Victor stares at the message, blinking as his stomach throbs, as if someone had just punched him in the middle of the road and left him to deal with it on the pavement on his own. He inhales, holding his breath for a moment before exhaling. No need to start spiraling right away.
The fact that Benji reached out is a good sign; he could have blocked him after last night. The sting of humiliation rises in Victor's throat again, though, making him feel even worse. He should have listened to his gut last night instead of trying to play the cool guy he clearly isn't. Staring down at his hands, Victor thinks about the way Benji looked at him as he left, mentally scolding himself. He'd still come a long way from getting angry at himself to the point of almost crying even thinking about forgetting to thank the bus driver or the waiter or the cashier at the store. But he doesn't like being the reason why someone feels bad. Not even good sex will make someone stay if he's an asshole.
Sighing, Victor promises himself he won't pull something like that again. He goes to the message, staring at it for a moment longer and turning it in his mind as he thinks about how to respond. Writing was never his forte.
"What do you mean? ?" He writes.
A moment later, Benji writes back: "I think you know what I'm talking about. You were so friendly the first time but now you're being weird af. Can you pick a personality and stick with it instead of having a different one every time I see you?"
Ouch. But Victor can't even find it in him to be hurt by this because Benji isn't telling him anything new.
"I'm sorry about that. Can we video chat so I can explain? ?" Victor writes.
He stares at his phone and waits for what seems like an eternity. Then he sees one letter pop up on the screen in the chat.
"k"
Not even a capital, no punctuation, just a single letter that shows him he has one chance to fix this. He sits up and plugs his headphones in before calling Benji. The phone rings. And rings. And Victor counts. Nine rings.
There is silence for a moment, and then he sees Benji's eyes piercing him through the screen like little hazel daggers. He doesn't even look angry, more… tired.
"Hey," Victor says softly.
"Hey."
Swallowing, Victor glances down at his hands for a moment to collect himself before he begins.
"So, about yesterday…"
"I'm listening."
"Look, I'm sorry again. I think I psyched myself out and thought you didn't like me being too friendly so I tried to tone it down with… disastrous consequences, clearly," Victor says, staring at the wall in the background of Benji's screen. "I thought that was what was keeping me from hearing back from guys because I keep getting blocked and I needed the reason to be something I can actually sorta control."
Benji looks down and chews on his lip for a moment, clearly mulling, before he speaks. "I'll admit it was weird for me at first, with you being so friendly. I was… uncomfortable. Because it's just so unusual, you know? But it's actually really charming."
"Oh. Thanks, I guess. I wasn't trying to be weird, I was just… trying to be myself, because I like being kind to people."
"See, that's the thing. I just want you to be normal. And to not have to play roulette to guess which personality you'll have on each time we meet. Like especially since you're the first guy who I haven't blocked due to treating me like garbage."
"Really?" Victor asks, blinking,flattered for a moment. "People actually go around treating you like crap?" he adds, the bubbling of anger pulsating in his veins. He doesn't like that at all.
"Yeah, but you got close this time... I just don't wanna play mind games. If I wanted that I would just get in a relationship," Benji says, rolling his eyes. "Can we please just… be ourselves? I've got enough to worry about. When I'm coming over to get fucked I just wanna be able to shut my brain off, you know?"
"Of course," Victor says, sighing. "No drama. But thank you for accepting my apology and not cutting me off. And I'm sorry people are assholes; I don't wanna be like that."
"You're on thin ice," Benji says, but he smiles with those words. "I'm glad you're self aware."
"In that case… Do you wanna Netflix and chill on Friday? Also, I'll be cooking so you can eat here if you want," Victor suggests. "I promise you. No mind games, no tricks. Just me being my normal self. And we can watch whatever you want."
"I'd like that. Oh, also uh… will whatever you're making be vegan?"
"Uh, I can make it vegan, sure," Victor says, scratching his head. "I've been trying to cut down on animal products myself because I honestly feel bad for eating them…"
"Yeah, I get that," Benji says, his eyes seeming far more lustrous than before. "Thank you, though."
