Dinner, well it happened, unfortunately so. Henry tried his best to lighten the mood the best way he knew how. But, you can really only listen to so many incest jokes before finding them less funny each time. Especially when you're from the south. You get enough of those kinds of jokes from anyone who, well, doesn't live there.
Emma had to give the old man credit where it's warranted, though, he was a brilliant storyteller. His animated gestures paired with his gravelly old smoke worn voice was one thing, but then his ability to mimic different accents was what made him so engaging and easy to listen to. Emma could imagine, little four-year-old Regina laying in bed at night listening to her daddy telling her about tales that followed the lives of giants and witches casting spells, or circus animals and trapeze dancers with lions breathing fire while making shadow puppets under dim lighting. It was a wonder how she and Regina hadn't talked more about this man.
His likable personality was magnetic and even though his crude humor was a little overbearing at times, it at least made things intriguing.
In a deep southern accent, Henry said, "Well that young man jumped up like a shot, dove out the winda, and ran all the way home." He laughed to himself, "He sees his pa sittin' on the front porch and says, 'Pa! Pa, I don't know what to do!'"
Henry coughed into his napkin and then looked bemused like the boy's Pa. "And his Pa says, 'Whadya mean you don't know what to do!'" He sat his napkin back down flat in his lap.
He laughed and looked at his wife and smiled. His voice was higher pitched to indicate his younger age. "And the young man says, 'Well, we was layin' down in bed…'"
"Pa says, "Yeah…'" His eyes then focused on Emma.
"The young man says, "...well, pa, she said she was a virgin! And I just jumped right up and ran home.'" He then added.
Henry straightened his posture and finished his joke, "Pa says, 'Ya done the right thing, son. If she ain't good enough for her own kin, she ain't good enough for you!'" His belly shook as he cackled at his own joke. "You get it, Emma, right? That the girl's own family didn't find her attractive enough."
Emma had laughed and nodded for his sake. The poor guy was trying to entertain everyone at the table despite the obvious cloud of tension looming above them.
Henry then went on to the next joke, and then another, and by the time he started his fourth incest joke Cora jumped in and Hell, everything went to shit from there. She went on about paraphilias and Regina by that time stood and put her dish in the dishwasher and excused herself, leaving Emma to her own devices. The only sounds that could have been heard thereafter were the scraping of forks and knives against the porcelain of dishes as everyone else finished eating.
Cora said, "You know when Henry and I met back in the sixties, we were this hip couple doing our thing on the disco floor. He was funny and God, no one made me laugh like he did." Cora reached over and grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. Their eyes both beamed with love and their lips were upturned into unapologetic smiles. It was as if Emma was seeing two halves of Regina right in front of her. "It wasn't long before we fell in love and well, I felt a responsibility towards that love to always..." Cora turned and then locked her brown eyes with Emma's. "To always want to protect it. And by default, Regina is a part of that love because she's a part of us. She is us, even though she tries to deny we actually made her, but nonetheless, our little cherry blossom is wired the same and I can tell you right now she's got a mind full of doubt swimming around. She's guarded, Emma. She's upset at herself because she feels like she let you down and she's hurting because of that." She paused and then picked up her napkin to blot her lips. "I don't want to be overstepping, but I think you need to go talk to her before you let her mind run rampant with those doubts and fears. As her mother, as I said, I have a responsibility to protect her. Don't let me down, Henry and I, well we really like you and we like seeing our daughter so happy."
Emma slid her chair back and stood. She started to walk towards the staircase, but then turned and said, "You know, I don't know how I stumbled upon such a wonderful person." Emma's eyes were on the floor. "But, by some miracle of God I did and I'm just glad she's got such wonderful parents who are as accepting as the two of you are. So thank you for your kindness you've shown me, even though I don't know you, but I'm looking forward to getting to know you both."
The two older Mills sat back smiling at Emma. Henry picked up his wine glass and toasted to Emma's words. She took that as a good sign and turned and headed up the stairs, two by two, to where she thought she'd find Regina.
