As Benji enters Victor's room, letting his bag slide off his shoulder and onto the floor, he peers out the opened window for a moment, exhaling gently as the early spring sunlight shines in along with the fresh air from outside. He perches himself on the edge of the bed like a sparrow on a blade of grass and chews on his lip for a moment.
"How did making your list go?" Victor asks as he sits down beside him so their legs touch.
"It was really fun. I actually ended up doing a little bit of research, too, and it kinda unleashed my creative energy a bit," Benji says with a chuckle.
"Oh, really?"
"Mhm. What did you come up with?" Benji asks, pulling out a folded up piece of paper from his pocket and dropping it in front of him as he pulls himself further on to the bed across from Victor.
"Well… my list of things to try ended up being kinda… long. But I'm hoping we have a good amount of overlap," Victor says, setting his list down between them, too.
"It's all good. We can try a bunch of stuff today if you're up for it and sorta play it by ear?"
"Ooo yeah, I'm definitely up for that."
"Cool… did you wanna swap first and we can compare?"
"Sure," Victor says, picking up Benji's list and unfolding it before peering down at the small, neat handwriting that had been ordered in a bulleted list.
Benji picks up Victor's list in turn, which had been scrawled almost illegibly across a piece of notebook paper in a combination of big, uneven and crooked letters.
"I knew you had to have some sort of flaw…" Benji mutters.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Victor says with a soft giggle.
"Your one flaw is your terrible but fitting doctor's handwriting… and also the fact that you're more versatile than me," Benji teases.
Victor crosses his legs and slides closer to Benji on the bed with a smile. "Okay, well, I also wasn't super hung up on the power exchange thing but I think I'm slowly changing my mind."
"In what sense?"
"I felt kinda bad about it at first because I was enjoying it but… the fact that you actually seem to enjoy it is kinda making me think more about it."
"You know I love to… receive," Benji says, wiggling his eyebrows.
"I've noticed," Victor says with a laugh. "And I can't wait to spoil you some more."
Benji smirks as he rests his hand on the bed and leans on it as his body warms.
"I mean, as long as you're willing… which it seems like you are, based on your list. Which is awesome, because I love when you take charge," Benji says, peering up at Victor through his eyelashes.
"Yeah, definitely. And it's... actually deceptively fun. Even though I've had a lot of sex, I've never really done anything kinkier than like… choking from time to time."
Benji tips his head to the side. "Y'know, now that you mention it, I never asked you what your body count is."
Humming, Victor grips his heels and leans back a bit as he stares at the ceiling for a moment, mouth scrunching to the side.
"I kinda lost count. I think it was something like… close to like, 150 or something," Victor finally says, scratching his forehead.
"Shit, Connor wasn't kidding…" Benji mutters.
"Who's Connor—oh, wait, that guy from the party. God, what a dick… I'm so glad I didn't sleep with him."
"Right, like, I'm not someone who hates other people, but he seriously sucks..."
"Yeah, but enough about that jerk…" Victor says, moving close enough to Benji on the bed that the tops of their knees touch. "What's yours?"
"Actually, mine is around the same, I think."
"But no one gives me shit about it."
"Yep..."
"Did you top any of them?"
Benji scoffs and blinks, then purses his lips for a moment. "I did a few times and I was waiting for it to become fun but it just… wasn't."
Victor rests a hand gently on Benji's leg as he nods. "I'm guessing it wasn't enough stimulation?"
"Well, partially that and partially because I like shutting my brain off when I can, because worrying isn't fun… or sexy. I guess a lot of it is psychological."
"Ah, I see," Victor says, before scrunching his mouth to the side in thought. "So you're basically a total bottom."
"I guess so. It's just more fun for me, and the orgasms are way better," Benji says with a shrug, eyebrows knitting together as he looks down at his hands. "You're not… disappointed, are you?"
"God no," Victor says, waving his hands in front of him quickly. "No, you're literally perfect, I could never. But if we're ever both in the mood to bottom… dildos exist," he says with a chuckle.
"I'm gonna ignore that pun."
"That was purely accidental, I swear," Victor says with a sly smile.
Benji can't stop the smile and the warmth that spreads over his face like the sun over the sand on a beach as Victor takes his hand and kisses it. He covers his mouth with his other palm.
"But I understand what you mean about the psychological aspect of it. Like, even though I might like bottoming from time to time, it's ultimately more satisfying for me to top."
"Oh."
"It can also depend on the person for me. There have been like a handful of guys I've switched with but honestly… it's not a necessity."
"That makes me feel a bit better but I also feel a little called out," Benji says, clicking his tongue. "So basically what you're telling me is that I'm really obvious."
"Kinda, yeah," Victor says with a laugh.
"Good…" Benji says, swatting Victor's arm, Benji giggles. "That explains why you never asked to switch with me…"
"Yeah that urge sorta goes out the window whenever I see you. I love the way you kinda… fall apart and beg for it," Victor says with a grin.
Shivering, Benji shifts in his seat as his eyes flutter closed and he licks his lips. "This is kinda turning me on," he says quietly.
"Well, there's more where that came from," Victor says with a dark chuckle. "I also love how your face looks when I'm inside you. It's probably one of my favorite things ever."
