Shin pauses a beat before continuing
" I could tell that my mother said those hurtful things not because she meant them. Not entirely. She said those things more out of a sense of guilt at missing my birthday. She had never been a good mother to me. She missed all of my childhood and she hated the fact that I had turned out pretty much worthless. Even with me staying with her, she was incapable of being a good mother to me. And that made her hate herself even more. So she was lashing out at me. I understood all this. But that didn't make things better you see. Here I was thinking that by staying with her, cooking and cleaning for her and in general loving her without asking for anything in return, I would be a good son - a perfect child to her. But I just made her more miserable. I was not just worthless, I was worse than worthless. She was right. I truly did deserve to die. This is what I had decided when I jumped in front of your car. But you crashed your car to avoid me and I thought, 'I can't get even that right. Here I go hurting another person.'
But when you woke up, you smiled at me. You laughed wholeheartedly. You were really happy that I didn't die. And for no reason whatsoever took responsibility for me. Who does that? For a good-for-nothing fourteen-year-old. Anytime I did anything for my real mom, she would be annoyed because it only made her more guilty. But you, even though you didn't care enough to do anything for yourself, you genuinely appreciated even my smallest efforts. That is why I cannot believe anyone as kind as you can kill even a fly, let alone your own child."
'Perhaps it is ok' thinks Kyoko. 'Perhaps it is ok for me to forgive myself? Just a little. Just so I can take care of this kid in front of me. I may not have been a good mother to my unborn child or a good wife to Ren-san. I may not even be a good actress at all. But I think I can be a parent to this kid, who has known very little love all his life. Perhaps I can be happy for just a bit when I see him smile. Just grant me this wish, oh God.'
She reaches forward and hugs Shin, "You are not worthless Shin." she whispers in his ear. "You and I may have lost something really important to us. But we found each other. Let us treasure what we have and move forward."
Shin nods and then says, "Speaking of moving forward, did you get any ideas for improving your acting? If not, I may have a suggestion."
"Well," says Kyoko, "You were right in that every time I get emotional about something, I stop myself because I become afraid. Afraid of lashing out, letting the emotion run out of control as I did just now. So I stop myself. That is why I have become unemotional and cold in my performance. But I don't know how to fix that."
"Which brings me to my suggestion," says Shin. "I think we already established that you are amazing at creating the role. What you need is some reason to stick with the role past the hurdle of experiencing emotions. So, my idea is...," he hesitates a bit, suddenly shy.
"What is it?" Kyoko asks surprised to see the normally poised and in-control Shin at a loss for words.
"Well, how about I create a challenge for the role you will play?" Shin blurts out and then looks eagerly at Kyoko.
Kyoko pauses to think. 'I don't understand what he means. But, it looks like he wants to help. And somehow, I don't have the heart to say no to him.'
"Why don't we try it out?" she says bringing a smile to Shin's face.
President Takarada is on the phone.
"I understand what you are saying. But she is not ready and I don't know if she will ever be," he is saying.
"It has to be her. Given her circumstances, no one else can do the role with more understanding," comes the reply.
"Indeed, I would like to know how you found out about those circumstances."
"Don't worry President Takarada, my sources are discreet and so am I. "
"The situation doesn't have to be so exact for a good portrayal of the role, Producer."
"Yes, someone else could do a good job too. But once I have imagined a person in the role, there is no one else I can allow to play the role."
"I understand that emotion. In that case, are you OK with the idea of never having anyone play the role? Of shelving the project indefinitely?"
There is a pause and then. "President Takarada, you know her better than I do. How likely do you think that is?"
"That is not an answer to my question Producer."
There is a sigh on the other end of the line. "Yes, I am OK. If it is not her, then I will not make the movie at all."
"Understood. If that is how you feel, please wait for our Mogami-san. I will let you know."