Electronic music cuts through the air of the art room, ricocheting off the industrial, windowless metal ceiling and the several tarps spread across most of the surfaces within. The door is closed, but it doesn't matter, because there would be no one roaming the halls to hear, anyway, since it's a late Friday evening and as usual, most people are out partying and drinking, anyway.
Benji sighs, rising from his position on the floor and stretching his limbs out as far as they'll go, twisting his trunk to loosen out his back as he takes a deep breath. He'd been crouching over his sculpture and chatting with Mia long enough to lose track of time, and the fact that they can't see the sun doesn't help matters, either.
Glancing back to his work—a life-size sculpture of a man in dark brown clay, leaning down with hands resting on each side, enraptured with his own reflection as he gazes into an invisible pool of water—Benji can't help but feel proud of himself. He hums along to the frenzied music playing as he wipes his forehead with the back of his arm and smears even more little brown streaks across his face; he doesn't care, he'll wash it off later.
When he steps back, dragging his hands down the front of his apron to get rid of the clay residue, he takes his reference drawing and compares it to the figure he'd managed to build, familiar shining dark eyes and curls staring back at him. Benji nods and Mia slides beside him.
"I need your help, B," Mia says quietly, words wavering.
"Mia Brooks, sculptor extraordinaire, needs help from little old me?" Benji replies with a chuckle.
"Well, I don't know how you did it, but it looks like you're managing the clay sculpting a lot better than me," she says, dragging Benji toward the other side of the room, where a lump of misshapen clay lay in a heap. "I think mine was too heavy and it collapsed," she says, voice cracking. When Benji looks at her, he can see the little orbs gripping her eyelashes, dangerous.
"Shit."
"Yeah… Metal is so much easier to deal with…" she says, wiping her eyes.
"Umm—Okay… have you tried thinking a little bit… smaller, maybe?"
"You know I don't do small, Benji."
"True. Well, you can always try just like… coating a metal sculpture in clay, maybe?"
Mia pauses, opening her mouth before closing it again. She tips her head to the side. "Won't that make it even heavier?"
"Also true… I don't know if physics is gonna be on our side. Can I see your plan again?"
Groaning, Mia takes her sketch—a peacock with its feathers fanned out resting in the middle of a crescent moon—and shoves it into Benji's hand. "It may have been the legs… I think they were too thin…"
Benji glances back over his shoulder to his own work, taking note of the detail work he still needs to put in. He whips back around to Mia's work, examining her plan and stroking his chin. "Can I suggest some modifications, then?"
Nodding, Mia hands him a pencil. "Go ahead. I just wanna be done with this damn thing because it's giving me so much trouble and I just wanna pass this class at this point… I don't even know if I'll have time to re-do it…"
"I'll help you," Benji says, as he draws a little sketch, adding more mass to the lower bit of the drawing so it's sturdier.
"No way, you have your own shit to do."
"I really just have to add the face and some minor details, easy peasy," Benji says, waving his hand. He returns the drawing to Mia. "Seriously, let me help. It'll go much faster."
Narrowing her eyes, Mia takes the sheet of paper and flips it around. "Fine. Thank you. Now, can you walk me through what you did here?"
Smiling, Benji tucks his pencil behind his ear as he leans over the sketch, pointing out each of the corrections he'd made in the new drawing. "Basically, all we really need to do is put more of the center of gravity toward the lower part and get rid of the fragile bits. Also, we'll build an armature this time so it doesn't collapse again and it'll be hollow, which will make it lighter. But overall the design is really cool."
"Thank you, you're a lifesaver, honestly," Mia says, beaming. "Victor's definitely rubbing off on you," she adds, poking him in the side.
Benji blushes. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Mia simply shrugs. "You're just… extra helpful lately."
"Hey, I am always helpful."
"Well, you used to get a little bit too absorbed in your own stuff, that's all."
Benji opens his mouth to retort when the door bursts open, revealing a sweaty, flustered Lake. Mia's and Benji's heads snap to the side.
"Hey, I called you like ten times, Mia! Do you have any idea what time it is?" Lake cries. "Hey, Benji," she says in a calmer voice in Benji's direction.
