"So, wait… what did you tell him?" Mia asks from the couch, before popping a handful of popcorn between her lips and chewing.

The afternoon light pours in through the window of the living room in Mia's house, the trees off in the distance still and quiet, the road devoid of cars because it's the weekend.

"I… kinda... may or may not have thrown up before I could give him an answer," Benji says quickly, cringing as he shields his face with his hand..

Mia and Lake both make similar expressions and wrinkle their noses.

"Yep. It was bad. And I embarrassed myself not only in front of Victor but also like half of my classmates who all happened to be out that day for some reason," Benji rambles from the couch opposite Lake and Mia, leaning forward on his knees, head dropping like a bowling ball into his hands with a groan.

"Ouch. That sucks," Lake says, but her fae-like smile says otherwise.

"How the hell did you manage that? Are you really that stressed out?" Mia says through a mouthful of popcorn, words distorted.

"I… I don't know. I just sorta panicked," Benji says, resting his chin in his hands.

"Clearly," Lake says, bringing her legs off the floor and crossing them in front of her.

"Leave him alone, he's traumatized," Mia says, half-serious as she smacks Lake's arm gently.

"He'll be fine."

Benji's eyelids hang heavy on his face and he rolls his eyes.

"Anyways… Like, I went from thinking he was on a date with another guy to seeing him get down on one knee and… I think it was because it looked like he was gonna propose that I just like… lost it," Benji says, wiping the corner of his eye in his wrist.

"Oh my God," Lake gasps. "He's fucking crazy."

"Everything makes sense now," Mia sighs, smacking herself in the forehead. "He should think more about the optics of these sorts of things, honestly."

"But you would have said yes if it weren't for your little…" Lake says, pausing to gesture vaguely before continuing, "right?"

"I don't know, honestly," Benji says.

"You seemed so sure about everything a few weeks ago… and recently... B, you need to make up your mind," Mia says.

"Like, as Mia so eloquently put in her message, you guys already basically act like a married couple, you just need to get on with it," Lake snaps. "What the hell are you waiting for?"

"I feel like I've let my guard around him a little too much… and I care so much about what he thinks about me and making a good impression on him and just constantly being on my best behavior… it's—" Benji rambles, shoulders sagging.

"Tiring? Sounds like you're just making excuses again," Mia says, blunt.

"I'm not making excuses!"

"Okay, now you're just getting defensive," Lake says.

"Can you two stop psychoanalyzing me for one second, please?" Benji says with a loud exhale. "I'm not—"

"Look…" Mia says, holding her hand up to cut him off. "Relationships take work, just like anything. And trust, and vulnerability, too. But if you talk to each other it's not actually that hard," she explains, eating another handful of popcorn as her eyes shift to Lake, a small smile playing on her lips. "It's worth it."

"I understand all that. But I wasn't finished."

"Well, if you get it, then what's the problem?" Lake asks, as if she were pointing out that the sky is blue.

"I just… I just feel like I'll slip up at some point, you know? And he's gonna see who I really am and... not want me anymore," Benji says, voice progressively quieting, gaze resting on the coffee table where he'd placed his laptop, as if looking at another human being when he says the words would physically hurt him.

"We get it, you're scared to be vulnerable," Lake says, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, come on—" Mia says, but Lake plows on.

"Boo hoo, grow up."

"Okay, that's a little uncalled for, but fair," Benji grumbles.

"And I get that being around him is making you want to be better—which is a good thing, mind you—and maybe you're holding yourself to some impossibly high standards, but he also seems like a good guy who'll want to work with you and won't just abandon you when shit pops off."

"I guess that's true…" Benji mutters more to himself than anyone else.

"Yeah. Seriously, B. He wouldn't have stuck around so long if you weren't a good person," Mia says gently.

"Oh."

Something in Benji stirs with these words, and he stares down at his hands, those worthy, validated hands illuminated in gold. He swallows the lump in his throat, vindicated, in the single, simple fact that he's been avoiding, refusing to accept, all this time.

