As you might have expected from the last sentence of the last chapter, there will be trouble in paradise for Sheldon and Amy, starting with this chapter, but don't worry too much! The next two chapter won't be easy for either of them, but I promise, they will be in a good place at the end of this story.

On another note, there is a scene in this chapter that really made me cringe when I reread and edited it and my stomach turned a few times. It was so weird, and it had nothing to do with this story. Those of you who are also reading "The Neurobiologist's Evanescence" by ZazzyNerd will know which one I mean, and those who aren't: You should give it a try, it's so good!

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they′re here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
There′s a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly

As It Is In Heaven
Chapter 30 – "Yesterday"

Sheldon was walking on cloud nine. Coming back to Pasadena really had been the best idea ever.

Not only did he have his friends back. But everything else was falling into place too.

Waking up in his room, holding his beautiful vixen in his arms, spending almost all morning in bed with her.

Then, they had a late breakfast together, sitting at the kitchen counter and his heart was pounding in his chest, when he thought about his plans for the day.

The next thing on their schedule was going to the university and he was already looking forward to showing her around his place of work.

But somehow, she seemed to be hesitant.

"Really? The whole afternoon?", she scrunched up her nose. "I mean, I have nothing against meeting your friends for lunch there. But after that, I could think of so many things I'd like to do instead. We could go to the planetarium. Or maybe the zoo. Or you could show me the infamous comic book store."

He was baffled for a second.

No. No, he needed her to want to be shown around. It was necessary for his plan.

Also, why was she so reluctant?

Even if she had worked at a different university… this was her turf too. She must be missing it as much as he was. Right?

"Please, Amy. I really want you to see where I did all my remarkable work. And there are so many people you haven't met yet."

This was a white lie. There was only one person he needed her to meet today. But she did not have to know that.

In the end, she relented, after he promised her to take her out that evening for a date of her choice.

They arrived just in time for lunch, so he took her to the cafeteria first.

So much time had passed since he had been here the last time. He just had to stop for a second and look at the familiar table where he used to spend so many of his lunch breaks.

His three friends were sitting there just as he remembered them. One seat was empty, and he felt his heart stumble, as he realized, they had not replaced him.

They had left this seat open for him all this time. Waiting for him to join them again.

Once Leonard spotted him and Amy, he waved them over and got up to get an extra chair for Amy immediately.

Sheldon reached for Amy's hand under the table and squeezed it as all of them quickly fell into their usual banter. As if no time had passed at all. And he loved that now, she was part of this too.

Just like the night before at his apartment, Amy fit right in and when Raj told her everything about his job at the planetarium, she made Sheldon promise to take her there before they would be leaving for Texas again.

Sheldon smiled softly. This was going even better than he had expected.

"Hey, you should come visit my lab. To take a look at my awesome new proton laser.", Leonard suggested at some point. "Or do you already have the whole afternoon planned out?"

"We might check in later.", Sheldon shrugged. "But Amy is not a physicist, so I thought I could give her a bigger tour. Show her around the other departments too, you know?"

"Really?", Howard asked surprised. "Since when do you acknowledge the importance of other fields? Next thing you'll tell me you're bringing her to my lab. And while you're at it, you could introduce her to Bert too."

Sheldon snorted.

Howard did have a point of course. He was really looking forward to showing Amy his own office. Impress her with all the brilliant work he had been doing. Even though she had said she had read his papers, it surely was more impressive, seeing it up close.

But the thing was, he was following his plan. He was making sure, the future he was hoping for would actually be happening.

So, after walking for an hour and showing her around the library, visiting Howard, taking a look at the chemistry department and – because he ran into Bert and couldn't really get out of it – suffering through taking her to one of the geology labs, he finally had her where he wanted her.

He had barely knocked at the door, when he heard an excited voice.

"Dr. Cooper. And you…", the tall, older man turned to Amy. "You must be Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler. I am Dr. Gunderson, head of the biology department. It is an honor to meet you. I used to follow your work religiously. Your paper on nicotine addiction was fascinating. I have wanted to talk to you face to face about it since forever. Please, do come in."

Amy gave Sheldon a strange look but followed him into Dr. Gunderson's office.

Dr. Gunderson proceeded to tell Amy all about the recent work of the department, explained the current studies that were being conducted and at last showed her the new lab equipment they had apparently just gotten.

Under different circumstances, Sheldon would have been mad because so much money was wasted with other departments, but not today.

