I haven't written an entry in a while, and doing one right now, while I'm out of the house with people I care about, is super risky. But what good is life if you don't take a risk or two during it?

It's Christmas Eve. I'm currently in Alexis's bedroom, and her small Christmas gathering is going on in the living room. You're out there with everyone, enjoying yourself with your chosen family. I don't think you've ever been happier than you are now. I don't think *I've* ever been happier. Everything is…fine! And I mean it when I say it!

These past few days have been so wonderful and magical: maybe it's the holiday cheer, maybe it's the fact that I'm (slowly) getting my family back, maybe it's the fact that I'm in a happy relationship. Or maybe it's all of those things. I've achieved a level of stability I haven't really experienced in a long time, and I want to stay in the moment for as long as I possibly can.

This party has been nothing short of fun and bright, and maybe I'm jumping the gun a bit, but I'm getting a glimpse into what could be my long-term future. If my future with you includes Sam and Dante in domestic bliss, TJ and Molly bragging about their amazing careers, and Dex and Kristina being the fun, young duo, then I can't wait! I'm as giddy as I am calm right now, excitement mixed with an amazing sense of peace. The feeling's swallowed me whole, and I want nothing more than for this serenity to last.

We were all over town with gift delivery: Cam's house, Sonny's penthouse, Ava's old apartment, and now here. I'm happy that Cam's in a much better place now, helping Aiden decorate his Christmas cookies and playing a few Christmas songs on his guitar for everyone to enjoy. Sonny's doing okay too, celebrating with Nina and his cousin Brando's family, and Ava's enjoying her first major holiday with Avery since officially separating from your father. The loved ones in our life are having a good holiday, and besides the here and now, that's all the good of today.

Unfortunately, when it comes to us, there's always some kind of bad.

I got Joss's text around 11 AM, while we were at Cam's house. Ever since our fallout, I haven't answered any of her calls and I've only responded to a few texts. Most of them were just check-ins, asking how I was doing, etc. This one, however, reminded me of why I've been keeping my distance from her…and why I should be more careful about who knows what.

In reality, I should be pissed. I should be sitting here and typing up how annoyed I am that Joss thinks who I spend my time with (and how we choose to spend it) is any of her business. I should be rolling my eyes at my mom's text that came just minutes after hers, concerned that I could get hurt again. I should be…overwhelmed with rage at all the unwanted opinions about my love life.

But you know what? I don't care.

I didn't respond to Joss's text, nor did I respond to my mom's. I sat there, my hand in yours, listening to Cam's acoustic cover of "White Christmas." I didn't check my phone while we were at Sonny's, and I didn't check it when we visited Ava. I didn't want to deal with it: partly because it's the holidays and partly because I'm just not into explaining myself anymore.

I know you hurt me, I know what you did to me. I was the victim, and it's my call and my call alone on whether or not you get to be in my life. I decided to let you back in, I decided to give you access to my heart again, and I made the decision without any undue influence. Whatever happens as a result is on me.

But so far, everything's great. Being with you is great. Being with your chosen family is great. I don't think we've ever been happier than we are now, and people clearly notice it. The amount of times Alexis has pointed it out never fails to make me giggle, and the amount of times she's said it tonight is frankly incredible.

And truthfully, she has a point.

Before I hid away in Alexis's room under the excuse of using the bathroom, I saw how you interacted with everyone at the gathering. You were relaxing with Dante, TJ, and Dex, talking about anything under the sun. You were helping Kristina, Molly, and Sam with the dinner, and before I walked away, you were sitting on the couch with Alexis, talking about your future. I'm thrilled to know I'm a big part of it!

In the past, I'd spend the week leading up to Christmas Eve decorating the house. My dad would come into town a day or two before, dealing with all items that needed a ladder. My mom and I would cook food and decorate gingerbread houses, and before the night ends, we exchange one gift. It's been a tradition we've engaged in since I could remember, but after certain events, doing all of that was just not something I felt comfortable with. I gave my gift to my dad, I left a few at The Savoy for Curtis and N'Neka, and I snuck one or two under my mom's already-made tree. Maybe we'll pick the tradition up again next year. Maybe.

I probably should go back to the party and mingle amongst everyone. I've been gone longer than I probably should've been, considering going to the bathroom only takes a few minutes or so. I'm sure everyone's wondering where I am, you most of all, and considering this is my first major holiday as your girlfriend, hiding away in the host's room isn't a good look…even if the Davis women know me pretty well anyway. I'm glad I was able to get this out, I'm glad I was able to join you here, and I'm glad that there will be more of this to come.