Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Twilight and Divergent. Those rights are reserved for Stephanie Myer and Veronica Roth. I do own the original characters created for the storyline. Please support the official release.
Writer's Notes: Thank you for the reviews! I am still mobile lol. I have doing that alot. sometimes it's easier to do my stories on my phone while holding a baby. My baby nearly 6 months old now. So time is flying by so fast! As always I appreciate all of you! Don't forget to follow, favorite and review!
Pain can be a number of things. Physical pain can often be overcome with enough physical therapy and will power. Mental pain is another story. A fractured mind leads to other issues. Issues that someone might not make it back from.
A week passed. Bella woke up a week ago in the hospital bay where once again Carlisle saved her life. She should have a special ticket where he stamps and for every 10 hospital visits, she gets something free with the 11th visit.
But she was recovered now. More stitches but she was used to stitches at this point. She hasn't talked about Tris. It happened and it was over. She was shutting down. A shell of herself and it was worrisome for Eric and the others that cared about her.
Tris's death was wrote off as a Divergent sympathizer. Which was the opposite of what she really was but that's what they did in Dauntless. They covered shit up. Things were not always what they seemed.
Jasper was in shock that Bella actually killed her own sister. Lukas was the one to tell Jasper what really happened and it was scary to watch Bella in the state she was in now. She was dangerous.
Eric watched Bella move through the day like she was a ghost. Only speaking to him when he spoke to her and at night the last week, she locked herself in her own room and didn't come to his.
Bella decided that alcohol was going to help so after training was over, she went to the bazaar. She went straight to the bar and signaled for the bartender to bring her the whole bottle of bourbon. She thought about everything. She killed her sister. Her own sister to protect people she didn't really even know. Divergents that she has helped get to the city. She protected Eric and Four. Lukas and Jasper. She had found the documents that Tris had mentioned and she set them on fire. No one would know. Not outside the circle anyways.
Bella pushed down emotion and let it eat at her inside because that's all she could do. She couldn't let it out in fear of what it would do to those around her. She swung the bottle up and downed a good bit of the bourbon before she set it down. She was fast pacing her way through alcohol. Anything to numb the pain she was feeling in her heart and mind. She spent a lot of time here in the bazaar this week drinking like this until Lukas or Jasper showed up to stop her and she just disappeared into her room to be alone.
She saw someone passing someone something. Looked like some sort of pill or something. She was curious and she approached the guy and raised a brow nodding to his pocket. The guy looked at her with dark eyes that were lined with liner and his hair was shaved on one side while the rest was swooped over to the side and draped down in his face some. He nodded and took something from his pocket, slid it to her and she took it. She inspected it first before she popped it into her mouth and washed it down with the bourbon.
She sat there for a while as the world floated around her. It was finally gone. The pain that seemed to hold her trapped to this world. She felt light as she sat there and it forced a grin onto her face. She tipped up the bourbon and drank the rest of it down. She was completely gone. There wasn't a coherent thing about her now as she stood and wobbled out of the bazaar. Her mind floated around, creating a vertigo effect. She couldn't feel anything. Even her body. Small tingles went through her chest and she felt herself stumble a little more as she walked out of the bazaar. She paused as she saw the world spin around her completely and then she collapsed to the floor, falling backwards into darkness.
Jasper went towards the bazaar to find Bella and make her stop drinking. Eric was talking something over with Four and he promised he would get Bella back to her room so she wouldn't find more trouble.
He stopped when he saw Bella's body laying on the ground right outside the bazaar. She was pale, her mouth slightly opened and she was out cold from the looks of it. He rushed to her side to check on her, he felt for a pulse and didn't find one. He felt panic shoot through him and he started doing chest compressions.
"Come on Bella." Jasper said as he pumped his arms.
Lukas walked through the training area looking at his palm pilot. Bella hasn't answered him so he was going to the bazaar to find her. He heard heavy breathing and he looked up seeing Jasper doing chest compressions on Bella. He ran across the room sliding to the ground beside Bella and Jasper.
"What happened?!" Lukas managed to get out.
"I don't know. Get Eric now!" Jasper commander.
Lukas looked at the palm pilot, finding Eric's palm pilot listed and called it. Eric picked up pretty quick. "Eric come now. Outside the bazaar. Bella is unresponsive Jasper is doing chest compressions now." He said and hung up. He looked back at Bella's face. She was so pale.
Jasper felt sweat form on his arms and his forehead as he continued chest compressions. This was 5 minutes now. "Check her pulse." He told Lukas and Lukas grabbed her wrist and waited and shook his head. He ran a hand through his hair. This couldn't be happening.
Eric and Four were running across towards the three of them and Eric saw Bella laying there as Jasper pumped her chest. "What the fuck happened?" Eric went to the ground on the other side of Bella.
"I don't know." Jasper said in between his compressions.
Lukas looked felt her pulse again and shook his head. "Damnit that's 8 minutes Jasper. She has no pulse."
Eric felt his whole world starting to shatter right there before him. "No pulse!? Four get Carlisle. Tell him possible overdose. Now!"