"Plus, like, you two met because you were hooking up, when you didn't care as much, so you can't tell me it was always 100% perfect smooth sailing. But he still wanted to see you after all the drama at the beginning," Lake says, breaking Benji from his thoughts.

"Lake… you're so perceptive," Mia says, stroking Lake's cheek and kissing her gently before turning to face Benji again. "Isn't that part of what being an artist is about, B? And I guess, a human…? Being vulnerable and... feeling? Just let yourself be loved, dammit."

"And don't forget to love yourself first!"

There's a pause and the remnants of the sound waves of their words peter out into silence, settling like sparkling dust around them. Benji closes his eyes.

"Shit, you guys are right," Benji says, throwing himself against the cushion on the back of the couch and letting his body slither down so that his head almost reaches the bottom as he stares out the window, grey sweater crop top riding up ever so slightly to expose more of his middle, body entirely boneless like a jellyfish discarded on the beach by the sea.

"We know," Lake and Mia say simultaneously, giggling and high-fiving each other with both hands.

"Okay… so I should probably talk to him…" Benji mutters, remaining in position as he reaches into his pocket and withdraws his phone. His eyes widen once he opens his inbox, the notification on the screen seeming to twinkle at him; he opens the unread message that had come yesterday.

"Hey, are you okay? ? Can we talk? ?￢ﾀﾝ It reads, and Benji's stomach pools with warmth as he chews on his upturning lips.

"What're you so happy about?" Lake asks him.

"Nothing, just… Vic's emojis are funny sometimes," Benji says with a chuckle.

"God, you're so right!"

"Yeah, sometimes he—"

But Benji doesn't hear the rest as he types a response, the world gently peeling away around him.

"Yeah I've actually never been better. Are you free now?￢ﾀﾝ

The "send" button barely leaves his fingertip when Victor replies.

"I'm glad to hear that?￢ﾝﾤ️ wanna come over?￢ﾀﾝ

Benji grins.

"Yeah gimme a few?￢ﾀﾝ

He slides his phone back into his pocket and rises slowly, stretching his arms as far as they'll go before he leans down and shoves his computer into his bag before zipping it up.

"Oh, you're leaving?" Mia asks, looking up from where Lake and her joined hands rest between them.

"Yeah, Vic and I are gonna hash this out once and for all. And who knows, maybe I'll get a boyfriend out of all this," Benji says, teeth glinting as he smiles.

"Good luck!" Lake says.

"Don't worry, you'll be fine," Mia says with a click of her tongue.

"Thanks. And thanks for the pep talk. Again," Benji says as he slips his arms into his jacket and zips it up before he pulls his bag on over it. "See ya," he says with a wave.

"Bye!" Mia and Lake say in unison as he disappears out the door.

He hurries back over to campus, the bottoms of his feet scraping against the sidewalk and grating against his eardrums because he'd forgotten to bring his headphones with him. But something about the rhythmic, repetitive noise soothes Benji's nerves, the calm before the storm.

Victor's building grows as he approaches but as soon as it does this, he takes a breath, and then it shrinks, all helium being slowly let out until it's a collapsed shell of itself, no more intimidating than a golden retriever.

Benji catches the door as someone enters, counting his steps and the seconds between inhales as he makes his way down the corridor. The door to Victor's room clamors toward him at light speed. He doesn't hesitate, knocking.

A quick scrambling on the opposite side startles him; he glances down the hallway, wondering if he should plan an escape, when Victor appears in the doorway, apron-clad, cheeks pink as he smiles down at him like a hearth.

"Hey, come on in," he says, stepping aside and motioning for Benji to enter.

"Hey…" Benji says, as he does and drops his bag gently to the floor.

They stand there for a moment, each fiddling with his hands and looking past the other, as if in a trance. Something seems to stand between them, invisible, blocking them from their usual greeting.

"Oh. Uh… are you hungry?" Victor says, breaking the silence, words a soft but quiet blade. "I was just doing a little experiment making seitan chicken nuggets and I think they might have come out okay this time," he says, giggling, as he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Uh… yeah, that actually sounds really nice, thanks," Benji says.