"Hey, Lake," Benji says, waving awkwardly.
"Huh?" Mia says, as Lake approaches her and kisses her cheek. She pulls her phone out of her pocket. "Oh… my phone was on silent… But shit, we've been in here for six hours."
"Did you forget we were supposed to go on a date tonight?" Lake snaps.
"Oh. Right," Mia says, grimacing. "Sorry, I… Kinda had a little bit of a mishap with my sculpture and Benji was just trying to help salvage it…"
"That's not good," Lake says, calming down instantly, eyebrows downturned with worry. "Now I feel bad."
"It's okay, babe. Gravity is a wicked thing," Mia says with a half-hearted grin. "Um… maybe we can try working on this tomorrow instead?"
"No, no. I don't mind taking a rain check on our date," Lake says, swatting the air and then chewing on her lip for a moment. "Oh! How about I order us some food, because y'all must be starving, and I can help you fix things up. I don't have any other plans tonight, anyway."
Mia and Benji stare at each other for a moment, blinking, before they shrug.
"Yeah, I could go for some food," Benji says.
"I've been craving Thai lately, personally," Mia says with a nod as she begins crushing down her collapsed sculpture with tears in her eyes.
"Thai it is," Lake says, staring down at her phone as she taps around. Once she's done, she sets her phone down on one of the tables and grabs Benji by the arm, pulling him into the corner.
"Did you get—" Benji says, before Lake cuts him off.
"Yes, Benjamin, I'm aware of your dietary restrictions, and got you a bunch of vegan drunken noodles," she says.
"Thank you," Benji says, rolling his eyes as he folds his hands together as if for prayer.
"I'm actually glad I ran into you, though. I had a little idea…" Lake says, putting on some red lip gloss and popping her lips.
"Oh?" Benji says.
"You know how Victor's birthday is coming up next week—"
"I didn't know that," Benji says, face flushing.
"Well you know now, so don't interrupt me again," Lake warns.
"Sorry."
"What did I just say, Benjamin?"
"Stop calling me that."
"Anyway… Well, Victor's turning the big two-oh on the fourth, or so he mentioned when I ran into him earlier today, and I don't wanna bother Mia with this because she's busy—"
"I'm in."
"Benjamin!"
"Look, I know you need help getting a gift so I'm in. And I can pick something up, too. It's been a while since I went shopping..."
"No, I was thinking we could plan a surprise party for him. This is why I said don't interrupt me," Lake scoffs, flicking Benji in the arm.
"A whole ass party? Isn't that a little ambitious?"
"Yeah. Unless that's too much for you… I could always ask… Andrew, or god forbid, Fee."
"That's kinda mean… but yeah like I said, I'm in. I can handle it."
"Yay!"
"Also, what if his like… actual family is planning something? Might be good to get them in the loop."
"True… hmm… how to get their contact details without letting Victor know what's up…"
"I was also just about to suggest we get Fee involved but knowing them they'll spill everything."
"Yeah definitely a no…"
"Wait, he has a sister. Does she have insta?"
"Oh, brilliant idea…" Benji says, pulling his own phone out of his pocket and going on Instagram. "Her name is Pilar, I think…" he types it into the search bar. "Wait… it says she's already following me…?" he says, eyebrows knitting together.
Lake's eyes widen and she purses her lips. "Wild… anyway, you can handle sending her a little message right?"
"Yeah, I got it."
"So what sorta theme are we thinking?" Lake asks, holding her hands out in front of her as she gesticulates wildly. "Red carpet, vintage, Great Gatsby… ooo maybe Rococo?"
"Ew, fuck Rococo. Come on, it doesn't have to be anything too fancy. Like, anything where he can just hang out with his family and friends and spend time with them is plenty."
"Boo, that's so lame," Lake says, stomping her foot. "But you're probably right. So, no Kardashians…" she adds, crossing it out on her invisible list in the air.
"We can plan more of this later, I think Mia needs our help," Benji says, motioning with his chin toward Mia, who looks distraught as she sits among a pile of tragically misshapen clay.
