I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know, that I am
The luckiest

As It Is In Heaven
Chapter 23 – "The Luckiest"

Sheldon couldn't be happier with how things were developing between him and Amy.

Although he knew, they would have to have a serious talk at some point, for now, he really enjoyed reconnecting with her.

Apart from walking to and from choir practice three times a week, they would send each other texts every morning and every night. And on the Saturday after their first date, Amy finally started joining the Cooper family for dinner again.

But of course there were other things too that he had to focus on.

The big competition in Los Angeles was only weeks away and very slowly, everyone was getting nervous.

It didn't help that Ruth and Daniel still hadn't shown up at practice and little by little, Sheldon started to become really worried.

Both Ruth and Daniel weren't their strongest singers, but Daniel was one of the very few men that was actually able to sing the bass register and Ruth always had a calming effect on the rest of the choir.

He had managed to reach Ruth over the phone once, but she had been dismissive.

"Everything's fine, Sheldon, I just need some time. No, I don't know when I'm coming back to the choir. Maybe next week. Yes, I think I'll be back in time for the competition, and I am sure, Daniel will be as well."

"They'll come back, when they're ready.", Amy reassured him on Monday, when they walked home together. "Daniel's revelation was huge. She just needs time to process it. I really hope they get their friendship back at some point though. They must both feel lonely without the other."

He gave her a pained smile. They both knew the truth to this statement.

Their conversation shifted to the program for the competition.

Missy had agreed to sing the song that Sheldon had written for her. The first time she had sang it in front of the choir, everyone had gushed about what a beautiful song it was, and when Amy had revealed that Sheldon had written it, their praise for him had been nearly endless.

But now, he was tasked with writing an arrangement for his own music. Something he had never thought he would have to do.

"If you want to, you can start working on it at my place again.", Amy suggested, before they said their good-byes. "I mean… the piano would be helpful. Right?"

A warm feeling spread out in his chest. Finally, she was letting him into her home again. To use the piano. Nothing else of course. But it felt like an important step.

Nevertheless, on Tuesday he brought over two slices of the pecan pie his mother had made the day before, and he made sure to prepare tea for her, right in time for when she came home from work.

Amy beamed at him, grateful for being pampered a little after a stressful day at work and afterwards she sat down at her harp and helped him with the arrangement of his song.

He did not allow himself to let anything else happen between them that day. Because, as much as he wanted to kiss her good-bye, he had promised himself to make a strict distinction between their date nights and their everyday activities.

He felt, it had to be this way. He needed to reconnect with her on every level and compartmentalizing seemed like the best option to do that.

But only a day later, on Wednesday, he realized, it wasn't that easy.

They walked home from choir practice again and when they stood in front of her house, he saw her chew on her bottom lip – which, as he had learnt, was a sign that she was nervous - before she asked if he wanted to watch a movie with her.

It was a very pleasant surprise, and he took it as a sign that she was finally letting him in again.

Literally in. Into her house just as back into her life.

He hadn't expected though, how challenging it would be, watching a movie with her.

Sitting there next to her on the same couch where they had been so intimate with each other all those months ago.

His eidetic memory reminded him of every sound, every scent, every touch, while he was trying to focus on the movie in front of them.

And when she shifted closer to him, after the popcorn bowl had been emptied, he really had no other choice than wrap one arm around her.

From the corner of his eye, he could see her head turn to him and when their eyes met, their lips melted together. The movie was forgotten.

He enveloped her with both his arms as she moved her hands to his face. Their mouths were moving against each other, only tentatively at first, but then she lowered herself on the couch and pulled him with her.

Oh, dear Lord, he was slowly losing his mind with this woman. Her lips, so soft and inviting. Her eyes, so beautiful and full of desire. Her body underneath him, her legs around his hip. He could stay like this forever, kissing her until the end of time.

His hands were moving of their own volition, tracing her curves.

She was humming into his mouth, and he knew he was about to lose control.

So, he put a stop to it. Not because he wanted to, but because he had to.

"Amy…", he breathed out, pressing his forehead against hers. "I hate to say this, but… we cannot let this happen. Not like this. Not when we are still figuring things out."

"You're right.", she agreed, although her voice was full of regret.

"I should go now.", he continued, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do.

She just nodded as she got up with him and straightened out her clothes before she walked him to her front door.

"I'm looking forward to our date tomorrow.", he said then.

She stood on her tip toes and kissed his cheek. "Me too.", she agreed.

"Sheldon?", she called after him just before he crossed the street.

He turned around.

