Happy New Year's Eve to everyone. May the new year bring us many new Shamy stories!
I am posting early today because I'll be celebrating with my kids in the evening. The next update on Wednesday will probably be a little later than usual.
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I′ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you′ve got no one to tell them to
It's true, I was made for you
Warning: Mentions violent crime.
As It Is In Heaven
Chapter 11 – "The Story"
There they were again. Friends.
This was good.
Now that he had her friendship, he realized how lonely he really had been before.
It felt like a miracle, having her in his life.
Amy.
His friend.
His friend he couldn't stop thinking about. Couldn't stop dreaming of.
His eidetic memory chose to make him replay the way they had kissed. The way she had spoken to him after he had carried her to bed.
And of course, his dream from last night.
It was madness.
Before she had left him in his room in the morning after the uncomfortable encounter with his mother, she had told him, he was welcome to come by her place to hang out any time he wanted.
And oh, how he wanted to.
Especially later, when his mother kept watching him suspiciously.
She watched him when he came back from the bathroom freshly showered. During breakfast. Even while he was trying to distract himself by reading a comic book in the living room.
He wished she would be watching Robbie this closely.
She was probably suspecting all kinds of things that could have happened between Amy and him.
Things like that thing he had dreamt of that night.
Of her soft, warm body underneath him. Oh, dear Lord…
It was impossible to clear his head like that.
So, he mumbled an excuse and made his way to the front door.
"We're having family dinner tonight.", his mother reminded him just before he left. "We used to do that every Saturday. But it's the first one since we lost meemaw. I'd really like to have you there."
Family dinner.
That probably meant, he had to be in the same room as Robbie. Watch him play happy family with his sister.
Oh, how he dreaded that. How would he ever be able to pretend he was okay with this situation?
Sighing, he went outside, shutting the door a little louder than necessary.
And then he walked. Around the block. Once, twice. Always returning to where he had started his walk.
He walked up Amy's driveway, just to turn around and walk away again.
Once, twice, thrice.
He yearned for her company. Her advice. Her presence.
And oh, some other things too.
Things that stopped him from knocking at her door.
Maybe it was too soon to be there again. The house where it had happened. He wouldn't be able to resist her. Especially when she looked at him the way she always did with those damn green eyes.
It wasn't fair, the way she affected him.
So, he sighed and just walked on. To another familiar place.
A place that both made him sad and gave him comfort.
"Meemaw.", he whispered as he sat down in front of her grave. "Oh, why is everything such a mess."
He just sat there in silence, looking at the flowerpots and figurines that people had brought to her last resting place.
Oh, how he wished he could talk to her about the confusing things that were happening in his life.
He wasn't surprised, not even a little bit, when he heard steps. And he did not have to turn his head to know whose voice it was that he heard then.
"We have to stop meeting like this."
He chuckled.
"Hello, Amy.", he said softly. "Take a seat."
She did as he told her and sat down next to him in the grass. Just like the day they met.
"I didn't want to disturb your peace and quiet. I was just about to water the flowers by her grave, like I do every morning. I can go if you want to be alone with her.", she offered.
"No, stay.", he whispered. "She would have wanted you here."
He knew it was the truth. Even if she never told him about Amy – something that still puzzled him – he knew his meemaw would have been thrilled seeing them together.
He closed his eyes and enjoyed the stillness of the morning. Somehow, he enjoyed it even more, now that Amy was here.
How could he ever have seen her as a disturbance? It seemed like years ago when he felt nothing but irritated by her existence, and it was strange that it had only been a little more than two weeks ago.
Two weeks… and she was already becoming the person he liked spending his time with the most.
She was so kind. Patient. Understanding. Encouraging. Honest. Delightful. And in some ways a mystery. How did that woman become part of his life?
That really was an interesting question, he hadn't gotten an answer to until now.
"Amy?", he asked carefully, after opening his eyes and studying her for a while. "How exactly did you end up here in Medford?"
She looked at him surprised but then looked down at the grass again.
"I told you. I was passing through and they needed a science teacher. So, I decided to stay for a while."
"Passing through from where?", he implored.
She sighed.
"Why are you asking me this, Sheldon?"