"Shit," Benji says, reaching out blindly to take Victor's hand and rest it between his legs as he hisses with pleasure.
"And I love the little noises you make when I pull your hair and pin your wrists down while I fuck you," Victor murmurs as he squeezes Benji through his pants. "And… I love what you're doing right now."
"Okay, fuck, hold on," Benji says quickly, removing Victor's hand from him. "I think if we continue this, I won't make it through any of our little kinky experiments."
"Sorry."
"No, don't apologize. But bring that energy, I love it," Benji says with a wink.
Clearing his throat, Victor scratches his head. "Where were we?"
"We were talking about preferences and stuff. And limits."
Victor nods. "Right, yeah, I get it. I was just curious about your reasoning, is all."
"Yeah, I'm pretty open to most things, just don't make me top."
"Don't worry, I'm not gonna make you do anything you don't wanna do."
"I know. I guess I just... don't want you to get tired of me," Benji says with a mischievous smile even as he averts his gaze.
"Honestly, I think we have enough stuff here to keep us busy for a while," Victor says with a fond smile, reaching out and resting a hand on Benji's cheek before he lets it roam down his face and to the side of his neck. "And also, I could never get tired of you," he adds, his voice gentle but suddenly becoming serious, earnest.
A pang strikes Benji's chest and he's suddenly warm all over, not in the way that causes a rush, a scorching wildfire that fills the cavity of his rib cage to the brim, but rather, a roil like magma seeping out of a shield volcano, viscous and slow. He swallows.
"I could never tire of you, either," Benji can't stop himself from saying, just above a whisper as their eyes connect, and Victor's hand twitches against his warm skin for a moment before he pulls it away along with his gaze like sap from a pine tree.
Benji clears his throat before glancing down at the page again. "Lucky for you, I brought some of my toys with me and may or may not have 'borrowed' some rope from the art building."
"You really have no shame," Victor says with a sigh as he gives Benji a peck on the lips.
"What? It's nobody's business what's in my bag," Benji says with a shrug as he opens his messenger bag and pulls out two balled up rolls of black rope and tosses them to Victor. "And why should I be ashamed of what I like?"
Victor catches each roll with ease and runs his fingers along the even yet scratchy surface.
"Good point. So, uh… what kinds of toys do you have?" he asks with a sly look, eyes narrowing.
"Well, I don't have a whole lot, because money, and I'm not gonna buy a bunch of cheap shit since I have standards," Benji explains, taking out a black cloth bag and setting it on the bed.
"We love that for you, being all responsible," Victor says, eyeing the bag as Benji opens it and begins to unpack.
"I don't want us getting infections or heavy metal poisoning."
"True," Victor concedes, bobbing his head.
"But yeah, It's mostly just… some dildos," Benji says, laying them out on the bed, a mix of realistic ones and more abstract ones and all in different sizes, "my favorite thing, of course," he adds with a wink as he sets down the vibrator, "and some butt plugs," he says, as he places a pile of them, also in different sizes, in front of Victor and punctuates his sentence with a gesture of his hands.
"Et voila," Benji says with an air of finality.
"That looks cute," Victor says, pointing to a steel plug with a grey tail attached to it.
"Oh, yeah. Another one of my favorites," Benji says with a grin. "Did you wanna try one of them out?"
Victor taps his lips with his pointer finger as he searches the pile of toys with his pupils.
"I'm not looking for anything too wild," he says, taking one of the simple medium black plugs and examining it.
"I think I'll take this one, then," Benji says, picking up the tail plug. His body shivers as if struck by electricity and water all at once. "Did you want me to put yours in or can you handle it yourself?"
"See, on one hand, I know how to put things in my own ass," Victor says, his visage a deep mix of red and brown. "But on the other hand… it's been a while so I don't know if I even remember how."
"Well, it's kinda like ri—"
"Don't say it's like riding a bike."
Benji rolls his eyes. "Well, it kinda is."
"Okay, so… in the spirit of trust and me loosening up…" Victor breathes, peeling his shirt off before doing the same with his pants. "How about you put mine in and I'll put yours in?"
"Yeah, I'm down," Benji says with a smile, giving Victor a soft kiss before he follows suit.
Victor hums as he lies down in only his underwear, resting his head on his pillow and watching as Benji pulls out a bottle of lube and sits between Victor's legs. Benji gazes down at Victor, his heart corralling his blood through his veins so fast that it radiates in his ears.
"Can I take these off?" Benji asks, gripping the waistband of Victor's underwear.
"Go for it. And my safeword is… 'Tatooine'."
"You're a fucking nerd," Benji says with a laugh.
"Well, so are you if you understand the reference."
There's a pause and Benji opens and closes his mouth before he pouts for a moment. "You were the one who made me watch Star Wars with you," he finally says.
"I didn't make you, I suggested it and you said, and I quote: 'Lemme see what all the hype is about.'"
Rolling his eyes, Benji shakes his head with a smile.
"Okay, fine. You win," he says, holding his hands up in surrender. "I did think the little green thing was cute though, for the record."
"Yeah, I know, but this conversation is kinda, uh… making me lose my boner."
