A/N (12th of August)

This chapter was not yet betaread, so there are mistakes here and there, but hopefully not too much (I tried my best!). The reasons for that are several. First, my Beta said he'll check the chapter on Monday, and I haven't got any word from him since. Don't even know if I should wait (though not sure for how much longer), or I should start looking for a new Beta. Second, it was a while since I updated, and you guys are so awesome (almost 400 follows and 300 favs! Wow!) and deserve a next chapter. Third, it was such an ugly and stressful day, maybe I would go so far and say that it was rather crappy week, and I need some positive energy. And publishing a new chapter, getting alerts and reviews always cheer me up :) So, I hope you'll forgive me for all the mistakes I left, and enjoy. This chapter is quite heavy (just like my mood), so be prepared!

English is not my first language, but this chapter was betaread by The Patient One at 18th of August!

Warnings: implied suicide/suicide attempt (nothing graphic).

Chapter 14. The Scar of the Past

"To a new ship and a new nakama!" Luffy shouted mirthfully, lifting his mug of rum.

"CHEERS!" the others responded eagerly, mirroring his gesture and also lifting their mugs.

The newly formed pirate crew clanged mugs together and downed their drinks, at the same time laughing joyfully. The new ship, Going Merry, was gracefully soaring through the sea, carrying the pirates to their new destination and adventures.

"Now that we have a ship and four people in total, we can raise our pirate flag!" Luffy exclaimed.

"Do you know already what our Jolly Roger will be?" Usopp asked.

The rubber boy smirked. "Of course, I do! Wait a minute, I saw some cloth and paint when I was looking around earlier." He bolted to the storage room and returned with several paint buckets and black cloth tucked under his arm. "Alright, here we go," Luffy said, laying the black flag on the floor.

Usopp, Nami, and Zoro leaned closer when the captain dipped the brush into the paint and started painting. He quickly stroked across the cloth, sticking his tongue out in great concentration. But with every line the faces of the three pirates grew more concerned.

"Maybe it's some kind of abstract art...?" Nami quietly wondered.

Luffy finished his masterpiece with a bright grin. "It's done!" he yelled proudly. "What do you think?"

His crew dumbly stared at the warped white skull with a lop-sided straw hat on its top.

"That's our mark?" Zoro asked with disbelief. "The pirate's flag is a symbol of death and terror, but this…"

"It's… uh, unique?" Usopp suggested.

The thief shrugged. "It sure is terrifying in some sense."

The captain frowned and looked at the Jolly Roger he just made. He didn't see anything bad about it. Even before he went to the sea, Luffy put a lot of thought into what kind of symbol he wanted to sail under.

"Don't worry, Luffy, this genius painter will come to your aid," the sharpshooter boasted, pointing at himself and getting several skeptical glances. "I've honed my artistic talents by drawing on the walls of people's homes for years." He urged the black-haired boy to step aside and took his place in front of the new black cloth.

After some time, the flag was finished and the liar grinned proudly. "There we go!" Usopp would have never thought that he'll leave his home village so soon. Just a day ago, he was simply a kid. As much as he boasted about being a pirate, the sharpshooter realized that it was just it—boasting. But looking at his own handiwork, a sudden apprehension that now he would sail under this Jolly Roger in pursuit of his own dream as a true pirate dawned on Usopp, causing his smile to grow even more.

"Oh, it's perfect!" Nami cheered. She was genuinely happy. The navigator really tried not to like these guys, not to get attached to them, but it was getting harder and harder to do with every passing hour. It seemed like that grinning skull with a straw hat overshadowed Arlong's mark on her shoulder, and Nami felt at ease and safe around these pirates, under this specific Jolly Roger.

"Eh, so this is our mark from now on?" the swordsman also smiled, looking at the straw-hatted skull. He still hardly believed that he really called a strange kid who popped out of nowhere his captain and became a pirate. But Zoro didn't have any regrets about his decision. He was confident about traveling next to the future Pirate King. After all, following the person whose ambition was even bigger than his own was bound to throw them into mayhem and against the strongest in this world.