He could see Amy's eyes light up when she saw the brand-new MRI machine.

Oh, he just loved it, when a plan worked out.

At the end of the tour, Dr. Gunderson gave Amy his business card, emphasizing what an honor it would be, to keep in contact with her and that there would always be a place for her here in his department if she was interested.

"Sheldon, did you set this up?", she whispered to him, as they finally left.

His right eye started twitching. "Why… uhm… why would you ask that?", he implored as innocently as he could muster up. "But hey, wasn't this exciting? I mean, all that lab equipment. All those studies. Doesn't it remind you about how great science really is?"

"Well… I guess… but Sheldon…"

She didn't finish the sentence as they were finally walking back to the physics department now, heading directly to his office.

"But… what?"

She looked at him strangely again.

"Nevermind. So… this is your office?"

He opened the door for her, and his heart missed a beat as they entered the familiar room.

Nothing had changed.

His whiteboard was still in place. On it were the equations he had been working on… on a day he really did not want to remember.

It all came back to him. At once he could feel his palms getting sweaty. Fear crawling up his spine.

"Uhm…", he said, suddenly feeling sick at the memory. "Maybe… maybe we shouldn't be here. I mean… Leonard wanted us to come over after all."

Amy turned to him and gasped.

"Sheldon… what's wrong? You're so pale. Come, sit down, I'll get you a glass of water."

She ushered him to his desk chair and opened the window.

But just as she handed him a glass full of water, the door was swung open.

"Hey, hey, Cooper. I heard you'd be in today. Finally back from the dead, huh?"

Oh, no… Kripke… not a face he had wanted to see. This was not helping his sudden anxiety at all.

"Hello, Barry.", he said flatly before taking a gulp of his water.

"Barry?", Amy exclaimed, much too cheerful for his taste. "Barry Kripke? The man who saved Sheldon's life? Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you."

With that she practically threw herself into his opponent's arms and Sheldon could only stare at them.

He did not like this. At all. The sleazy smile on Kripke's face as he returned the hug for longer than Sheldon deemed appropriate. His hands moving dangerously low on Amy's back.

Finally, Amy pulled away, and Sheldon stood up instantly, took Amy's hand into his and dragged her a few steps further away from his enemy.

"Barry, let me introduce you to Amy. My girlfriend.", he emphasized the last two words.

"Ooooh, Sheldon Cooper has a girlfriend.", Kripke exclaimed mockingly. "Now that explains everything. I was wondering why we never heard from you. If I had a girlfriend to spend my nights with, I'd probably not waste my time on my theories either."

"It's called sabbatical, Barry.", Sheldon hissed. "I had to take it. Doctor's orders."

"Whatever.", Kripke shrugged. "So, when are you going to be back? I mean, don't get me wrong, working is a lot less stressful without you here, but if I had wanted to win our little rivalry by forfeit, I could have just let you die that day."

"Oh yeah?", Sheldon said, desperately searching for a comeback. "Well, Sheldon Cooper never forfeits. I will be back very soon and with all the theories I've come up with this past year, you won't know what hit you."

This was only partly true of course. While yes, he had worked on some of his theories, and he had made tremendous progress on one or two of them, he had spent much more time and focus, writing sheet music and building a relationship with Amy.

"Anyway, Cooper. I have to get back to work. Glad you're still alive. Winning a Nobel Prize one day will be much sweeter with you having to watch on TV."

With that, Kripke left his office, and Sheldon stood there, his fists clenched and his heart beating almost out of his chest.

He was so upset, he didn't even notice, how quiet Amy had gotten.

They picked up Chinese Food on the way back to his place and he still was going on and on about Kripke and how ironic it was that he had to be grateful to him for saving his life.

He complained about it over dinner and then again while they were cleaning up the kitchen together, but Amy still hadn't said a word.

It was only when he had finally calmed down and was sitting in his spot drinking tea, when she finally opened her mouth.

"Sheldon… I am tired. I think I am going to go to bed. Maybe read a little."

He looked up surprised.

"But… what about our date tonight? You get to pick what we are doing, remember? We could go see a movie. Or if we hurry, we could still catch Rajesh's show at the planetarium."

She bit her lip and at last, Sheldon started worrying that there could be something wrong.

"Uhm… If you don't mind, I would like to postpone. Like I said, I am really tired. But if you want to go out, why don't you just call Leonard? I am sure you two still have a lot to catch up on."

Sheldon shook his head confused.