"Right…"
Benji swallows before he tugs Victor's boxer briefs down, watching as his erection flops against his stomach and all Benji can do is eye it hungrily before he clears his throat. He uncaps the bottle of lube, squirting a generous amount all over the plug.
"That's… a lot of lube," Victor says, eyebrow raised.
"Why do you sound so surprised? I don't want it to hurt," Benji says, setting the lube aside and resting his hand on Victor's knee.
"Hmm… you got me there."
"Are you emotionally and psychologically prepared for this?"
"Yeah, but come here so I can kiss you," Victor says, opening his arms so Benji can slot himself against his chest.
"Okay," Benji says with a chuckle before he leans down and joins their lips as his heart blooms like spring magnolias in his chest.
For a moment, all Benji can sense is Victor gripping at his back, engulfing him, his cologne filling his nostrils and intoxicating him, focus slipping away like sands through an hourglass until they've all accumulated at the bottom, leaving his head empty. Their cocks rub against each other and the friction makes them both gasp into each other's mouths.
"You can put it in now," Victor whispers against Benji's lips as he brushes his hair away from his face.
"Oh, yeah, right," Benji says, feeling around until Victor spreads his legs a bit further and Benji glances down as he presses gently against Victor's hole. "I'm gonna need you to relax… And tell me if it hurts or just safeword me so I can stop."
Victor kisses him again and Benji almost loses his senses again as Victor becomes pliant against him as he slowly presses into him. With a soft moan that hitches in his throat, Victor takes the last of it until finally, it's in place.
"That's it?" Victor asks, blinking as he shifts a bit under Benji's weight. "Hmm… It feels… interesting. But I'm not sure if I like it or not yet."
"Yeah, it's definitely not the same as a dick, but still fun," Benji says, lying down next to him with a grin as their stares connect. "My turn."
"Alright," Victor says, propping himself up on his elbows before he sits up and Benji slides into the place where he had been. "Yeah, I feel it now. Mm… kinda nice."
When Victor sets himself between Benji's legs, Benji smirks as he crosses his ankles behind him and pulls him closer. He stares up at Victor, showing his teeth, as Victor takes the steel tail plug from the bed and douses it in lube.
"Ready?" Victor asks as he leans down while Benji wraps his arms around Victor's middle.
Benji nods and cranes up to kiss Victor as he reaches between them, taking his time as he presses the plug into Benji's hole. It's cold against his skin and Benji shivers as he clutches at Victor, latching onto him like a sloth on a branch as he loses himself in the sensation while Victor fills him up slowly.
"How's that?" Victor asks once the plug has been inserted all the way.
"It's good. I appreciate you being so patient," Benji says, unlatching himself from Victor and glancing down to where their erections rub against each other as the tail tickles the inside of his thigh. "I don't know how long we're gonna last with this, though."
Victor sits back on his feet, pensive. "Yeah…"
"I tried some stuff on myself but I'm gonna need to show you how to do it…" Benji says, maneuvering himself around Victor and hopping off the edge of the bed; with each movement, he's hyper-conscious of a foreign sensation between his legs that adds to the heat of his arousal.
Benji's gaze catches on one of the many candles Victor had placed around his room and he strokes his chin. He reaches out to pick one of them up, bringing it to his nose and inhaling the scent of bergamot and spice, just as something tugs at the tail dangling behind him and he yelps, a shiver jolting up the nerves of his spine as if someone had just poured a bucket of ice water over him.
"Ah," he sighs, whipping around to see Victor grinning up at him mischievously, the tip of the tail still between his fingers.
"Does that feel good?"
"Yeah, actually…" Benji says, swaying his hips. "Do it again."
Victor pulls at it again and it makes Benji's insides stir; he presses his lips together into a line between his teeth and groans.
He glances over his shoulder as Victor rises from the bed to stand behind him, gasping quietly to himself. His hands find Benji's back, slowly tracing their way down to his backside before Victor cups his ass, kneading it with his digits as Benji presses himself up against him and clenches every muscle inside him just as Victor plants a smack on his ass; Benji can't stop himself from smirking as a groan drops from his throat.
"Whatcha looking at?" Victor murmurs, resting his chin on Benji's shoulder.
Benji chuckles as he flips the candle over and reads the ingredients. "What's the chemical candles are supposed to be made out of if you wanna use them for wax play?" he asks.
"Soy," Victor says, wrapping an arm around Benji's middle; Benji sighs as he feels Victor's dick poking against him. "Or… paraffin, I think."
"Oh, well… we can't use these, then. Do you have anything that isn't scented?"
"Unfortunately, no. I didn't think we were gonna be experimenting with kink when I bought these," Victor teases, poking Benji in the cheek.
"Then maybe we should get some…" Benji suggests, setting the candle back down on the cabinet where he'd found it.
"I'm starting to realize that there's a lot of prep work and stuff to consider in all this."
"Yeah, but it's supposed to be more fun," Benji says with a shrug. "We can do stuff with wax some other time when we have the right equipment and… won't make a mess."
"We can still light them just for the ambience," Victor says, picking up the lighter from the cabinet and bringing it to the wick of the candle; Benji watches the flame grow as Victor presses a kiss against his neck and he leans back into him again.