"No problem, it's the least I can do. And by the way, the cookies you made yesterday were amazing."
Benji looks away, cheeks gaining a small bit of pinkness as he waves his hand. "I'm glad you liked them… anyway, I should probably go. But thanks for calling me. I'm also really glad we talked this out honestly because it would have been such a waste. Like, you're so good in bed that you make all the other guys I've slept with seem like amateurs."
"O-oh… Thanks. And I appreciate you being honest with me, you know. Things really got off to a... weird start… But I guess part of it was that we didn't know what to expect."
"I think you just do things a bit differently. But that's not a bad thing. I wish more people were… polite and chivalrous," Benji teases. "What time should I be at your place?"
"Let's make it 8."
"Cool, sounds great. See ya then."
"See ya."
Victor ends the call and sighs in relief, the weight sloughing off his back and onto the ground. That could have gone much, much worse. Even though he's forgiven he still knows he needs to be better about letting his actions speak for him.
He wants to stay in bed longer, but he has studying and homework and basketball practice and hook ups hanging over his head in a continuous rotation like a chaotic carousel threatening to careen from its anchored position and collide with any bystanders in the area. And so he rises to face the day, the air feeling a little bit lighter.
The week passes by quickly. He has several hook ups scheduled, because he doesn't have to put in a lot of effort to get people interested in having sex with him—the struggle is getting them to have sex with him more than once. It takes a little bit of time, but soon he has three guys who actually want to see him more than once—Kayden, a cute, dark-haired guy with light brown skin who he met on the basketball team; Chase, a pale, blond guy from his bio class who he ended up sleeping with after they were paired together on a project; and of course, Benji, who he's meant to see tonight. He doesn't like to pick favorites; but he knows he has one.
It's almost 7:30. Victor is happy he's spending more time in the library lately because his room actually looks decent today. He picks up a few pieces of laundry and puts them in his hamper, then makes his bed before he goes to shower quickly. Once he's done, he goes into the kitchen to start preparing dinner. He's alone at the moment, which is one of the few times when the dorm is quiet. Victor connects his phone to his speakers so he can break the silence, and he hums along as Beyoncé's "7/11" starts to play, the intensity slowly building before the trap beat drops.
Swaying his hips along to the music, Victor measures some rice and puts it in a pot, washing it before setting it to boil on the stove. He pulls out several blocks of tofu, presses them, and then cubes them. After that, he brings out some vegetables—broccoli, peppers, string beans, mushrooms—and washes them before he gets to chopping them roughly and setting them aside. There's something relaxing about chopping, he notices, but his relaxation is short-lived as the door behind him opens and Fee, Andrew and Lake enter.
"Hey, Vic!" Fee says with a smile, "whatcha makin'?"
Andrew smiles and waves at Victor, and he and Fee introduce Victor and Lake. Wiping his hand on his apron, Victor offers her a hand to shake.
"It's just a bit of vegan stir fry with rice," Victor says with a shrug as he oils a pan and drops the tofu in to fry. "Wanted to try something a little different, especially since Benji is coming over soon. He should be here in a few minutes. Help yourselves to drinks, though. I would get it myself but my hands are kinda… occupied."
"Wait, like Benji Campbell?" Andrew asks, standing up to open the fridge. He takes out a pitcher of iced tea and sets it on the table, along with a stack of glasses from the cupboard before returning to his seat.
"I was gonna ask the same thing," Lake says, sitting down at the table and pouring a few glasses, sliding two across the table for Andrew and Fee, then two more for herself and Victor.
"Uh… I don't actually know his last name," Victor says. "We met on Grindr and he literally just gave me his phone number the other day. Are there, like, other Benjis on campus I should know about?"
"No, it's just sorta funny because he's Andrew's and Fee's and my friend. It's such a small world… maybe I can make an article out of this… 'Hookup apps: The future of friendship'. What do you think?" Lake says.
"Definitely… intriguing," Fee says as they trek down the hall, playing with their headband. "BRB, need to uh, check on my kids."
