Chapter 22: Outtake: The Boys' Dormitory
Ron, Harry, Ginny, Colin, and Neville were walking up the castle grounds to the Entrance Hall following the Second Task. Harry was starving, and the Weasley twins had promised a once-in-a-lifetime afterparty for Ron's saviour tendencies. The teasing had been merciless. It didn't help that Ron's damsel had been part veela.
Harry had been quite impressed with Ron since he woke up under the water. He'd been really good with Gabrielle. Prioritizing helping a stranger rather than fulfilling a selfish need. He'd been nothing but understanding with a vast majority of what they'd discussed. And unlike the beginning of the year, and even during the summer, he could tell that Ron wasn't simply covering up his true sentiments. He was being wholeheartedly honest with Harry. There weren't any relevant secrets being kept between the two… save the Prophecy.
Which he'd failed to tell anyone, so far.
That had to be done.
What he was slightly miffed about was the fact that none of the Ministry officials or Dumbledore had said a thing about the participants of the Task waking up underwater. As far as he knew, there was no way the Ministry of Bloody Magic was going to sacrifice the lives of four people just for laughs. The champions? Sure, their lives were supposed to be at risk, but their possessions? Their people? That was ridiculous.
While he didn't appreciate a lot of the things Dumbledore had done as of late, a sentiment he knew was further pushed along by his mother and Sirius, he was still an undeniably great wizard.
He would never let this happen at Hogwarts. Not when it was something so easily in his control. So, Harry was certain that something had gone wrong.
Harry and Ginny retold their stories of the task from their perspectives. When they each reached their 'trial' as the judges had deemed it, they quieted. He had no idea what Ginny had faced, but his was, quite frankly, rather embarrassing.
Unfortunately, Colin and Neville were quite keen on sharing their perspective on the task.
'Well, the water was made perfectly clear for us so we could see everything that was going on. It was like you were floating in air, that's how clear it was!' Colin explained excitedly. 'Now, Harry was lured in by a siren. He actually almost fell for it by the looks of it,'
'Well, she was quite attractive,' Harry defended, his cheeks flushing. Ron guffawed and Harry could only begin to imagine how easily he could wipe that smle off his face had he let it slip that he'd seen an older Ginny below the waves.
'Well, she better have been, because you were entranced!' said Neville, chuckling to himself but then falling silent as though not knowing whether or not he could laugh. Luckily, everyone found it funny, save Harry, so Neville wasn't alone.
'Anyway, you broke from her enchantment, and she gave you the directions you needed. You wasted a good half hour, though,' said Colin.
'HALF HOUR!' Harry cried in disbelief. 'No, Colin, it was five minutes at most!'
Ron was roaring with laughter and Harry was scowling. Both Colin and Neville insisted that he'd spent a full thirty minutes if not more, entranced by the siren. How he'd lost track of time so completely was a mystery to him. He chose to change the subject. 'Well, what happened to you, then?' Harry asked Ginny, trying to get the attention off himself.
Ginny's smile faded instantly, and she shook her head. Colin bit his lip but explained anyway. 'She saved Fleur from this brain thing… Fleur probably would have died… but in the process, Ginny got one of the tentacles stuck to her head… it was maybe a span of thirty to forty seconds before Fleur severed the tentacle and brought Ginny back to reality,'
'Thirty seconds,' murmured Ginny, 'it felt like hours,'
Harry knew better than to ask what had happened. Her face had grown pale and he figured that this 'brain thing' had likely forced her to relive something traumatic. He quickly changed the subject and slowly but surely, Ginny brightened.
When they arrived at the portrait of the fat lady, Ron said the password, and Harry and Ginny were pretty much instantly grabbed by the shoulders and hauled into the common room.
Fred and George were cheering their names, as were the rest of the Gryffindors. Dean had drawn a banner of Harry and Ginny holding a shared golden egg up in triumph and grinning. It was arguably approaching the same level of quality as the official Ministry banners.
There were tables full of snacks and full-on meals. Harry couldn't help but wonder how the twins had ever gotten into the kitchens, and more importantly, where the kitchens were.
Harry noticed right away, through his senses, that the punch was spiked. He leaned in and told Ginny.
She looked up at him and smiled gratefully, choosing not to have any of Fred and George's mystery mix.
'So… mum. Just out of curiosity… what are the rules on drinking?'
'I'd rather you not,'
'Right… but that's what any parent would say,'
'I guarantee your father and Sirius would encourage it, actually,'
'Right… so… can I?'
'It's up to you, Harry, honestly. I'm just a bit concerned for my sake because I'm going to have to see the disaster through your eyes. Then again, you've got to learn eventually, and there's no time like the present,' Lily paused, and Harry could almost sense her mental frown. 'But you are in a relatively uncontrolled public setting, and you've been put into a dangerous magical Tournament that is highly likely to have been orchestrated to have you killed,'
'Right… that's a bit of a snag,'
Lily laughed and Harry smiled despite himself. 'This would be a perfect time to assassinate me,' he thought, absently. If it was done right, hardly anyone would notice. But what the hell was the point of living his life in constant fear? That was so incredibly lame.
He was holding a ladle of punch over his cup and hesitated. He didn't really know how being drunk would work, especially seeing as he was a werewolf. Everything would be different for him. It was one of those things he should ask Remus about. One of the many.
He didn't like the thought of being completely out of control, either. And the twins had been known to spike the punch with more than alcohol in the past. Nothing obscene or dangerous, just… well… more fun, he supposed.
He dropped the ladle back in the bowl and sulked over to where Ginny sat.
