Sunlight peeks in through the slits in the blinds hanging over the windows, casting golden sheets across the room. Birds chirp outside, providing a peaceful morning melody to those who have the pleasure or misfortune (depending on constitution) to be conscious at that hour.
For Victor, it's momentary misfortune as he groans and stretches his legs out straight like a cat rising from it's loafing position on the floor, eyes still remaining closed. After a few seconds, his heavy eyelids flutter open and he blinks a few times as he adjusts to the daylight. Once his pupils focus, Victor jumps a bit, face heating up, but he can't stop himself from smiling.
Beside him, lay Benji, shoulder rising and falling in a steady rhythm as he basks in the glow, undergoing a further angelic transformation under Victor's gaze with each breath. He looks peaceful, head stacked atop his joined hands, face smooth aside from the dusting of dark stubble sprouting from his chin and along his jaw. A lone lock of escaped hair decorates Benji's forehead, and Victor gently tucks it behind his ear, careful so as to not wake him. When Benji doesn't wake, he exhales relief.
Victor rests on his arm and watches Benji sleep for a moment longer, lip curling up even more as his heart does somersaults in his ribcage. He wants nothing more than to pull Benji into an embrace, to kiss the breath out of him, to feel the warmth of his body against him, to run his hands through his hair, but Victor has to suffice with simply observing him from a short distance, wordless, and wait for him to awaken.
Nearby, a body stirs, and Victor remembers where he is; he glances over his shoulder to see Fee and Andrew wrapped around each other. From the opposite end, the metronomic noise of footfalls descending the staircase startles Victor from his spot. Yawning into the back of his hand, Victor slowly sits up, holding his head as it pulsates, as if a tiny grenade had burst behind his optic nerves.
"Gooood morning everybody," Lake says in a sing-song voice as she leans on the back of the couch and peers down at Victor. "You two definitely had some fun together last night, huh," she adds, wiggling her eyebrows.
Face aflame, Victor scoffs; his shoulders sag, because he knows he'll never hear the end of it from their friends.
"Fuck off, Lake," Benji says with a scowl, eyes still closed, as he rolls onto his back. "It's too early for this."
"Well, it's not that early, it's almost ten o'clock," Lake replies as she stands up straight. "And I would lose the attitude because Mia and I were about to make us all breakfast."
Benji mutters to himself as he props himself up on his elbow beside Victor, rubbing away sleep with his knuckles.
"Why are you being so loud?" Fee grumbles from against Andrew's back, not moving.
"Get up losers!" Lake urges, before she retreats to the kitchen.
"Relax, Lake," Mia says from the stairs as she descends, too, waving to her friends. "Morning, love birds. Or maybe I could compare thee to… rabbits," she adds, holding up her arm as if she were about to recite a soliloquy with a knowing glint in her eye.
Victor freezes despite his body heat spiking and rendering him speechless for a moment as Lake throws her head back in laughter. Fee gives a half-hearted chuckle and Andrew doesn't respond. Benji covers his face and flails his legs as he groans in humiliation.
"Anyway, we're gonna go start cooking. Anyone who doesn't wanna get up can just eat cold food, then, I don't care," Mia says.
"Do you guys need any help?" Victor asks, embarrassment subsiding a bit as he rises from his seat, only to be stopped by a clamp around his wrist.
"No, stay," Benji says with a pout, cheeks still painted pink as he pulls Victor back down.
Victor chuckles, leaning over to give Benji a peck on the lips. When Benji threads his fingers through Victor's hair, deepening the kiss, Victor almost melts into him as he cups Benji's cheek, like two separate varieties of ice cream that had been sitting out for too long, mixing into a new flavor that's even sweeter and more satisfying. Lake calls to Victor from the kitchen, but he doesn't hear her.
When Benji releases Victor from his grip, irises shining, pure gold in the late morning light, he presses his own lips together into a thin line as Victor gazes down at him and brushes tresses from his face with a smile.
