Oregairu not mine
Stuff I have to say at the end, including my rebuttal to some fair opinions, some baseless and some retarded.
Her decision is heard.
"I would offer a last chance to bail now, but even if you wanted it we already summoned mom. There really is no turning back anymore."
As I stated the obvious Yukino huffed almost imperceptibly and did that thing she likes to do with her hair when she feels bold.
"I am very aware Nee-san. In a way everything up until now has led to this point, faltering now would just be ridiculous."
"Alrighty, but be very careful now. Mom'll most likely not react as strongly as you imagine she will, at most she'll express her displeasure in condescending tones you'll have to maneuver around."
She gave me a solitary nod.
"However, sinning of arrogance or making a simple miscalculation can bring everything to nothing Yukino.
"So, with that in mind... convince mother. Convince her of everything you are and how your dream is not a tantrum of jealousy. Convince her like you convinced me that you are willing and you want to do this."
She crossed her arms and stared strongly at the distance behind me before turning her eyes to meet mine.
"I've grieved for too long, far too long for this. I always thought I learned too late, but now is the time I catch and sing the sun in flight…
"This is the point of my life in which I am wild." [1]
Her show of conviction could only be traded for a solemn smile from me. At the cusp of her moment to which all roads led she's already armed with what she needs, everything else I can offer is symbolic or extra.
"Good luck."
She made a small bow and turned to the family room in which mom was expectant.
I feel numb.
I can't really define what this sensation is. How ironic that it's now me who has to work with little information and can't get a read on emotions, much more when they're my own emotions.
Alas, it's not in my hands. All I can do right now is wait.
I opted to scroll through my phone, half reading mundane stuff going on with people that surround me in college and the country's affairs.
Between tweets the notification of a text pulled me from my mental absence.
[Mother is asking you to come in]
This was expected, very well.
I slid the wooden door and nodded my head on instinct when making myself seen by our family head.
"That will be all Yukino, we will talk later."
Yukino nodded and bowed as she got up from her seiza position to leave us alone. I in turn sat at the same spot she just left in a much more comfortable posture, with my hands behind my back supporting me and my legs spread of course.
We stared at each other for less than a minute before I talked
"So, what do you make of our proposal?"
She gave me a serene sigh in half exasperation, half relaxation.
"You always cut to the chase with no bullshit whatsoever when it comes to these things and these things only don't you?"
If Yukino is listening through the wooden sliding doors, which she probably is, she surely gasped at mom's lingo. The most regal, cold and proper woman anyone has ever met is quite the obscene speaker in the most personal of moments. Me being her de facto right hand for some years now has witnessed it a couple of times.
"Well, it is my top priority to see a personal project of years meet its fate."
"Personal project? In singular?"
She arched her eyebrow questioningly which was met with a look from me the that signaled her to go on.
"It would seem that by making Yukino replace you you'd hop to personal projects and ditch your work of more years in favor of whatever you have in mind."
I narrowed my eyes.
"So you know that regardless of Yukino's spirit I allowed this to fly, we've made that clear. But to answer your question I need clairvoyance."
I stared hard at my mom's beautiful blue eyes, with no anger but with all the power I could put into my look.
"Will you shoot us down? Yes or no."
She didn't recoil or budge to my gaze or question, but she didn't glare, she looked pensive.
"No."
This time the gasp came from me.
Normally the snarky and smartass comments come naturally as I have trained my already fast speed of thought to match those needed in the corporate and political world, but this time I was carefully preparing some leverage for the likeliness of our 'fuck it' approach going wrong. Needless to say, I was surprised.
"Haruno, listen. You and I are both cursed with some kind of foresight, at our every move we're already seeing ahead and planning how to counter everything. Well in your case I suppose your father and I cursed you with it." She gave a wry chuckle
"But there are some funny moments for people like us. You see, no one can ever foresee the road to happiness, not our own nor of others'. But there are these times in which your soul just tells you to wing it, which I assume both you and Yukino felt that when you girls waltzed here with your proposal."
Despite the emphasis on the word, there was no malice, but amusement. Not the sort of amusement of a bad boss looking down on someone that's hierarchically beneath him, but amusement of a mother seeing her kids do something stupid but harmless.
"You see, I can tell you were ready to put up one tough fight as you were anticipating me to overrule you girls, or that I was convinced because the risk of losing you in bad terms is a risk too great for the family. But what if I told you that Yukino herself managed to convince me?"
I raised both eyebrows and inquired further with curiosity.
"So which one was it? Your gut feeling, my threat innuendo or Yukino's presentation?"
"All three really. Yukino showed enough determination and arguments for me to consent to her choice, but she didn't give me the speech of a century. The possibilities of you sabotaging the family on several fronts as retaliation was considered, but I believe we could survive a devastating blow like that, and I very seldom listen to 'my gut feeling', yet everything combined tells me I must say yes to what you ask."
This truly was an evening to fucking remember, we will all go crazy after this.
"However, I must ask this dear. Do you want to do this?"
I looked at her, the numbness that I felt earlier that had been replaced by anticipation coming back. Not sure what to say.
"I know Yukino wants this really badly, you two left no doubts. But what about you Haruno? Will you continue with your current responsibilities now second to the bat?"
I shook my head "I don't think so."
She closed her eyes briefly "I thought as much. What will you do then? I won't demand anything else from you, there really shouldn't be a quota of service to her parents for a child, but you still covered it for a lifetime and more. However, it really is no exaggeration that you're basically leaving a made career to start over."
"I… don't know mom."
Her eyes showed me uncertainty and concern, most likely mirroring my own gaze.
"I really have not a fucking clue of what to do with the life I have. I know that I'm good at what I do and that I've spent a good chunk of my life gathering experience to keep at it and excelling, but… that's not me.