'Staying away from their concoction?' said Ginny with a smirk.
Harry glared at her. 'Yeah,' he replied, lamely.
Ginny frowned at him. 'Why are you brooding? You can have some if you want. Don't stop on my account,'
'No, I just…' he sighed and ran a hand down his face. 'Alright, well, if you really want to know, I'm slightly concerned over being assassinated while intoxicated,'
Ginny stared at him for a long moment before she started giggling. 'Sometimes you remind me of Percy,' she said after she'd calmed somewhat. She puffed out her chest and shifted her face into a pompous expression. Deepening her voice in a comical, though not entirely accurate, impression of Percy. 'Hmm, yes, never fly a broom while intoxicated!'
Harry laughed and took a sip of the goblet of water he'd taken. 'Alright, alright… I'll use the word drunk from now on…'
'Or pissed,' Ginny suggested.
'Or pissed.' Harry agreed. After a pause, he shifted his position in his chair so he was half facing Ginny. 'What about you, why aren't you having any?' he asked.
She shrugged. 'I don't like the idea of being controlled by something else,' she said, plainly.
Harry nodded. The Diary, obviously.
He wondered if it bothered her. The number of things that made her hesitate, the amount of passing mentions that even vaguely touched the Chamber. He knew that being possessed would have lasting effects on one's person, but he couldn't help but feel like there was more to the story.
'Do you think it'll ever get better,' she said, startling him out of his reverie.
'What?' he asked, dumbly. Having heard her but not having truly listened.
She gestured to the punch bowl. 'This. All of it. Do you think I'll ever just be comfortable? Do you think I'll ever stop second-guessing the places I go, the things I touch, drink, eat, do… everything,'
Harry let out a breath and leaned back in his chair, no longer facing Ginny but instead facing the common room. He watched Hermione dip her cup in the bowl of punch, clearly unaware of the twins' acts, and start drinking it. 'Oh, poor Hermione,' he thought to himself.
Centering his focus back on Ginny's question he sighed. 'Yeah… I think eventually you'll grow comfortable in the world again. I doubt it'll be a night and day fix or whatever… but, gradually, it'll come,'
Ginny nodded and continued to stare hollowly at the common room.
It had only been eleven in the morning. So, Harry found it mildly hilarious how quickly some people were just gone by two in the afternoon.
Of those who had taken a glass, only two were awake. Though they seemed rather… out of it. Hermione was staring into the flames of the fireplace with an incredibly dreamy expression.
The rest were fast asleep.
It was the fifth years, mostly, who had gotten carried away. Fred and George were suspiciously sober.
Harry, Ginny, and Ron accompanied the first, second, and third years, as well as numerous sixth and seventh years to dinner at six. Harry finally got a chance to talk to the twins.
'I see that you're walking straight,' he said barely above a whisper.
George grinned while Fred remained straight-faced, though his eyes betrayed his amusement. 'Yeah, well, we are the puppet masters,'
'The men behind the curtain,' inserted Fred.
'The magicians,' said George.
'And good magicians, never reveal their secrets!' they said together.
Harry furrowed his brow. 'Aren't we all magicians?' he said.
Fred frowned. 'Yes, Harry. It's a muggle saying,'
'Well, yeah, I know but-'
'And here we thought your distance from Hermione would do you some good,' said George disappointedly. 'But now you're the one lecturing us.'
'Where is Hermione?' Ron asked, interrupting whatever retort Harry was about to spew out.
'She paced herself,' said Fred with a wink.
Ron scowled. 'If you did anything to her,'
Fred and George raised their hands in surrender. 'It wasn't us; it was the drink!' cried George.
'Besides,' Fred divulged, 'she really wasn't all that messed. As we said, she paced herself. She's been reading most of the day. Don't worry, we don't fuck with the punch without watching our handiwork.'
'Yeah, Ron, you should have more faith in us!' said George. 'We even put in a potion that would keep them from feeling nauseous when they wake up,'
Ron shook his head as they finally entered the Great Hall. 'Very convenient. The professors won't notice an abundance of sick students tomorrow,'
'Tomorrow is a Saturday, Ronniekins, and Saturday means no classes. I know the days of the week can be hard to remember -' Fred was cut off by Ron who threw a chicken leg at his head, now that they'd sat down.
Dinner was a joyous affair, at least for Harry. Ginny still seemed a bit off, but she was doing a good job at hiding it. Every once and a while he'd catch her staring off into the distance and he'd get to watch her for a moment.
She'd seen something in that lake. He was sure of it. And he had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with her supposed hour entertaining the brains in the water. The hour that had in reality been a mere forty seconds.
She was just… strange, he decided. She did strange things to him. For instance, every once and a while, she'd bite the inside of her cheek, and Harry would feel himself smile inexplicably.
Sometimes she'd catch him watching her, and she'd smile reassuringly to him, silently letting him know that she was fine.
Her smile made him feel very warm all over.
Did he have feelings for her? Was this what this was? It was a confusing conundrum and he silently filed it away for a motherly conversation at a later date.
Dinner concluded and Ron rose from his seat first, saying something about wanting to get an early night in. Harry, Ginny, and the twins remained for a while before the twins finally got up and left.
'Alright?' Harry asked, standing from the bench and rejoining Ginny at the end of the table.
Ginny remained silent for a moment before she cleared her throat. 'I want to go to the Chamber,' she said, confidently.
Harry stopped dead in the Entrance Hall. 'Tonight?'