"Perfect timing, the food's here," Lake says as her phone pings. She darts out of the room as Benji sighs, covering his own sculpture so it doesn't dry out, and then goes to help Mia recreate her vision.
They spend the rest of the evening constructing an armature and covering it in clay, which is something even Lake is able to do once Mia and Benji show her how to connect the clay to itself. Progress is much faster than if Mia would have done it on her own, but it's still glacial, backbreaking work.
By the end of the evening, even after they'd put away as many noodles as would fit in their bellies, they stumble back to their dorms, and Benji doesn't even bother taking a shower to wash all the dried clay off his skin and undoubtedly from his hair. Instead, he collapses into his bed on top of the covers, face-first, a pile of bricks on his back as the darkness overtakes him instantly like a thick, dark curtain. When he awakens, groggy and sore as if he'd been kicked in the spine by a pack of wild horses, he realizes he's wrapped up in a little burrito, and he smiles at Andrew's sleeping form.
The week passes quickly with sculpting and painting and party planning and figuring out what he wants to give Victor for his birthday. Benji ultimately settles on making Victor a sculpture, partially because he doesn't have a lot of money left, but mostly because he knows that he can't buy anything that would be able to come even within a hair's-length of showing Victor how much he means to him, even if Benji can't yet tell him with words.
He's lucky enough to get the sculpture fired two days before the party, and he sighs in relief when it doesn't explode in the kiln. Wrapping it with care, Benji hides it away under his bed in anticipation of the big day. He'd been so busy with classes and sculpting and planning the party with Lake, Pilar and Isabel (who, upon first contact, had divulged how much she'd heard about him from Victor, which had made him almost choke on the strawberries he'd been eating while he read the message), that he'd almost forgotten one crucial thing.
Once Benji and Mia successfully finish bringing Mia's project back to life, Benji enlists Mia's help in turn. He doesn't know why, but as the days pass and they grow ever closer to the day of Victor's birthday party, the sense of dread pooling in his belly, dragging him down like claws around his innards, becomes more forceful. It's getting harder and harder for him to focus.
"Okay I need help picking out an outfit…" Benji announces, throwing open his closet.
"Why? Just wear what you would normally wear to a birthday party, it's not that hard," Mia replies, glancing down at her cuticles.
"I wanna wear something that says 'I'm a perfectly respectable young man but also know how to have fun'. And I also don't wanna wear crop tops anymore, it's too cold for that lately."
"So a hoe does get cold," Mia teases.
"Shut up, I just can't be getting sick again, that's all. There's too much at stake."
"Fine… what's this?" Mia asks, pulling out a white collared shirt with buttons and billowy sleeves.
"I wore that for Halloween… for my Victorian Dandy costume," Benji sighs, snatching it away from her. "Although, on second thought…" he says, pursing his lips as he stares at it, the mechanisms in his brain picking up and starting to spin. "This actually might not be so bad… I can pair it with a belt maybe…"
Mia raises an eyebrow. "So you're gonna wear a gay pirate outfit to meet your boyfriend's family for the first time."
"It's not a gay pirate outfit, it's couture, first of all," Benji snaps, "and Victor isn't my boyfriend, we've been over this," he adds, a blush creeping up his cheeks.
"Then why are you planning his party if he's not your boyfriend?" Mia asks.
"Hey, Lake is helping! She came up with the idea, not me."
"Hmm… that's not as convincing a statement as you think. Do you want my advice or not? I have things to do," Mia says, narrowing her eyes as she rubs the bridge of her nose.
"Okay, okay… Fine, what do you advise?"
"Hold on…"
Eyeing the shirt in Benji's hand, Mia reaches out and takes it from him, holding it up against his chest.
"Hold this," she says.
"Yes, chief."
She takes Benji's hand from his side and brings it to the hanger, and Benji does as he's told while Mia examines it, cinching the fabric at his waist and nodding sagely.
"Okay, I'll admit your eye was right this time. It's gonna be sorta dressy but maybe a vest would be nice with this whole ensemble?"