"Okay, you do this, and maybe I should find us a tutorial…" Benji says, kissing Victor on the cheek before he slips out of his arms. "Can I borrow your computer?"
"Of course," Victor says absently as he gazes at the floating orange dots. "I told you the password, right?"
"'PilarFuckOff' is not as secure as you think it is," Benji says, kneeling on Victor's bed and opening his computer as he shudders at the sensation that crawls up his back. He types in the password and opens the browser to search.
Victor continues lighting the candles before he giggles, then puts the lighter back and plops down on the bed behind Benji. Glancing over his shoulder, Benji raises an eyebrow as Victor picks up one of the rolls of rope and throws it into the air before catching it; he does this again and again, metronomic, like the push and pull of the tides, as he stares, unblinking, at the uneven ceiling. Benji returns his gaze to the laptop with a sigh.
"So, what's the plan, B?" Victor asks, catching the ball of rope before rolling onto his side and propping himself on his elbow as he turns his gaze to his laptop.
"Well, maybe we should talk about why your top ten searches all have to do with either… surprisingly freaky porn or rabies," Benji teases.
"Hey!" Victor almost shouts, face flushing as he sits up and reaches out to grab his computer. "That's 'cause I was doing research for my list—"
"Don't you know how to use incognito mode?"
Opening and closing his mouth, Victor presses his lips into a line. He nods.
"But you don't use it," Benji says, the corner of his lip twitching. "I'm not judging, I'm just curious," he says with a soft chuckle.
"I don't usually expect other people to use my computer," Victor says with a shrug. "Also I just can't be bothered, it's too much effort."
"Okay, fair," Benji says, returning his attention to the computer; he leans over the keyboard and types. "I saw that you looked this up, and since you said you were interested in trying shibari… wanna give it a go now?" he asks, turning the screen to Victor and clearing his throat as he scoots aside. On the screen is a diagram of a person tying a rope harness around their torso. "Because I found this tutorial..."
Grabbing his glasses from the nightstand, Victor slides them on before he peers closer to the computer. "That looks hella complicated."
"It just looks scary but it's actually not. I can already see how it works," Benji explains, taking the rope from Victor's hand and unfurling it. "I can do it on you first to show you how it's supposed to go, if you want."
"That would definitely help since, you know I'm… spatially inept."
"It's okay, I'll try to make it as comprehensive as possible," Benji says, glancing at the computer.
"First we need our handy dandy scissors…" Victor says, reaching into his nightstand and pulling out a pair of scissors. He sets them down on top of the nightstand. "Just in case."
"Right, I can't believe I forgot," Benji says, clicking his tongue and tapping himself on the forehead.
"I hope this doesn't take too long because honestly… I've been wanting to smash since you got here."
Benji chuckles, finding the middle point of the rope and folding it in half before he makes a knot a few inches down.
"It should be quick if you're patient. Here," Benji says, draping the knotted section of the rope over Victor's head. "You're not claustrophobic or anything, right?"
"Nah, I'll be fine," Victor says, glancing down as Benji makes another knot right below his collarbone. "Although once we get into limb territory, uh… that might be a different story."
"Okay, cool. But I'm gonna need you to tell me if anything hurts or starts… tingling," Benji says, making a series of knots a few inches apart down Victor's torso.
"I know, I know."
They fall into contemplative silence as Benji completes the series of knots before pulling the rope between Victor's legs and up through the loop behind his neck. He hums as he separates the two pieces of rope and brings them both forward under Victor's arms and loops them both through the space between the top-most knots before crossing the rope and pulling it to the back again, leaving the diamond-shaped opening between Victor's pectoral muscles.
"How is it?" Benji asks as he repeats the motion, bringing the rope around underneath Victor's nipples.
"I can see how it would be relaxing," Victor replies, all the while studying Benji's movements.
"Not too tight?"
"Nope, it's just right. You seem like you have a knack for this."
"I just practiced a little so I could understand the pressure and stuff," Benji says with a shrug as he bites his lip to suppress his smile. "This is gonna look really cool, though… Would it be okay if I drew you?"
Victor breathe-laughs as Benji continues lower, bringing the rope around his abdomen.
"Would you have energy to do that after?" he finally says, reaching up to brush aside a loose lock that had fallen into Benji's eyes.
Benji pouts as he shifts his body behind Victor, tying a final knot just above Victor's tailbone before sitting back in his original spot in front of Victor, resting a hand on his shoulder and pressing him a bit to the side so he can admire his work.
"I'll be tired later," Benji says, giving Victor the best impression of a puppy he can muster. "You always wear me out."
"All right, fine. The wait better be worth it," Victor mutters.
"Not much longer now because you're all done."
"Oh. That was fast," Victor says, picking up the other roll of rope. "I guess it's your turn."
"Can you manage on your own?"
"I think so," Victor says, imitating the way Benji had folded the rope and knotted it. He then puts it over Benji's head, before he glances to the laptop again. "Also, side note, it feels like everything is rubbing me everywhere, which makes it even harder to focus."
Benji chuckles as Victor returns to his work, making uneven knots down the front of Benji's torso before bringing it between his legs, too.