This did not make any sense. Why would she be so tired? She had gotten just as much sleep as he had. And in the morning, she had been so excited to go on a date.

Oh no. Was she getting sick again?

Well, whatever it was, he was not going to leave her here all by herself.

"No, it's okay.", he told her. "I'll go to bed too. The competition is tomorrow night. It won't hurt to be well rested. And maybe tomorrow we can go do something nice together during the day."

He couldn't exactly say why, but he had the feeling, Amy was less than elated about this.

He let her use the bathroom first, and when he went to join her in bed, she did not even look up from her book.

Alright, now he was sure something was wrong.

"Amy…", he said softly and waited until she looked at him, before he continued. "Something is going on. Talk to me. Please. Did I upset you in any way?"

"I don't know what you mean.", she said, but her voice sounded strange. "I'm just… reading. Like I said I would be."

"You promised, Amy.", he insisted. "Remember? The night of our second date? You promised you would always tell me how you feel and what you need from me. I can tell something is bothering you. I just cannot tell what it is."

Finally, she put the book back on the nightstand and turned to him fully.

She bit her lip again and he could see a painful expression forming in her eyes.

"Sheldon…", she sighed. "Are you planning on moving back here? Like… soon?"

It was something that they had never talked about before, and he wasn't prepared for this direct question.

"Uhm…", he replied not really sure how to go on about this. "Well, you know I am only on sabbatical, right? I only moved to Medford temporarily. It was always the plan for me to move back here eventually."

"Oh.", she replied and turned on her back. He could see her starting to blink rapidly.

"Amy…", he said softly. "I thought you knew. I kept this apartment for a reason. And while I don't have to come back right away, it has been almost a year now. My bosses won't keep my job open for me forever."

She took a deep breath.

"I guess a part of me was aware of this. Theoretically at least. But Sheldon, you never said anything. We finally got together and with all the things you said to me… You practically moved in with me into the house you own. We talked about what to do with Connie's room. I don't know. Somehow, I assumed you were planning on staying… for good."

He gulped. Well, if she put it like that… it did make sense.

"I guess…", he started tentatively. "I did not really think about going back for a long time. Maybe because I was so unhappy here before I left. But I never considered… not coming back at all."

"Aren't you happy in Medford?", she whispered. "With me?"

"Of course I am.", he insisted. "But Amy… I'm a scientist. I dedicated my whole life to being a theoretical physicist. I cannot just be the conductor of a small-town church choir for the rest of my life."

She nodded.

"I understand. But… I don't know… what… what does that mean… where does it leave… what about…"

What about us?

Her silent question was hanging in the air.

"I thought… I was hoping you would be moving here with me.", he suggested. It was the perfect solution, wasn't it?

"Don't be ridiculous.", she brushed him off.

"Why would this be ridiculous?", he implored. "Amy, you are brilliant. I've read all your work. You belong at a university just as much as I do. Not some High School in East Texas. CalTech would hire you in a heartbeat."

She turned to him again, this time he could see tears in her eyes.

"So that is what today was about. Introducing me to Dr. Gunderson. Showing me the labs and all this fancy equipment. You did not just want me to see where you work. You've planned this. You want me to leave Medford and work at CalTech."

He couldn't figure out what she was thinking about all that.

"Well, don't you think it would be perfect?", he asked. "We could live together in this apartment and work together at CalTech. You could work with the best of your field, and I am sure you would make department head in no time. Maybe we could collaborate some time. I can picture it already."

She shook her head, and he could see the pain and sadness in her eyes.

"I left that life behind, Sheldon. I am happy where I am now."

He gasped.

"How can you be happy? You told me once that you miss science. You said you miss it every day. You are not using your immense talent. You are letting your mind wither. It is such a waste, Amy. Also, did you not tell me it was only because of me that you haven't left that place already? I assumed you'd be happy to come with me."

She shook her head again. Vehemently this time.

"It's not a waste, Sheldon. Can't you see? Medford is the first place I've ever been happy. Yes, I stayed there longer than I thought I would because of you. But then, I found friends. The choir is like a family to me. I've never had this much when I was still living in California. I loved working in Neurobiology. But I did not love my life. I do now."

"It would be different this time.", he stressed. "You would have me. And my friends. They love you already. If you want to, we can join a local choir. We could both have everything we ever wanted to have. And more."

"Sheldon, stop it.", she almost shouted. "I cannot just replace the people from our choir with another one. And I cannot just give up my life and follow you here. We've only officially been together for a month. We… I guess we failed to talk about how we want our future to look like. And in a way, that is okay. It's way too soon."