"Because.", he took a deep breath. "From our recent conversations I can tell you are much smarter than any science teacher I'd ever had. From the way you speak, I know you are clearly not from Texas. You are more similar to me than anyone I've ever met, and I have no idea how you ended up in a place like this."
She cleared her throat.
"You are right. I am not from Texas. I am from Glendale, California."
He turned to her surprised. "That is… very close to where I live."
She nodded.
"I know."
He looked at her more closely. There was a strange expression on her face.
"Why did you leave?"
"Sheldon…", she shook her head.
"Please. You know so much about me.", he pleaded with her. "I want to know who you are. I want to know where you came from."
She sighed deeply.
Well, alright. But it's really not an interesting story."
'I'm not that interesting.' That's what she had said. Oh, didn't she realize by now how fascinating she was to him?
"Why don't you just tell me and let me decide if it's interesting?"
Their eyes met and she gave him a weak smile.
"Alright. Like I said, I am from Glendale, California. Except for the time when I was in college, I have lived there all my life up until a few years ago."
It was hard to imagine her living so close to him for so many years. Why had they never met? Why had no one ever introduced him to her? How come they had to meet here in Medford instead?
"Go on."
"There's not much to say about that time. I was… uhm… not a happy person. I was… very lonely.", she confessed, and she said it in such a sad voice, he couldn't stop himself from taking her hand into his to comfort her.
"I know what it feels like to be lonely.", he told her.
She nodded.
"I've tried to make friends all my life.", she continued. "But at some point, I gave up. All I did was work and spend my evenings alone. Well, not all of them. I dated once a year. That was an agreement I had with my mother."
"Mothers, huh.", he scoffed, rolling his eyes. At least all his mother had asked him to do was go to church once a year. "So, what happened then? You just had enough and left?"
She seemed to be scrambling for words.
"Well… One day, it was a little more than nine years ago, I was supposed to meet someone. But that person did not show up. I waited for a while. I started reading a book and I lost track of time. When I realized, I had been stood up, it was already dark outside. So, I grabbed my things and went home. And then… I was…", she swallowed thickly. "I was mugged."
"Mugged?", he asked in shock, already imagining what could have happened to her. Even if it was so long ago, he was worried for her. And he was furious with the person who had stood her up and caused this.
"Yes. Mugged. I was walking home. As I said, it was dark. The streets were empty. Except this guy. Out of the blue, he had a gun pointed at me and made me give him my purse. I don't usually carry much cash with me, and I don't wear jewelry and when the guy realized, there wasn't much to get from me, he got angry."
Sheldon could see there were tears forming in Amy's eyes, so he scooted a little closer and tightened his grip on her hand.
"Did he… hurt you?", he asked carefully.
She took a deep breath.
"I don't really remember but the police report says he must have hit me over the head with his gun. I had a severe head wound and lost quite a bit of blood but other than a concussion, I was okay. Shortly after, I left the hospital and then went on with my life, but I… well, I just couldn't. As much as I kept telling myself that nothing had really happened, I just wasn't able to continue like I did."
"You must have been so scared.", Sheldon realized as he thought back to the time when someone had broken into his apartment and he had wanted to move to Bozeman, Montana. And he hadn't even been in real danger.
I know a thing or two about death scares.
It made sense now.
"Yes. I was scared. But… it was more than that.", she confessed. "I kept asking myself, what if he had shot me? What if I had died that day? My life was so dull. It felt like I never really lived. I had never really travelled. I had never been in love. I never had the guts to try new things. I kept saying no to… life. To everything. And when this… incident… happened, I just thought, this can't be it. There must be more to life."
"So… you started traveling?", he asked. "Went to see the world?"
"Yes.", she answered and turned to him surprised. "How…"
"I have a confession to make.", he said sheepishly. "Last night… I saw the photo album on your dresser. It was open. So… I skimmed through it. I'm sorry. I was just curious."
"You were curious… about me?", she smiled softly.
"Of course.", he stated. "And I must say… bungee jumping? Are you out of your mind?"
She laughed heartily. "I have to admit, that one was not my best idea. But… I had made a promise to myself."
"A promise?"
She nodded.
"A promise to say yes more often. Yes to life. Yes to new experiences. First to travelling. I used up my vacation days that I had saved up over the years. It started with little trips here and there, but it wasn't enough. It did not make me happy. So… I quit my job and kept travelling the world. I said yes to new languages. Yes to jobs I would have never considered. Yes to strange food and different cultures."