"It's not fair to just make Mia and Lake feed us," Victor says, before his mouth scrunches to the side as he takes one of Benji's hands in his own.
"Then I'll come help you," Benji says, sitting up.
"We don't need four people to help with cooking," Mia calls from the kitchen, before she pops her head back into the room. "Vic, did you wanna maybe make pancakes? I hear you're good at it."
Scratching the back of his head, Victor chuckles. "Umm… I'd love to, but I think you're gonna have to ask Benji if I'm allowed."
Rolling her eyes and flashing a good-natured smile, Mia shakes her head.
"Well, obviously I'm not gonna get in the way of food," Benji says, kissing Victor on the cheek quickly before shooing him. "Go!"
"All right, get in here, then," Mia says, throwing Victor an apron.
Blowing Benji a kiss and earning a cheeky giggle, Victor disappears into the kitchen.
"Okay… where do you keep stuff like flour and baking powder and stuff?" Victor asks as he ties his apron around his waist. "I don't wanna dig through your stuff."
Mia looks up from the coffee machine as she presses the button to brew. "Flour and such is in the cabinet on your right, bowls are in the cabinet in front of you, milk is in the fridge but you're allowed to go in there, just make yourself at home."
Victor nods, withdrawing the supplies gingerly and setting them on the counter before he gets to work. Meanwhile, Lake puts on some music—"WAP" by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion because, she says, it's "a lyrical masterpiece". Victor blushes as soon as the opening verse starts and Lake begins dancing and singing along as she pops some pieces of bread into the toaster and then pops her hip along with the song.
"You guys just didn't wanna invite me to your dance party," Benji teases as he enters the room, swinging his hips for a moment before he plops down at the table with his head in his arms. "Smells good in here."
Shimmying his shoulders, Victor grins at Benji mischievously as he makes eye contact with him and twirls in place before he flips some pancakes onto a plate in a stack. Benji can't stop the laugh that falls from his lips.
"Honestly, we don't even need three people, two is more than enough," Mia says, untying her apron and setting the coffee pot in the middle of the table. "Plus, this is my house, I don't need to do all this, but I'll set the table because I'm a good host."
"God, you're so full of it. Sit down," Benji sighs, motioning to one of the chairs at the table as he pushes himself up. "I'll do it."
"Sure. Have fun," Mia says as she sits down to watch.
"I'm sore because of you," Benji whispers into Victor's ear as he stands behind him and opens the cabinet beside him, then reaches inside to pull out plates.
Victor shivers as Benji's breath hits his skin, but grins nonetheless, biting his lip. He knows he shouldn't be so pleased with himself, but he does still feel a bit bad about it.
"Are you okay?" Victor asks.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just wanted to let you know," Benji says with a wink as he taps his hip against Victor's with a giggle.
Clearing his throat, Victor tugs at the collar of his shirt, frowning when he realizes the tag is in the front. His body heats up again, and he contemplates pressing his face directly onto the range in front of him because it would be preferable to the knowledge that his and Benji's little escapade had not gone unnoticed last night.
Sighing, Victor tips the rest of the pancakes onto a plate and turns off the stove before bringing the food to the table and setting it down. Benji leaves and then returns with Fee and Andrew in tow, and they all sit down to eat. They chat for a bit but it isn't particularly lively, the atmosphere leaden with exhaustion.
Once they finish breakfast, Victor and Benji offer to clean up as Fee and Andrew depart for Fee's dorm to sleep for the rest of the day. Victor envies them; he's usually terrible at taking naps in the middle of the day.
Even though Mia and Lake are too polite to tell Victor and Benji to leave, they decide to go to Benji's dorm together. With kisses on the cheeks, they exit into the late winter air on a particularly bright and unusually warm day as the gentle breeze floats about.
Benji loops his arm around Victor's as they walk back to campus, staring off into space. Victor watches him with a crooked smile.
"What are you thinking about?" Victor asks after a few minutes of comfortable silence, heart clenching in his chest as Benji's head snaps to the side and their gazes connect.