"Thank you. For stopping what was happening. I would not have been able to."

He smiled weakly. Stopping just now had been one of the hardest things he had ever had to do. He loved how close they were getting again, but he knew, as much as they were enjoying themselves, they would have to talk first, before moving forward.

"I did not want to stop.", he admitted. "But I want to do this right. We are not in a rush. And I need you to be able to trust in us completely, before we can let anything like this happen again."

She smiled at him and nodded before he finally went home.

As he was lying in his bed that night, Sheldon wasn't able to wipe the smile off his face. It was a very different feeling to the week before when he was nervously anticipating their date night. This time, he was only looking forward to picking Amy up the next day.

And a little later, when she entered his dreams again, it was a dream without fear or guilt or desperation.

For the first time in months, there was only Amy, on her couch, kissing him sweetly before leading him to her bedroom.

He woke up with a grin plastered on his face.

They would get there again eventually. He was almost sure about that.

The time for their second date was approaching and he met Amy a little earlier in the afternoon , just after she came back from work, and they drove to Tyler, where the State Fair was held.

They weren't as dressed up as the week before, and maybe that was one of the reasons why he felt comfortable the second he got into the car with her.

He could get used to that. Driving in a car with her, visiting places, spending time just the two of them.

While the State Fair really wasn't his favorite place to visit, he saw the excitement in Amy's eyes and that was enough for him to enjoy the day as well.

He let her take the lead this time. After all, she had been here the year before and the whole thing had been her idea in the first place.

Luckily, she did not drag him to the scarier rides, but instead they had fun on the slides, the bumper cars and the spinning teacups.

He couldn't remember a day in his life, when he had laughed this much.

"We could take a look at the farm animals.", she suggested at some point, and when they did, he was hardly able to pull Amy away from the piglets.

"Aren't they cute?", she cooed as they watched them running around together.

"I guess.", he shrugged. "But they are no koalas."

"You like koalas?", she asked as she turned to him. "I did not know that."

"They are my favorite animals.", he admitted. "Always have been. I went to the zoo all the time when I was still in California."

"Me too.", she said. "I always went there to look at the monkeys."

He squeezed her hand softly, thrilled that even after so many conversations, there were still new things to discover about her.

They strolled the food row then, where Amy insisted on trying as many kinds of different foods as possible.

"My mother would always pack sliced vegetables on the rare occasions she took me to any place like this.", she explained, another thing he hadn't known about her before.

Sheldon didn't have to be asked twice.

He enjoyed the view of Amy digging in like this, and once their bellies were filled with tacos, chili dogs, cornbread, sausage on a stick, baked potatoes and turkey legs, they had to sit down for a bit.

"Ugh, I'm so full.", Amy complained. "And we haven't even visited the desserts stands yet."

"It's still early.", he told her. "We can come back to the food section after playing some games. I saw they have ring tossing. I could try to win you a stuffed animal."

"Uh-huh.", she replied and when he looked at her, he could see she hadn't been listening.

"Hide, quickly.", she whispered-shouted before she pulled him off the bench they were sitting on and made him crouch down behind a big trash can.

"What's happening?", he managed to ask, before Amy shushed him and pointed to the left.

He turned his head and then his mouth fell open.

There was Ruth. With Daniel.

Walking together, holding hands, both holding a candied apple in their free hand.

They looked so happy, and just before they walked past them, Daniel pulled Ruth closer by her hand and kissed her cheek softly.

Sheldon and Amy exchanged shocked glances, as the old couple passed them by.

"Do you think they saw us?", Amy asked as they finally sat back down at the bench.

"I don't think so.", he shrugged. "Wouldn't they at least have said hello?"

"Oh, this is so wonderful.", Amy sighed. "They were so caught up in their own world, they didn't even notice us. Finally, after all this time. Now they're getting their happily ever after."

He had to smile, seeing how over the moon Amy was for their friends.

"I just hope this means they'll come back to the choir now.", he grumbled nonetheless, which earned him a light slap on the shoulder.

They decided to skip the games then and just went to get some kettle corn and cotton candy for the ride home.

But as they got closer to Medford, the conversation started to die down and both of them seemed to be pondering their next step.

This was it, Sheldon thought to himself.

Their second date was almost over. This was where all of Amy's relationships – if you could call them that – ended. Had he done enough? Was she starting to trust him again? Would there be a next date?

They walked up to her front door, but instead of reaching for the door, Amy turned to him and bit her lips.

"Sheldon… it's still early. Why don't we sit outside for a while and talk?"