"And that made you happy?", he asked, remembering how sad she had looked in her pictures.
"Well…", she hesitated. "On the surface, it did. For a while. But I still felt lonely. I just… I guess I never learned how to make friends. I made acquaintances. But just like it always had been, people weren't really interested in getting to know me. I guess… I'm too much work."
"Their loss.", he snorted, which earned him a big smile.
"You said you only dated once a year.", he said before he could stop himself. "When did that change?"
"That is another thing I started saying yes to. As much as I never enjoyed the dates, I went on per my agreement with my mother… Deep inside, I was still hoping, I would find someone. I… I don't want to end up alone. So… I made a promise to myself to at least try. When a man asks me out, I go out with him. Try to get to know him, see if we have things in common."
He nodded again.
Part of him wanted to know more. Had she ever found someone she could have pictured spending her life with? Had she fallen in love with someone? Someone who had broken her heart?
He was still trying to make sense of the thing she had said to him the night before.
But another part of him was scared to hear the truth. No, he did not want to picture Amy pining for another man.
"I still don't know how you wound up here.", he said instead.
"Well…", she sighed. "After years of travelling aimlessly and still not really finding happiness, I decided to give up. I decided to go on one last road trip. The Gulf Coast. From Florida to Texas. And then I wanted to fly back to California from there. I was on my way to the airport when I passed through Medford. I told you the rest already. I took this job. And met Connie. And…", she smiled softly. "I was happy. For the first time in my life. She… she changed my life in so many ways."
He could see her gaze shift to the grave in front of them and in his mind, he thanked his meemaw for taking care of this unique person and bringing her into his life.
"You two became friends instantly?", he asked as he tried to picture it. Oh, what he would have given to see meemaw and Amy together.
"Pretty much.", she nodded. "I asked her about it a while later. And she said the sweetest thing."
"Tell me.", he demanded.
Amy smiled and kept looking at the grave when she answered.
"I told her how she was the first person to really be my friend. And how everyone else always said I'm weird. She laughed and said…", Amy took a deep breath and said the next thing trying to sound like his meemaw. "'Oh, darling. You are weird. But lucky for you, I learned to love your kind of weird many years ago.'"
Sheldon smiled fondly. It was not hard to figure out, what his meemaw had meant by that.
Oh, he still missed her so much.
He looked at the woman next to him. Finally, he knew a little more about her. And while he hated the thought of her unconscious in some dark alley, he was nothing but amazed by what he had heard about her life after that.
"You're so brave.", he told her. "The only thing I did after nearly dying was moving back in with my mother. I guess, I am not a person who is capable of saying yes to new things like you did."
She shook her head.
"Oh Sheldon. You're wrong. Your heart attack was only weeks ago and already you've said yes to so many new things. Moving here. The choir. Helping your sister. Befriending a strange woman. You are brave, Sheldon. More than you realize."
He studied her, unable to stop thinking that there was something else he really wanted to say yes to. Maybe with time he would be brave enough to do that as well.
"So, that job you did back in California.", he inquired. "What was it? Because I don't mean to insult your profession, but you seem much too competent to be a science teacher in East Texas."
She hesitated.
"I do… have a background in science."
"I knew it!", he exclaimed. "Tell me more, Amy. What exactly did you do?"
He felt so excited. Already picturing hanging out at her place, spending hours talking science.
But she shot down his enthusiasm immediately.
"Sheldon, that is in the past. I left it behind. And I do not wish to talk about it."
But… that was crazy.
"Don't you miss it?", he asked softly. "Science?"
"I miss it every day.", she confessed. "That's why I don't want to talk about it. The life I have now is so much happier. Even if I had to sacrifice a few things for it. Maybe someday I'll go back to it. But for now, I teach science at Medford High. That's all you need to know."
Sheldon shook his head. Giving up science? That was unthinkable.
He was dying to know more.
What did she mean, a science-related field? It could be everything from a lab assistant to an award-winning physicist. Although, the first thing seemed unlikely, judging by her knowledge. And if she was the latter, he would surely have met her, if she lived in Glendale.
