Benji's first semester of his junior year has passed by in a blur. It's the week before finals and in the typical college fashion, everyone's on their grind to finish their last assignments and prepare for final exams, packed into every spot they can find at the library and any other spot on campus where they can be surrounded by the academic ambience that will help them succeed in their studies. Stress is at an all time high, students' nerves pulled taut like threads until they snap and the only panacea ends up residing at the bottom of a bottle of booze or pills or a screaming match or some other terrible mistake.
On a cool but sunny Saturday afternoon, Benji types away at yet another art history paper—this one in particular about the CIA's use of abstract expressionism during the Cold War which Benji ends up finding absolutely fascinating. Beside him, sits Victor, who is in the midst of going over some orgo notes he'd highlighted in orange, as Lake and Fee sit across from them, engrossed in their own work. Lake doesn't let the fact that Benji and Mia are no longer speaking to each other deter her from her friendship with Benji.
It had been thanks to Victor, of course, that the group had managed to get a table in the first place because everywhere around them was crammed full of people, to the point where brawls would break out if seats were left unoccupied for too long. And it's no longer even that quiet anymore; the top floor is better than the lower ones, where the noise could be likened to the inside of the dining hall filled with bees, but it could still break one's concentration periodically.
Now is one particular time when Benji's focus diverts from his work, but it's not because of the commotion of bodies at the nearby tables. No, this time, it's because Victor had pulled his chair closer to Benji's so their legs touch as they study.
Lip curling up, Benji glances to the side to see Victor's hand creeping to his leg, fingers kneading at his thigh as if he's trying to knead dough for a loaf of bread. When Benji's eyes flit to Victor's, he sees they've stopped moving; he's simply staring at the page of notes as his hand traverses Benji's body, pace glacial. He looks to Fee and Lake, who both seem not to be paying them any mind, too busy with their own work to notice the way Benji bites his lip as Victor palms the front of his pants.
God he doesn't want Victor to stop.
Biting back a moan, Benji wonders if the fact that Victor plays piano has anything to do with how well he also plays Benji's body. Casting a look over both shoulders and seeing that the coast is clear, Benji undoes his pants and lets Victor slip his hand inside; no one else is any wiser.
Benji keeps typing, pretending he's still working but all that flows from the taps are gibberish strings of letters he knows he'll have to go back and delete but right now, he doesn't care, because Victor's fingers wrap around his dick and he needs to stop his eyelids from fluttering closed and giving him away.
Victor moves deftly, and when someone passes by behind them—oblivious to his ministrations from beneath the table—he jumps, eyes widening. Benji chuckles before clearing his throat, fidgeting in his seat as he spreads his legs wider. He wants to touch Victor, too, but he knows that his face will give it away; right now, the only thing keeping them from getting caught is Fee's and Lake's and their classmates' tunnel vision, and nothing else.
A ghost of a grin paints Victor's face as he watches Benji from the side; Benji finally stops typing. He bites his lip, breathing loudly through his nose as Victor strokes him faster, somehow still managing to keep the machinations of his arm discreet.
Lake looks up; Victor slows down; Benji's attention snaps across the table.
"How's your essay going, Benji? All done?" Lake asks, setting her pen down on the table and rocking from side to side in her chair.
"Fine," Benji grits out. "Just… mm… taking a break."
Scrunching his face to the side and burying his face in his free hand, Victor snorts as he rubs his fingers against Benji's shaft a bit faster. Benji feels his face heat up as he presses his lips down into a line, eyebrows knitting together in pleasure under Victor's guidance.
Squinting, Lake darts her eyes between them, honing in on Benji's reddening cheeks. Like an eagle prepared to dive and snatch up its prey in its talons, Lake watches them for a moment before her mouth drops open.
She lowers her voice when she says: "Victor… you're not seriously giving Benji a handjob under the table."
Benji's face reddens about ten shades more, now resembling the skin of a cherry; he isn't one to be ashamed about what he likes, but there's something about being called out for it that makes Benji's skin crawl as if a colony of Fee's ants had decided to take a detour on him instead of on the ground where they belong.
"No, he's not! M-mind your own business," Benji almost stammers; the students at the table beside them quiet their chatter immediately, startled.
"Victor, show me your hands," Lake says, before she shakes her head and mutters something to herself. "You know what, on second thought, never mind. I don't wanna see. At least go to the bathroom if you're gonna be nasty."
Somehow, through all this, Fee is still focused on their work, pupils and sclerae glazed over in deep hypnosis as they stare at their laptop, unblinking. And despite being caught by Lake, Victor's hand is still in Benji's pants, and Benji can't even find it in him to be mad about it.