"What do I do now?" Victor asks, peering at the computer again. "Oh, wait, I got it."
"I already kinda see what you mean," Benji says, shifting in his seat with a shiver as the rope tightens against his spine and rubs between his legs, digging into his flesh and making any coherent thought he had vacate his mind. "Maybe loosen it a bit," he breathes.
"Sorry," Victor says, doing as Benji asks and letting the rope give a bit before he brings it back around through the knots on Benji's chest.
"Don't forget to sorta… criss cross the rope here when you bring it through," Benji says, pointing to his chest. "That way it'll naturally let you bring it down lower. And then just tie it in the back," he explains.
"Ah. Okay. I see what you mean," Victor says with a nod, pausing for a moment before he pulls the rope around and ties it once before bringing it forward.
Benji closes his eyes, body sloughing off its worries like an exoskeleton, and lets Victor work, each slide of rope and hands across his skin pushing him even closer to the edge. Victor's touches are gentle but firm and despite the occasional muttering under his breath, he moves with control, taking care to ensure the tension in the rope is just right.
"I think that's it," Victor says quietly, tugging at the ends of the rope. "How do I tie this off?"
"You can just do a regular double-knot," Benji says, opening his eyes and examining himself. "It's kinda crooked," he says, adjusting the lopsided diamond in the middle of his chest. "Eh, it's fine. Not bad."
"I'll get better, I just need practice," Victor says with a shrug and a scratch of the back of his head.
Rising from the bed, Benji pads across the floor to the mirror, every movement raising goosebumps across the surface of his flesh. He peers at himself and runs his fingers up the rope acting as a harness, turning around and looking over his shoulder as he shoves his hair from his face.
"Yeah, you look hot, what's new," Victor says with a laugh as he rests his hands down on the bed behind him and leans back, making a show of raking his pupils up and down Benji's form slowly as he smirks, baring his teeth.
"You look hotter because I didn't fuck up when I was tying you up," Benji says, sticking out his tongue; Victor picks up a pillow and chucks it in his direction and Benji giggles as he dodges his attack.
"Hey, I tried!" Victor says with a pout.
"I'm kidding. I actually like it, it has character," Benji says with a wink.
"Thank you…" Victor says, rolling his eyes as he smiles fondly. "But please, B, hurry up and draw me like one of your French boys so I can finally fuck you because if I'm being honest, my dick is starting to hurt."
"So impatient…" Benji says, clicking his tongue as he pulls out his sketchbook from his bag, along with some charcoal, as he kneels on the bed again. "Maybe one day we can wear these under our clothes," he says with a mischievous grin.
"That does sound fun," Victor says, putting a pillow behind his back as he sits up and against the wall. "Okay, so how do you want me to pose for you?"
"However you feel most comfortable, because you're sexiest when you're, like… actually relaxed."
Victor glares at him as he draws one of his knees to his chest, resting his arm across it and letting it dangle as he jiggles his fingers absently, then stares off out the window at the sky, where the sun is on its descent.
Benji taps the charcoal against his lip for a moment before he brings it to the page, making short strokes as he outlines Victor's seated form, before he fills in the details of his face and pays special attention to the rope, darkening it before shading the areas where it digs into Victor's skin. The gentle scratching of black carbon provides a peaceful melody for them; Benji smiles as he watches Victor's jaw slacken, hand still twitching almost imperceptibly.
Holding back a gentle groan as his arms brush against his own rope harness, Benji tries his best once again to focus on everything but the pleasant pressure around him and the way he unconsciously tenses all his muscles when he shifts position.
He works quickly and in a few minutes, Benji has a full sketch of Victor that he adds finishing touches to—a lock of hair next to an ear, a shadow cast across a thigh—before he lets out a satisfied sigh and turns the sketchbook to Victor as he slips his charcoal back into his bag.
"You look so good," Benji says, eyebrows knitting together. "I just needed to get this on paper because, wow…"
"Thanks…"
With a soft smile, Victor takes the sketchbook in his hands, cradling it like a newborn kitten as he brings it closer to his nose. He pulls his glasses off and sets them down as he gazes at the drawing, narrowing his eyes.
"Oh, come on, you definitely took some liberties with this. I don't look this hot in real life," Victor says modestly, face flushing.
"What are you talking about? Do you doubt my artistic abilities?" Benji asks, feigning offense as he covers his mouth with tops of his fingers.
"N-no, it's just… my muscles and my… dick… look awesome," Victor says, scrunching his face.
"That's why they call it realism," Benji says, looking at the ceiling as his own cheeks warm.
"Uh huh, sure…" Victor says with a chuckle as he closes Benji's sketchbook and sets the drawing down on his nightstand gently before he slips two fingers through the topmost diamond-shaped loop of Benji's rope harness and draws him into a kiss.
Benji grins against Victor's mouth as he slots himself between Victor's legs, their rope-clad chests pressing together, the knots catching against each other, as Benji slides his palms up Victor's shoulders and lets them rest gently against the base of his neck as Victor's tongue slips inside his mouth. Victor wraps his arms around Benji's back and pulls him closer for a moment before he pulls away.