"Umm… Well, you're probably gonna think it's dumb. Like, full-on, head empty, no thoughts," Benji says as a blush appears on his cheeks.
"It can't be head empty if you're actually thinking about something that isn't nothing," Victor points out.
"Okay, well… you know how sometimes you get songs stuck in your head?"
"Yeah. That can be super annoying."
"Right? Anyway… I was thinking, like… how does that even happen? And I was wondering if I could control which song gets stuck in my head but so far nothing's working. Like, I haven't listened to 'Call Me Maybe' in like… years. And all of a sudden it's in my head and I can't get it out."
Victor bursts out laughing. "Dammit, now it's in my head, too. You suck," he teases.
"To be fair, it could be worse. It could be the song from Titanic or even worse… 'Baby Shark'."
"No, not 'Baby Shark'!" VIctor says loudly, clapping his hands over his ears as Benji doubles over with laughter. "I'll admit, though. It is kinda nice."
"Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't come for it, it's actually kinda cute."
Wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes, Victor nods, before craning down to kiss Benji on the cheek. They'd already made it to campus and are only a few minutes away from Benji's dorm.
"Hey, I wanted to ask you something, actually," Victor says, pulling his arm a bit closer to his own body. "It's uh… kinda personal, I guess."
"Hm?" Benji hums, eyeing him curiously with a shimmering gaze.
"Uhh… it's about… kissing," Victor says, staring down at his feet, the seconds dragging between them like millipede legs. "Why were you—"
"So against it at first?"
"Yeah…"
Benji's Adam's apple bobs and he mirrors Victor. When Victor's eyes dart to Benji, he can see the little round crystals perched atop his lower eyelashes threatening a cascade, and even though his stomach drops and he feels like a bad person, Victor wonders if he's ever seen someone as beautiful in his life.
"To be honest, it's because I read an article one time about how kissing releases all these chemicals and endorphins that make us feel happy and connected to each other and since I don't have time for a relationship, I don't wanna get too attached to people I hook up with," Benji says with a shrug. He opens his mouth again as if he wants to say more, but closes it again.
"Oh. I see," Victor says. "What about me, then?" he asks, the knife in his chest making a deep gash down his belly and flaying him; the sensation would be preferable to what he's feeling in this moment upon hearing this admission.
"I don't know, honestly," Benji says, gaze never unsticking from the pavement. "I guess I just don't feel the pressure with… us."
Victor raises an eyebrow, wanting to respond, but Benji stopping short in front of his building and pulling his card out to swipe them inside shatters him like a sheet of ice from his thoughts.
"Are you okay?" Benji asks gently as he leads them inside.
"Yeah. I'm fine," Victor says with a tight-lipped smile.
Benji eyes him for a few seconds before he responds. "Cool. I was gonna take a shower now because I feel gross… did you wanna join me? I can lend you some clothes."
He unlocks the door to his room and leads them inside as he sheds his outer layer and tosses it aside. Victor chews on his lip, contemplating the offer. As he watches Benji open his closet and lean over to pick something out from inside, pupils trailing up his ripped skinny-jean clad legs and to the exposed strip of his middle as his crop top becomes the victim of gravity, Victor can't stop himself from gaping. When Benji rights himself and catches Victor's gaze, he chuckles.
"I'll take that as a yes," Benji says as he steps over to Victor and gently pushes his chin upward to close his mouth before he presses their lips together. He must know that Victor can't resist him the same way a sunflower can't resist the pull of the sun.
"I didn't say yes, but… yes," Victor breathes against Benji once they pull apart as Benji strips out of his clothes and makes a show of it.
"We're not having sex in the shower, though. I learned my lesson the hard way," Benji says as he peels his jeans off and tosses them aside, standing, bare and proud, before Victor, who still has his clothes on. "I've never been waterboarded but I may as well have been the last time I did it."
"That's totally fine, honestly. I wasn't planning to. Like, I didn't even drink that much last night and I still feel… really tired for some reason?" Victor says as he pulls his shirt over his head.
