… it's already so late. Another time maybe, okay?"
With that, she was gone too, and Amy sighed deeply.
Sheldon looked at her questioningly, but she just shook her head.
"Missy's always in a hurry to get home.", Ruth explained. "It's just…", she sighed too.
Daniel nodded sadly. "It's just… Robbie."
They said it without further explanation, as if that word was enough for everyone to understand. And no one asked what they meant with it, but everyone seemed to look at the floor all of a sudden.
"Sheldon?", Amy called him out of his stupor. "Will you be going with us? There's this little bar we usually go to."
He was about to decline but there was something about the way she looked at him. And who was to say that, if he didn't accompany her, she wouldn't meet the next guy who would be honking in front of her home?
Or worse. She could go through with her plan of meeting this guy she had been talking to on the phone. Mark.
Even if he did not fully understand the reason for it, he did not want this to happen tonight.
So, he shrugged. "Well, it is customary to celebrate a success like that, so why not."
Half an hour later they were all seated around a large table at the bar Amy had mentioned before. She was drinking a strange looking red liquid which he suspected to contain a large amount of alcohol, while he stuck to Iced Tea.
There was a little karaoke station in the corner and a make-shift stage.
But when Amy asked him to sing with her, he declined.
Conducting the choir was one thing. But he wouldn't sing karaoke at some bar.
To his great displeasure, Jared, the guy he knew from High School, was nudged by Jeremy, the man who had questioned his credentials earlier.
"Jared, son, the young lady would like to sing. Be a gentleman and go up on the stage with her."
Sheldon could only watch as Jared frowned a little but then got up and joined Amy.
He did feel that, even while she was singing with someone else, her eyes shifted to him several times. But maybe that was just his imagination.
Because he definitely couldn't keep his eyes off her, once he heard her sing the lyrics.
Dream, dream, dream, dream
Dream, dream, dream, dream
When I want you in my arms
When I want you and all your charms
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Dream, dream, dream, dream
Was there a possibility she was dreaming of him the way he kept dreaming of her?
He did not know if he liked that thought or if it terrified him.
"You don't have to worry about him, you know.", Ruth whispered into his ear. "His father keeps trying to make it happen, but Jared's not interested in her that way, and neither is she. But still, you might want to hurry up to make your move."
Sheldon looked at her and rolled his eyes.
"What makes you think, I want to make a move on her? Amy's a friend. I'm not interested in anything else."
Of course, his strange dreams could have been taken as evidence against what he just said. But Ruth did not have to know that.
But he had to admit, even if it was only to himself, watching Amy singing a love song with another man caused a weird sensation in his stomach.
The elderly lady just smiled at him knowingly but didn't say another word about it.
"Well, that was fun.", Amy exclaimed as she finally came back to the table and took her seat next to Sheldon. "I've always loved karaoke nights at this place."
"So did Connie.", Ruth said softly. "I remember you two almost lifting the roof off with your performance of 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'."
"Meemaw sang here too?", Sheldon asked as he pictured the two women singing together.
"Of course.", Amy nodded. "She was the one who recommended this place. There's good drinks, karaoke and then after that dancing. Connie just loved to dance."
Sheldon sighed as he remembered the video, he saw of his meemaw dancing. Oh, how he wished she was here too right now.
Ruth nodded at Amy. "She really did. I guess that runs in the family. I remember little Shelly here at his cotillion training, swirling Missy around on the dance floor. He was a natural."
"Really?", Amy grinned at Sheldon. "It's hard to imagine you dancing at all."
Sheldon scoffed. "Well, I am an excellent dancer. I excel at so many things. You should have noticed that by now."
"Jared went to cotillion training too.", Jeremy interjected from across the table. "I'm sure, he'd be willing to take you dancing some time, Amy."
Jared just stared at the floor uncomfortably.
"Leave him alone, Jeremy.", Daniel who was sitting next to Ruth said firmly. "If your son wants to ask anyone out, he can do that without your help. He's old enough."
"I'm just looking out for him.", Jeremy defended himself. "He's in his forties and still hasn't found a girl. Just because you never got married doesn't mean my son has to end up alone."
At that point, Jared got up.
"It's late. I'm going home now.", he muttered. "I'm sorry. It's not that I wouldn't go dancing with you but… you know."
The last bit was directed at Amy and again there was this weird feeling in Sheldon's stomach. No matter what Ruth had said about Jared not being interested in her. He did not like this.
"Well, Amy, if you want to dance, why don't we dance right now.", he blurted out. "Just, uhm, so I can proof to you how great of a dancer I am."
She beamed at him as she agreed and that caused a completely different sensation in his stomach.
His danger-alert went off in his head. Why the hell had he suggested this?