He glances to the side to see that Victor, too, has his cheeks flushed and hiding behind his palm, before he finally releases his hold on Benji and sits up straight. With his other hand, he reaches into his bag and shuffles around for a moment before pocketing whatever he'd found within.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Benji glares at Victor and then at his lap, where the familiar image of Victor's now erect cock looks like it has a mind of its own as it tries to force itself through his sweatpants. And when Victor looks at Benji, gently cocking his head in the opposite direction, it makes Benji want to clear the table and shove Victor down on it so he can ride him and show him just how fucking frustrating he can be.
But Benji knows he can't, and so instead, he nods, and VIctor rises from the table; Benji watches him go—he'll join him in a few minutes, because he doesn't need to look suspicious. Lake groans.
"Victor, I saw you slip a condom from your bag, you ain't slick. I know what you're doing," Lake says, eyelids hooded. "You guys can just go together, literally no one gives a fuck."
"Fine," Benji says, as he follows Victor into the bathroom.
There's a guy standing in front of the mirror when they enter, but neither Victor nor Benji pay him any mind as they both slip into one of the stalls. As soon as Benji locks the door, he pushes Victor up against the wall, rubbing his clothed cock on Victor's..
"God, Victor, you're so fucking annoying sometimes, you know that?" Benji says, sticking his hand down Victor's pants and shuddering as he holds his thick, throbbing cock, feeling the weight in his grip as Victor lets out a soft moan.
Grinning, Victor lets his arms rest at his sides as Benji strokes him furiously. He doesn't care if they have an audience. And he doesn't even stop Benji when he turns around and presses his ass up against Victor's groin, breath getting heavier with each passing second. After his need to punish Victor for getting him so hot and bothered dies down, he soon realizes that what he really wants is for Victor to slide into his hole and fill him up and make him forget all the information he'd just spent the last few hours gathering.
Benji pauses when Victor reaches in front of Benji and undoes his pants, sliding them down around his knees along with his underwear, and Benji simply allows it. And when Victor flips them around so Benji is the one pressing into the wall, he can't even find it in him to complain.
"You're so cute when you get frustrated," Victor says with a chuckle as he shifts behind him, uncapping the bottle of lube he'd brought with him and squirting it on his fingers as Benji watches him over his shoulder.
"Well, you're cuter when you stop talking and actually fuck me," Benji says, wiggling his ass in an attempt to goad Victor further. "I deserve it since you've been making me wait so long."
"Mhm… You're right," Victor says, slipping the first finger into Benji's tight heat, and after the nth time, he finds Benji's prostate easily. "How does that feel?"
Victor doesn't even need to wait for a response as he sees Benji clap a hand over his mouth. Benji pushes back against Victor, taking him further inside; he doesn't close his eyes, instead meeting Victor's pupils in the middle as Victor inserts another finger, scissoring him and stretching him and moving at a pace Benji likes. He knows Victor is taking enough care not to hurt him, but not prolonging this period of preparation longer than it needs to be because he'd grown more in-tune with Benji's tells and when Benji is close to his breaking point; Victor knows how much Benji can take and knows when he just wants to be fucked raw, and now is one of those times.
"Please… j-just put it in me…" Benji begs, his face contorting in pleasure as Victor presses his face into the back of his neck and plants a kiss there.
"Gimme a second… you've been so patient already…"
A few more seconds pass, and Victor finally removes his fingers, rolling the condom down the length of his own cock before wrapping one arm around Benji's middle and using his other to guide himself into Benji, smacking him gently on the ass before burying his cock in him all the way to the hilt as Benji thrusts himself back onto him.
"Fuck…" Benji moans, letting his head drop back against Victor's shoulder, shivering at the sensation of Victor's pulsating cock filling him up, as Victor brings his hand up to grip at his neck gently. "Just… give it to me good. I don't c-care if they hear… just fuck me. Hard and… mm… fast."
Benji's eyelids flutter closed as Victor kisses his neck and murmurs in his ear, the vibrations against his skin coupled with the feeling of Victor's dick inside him almost pushing him over the edge already. It's as if Victor's flesh is made of magma and Benji's own is made of water and the sizzling and the steam of their contact wants nothing more to elicit an explosion.
Doing as Benji asks, Victor pulls out of him and all but rams his cock back inside Benji, the movement alone enough to shake the wall as if it were directly atop a tectonic plate. Benji does his best to contain himself but once Victor lifts one of his legs off the ground, bending it at the knee and holding it up so he can thrust in even deeper, Benji knows that if he bites down any harder on his arm to suppress his moans he'll more than likely draw blood.
Sweaty hands sliding around the surface of the wall for purchase, Benji grits his teeth as he takes Victor over and over again, the sensation of his chest sliding against his back and containing him as he thrusts into Benji bringing him ever closer to orgasm, until he finally cums, body shuddering and squeezing Victor's cock as Victor shoves his fingers down his throat to quiet him as he cums with a groan against Benji's hair.