His stomach grumbles loud enough for Victor to hear and Victor frowns deeply.

They walk into the kitchen in silence and Victor opens the cupboard, pulling out a plate from within, the sound of porcelain clicking and scratching together the only thing that disturbs them, making Benji shiver. On the stove is a baking sheet with fresh nuggets splayed out across it and Benji's mouth waters as he looks at it, the scent of breading and garlic and spices seeping through him.

"How many do you want—ow," Victor asks, hissing and shaking his hand out before he grabs a pair of tongs.

"I'll take as many as you give me," Benji says before he chuckles, leaning against the table behind Victor. "Did you forget it was hot?" he teases.

"Maybe…" Victor admits, stacking on enough to cover the surface of the plate. "Is this enough?" he asks, twisting and presenting the food to Benji.

"That's perfect," Benji says as he wanders across the kitchen, rubbing soap on his hands and letting the lukewarm water from the tap run over them. "Thank you."

Victor sets the plate down on the table as Benji slides into his spot—the one right in the middle of the table, so his back faces the window. Benji waits for Victor to take some food for himself, untie his apron, and sit down before he takes one of the nuggets in his fingers and examines it.

"Do you want some ketchup or something?" Victor asks, glancing at Benji through the corner of his eyes, a full-on stare too much for the occasion; Benji wonders if he's glowing too brightly.

"Usually yes, but first I wanna see how they taste without it," Benji explains, before taking a bite and chewing, contemplative.

Holding his breath, Victor pokes at the contents of his own plate. "How is it?"

"I haven't had meat in a while," Benji says, pausing to wiggle his eyebrows and earning a nudge from Victor, "but if you hadn't told me they were vegan I wouldn't have been able to tell."

Smiling and pressing his lips together into a line for a moment, Victor's face splits and he then takes a bite of his own.

"Shit, you're right," he says, the entirety of his form seeming to broaden. "That's good."

"You'll have to make more, then, because I'm gonna ask you for them whenever I come over," Benji says; and suddenly the momentary levity crashes down like a chandelier during an earthquake.

Clearing his throat, Victor stares back down at his plate. Benji nibbles at another piece of nugget, before he sets it down, the appetite he had dissipating instantly.

"We should—"

"Victor, I—"

They both look up, and something pulls Benji across the bench; he slides closer to Victor, their knees touching.

"You first," Victor says, motioning to Benji, who points at himself as he makes a face.

"I wanted to talk about yesterday. I'm… sorry I freaked out on you like that. It was kinda embarrassing."

"Benji, it's okay," Victor says gently, taking his hand in his own.

"So you're not mad?"

"Well, I'll admit. At first I was a little hurt. But then I thought about it and I tried putting myself in your place and I realized that… well, first I probably came on too strong. And second, you were dealing with so much already—"

"Yeah, exactly. Exactly!" Benji says, beaming, his humiliation floating away from his mind. "It was a lot to process in the moment."

"Right? I can imagine. And I thought about… like, what I would have done, if I had seen you… kissing someone else. Hell, even how I reacted with Andrew—"

"I didn't wanna say it…" Benji muses, face heating up.

Rolling his eyes playfully, Victor kisses Benji's hand. "All I'm saying, Benji, is that I meant what I said. I wouldn't be able to stand it if I saw you with someone else, because I really like you. And I feel kinda stupid that it took me so long to realize that."

"God, don't even get me started on the conversation I just had with Lake and Mia…" Benji groans. "But… yeah. I really like you, too, Victor," he says.

Benji's gaze softens as his face continues to heat up, despite the coolness of the words on his tongue; they're ephemeral and can't be unsaid; but he doesn't want to take them back.

"Awesome," Victor breathes.

"I don't wanna keep denying it; I was gone for you as soon as you asked me about my fucking art history paper."

"Yeah? It was the cookies for me," Victor says, grin widening on his face; he looks as if he's rubbed his face against a brick.

"Jesus Christ, we were a fucking mess, weren't we."

