Chapter 14

"We have known for a long time, that she was concealing something," Haldir said flatly, "I confess, I did not realize the depth of her secret."

Haldir stood before his Lord recounting the events of the morning. Quite a stir had been caused by the revelations that occurred. The morning seemed an anxious blur that had led to this moment. The Marchwarden, in full uniform and sword, divulged the true identity of their guest.

"She carries the ring of Barahir as a betrothal gift. Her retinue was attacked on the journey to her marriage to the Dúnedain heir."

"It was bold of her to tell you," Celeborn said slowly, "She must love you a good deal to trust you with the truth."

"Yes," Haldir answered dully. His brain was in a fog. Hylin-no, Gilraen-had been almost wild with grief during their last interview. Nothing he could say could calm her tears, and in truth, his own mind doubted the assurances he had spoken.

"Was there anything else she disclosed?" Celeborn inquired, "I will carry this news to my queen eon."

"I do not know," Haldir answered. His lips were dry. Passing his tongue over them, Haldir said, "She will not see me now. Roswyth feels it is best for a time to allow her—Lady Gilraen, respite."

"It must be very difficult for you." Celeborn said gently, "It grieves me that this matter has fallen out this way."

"It is no fault of yours my Lord," Haldir blinked, "I have only myself to blame. Since her arrival here, I knew that she withheld some part of her history. I allowed myself to be distracted from my duties in discovering her true identity."

"You have committed no error so great that it has not happened to thousands of men through the ages. You love her. No, Haldir, you are a great solider, but you are a man," Celeborn said firmly, "Lady Gilraen is very beautiful. There are few who would not fall to her charm."

"Forgive me, my Lord, you misunderstand me. I blame myself for pressing my suit upon the lady when she was forced to conceal her true name to protect herself. How could she possibly feel free to deny me, when she was under my protection?" Haldir shook his head, "No, it is I who have failed her. Lady Gilraen was wise to disguise herself."

"I can only say there are few who would agree with this assessment of yourself," Celeborn said, "Including the Lady Galadriel and I. Now I must go to my wife, although I daresay she already has learned this secret."

"My Lord, I ask your leave to write to the Lady Gilraen's people to make them aware that she is alive and well. They would have had a long and anxious winter." Haldir asked.

"Yes, see that a message is sent on to the Dúnedain as well. It is only right that they known whom exactly resides within the Golden Wood."

"They may already be aware," Haldir explained, "I wrote before the winter settled into the mountains. If they were clever enough to discover her secret, then they already know Lady Gilraen is here. In truth, they may be on their way to the wood now. My wardens have made me aware of movement in the passes."

Celeborn's eyes were knowing, "Then you have very little time. You should speak to her."

"How can I? My very presence distresses her. How can I be sure that any choice she makes it without coercion?" Haldir turned anguished eyes to the Lord of the Wood, "How can I do anything but set her free of any obligation to me?"

Celeborn grabbed Haldir about the shoulders, "Do you think you have nothing more to offer to her than protection? You have wisdom, strength and love to outlast any life time. If you think all she sees in you is safety, you are foolish. As for her distress-life is distressing. You have eternity to consider your choices, Gilraen does not."

Haldir set his jaw and nodded. Celeborn released him and they parted without another word. Turmoil boiled under the surface, but Haldir pushed it away as he went in search of his love. Evening was wanning when he reached her flet and learned from Roswyth that she had escaped to the garden. He found her there, a shawl wrapped tightly around her shoulders as she paced tensely back and forth over the mossy ground.

Gilraen, the name was still strange to his mind, was exhausted. Her face was pale, tightly drawn and stained by salt tears. She had not eaten all day, Roswyth had told him, but had wept and refused any efforts to comfort her.

Haldir carefully stepped on a twig to signal his arrival before stepping into view.

She froze in place, staring toward him. She took several deep breaths and pulled the shawl closer. She made an effort to speak, but long hours of crying and no refreshment only allowed a croak to pass her lips. Gilraen passed her hand over her face and her knees gave out. Haldir caught her a moment later, his strong arms catching her fragile frame easily. He lifted her against her chest, and pressed his lips to her glossy hair.

"Ah, my poor –my lady," he breathed, "Forgive me? I cannot help myself when I see you like this."

Gilraen moaned and turned her face into his shoulder, "Forgive—you? You have done no wrong to me."

She reached up and pulled him into her. Their lips met first hesitantly and then with intense passion. All the torment of the day, all the hidden truths that had rocked their existence, melted away as kiss deepened in kiss. Haldir shuddered, his arms sliding Gilraen to her feet and finding a grip against a tree for support. The rough touch of the bark bite into her back, as Gilraen welcomed the crush of Haldir's body against her own. All the longing of the hours away from him, this was what Gilraen had desired.