Four nodded taking his palm pilot and calling for Carlisle.
Jasper felt his arms start to sting from the compressions. He knew he had already broke one of her ribs with the compressions but he needed her pulse to come back so he could get her breathing. "Dammit Bella. Why the fuck did you do this!" Jasper yelled and then he hit her chest in three hard thumps and Bella sucked in a harsh breath.
Jasper moved her to her side immediately and Bella threw up. Her body shook and she started seizing. "Lukas her legs. Eric move." He said and shifted holding her arms across her chest and then clamped her jaw so she couldn't open her mouth to bite her tongue.
Eric was helpless as he watched Jasper once again save her. Or try and save her. When the seizing stopped, she stopped breathing again but her pulse was still there. Jasper leaned down, giving her rescue breaths before starting compressions again. He was focused as he continued trying to save Bella from herself.
After a few more rescue breaths Bella sucked in more breaths and Jasper turned her again for her to vomit.
Carlisle rushed across carrying something in a syringe. Bella was breathing but she was really out of it. He went to the ground beside her and he injected her with whatever was in the syringe that would counteract what was in her system.
"I've seen this more than once unfortunately." Carlisle said and leaned back when he saw Bella's color start to come back.
Eric was shaking a little as he gathered Bella into his arms and Jasper helped him get her up. He cradled her close to him. "I'm taking her to sick bay." He said his voice tight. His chest was hurting from the heart ache. He wanted Bella to stop spiraling so hard and just realize that she has him. That he's there to help her through everything.
Bella woke in the hospital bed. She glanced over to see Jasper. "What?" she felt a little disoriented. She remembered being in the bazaar and that was it.
Jasper sighed with relief when she spoke. He actually felt tears prick his eyes. "Damn it Bella. We almost fucking lost you."
Bella remembered the drugs and the bourbon. "I'm already lost Jasper. Don't get emotional over me. I'm not worth it."
"FUCK THAT." Jasper actually shouted and it got Eric and Lukas's attention and they came into the room. "That's so fucking selfish. You're being selfish. You don't think we all have issues? That losing people didn't fuck with something in our heads? Do you know what you put me through? Do you honestly don't fucking care?"
Bella blinked blankly at him. "I can't anymore. I can't do this anymore."
"So what? You give the fuck up? No. You don't get to do that. You don't get to just check out like that." Jasper said and shook his head. "We almost lost you." His voice broke. "You were dead for several minutes and all I could think was how much I fucking love you." He breathed. "You tried to disappear." Jasper's voice broke. He was usually composed but he was falling apart now. "I love you. I fucking love you. Don't fucking give anymore excuses. Don't you fucking do it. You're selfish." Tears actually fell.
Bella saw Jasper falling apart and she felt the pain in her chest. It was the first sort of pain that signified guilt. Guilt for putting him through that but she was in so much pain over Tris. "I…"
Jasper just shook his head and he walked away, brushing last Eric. Lukas looked at Eric seeing the pain on Eric's face. He looked back at Bella, seeing how overwhelmed she was.
"I'll go after him. " Lukas said and left Eric there with Bella.
Eric stood there silent at first trying to find his voice. "Do you hate me that much? So much you would try and kill yourself?"
Bella felt her tears surface then. "I could never hate you. Eric… I love you. Why would you… why would you think that?"
"You nearly died Bella. All week you've been distant and shutting me out. I can't… I can't do this. It hurts. It hurts so fucking much. My entire world just crumbled around me. Seeing you like that on the ground. It killed something in me. You're trying to take yourself away from me and my love for you."
Bella felt the sob and she looked down at her hands, flexing her bionic hand as she thought about Al and then Tris. "I'm in so much pain Eric." She said her voice shaking.
Eric shook his head. "I know. You have to talk to me. You've shut me out. I want to help you but I can't if you don't let me. This isn't fair Bella. It's fucked up. I just… I can't keep putting myself through that. Not if you're going to end up dead somewhere because of your own actions."
"You don't want to be with me… you're leaving me." Bella felt a stab in her chest and she cried a little harder.
Eric teared up. Seeing her like this tore him apart inside. He wanted nothing more than her to be by his side forever. He didn't want to walk away from her. "Bella I love you so fucking much it hurts. It physically hurts me." He said and then he took her hands in his. He looked at them, tears in his eyes. "I need you to look at me and tell me you're not going to do this again. That you're not going to shut me out anymore. I need you to look at me and tell me those things so I know you're not going to do this again."
Bella looked at him her eyes red with tears and she saw the pain in his steel eyes. She had hurt him. She never wanted that. Never wanted to see him so hurt. She nodded. "I promise I won't… I won't do that again. I love you Eric. God, I'm so sorry." She sobbed our.
Eric then slid into the bed with her, pulling her into his arms holding her as she sobbed. She broke down and cried for everything that had happened. Losing Al, killing Tris. She wept for her parents who didn't even know Tris was dead now. She wept for Al and how she should have worked harder to save him.
Eric held her tight, kissing the top of her head as she cried in in his arms. A few tears fell from his face and mated with her hair as they silently held each other.