And then, all too soon, he found himself on the dancefloor with her.
He tried hard to keep a stoic face. Focus on the mechanics, focus on the steps, he had learned all these years ago.
But he soon learned, dancing with Amy was so different from dancing with his sister.
She smiled at him in a way that made his stomach swoop. Just like it happened at his meemaw's funeral when she was singing, the rest of the world seemed to fade away.
The connection he felt to her – how was this even possible? – was stronger than anything he had ever felt towards anyone.
Part of him never wanted this dance to end. And another part of him wanted to run out of this bar screaming.
Trying to shake this confusing feeling off, he looked around on the dance floor.
Daniel was dancing with Ruth and as their eyes met, Sheldon saw the older man wink at him which made him blush.
The old couple looked so comfortable with each other. Just like before at choir practice.
What Jeremy had said earlier at the table, had been a surprise. Because to Sheldon, Ruth and Daniel had looked like a married couple.
He shook his head. This was none of his business. He had never understood the need to marry anyone anyway. Maybe neither did Daniel.
When the song ended, he let go of Amy immediately and she smiled at him and thanked him for the dance, which again, made his heart jump in his chest.
Maybe this could be another thing to schedule with Amy.
Penny used to have dance nights with her friends all the time, so why shouldn't he and Amy do the same?
Or maybe not. Maybe it would be too much for him, feeling like this every week.
They came back to the table, just as most of the others were about to leave.
Ruth stated that she was tired, and Daniel offered to drive her home.
Jeremy, who still looked uncomfortable after his son had left, told them, he was leaving too and offered Amy a ride.
Sheldon looked at Amy expectantly, waiting for her to make the call, but she preferred to finish her drink first and then take a Taxi, so Sheldon agreed to stay with her.
It felt strange, it being just the two of them. Was this what she usually did at night, with those guys she went out with?
If so, he really envied them. Because she was great company.
After her drink she ordered another one and their conversation shifted from the choir to her job as a science teacher to his job. And he couldn't help but be impressed with her profound knowledge of the field, as she commented on his theories.
She knew too much, way too much, for a science teacher.
He began testing her by getting into more details of his work and asking her opinion and even after two drinks, she still was able to hold her ground in their discussion.
It was remarkable. And it made his heart hammer in his chest like never before.
Where had this person been all his life?
"How do you know all that?", he finally dared to ask. "Because the science teachers I had were overwhelmed by the simplest equations and had to look everything up in their teacher's handbooks."
He thought he could detect a hint of sadness in her eyes.
"Well…", she sighed. "It wasn't in my plans to become a science teacher. I used to do something… different. But then, I decided to start over. I went on some journeys. One of them took me here."
Like so often when he talked to her, he felt there was more to the story. She was so evasive when it came to her personal life.
The more time he spent with her, the more he realized how little he actually knew about her. But before he could ask, she changed the subject again.
Finally, after her third drink, they were ready to call it a night.
He chuckled as he saw her almost stumble over her own two feet, leaving the bar.
"I'm sorry.", she giggled. "I do not usually drink this much."
He looked at her curiously.
"Then why did you order that third drink?"
She giggled.
"Well, we were having such a great time. And I did not want this night to end already. But I guess, it really was one too many."
She did not want this night to end.
Oh, good Lord, what was this woman doing to him?
"Maybe we should walk home.", he suggested. "I haven't taken my daily walk today and you seem like you could use the fresh air."
To his own shock, he offered her his arm then. Only to steady her of course, he told himself. He was raised to be a gentleman after all.
And the goosebumps he felt as she took it? Well, he had to blame the mild breeze that was in the air.
But as they walked the fifteen minutes, their arms linked together and the conversation still flowing, he felt a strange kind of happiness. One that was very unfamiliar to him.
He liked this. He liked that it was only the two of them now after going out with mutual acquaintances. Like they were bonded somehow.
"So, uhm… tonight was great.", she offered as they finally stood at her front door.
"It was not entirely unpleasant.", he agreed.
He wasn't sure what do say now. A simple 'good-night' did not feel sufficient.
She was chewing on her lower lip and looking at him. Did she maybe also not quite know what to say?
"I have that article inside.", she finally mentioned. "The one we talked about earlier. If you want to, I could give it to you."
Well, it had sounded like a compelling article, but what would he do with that right now?
"It's late. I don't think I'd read it tonight. I could get it tomorrow when I come over to your place to work on the next arrangements."
She kept looking at him strangely. "I also have Yoo-Hoo.", she finally added.
Well, why didn't she lead with that?
"It's hard to say no to you… uhm Yoo-Hoo.", he mumbled, hoping she hadn't heard his little slip-up.