Ginny nodded. 'It won't be long,'
Harry tried to pick apart her expression. She was seemingly uncaring as to Harry's opinion on the subject, so he let it side. 'Okay,' he said after a while, starting to walk up the steps to the second-floor girls' lavatory.
Ginny seemed surprised that Harry had given in so readily. 'I know I can open it myself… I just…'
'You want me there so that if anything happens, I can rescue you again. Believe me, I understand wholeheartedly,' Harry teased with a cheeky grin.
She swatted his arm playfully and smiled down at her toes as she followed him through the halls.
'Why is my family never here to watch the Tournament?' she asked. Her voice echoed through the empty hallways surrounding Myrtle's haunt.
'They have been, at least I thought so. I think I saw your mum and dad earlier… you rescued him, after all… but they had to leave the grounds with the rest of the crowds following the task. It's Dumbledore's orders.'
Ginny shook her head. 'No, I mean… What I meant was that Charlie, Percy, and Bill have been missing for the both of them,' she said, referring to the tasks.
Harry frowned. He knew Bill and Charlie to be her favourites, and Percy was still family… 'Perhaps they've been busy?'
Ginny's shoulders slumped. 'I know it's a stupid thing to care about but… Bill didn't get me a gift for Christmas,' she paused and stopped walking. Turning to a cloister and tracing the carvings with her finger. 'He always gets me something for Christmas…' she said wistfully.
An all too familiar sense of dread settled into the pit of his stomach. What if something had happened to Bill? Surely her parents would have told her? They wouldn't keep something like that secret.
'Listen, Ginny, I'm sure that if something happened, your parents would have told you. Besides… Percy works for the ministry, he's probably busy with work,' his voice wavered, and he knew he sounded undecided, but it was the best he could do.
Ginny still had that faraway look about her and Harry sighed. 'Come on,' he said, waving his hand towards the door to the lavatory.
Ginny nodded and moved past him without making eye contact. Maybe she was irked by the excuses he made for her brothers, but he followed in after her either way.
She stood in front of the sink and stared at her reflection. Her eyes were darting here and there, taking in every detail of her face. She started slightly when she saw Harry join her in the reflection.
'I've changed,' she said quietly.
'Yeah,' replied Harry.
Her eyes seemed to bore into their reflected version as she said, 'Sometimes it feels like I haven't. Sometimes it feels like I'll wake up and won't know what's real and what's an illusion,'
Harry frowned. That was new information. He'd heard of her possession described as frequent blank spots in her memory. Not illusions.
Harry ignored the gnawing feeling that she wasn't telling him something and stood next to her. Though she was a good head and a half shorter than him, they both fit in the reflection.
'I suppose we've both changed,' she murmured softly. Tearing her eyes away from the mirror and focussing on the snake engraved on the side of the tap.
She stared at it for an incredibly long time before she hissed, 'Open,'
The grinding of stone and iron met their ears and they both cringed at the sound and the lack of use it signified. The air that wafted out of the basilisk-sized pipe was putrid, to say the least.
Ginny's breath caught and Harry turned to her. She had stepped forward slightly, standing on the precipice of the slide, but was still uncertain.
'I'll go first, so long as you follow in after me,' Harry whispered. She nodded and Harry took one last glance over his shoulder before jumping down into the abyss. He was pleased to hear her follow in after him.
They landed on the bone-covered floor and got up by themselves. Harry lit his wand with a muttered 'Lumos,' and began the journey into the heart of the Chamber.
They passed the forty-foot snakeskin with more than a shiver of discomfort. Finally, they came upon the snake-encrusted door.
Ginny made an odd half whimper half sigh and he turned to find her biting her lip, eyes squinting as though she wished to close them, but was fighting the urge. He walked back to where she was standing a few paces behind him and stood next to her.
Harry didn't say anything as he reached for her hand. It was small in his own. Somehow feeling different than when they'd danced back in December. As he had noticed when they'd danced, her hands were not soft. It seemed that years of sneaking out to fly had built some callouses on her fingers and palm.
He led her forward, she responded hesitantly but eventually squeezed Harry's hand in return.
When they instructed the door to open, they said it together. Once again, the grinding of stone met their ears and they walked through the door hand in hand.
It was… well… anticlimactic, to say the least.
The air was thick with decay and the corpse of the Basilisk lay at the foot of Salazar's statue. Its skin had mostly deteriorated. What remained was a long-coiled skeleton with bits of rotting flesh attached here and there. The remnants of its organs were still visible.
'I never really got a chance to see it when it was all over,' she spoke so softly that Harry could have passed it off as a gust of wind, had they not been hundreds of meters underground.
Harry could remember it quite clearly, now. How Tom's shade had revealed himself. Idiotically explaining his plan before its completion, and setting the basilisk on him. How Fawkes had delivered the sorting hat, and by extension, the Sword of Gryffindor.
Ginny had been so pale. Her skin had felt like ice. In the moment, he had been so unbelievably terrified that he and Ron had been too late.
He should have been there for her, after all of that. She'd been practically attached to him the whole way out of the Chamber, and yet, he'd all but abandoned her the minute the following term had started.
He couldn't imagine what would have happened had he and Ron not made it. Ginny was such a staple of his life now. She was… she was one of his best friends. And his chest felt a bit compressed at the thought of losing her. It was the same way it had felt to discover Ron being forced to drown earlier that day. Though still unique in its identity. The thought of losing Ginny made him feel... hopeless, in a sense. Without her, he truly was the only one who had faced Voldemort properly. It terrified him for other reasons as well, but he couldn't define what those were.