When Victor slips out of him, Benji leans against the wall, fingers jostling as he watches Victor dispose of his condom. His mouth is dry and his legs feel like they're made of the same material as jellyfish and he feels like he won't be able to talk or walk for days. After Victor cleans them up and Benji dresses himself with some difficulty, they both hobble out of the stall, ignoring the stares at this point.
They wash their hands, fix their hair, and straighten their clothes as best as they can before returning to their table, where Lake looks up at them expectantly. Benji winces as he sits down.
"Sooo… how did it go, boys? Did you two have fun? Finally got it out of your system?" Lake says.
Fee looks up. "Oh, hey, guys. Where did you two go?"
"Yes, Lake it was… fun," Victor says, then clears his throat before turning to Fee. "Bathroom."
"We weren't even gone that long," Benji says, taking a sip of water. Victor takes two cans of Red Bull out of his bag and slides one across the table without looking. Benji grabs it, setting his water aside and popping open the can before downing it. "It was only, what, five minutes?"
"Try twenty, dipshits," Lake says with a roll of her eyes.
"Ohh… you were doing the horizontal tango. Or I guess this would be the vertical tango. Which would be regular tango… Okay that metaphor doesn't make as much sense as I thought," Fee says.
Victor smacks his hand over his eye and chuckles before pulling out some snacks from his bag.
"I don't know why this needs to be news every time it happens," Benji says, taking an orange from the pile of snacks and starting to peel it.
"It's just funny that you two try to keep it a secret and then act all weird when you get caught," Lake says with a giggle.
"Then maybe next time just don't say anything?" Victor suggests, narrowing his eyes at Lake. "Anyway... "
"Anyway, what are ya'll doing tonight?" Benji asks the table.
"Obviously I'll be at the Kappa Sig party, it's silly you even had to ask," Lake says, closing her book and setting it aside. "Mia's busy with some fundraising event thing for student council as per youzhe."
"Andrew wanted to take me to that and I'm still contemplating if I wanna go. Like, on one hand, it would be a great way to study my fellow man. But on the other hand… They don't allow… pets. Last time I got kicked out of a party because my ants were, and I quote," Fee makes quotes in the air, "'biting people'," they say, shaking their head before taking a sip of water and sighing. "So, long story short, I'm undecided."
"Okay… well, I have a lot of studying to do and so I will have to pass," Victor says, parsing through his notebook and running his hand through his hair as he sees the amount of notes he still needs to get through.
"Oh, come on Victor, you should take a few hours to just relax. It'll make you less stressed and you'll do better on your exams," Benji says as he nudges Victor with his elbow.
"Yeah, you can go back to being a nerd for the other 364 days in the year after the party," Lake says.
"The school year doesn't have 365 days…" Victor says, raising an eyebrow.
"You know what I mean, Victor, don't be smart with me," Lake replies, pointing at him menacingly. "It'll be fun. You can come in for like, an hour or two, and then go back to your dorm and study. No one's gonna make you stay the whole time."
"Well, if Vic goes, I'll go, obviously," Fee says.
"I've been trying to get my other friend Ruth to come along and her boyfriend is one of those weird overprotective types who'll only allow her to go to a party if she knows a few people so if all of us go plus Andrew then she'll most likely come, too," Benji says, giving Victor the widest puppy-dog eyes he could muster. "Please, Victor?"
"Wait, he seriously tries to tell her what to do? That's so messed up," Fee says.
"Ruth needs to dump her boyfriend, he sucks," Lake says, "but also yeah, Victor, listen to Benji. How can you not say yes to such a hot piece of ass?"
"Hey! I'm so much more than a hot piece of ass!" Benji says with a giggle.
"I don't know… I have a lot riding on these scholarships…" Victor says, resting his head on his hand.
"Well, there's one thing you won't have is me riding on your dick if you don't come to this party," Benji teases.
"That's a low blow, Benji, no pun intended," Fee says.
"Do you really wanna risk it?" Lake asks, her tone foreboding.
"Uhh... " Victor says, gaze searching as he eyes his friends. "Okay, fine. Fine, I'll come to the party. But only for a few hours, and then I'm coming right back to study," he says quickly.
"Yessss!" Lake says, throwing her fist in the air. "Victory!"
"Oh, thank goodness, buddy. I'll finally have someone there who's not completely weirded out by me," Fee says.
"You know, I wasn't actually serious about not having sex with you if you don't go to the party," Benji says, waving his hands in front him. "I was just joking."
"I know. But, I just… I really should take a bit more time for myself because all I've been doing is studying and basketball and occasionally hooking up and it's not the healthiest lifestyle to have. You guys are right that I need to relax a bit more. Like, I already have a 4.0 so realistically even if I don't do amazingly on my final exam, I'll still probably be fine," Victor says.
"That's the spirit," Lake says. "But also dang, 4.0, that's not bad at all. Hot and smart."