What? Was she serious? What about the ring in his suitcase?

"But…", he started. "I strongly disagree. It is not too soon. It does not matter how long we have been dating. We love each other. We belong together."

"Sheldon.", she cut him off. "This might all be true. But you cannot seriously expect me to just leave everything behind and build my whole life around you. I cannot just… lose myself in this relationship. I cannot just give up a job where people are counting on me. They had been searching for a science teacher for a long time until they found me. And what about the choir? What about my friends, Sheldon? Do you really expect me to just let everyone down and follow you blindly into this life where everything is centered around you?"

Well, technically, it was what he had expected. In his mind, everything was falling into place perfectly. He had never expected her to not be on board with this.

"I… I thought you would be happy about this…", he whispered. "I just think that we could have a very happy life here."

"But…", she exhaled shakily. "I thought we are already living a very happy life. I thought you were happy with me. In Medford. With everything we've already built there."

"I was.", he promised and tentatively took her hand in his, sighing relieved when she did not pull away. "I am. I love our life in Medford, Amy. But in the end… there is no place in Medford for a theoretical physicist. I need to work, Amy. I have stayed away from it for so long. But I have to get back to it."

"I know.", she said, and squeezed his hand. "I know you do. I just… I cannot come with you. At least not right now. It's… way too soon to make these kinds of decisions."

"But where does that leave us?", he asked softly afraid of the answer to this question.

"Well…", she took a deep breath. "I don't know. I hate to say this but… maybe… we did not think this whole thing through."

He could see the tears forming in her eyes. Oh no, this was a nightmare.

Not at all how he had planned this day to go.

She was supposed to be thrilled about the opportunity to move here with him and work at CalTech. She was supposed to call Gunderson in the morning and take the job. And after that, she was supposed to say yes when he would finally show her the ring and ask her to be his wife.

"Amy, can we please just forget about this conversation?", he asked desperately. "Please? At least for now? It… it scares me."

She shook her head. "It scares me too, Sheldon. But it's pretty hard to forget about the fact we might not have a…", she stopped talking and sobbed instead.

But it was clear what she had wanted to say.

"No!", he insisted. "Do not say that. We do have a future. We will figure this out. We have to."

"But…", she started again.

His heart was hammering away in his chest, and he had trouble breathing.

"No. No, Amy. Just no. After everything we have been through together, after finally getting together, this cannot just be it. We love each other. And we do not have to make any decisions right now. Please just… let's put a pin into this. There is still time. And we are not thinking clearly right now."

She bit her lip again, and he feared she was about to say something that would break his heart, so he acted without even thinking about it.

He turned on his side and pulled her into his arms.

"Please…", he repeated as he kissed her neck softly. "Please, Amy. Let's not make any rash decisions. Not tonight. All of this… it makes no sense. Nothing makes sense if we lose what we have right now."

She seemed to be resisting at first, but as he kept peppering her face and neck with little kisses, he could feel the tenseness leave her body and after a while he heard her whisper.

"Alright.", she promised him. "Alright, let's not talk about this tonight. But… we need think about this long and hard. We have to figure this out. Really, really soon."

That was all he needed to hear before his lips sought hers.

"Nothing has changed.", he whispered and looked at her seriously. "We are still going back to Texas together in a few days. And we can figure everything out from there. I love you, Amy. And for now, I want this to be all that matters."

"I love you too.", she whispered back.

But for once, he knew exactly what she was thinking.

Was love really enough to solve this situation?

He swallowed hard before he kissed her again deeply, desperately trying to get rid of this weird feeling in his chest.

He did not want to think about the things they had just talked about. They scared him too much.

So, he just focused on her and on the love he felt for her.

He could not imagine ever losing her. His life would never be the same without her.

And right now, she was here with him. Beside him. Kissing him with the same passion he felt for her.

And for a few blissful hours, they really made each other forget about the uncertainty that had suddenly crept up on them.

It was different from all the times they had done this before.

Over and over, he showed her his love. Passionately. Desperately.

He needed her. He needed her more than he had ever needed anyone.

"I love you.", he kept telling her. Whispered it into her ear. Breathed it into her neck. Growled it when he removed her nightclothes.

"I love you too.", she answered every time. And every time, the words sounded more urgently.

As if she felt just as desperate as he did.

It was only later, when they were lying each other's arms, exhausted but still unable to sleep, that he realized the difference to all the other times when he had made love to her.