"Vic you gotta stop spending so much time at the library because maybe you would actually know people who aren't on the basketball team or in your classes," Andrew teases.
"You know I would if it weren't for my scholarships," Victor replies, stirring the contents of the pan. He shuts off the rice. "You guys know I can't do math so I have to spend more time on it even though I'm most likely never gonna use it again..."
"It's okay, sweetie, most people are bad at math," Lake says. "Except me, obviously."
"No need to brag, Lake, we know you're good at everything," Andrew says with a roll of his eyes.
"Not everything… Just most things," Lake says with a sly grin.
Just then, a knock at the door startles Victor and he almost drops his spoon on the floor as he sets it aside before he runs to open the door.
"Hey, Benji, how are you?" Victor says with a smile, stepping aside to let him in. "Lemme take that for you."
"Hey, Vic. I'm all right… It smells really good in here," Benji says, shrugging off his thick leather jacket to expose his loose burgundy crop top sweater. He takes off his shoes as he hands his jacket to Victor and mirrors his expression.
"Thanks, come on in. You look really nice, by the way. And, uh… we have a bit more company than I was expecting but I think you all know each other, so it should be fine," Victor says, motioning for Benji to sit at the table with his friends.
"Thank you… Do you need any help with anything?" Benji asks, playing with his hair.
"Not yet, but I'll let you know," Victor says, his voice warm. He leads them back into the kitchen.
"Oh my god, Benji, you look amazing," Lake interrupts them with a loud gasp as she shoots up from her seat and runs over to hug him.
Benji chuckles, hugging her back. "Thanks, it's good to see you, too. Oh, hey, Andrew," he adds, glancing over Lake's shoulder with a small wave.
"That's all I get?" Andrew says, feigning hurt.
"I see you… more frequently," Benji says curtly, taking a seat beside Lake so she can sit between him and Andrew. "I haven't seen Lake in like… a month."
Lake pours a glass of iced tea and slides it over to Benji, who takes it gratefully and downs it.
"Uh, Doctor-Future-Vet, I think I need your help," Fee says, carrying a small tank into the kitchen. Inside, a gecko lies with its feet in the air in a bed of dirt and pieces of wood. "Lizards aren't supposed to do this, right?"
"Have you tried poking it with a stick?" Lake asks.
"I… did not," Fee says.
"Maybe he's just taking a nap," Andrew says, rubbing circles on Fee's back.
"Let me see…" Victor says, peering over the top of the grates and then leaning down to look through the glass. "I think Andrew might actually be right. But also Lake is right that you should try poking him. Just… gently."
Fee returns to their room and a moment later calls down the hall: "Abe Lincoln, Jr. is alive! Oh, but now he looks pissed at me for interrupting his 'me' time."
Victor chuckles, glancing at Benji, who eyes him back with a grin as he rests his head on his arm and leans against Lake as they chat. He wonders if he's simply used to Fee's antics as he returns to his cooking, flipping the tofu around so it gets golden on all sides, before tossing in the chopped up vegetables and a sauce he'd made to go with it. Soon the meal comes together and he shuts off the stove.
"Can someone set the table, please?" Victor asks, and Benji leaps from his seat quickly.
"I got it. Just tell me where everything is," Benji says, and Victor can't stop his lip from curling up.
"Plates are over there," Victor says, pointing to the top right cupboard, "utensils are there," he points to the drawer beneath it. "Napkins are… somewhere."
Benji chuckles as he pulls out the supplies and sets the table. Victor wonders why he's so compelled to help when the reality is they aren't technically even friends. But he seems far more at ease, more relaxed, than he had in the previous times Victor had seen him, and something about that is… endearing. He isn't meant to have favorites, though.
Victor pours the contents of the pan into a dish and puts the rice into another one before he brings it to the table and sets the food down. Sighing, he removes his apron and washes his hands before calling Fee and sitting down beside Benji as everyone at the table scrambles for food. A minute later, once everyone had tasted it, a chorus of 'this is so good'-s erupts around them.