"Well, I also had a 4.0 until like last week when my stupid English professor gave me an A- for going 'off topic' in one of my paragraphs because I wrote about the LGBT movement in the modern day. Since, you know, I was writing about a book that had a major trans character—" Benji says, before Lake holds up her hand.
"Benji, please, I already heard this story like twenty times, we know. It's unfair, get over it. We can't all have straight As," Lake says with a sigh, exasperated.
Crossing his arms over his chest, Benji pouts. "I just know I'm gonna hear about it from my parents over the break and I'm not looking forward to it."
"That sucks," Victor says, resting a hand on Benji's knee. "I didn't know your parents were so hard on you."
"Eh, I'm used to it," Benji says with a shrug. He sits up straighter. "Anyway… Party starts at like 9 so we'll show up at—"
"8:15," Fee says.
"No. Probably closer to 10," Benji says.
"Let's meet up at the quad at like… 9:45 and go from there," Lake says.
They all agree, checking their phones; it's already after 6 pm. After studying for a bit longer, they decide to head to the dining hall to get dinner together before breaking off and returning to their respective dorms to get ready. Benji texts Ruth to ask her if she's still interested in tagging along, and she quickly replies with a yes. .
Once they all part ways at 8:45, Benji enters his room to see Andrew in the midst of scrutinizing himself in front of the mirror as he adjusts the sleeves of his jacket. He greets him quickly before making a beeline to the bathroom and turning on the shower, hoping that by the time he's finished, Andrew is gone.
He closes his eyes and sighs as he takes in the sensation of warm liquid traversing his body, heating him up from the outside in. The temperature has gotten much lower and he isn't looking forward to trekking about through it but he knows he has no choice. Once he turns off the water, Benji steps out of the shower and peeks out through the door, exhaling relief when he sees the room is empty. He towels off his hair as he cards through his clothes, making a face at each option until he remembers he'd hidden away some more rique pieces for special occasions.
"Perfect…" he says to himself as he reaches into the back of his closet and pulls out a black mesh cropped tank top with black crosses on it, along with a pair of red booty shorts with the word "Psychoanalyze Me" on the back with the word "Anal" bedazzled on them, because he had seen it a while ago and bought them because he thought they were fucking hilarious. He pairs the outfit with his black combat boots and smiles at himself in the mirror. Yeah, he looks hot as fuck, as usual.
Humming, Benji slips some condoms into his pockets along with his phone and keys before exiting, praying that the walk to the frat house will be bearable. When he walks outside, he realizes immediately that this was a horrible idea, his nipples spearing his shirt and goosebumps popping out of his skin; but it's too late now. He knows that the frat house will be a steam room, anyway, so he can only look forward to that as he meets up with his friends at the quad.
Lake has changed into a short, cheetah-print dress with a deep v-neck and matching heels, and she's only a little bit more covered up than Benji. Fee is wearing a black steampunk-inspired jacket with silver buttons and a vest underneath, a pocket watch nestled within for… some reason Benji doesn't understand, but it looks cool, so he can't complain. He figures Fee didn't get the memo about the typical frat dress code, but no one seems to mind; Andrew drapes an arm over them and kisses them on the cheek. Victor, meanwhile, gapes at Benji, and Benji's eyebrows sprout into his hairline because he had actually dressed up stylishly this time. A thick, dark jacket over a grey knit sweater, with grey skinny jeans and white sneakers—the whole ensemble reminds Benji of some modelesque streetwear, and Benji knows Lake definitely helped him. Ruth arrives a moment later in a more casual outfit, a cute navy sweater-dress with black leggings and a pair of matching Docs.
"Hey… you look… wow. You must be freezing, Benji," Victor says, shrugging off his jacket, but Benji stops him with a hand on his shoulder.
"Thanks," Benji says, his face heating up a bit. "I'm actually okay, it's not a long walk to the party, anyway."
"You sure?" Victor asks, pupils drifting to Benji's middle.
Benji shivers. "Yeah, absolutely."
"Can I at least put my arm around you?" Victor asks. "So I can, you know, share my body heat a bit."
Biting his lip as they walk, their shoulders brushing against each other, Benji only has to follow the labyrinth of his own mind for a moment before he says: "Yeah, okay."
They walk down the sidewalk in a pile, taking up the entire width of it as Benji grabs Ruth by the arm, linking their elbows together like two stitches in a sheet of fabric, which is something Benji could use a lot more of at that moment. Fee, Lake and Andrew have gone a couple of feet ahead of them, leading the way.
The street is mostly quiet, aside from the deep, pumping bass and electronic music penetrating the air as they near the source. From the opposite end in the dark, Benji can see groups accumulating and approaching the Kappa Sig house, with some already giggling drunkenly as they make their way through the cold night air. Many of the girls, most likely from the nearby sororities, wobble along in their high heels and short, tight dresses, also not taking much heed of the temperature.