Luffy patted the long-nosed teen on his back. "Good job, Usopp! Now paint this on the sail too!" he ordered excitedly, but then paused. "Ah, but before that, can you paint it on this?" The boy untied his black bandana from his neck and spread it in front of Usopp, lifting his head in anticipation of an answer. Three pairs of wide, startled eyes met his gaze. Luffy frowned, confused, and when it clicked. He placed his hand on the neck's left side, hiding the scar from the view.

"Luffy, that's…" Nami started but suddenly felt the lack of words. She couldn't wrap her mind about how horrible the wound had been if it left that kind of scar.

Usopp nervously gulped. That kind of injury would be enough to kill an ordinary person. The sharpshooter shuddered from mere thought about somebody actually inflicting it on the straw-hatted boy.

"It's just a scar," Luffy said, averting his eyes from his nakama. It worked as a reminder for him, although the teen didn't really care that much about it, but he knew how other people reacted upon seeing it. "A simple scar," he insisted with a small, strained smile, "nothing for you to worry about."

Zoro stared at his captain's hand, covering the ugly scar from their eyes. Luffy didn't strike him as a person who would hide battle marks from other people. Maybe he wouldn't want to talk about how he got it, but the swordsman was sure that the boy wouldn't keep it hidden. He almost seemed ashamed of that particular scarring. "If I ever feel my freedom threatened… I'd rather kill myself than lose it again."

Zoro eyes widened when the realization hit him like a wall of bricks. "You did it to yourself, didn't you?!" The question came out of his mouth before he could stop it and much harsher than he'd intended.

Luffy bit his bottom lip but didn't deny the swordsman's words. Nami put a hand on her mouth in a silent horror. Her eyes were still glued to the spot on the rubber boy's neck, unable to get the image of the scar out of her mind.

"Zoro, what are you talking about?" Usopp showed a wry smile, trying to lighten a sudden grim atmosphere on the deck. "Why would Luffy—" The liar hadn't finished, because he was rendered completely speechless with one quiet word from the captain.

"Yeah."

"Stay."

The stern order slowly sunk into the foggy mind of Luffy, and it took him a couple of minutes to fully understand it. The boy felt relief washing over his aching, tired, injured body and tortured mind. It was probably the first time he obeyed gladly. Luffy really couldn't do anything more at the moment, just staying still. Every move, despite how small it was, hurt, and the boy felt sick in his stomach, even though he couldn't remember the last time he was fed.

The ground beneath his bare feet was swaying, and it made the struggle to keep standing more difficult. Luffy tore open his eyes, and with glazed gaze looked around. That's right, he was on the ship. That person took him on his voyage as a personal pet, but before that he finally ordered to take out a bullet from the boy's shoulder, lodged there as a punishment for almost a week from his last fight.

If Luffy had more strength, he would have laughed from the memory of that person's and slave handlers' expressions when he boldly refused to kill a defenseless child he was pitted against at that fight. For whatever reason, he couldn't do it, even though Luffy had been forced to do it countless times before. Maybe he just finally lost his mind completely. Maybe because the black-haired, freckled child reminded him of Ace.

Luffy wondered if Ace still remembered him. Probably not. If he did, he would have come to take his brother away from this hell already. Maybe Luffy did something unforgivable, and that was a reason why neither Ace nor Sabo came for him. He was always such a loud, stupid and weak brat, always eating too much, sleeping too long, unable to keep his mouth shut or protect himself…

Maybe his existence really was a sin like they had been telling him from the moment he told them his name.

Monkey D. Luffy.

D.

He really shouldn't have told them his name.

Suddenly the ship jerked to the side, and Luffy was thrown from his standing spot into the mast. He gulped down the moan which wanted to rip away from his throat. It was a long time ago that the boy learned not to entertain them by openly showing pain, discomfort or despair.

Luffy heard urgent shouts, warning yells all around him, but because of his clouded consciousness, he couldn't make out the words. Lots of people were running on the deck, their every step interflowing into a united cacophony of sounds: voices, waves, wind, distant beast's roar…

A small, almost invisible smile appeared on Luffy's face. He remembered Makino singing while they walked on the beach, waves washing his bare feet, seagulls squealing above his head, warm wind ruffling his hair, and—

"What is going on?"