"Probably from the sex," Benji says, as he walks into the bathroom and turns the water on.
"Oh, yeah," Victor says, as he finishes removing the rest of his clothes and follows Benji into the shower.
Victor simply watches the way the water cascades down Benji's taut form as he lathers shampoo through his hair before rinsing it out and letting his eyelids flutter open; when Benji raises his gaze to Victor's, he gives him a small smile as he offers him the shampoo, and Victor takes it, feeling as if his soul would float out of his body and ascend into the heavens. His heart beats faster when their fingers brush and create what feels like a spark; Victor jerks his hand back quickly at the sensation.
He tries not to stare as Benji rubs soap on the rest of his body, glancing up at Victor through his eyelashes every so often as if he is intentionally playing coy. Victor swallows and looks away, and when he opens his eyes again, Benji is only a few inches away from him, baring his teeth as he rakes his pupils over Victor.
"So, I know I said no sex, but…" Benji says, looking down at Victor's cock, which he should have expected would become erect from all the kisses and longing glances, but Victor hadn't thought that far ahead. "Do you want me to take care of that for you?"
"If you want to," Victor murmurs.
Benji licks his lips and nods as he takes hold of Victor's erection with a skilled grip, sliding his hand down from base to tip as he presses even close to Victor. With a soft moan, Victor pulls Benji into a fierce kiss like a solar storm breaching the Earth's atmosphere as his palm rests on Benji's waist and he breathes him in.
Victor's touch wanders down to Benji's backside and he kneads the firm flesh of his ass while Benji takes his other hand and guides it to his own hard dick. Instinctively, Victor jerks Benji off as he pushes him up against the wall, not breaking their kiss. The hot water crashing over them does nothing to alleviate the scorching eruption between them as they lose their senses and their wits entirely, the rest of the world falling away so that only the pounding of their hearts and the sensation of their hands on each other's cocks are the only things that matter.
Their tongues tangle as Benji brings Victor even closer to him even though it's impossible, and Victor almost feels bad for the way he's shoving Benji's skull back against the tiled wall, but Benji doesn't seem to mind. They stroke each other faster as if in rhythm with their pulse, until Victor bites Benji's lip and sees a flash of white as he spills his seed in his hand, his wrist starting to hurt as Benji cums a moment later, gasping and shuddering and gripping at him unsuccessfully due to the lack of friction.
Leaning against the wall and sandwiched between it and Victor, Benji rests his forehead against Victor's as he evens out his breathing, and Victor does the same, rinsing his hand off under the running water before he cups Benji's cheek and gives him a soft kiss.
With a lazy smile, Benji stands under the water again, tugging Victor along with him and tipping his head to the side, watching him with hooded eyes before he shuts off the water and gets them some towels.
"What happened to the 'I'm not having sex in the shower' thing?" Victor asks as he ruffles his wet hair with a towel before drying the rest of his body.
"Okay, I'll admit, that was pretty nice," Benji says as he exits the bathroom, opening the door and letting in the cold air from the room. "I guess it's good you didn't stick your dick in me this time because it would probably have hurt."
"I told you…" Victor says with a roll of his eyes, pinching Benji's behind and earning a giggle.
"Don't get it twisted, though, I like the normal way better," Benji says with a wink as he cards through his clean clothes and hands Victor a pair of sweatpants. "Okay so… bad news, I need to do laundry again and I only have two shirts left. Would you prefer a Spiderman crop top," he asks, holding up the item in question, "or like… a regular t-shirt?"
Victor puts the pants on before he narrows his eyes and strokes his chin as he looks between the two items. "Well, I've never worn a crop top before so why not," he says. "Plus, I don't want you getting sick again."
Benji pouts but hands it to Victor regardless. "I could always just wear a sweater…"
Chuckling, Victor slips the shirt over his head, blinking as he stands in front of the mirror and acclimatizes to the sensation of having his upper half covered and his middle bare; it's strange, especially with the way it's a bit too loose in the shoulders but just right everywhere else. He makes a face at himself in the mirror before shrugging.