Colorful lights paint the sky outside around them varying shades, making the frat house look like it's situated directly below the Aurora Borealis. The outer facade is made of red brick with white Corinthian columns and every time Benji sees them he can't help but snort at the weak excuse for neoclassical architecture. He'd never been a fan of neo-colonial architecture, anyway; he always finds it pretentious.
When they enter, some of the Kappa Sig guys greet Andrew and Victor with intricate handshakes as if they're close friends, and Benji watches from the side of his eyes, curious. He knows Victor is popular, but he'd never seen just how much.
Victor introduces Benji to some of the guys, but Benji can't hear well over the sound of loud rap music coming from the speakers. They retreat into the back of the house, where there's a kitchen full of guys playing beer pong and pouring drinks for people who ask for them. The music here isn't as loud, and there's surprisingly more space to move around. Once they all get their drinks, Lake grabs Ruth by the hand and pulls her along into the basement so they can go and dance before Benji even has a chance to tell them to wait up.
Andrew and Fee wander off, leaving Benji and Victor alone. Benji leans against the shitty plastic countertop, his shoes sticking to the floor that he imagines has probably never been cleaned, as he sips his vodka and soda from his red cup as Victor chats up one of his basketball teammates, listening to some boring-ass story about the team mascot that Benji doesn't care much about. It's been too long since he tasted alcohol, and he had expected to hate the taste of it because that was what he had thought when he drank it for the first time when he was sixteen.
He hates that it goes down smoothly and tastes fucking delicious. And he'd even poured himself mostly vodka with a top-off of soda.
"Hey, Victor," Benji says, tapping him on the shoulder. "Please don't let me drink more than this. Please."
"I won't," Victor reassures him. "I promise."
Benji feels out of place here, he realizes—a lion among a pack of wolves. He takes another sip of his drink, staring at the game of beer pong before him, before he feels a phantom of a presence beside him.
"Didn't think I'd see you here, Campbell," says a familiar voice he hadn't heard in a long while, and he had hoped to keep it that way.
"Oh. Hi, Connor," Benji says politely.
The guy is about an inch taller than him, with a similar build, and also… unsurprisingly, wearing a crop top and booty shorts. He's pale, with mousy brown hair and an, in Benji's opinion, average looking face that he wouldn't be able to recall in a crowd. Every time he sees him, Connor tries to start shit with him. And every time, Benji has to restrain himself from jumping him.
"You look… unwell," Connor says, eyeing him up and down as he takes a sip of his drink. Benji figures it's something like plain vodka, which wouldn't be that much worse than what he has in his hand. "It's like you get more raggedy every time I see you."
"What do you want, Connor?" Benji asks, rolling his eyes as sliding away from him as he takes a large gulp of his drink.
"I just wanted to chat with my fellow homo, is that a crime?" Connor says, sliding back over to him. "Are you with someone?"
"Just here with my friends," Benji replies, trying to seem nonchalant. "Why don't you get back to yours? Oh wait, you don't have any."
"That's rich coming from you, bitch."
Benji shrugs, but he drinks again. "I don't care."
Connor's eyes dart to Victor, who is in the midst of a deep conversation with the guy from earlier. He looks back at Benji, whose arm is still touching Victor's gently.
"You're with Victor Salazar," Connor says, his face lighting up.
"What? No I'm not," Benji scoffs.
"Really? Then you won't mind if I do this, then…" Connor says, shoving Benji aside as he nestles himself between Victor and Benji.
The guy Victor was talking to walks away, and Victor turns his attention to Connor and Benji.
"Uh… Hi. Do I know you?" Victor asks.
"Connor Hart. I'm a huge fan," he says, twirling his hair on the tip of his finger before offering the other one to Victor to shake. Their hands linger for a moment as Victor eyes him slowly up and down. "Benji and I were just catching up."
"It's good to meet you… Any friend of Benji's is a friend of mine," Victor says with a chuckle. Connor puts on a cheesy smile that Benji knows only covers a rotten facade.
"You did really well at the basketball game the other day, by the way," Connor says, wrapping his free hand around Victor's arm and making a show of feeling his muscle. "Oh, wow… You're so… strong…"
The sound of plastic clattering to the floor rings out and Connor bends over, wiggling his booty-short clad ass right in front of Victor's face. It's as if time slows down when Victor's eyes latch onto Connor's behind as he all but begins to salivate, and Benji can only watch as he finishes his drink down to the last drop, setting his cup aside. Victor swallows as Connor rights himself and says "oops, my phone."
"Haha, better be more careful," Victor says, blushing a bit.
Connor turns to Benji and winks. Benji feels like he's going to combust and melt into the floor with the sheer power of his rage.
"Can we have a moment?" Benji says in the sweetest voice and the widest smile he can muster as he grabs Connor by the arm and drags him aside. His facade drops as soon as they're away from Victor's sight. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Nothing, obviously. Just chatting."