A voice next to him made Luffy flinch, his smile vanishing instantly.

"Saint Kenjord, it's not safe here, you should go inside!"

"Are you ordering me what to do?!"

"No, Sir, I-I am sorry…"

A deafening roar rang somewhere nearby, followed by a bunch of terrified screams. The ship violently jerked to the side again, causing Luffy stumble forward and fell down on the deck. He shook his head, lifted his eyes up and gasped.

A huge, magnificent creature towered over the vessel, snarling and baring its teeth at the panicking people on the deck. The Sea King roared again, its tail rising from the depth of the ocean on the other side of the ship. It swished in the air aggressively and suddenly whipped down at it.

Luffy slid across the deck when the ship shook. Fortunately, he bumped into something and stopped. Rapidly blinking, the boy tried to comprehend what was happening around him.

"Oh, you ugly, wretched little trash!"

Luffy shivered from a venomous growl right next to his ear. He turned his head to look behind at what stopped his slide, and his eyes widened, immediately filled up with overwhelming terror. That person!

"How dare you touch me, you dirty scum of D?!" Saint Kenjord bellowed, standing up and yanking the boy from the ground by his sea stone collar. "I should have killed you years ago, be grateful to have been left alive till now! I'll show you, nasty, vile thing, how to disrespect me!" He threw Luffy across the deck towards the bow of the ship, from where people were fleeing the rampaging Sea King.

Luffy slipped on the wet floor and tumbled down, skidding forward right into the beast's line of sight. The Sea King growled and dipped his head down, opening his mouth and revealing a line of sharp teeth.

The boy's body froze from fear, the mind shutting down completely with only one thought going in circles: 'I don't want to die! I don't want to die! I don't want to die!'

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

Luffy's scream sliced through the roar of the Sea King and yells of the people. A wave of power rolled from the boy and blasted across the surroundings like an invisible explosion.

An absolute silence set in for a split second. Even wind stilled.

Then a bunch of thumps resounded all over the ship. With an enormous splash of water, the Sea King divided back into the depth of the ocean.

Luffy inhaled a ragged, shaky breath, unable to suppress his entire body from shaking, and tears from silently sliding over his cheeks. He glanced around. The Sea King was gone, all the people on the ship lay sprawled on the deck, apparently unconscious or dead, the boy wasn't sure. The wind was picking up again, and the only sounds were it blowing into the sails and the occasional creak from the ship.

After some struggle, Luffy stood up. He was so tired. All he wanted right now was to curl into the smallest ball and sleep. Mustering the strength, the boy walked to the nearest person. For a while, he just stood there staring at the body, then reached and tentatively shook it. There was no reaction. He repeated his action with another person but got the same result.

When the third man hadn't shown any sign of awareness, with trembling hands Luffy carefully pulled his sword from its scabbard. The slaves weren't allowed to wield weapons outside the arena, it was punishable by severe whipping or even death. Luffy didn't care anymore. He would rather die than go back to that kind of life.

While he was trying to cross the ship towards the escape boats, Luffy's limbs almost completely stopped functioning, refusing to move even an inch further. Without any other choice, the boy crawled in between two boxes and hid behind the third one. He curled into a small ball with a sword tightly clutched in his hand and dozed off.

Luffy got dragged from his nightmares by a screeching noise like someone was pushing the box from its spot. His body tensed up as he opened his eyes and saw that that was exactly what was happening.

"Found him!" someone yelled, once the box was moved to the side, revealing a scared and heavily disoriented child.

Another man joined the first one to stare at the cornered boy. Luffy's exhausted mind couldn't understand what was happening. He observed the man crouch down with a hand stretched towards him. Soon he'd grab him, drag him back to that person and his life would go back to the previous hell.

Luffy was not going back there. The solution was simple—he would better die free from his own hands than get killed as a slave by those monsters.

"You're not going to have me…" Luffy whispered. He lifted a blade and touched the left side of his neck, right beneath the sea stone collar. As he jerked the sword down, not even wincing from a sudden pain and a fountain of blood, Luffy could swear he heard a worried shout from the stranger.