Looking back on how they'd treated Ginny the past year, he found it was strange that he was now in a situation where he was drawing and giving comfort by holding her hand and staring off at the empty Chamber. He was quite lucky, he decided.
'I had a vision, today, in the lake,' she whispered. 'I thought coming back here would bring… closure,'
'Has it not?' Harry asked tentatively, finally receiving confirmation on what had happened in the lake.
She shook her head. 'No… it's done nothing for me,' she said cooly. 'This is nothing but a hollow shell of regrets and nightmares.'
She let go of his hand and turned to leave. Harry cast one last look at the Chamber before clambering out after her.
They walked the halls of Hogwarts together in silence. Hands folded deep in their respective pockets. Ginny had told Harry that the dragon keepers of the First Task made her aware that Charlie was missing. That, paired with Bill's lack of communication, made her feel like something was wrong, and Harry quickly agreed that she was probably right.
'I wish mum would have just told me,' she vented. 'I hate that she thinks I can't handle myself,'
Harry frowned, remembering the conversation he'd had with Mrs. Weasley at the end of the summer. It felt like so long ago, now. 'She knows you can handle yourself, Ginny,' he remarked quietly. 'She just doesn't want you to get killed… I reckon she's worried it'd affect your performance in the Tournament,'
Ginny instantly deflated. 'You're probably right… Merlin where would I be without you? You're practically my voice of reason,'
Harry had laughed at that.
Now they were in the messy post-party common room, and Ginny quickly bade goodnight before climbing the stairs to her dormitory.
He shook his head and went to sit down in his favourite armchair, but found it occupied.
Hermione lay curled up like a cat in between the cushioned arms. She was frowning and seemed to be in the midst of a nightmare, judging by her movements. She shivered slightly, goose-pimples erupting on her exposed arms. Harry looked around the room for a blanket and spotted one lying on the back of the sofa. He grabbed it and threw it over Hermione, tucking it under her chin and wrapping it snuggly around her arms.
He smiled sadly down at her and hoped that she'd come around soon, as Ron had.
Except Hermione was a different story, it was more his fault than it had been with Ron. Harry had confirmed her deepest fears and insecurities and had done nothing to rectify it. He'd never truly apologized, and she had made the right decision in leaving him behind.
It was a stupid thing, really, to keep someone around who so clearly didn't appreciate you. But Harry appreciated her now. He missed her company. He missed the way she'd roll her eyes at him and Ron. He missed the way she'd comment idly on the news in the morning. He missed so many things.
She was his sister in all but blood. He should have recognized that sooner.
He needed to talk with her, but he needed her alone.
An idea flickered alight in the sands of his mind. He'd seen her and Fleur socializing at mealtimes and in the library. It was possible that maybe, with the help of Fleur, he could get Hermione alone for a forced conversation. At least so he could finally truly apologize. If she didn't want him around after that… well, he'd accept her wishes, he supposed.
Getting Fleur's help would probably be the easy part. She was likely to do anything for him after today's task. He'd quite literally risked his own life, bringing himself to the brink, to save her 'leetle sister'.
'Do not make fun of her accent, Harry,'
Harry struck his hands up in silent surrender and apology to his mother. With his somewhat brightened mood, he threw one last brief glance down at Hermione before creeping up the boys' steps.
He was surprised to find Ron, not only awake but by the looks of it, writing in a journal.
'Er… Ron, you alright?' he asked hesitantly.
Ron's head jerked up the harry and he nodded absently. He was about to close whatever journal he was writing in when he hesitated and looked back up to Harry slowly. 'Hey… Harry,'
Harry stopped what he was doing, (pulling off his shoes, and hiking up his pyjama pants) and turned around to stare expectantly at Ron.
'I know you're going to go off and call me barmy… but… I had a sort of dream in divination yesterday.'
Harry frowned and made his way over to Ron. Pulling on his flannel pyjama shirt as he did so. He wasn't a fan of the subject, believed it to be absolute shite as far as he was concerned. But the art had determined his fate and led to the deaths of his parents so he should at least place some stock into the whole thing.
'What happened?' Harry asked, sitting on the side of his bed that faced Ron's.
Ron shifted awkwardly and pulled a small tome out of his drawer. The cover read: The Predictions of Tyco Dodonus. 'This is what we're studying… it's an incredibly famous book of prophecies and only one of them has never been assigned…' Harry nodded. This seemed like the typical Trelawney class plan, but it sounded far more interesting than anything they'd done in third year.
'Anyway,' Ron continued, 'I was looking through the pages and one of them - a specific prophecy - was sort of… calling to me. It's the one that hasn't been assigned… '
'Right,' said Harry, failing to keep the disbelief out of his own voice.
'For like… thousands of years, mate,' said Ron, trying to impress the importance of the subject on Harry, who continued to stare at Ron with a touch of horror. Had his best mate succumbed to Trelawney's circus? Had his absence truly left so much damage? 'Now I know this sounds… completely mental, but there was a voice saying 'Chamber of Secrets' over and over again. It was practically chanting the damn thing,' Ron seemed quite perturbed by this, and Harry couldn't help but agree. That was rather odd.
'Alright so what exactly was calling to you,'
'Here, let me read it out to you,' said Ron, cracking the ancient book open and flipping it to around halfway through. 'First in seven, First of seven. She rises as the sword falls. Born to those lesser, with the power to conquer them all. She is the key. The key to it all. First in seven, First of seven.'