Victor nods. "I can argue we still kinda are."

They sit there, smiling at each other like fools, hands joined on the table like the roots of a houseplant growing over the top of its vase and hanging down to the earth. Where Victor's flesh meets his own, their sweat mingling, Benji feels the gentle pulsating of his heart; he wonders whose is faster.

Taking a deep breath, Victor speaks again. "You don't have to give me a concrete response now, obviously, but just—"

"Yes."

Victor stops, closing his mouth, a blank expression on his face as he simply stares. "Huh?"

"You asked me yesterday on that bench if I would be your boyfriend. And I'm saying yes. Let's do it," Benji says, bright, voice low and even, a lake on a still day, even if the waters below the surface are tumultuous and choppy.

"Cool," Victor says, leaning forward a bit more. "Uh… can we kiss on it?"

"Of course, you absolute dork," Benji says, throwing his head back before he leans across the table and takes Victor's lips in his own.

The kiss is soft and sweet, not insistent like the others, more of a whisper against the side of a mountain than an avalanche. Herbs and salt and magic meander together in their mouths before they part, foreheads sticking together with hair as their irises flit to join between them through coy eyelashes.

"How did that feel… boyfriend?" Victor asks, a teasing lilt in his tone.

"Amazing… boyfriend," Benji replies, his teeth leaping out against his rosy features.

When they separate, reluctant, to return to their meal, their hands stay rooted in place on the table, and Benji can only watch with a bemused smirk as Victor eats clumsily with his left hand; but neither of them care.

"Hey… so you know how we're together now," Victor says, voice light and sing-songy.

"Mhm?" Benji says, watching as Victor lifts a nugget and holds it in front of his face.

"And you know how sometimes couples feed each other…"

Benji laughs, a loud, piercing noise that makes him clap his hand over his face.

"You're so cheesy," Benji says after a few seconds. "Fine, go ahead."

"Say 'ah'," Victor says, and Benji does as he asks.

"Ahhh."

Victor sticks the nugget into his mouth and Benji bites off half of it. They both erupt into a fit of snorts and giggles before Benji swallows and opens his mouth again for Victor to pop the other half in.

"Okay, your turn," Benji says once he's finished, picking up one of Victor's nuggets and holding it up to his face. "You know the drill."

Nodding, Victor slides as close to Benji as possible before he parts his lips and takes the entirety of the seitan nugget in his teeth, chomping on it, cheeks expanding like a hamster's as he covers his face with his hand and they both laugh like children who have discovered a new game on the playground for just the two of them to play.

They continue like this, taking turns feeding each other and each time, just like the first, they can't stop themselves from almost choking from their laughter.

Once they've finished, they clean up their plates and Victor washes them as Benji wipes the table of crumbs.

"Thank you… babe," Benji says, standing behind Victor and wrapping his arms around his middle; Victor jolts, but relaxes into the touch.

"I like how that sounds," Victor says as he sets the plate on the drying rack before he wipes his hands and turns in Benji's embrace, letting his palms rest on his hips. "What should I call you?"

"Okay… hear me out," Benji says, trailing hands from his back to Victor's chest and then finally up to his face, cupping it as he stares at the tiny bit of collarbone that peeks out from beneath the collar of his shirt. "I like it when you speak Spanish…"

"Ahh… so like, 'mi amor', 'cariño', 'mi—'... wait, no that one's way too intense."

"Which?"

"I was gonna say 'mi vida', but… I mean, hell, even 'mi amor' is pretty major, too. 'My life', 'my love', that sort of thing."

They're quiet as Benji mulls over this, turning Victor's words in his mind.

"It's up to you, but… I like those a lot, actually," Benji almost whispers.

"Yeah? You like it when I call you 'mi vida'?"

"Mhm," Benji says, pressing a kiss to Victor's lips as Victor pulls him closer by the waist.

"Mi vida," Victor says against Benji's lips, and he kisses him again.

"Again…" Benji whispers.

Victor's palms traverse down a few inches as he grips at Benji's ass, squeezing roughly as Benji presses up against him.