"No, Luffy, STOP!"

Luffy stared at the faraway horizon, looking distant and detached from the surrounding world, dark emotions flashing through his eyes as memories of his rescue day played in his mind.

The crew of three observed him, worry boiling under their skin. None of them really saw their captain being so gloomy and distant before, sad or thoughtful, yeah, but not this. The idea that Luffy—their cheerful, happy-go-lucky and carefree captain—tried to kill himself hadn't sunk fully in either of their minds.

"It was…" Luffy started but didn't know how to say it without giving his nakama unnecessary details. He brushed fingers over the rim of his straw hat and sighed. "I was not in my right mind. I didn't know what was happening around me, that those people tried to help, not hurt me. I felt… cornered."

That was a very vague explanation, not at all clarifying why Luffy decided to slice his own throat.

Usopp almost jumped out of his skin when Zoro's hand landed on his shoulder. He glanced at the swordsman and blinked confused as the man motioned at the bandana still spread in front of him.

"You should finish painting," Zoro said, fixing the sharpshooter with a sharp gaze.

"Um… Yeah, that's… that's brilliant idea!" Usopp agreed, forcing a smile on his lips.

As the liar grabbed the brush to paint a straw-hatted Jolly Roger on Luffy's bandana, the swordsman turned to their navigator. "Nami, are we on the right course?"

Nami finally tore her eyes from Luffy's hand, hiding the scar, and focused on her green-haired nakama. "What?"

"Our course. Are we still on course?" Zoro repeated, patiently.

"Oh." The navigator glanced at the sun's position, then at Merry's sails, taking note of the wind's direction. "Yeah, I think we're still on the right course, although I need to check maps and plan it further."

While Nami talked, Luffy stood up from where he was sitting and quietly walked away. Zoro, Nami, and Usopp observed him jumping on the figurehead and sitting there cross-legged.

None of them mentioned Zoro's subtle intervention, allowing Luffy to retreat from being questioned more, because none of them were sure if they really wanted to question him further.

"Alright, it's done!" Usopp shouted proudly as he untied the rope from his waist and eyed the sails with a huge, straw-hatted Jolly Roger on. The black flags freely fluttered in the wind. Going Merry was now fully ready for action as a pirate vessel!

But the mood on the ship was still grim, to say the least. Luffy hadn't moved from his position on the figurehead, not even sparing a glance for whatever was happening behind him. Zoro was lounging against the main mast and, judging by the quite snores, he was sleeping without a care in the world. Nami got herself buried under the mountain of maps, studying each of them with the professional dedication.

Usopp's smile faltered and he heaved a heavy sigh. If the situation wasn't remedied, this journey would become unbearably awkward. He smirked. Lucky for these bastards, they now had the awesome captain Usopp in their midst!

The sharpshooter put the brush away, picked up the black bandana with Jolly Roger on it, and strolled to the ship's front. The paint was already dried, and if Luffy tied it back on his neck, he should cheer up.

"Luffy," Usopp called, getting the young captain's attention as he turned to look at the sharpshooter, "your bandana."

The straw-hatted teen took the bandana, unfurled it for a moment to see the mark. "Good job, Usopp," he praised before tying it back around his neck. Finally, that scar was hidden again, and Luffy felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders. Maybe it did bother him much more than he assumed. "Thank you."

Usopp broke into a cocky smirk. "There is nothing this genius painter couldn't paint!" he boasted, puffing his chest and cocking his nose. "Just look at Merry's sails!"

Luffy glanced at the sails, and couldn't fight the grin which grew on his face. "Whoa, it's amazing, Usopp!"

"Heh, you've seen nothing till you see my true talent," the liar bragged further.

"What is that?"

"I'm the Great Champion of the hide-and-seek! Nobody—and when I say nobody, I really mean no one on this mortal plain—can compete with me in hide-and-seek game!"

Luffy's jaw dropped. "The Great Champion?!" he exclaimed in awe.

Usopp nodded. "Aaaaaaand…" he drawled the word dramatically for the bigger effect, "this Greatest Champion is inviting you to the hide-and-seek duel!"