"All right, I'll be the first one to admit it. When Campbell told me you two were sleeping together, and that you're apparently really good in bed, I didn't actually believe it. I thought 'this nerd? He gets bitches?' Because I figured, I only know one Victor on campus, and he couldn't be your guy because there's no way he's as good as you're describing. But, lo and behold..." Andrew says through a mouthful of food.
Victor chokes, unsure of whether to laugh or cry, so he does both. He reaches for a napkin to wipe his face. "Andrew, what the fuck… I'm not that much of a nerd. "
Benji sets his fork down and rubs the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he tries to hide the redness on his face. "You really don't have to advertise this to the whole campus."
"We're all friends here," Andrew says with a shrug.
"You're lucky Victor's too nice to poison your food," Lake says.
"I'm sorry about that, Victor. Like, I'd really only talked to Mia about… us and I don't know why she felt the need to bring it up to Andrew. It was meant to be private," Benji says.
"It's okay, I wasn't expecting all of us to know each other and to be in each other's business, but it happens," Victor says with a chuckle, face red, too. "And I'll admit it's definitely good for my ego. Although, I mean, it's not like anyone knows all the gruesome details."
Reddening even more, Benji shoves a forkful of food into his mouth. Lake does the same and finishes up the food on her plate before pushing it away from her. She chews and swallows quickly before pulling out her phone and her eyes widen.
"Oh shit, I almost forgot I have an interview with the president of the LARP club for my article called 'LARPing: America's Nerdiest Extreme Sport'," Lake says, holding her hands up in front of her and making an arch with them as she emotes the title of her article. "I just know it's gonna be a hit. Thanks for the dinner, though, Victor, it was divine. And it was lovely meeting you. I gotta run."
As Lake gets up to leave, she gives everyone a hug before waving at them and blowing a kiss and then disappearing into the hallway. Fee, Andrew, Benji and Victor chat over their dinner before Fee and Andrew leave to go to one of the parties at which Fee is DJing that night.
Finally, Benji and Victor are alone. Benji helps Victor clear the table and deposit all the dishes into the sink, before he leans back against the table, stretching a bit to show off his abs as they peek out from beneath his crop top. Victor tips his head to the side.
"Are you trying to seduce me?" he asks with a wiggle of his eyebrows as he leans back against the kitchen sink directly across from Benji.
"I don't know… is it working?"
Victor's gaze trails down Benji's body before returning to his face. "Yeah," he says.
Benji swallows, biting his lip, before he says: "I guess we should get to it, then."
"Sure. Lemme make some popcorn first. If you still have room for it, that is."
"Of course I have room for popcorn. It's mostly air, anyway," Benji says, rolling his eyes.
With a giggle, Victor rummages around in the cupboard and pulls out a little bag, which he unfolds and places in the microwave. He sets the timer before turning back to Benji.
"Thanks for feeding me dinner," Benji says. "It's been a while since I had a nice home cooked meal and the chance to sit and hang out with my friends. It was really nice."
"No problem. I really love having people over and getting to forget that I have so much shit going on in my life."
"It seems like you have a lot of people in your life who you like to take care of and who appreciate you for that, though. You're really… kind. And I used to think that was lame. But it's actually pretty cool."
Victor shrugs with a small smile. "Thanks. It's just how I was raised. But... you're pretty perceptive."
"Honestly, I feel bad that I was so curt with you during our first meeting. I was uncomfortable with how genuinely kind you were because I wasn't used to it. So thanks for still wanting to see me after that."
"I get it. But just because we're having sex doesn't mean I shouldn't treat you like a person," Victor replies, locking his gaze with Benji's. "It's what you deserve."
"Hmm… I guess you're right," Benji says, pensive.
"And for the record, I think you're really kind, too. I wasn't expecting you to bring me cookies last time," Victor says, glancing at the microwave before looking back at Benji. "Although I think Fee ended up eating most of them because I left them unattended."
He chuckles. Benji opens his mouth to respond when the microwave dings.