"I like where you're going with this…" Benji says, pausing for a moment when he sees a round knit cloth from the corner of his eye. "Oh and my beret, so I can look like a proper art hoe."
Blinking several times while making a face, Mia watches Benji grab at the black beret and place it gently askew on his head. "That's definitely… a choice," she says.
"Is that meant to be positive or negative? I can't tell."
"Actually… I'm shocked that this is actually… working," Mia says, eyes widening as she stares at him. "I thought it would be a mess but it's not… Has my taste just become extremely tacky because we hang out so much or are you actually fashionable?"
"You clearly have a very low opinion of my fashion sense and it hurts my feelings a little bit but also… the idea of you suddenly developing bad taste is fucking hilarious," Benji says with a mirthful giggle.
"Hey, I don't have bad taste…"
"Then just admit that I'm more fashion-forward than you," Benji says, stripping his shirt off and putting on the puffy white shirt, before rummaging through his closet to find one of the black vests he has and buttoning is up over the shirt.
"That's hot. You look like a Victorian dandy but somehow even gayer and a little French. If you just pair it with some black pants and those platform boots… it'll be awesome."
"Good idea. But damn, you're right. I look snatched," Benji says, standing to the side in front of the mirror and scrutinizing himself, admiring the way the vest cinches his waist and shows off his… assets. "Although I'll pretend you didn't say I look French because that's a little bit insulting. I'm much less pretentious."
Mia snorts. "Sure you are…"
"Who am I kidding, my taste is too expensive," Benji says, draping his hand across his forehead dramatically.
Chuckling, Mia plops down on Benji's bed, before her face falls momentarily and she clears her throat. "Not to change the subject, but… This whole thing has got me thinking... Seriously, B. I know you said you wanted to be with Victor and you're putting all this energy into this. It's a little unusual and it's making me wonder what's going on."
Benji looks down at his hands as he turns around to face her and plays with his sleeves. He crosses the room and sits down beside her, pressing his lips together for a moment before he takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. "He's been… weird lately. It makes me feel like I did something wrong."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, ever since we all hung out at your place, he's been sorta avoiding me? Like after we came back here, we… you know, and then we were cuddling and—"
"Aww you guys cuddled?" Mia squeals. "That's so cute, god."
"As I was saying, we were cuddling and then Andrew showed up and we all started talking and Andrew was being… you know, his normal, no-filter-having self, and he let slip that—nevermind," Benji says quickly, catching himself at the last minute, heat rising in his face like hands of fire smacking his skin.
"Not 'nevermind', Benji. What did he say?"
"It's private," he mutters, turning away. "It's just not my information to share."
"Okay… that's fine," Mia sighs, swallowing thickly. "I understand. I don't like you keeping secrets from me, but it's fine…"
"Like I said, it's not my job to expose anyone. So can we just drop it?"
"Yeah, of course… So, what happened after the… super secret convo?"
"Well, he looked hella uncomfortable and said something about needing to go do some labs in the bio building? He seemed pretty preoccupied so it must be a lot of work…"
"Wait, what are you talking about? Victor doesn't have bio this semester."
Benji raises an eyebrow. "Come again?"
"I don't know where you were when he was telling us but he's taking physics and chemistry this semester, not bio. I distinctly remember him saying that the other day," Mia says, resting a hand on Benji's shoulder. "B, I hate to say it, but… I think Victor might be lying to you."
Mia's words are like cold, hard smack across the face—and not the fun kind. Benji gains no pleasure from it, instead slumping forward with his head in his hands as he groans in frustration.
"Why the hell would he do that?" Benji asks, the question muffled by his own skin.
"Because boys suck? I don't know," Mia says with a shrug. "He didn't ghost you or anything, right?"
"Well, no. Like, he'll respond to my messages and stuff but for the past few days when I ask him what he's up to and if he wants to hang out, he always just says he's too busy… He said that last semester, too, but somehow we found time for a quickie in the bathroom. This time around, nothing. Like, not only is my hand starting to cramp—"
"Gross and TMI," Mia says with a chuckle.