"Hold on…" Victor says softly.
"You okay?"
"I was just thinking, and I know you mentioned how you wanna be able to relax and not worry, but…" Victor says, running his fingers down the rope on Benji's back. "How comfortable would you be with choking me?" he asks.
Eyes wavering, Benji holds Victor's stare for a moment. He swallows, chewing on the inside of his cheek.
"I mean, I don't really know how, since I've never actually done it to anyone before."
"I know you listed it as a soft limit… but if I showed you how, would you want to try? Or do you wanna make it a hard limit?"
"I would feel less like I could accidentally kill you if you taught me how to do it properly," Benji replies after a moment as he scratches his forehead and slides a bit away from Victor. "I'm not entirely opposed to the idea, I just need to know exactly what to do."
"So it looks like it's time for a little anatomy lesson, then," Victor says, picking up his laptop and typing quickly.
Benji looks him up and down with a smirk. "Okay, you have my full attention."
"Not that kind," Victor says with a light chuckle. "It's important to know some things when you're trying to choke someone," he explains.
Nodding, Benji sits up straight, focus swaying as the rope rubs him externally and the plug shifts inside him when he crosses his legs. Victor moves closer to him on the bed.
"I'm listening… Professor," Benji says.
Victor smiles, pressing his lips together tightly before his mouth scrunches to the side. "Side note, remind me to add 'being called Professor' to my list of kinks."
Rolling his eyes, Benji's face warms. Victor glances down at his laptop again and picks it up, raising it to Benji's face.
"Anyway… this is the carotid artery," Victor says, pointing to the diagram in the picture on his computer. "As you can see, it splits off to both sides of the neck. That's what we're trying to target here. What we don't want to do is bother the trachea, because that can get damaged easily," he adds, pointing to it on the image.
Peering at the diagram, Benji commits it to memory.
"Ah, I see," he says, nodding decisively.
"Can I show you on yourself?" Victor asks, motioning in Benji's direction.
"Yeah, go ahead."
Victor reaches out, resting his fingers right under Benji's ears, feeling around on the flesh before he takes Benji's hand in his own and brings it up to where his own digits had been a moment ago. Benji furrows his brows as he touches the flesh there.
"It's kinda hard to feel but it's in this area," Victor says, drawing stripes down each side of his own neck to illustrate his point.
"I think I get it," Benji says with another nod.
"Now I'll show you what it's like on me," Victor says, taking Benji's hand to his own neck and resting it at the aforementioned points. "Your hands are kinda small though so you might need to use both."
Benji pouts as Victor takes his other hand and puts it on the outside of his neck. The way Victor's pulse quickens under his touch makes Benji's breath hitch in his own throat. He meets Victor's pupils with his own and swallows when Victor smiles at him, so full of warmth; Benji's hand twitches and he hesitates.
"I still don't know if I can do this," Benji mutters.
"It's okay. I know it's stressful," Victor says gently. "But the goal isn't to crush my windpipe or actually hurt me, right?"
"Yeah."
"Just squeeze the artery gently for a few seconds. I'll show you how but if you don't want to do it, I get it. You're always allowed to opt out and say no."
Benji bites his lip and nods.
"I mean... I know you're only telling me all this because you trust me," he says.
"Yeah, exactly. I never let anyone else try it on me because I know it's a lot to handle. I've never trusted anyone like I trust you," Victor says, face going solemn and opening the way it always does when Benji knows he wants him to see just how serious he is about his own words.
And Benji can't help the way his lip curls up upon hearing those words and his hands seem to respond in kind, erupting with electricity against Victor's flesh even as they hover there just on the surface like asteroids in the earth's atmosphere.
"Show me," Benji says.
"So you know how I do it to you, where it's just on the sides?" Victor asks, holding Benji's neck again.
"Uh huh…"
"It's more about the illusion that you're using a lot more force than you actually are."
"Ah. That makes sense."
"I'm gonna press down now and if you're comfortable with it, try doing it the same way, just don't press straight down on the trachea and keep looking at my eyes when you do it so you can see that I'm not passing out, okay? I'll tap your hand three times if I want you to stop."
"Okay."
Victor hums as he looks him in the eye and gently closes his hand around Benji's throat, keeping the pressure in the peripheral areas just as he'd explained. Benji's head swims, fog descending over him and darkness creeping into the edges of his vision for a few seconds before Victor releases him from his hold and he breathes, taking in oxygen and adrenaline that bombards him like an avalanche all at once as his heart races and he gasps softly.
"Do you see what I mean?" Victor asks.
"Yeah…" Benji says, still reeling; he pauses, looking at his hands before he says: "I'm gonna try now."
"Are you sure?"
"I mean my hands are already around your neck, so I may as well," Benji teases. "But seriously. Yes. I think I got it."
"Okay. Ready when you are," Victor says gently, stroking Benji's thigh in an attempt to soothe his nerves.
Benji swallows, taking a deep breath before he presses his fingers down slowly, staring into Victor's eyes, just as Victor smiles and raises his hands to rest on the backs of Benji's, holding them down for a moment before he pulls both their hands away.
Victor inhales through his nose as Benji watches him, their hands joined between them like chain links in a fence.