Tonight, it had felt more bittersweet than happy. As if they were holding on to something they were about to lose.

Something he was not ready to lose.

In his mind, he went over his options.

Was he willing to stay in Texas for her? To give up the life he had in Pasadena?

He had been happy there for the past year. Maybe he could find work at a university in Texas. He could keep conducting the choir as a hobby. Keep living in meemaw's house across the street from his mother and his twin sister.

But after coming back here, he just was not sure if this would be enough for him.

He wanted the life he had just gotten a glimpse of these past two days.

He looked at Amy, who had her eyes closed, but he could see she was not asleep either.

Was it possible that she just needed some time? Would she change her mind about it all? She had seemed happy around his friends after all.

And what if not? How would they ever find a compromise on this?

Finally, sleep overtook him. It was a restless sleep. Full of nightmares, for the first time in months.

And when he woke up in the morning, he had a really bad feeling.

He reached out, but the bed was empty.

Alarmed, he jumped out of bed and almost ran to the living room, where – to his great relief – Amy was sitting on the couch.

She was already fully dressed and seemed to be staring at some spot on the floor.

"Good morning.", he said softly. "I'm really glad you are still here."

She met his gaze and smiled weakly.

"Of course I am still here. I would never just leave without telling you."

"Good."

He sat down next to her.

"But uhm…", she said and took his hand in hers. "Penny called me earlier. She and Bernadette are going out for brunch, and they asked if I wanted to join them. Apparently, they do this once or twice a month. Leave the children with their husbands and go out for brunch."

"Oh…", he replied. "Do you want to go?"

He was not sure, what he wanted the answer to be.

If she went with them, she would strengthen her budding friendship with his friends.

But it would mean that he would not be spending the morning with her. And maybe it would also mean that right now, she preferred, not being around him.

"I…", she replied. "Yes, I do want to go. It… it was nice of them to invite me. And I think… maybe it would be good for us to spend a few hours apart. To… think about some things."

"I see.", he whispered, seeing his worst fear confirmed.

He did not want to think about things. He wanted to forget about their uncertain future and just continue with their love story.

"Sheldon…", she said seriously. "I was thinking… you should move back here. You love your job and your friends. Your life here is so great. And I want you to be happy."

"Wh… what about you?", he asked carefully.

"I am going to stay in Medford, as planned.", she whispered, not looking at him.

His eyes widened. "Are you suggesting that we break up? Do you no longer wish to be with me?"

Tears sprang to his eyes, but she quickly put her arms around him.

"No.", she all but shouted. "Of course not. I could never break up with you. Even if it feels selfish right now, I just know I will always want to be with you."

"Then what are you saying?", he asked, slightly confused.

"I am saying…", she sighed. "As hard as it might be, maybe we have to live apart for a while. It's only a short flight from here to Texas. We could see each other on weekends and holidays. Just until we figure out where to spend our future."

"But… we would no longer be sharing our lives like we are right now.", he protested. "Is that really what you want?"

Her lips trembled.

"No.", she breathed out. "It hurts, just thinking about it. But I don't see another option. I don't want to hold you back. You should not have to give up what you have here. And I am not ready to move here with you. At least not right now."

He tried to picture it. Living in Pasadena without Amy? Only seeing her on weekends and holidays?

It was unthinkable. It was not what he wanted at all.

"I cannot imagine no longer waking up next to you every morning, Amy.", he whispered. "I would feel miserable without you."

"So would I.", she said, no longer able to hold back tears. "But do you have a better idea?"

He did not. At least not right now.

She got up and walked towards the door with him following close behind.

"We don't have to decide this today.", she said, her hand already on the doorknob. "Just… maybe take the opportunity to think about this, while I am out with Penny and Bernadette, will you?"

"Alright.", he said defeated.

She cupped his face with one hand and kissed him softly and he pulled her into his arms.

Soon they were kissing again, as if their life depended on it.

"I love you, Amy.", he told her as he released her finally.

"I love you too.", she murmured sadly before she opened the door and left.

When she was gone, he stared at the apartment door for a long time.

Long distance? Living lives separate from each other?

This was bad. Really, really bad.

She was only gone a few minutes but already his apartment felt painfully empty without her here.

He had to find a better solution than that. He just had to.

What was he supposed to do now? He had no idea. He did not know how to even process all his thoughts.

With shaking fingers, he took out his phone.

"Leonard?", he croaked. "Can I come over?"