"What? It's true. And besides that, I feel… kinda lonely. Like, I miss having him around…" Benji sighs, falling backward against the bed. "I figured throwing this party for him would be a way to reconnect with him and show him how much I value him, but… I'm starting to think that maybe I'm wasting my time," he says, staring up at the ceiling with heavy eyelids.
"There's gotta be a reason for this, then… He probably has a lot on his mind," Mia says, rubbing Benji's arm. "You could always just talk to him at the party?"
Benji frowns. "I would like for this to be resolved before the party because part of the plan hinges on him thinking we're going out someplace together and I can't just kidnap him, he's too strong," he says.
"Right…" Mia says, humming to herself as she cards through her thoughts. "Maybe just… show up at his dorm and demand to speak with him?"
Opening his mouth up to speak, Benji closes it right away. He eyes Mia and nods. "That might actually be a good idea. The only thing is, I don't know when or if he's at his place at all lately. Although… I guess I could just ask Fee…" he says, withdrawing his phone from his pocket and constructing a message to Fee. "Doesn't hurt to try."
"Sometimes you gotta fight for your man. Even if he's being a dumb bitch," Mia says with a chuckle. "I'm glad things with you and Fee seem to be fine lately."
"Thanks. I appreciate you," Benji says, dropping his phone beside him on the bed before he sits up. "And yeah, I think once we got over the initial confrontation things just sorta organically worked themselves out, I guess."
"That's good!" Mia says, waving her fists in front of her. "But going back to Victor… Maybe this is about… whatever you and Victor and Andrew spoke about that I wasn't privy to…"
"Maybe you're right…" Benji says with a sigh, just as his phone pings. He picks it up. "Fee's so nice… It looks like Victor's at their dorm… I should go see him. But first lemme put some normal clothes on," he says, quickly changing back into original shirt—a black knit turtleneck—and throwing his thick black leather jacket over it. "What are you gonna do now?"
"I don't know… nap?" Mia says, gathering her things and sliding her arms into her jacket, too.
"God, good idea, you deserve some sleep," Benji says, opening the door and motioning for Mia to exit ahead of him.
"Thanks for your help again. I honestly don't know what I would do if you hadn't offered to help."
"All I ask is for 50% of the credit… just kidding," Benji teases, as they exit into the cool February air. "Don't mention it."
"Well, good luck with Victor," Mia says, turning on her heel.
"Thanks! Have fun passing out!"
They part with a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.
With a heavy exhale, Benji marches over to Victor's building, the structure becoming more imposing with each heartbeat, with each breath, with each passing second as he waits for what seems like an eternity trudging on for someone to finally leave so he can get inside. Once he slips in, Benji makes his way to Victor's floor, chest palpitating as his blood pressure threatens to cause an explosion of blood and guts. He arrives at the door; it stands there, glaring at him like a freshly installed headstone; he knocks.
For a long time, nothing happens.
But then, he hears some rustling on the opposite side of the door, and it swings open.
"Hello?"
"Oh, uh… Hey, Victor. Just the person I wanted to see."
Victor's face reddens a bit behind the frames of his glasses and he presses his lips together tightly into a line. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other and scratches the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact. And his normally neatly-styled hair is disheveled, curls standing in all directions. He steps aside from the doorway and motions for Benji to enter.
"Come on in," Victor says, and Benji does, kicking his shoes off in the doorway. "Can I get you something to drink? Also, I just made some pasta if you're hungry…"
Benji hesitates, wringing his hands. "No thanks, I'm fine. And I hope I'm not interrupting anything, I just haven't seen you in a while," Benji finally says as he sits down at the kitchen table.
"Sorry, I've just been… pretty busy lately," Victor says softly, taking a seat beside Benji but putting some distance between them.
Something in the pit of Benji's stomach drops, pummeling through the core of the earth and emerging on the other side, flying into the vacuum of space. He swallows, wanting to close the gap but knowing that it's there for a reason.
"That's the thing I wanted to ask you about, actually," Benji says, resting his forearms on the table and looking directly at Victor. His voice cracks even though he doesn't want it to when he says: "You've been lying to me about your bio labs. And you've been acting weird and I feel like I did something to make you want to avoid me."