The rubber boy leaped from his spot on the sheep's head and grinned happily at his nakama. "Alright, let's do it!"

Usopp insisted on being the first one to hide, and Luffy to seek him out. The problem was that Luffy was so used to his mystery power, that he didn't know how to turn it off. So once he was done the counting, the teen strolled right into storage room and barrel where Usopp had hidden.

"I found you!"

The sharpshooter frowned. "No, no, that was just the first try. I was testing you," he insisted. "Now I'm gonna hide for real!"

And so Usopp hid and was found again as easily as the first time. He hid for the third time. Luffy found him again. Slowly, their hide-and-seek game grew into a tag game, as the long-nosed teen vainly tried his hardest to avoid and hide from his captain.

Usopp was sneaking across the main deck when suddenly rubber arms winded around his torso. "Shishishishi! I found you again!" Luffy exclaimed, slamming into his nakama's back as his arms snapped back.

The liar staggered forward with a yelp. His foot got caught by Zoro's leg, and he stumbled down on him together with laughing Luffy on top.

The swordsman groaned under them. "The hell are you two doing?!" he yelled in anger.

"Playing hide-and-seek!" Luffy informed with a usual sunny grin in place, unwinding his arms from the sharpshooter and standing up.

Zoro pushed squished Usopp off of him, sat up and scratched the back of his head. "With you seeking?"

"Yep!"

The swordsman promptly burst into laughter. He laughed so hard that his eyes started to tear up.

"What's so funny?" Usopp asked, glaring at him.

Zoro brushed the tears out of his eyes. "You tried to play hide-and-seek with Luffy seeking?" he asked for confirmation.

"Yeah, and he's so good at…" the liar trailed off as Zoro burst into laughter again. "What's so funny?!" But he didn't get an answer. Usopp glanced at Luffy who just shrugged before he looked back at the swordsman. "STOP LAUGHING!"

Nami put a water to boil for a tea. Going Merry was anchored for the night, and it was her turn to do a night watch until early morning, so she wanted to drink something warm before the long hours up in a crow nest.

The thief looked behind her then she heard the door to the lounge area opening. Usopp entered first, closely followed by Zoro. Nami raised an eyebrow in question. It was already quite late, and she thought that the boys were already down in their room.

"So, what do you wanted to talk about, Usooooopp?" Zoro asked, failing to restrain a yawn at the end.

"Have you guys seen Luffy sleeping?"

Nami and Zoro blinked at him dumbly. "What do you mean?" the navigator carefully inquired.

"It's been a couple of days as we left Syrup Village," the sharpshooter started. "I haven't seen him sleeping longer than half an hour or so. Last night I stayed up, just to watch him. He was out like a light, but about a half an hour later he mumbled something, woke up and went outside where I found him in the morning."

Nami furrowed her brow in thought. Now that Usopp mentioned it, she couldn't recall seeing Luffy actually sleeping, not dozing off for a short nap.

"I don't think I've seen Luffy asleep since our first night on the sea," Zoro admitted, in unusual solemn tone. "He had a nightmare."

A silence settled down as all three pirates pondered on this new information.

"It's not healthy," Nami finally stated. "We need to make sure he gets a good night's sleep."

"Agreed," Usopp said, while Zoro just nodded.

Nami wrapped a blanket around herself more tightly, and leaned on the railing of a crow nest, fixing her gaze on the ocean. It was a calm night, only slight breeze ruffled her hair.

The boys were all sleeping down in their room. Luffy was quite reluctant, but he finally surrendered and agreed for a long night's sleep. Nami wondered how she hadn't noticed how really tired the boy actually was. Even his bright grin these days wasn't reaching his eyes.

The thief sighed. She had to pay more attention to these kinds of things because, apparently, her captain couldn't take care of himself properly. If Luffy insisted on calling her his nakama, she could demand of him to look after himself. That was what nakama did for each other, right?

A serene smile found its way onto Nami's lips from that line of thought, vanishing completely a moment later when a blood-chilling scream from below pierced the peaceful night's silence.

Next Chapter: Chasing the Nightmares Away