"Looks like the popcorn's ready," Victor mumbles as he opens up the door to the microwave and takes out the bag, opening it carefully before dumping it in the bowl he removes from the cupboard.
They go into Victor's room, where his laptop is sitting on the bed. Victor strips his shirt off before he opens his laptop and turns it, then slides under the covers; he pats the spot beside him and Benji follows suit, settling himself against Victor, who wraps his arm around his shoulder and pulls him close.
Benji had told Victor that he hadn't really Netflix and chilled before, so it's a bit strange for him, but Victor does what he can to put Benji at ease. Benji chooses the movie—Midsommar— because he had heard positive reviews and wanted to see what the hype was about. Victor agrees even though he isn't the biggest fan of horror films, but he doesn't elaborate why; Benji doesn't need to know that he's a bit of a baby when it comes to scary movies.
Victor senses Benji observing his face for a moment as he chews on a piece of popcorn while they watch, hand tensing on his shoulder. He glances at Benji from the corner of his eye as he slips his other hand under the covers and rests it on the inner part of Benji's thigh.
Beside him, Benji shifts and tenses, and Victor can feel his heart instantly beginning to race as he moves slowly upward, digits dragging gently along his skin but also sending sparks of pleasure directly to his groin as he watches Benji's response to how he teases him.
Biting his lip, Benji pulls down his pants under the covers, along with his underwear, and drops them on the floor, body shivering next to him as Victor's grip returns to his leg. He tries to continue focusing on the movie, but the way Benji presses into him eagerly makes Victor want to touch him more. Glancing at him to the side, Victor can see Benji raising an eyebrow as a particularly peaceful scene out in the countryside plays out on-screen. Victor wonders when things are going to actually get interesting, but he keeps watching, enthralled by the scenery.
When Victor strokes his leg, Benji squirms under his touch. Victor breathe-laughs but it's not because of something happening in the movie. But he can feel Benji's eyes on him. And when Victor bypasses the spot he knows Benji wants touched the most right now in favor of tracing along Benji's abs, Victor's lip curls up on one side as he glances over to see the tears welling over his lower eyelids. His dick twitches in his pants.
"I'll stop teasing you now, I can see how much it's upsetting you," Victor says, taking hold of Benji's dick and giving it a squeeze before dragging his warm hand along the shaft a few times as Benji lets his head fall back against Victor's arm.
"Can I touch you, too?" Benji breathes.
Victor removes his hand from Benji for a moment, making him whine, before he reaches down into his own pants and pulls himself out, the throbbing of his erection almost becoming unbearable. He takes Benji's hand and guides it to his lap, before returning to stroking Benji, delighting in the sounds of his little moans
At this point, despite the fruitlessness, Victor still finds himself trying to pay attention to the movie despite trying to multitask and it's… not going well, to put it simply. The sensation of Benji's skillful hold on him is enough to have his brain hazy but the weight of Benji's cock in his own palm is on a whole different level of inducing brain short-circuiting.
Chuckling to himself again, Victor trails along Benji's dick, going lower so he can hold his balls, gently tugging at them and making Benji press his lips together as he tries to contain himself. Victor leans down to kiss him on the neck as he moves his hand even lower, prodding at Benji's hole. Benji smirks at Victor.
"Can I—"
"Yes, please," Benji says quickly, shifting so he can lie on his back and spread his legs to give Victor easier access.
Biting back a smile, Victor reaches beside him to the nightstand, where he'd gotten the lube and condoms ready, and uncaps the lube, squirting a generous amount into his fingers. He slips his hand back under the covers and slides his first digit into Benji with ease as he relaxes into his touch.
"I can't believe you're still trying to watch," Victor says with a giggle as he slides another finger into Benji.
Gasping, Benji rolls his eyes. "Mm... it's starting to get good."
Victor presses two fingers deeper into Benji, wiggling them a bit and smiling down at him when Benji shudders. "The exposition was a bit slow, wasn't it."
"Mhm…" is all Benji can say.