"God, you're so fucking transparent. I know another thirsty bottom when I see one."
"I've heard so many amazing things about him, mostly about his long dick and the fact that he knows how to use it… God, he's fucking hot."
"Yeah all of that is true but there's more to him than that. He's also like… really sweet and stuff."
"But you're not with him so why do you care?" Connor asks, looking up from his cuticles. "Unless you're sleeping with him, too. Which wouldn't surprise me because you're the biggest whore I know. I guess the football team wasn't enough, huh? You had to try out the basketball team, too?"
Benji's eyes dart to Victor, who is chatting with another guy from the team and laughing at something he said that he isn't privy to. His gaze returns to Connor's face, and if it weren't for the vodka in his system right now, he would probably have punched him. But he can feel his blood vessels relaxing, taking the edge off the blade of his anger.
All Benji can say instead is: "Why are you being like this? What did I ever do to you?"
Connor shrugs. "You should start respecting yourself more. Literally everyone knows you're a slut, it's not just me who says it."
Pressing his lips together into a line, Benji swallows the bile mixed with alcohol in his throat. He doesn't normally care what people think of him; but hearing this from Connor feels like a jab in the stomach from a lance that he can't remove.
"We're literally the fucking same, I really don't get it," Benji says, voice a wire slicing through the air.
"No we aren't. You'll literally fuck anyone you see. I actually have standards."
"It still doesn't make you better than me."
"Yeah, it does. And then you wonder why people hate you… because that's all you know how to do. Is how to fuck and be a hoe."
"I don't care," Benji says, blinking back tears. "You can have Victor."
Benji sighs and retreats from the kitchen, wandering into the hallway full of bodies and deafening music. He finds a spot on the couch and pulls out his phone, head pulsating and wavy. When he opens Grindr, he can see that quite a few guys in his vicinity are on it. Perfect. If Connor wants to call him a hoe, he can be a hoe.
He rises and slides beside one of the guys who he recognizes from his building, the one with blond locs about whose sexuality he'd speculated about but whom he hadn't pursued because of some reason he forgets because of the alcohol still vibrating through his veins, but he's otherwise lucid. The guy downs his drink, leaning against his friend who stands beside him also with a drink in his hand but looking relaxed otherwise, probably six and a half feet tall, pale and with black hair and piercing green eyes.
When Benji introduces himself, he can feel their eyes on him. He can see Victor pass by him from the corner of his eye with his arm around Connor's shoulder and Connor gives Benji the widest grin he'd ever seen from him. Benji's stomach drops. And over the music punching against him, Benji asks the two guys beside him if they want to fuck him. Without hesitation they say yes. And when they wander down the hallway into one of the rooms and shut the door, Benji can only think about Victor.
—-
Victor sits on one of the couches in the big main living room of the frat house, sipping at his rum and coke. Connor is on his lap, kissing at his neck. But Victor can't focus. He watches Benji from across the room as he chats with two guys he doesn't recognize; they're probably new members of the football team or something, based on their size. Benji only had one drink, so he's still holding up well, but something stirs in him as he watches one of the guys grab at Benji's ass; and Victor feels his pulse quicken even more when Benji giggles and presses himself against the guy's muscular chest.
Hand shaking, Victor downs the rest of his drink and crushes the red cup before setting it aside. He can't do anything as he watches Benji leave with the two guys in tow, knowing he's still coherent, as he disappears into the long hallway.
"Hey… do you wanna get out of here? Maybe find us a room?" Connor whispers in Victor's ear, rubbing at his leg.
"Yeah, good idea, Benji," Victor says absently.
"Benji?" Connor asks, lip twitching. "Oh, please, I'm way hotter than Campbell, gimme a break."
His entire body goes rigid. "What?"
"I can't believe this… He's probably full of diseases because he's literally fucked everyone and their dads."
Gritting his teeth, Victor removes Connor from his lap as gently as he can, even though he would like nothing more than to throw him across the room.
"What's your problem?" Victor asks him, pointed.
"I'm just saying… You seem so… respectable. Why would you hang out with him?"
"Well, first of all, Benji is my friend and he's a good person who doesn't shame people for having sex, unlike you, and second of all, you're being really fucking mean right now and I don't appreciate that. Oh, and third of all, ask me about my body count, because you would probably hate me if you knew how high it is. But you don't really care about that, do you. You're just trying to make yourself feel better by tearing someone else down. I feel bad for you."
Connor giggles. "God, you're like a giant, sensitive baby. I can't believe I actually wanted to sleep with you. What a waste of a good dick."
"Too bad. I'm getting out of here," Victor says, standing up and leaving Connor on the couch alone.