Haldir broke their kiss to rain a trail of kisses along her jaw and down her throat, lifting her up in his arms. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Gilraen pressed him closer as he found her collarbone and pressed his lips to the hallow of her throat. A groan of desire broke from her lips as heat grew in her body. She tangled her fingers into the silken strands of his hair as he brought her to rest on his thigh. Gods, she wanted him to never stop.

She wrapped her legs around him, pulling his head back to a kiss. Some part of her mind was aware that his passion had risen, but when she moved to excite him, Haldir pulled away suddenly. His lips were red and swollen and hers must be, and his eyes were lit with desire. He pushed her back away from him, his hand firm on her belly and hip.

"Gods, I would wed you this instant if I dared," his growl was raw with emotion.

"I would not deny you," she gasped, "I long to be with you—completely."

Blush stole into her cheeks as Gilraen spoke. Haldir felt his body rage to yield to her sweet request, her parted lips and heaving breasts so fragile, so tempting. He ran his thumb along her swollen lips, and shook his head.

"We cannot," he ground the words out, "We dare not."

She looked confused, "Do you not want me?"

He silenced her with a kiss, his tongue massaging hers until she moaned.

"I want you as I have never wanted anything in this world," he said softly.

"And yet?" she whispered.

"And yet, I cannot claim you, in good faith-not while you are promised to another."

Gilraen leaned her against hir chest, her breath still panting, "Do not speak of it. It is only you and I in this moment."

Haldir wrapped his arms around her in the gathering gloom of the evening. All around them, the night birds were beginning to stir and test their songs as the sun slid behind the mountains. The cool of the evening curled around them like a cloud and a mist ghosted over the ground in soft tendrils as they held each other. Haldir found Gilraen's shawl and adjusted it over her shoulders. As his fingers grazed along her collarbone, she shivered and her eyes found his.

"You must not look as me so, melin ore," Haldir whispered roughly, "You overcome all my defenses."

"You must not touch me like that," she replied, "How can I not desire you when your very touch ignites my soul?"

Haldir groaned and wrenched himself away from her.

"I did not come here to rob you of your virtue," he ground out. He dragged a hand through his hair and looked at her with wild eyes, "It is my duty to protect you."

Gilraen's eyes were flooded with tears," I have been protected my whole life. I hoped in you, I had found someone to love me."

"I do love you," he answered, "I will love you. Despite all obstacles or objections, I will love you for the rest of your life. I will love you beyond the borders of time itself if Eru allows it. Nothing in this world can change the course of my love for you. You must know that."

As Haldir had spoken, Gilraen saw a light growing in his eyes, a warmth she had never observed their before. The dark blue warmed to a cobalt hue and Gilraen knew it was true what all the books she had read had recounted. When a life partner was chosen and love was given, a physical change took place in the ellon or elleth visible to all those around them.

She reached out and took his hand between her two small ones, "I do see it. I know it."

Haldir looked down at their clasped hands and covered them with his remaining hand, "Then you must know, that I would never leverage that love against you."

Her brow creased, "Against me?"

He nodded, "I will not force you to make a decision that is not of your own free will. A choice made when the mind and heart are clear without impediment."

"What are you speaking of?" Gilraen sounded worried, "You cannot mean?"

"You give your promise to him long before we met," Haldir said slowly, "By all accounts, he is a good man, a fine King. I cannot come between you and your betrothed simply because fate brought you to the Golden Wood."

"You do not come between us," Gilraen said sharply, "There is nothing save ceremony betwixt us."

"You are not his promised bride?"

Gilraen dropped her eyes, "I am. But I did not know—I could not know that I would love you."

Haldir trailed his fingers along the curve of her cheek, "Nor I you. But you made vows before all your people to become his wife. It is a pledge not lightly broken."

Gilraen leaned into his hand, but broke away at his words, "It can be! It must be broken. How can I marry him now? How can I ever be content to be his wife when I know that you are in the world? Do you want me to marry him?"

"No," Haldir said firmly, "But as I love you, I must guard your honor too. I must encourage you to keep your oaths."

"Even if it means, that I leave here and become his wife?" she asked coldly.

"Even then."

She stared at him in disbelief, "How can you say such things? Is your sense of honor and duty so strong that you would place it before your own love?"

"My love and my duty have never before been so conflicted," Haldir answered, "I have always relied on my training when the way forward is obscured. I must do so now and I would beg you to consider the same. It maybe that the way becomes clear in the end."

"You speak as someone who does not know Arathorn Dúnedain," Gilraen said bitterly, "He is known for his tenacity. He applied for my hand long ago. My father was against the match because my age, but my mother pressed for the suit. She told me that once granted, Arathorn would keep his promises and see it through. I consented because I did not know that a greater life could ever exist in this world. I was promised to be a queen and knew no better. But I do not love him."

She lifted her gaze to find his, "He may not release me from my marriage contract."

Haldir pulled her close, "We must pray that he will."

"And if he does not?" she whispered.

"I do not know," Haldir answered, "I do not know.