"Mi vida…" he says, kissing him a third time before he grabs the backs of Benji's thighs and lifts him off the ground.

Benji makes a little noise of surprise as Victor flips them around and sets him down on the counter, their faces still connected in the middle as Benji wraps his legs around Victor's waist, beckoning him closer.

Fingers tug at hair, teeth click together and tongues caress until they part for air, panting as Benji gazes down at Victor, the lust between them palpable.

But Benji swallows as he smiles and gently shoves Victor away with a press against the chest, kissing him softly as he slides back down to the floor.

"We should have some dessert," he says, clearing his throat and glancing around, spotting the bowl of fruit on the other end of the counter.

"Are you okay?" Victor asks. "I didn't do anything wrong, did I?"

"Oh, no. I'm fine. Just… not in the mood for anything else right now."

Victor nods, rubbing Benji's shoulder, and they smile fondly at each other as Benji washes two apples before taking the cutting board off the hook on the wall and setting the apples down on it. Benji then takes a plate from the cupboard, placing it on the counter as Victor leans beside him, observing quietly.

Benji hums as he cuts the apple into wedges, slicing away the parts of the core. Victor raises an eyebrow as he makes a little triangle on the skin, then peels the triangular strip away and sets the slice of apple on the plate face down so the two red points stand at attention.

"What does this remind you of?" Benji asks, amused, as he watches Victor's expression crinkle.

"Uhh…" Victor says, picking it up and putting it on his hand. "Kinda reminds me of sushi, like the kind you put on top of the rice like this," he says, motioning toward the apple as if he were putting a little hat on it.

Giggling, Benji shakes his head and cuts the second slice the same way. "Not exactly, but close. It comes from the same place, though. They're rabbits. See?" He says, tracing the little ears with his fingers as he holds it next to his face. "Cute, right? My mom had a coworker from Japan who would always cut fruit into little shapes and she started doing it, too, so I would eat healthier," he explains.

"Okay, that's actually adorable," Victor says, turning the slice so its 'face' looks at him. "Now I feel bad eating it," he adds, eyebrows pressing together and eyes watering.

"I don't," Benji says with a sly grin as he puts the wedge in his mouth and snaps it in half with a loud crunch as the tart sweetness gushes over his tongue. "Tastes better somehow."

Making a mock scandalized face, Victor lets his head drop to his shoulder beside Benji as he goes back to watching him slice the apples until the plate is stacked high with little red and pale yellow rabbits.

"Can I feed you again?" Victor asks, picking up a piece of apple from the plate and turning the front toward Benji.

"Actually, I have a better idea…" Benji says, taking the fruit from Victor's hand. "Let's play a game."

"Like… an eating game?"

"Not exactly. A kissing game," Benji says, wiggling his eyebrow.

Victor doesn't hesitate for a second. "Okay, I'm in."

"Wait, lemme cut this in half…" Benji mutters, slicing the piece down the middle, the snap of the knife against the board startling him; Victor makes a noise like a strangled bird in response.

"Why would you do that?" Victor hisses, close to tears.

"Uhh… because it was too much apple?" Benji chides. "Oh no, babe, are you crying over a slice of apple with bunny ears? Okay uh… remind me to never do that again."

"No, it's okay. I'm fine," Victor says, wiping his eyes.

"I can't believe I made my big, strong, future vet boyfriend cry just like that," Benji teases.

"Don't flatter yourself," Victor grumbles, shoving him with his shoulder.

"Hey, watch it, I have a knife!"

They burst into laughter again, falling against each other like clumps of snow from a branch as they calm down, realizing soon the proximity of their bodies, their faces so close to each other that their noses brush, like whispers in the mist.

"Okay, let's play this game," Benji says, holding the thin piece of apple in his hand. "Now, normally the goal is to get as close as possible without our lips touching, but, since we aren't babies…" he says, a catlike grin blooming as he puts the slice between his teeth.

"Ahh… sounds fun."

Victor leans forward, taking the other end of the slice and biting it, and Benji does the same. Another set of bites, and their faces move a millimeter closer.