Walking through the house, Emma practiced back and forth in her mind what she wanted to say, how she was going to say it because she'd be damned if she lost her opportunity to do it right this time around.
She peaked open the door and noticed the room was empty, but the French doors were slightly ajar, which indicated where Regina had slipped off to. The coldness from outside was wafting through and Emma grabbed the red peacoat that Regina had loaned her off the queen bed. She went out onto the porch that she had become all too familiar within the past few hours.
She saw Regina standing looking out over the snow-covered mountains. Snow flurries were dancing around and Emma's breath was nearly caught from the beauty of the moment. It was the look, the pain ridden eyes swollen and red that made her mind pause from soaking in the scenery. Regina had turned and looked right at her, her body tense and Emma knew she was about to have words unleashed on her.
"You know, you get to be alone when you're upset," Regina yelled. "Relationships are about two people, not one." She held up one finger to emphasize with her body language her point. "You wouldn't let me explain. I just wanted to explain why I waited. I do things for a reason, I wanted you to meet them first, to see for yourself that it was okay."
Regina yelled out huffs of white air that were expelled from her lungs with vigor.
"Excuse me?" Emma said taking a step forward. "That's rich, Regina. You can't be serious. Care to tell me where that logic was the day I told you I needed to explain that I was transgender. You ran, need you be reminded. You looked at me like I was the most unnatural thing your eyes had ever laid on. So you don't get to do that. You're allowed to be mad, but you don't get to sit here and act as I ran. I just needed a few minutes, okay? This isn't easy for me. None of this is. Don't you see? I'm not just some average girl you're taking home to your mom and dad, I wish I could be." Emma admitted, ashamed that life couldn't be that simple for her. "That would be a dream come true, but that's not the case." Emma yelled back at Regina whose cold cheeks had turbulent warm tears streaming down them.
There was a silence between them, the wind whistling was the only thing that was heard, and Emma felt the blood pumping in her heart. It reminded her that, this was really happening. She was fighting with Regina and she hated that. She kicked the snow with the toe of her boot and then sighed to herself.
"I don't know," She yelled, to herself really. Emma threw her hands in the air and slapped them down at her sides. Regina was silently crying to herself still and this whole fight wasn't what Emma expected for their first Christmas Eve together.
Emma wasn't yelling now, but she was talking sternly with purpose, "Maybe it's a good thing you told them. I get that you were looking for answers and I can see why you called them, but maybe you should have fucking stayed that day and listened to me? Maybe my explanation could have been enough? But you denied me that chance because you walked out of my front door and you left without giving me any hope of ever seeing you again. So don't you dare make me feel bad for being upset and wanting to be alone, all of what, fifty feet away from you, to calm down. Because as much as we know each other, this was a wake-up call that we are still learning things about one another."
"What does that mean?" Regina's breath, laced with tendrils of fear and anger, could be seen as it shot out from her mouth like smoke.
"I mean what I said, we're still learning. I get you're upset because you feel bad. You did something wrong and I was the one hurt because of it and that you're beating yourself up over it. But hearing that your girlfriend told her parents that you were transgender when I could barely even tell you just..." Emma fist palmed. "Like do you get that? I have a fear of people seeing me differently, of not liking me because what's between my legs doesn't match my face."
"But they didn't-" Regina was cut off by Emma.
"Yeah, I know, they didn't see me differently. Youe parents are amazing. I mean Jesus, they're like Meeting the Fockers, except they're your actual parents and I'm thankful that they're so open and I guess it's just the principle of the matter." Emma defended.
Regina nodded her head, Emma could see she realized her wrong doings. It was all wrong actually. Emma should have told Regina sooner that she was transgender. The shame she felt for holding that from her will live within her till she goes to the grave. But two wrongs never make a right and Regina shouldn't have carelessly shared Emma's secret to her parents. The truth is, she should have stayed that night with Emma to allow her the opportunity to explain. But that's neither here, nor there. You can't repair the past, all you can do is hope to make better choices moving forward.