"And I'm guessing this feels good?" Victor asks, kissing Benji's neck again as he slides another finger in.
"What do… ah… you think?" Benji says, pausing mid-stroke around Victor's dick, overwhelmed by the sensation.
"Did I tell you to stop jerking me off?" Victor teases.
"N-no…" Benji says, and he goes to continue before Victor removes his hand for him.
"I don't wanna cum yet," Victor says, adding a fourth finger and stretching Benji even further. "But god, you're so fucking hot right now, Benji."
"Thank—ah—thank you…" Benji replies, staring at Victor's lips and wishing in that moment he could break that one particular wall he'd put up around him. But he doesn't.
Victor hums as he removes his fingers from Benji's hole, leaving him feeling a sort of emptiness. He unwraps a condom, rolls it down his rock-hard erection and slathers it in lube.
"Come sit on my lap. I'm not doing all the work today," Victor says with a grin.
"Okay, but can we put the subtitles on?" Benji asks. "I can't hear what they're saying when you keep asking me questions."
"Are you serious? We can pause the movie, you know."
"I'll probably fall asleep before we finish it but I wanna know more about this creepy Swedish cult."
"Fine," Victor says with a chuckle as he wipes his hand on his leg before doing as Benji asks. "Happy?"
"Very," Benji says, swatting at Victor. "Now lie down so I can sit on your dick properly."
"All right, hop on," Victor says with a chuckle.
"With pleasure."
Benji strokes Victor's cock a few times before he sets himself over it and sinks down on it. Victor can only watch his back, running his hand down Benji's spine as he grips him around the waist firmly to steady him. When Benji moans softly, adjusting to the sensation of Victor inside him, Victor has to resist the urge to pull out and slam right back into him.
"Fuck," Benji says, shifting a bit on Victor's lap.
"You're so... tight, Benji," Victor murmurs, caressing his sides with the backs of his fingers.
"Mm… I know."
Chuckling, Benji grinds his hips down onto Victor's cock, glancing behind him as Victor bites the inside of his cheek. When Benji does it again, Victor shuts his eyes tightly, nails digging into the flesh of Benji's hips. Benji lifts himself up on his knees and slams back down, touching himself as he does this.
"Can you—mm—see all right?" Benji asks, a hint of a smile in his voice as he bounces up and down on Victor's lap
Victor opens one eye with a groan; all he can see is the way his dick penetrates Benji's hole over and over again. He can't take it anymore.
"Hold on..." Victor says, pushing himself up onto his elbow and finally rising to sit up. "Get off for a second."
"Kinda fucked up how they're throwing all these old people off a cliff, huh," Benji says, as Victor takes the pillows from behind him and stacks them up in front of him.
"What kinda movie is this again?"
"See, if you were paying attention you would have learned that the people in the cult get killed when—"
"The fuck?" Victor asks, and if this were any other time he would have gone soft. "Actually, forget I asked. Do you still want me to fuck you?"
"Yeah, obviously," Benji says, as if Victor had asked the stupidest imaginable question, which he probably had.
"Can you get on your hands and knees, then?" Victor asks, and Benji complies, leaning on the stack of pillows as Victor positions himself behind him.
Benji continues to watch as Victor slides into him from behind, and Victor tries to focus on the task at hand. He glances to the screen for a moment, seeing the characters' faces contorted as they scream over something he's not quite sure about as Benji mutters "oh shit oh fuck" over and over again, moaning wantonly, and Victor realizes it isn't because of the movie.
He strokes Benji's cock in time with his thrusts and Benji cums all over his hand, shuddering around him and pushing Victor over the edge, too. When he slides out and disposes of the condom, he returns to clean them up and sees Benji still in the same position, eyelids heavy as he tries to keep himself awake long enough to see the end of the movie. Victor had already stopped paying attention.
Finally pausing the movie, they rearrange themselves again, turning off the lights and slipping back under the covers with Benji resting his head on Victor's chest.
They fall asleep woven together like a braid, and when Victor asks Benji if he'll stay for breakfast the next morning, this time, he says yes.