Harry frowned and pinched the bridge of his nose. 'I really am not your expert on divination, mate,'
Ron nodded slowly, his face falling slightly. 'I know, which is why I don't want to bother you with it… but it's piqued my interest, that's all… and I wanted to know if the whole hearing voices thing was still happening to you or not,'
Harry shook his head. 'The basilisk is dead… no voices,'
Ron nodded with more determination now and closed his journal, setting aside his quill and ink and tossing the tome back into the drawer. 'Well… goodnight, then,'
'Yeah… Night Ron,'
It was just so nice to have Ron back that being able to say goodnight made Harry's heart soar. He had his best mate back… and even though Hermione may need some work, he felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted off his chest.
'You reckon Hermione thinks about me?' Ron's voice came as a surprise to Harry who had to stifle a snort of laughter at the out-of-the-blue question.
'To be honest… I don't know,' Harry replied.
He heard Ron shift under his covers. 'Because sometimes I feel like she might… but then the next day it's like I'm her little brother or something.'
Harry scratched the end of his nose. 'Well… I mean…'
'Oh, she definitely fancies you, Ron,' came Seamus's voice from across the circular room. 'Have you seen the way she looks at you?'
He heard Ron sit bolt upright. 'Really?' he asked, a little too excitedly.
Harry heard Dean cough and he had a distinct impression that he was trying to hide his own laughter.
'Definitely,' assured Seamus. 'She's mad for you, mate,'
'Mad for him?' Dean seemed unable to keep his voice to himself. 'Listen, Ron, you're a good bloke, but Hermione doesn't give any man the time of day. It's just in her nature,'
'How do you know her nature?' asked Harry. He heard Neville hum in agreement from his right and had to stifle the urge to roll over and laugh into his pillow at the thought of Neville listening intently, with his arms folded behind his head. The mental image in and of itself was hilarious.
'Well… I'm just going off what I know about her,' Dean replied.
'I reckon Ron and Harry have a better understanding of Hermione than you,' said Neville. There was a short silence before Seamus broke it again.
'What about you, Neville? Any girls on your radar?'
'The hell is a radar?' Ron muttered from Harry's left, only to be shushed by Dean.
Neville made a few noises of indignation and Seamus sighed. 'Right… because Longbottom's such a pansy, we'll each answer a specific question. I'll go first,' he paused, clearly thinking over what he was going to ask the group. Harry decided he might as well sit up for this, seeing as everyone else was.
'Most attractive girl in our year. Go!'
Dean was to Seamus's left, Harry's right, so he went first. 'Parvati, obviously,'
All the boys cried out in disagreement. 'Obviously?' said Neville in a rare bout of confidence. 'To no one, is that obvious,'
'Well go on then, Neville, let's hear it,' Dean retaliated.
'Hannah,' he said simply.
'Abbott or Sydney?' Seamus asked.
'Abbot, obviously,' said Harry, confidently.
'AHA!' Ron exclaimed. 'See that right there, Dean, is when you'd use the term 'obviously'. Hannah Abbot is gorgeous. Hannah Sydney is fuck ugly,'
The dormitory broke out into raucous laughter, save Dean, who didn't find it nearly as entertaining.
'Alright, alright, let's not be a bunch of dickheads,' said Dean, ever the mediator. 'None of the girls here are 'fuck ugly.' That's just sexist as hell,'
Quite a few sounds of muffled hesitant disagreement filled the room and Dean snapped his fingers. 'No, seriously, I reckon every girl in this castle is attractive. It just depends on the wizard's taste,'
'Such a gentleman, Dean,' said Seamus soothingly, as though he was speaking to a puppy. Harry heard the sound of a slap and figured Dean had just hit Seamus. 'See, it's times like these that it shows that you were raised by women,' Seamus quipped. The way he was speaking clearly indicated that his mouth was sore.
'What, that he's respectful and not a complete arse?' Harry shot back and Dean cried out in blessing.
'THANK YOU!' Dean sounded from his side of the dormitory.
'Alright, alright, Neville has it bad for Hannah… Potter, you next.'
Harry straightened. 'In our year?' he asked.
'Yeah,' came the four scattered replies.
Harry thought for a moment. If he was honest, his year was a bit dry, really. Per his taste, anyway. Yes, Hannah was beautiful and had a really pretty laugh. Which was something Harry always noticed in Herbology, against his will or not… but she wasn't exactly his type.
The girls that caught his eye and that he could truly define their attractiveness as their best feature were all in the year above him. Katie Bell and Cho Chang. Those two were bloody spectacular.
Well, then there was Ginny in the year below, who was just… brilliant.
'I'm with Neville, I reckon,' he said after a while. 'Hannah Abbot is really sweet,'
'We're going for looks, here, not dating prospects,' said Seamus irritably.
'Well, she's got that too!' Neville all but shouted. Harry found his defensiveness rather endearing. The girl had danced with him two or three times and he had seemingly taken the role of her personal knight in shining armour.
'The power these girls had over us,' he thought, absently.
'You're all too submissive. That's the real problem. And poor Neville…'
'Shh, Mum, it's Ron's turn,'
Ron didn't have to get called on. 'Daphne Greengrass,' he said to stunned silence.
'Not Hermione?' Seamus asked.
Ron laughed. 'Like you said before… We're going for looks, not dating prospects,'
'Fucking hell, I think Dean's asleep,' said Seamus. 'OI, DEAN!' he shouted.
His snores were the only answer they got.
'This wanker, honesty, sleeps through the bloody apocalypse,' said Seamus irritably.
'What about you Seamus?' Harry asked, grinning.
'Lavender Brown, obviously,'
'Yet another case of a misused 'obviously,' said Neville.