"I'm sorry," Regina said, painfully. "I didn't mean to betray your trust. I never would hurt you on purpose."
"I know that, but it doesn't make it suck any less," Emma said. "Look," She said, taking a step closer to the older woman who had stolen her heart months before. "This doesn't make it feel any less for you. Nothing will change that." Emma said as warmly as she could. Regina looked away, however, and grumbled something inaudible under her breath that it was swept away with the whistling sounds of the wind.
"What was that? Regina, I can't hear you when you're looking away from me, so stop that." Emma demanded as she waited for Regina to speak up.
Reluctantly, Regina repeated herself louder this time, "I said, you sure about that?" Regina's eyes challenged Emma's. They demanded reassurance, for Emma to fix their joint hurt and anxiety.
"Really?" Emma said rolling her eyes. She put her hands on her hips because she was quite honestly dumbfounded they were having this conversation. Her tongue jetted out from between her lips and licked away the salty tears that were caught by the curl of her upper lip.
Emma shook her head and looked around at the snow falling. This wasn't how she imagined it. She didn't think she'd be saying these words, well yelling them really, at Regina in a heated fight on Christmas Eve. Hell, she was trying to hold out to the New Year, say them while watching fireworks and kiss their night away. Something romantic and meaningful, but not like this. Even on her way to find Regina moments before she practiced what she was going to say, but inevitably they got into an argument that led to this all going in a completely different direction than she anticipated. She supposed that was one of the many joys of life, nothing is predictable.
A ragged breath burst from Emma's lungs as she laughed to herself. Tears of joy and disbelief tangled down her face like a meandering river as she confessed how she truly felt. "I didn't think I was capable of falling in love with someone. I mean, how could I when the truth is I've never loved myself." Emma's voice was cracking with emotion and raspy from yelling, but that didn't stop her from yelling, "It's poetically wrong, don't you see?" Emma's words begged Regina to listen and to look at her. "You can't love, if you don't love yourself." Emma continued to yell through the whistling sounds of the wind and snow, "But as I see it, you're making me feel something… something I've never felt and you're even making me see myself differently."
Emma's eyes finally connected with freshly pigmented, dark eyes. "Each beating second with you is horribly terrifying." Emma laughed insanely to herself as sobs echoed from her chest. Despite that she continued to reassure Regina how she felt. "Your ability to make me feel, well it's unmatchable. And I have to admit, loving you has been my saving grace."
Emma's lips closed tightly together for a second letting her words soak in. Her mind raced as she centered her energy and admitted, "You make me feel important and desired when I saw nothing worthy of being seen." Tears were unstoppable as she reached out and held onto Regina's hands and said, "But, God damn, I love you. I've been dying to say that for so long now. There's nothing truer in this world, so don't ever question it, because I love you, I swear it." Emma yelled out into the night. Her chest heaved up and down as she waited, for what felt like eons, for Regina to respond, but a response never came.
Instead, Regina surged forward the short distance and wrapped her arms around Emma. And it has Emma who cradled the older woman in her arms and caressed her soft, but numb cheeks. "I love you too." She murmured through her tears, kissing Emma to solidify her words. She reared her neck back and added, "I've loved you since the day I made love to you and it was then I knew. I just was too afraid to say it first." Regina bashfully told Emma as they stood in each other's warm embrace.
Emma nodded her head, "Yeah, well, I think it was then that I knew too, but I couldn't have you here questioning how I feel. I planned on telling you over New Years."
"Oh," Regina said timidly. "That would have been romantic."
"Yelling it at you in the snow in the middle of a fight is pretty romantic too." Emma shrugged a little.
Regina laughed. "It's not how you envisioned it, though."
"You know, I've come to the realization that with you, nothing is predictable." Emma leaned forward and kissed her cheek and nuzzled her nose into Regina's warm hair. "I feel a huge sense of relief now that I've told you. I felt like I was harboring a huge secret. It feels nice telling you, that I love you because now I get to say it whenever I want." Emma winked.
"Yeah?" Regina said, biting her bottom lip.