And again. And again.

Until their noses press against cheeks and the ripe, fresh flavor of fruit overtakes both their mouths and mixes together like a dangerous, addictive cocktail, tongues tangling like ropes, wet and slow and sloppy.

When they part, feeling new all over again, smiles wide and faces flushed and tasting of youth and sweetness, crisp, Benji's heart flutters again, paper-thin but blossoming nonetheless.

Benji's face hurts as he eyes the plate of apples; he takes another slice and bites into it, glancing up at Victor through his eyelashes, and Victor does the same; they lean over the counter like that, crunching as the air hangs lightly around them and they giggle, stolen gazes and captured arcs of lips spurning them further into their own world as their shoulders mold together in quiet intimacy.

When they finish and clean up after themselves, they make their way to Victor's room. Benji insists on leaving their time together for another day, because Victor has exams to study for, but Victor won't hear it.

"I've been waiting too long for this," Victor says gently, pulling his covers aside and sliding into his bed, patting the spot beside him.

Slipping into Victor's arms and feeling protected, Benji bites his lip as Victor snakes limbs around his waist under the sheets, holding him like a treasure.

He can feel Victor's mouth etching itself against his neck and Benji's eyes flutter closed.

"How are you feeling, baby? Uh, I mean... mi vida?" Victor asks.

"Like I've opened a new and better chapter of my life."

"I'm glad," Victor says, stroking Benji's hair.

Victor's lying still against him, but Benji can feel the hardness against the back of his thigh.

"Is it okay if we just cuddle? I'm too full for anything else," Benji says, burrowing against Victor's chest and yawning.

"You don't have to have an excuse for not wanting to."

"I know. But in this case, I do."

Victor chuckles, breath tickling Benji's skin.

They lay like that for some time, breathing together as if their bodies had synced up, metronomic. Outside, the light has trickled away from the sky, leaving behind only blackness.

"Hey, are you still awake?" Victor whispers.

"Mhm."

"I was just thinking… that since we're now officially a couple, that means we get to go on like… dates and stuff together."

Benji's eyes open and he rolls around to face Victor, making the other jump.

"Are you asking me out?" Benji teases.

"Well… Valentine's Day is coming up, and you already planned my party for me so I wanted to be the one to plan something for our first real date," Victor says, raising a hand to stroke Benji's cheek with his thumb.

Pouting, Benji groans quietly. "Is this because I don't have any money?"

"Well… kinda, but also, I have a great idea already and I think you'll really enjoy it. Pretty please?"

"Fine. But it's only because you asked so nicely."

"Yessss!" Victor says, triumphant.

"It better be good because technically it's gonna be my first real date ever so you better deliver."

"That still sounds fake as fuck but don't worry. It's gonna be lit."

Benji rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless.

"I'm excited," he says, flipping over on his other side again, face flushed and warm, lips crooked as he laces his fingers through Victor's where they rest around his middle.

They awaken in the early morning with the birds, and Victor lends Benji a pair of sweats and a hoodie again, pupils sticking to all the places where Benji's form is enveloped by his own clothes, and Benji shoots him a mischievous look when he catches him staring every time.

Victor lies on his bed with his laptop on his stomach and Benji stretches himself across Victor's legs like a ferret as they study, pausing only to satisfy their urges brought on by a strip of exposed flesh and a brush in just the right place.

Another day of Victor shoving Benji's face into the headboard, and another noise complaint from the neighbor that both Victor and Benji blush through, dinner with Fee, and then more studying—and it feels exactly the same as it did.

The only difference has come from the words spoken between them, ones they can't remove from where they hang suspended in the middle of time and space. In reality, the world has changed for them, flipped on its head. But somehow, it's just right, everything as it should be, stacked in neat rows and stretching out before them as far as the eye can see.

When Benji kisses Victor goodbye, cradling his chin in his hands, his chest swells as something within him hatches anew, maybe for the first and final time.

He takes a deep breath, slipping hands into pockets, and disappears into the starry tapestry outside.