"Not bad," Victor finally says.
"It kinda suits you, actually," Benji says as he pulls on his t-shirt and then slides into his bed, burying himself under his covers so only his head peeks out from beneath them. He shivers. "Wanna take a nap?" he asks, eyes wide as he blinks quickly in succession. "I could use your warm body next to mine."
"That sounds really nice," Victor says as he joins Benji in bed, the tiny twin size mattress barely wide enough to accommodate them both but it's just enough room for them anyway.
They lay shoulder to shoulder, staring up at the ceiling, and Victor can hear the blood rushing through his veins due to their proximity alone. He swallows, looking at Benji from the side of his eye, and Benji does the same, letting out a breathy chuckle when their gazes connect again.
"This isn't comfortable," Benji whines, rolling over on his side and sidling closer to Victor. He takes Victor's arm from his side and raises it, before slotting himself next to Victor with his head resting on the other's chest, then brings Victor's arm around his back. Finally, he lets his own forearm lay across Victor's bare middle as he clutches at him and burrows into his side. "There we go. This is so much better."
Victor beams against Benji's hair, nuzzling against it before leaving behind a gentle kiss on his crown, as Benji stares up at him from his place on Victor's chest with a smile of his own. They lay there like that, eyes falling closed, their heartbeats hammering, bodies becoming sticky with sweat despite the coolness around them, and Victor doesn't know if it's just the fact that it's daytime that prevents him from falling asleep.
"Can't sleep," Benji says after an indeterminate amount of time has passed as he shifts in place.
"Me neither."
"Do you maybe wanna spoon?" Benji asks, lifting himself off of Victor's chest and staring past him.
"Yeah, but first… um… can we kiss for a little bit?" Victor asks. He chews on his lip.
Benji gives him a crooked smile before he leans down and bridges the gap between them. Victor's hand grips at Benji's lower back, the molecules of his fingers joining those of Benji's spine as their cells mingle and share electric pulses that are imperceptible to humans but still nonetheless enough to set Victor's loins alight again. Benji climbs on top of Victor, rubbing himself against him and moaning quietly into Victor's mouth as they quickly run out of air between the two of them. But Victor could kiss Benji for hours, until his lips split and he gets holes in his clothes from the friction of their bodies rocking against each other like ships over the roiling seas. If his body didn't have any other needs, he would be happy to be permanently connected to Benji so they could kiss for the rest of their lives.
When they separate, panting and flushed, Benji bites his lip and slides off him before he turns around with his back to Victor, glancing over his shoulder as Victor molds himself up against him and wraps an arm around his waist, careful to not press his boner up against Benji this time around.
Victor sighs as he buries face in Benji's neck, inhaling the scent of his fresh piney shampoo, and that sensation alone, with Benji overwhelming him and reminding him how safe he feels knowing Benji feels protected, too, is enough to knock Victor out almost immediately.
A loud bang rips Victor from his slumber and he jolts, blinking away light, as a figure enters and stomps through the room.
"Oh, sorry. Didn't know you guys were sleeping," Andrew says with a sheepish grin as he peeks into the bed. "God, don't tell me you fucked again. As if last night wasn't enough," he teases.
"Don't worry, we're clothed," Victor says, rolling his eyes as he rubs sleep from them and sits up. Benji stirs beside him and sits up, too, leaning against Victor and snaking his arms around Victor's middle blindly.
"What do you want, Andrew?" Benji asks.
"I just think it's funny how things come full circle," Andrew says, resting against the back of a chair. "If I wasn't with Fee, we could have a threesome."
Victor pales, eyebrows knitting together and pupils dilating
"You're so gross," Benji says, throwing a pillow as Andrew laughs and dodges it.
"I'm just saying!" Andrew retorts.
"Huh?" Victor says, as if language itself had become too difficult a concept and he's only able to construct one syllable sounds.