"Uh huh," Emma said. She then pulled Regina back a few inches so she could look her in the eyes, "Are we okay now?"
"Yes, my love, we're okay now," Regina confirmed. "I won't ever tell anyone again, it breaks my heart letting you down like that and I wasn't thinking rationally. You were right about everything. I was just mad and worried that I had messed everything up."
"Regina, baby, it's going to take a whole Hell of a lot more to really mess this up. I promise you, I'm not going anywhere." Emma promised Regina.
"Well, in that case, why don't we go inside to get out of this cold and light up the fireplace." Regina smiled.
"Is that all we'll be doing?" Emma asked, curiously.
"Not if you want to do some other things that can help warm us up?"
"Oh, I have a list in mind of things I'd like to do to you," Emma smirked.
"You better behave, or Santa won't be visiting you." Regina pointedly told Emma.
"I've been good, what are you talking about? I think I deserve an extra special gift from Santa."
"Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas."
Emma's green eyes locked with brown. Her mind repeated over and over 'This is not happening. This is not happening. No, this really can't be happening.' Unfortunately, it was and all Emma could think to say was, "When I said I thought I deserved an extra special gift from Santa, this is not what I meant." Emma said tightly to her girlfriend.
The two women were huddled nakedly under one, very thin, white sheet that was pulled taut to the tips of their noses. It was barely lit in the room, indicating it was probably just shy of six in the morning. The sun had yet to fully peek over the horizon, it was that early.
"Girls, it's time to get up."
It really wasn't though. It was all lies and Emma Swan was not falling for any of this.
"Why are your parents dressed as Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus?" Emma's inquiring mind begged to know.
"I come baring gifts!" A gravelly voice carried through the distance of the room, joyously.
Emma was trying her best to remain calm, "If you don't have the invisibility cloak that Dumbledore gave to Harry Potter then I'm not interested." Emma whined from under the sheet because there were two things that she wanted. One, the invisibility cloak, because why not and because she would really like to put it on right now to escape the embarrassing moment with Regina's parents walking in on them. Emma was sure her left boob was out before they were able to grab the sheet to cover themselves. The word humiliated couldn't scratch the surface of how she was feeling. Then the second thing she wanted was for this to have never happened in the first place. Wasn't there a lock on the door? Though, she had to admit, this was a moment for the books, the 'hopeful' someday in-laws walking in on them dressed up as Santa.
"What are you two doing? Ever heard of privacy, oh wait, that's a word that might as well be foreign to the two of you." Regina quickly insulted for good measure.
"There's the Santa ski race your mother and I entered. We thought you girls would want to get up and come with us. It's Christmas, don't waste the day away in bed!"
"Last time I checked, I didn't pack a Santa suit, so I'll pass," Emma said from under the blanket.
Regina was still caught up on their clear lack of respect for them,"We're naked, what if-"
"Darling, we've seen it all, no need to be modest around us," Cora claimed. That still didn't stop Emma and Regina jointly blushing. "Besides, it's not like we didn't hear you two last night. While we are downstairs our room is just below yours."
"Oh god, I think I'm dying. Regina, make it stop." Emma pouted from under the sheet.
"I think we should find you girls a room without a headboard. You two were going long and hard." Cora laughed, her fake belly and butt shook in response.
Emma had now fully retreated under the sheet and was waiting for Regina's parents to go away. No amount of therapy would erase this.
"And then, we could tell when you girls slowed down your pace. Your mother thinks you guys finished in the shower because we heard that turn on too."
"Enough!" Regina yelled and threw a pillow in the direction of the two older Mills. "Get out!"
Laughter filled the air once again and it was Regina's father who said, "Well someone's a bit prudish this morning. Wouldn't have guessed that after last night."
When they were gone, Emma asked, "Hey, didn't they come bearing gifts?
"Yeah, gifts of humiliation, individually wrapped for our enjoyment." Regina quick wittedly said.
"Speaking of gifts, I have yours. Do you want it now or later?"
"Now because I know you're just dying to give it to me."