Sighing, Victor shuffles along the linoleum floor blindly, shoving past bodies crowding around him. He pushes open a door at random. And when he sees the two guys from before lying in bed, with Benji—who's already fully bare—in the midst of undoing one of their pants, Victor freezes in his tracks. Benji looks up, his face instantly falling when he sees Victor's face, mouth agape, eyebrows squeezing together. His stomach does a flip and he has to resist the urge to go and throw up. He's not jealous or anything.
They make eye contact for a moment, before Benji looks away, biting his lip, face reddening under Victor's gaze. Victor averts his own eyes, swallowing the lump in his throat and retreating before saying "sorry".
"Victor, wait!" Benji calls as he slides out of the bed and collects his belongings that had been scattered across the room. He jumps into his tiny shorts and puts on his crop top inside out and backward before he takes his phone and keys and boots in his hands.
Tilting his head to the side, Victor does as Benji asks, stepping out into the hallway and closing the door to give him some privacy. He hears voices from the other side of the door, inevitably Benji telling the two guys he changed his mind, before he pops out from the room, eyes downcast, shoulder sagging.
"I was gonna go back to my dorm now… Did you want me to walk you back to yours?" Victor says gently. He doesn't mention Connor or the guys Benji just almost slept with.
"That sounds nice, actually. Thanks," Benji says, still looking at the ground. "I'm… sorry you had to see me like that."
Victor doesn't say anything as they walk through the hallway, because he knows even if he did, Benji wouldn't be able to hear. He texts the rest of their friends to tell them they're going. They go outside, where the air is still and quiet and the only thing that observes them is the moon and the faux Northern Lights.
"Well, I'm sorry I didn't knock…" Victor says with a soft chuckle, before changing the subject. He removes his jacket. "I know you didn't want it when I offered it to you before but… Please take my jacket. You know, alcohol actually lowers your body temperature which can lead to hypothermia," he says, draping his jacket over Benji's frame.
"Good to know," Benji says softly, drawing the fluffy material of the inner lining closer to him. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it."
"No, seriously. I appreciate you looking out for me. You didn't need to, I can manage on my own."
Victor shrugs. "I know you can manage on your own but sometimes we could all use a little bit of help. I guess I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Like I didn't want you to do something you regretted, I guess. And sometimes it can be nice to just sleep in your own bed."
"Yeah…" Benji says, sighing as he looks up at the sky. "How did things go with…Connor?"
"Oh, God, he turned out to be a huge dick. We didn't even do anything."
Benji holds a hand in front of his mouth sarcastically, feigning surprise. "Really? I would never have thought!"
Victor giggles but becomes serious again almost immediately after. "He said some really nasty things about… you, actually. I'm not gonna repeat them but I did have to school him on why he's a fucking hypocrite and why slut-shaming is totally not cool."
Sighing and staring at the ground, Benji presses his lips together before he turns to Victor. "I can imagine what he said. None of it's news to me because I guess I do have a bit of a… reputation."
"Me, too," Victor says, chewing on the inside of his lip. "But I guess it's different for me."
"Yeah, I was gonna say... No one is gonna shame you and call you a hoe for sleeping around. Because you're masc. And a top. Which is unfair, but that's how it is."
"I mean… I'm not that much more masc than you," Victor points out with a soft chuckle. "And people seem surprised when I say I'm a top which is kinda hilarious. It's probably because of my face."
"Oh, please. You could basically pass for straight despite being extremely cute," Benji says, rolling his eyes. "I, on the other hand, am literally wearing booty shorts and a crop top in the dead of winter and no one has to speculate about anything, they just know."
"Yeah, I see what you mean. But also, it is pretty unfair and really shitty. I don't think that about you, though, for the record. The being a hoe thing, I mean. Or anyone, for that matter. There's so much politics behind it and it's all so stupid. Like I don't get why we can't all just all be nicer to each other?"
"I've heard people say that everyone is basically vers and that can be the case for a lot of people but like I don't think that's the way to go about solving the problem, you know?"
"Right? It's not hard to just be respectful to people without caring about their roles."
"Honestly… also, like, I didn't wanna seem like I was being jealous or petty or making things into a competition but I knew Connor was a jerk. He's constantly giving me shit and seriously needs to get a life."
"No, I get why you wouldn't wanna say anything about it. Like, I wouldn't tell you who to sleep with, either. Unless it was like, dangerous."
"Exactly."
"But I really don't like people who are assholes for no reason other than to like, belittle people and try to make themselves look better. We're all gay, we don't need to make life harder for each other than it already is."
Benji doesn't know if it's the alcohol, but something about Victor's words moves him, taking his heart from his chest and jiggling it about within his rib cage to draw the tears to the corners of his eyes. He rubs them away with his knuckles.
"Are you crying? Did I say something wrong?" Victor asks gently, pausing in his tracks. They're already outside the door to Benji's building. Benji leans against the red bricks that constitute the simple exterior.