'Don't get smart with me, Longbottom,'
'Alright, what about the year above us?' suggested Ron jubilantly. He seemed to be thoroughly enjoying this conversation.
'No, I reckon we should go back to your infatuation with Hermione for a minute,' said Seamus. You could tell from his voice that he was smiling. He cackled when Ron groaned and everyone heard him fall back onto his mattress, the springs creaking slightly.
'She's just… alright, anything we say here stays in this room, yeah?' blurted Ron angrily.
Seamus let out a sigh of irritation. 'It's like you think we're new to this, or something,'
'Right… just wanted to make sure,' said Ron before he took in a deep breath. 'Hermione is just… brilliant,'
'We know that much,' interrupted Seamus.
'Shut up for a minute, alright? Ron's trying to have a heart to heart,' Harry teased and received a pillow to the face for his efforts.
'As I was saying,' Ron continued, pulling his pillow back to himself and hugging it. 'She's just so amazing. She always helps you, no matter the situation. She's generous and forgiving… she'd do anything for you if you treated her with just an ounce of respect… it's amazing. She knows when to set me straight, and I know when to straighten her out too… I don't know I just… I feel like we're a perfect match, you know?'
It was a thick silence but when Seamus talked it didn't have the air of teasing to it. 'If you think you've got this great connection… why do you argue so much?'
Ron laughed. 'Want to know a secret? And you cannot tell anyone this, alright?'
'Cross my heart and hope to die, Ron,' said Harry with false emotion. Another pillow.
Ron took a deep breath and began to talk. 'I like winding her up… she gets so passionate about it and it's brilliant to listen to. Alright, yeah, sometimes we do have legitimate arguments… like S.P.E.W and her cat or whatever… but for the most part I just like listening to her talk,' Harry couldn't stop himself from finding that rather charming. But Ron wasn't done. 'On top of that, I think she likes that I argue with her. I reckon she likes that I stand my ground, and hold my opinion. I challenge her. I make her have to think and I reckon not that many things make her think. She's just that smart!'
Harry laughed. It made total sense. Hermione's favourite thing in the world was learning, which involved thinking. Yet whenever she started an argument with someone, they'd either stand down immediately or block her out. Ron nearly always fought her on things with his own opinions. Not only did it strengthen Ron's character, but it made her have to treat the argument, her opinion, and Ron's, like a puzzle.
'I hope she returns your feelings one day, mate,' said Harry quietly.
'Yeah, me too,' piped Neville.
They fell into a comfortable silence.
'What about you, Harry? Anyone you fancy?' asked Ron.
'I thought he was dating that squib girl…' Seamus trailed off.
Harry laughed at the thought. It seemed like such a distant thing, his passing fancy for Elizabeth. 'No, there's nothing between me and Elizabeth. We kissed once, er… twice… shit I don't know how many times, but it wasn't more than four. Anyway, I don't hold any feelings towards her and she doesn't for me,'
'Alright… so do you fancy anyone?' Ron asked again.
Harry thought long and hard. Did he have feelings for anyone at the moment? Yes, he might fancy Ginny Weasley, but he wasn't exactly sure on that front. No one else had caught his attention, however.
'I don't know,' he replied truthfully.
'Same,' said Neville at the same time as Seamus said, 'How the hell do you not know?'
'You just… don't,' Neville explained, helpfully. He heard Ron and Seamus's exasperated sighs and elaborated. 'Like, you see them, and you feel all warm… and their smile makes you smile… but that could be any pretty girl, couldn't it? And… well, you've got to be certain if you're going to make any sort of move. But then again, you don't really want to make a move, because what if you're already good friends, or at least, friends enough… well now you're jeopardizing that entire friendship over your selfish feelings. So, you just spend hours staring at the ceiling wondering what the hell is going on inside your head, but in the end, you don't do anything, because, well, you only might fancy them.'
Harry could have praised Neville from the rooftops for how helpful he'd been. He'd worded it all perfectly. Sure, he might think he liked Ginny that way, but the second he acts on it and inevitably gets rebuffed, well, that's a lost friendship. Simple as that.
'Two hundred points to Gryffindor for Mr. Longbottom,' cried Harry with mock enthusiasm.
He heard Ron shift under his covers and lay his head down on his pillow. 'You all think too much,' he muttered, before almost immediately falling asleep. His snores echoed loudly through the room.
'How does he do that? Just… falls asleep like that?' said Seamus across from Harry.
'No clue,' Harry replied.
'WE think too much… unbelievable,' muttered Neville, 'coming from the bloke who's drooling over Hermione Granger,'
Harry then smothered himself with his own pillow and laughed.
One by one, his hearing picked up on the other boys falling asleep. But he couldn't help but stay awake. His thoughts kept drifting to Ginny.
Something was wrong with her, and he wanted to help. He wanted to help so desperately and he was questioning why he needed to do so.
'Mum?'
She hummed kindly in acknowledgment.
'How… how do you know if you really, truly have feelings for someone?'
Lily took a while, but eventually, she sighed. 'I don't know how to explain it with words,' Harry frowned, but his mum wasn't done. 'But I can show you?'
Harry thought for a moment before nodding his head and thinking. 'Yeah, alright.'
His vision blurred and refocused. He was standing in the scouting booth of the Quidditch pitch. It was the only portion of the stands that was closed off. He realized with a start that he was watching this play out through someone else's eyes.
His mother's eyes.
He was but a spectator. Unable to look around unless she herself had. Harry couldn't tell from the wind or anything, but he knew it to be summer. Because Lily knew that at the time.