"Can you handle that?" Victor asks.
"I think so," Benji says with a nod as he crawls across the bed and onto Victor's lap.
It's quiet between them for a moment as Benji raises his palm to Victor's cheek, eyes drifting to his lips once he notices the way their noses ghost against each other. Victor's arm snakes around his back, drawing him close, and Benji can't stop himself from bridging the gap between them.
He shoves Victor back onto the pillow before he straddles him, not breaking the bridge between them as he presses Victor into the bed, overcome with the urge to kiss the life out of him as their bodies rub against each other, sending a spark like a match on the side of its box up through Benji's insides. If he waits any longer, the arousal sitting like oil in his veins will make him combust.
Victor moans into his mouth as they pull apart finally, panting, while Benji gazes down at Victor's dark eyes as his hands wander down to Benji's lower back and then slowly to his ass, before he squeezes it firmly and uses his other hand to toy with the plug nestled between Benji's cheeks, making Benji bite back a groan.
"Maybe I should tie your hands up so you keep them to yourself," Benji teases as his mouth falls open and his eyelids flutter closed.
For a moment, Victor says nothing, movements ceasing immediately.
"Do it."
"Huh?" Benji says, eyes snapping open again.
"You heard me. Tie my hands up. And while you're at it, blindfold me, too," Victor says decisively, smirking up at Benji.
"O-okay…" Benji says with a shudder. "Yes, sir, I'm on it," he says as he digs through his bag and produces a smaller bundle of rope and a blindfold. "I can do this bit without a tutorial."
Victor raises his hands over his head, tapping his fingers absently and watching as Benji binds his wrists, wrapping the rope in a column knot to distribute the tension, before curling it twice in the space between his limbs to ensure it's not too loose. Finally, Benji ties the blindfold around Victor's eyes before he returns to bed, climbing back on top of Victor's form.
"How do you feel?" Benji asks, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Victor's neck.
"I can't tell," Victor says after a moment, shifting against the rope and frowning. "But I can tell you right away that I hate being blindfolded. Take it off. Please."
"Yep, I got you," Benji says, untying the blindfold quickly and tossing it aside. "Better?"
"For now I think… I'm good," Victor says, and Benji leans down to kiss him gently. "Also your uh… tail is tickling me."
Benji chuckles as he reaches behind himself and grips the base of the plug before he leans on his elbow, resting on Victor's sternum, and relaxes his muscles as he pulls the steel plug out of himself with a small pop. He sets it aside.
"Is that better?" Benji asks.
"Much," Victor says, his dick and fingers twitching as he watches Benji. "But what I really want is to cum. Inside you, preferably."
"Hold on a second," Benji says, chuckling and rolling his eyes as he uncaps the bottle of lube; he pours a liberal amount on Victor's cock and strokes him quickly before he pauses, grinning wickedly, and turns around.
"Fuck, are you serious…?" Victor mutters.
With a giggle, Benji positions himself right above Victor's erection and sinks down onto it, head falling back as he moans and takes all of Victor into his hole in one go. He rolls his hips a few times, the sensation of Victor filling him up and hitting the spot inside him making him shudder like a leafy tree during a storm.
Glancing over his shoulder, Benji lifts himself up again, making a show of spreading his cheeks apart as he slams himself down, making both him and Victor groan in unison.
"Untie me," Victor says all of a sudden, voice straining; his face is red, the veins in his neck bulging as he struggles against his restraints.
"Hm? Oh. Right," Benji says quickly, turning around and doing as Victor asked.
As soon as Victor's free from his restraints, Benji blinks, and all of a sudden, his side collides with the mattress and Victor's hand digs into the underside of his thigh as he pushes it into Benji's chest, the knots on his chest creating craters on his skin in the most pleasurable way as Victor holds him down and slips his cock repeatedly inside him.
All Benji can do is throw his head back and press himself up against Victor's deep, powerful thrusts as he puts every ounce of frustration into each movement, the sound of skin slapping against skin mixing with their noises of pleasure. Throwing his head back against the sheets, Benji grabs Victor by the face and connects their lips, melting like putty against him as Victor penetrates him with his tongue, too, and Benji can only swallow his moans.
Victor pulls away and looks into Benji's eyes as he slows down his thrusts, gritting his teeth as he reaches between Benji's legs and squeezes his balls before he strokes him almost painfully slowly, his hand like a leaden vice around him.
"God, you're such a fucking tease, B, you know that?" Victor growls and Benji shivers again.
Benji doesn't have it in him to deny it, nodding as he brings his hands down to the sides of Victor's neck.
"Are you gonna punish me?" he asks, peering up at him through his eyelashes.
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Victor says, pulling out and sliding back inside and making Benji clench around him.
"I… mm… would, very much."
"Not today," Victor breathes, speeding up his pace a bit as he brings his hand to wrap around Benji's throat.
Benji says nothing, the muscles in his arms slackening into pudding as Victor fucks him, his brain refusing to cooperate. Victor chuckles as Benji becomes a moaning disaster in his arms.
"And one more thing… don't you ever," Victor says, punctuating the last word with a thrust, "tie me up again."