A little warily he nodded and took a seat next to her on the little bench on the porch.

"What do you want to talk about?", he asked her carefully, although he supposed he knew the answer to that question.

"Well…", she started. "We went on two dates now. And I want you to know, I enjoyed every second of it. I think they were the best dates I have ever been on. I had so much fun with you."

Oh no… he had heard of this conversation from his friends over the years many times. Even when it hadn't interested him then.

"Is this the part where you tell me, it was nice, but you want us to stay friends?", asked carefully.

"Not at all.", she answered quickly. "Our connection is so strong. I never thought I could feel this way. But Sheldon, a part of me is still scared. I am sorry, I know this is not what you wanted to hear."

"It's okay. I want you to be honest with me.", he answered quickly. "So… you need more time?", he asked, already dreading her answer.

He had never been good with giving people more time for an answer.

"No… No, Sheldon. I don't need more time to realize how I feel about you. But I need you to understand why this is so hard for me."

"I know, Amy.", he admitted. "I know I hurt you. I know you are disappointed in me. And I deserve it. I get it. I just wish…", he sighed. "I wish you could forgive me. We are so good together."

She smiled sadly.

"I don't need to forgive you, Sheldon. Because I was never really mad at you in the first place. I am not doing this to punish you. I am not letting you jump through hoops to prove yourself to me, if you thought I was."

"Well, if you were, it would be justified.", he argued.

"No, please don't think like this, Sheldon. You made a mistake, but you did not hurt me on purpose. It wasn't your fault. You were overwhelmed. No, traumatized really. Who wouldn't be with what you went through. So, how could I be mad at you?"

"Amy…"

To his horror, he saw tears forming in her eyes.

"You just need to understand…", she said, her voice shaking. "That even if I wasn't attacked that morning, seeing what happened to you was traumatizing for me too. I… I'm still having nightmares about you, lying on the ground, covered in blood, a gun pointed at your head. I… I'm sorry. I shouldn't… I didn't want to remind you of this right now."

"It's okay.", he insisted. "We can talk about it. In fact, I learned that talking about it makes it less scary."

She nodded.

"There was nothing I could do to help you. I felt so helpless and scared for you. He was killing you, Sheldon. I stood there, about to lose you forever and there was nothing I could do to stop it."

There were tears streaming on her face now, so he tentatively pulled her close.

"And then…", she sniffled into his shirt. "After it was finally over, you pulled away. And I couldn't talk about what I saw to anyone. I mean, who would I have talked to about this? I couldn't make it about me. Your family had enough on their plate being there for you. You were the victim here. But I had nightmares of you dying all the time. And I can't even imagine what your nightmares looked like. I just wish, I could have been there for you. It's like… I know technically you've never been truly mine, but still, losing you was the worst thing I've ever felt in my life."

"Oh, Amy.", he felt tears trickling down his own cheeks now. "You want to know what I dreamed about after the attack? I dreamed about you. Every night. About the things he said. He was threatening you, Amy. You came outside to help me, and it almost destroyed your life. I should not have been at your place at all. That's all I could think about. That you would have been better off if you had never met me."

Amy was shaking in his arms, and he tightened his grip around her.

"Well, and I kept thinking…", she finally continued. "I wish you'd just stayed in bed with me that morning. He wouldn't have attacked you then."

"Maybe not.", he said. "But you heard what he threatened to do to my family. It was better that it happened the way it did. I'm not a parent. No one's dependent on me. If I had gotten killed that night, sure, people would have missed me. The world of physics would have suffered a great loss. But at the end of the day… no one needs me, Amy."

"You're wrong…", she whispered. "I do, Sheldon. So much it scares me. And when you pulled away like you did, I just… it hurt, Sheldon. Much more than I thought it would. And I didn't know how to deal with it. There was this hole in my life. I… I need you, Sheldon. I still do. But while I do understand why you needed distance, I can't figure out why you had to shut me out for so long. I feel like there's a piece of the puzzle missing here. And I am terrified I might have to go through it again. I just… I think it would help if I could understand it."

"Well…", he sighed. "You are right. At first, I just needed distance to process what had happened. But the longer I waited, the more I convinced myself that I am not good for you in general. I am not an easy person to be with. Social interactions have always been… challenging for me. Most of the time I cannot tell how other people are feeling or what they need from me. And I have been told repeatedly that I am not a very good friend."

She nodded thoughtfully. "For what it's worth, you have always been a great friend to me."

"That's good to hear.", he smiled at her. "And I have no idea why, but being your friend has not been hard at all. But I guess part of me was afraid of letting you down or not being the man you need, if we moved forward. This thing between us is scary. Not just for you."