"You think you're so funny, don't you?"
"I know I am."
Emma rolled her eyes at her girlfriend's confidence as she stood up from the bed and rummaged through her luggage to find the neatly wrapped box.
"It's nothing big, so-"
"I know dear, I'm sure I'll love it," Regina said as her nails slipped below red wrapping paper. Shreds of it were discarded off to the side as she sat in bed.
The edges of the white box were taped shut and Regina wiggled her nail under the thin edges working it left and right till it was free. Peeling back the tissue paper Regina's face lightened as she held up the framed picture of them at the Christmas tree farm, their first picture together.
"Oh, Emma, it's beautiful. Thank you." Regina said happily. "I have just the place for it." She kissed Emma's cheek and sat down the box and slipped from under the covers.
"I hope you like your gift. It, well, I'll just let you open it before I explain." Regina said as she opened a flap of her purse and pulled out a very, very small box.
Emma's breath hitched. It was the kind of box that housed a ring or necklace and a torrent of thoughts made Emma nervous to open it. "Regina, you said the limit was fifty bucks."
Regina smiled. "Just open it."
And Emma did just that. She opened the tiny box and inside was a small, silver key.
"Oh!" Emma said looking at the small key. "What does it unlock?"
"The door to my house." Regina purred cautiously said in return.
Emma looked up at Regina. Her eyes unwilling were to move away from the beautiful woman that stood before her in all her glory.
"I figured that..." Regina sat down and took Emma's hand that held the key, "Sooner, rather than later we'd grow exhausted of traveling back and forth. This is a promise that you'll have somewhere to stay when the time comes when you're ready."
She coughed. Her mouth had grown dry from it hanging open from shock. Emma couldn't have ever guessed that Regina would have given a key as a gift. To her, it symbolized a promise and a future together.
"Are...uhm, are you sure?" Emma asked. Her big hopeful eyes looked into Regina's. This was the best gift she had ever received. It was tiny and cost no more than five dollars, but this gift was, well, priceless because it entailed them living sharing their lives together.
"Yeah, just as sure as I am about loving you." Regina smiled.
Emma leaned forward and kissed Regina's lips. When Regina broke the kiss and looked Emma in the eyes, she said, "I love you."
Emma had wanted to say I love you on New Years. Last night wasn't how she imagined saying I love you, but she knew it was better this way. It was memorable and it was real.
"I love you too," Emma responded.
Regina looked away and brought the sheet up so she could cuddle in next to Emma. "It's a bit cold in here."
Emma laid back down and held Regina closer to her skin to help warm the other woman up.
"You know yesterday when we were arguing, and you said we were still learning things about one another?" Regina asked.
"Yeah," Emma said as her fingers played with ebony locks of hair.
"I was wondering, what it was like…" Regina's sentence faded off.
"You wondered what, what was like?" Emma asked confused.
"What it was like for you, growing up. I mean, we talked about it once, but I never asked again. I wasn't sure if I was overstepping and honestly still don't." Regina admitted.
Emma kissed the top of Regina's head and said, "No, you're allowed to ask me anything you want, but anyone else wouldn't be as lucky as you." Emma's lighthearted voice soothed Regina's tenseness.
"Last night when I was on the porch I was thinking back to when I was eleven actually," Emma said. She continued to tell Regina the story and how she nearly used scissors to cut off the one thing keeping her from being female, or so she thought.
"You could have died," Regina said as she clutched Emma closer toward her.
"I know," Emma said. "I didn't care. I just wanted it gone. I was eleven and it made sense at the time."
"It makes more sense to me now as to why you're so sensitive to people knowing. I wish you didn't have to go through that. Do you know the name of that doctor?" Regina asked.
"Nope. We only saw him that one time. My mother refused to pay the copay too. She was enraged."
"I don't blame her. I would still like his information so that I can personally see to it that he's no longer in business." Regina added.
Emma didn't say anything. She never wished ill will on people, no matter how many wrongs they had done to her.
"Do you still feel like that?" Regina asked quietly against Emma's chest.
