Okay… maybe I fudge the truth.
Maybe I fudge it a lot.
It's not like she'll ever be able to find out. I always do most of my dirty work when the cameras are off, and even if anything is recorded, I'm subtle enough to where you wouldn't suspect a thing. I never say a peep to the confessional, so no matter what happens, she'll never know my secret. I'm not Tyler, I cannot possibly slip up bad enough to let the truth loose.
Besides, she may not even get that mad at me. Maybe she'll be a little upset before…
No, I'm kidding myself. She'll never forgive me. She'll hate me forever. I'll be in the same league as Leshawna.
I can't handle that.
What I have with Heather… it's nothing like my former crush on Gwen. I actually got to know her outside the game and she actually learned to trust me and I began trusting her back… most of the time at least.
Oh what cruel irony? I'm one of the first people she grew to trust, and yet I'm doing this to her.
"Hey. Are you listening, Cody?" Heather snapped her fingers at my face, causing me to snap back to reality. Right, I was in the Spa Hotel with her discussing strategy on how to get rid of Alejandro.
"S-Sorry sorry. I was thinking about if I'll be targeted by Alejandro, Courtney, and Scott." I smiled nervously, once again, I was lying.
"Cody, I'm sure you'll be fine. Courtney is too busy dealing with Gwen to target you and I doubt Scott plans to target you either." Heather rolled her eyes.
"Oh yeah… so how are we going to eliminate Al again?" I asked nervously.
"Basically we're going to talk to Gwen about eliminating him. Simple as that." Heather explains neutrally.
"Yeah, that could work. I believe in you Heather." I said happily.
"You really think so?" Heather asks me sadly.
My eyes shift nervously, that's the closest she gets to breaking me. Just by being genuine is enough for me to second guess everything.
"Yeah I do." I reassure her, if only to ease her worries.
I know she'll never win, it's practically impossible at this point. Her social game is tarnished beyond belief and I'm the only one in this game who doesn't hate her. She won't win, she's not supposed to.
She'll never win that million but sometimes I worry what happens if she does. Will everything I've worked to maintain my bond with her go to waste? Will she leave me for good?
I don't want to know that.
I'm her favorite person in the world. Don't ask me how I know that, Sierra told me that. Right behind me is the million dollars, and I think Harold, DJ, and Sierra are somewhere in between me and the million.
All I need to know is that I am first and that blasted prize is second.
Maybe I'm just paranoid, I could be wrong. Maybe she'd keep me in that spot even if she won the million but this is still Heather we're talking about. I'm not willing to take that chance.
Some of her failures are because of me. Maybe I saw Mike aiming for Heather in the bushes for a split second, maybe I knew Heather was faking her sunshine and rainbows act in the blue moon and that it would hinder our challenge performance, and maybe I know that Alejandro and Heather's feud will eventually cause their downfalls.
It's quite a mystery to be honest.
Either way, she doesn't need to know because I am winning that million myself not only because I want to be seen as an All Star but as insurance that I won't lose her.
Because it might seem cowardly, but I'm not ready to know how much I truly mean to her.