"You don't think it's hilarious that we've all slept with each other, just not all at the same time?" Andrew asks.
That was something Victor hadn't been expecting to hear. It's as if his insides have suddenly wound up into a tight ball and were pulsating within him, then snapped and popped out of his belly only to throw themselves into a furnace and now Andrew is making a meal of him like some sort of Hannibal Lecter wannabe.
He doesn't know if he's more angry at Benji for not telling him this crucial detail or Andrew for his remarks. But most of all, he's furious at himself for the jealousy that he knows is leaching into his skin like a poison, an ugly emotion that he can no longer keep at bay. He knows it isn't the first time, but this is the first time he can't keep it down.
"Wait, what? Seriously?" Benji asks, wide awake now, as his head snaps to the side.
Holding his hands up in front of him in surrender, Victor's eyes widen. "It was a long time ago, when we were still figuring stuff out in high school," he says, before he feels the bile rising in his throat. "What about you, Benji? Care to explain?" he says, his voice slowly getting louder and sharper until it cracks; he regrets his tone immediately.
Benji recoils and tugs at the corners of his eyes as he blinks a few times. "Two semesters ago, Andrew and I may have… hooked up," Benji says, staring down at his hands. "But that was it. We never hooked up again after that, I swear," Benji pleads.
"Well, there was technically that time you kissed me after—" Andrew says.
"What?" Victor cries.
"You're not helping," Benji snaps. "But yeah, after I ended things with you, Victor, I… felt lonely," he says with a soft sniffle.
"Why does it even matter, though?" Andrew asks, raising an eyebrow. "It's not like you two are dating so none of that shit is relevant. I mean, I don't even like Benji like that, but come on."
"True…" Benji murmurs, and Victor glances at him, wondering if he means it or if he has to convince himself.
Victor wishes that sour, hideous feeling would vacate his body, but the more he thinks about it, the more he wants to punch Andrew in the face even though he didn't do anything wrong. He takes a deep breath.
"Benji, I'm sorry for raising my voice at you and for being such a dick just now," Victor says gently, wishing they could just get off the subject before he actually throws up and embarrasses himself. He rests a hand on Benji's shoulder, surprised when the other leans into his touch.
"Apology accepted," Benji says, wiping his face with his wrist. "It's okay. I know it's just a weird situation to be in."
"Yeah… I figured you guys talked about it but I guess not… now it's all out in the open," Andrew says with a shrug as he collapses into his own bed, fully clothed, and pulls out his phone.
"Gee, thanks," Benji says sarcastically.
"I guess it's good we know. But it doesn't change anything. Everything is just… the same as it was before I found out," Victor lies, pulling Benji closer to him.
"Same here," Benji says, pressing a kiss to Victor's cheek.
"I should probably get going, though," Victor says after a moment, feeling the thick wall of tension around each of them as a result of the knowledge that had been dropped like a mine and tapped by an unsuspecting passerby. "I have a lot of homework to do," he lies again, the pit of his stomach becoming more and more raw and hollowed out.
"That's a good idea, actually, I should get some work done, too," Benji says as he stretches. "Wanna meet at the library?"
"Umm… I actually have some labs to do so I'll be in the bio building," Victor lies for a third time, wondering if God will finally smite him for his sins. "Maybe another day."
"Oh… okay then," Benji says, as Victor slides out of bed and pulls his jacket on.
"Thanks for the outfit. I'll wash it and give it back to you next time we hang out," Victor says with a forced smile.
"No problem. It looks really good on you," Benji says with a smirk.
Victor leans down to give Benji one final kiss goodbye, savoring the taste of his lips and sighing, the jealousy sloughing off his shoulders like a discarded exoskeleton. He just wants to know that Benji is his, even if he isn't.
When they part, Victor smooths Benji's hair down before he straightens his stance. He waves, then exits out into the darkness, two wet divots freezing against his face as he stews with his emotions and wishing he could just carve his heart out of his chest and throw it in the river of his own tears.