Her thoughts were whirring about as though he himself were thinking them. It was all rather disorienting so he focused on shutting himself up and allowing himself to focus on his mother's thoughts.
'Stupid arrogant prat. I swear to god I'm going to fucking kill him. The nerve of him… after today, too! So I finally wise up and come after him to his stupid secret midnight hang-out, and he loses his bloody mind. Who the hell does James Bloody-'
Her thoughts were cut short as the door to the viewing area slammed open and then closed. A man walked through, well, a teenager, really. He looked exactly like Harry did, except with hazel eyes, and s slightly different nose. His musculature was less defined, which made sense seeing as James wasn't a werewolf, Harry thought glumly.
'What the fuck is your problem!' Lily screeched. 'So I finally decide that I'm sick of your and Remus's excuses, so I come out and follow you to your little secret Whomping Willow-'
'Shut the fuck up for a minute, Evans!' James was pacing furiously and Harry couldn't help but feel that the thought of these two married was rather horrifying. Clearly, some serious character work had transpired between whenever this was, to their marriage.
He knew when this was, though. He could feel it in the way Lily was. She was sixteen. Having just completed her O.W.L's at the end of her fifth year. This was only a few days before the summer holidays.
Lily seemed taken aback by James' outburst. 'Do you have any fucking idea how close you just got to dying?' James asked in a low menacing tone.
Surprised by James' demeanor, she answered truthfully, though her voice was coursed with rage. 'No, Potter, I don't… How about you go ahead and explain? Seeing as I'm so oblivious.'
James instantly deflated and waved his wand, seemingly without purpose, but had actually conjured a chair non-verbally.
'How'd he do that?' coursed through her mind but she didn't voice her shock and slight admiration at a bit of outstanding magic.
'That isn't my secret to share,' he whispered. Lily wouldn't have been able to hear him if they hadn't been locked inside a room sound-proofed room.
'Convenient,' Lily hissed. Collapsing into a chair by verbally muttering the charm as quietly as possible. She didn't want Potter to one-up her.
'You need to picture it in your head,' he said, taking her by surprise. He wasn't looking at her, but he pointed in the general direction of the chair she now sat in. 'If you want to do it non-verbally,' he elaborated. Lily rolled her eyes. He just had to explain everything.
Potter wasn't done, however. 'The books… you know… they tell you you've got to really imagine yourself saying the spell but in your head or whatever… truth is, you can just imagine the outcome and focus your magic… you know, that warm bubbly feeling in your arms… and picture your result. Then, well, voila,' he flourished his hand and looked around the room, avoiding turning his head in Lily's direction.
'I don't care for your transfiguration lectures. God knows you make it quite clear how great you are at the subject every day. Believe me, Potter, I don't need more of your bragging.' Lily huffed in reply. Folding her arms over her chest while secretly filing away his advice for later.
'I wasn't bragging,' he said quietly. He seemed quite irritated with the thought.
Lily only hummed in acknowledgment. 'Why do you sneak out once a month?' she asked, determinedly.
James stiffened. 'Like I said, that isn't my secret to share,'
Lily stood up. 'So I guess this is all to do with the bloody Marauders then? It's one of your little troupe secrets? Fine,' she made her way to the door but Potter beat her to it. He grabbed her by the arm and pinned her against the wall.
'Do not go out there,' he said through gritted teeth.
Lily hated how attractive he was. If he wasn't such an entitled git she'd have kissed him right then. Cursing herself for even thinking that ridiculous thought, she said, 'Just because you fancy me doesn't mean you can lock me in a room with you. You're such a creep! If you want to keep me here so bad, tell me why!' she insisted in the same manner.
James let go of her and took a step back. 'Honestly, Evans, let me just set this straight with you. I get it, you don't fancy me. And you know what? I don't give a single flying fuck at the moment,'
Lily flinched at the way he was speaking to her but stood her ground.
'You can reject me however much you like! But putting me at risk. Putting yourself at risk, but most importantly, putting my friends in mortal peril the way you just did, is not okay!'
'Mortal Peril?' Lily shrieked in indignation. 'What, would I have caused one of your ridiculous pranks to have gone wrong?'
'You think that's how we got our bloody name?' James shouted. 'No, Lily, we sneak out, we place our lives on the line to make sure that Remus doesn't fucking kill himself!'
Lily's shock stopped her in her tracks. 'What?' she asked quietly. She'd done prefect patrols with Remus for months now. He seemed perfectly content.
James walked over to the window that overlooked the pitch. Initially, Lily thought he was going to stare in wonder at his ridiculous turf but instead he pointed to the night sky. 'Figure it out yourself, Evans,'
Lily walked over to where he was standing and stared intently at the stars. Hogwarts truly did have a magnificent view of the cosmos. Unaltered by muggle grime.
'What is it?' she said, turning to face him. Her eyes focused on the reflection of the full moon in James' eyes and it hit her. 'Oh my god,' she said, aghast.
James scowled down at her. 'Yeah,' he replied. Walking back to his conjured chair and sat in it. His elbows rested on his knees and he let his face fall into his hands. 'The transformation is brutal… without us, he'd scratch himself to death... eventually.'
Lily stared in open shock and slid down the glass until she was sitting on the floor. 'How do you help him?' she said, quietly.
James stared at her apprehensively for a moment before shrugging his right shoulder and standing up. There was a brilliant flash of white light, and in his place now stood an elegant stag. Its antlers were wide and beautiful. The eyes were a soft hazel and Lily noticed an odd tuft of hair sticking up at the back of the stag's head. She couldn't hold in the small laugh that escaped her lips at the sight of it. Even in his animagus form, his hair was unruly as ever.