"No, no… I think it's just the exhaustion and the after effects of the alcohol coming out," Benji lies with a breathy chuckle. "I'm okay, though."
"You've had a long day," Victor says, nodding in understanding and resting a hand on Benji's shoulder.
"Yeah… thanks for walking me back. And for taking care of me. And for defending me. You didn't have to do any of that."
"It was just the right thing to do. And you're my friend, Benji. It's just what… friends… do."
Friends. That's what they are to each other, Victor has to remind himself. He swallows, biting his lip as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
"Well, you're a good friend, Victor," Benji says with a small smile playing at his lips.
"Thank you. So are you," Victor says, not wanting to leave despite the cold bombarding his skin like icy little hammers threatening to freeze his limbs and then smash them apart.
"Here lemme give you your jacket back," Benji says, going to slide it from his shoulders.
"No, it's really okay. Hold onto it. I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I don't have a long walk back and I run pretty warm… But you should go get some rest now. It's late."
"Thanks," Benji says, wondering if the heat creeping up his cheeks is from his body attempting to re-regulate homeostasis or something else entirely. "Time to go sit in the shower in the fetal position because I'm too sore to be vertical right now."
"Good luck with that. And I hope you feel better fast," Victor says, his eyes shining like stained glass in the light of the lamps that line the sidewalk. Victor leans down to press his lips to the other's cheek before Benji stops him with a hand on his chest.
"Wait, actually… I have a question, before you leave," Benji says, voice just above a whisper.
"Hm? Is everything okay?"
"I know it's probably really stupid but…" Benji says, running his hand through his hair and exhaling. "If we weren't sleeping together, would you still, like… actually wanna be my friend?"
Victor doesn't hesitate for a second. "Of course. I think you're really cool. And you're really fun and helpful, too. It just seems like we get along well and sorta… have similar values, I guess."
"Oh… thanks," Benji says, grinning at the ground as he fidgets with his hair. "That's uh… really nice of you to say."
"Well, I'm not just saying that because I like having sex with you, for the record. I do actually mean it. Like, for example… I don't feel like I'm torturing myself when we have our study sessions together."
Benji laughs. "To be fair, we do end up having sex anyway so that probably explains a lot."
"You know that's not what I mean," Victor says with a chuckle. "It just makes all the formulas and theory and fucking—stoichiometric equations more bearable when I'm not doing it all alone."
"That makes sense."
"Yeah…" Victor says, gaze softening as he looks at Benji in the dimness. "But… Why do you ask? About whether I would still wanna be your friend?"
"It's just sorta been on my mind lately," Benji says, fiddling with the bottom of Victor's jacket. He pauses, taking a deep breath. "When I had my fight with Mia she… said that if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have any friends who I didn't also sleep with. And I'm starting to think she might be right."
Victor frowns, eyebrows converging. "She actually said that to you?" When Benji nods, Victor's shoulders tense. "Isn't she supposed to be your best friend? Er… was, I guess. Either way, that's really mean. And I don't see how that can possibly be true."
Resting his head back against the wall, Benji shrugs. "People can be cruel. But I'm also not innocent here."
"Even if that was the case, though, it still kinda sounds like she's shaming you for something that really shouldn't be a big deal. Like, a lot of people find out they aren't compatible but that doesn't mean they can't be friends, right?"
"Maybe you're right…" Benji says, stroking his chin in thought.
"All I'm saying is that… you shouldn't beat yourself up over that. Because you're a great guy and it seriously just sounds like she was saying that to hurt your feelings," Victor says with a warm smile.
"Thanks," Benji says, mirroring Victor's expression for a moment before it falters again. "I guess I just miss talking to her and being friends with her like we used to be."
"I get it. But I'm sure she'll come around. Maybe she's just busy and doesn't have time for socializing. Just… don't take it personally, I guess. Because there are other people who like you and wanna be your friend, myself included."
"Yeah… you know, you're really wise, Victor."
"Thank you," Victor says, gazing softly at Benji before he adds. "Also it's like… one in the morning and you're shivering and look like you're about to pass out so I'm gonna go back to my place and you should go take that shower you were talking about. Deal?"
"Deal," Benji says, pushing himself off the wall and standing up straight.
"All right… Goodnight, Benji," Victor says, brushing some of the hair from Benji's face before leaning down to finally kiss him on the cheek, lips lingering before he pulls away.
"Goodnight, Victor," Benji says quietly, as if speaking any louder would awaken the rest of the world which was more than likely in the throes of deep sleep, watching the other for a moment before he opens the door to his building and enters, a gust of wind erupting into the air.
Victor waits a few seconds after the door falls closed, before he turns on his heels and treks into the night, as the stars twinkle above, watching over him like his own personal guardians. He looks back one more time before mentally kicking himself and continuing onward as he buries his hands deeper in his pocket, breath hovering around him like a nest of cotton candy in the cold.