Victor's Adam's apple bobs, but he doesn't deny any of it. The initial realization had been the dagger; Victor's response is the twist of the knife in his heart. Tears prick at the corners of Benji's eyes.
"Look, I… can explain," Victor says slowly, holding up his hands in front of him.
"I thought you were better than that," Benji snaps.
"I'm sorry. I know I fucked up," Victor sighs, running his palm down his face. "Just hear me out. Please."
"One can argue that I've already given you several chances but please. Enlighten me."
"Well, first off, it would be good to remember that we aren't dating, right?" Victor fires back, bristling. "So technically, I don't owe you an explanation. But I want to give you one anyway."
Benji tenses a bit. "Okay… You got me there, I guess."
"It's not you. You literally did nothing wrong, and you were just trying to be a good friend and reaching out to me and I appreciate that. But I think the talk we had with Andrew a few weeks ago… it kinda messed with me," Victor finally admits, body deflating. "I'm sorry I was being so evasive and telling you I've been having labs," he adds, reaching for Benji's hand.
"That's what this was about?" Benji asks, interlacing their fingers on the table. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
"I didn't want you to think I was being a jealous weirdo," Victor says, taking off his glasses and placing them on the table before passing his sleeve across his eyes. Benji's heart spasms in his ribcage and he wonders if his brain will continue signaling to his lungs to keep breathing, or if it'll just forget to do its job. "Like, I have no reason to expect that you two would do anything and it's none of my business but it was just… kinda shocking. I needed to process it, but you're right, we should have talked about it."
"God, I was convinced you weren't even capable of experiencing jealousy but now that I know that you are capable of it… I don't know, it's actually kinda sexy," Benji says with a sly grin as he sidles closer to Victor, their hips touching. He glances up at him through his eyelashes for a moment before cupping Victor's face.
Victor's face reddens again and he shakes his head, leaning down to kiss Benji gently on the lips. When they pull away, Victor brushes some of Benji's hair out of his field of view.
"Thank you for confronting me about this so I could finally get my head out of my ass," Victor says. "I miss spending time with you."
Benji chuckles, feeling his face heat up. "Just don't make it a habit… But I missed spending time with you, too. Maybe we should fix that?" he says, resting his head on Victor's shoulder for a moment, before he remembers the plan he and Lake made. "Um… by the way… did you maybe wanna hang out this weekend? Like… Saturday at… 2-ish? With Lake and Mia as well?"
Gazing down the hall, Victor scrunches his mouth to the side. "I don't know… I really do have a lot of work to do…"
Narrowing his eyes at him, Benji licks at his own teeth. "What did we literally just talk about?"
"Okay, okay. You're right. One day won't kill me."
"Cool, this is gonna be fun," Benji says, beaming, as he kisses Victor's cheek once more and giggles.
"Where are we going? I need to know what I should wear."
Panic coursing through his system, Benji jumps. "Uh… they didn't say where exactly but that we should dress up… semi-formal."
"Ohhh, so it's kinda fancy… Okay, I'll figure something out, then. Thanks," Victor says, returning a smile to Benji, and he can feel himself melting into the floor once again at the sight.
"I should leave you to your work, then, so you can get it done before Saturday," Benji says with a wink, as Victor slides out from beside him and allows for him to rise from his seat.
"Oh, you sweet summer child, the work of a bio major is neverending," Victor says dramatically, and Benji can't help but laugh.
"I'm older than you…" Benji says, rolling his eyes but grinning fondly nonetheless. "And just do enough that you won't have to be stressed about it when we're out, okay?" he adds, as he puts his shoes back on and stands in front of the door facing Victor.
"I know," Victor says, resting his hand on the wall beside Benji's head and leaning down to kiss him one final time. "See ya Saturday."
"Bye," Benji struggles to exhale.
Once he's out in the corridor, throat almost constricting to the point where he can barely breathe, Benji wonders if Victor, like a vampire, had just sucked all the air from his lungs, or if maybe, something more sinister is afoot. He gazes back at the closed door for a moment before he leaves, counting down the days, hours, minutes and seconds until Saturday arrives.