"I really don't know what Haruno Yukinoshita is supposed to be. I've always had an outline to base my whole being on, but I don't know what to do for it to be complete. I now have all the access to make whatever I want of myself, but I have no idea of what's going to get me happiness.
"Like, I could go to Italy to study the fine arts and become an orchestra conductor, I could ditch my major and study Oceanography, I could rebuild the fucking temple of Artemis. A little bit of all that makes my mind race with excitement, but in the end I still feel trapped."
It's true.
Her words from earlier should mean completion for me, my fuck up is about to be amended and Yukino reached her triumphant independence, at long last.
The ideal outcome was this, for her to find her way with her own toil. This is not a success from me, but a sort of redemption.
But now fucking what?
I'm 20 and having a midlife crisis, making right what I messed up was all I had going for me, and all I had to go on. What proceeds this?
Mom got up from her position and sat down beside me, after eyeing me for a couple of seconds she put her arms around me.
Now, we didn't really miss out on motherly embraces, but the distant nature of everyone in the family makes it so that I was taken off guard by her sudden hug.
"Haruno. You are my daughter."
"Water gets things wet."
"Yes, you also got the sarcasm from your father. But what I want to tell you is that in spite of everything, you girls are our treasures. You are Yukinoshita's blood and future, yes. But more importantly, much more importantly, you are Yukinoshita's joy, will and conviction.
So you young lady will proceed in the best interests of your will, joy and conviction. Make the most of knowledge, freedom and pleasure my little Haruno."
"I appreciate this a lot mom, but you're awfully lax about losing you and dad's second in command. Aren't you in the least worried that Yukino finds herself disappointed with the whole adulting business?"
She chuckled and shook her head.
"Don't go cynical on me, we both know that girl wants to achieve great things, and she'll face the hardships and unfairness of our world with that smirk of hers, she'll have her chance to prove us wrong by neglecting her of her chance. Call it a gut feeling."
This is it, so I really have a fresh start.
"Alright, I'll take you up on that."
"But I still don't want you to become a hedonistic bum, you are to go make something of yourself. Whatever gives you completion, you more than earned this freedom, but try to make it so that it's not sitting on your ass."
I chuckled at that as she tried to show me a little bit of her accustomed discipline but the cathartic moment prevailed. My thoughts also wandered to a former clubmate of my sister when she mentioned the prospect of laying on my bed for the rest of my life.
Hikigaya-kun.
I do feel bad for that boy, but I suppose our intertwining ended the night I talked with Yukino about this moment.
I hope he manages to pull through, but now we'll be on equal conditions, we oughta start over.
"Come, we have to see your sister feel the feeling of victory."
"Fine, she probably fainted twice already but I look forward to seeing her actually excited."
She smiled and slided the door so we could exit the room and break the news to Yukino.
The sight did not disappoint, she was slightly grinning as she typed in her phone, messaging apparently. Her head shot up and she put her phone away as she approached us expectantly.
"Mother, Nee-san…"
"Rejoice girl. Your wish will, at last, come true."
To follow up unexpected embraces by my kin she threw her arms at me.
"Oh don't do that Yukino-chan, I wished I had seen your actual reaction. We know you eavesdropped through the whole thing." I pouted playfully and she started to go red trying to deny my accusation, stammering in the way.
"No harm done Yukino, it only shows how much this meant to you" mom rescued her from her conflict of honesty and pride.
"I-I thank you mother, thank you so much."
"Misplaced my girl, you both showed me quite important matters today, but from now on you shall show yourselves, prove yourselves."
"I will not disappoint you mother."
Mom shaked her head gently in a negative.
"I do expect great things from you Yukino, but don't let the euphoria make you forget your conviction. Become legend, but because you want to be one. Not to impress anyone."
Yukino nodded hesitantly as she thought of the words she was just told. At this mom smiled warmly and had a cocky expression on her face.
"No bullshit now, give 'em' hell."
Yukino's eyes widened and she nodded again with more excitement as she gave mom a hug of her own.
So they showed each other a side they hadn't seen of the other in a long time, that actually gives me a warm feeling.
But seriously, what now?
Haaah, I hate my life. By around November I really didn't think I'd write Oregairu again.
Anyways, reviews.
The only one who has a valid point criticizing Haruno's recount chapter is Jiraphie, the paragraphs were bulky and perhaps not concise enough.
On the other hand, of course I have to focus on Kiryuu, fucking Kiryuu. I left your review because you at least tried to do a decent critique despite spouting so much shit.
As you have shown me both in discord as in your reviews, I wouldn't be surprised if you considered it lazy writing because you've never seen any character other than Hachiman having an introspective monologue/soliloquy and doing a retelling of events in their minds. I can give you the benefit of the doubt that you didn't notice the two times that the chapter was said to be a prologue.
But what I won't give you is that you think you have the right to establish what this story is, I didn't leave shit to your stupid disambiguation.
'This is first and foremost a Hayayuki fic. Let's be true to ourselves' shut the fuck up. If your attention seeking that extends different discord servers highlighted that you like to moan about purism and NTR that's on you. This story was not made for you, this idea was conceived before you even joined and polluted my experience on the server with your manchild idiocy for the first time.
No, don't bother giving this a score. I can't stop you from reading this but my appreciation for the fic would explode if you removed your like and follow from it, now fuck off you mentally challenged twat.
To everybody else, I hear you. Will I listen to your criticism, valid or not is something we'll see. My future as an Oregairu fanfiction writer is pretty much in the air. I hate battle station. I've been moaning about how much I hate it for a couple of months now and some writers can testify to that.
Merry christmas or whatever it is you celebrate, if you have January to rest cheers, if you don't let us wallow in our misery together.
[1: I'm constantly referencing this poem by Dylan Thomas, I don't remember how many times I've used it but I did in Luna.