Oh no… what if…
"You're not a geologist, are you?", he asked carefully.
She raised her eyebrows at him.
"I don't know why you would ask that. But no. I am not a geologist."
"Engineer?", he implored.
She giggled. "No."
"Good.", he nodded. "In that case, I can let it go. For now."
Only then he realized, he was still holding her hand. Their fingers were intertwined – when did that happen?
But it did not bother him. It did not feel wrong.
"So…", he cleared his throat. "You didn't have any friends in California? It's hard to imagine, considering how much everyone loves you here. And how fast you became my friend."
She grinned at him. "Right? And just think how hard you fought it."
He grinned. Yes, she was right about that.
"What about you?", she asked him then. "Was it hard, leaving your life in Pasadena?"
His smile turned into a frown.
"I uhm… I mean I miss working, even though I haven't really been successful in a while, it is kind of all that I know."
"Really?", she inquired. "No friends? No… special lady?"
He shook his head.
"I used to have friends. Great friends.", he confessed, ignoring her second question. A special lady? That was preposterous.
But he proceeded to tell her, how his old friends had moved on and started families. Abandoning him in the process.
"Even before they all started to have kids. Our dynamic just changed. First it was just the occasional date night instead of hanging out at my place. But more and more, I was sitting home alone while Leonard was across the hall with Penny, Howard was with Bernadette and Raj, well, he went on his unsuccessful endeavors to find himself a girlfriend."
It was hard to think about it. How often had he wished, he too had someone he could spend his time with. Not a girlfriend. Of course not. Just someone in his corner. Someone he could share a meal with, maybe talk to about the troubles in his career. Someone who would get him. And someone to do fun things with while the others were doing relationship stuff.
It was when he had realized that he had gone soft. When had this happened? Since when did Sheldon Cooper need anyone? He was Homo Novus. Solace had always been his friend.
And that was, when he started to pull away from everyone.
Rebooted his system. To a place when he still functioned in this world.
Without being sentimental. Without friends. Focused on science. After all, science had never abandoned him.
"That can't have been easy for you.", she finally interrupted his thoughts.
"It wasn't.", he confessed.
If only he had known her then. She had lived so close to him.
Could she have been the person he had been looking for?
He tried to imagine, what his life would have been like, if she had been his friend then.
Or maybe… more?
She had shared things with him today. And even though there were still many unanswered questions, he liked this. Getting a clearer picture of who this woman was.
And once again, she had managed to make him open up to her. Tell her things he had kept secret for a long time.
Images of their kisses entered his mind. He tried shaking them off, to no avail.
Finally, he swallowed deeply and looked at their hands again.
"Amy, we are having a family dinner tonight. Missy and Robbie will be there. So will Georgie and his girlfriend.", he said. "Apparently, this is happening every Saturday. But this is the first since meemaw's death. Would you like to join us? As… my friend, I mean?"
She beamed at him.
"Really, Sheldon? You're inviting me to your family dinner? Do you think your mother is okay with it?"
He nodded.
"Of course. You said, meemaw used to bring you and everyone was okay with that. Why would this be any different? Unless…", he paused and took a deep breath. "Unless of course you are going on a date tonight. I don't mean to keep you from it."
"I'm not.", she answered quickly. "In fact, how would you feel if I'd decide to put dating on ice… for a while."
He could see her eyes shifting to their joined hands now as well.
He knew he did not have the right to it. But the thought of her going out with someone else after what happened the night before…
"I think, I'd feel… relieved.", he admitted.
"Alright.", she nodded. "What about you?"
He furrowed his eyebrows.
"What about me?"
"Sheldon.", she gulped. "Would you be willing to not date any other women as well? While we are getting to know each other?"
Other women? What was she talking about? Was she out of her mind?
"Why would I date anyone who isn't you?", he blurted out before even thinking about it.
She just blinked at him and cleared her throat audibly.
"Well, uhm… That… that's settled then.", she stammered.
He noticed her cheeks had turned slightly pink and her lips had formed a beautiful smile.
Suddenly he felt the urge to kiss her again and it took all his strength not to follow through.
It was already hard to explain to himself that they were friends who spent almost all their time together, casually held hands and agreed not to date other people.
He couldn't just kiss her on top of all that.
But oh, how he wished he could.