"What do you mean?" Emma asked for clarification.
"Do you still feel like you'd want to do that to yourself?"
Emma sighed out. That wasn't the only time she had been desperate like that. She had stood in that same position more times than she'd like to admit. Unlike when she was eleven her mother and father had been out at work or shopping. She didn't have the trigger finger to actually go through with it, though. She was too afraid of dying in case paramedics didn't make it in time. After she had researched it, it was a damn good thing she never did it. She'd probably be more miserable than before because it would have solved nothing and maybe made things worse.
"I can honestly say that I would never do that to myself. I think the answer you're really searching for though is if I would like it gone still?"
Regina nodded.
There was no secret, or at least, Emma assumed, on how much she hated her body. She wanted nothing more than for her penis to be gone. It never belonged in the first place.
Emma's eyes traced the outline of the different grooves in the ceiling before willing up enough confidence to admit to Regina her answer.
She sighed and said, "Would it bother you if I said that I do?"
"No," Regina responded. The pads of her index finger were lazily tracing the curvature of Emma's chest. "I just want you to feel the way you deserve to feel."
"So if I were to have surgery, someday, you'd still want to be with me?"
Regina's fingers stopped moving. She picked her head up and looked at Emma. "Of course. I mean, I don't know anything about the surgery, but I fell in love with you and nothing will change that."
Emma's hand guided Regina's head back down to her chest and her fingers continued twirling her velvety hair between her fingers.
"I've been wanting it all my life," Emma said softly.
Regina frowned. "What's holding you back?"
"Cost, a lot. I've been saving for a long time. Shouldn't be much longer. Maybe two years before I can go through with it. I want a good surgeon. That's something you just don't want to be botched." Emma said.
"I can imagine not."
"Anyways, it's starting to get lighter in here. How do you feel about getting ready for the day and going down to the slopes so you can teach me how to ski?" Emma said, trying her best to bring up a much lighter subject. "Think your parents have made it down the slope yet? I kind of want to see a bunch of Santa Clauses skiing." Emma admitted.
"Yes. Let's get up and get the day started. I'm sure they'll be dressed like that all day and that we aren't missing anything." Regina said as she stood and walked into their bathroom leaving Emma in the bed.
The shower cut on a few minutes later and steam started bellowing out of the bathroom. Regina's head popped out and she smiled happily, "Oh and Emma?" Regina asked from around the corner. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas," Emma responded.
It was indeed, a merry little Christmas.
They'd spent their day together skiing the bunny slopes and Emma fell every two feet for the first hour. By lunch time, she was able to, at least, turn the skis in the right direction without falling over and losing her poles. When dinner time came around, Regina's parents found them in the cafe enjoying coffee and cocoa. Henry had asked for everyone to be back at the house by eight so they could exchange gifts.
Emma's parents gifted Cora and Henry two glass blown ornaments, ones that had an array of colors. Regina, on the other hand, got a much different ornament. Hers was a big red ball etched in gold, 'Our First Christmas, Regina and Emma 2015.' Regina kissed Emma and said it was perfect for their tree next year. It was hard for Emma to believe that they were going to have the next year. She was grateful nonetheless.
It was pretty unforgettable when Emma and Regina opened their gifts from Henry and Cora. Leave it to Emma to have opened the present the wrong way. It was upside down and turned over to the wrong side. While she spent a few seconds turning it the right way she heard a sharp gasp from beside her.
"Oh God." Regina said. "What did you get?"
Emma looked down at the box in her hand and couldn't believe what she was looking at. Her mouth went dry and she stuttered out, "Noo, uhm, no, you, er, you first."
Regina said behind gritted teeth, "Handcuffs."
"Nipple clamps."
It was laughable really. What parents purchased their kid sex toys?
"Do you girls like them? We thought you guys might enjoy some adult toys!" Cora said trying to keep a straight face.
Emma just gulped and nodded in appreciation, after all, it was the thought that counted. Even if they never got around to using handcuffs or nipple clamps.