"I guess, that means…", she mumbled. "If we want to move forward with this, I will have to make sure to let you know how I am feeling or what I need from you."

"That would make things easier, yes.", he agreed. "And also…"

He bit his lip. This was not an easy topic for him.

"Tell me.", she encouraged him. "Sheldon, I'd rather hear these things now than having you freak out about them later and shutting me out again."

He swallowed deeply.

"I've always been… uncomfortable with… physical contact.", he admitted.

She looked confused for a second. Of course, she would be confused, after all he had already been very physical with her a few months ago. And almost again last night.

It felt almost ridiculous, telling her this, while he was holding her in his arms. So, he continued to explain.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Amy. I haven't been uncomfortable with you at all. Quite the opposite. But I cannot guarantee that it will always be like this. I might not feel the need to ravish you every night or maybe I might become occupied with other things, so I won't think about it at all, or…"

"Sheldon.", she interrupted him. "This should be the last thing for you to worry about. What happened between us that beautiful night, it meant the world for me. But it is not my top priority. If it was, I wouldn't have gone almost forty years without having sex. I am interested in a real connection with someone who gets me. I am sure, we can figure out the rest."

"But what if I… fail to keep you satisfied?", he whispered.

She grinned.

"For the slim chance this will ever be a problem, I promise I will talk to you about it, and we will find a solution."

"You make it sound so easy.", he said softly. "But I fear that I won't be good at this. I fear I will hurt you and frustrate you. I tried to convince myself, you would be happier without me. That's why I tried so hard to stay away, Amy. But I couldn't. I guess…", he shrugged. "I guess, I need you too. More than I would have ever thought."

"Good.", she smiled at him softly. "Thank you for being honest with me, Sheldon. This was very important to me."

"So, you're no longer scared?", he clarified.

"Not as much as I was before.", she admitted. "I guess, when you pulled away, my biggest fear was that maybe… maybe you didn't…", she hesitated and looked away from him.

"That maybe I wasn't genuine that night when I told you how much you mean to me. Because you tend to get insecure.", he nodded in understanding. "It's not the first time I noticed that."

"It's just…", she sighed. "I went for such a long time without having any friends. Growing up, apart from my family, no one ever really cared about me. Sometimes other kids acted like they did, but then they just made fun of me. The things you said to me that night and then again at the hospital, they sounded almost too good to be true and sometimes, I have a hard time believing, anyone would see me that way."

He did not like hearing this, but he understood.

"Well, I hope you believe me that I do see you this way. Because I always have. And I am very serious about this.", he emphasized.

"I do believe you.", she nodded. "But I cannot promise I won't feel insecure about it again at some point. I know this does not make things easier."

He cupper her cheek and made her look at him again. "You are right. It does not. We both have issues that could make this harder. But I guess, now that we know them… we can act accordingly. I will just have to reassure you whenever you get insecure and show you how much you mean to me. Because I was serious about everything I said to you, Amy. I still am."

She looked at him seriously. "That's good to know."

"So, are you saying, we can go out again next week?", he finally dared to ask again. "Because I really want to. Next week and the week after that and forever long you let me. I think, we could be really good together."

She nodded frantically. "Alright.", she said. "Alright, let's do this then. Let's go on a date again next week. And the week after that. And let's spend time together in between too. Like we used to. Let's take back what we had and explore how good we could be together."

Oh, the relief he felt.

"Thank you.", he mumbled, still gazing into her eyes. "Thank you for trusting me enough. I will not let you down. I promise."

With that, he closed the distance between them and kissed her gently.

He could feel the smile spreading on her lips as she kissed him back.

It was not as passionate as the day before on her couch. But slowly. Sensually. As if they were sealing their agreement for this new phase of their blossoming relationship.

"So, next week.", he said, smirking at her cheekily. "Your first 'third date'. Any preferences?"

"Let's not make a big deal out of it.", she answered. "I am sure, no matter what we do, we will have a great time. Like we always do. We can just go watch a movie or go out for ice cream. Or both."

"Good.", he nodded. "Let's do that."

They beamed at each other for a minute longer.

"You know… I am really fighting the urge to invite you in.", she then mumbled and bit her lip.

"Oh, please don't.", he groaned. "Because I wouldn't be able to say no."

She giggled. "Good. I guess, that's all I wanted to hear."

She got up then and kissed him sweetly on the lips once more.

"Good night, Sheldon."

He could only stare at her as she went back inside.

What a vixen.