He transformed back and smiled ruefully down at her. 'Yeah, I keep my hair's tendency to... do its own thing,'
'So you… what? Became animagi to help him? How does that work?'
James sighed. 'He's… calmer when we're around. Me and Sirius are big enough that we could technically hold him in a fight in case a wizard got too close. Peter is small enough to stop the tree from moving and… well… yeah, we keep him company,' he finished and ruffled his hair.
Lily couldn't help but feel as though she'd seriously… well, fucked up. She let her head fall. Resting her forehead against her drawn-up kneecaps. 'Fuck,' she whispered.
Her head shot up when James spoke again after nearly five minutes of silence. 'I don't know how he made it to Hogwarts, to be honest,' it seemed that this was something James had wanted to talk about for a while. Lily got the distinct impression that he wouldn't have said a word of this to Sirius or Peter. 'When we revealed to him what we'd been working on for the last… Merlin, must have been three years.,' he paused, deep in thought, before nodding. 'Anyway… when we told him he just,' he shrugged his hands to the side and let them come together in a clap. His face set in a grimace. 'He just cried, Lily. He never imagined anyone would do something like that for him and he just… he cried and then he laughed and, honestly, you know when someone smiles and you just… it's the best part of your day, you know? Well, that's what this was like. He was that happy.' She noticed with a start that Pot- James, was teary-eyed. He wiped his eye and sniffled briefly. 'It was Sirius's idea. We thought it mad, at first… but we just wanted Remus to stop hurting, I suppose.'
Harry felt it then. The warmth that spread through Lily's system. An odd bubbling at the pit of her stomach and a strange giddiness that enraptured her senses. Lily had noticed something in James that night.
There was a long, prolonged silence. Nothing but the odd creak in the wood of the stands or the distant howl that Lily now knew came from Remus himself.
'You're not…' Lily bit her lip. 'Am I seriously about to say this?' 'You aren't an arrogant toerag, James,'
It was the first time she'd said his name properly in a sentence like this. She couldn't really apologize, because she wasn't exactly sorry, but she felt that this was accurate.
'Actually, I am,' he said, sighing. 'But I'm working on it, I suppose,'
Lily shook her head. James Potter was just so… confusing...
The memory faded, and Harry was drawn back to his dormitory and the distant snores of his fellow Gryffindors.
'I don't get it,' Harry thought, mildly.
'It really was subtle, looking back. At the time it felt like I'd been hit by a bus. All of a sudden he just wasn't so unappealing… he'd stood his ground, hadn't caved under my frustrations. He'd talked so passionately about his friends and, I don't know… his dedication to them sort of clicked in my mind and I realized that a complete and total arse couldn't care so much. Couldn't LOVE so much. It was in stark contrast with Severus, who had quite recently called me a mudblood. But that feeling, I don't know if you felt it… it's when I registered that, well, your dad was actually a good person… as you'd heard my inner dialogue, you knew that I found him attractive so I suppose finding out that he actually did have a heart sort of finished the puzzle,'
Harry fell into mental silence for a bit. Thinking everything over. 'He was still a git, though,'
Lily laughed. 'Yes, he was. But as he said, he was self-aware, and he worked on it. We became friends after that night and… well I kissed him at the end of our sixth year. I felt like such an idiot because I thought he didn't fancy me anymore. He hadn't asked me out in nearly a year, so I wasn't getting my regular hints,' Harry chuckled out loud at that. 'But then he stared at me for a moment and just as I was about to go he pulled me back in and, well, REALLY kissed me. Harry didn't appreciate the dreamy inflection of his mother's voice. 'Oh, hush. It was fun and I like thinking about it.' Harry rolled his eyes and she continued. 'He kept it secret from his friends, too. Because he wanted to be able to come to visit me during the summer without having to deal with the teasing. That was another eye-opener, actually. I still had those stray thoughts that he might just want to flaunt me about as a trophy, but he really didn't tell anyone we were dating at school. He just let them figure it out. It was… impressive, I suppose. He really matured, but he never let go of his sense of humour or his… well, what made him James, I suppose,'
The way his mum talked about his father was enthralling. Though he was only fourteen, he longed to be able to talk about someone with such… love and pride. He knew he could. He knew he could do that with all of his friends. Hell, even Neville, probably.
But he had never loved anyone. Not like that.
'Oh, Harry,' she cooed, 'You're still so young. You'll find someone and they'll be brilliant. You'll be able to tell your own kids all about whoever it is you fall for. You're more articulate than me, though. I'd wager that they'd be even more captivated by how you talked about their mother,'
Harry blushed at the thought of children. A part of him longed to love someone in the way Lily so clearly did. Hell, even the way Ron talked about Hermione made him feel all funny.
He wanted that. But he didn't know how to get it. And he didn't know if he wanted to, either.
Lily seemed to feel bad for him. Or perhaps she just wanted to give him life advice, because she thought to him, 'I think that whoever you chose will be the best thing to ever happen to you. But don't listen to your head, with girls… listen to your heart, alright? That's all your father ever had to do, but it took him nearly six years to figure it out,'
Harry chuckled dryly. 'Okay, mum,'
'Goodnight, sweetheart,'
Harry drifted off to sleep without returning the thought. He felt his mother distance herself from his mind to prove that he'd made his own dreams, and he succumbed to the darkness.
He dreamt of a night sky. The roof of the sixth floor. And Ginny once again spun in his arms.
He was fourteen. He didn't need to rush things.