A/N: I initially wrote a simpler version of this chapter but I felt it needed more. I got carried away a bit and made it long but I had fun writing it. Hope you enjoy it.
The old man is having some difficulty crossing the street. It appears he is not able to see very well. It is a fairly busy street and vehicles and pedestrians are getting irritated with him as he tries to find his way shuffling along with a slight limp.
A young lad steps up and says.
"Ojisan. Can I help you?"
"You are such a kind young man. Thank you for helping me."
They cross the street rather slowly but the young lad seems to not be bothered by people yelling at them to hurry up. Once they reach the other side, the old man says, "Thank you very much. You are a good lad."
The young man stretches out his hand and says , "Can I have my payment now?"
The old man widens his eyes at the request. He mumbles, "I am sorry, i have no change."
He turns and starts walking away. The young man follows and calls out, "Aren't you rude old man? i helped you and you can't even spare some money for me. It's not like you need it much."
The old man starts walking faster and faster but the young man follows. The old man speeds up more and soon he is practically running. He runs past the next block and then stops and turns around. The young man is no longer in sight. The old man breathes a sigh of relief and then straightens up.
Kyoko, the old man, says, "Damn." and the young man who is none other than Shin stands in front of her. He has taken a side route and overtaken her.
This has become their habit everyday. Each day Kyoko leaves a note for Shin with a location. She then heads off to the location to dress up /act as a character she has created for herself. Shin's role is to
A. Find and identify Kyoko
and B. Get Kyoko to break character.
It was not going well. In fact it was much worse than the last time she had played this game. Kyoko had thought getting out the rut of monotonous "unfeeling" roles that had recently started coming her way in dramas would reinvigorate her acting. Give her some breadth and space to work with. She had tried a waitress at a cafe, an OL, an ER doctor, and this time an old man. But...
"I broke character didn't i?" Kyoko says woefully to Shin.
"Yup" he replies, "A limping shuffling old man can't really outrun a young boy."
Kyoko sighs. 'What is wrong with me? 'she thinks. 'Why did I run off like that?'
"I thought you were an actress. Did you just bribe or threaten your way into roles until now?" Shin asks.
"I didn't for your information" says Kyoko angrily "I earned each and everyone of them."
"Somewhere along the way you just stopped improving?" asks Shin disbelievingly.
"Perhaps" admits Kyoko. "I used to love creating new roles and immersing myself completely into them. Until.." Kyoko stops abruptly. She bites back what she was about to say. 'No no Kyoko' she tells herself 'you cannot open those doors.'
"Ne-san, right then, what were you about to say?" asks Shin.
They find a park bench and sit down. Kyoko says after a long pause, "Don't ask me that Shin. I cannot tell you."
Shin looked at her for a bit and said, "As I expected. Anyway, you did stop improving. In fact, you regressed back into sucking at acting. There is no other explanation."
Kyoko swallows her pride. It is one thing to be told by President Takarada. Quite another to hear those harsh words from a fourteen year old boy.
"But Shin, tell me how did you find me in that crowded street?"
"Ne-san, you always spend so much time creating a perfect character. It is so perfect that I have a hard time spotting you. For example, that limp, the blindness, the bending over, the make up - everything about the old man that you created was perfect. But you called so much attention to yourself by trying to cross the street that immediately I knew it was you. I get the feeling that you want someone to notice you when you are acting."
Shin stresses on 'want' but Kyoko feels like he is saying "You want someone to notice you."
The thought of that someone once again threatens to send her spiraling into darkness. 'No, no Kyoko. Get a hold of yourself.' she tells herself.
"That's just one part of the game. I cannot believe that just by luck you get me to break character"
"It is really very easy." Shin replies. " I just have to get you to feel some strong emotion. I have been living with you for about three weeks now and it has become quite obvious to me that you have great capacity to feel and express emotions. The rare moments when your laughter bursts through, it is quite a sight to behold. And your anger is enough to make the gods tremble in fear. But you have no control over them. Because you have been bottling them up nice and tight that it is always on the verge of bursting. When I asked the old man for payment, what did you feel?"
"I got angry that you are the kind of boy to ask an old man for money."
"Yes. But that was not the old man feeling angry. That was Kyoko-san feeling angry. And you could not control it. You were scared of it. So you did the next best thing - run away."
Kyoko is silent for a moment considering this. She then asks, "So what do you think I should do to improve my acting?"
Shin is taken aback by the honesty and humility in her question. Not many adults he knew would ask or respect a good-for-nothing teenager's opinion about anything.
"Kyoko-ne-san. In order to immerse yourself into your role, you have to immerse yourself in the feelings too. You have to allow yourself to feel the emotions and then transform those emotions into what the character would feel. For example, maybe the old man had a right to feel angry too, if young fellow asked him for money."
Kyoko nods thoughtfully.
Shin continues "If you are able to do that, I believe you will become the best damn actress in all of Japan."
Perhaps it is because Kyoko had already stopped herself from regressing into past memories twice in their discussion. Perhaps Kyoko is unconsciously heeding Shin's advice to allow herself to feel the emotions. Perhaps it is the exact phrase that Shin used -"Best damn actress in all of Japan." Or more likely it is a combination of the three things that tips Kyoko over the edge. The memories and grief start welling up within Kyoko and drowns out all the sounds. Things become too bright and too dark at the same time. Shin, the bench, the street everything disappears engulfed in pitch dark black.
And deep from within the darkness is a voice dripping with hate and bitterness.
"You killed him. " the voice says. "Acting was so much more important to you. So you got rid of the one thing that was stopping you from being free. Well you are free now. Free to be the best damn actress in all of Japan with no interference from me. Goodbye."