"Yes yes, whatever… fuck... you say," Benji babbles, eyes rolling back in his head.
"Good boy," Victor whispers in his ear, tugging at Benji's hair and making him hiss in pleasure. "I hate… mm… not being able to touch you."
Victor slides in and out of Benji's hole even faster, reaching up to grip at Benji's hands.
"I'm gonna cum…" Victor mutters, pressing down on the sides of Benji's neck. "Choke me, baby."
"Ah… okay…" Benji sighs, using the remaining strength in his hands and doing as Victor asks, holding his fingers down for a moment before releasing just as Victor shoots his load, warming Benji's insides and filling him with his sperm.
Benji's head floats outside his body as the wave of orgasm crashes over him, too, hitting him so hard he feels like he's drowning, heart racing so fast the muscle fibers threaten to split down to their subatomic particles and the world goes quiet and black as he shudders underneath Victor, sweat and cum leaking all over him.
With a sigh, Victor lies down beside Benji, drawing him closer as Benji holds his breath for a moment in an attempt to even his breathing. His limbs anchor him to the bed and all he can focus on is the gentle brushing of Victor's hand over his hair, the soothing sensation making him feel even closer to Victor than ever before, as if each stroke is another stitch in the tapestry of their souls.
He uses the last of his energy to slide his head onto Victor's chest, letting his hand hang off from his middle, fingers dangling over the edge of the bed.
"All good?" Victor asks after a long moment of silence between them.
"Yeah. I… Yeah. That was fun and… intense as fuck. Again."
"I see why people like it," Victor says, tightening his hold on Benji's back ever so slightly. "But also I was uh… serious when I said I don't wanna be restrained. These rope harnesses are cool but I think being sorta… forced to stay in place gives me anxiety."
Lifting himself up and gazing down at Victor, Benji strokes Victor's cheek as his eyebrows knit together in concern. "Are you okay?"
"Oh, yeah. Definitely. It helps that I have an attentive and respectful partner," Victor says with a side-ways smile.
Benji's chest clenches but he smiles nonetheless as he draws absent shapes in the spaces between the ropes on Victor's chest. "Yeah, I mean… we're dealing with some serious stuff so we have to be."
"True…" Victor says, feeling around on the nightstand and picking up his list, along with a pen. "Let me just update this real quick…" he says, crossing off some of the items on his list and adding them to the section labeled 'hard limits'.
"I should do that, too," Benji says, groaning quietly as he opens and closes his outstretched hand. "Could you pass me mine?"
"Yep, here," Victor says, passing Benji the other sheet of paper.
They update their lists and clean up before crossing the corridor to the bathroom to shower so they can wash all the fluids from their bodies, limbs heavy. By now, the sun has descended below the horizon, and their stomachs grumble loudly from exertion.
With a sigh, Benji stares at the three toothbrushes in the cup on the edge of the sink, taking the blue one and applying a stripe of toothpaste to it as Victor takes his place beside him and does the same with his yellow one. They stand there bare, watching their reflections in the mirror as the sound of bristles scraping enamel echoes over the tiles. Benji rinses his mouth before returning the toothbrush to the cup and doesn't even bother dressing himself as he shuffles out into the kitchen.
"Do you still have that curry you made yesterday?" Benji calls down the hall as he peers into the fridge.
"Yeah, did you want some?" Victor says, peeking his head from the bathroom.
Benji shrugs as he takes the tupperware from the fridge and sets it on the counter before he opens the cabinet and pulls out two plates.
Just then, the front door opens and Benji whips around, making eye contact with Fee, who enters the foyer and kicks off their shoes.
"Oh, hey, Fee," Benji says with a short wave, almost shocking himself with his own nonchalance; his cheeks are cool.
"Hey, Fee!" Victor calls from his room.
"Hey, guys! Benji, what's up?" Fee replies as they enter, not even batting an eyelid. "We might as well add you to the lease at this point because I feel like you're here all the time."
With a tight smile, Benji scratches the back of his head.
"Huh… I am here a lot, aren't I…" he mutters.
"I mean, it's not a problem for me. It's nice having another person for dinner every night," Fee says with a shrug. "Did you guys get up to any fun experiments today?"
Benji chokes on his own saliva and breaks into a fit of coughs. He takes a glass from the cabinet and fills it with water from the tap before he gulps it down.
"Can you excuse me for a second?" Benji says politely as he holds up a finger and darts down the hallway back to Victor's room, shutting the door behind him.
Inside, Victor is sorting through his closet, clad in a hoodie and a pair of sweats. Benji approaches, spotting something knit and burgundy on a shelf and taking it in his hands. He unfolds it.
"Did I leave this here?" Benji asks, staring at the sweater—his sweater.
"Yeah, this is all yours. Don't worry, I washed it all," Victor says, motioning to the shelf populated by folded up clothes that upon further inspection, Benji recognizes.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Benji takes a pair of jeans and some boxer briefs from the shelf and slowly dresses himself before he sits down on the bed.
"Victor. We need to talk," Benji says.
Freezing in his tracks, Victor stands silent for a long moment. He turns around, glacial, before he looks past Benji.
Adam's apple bobbing, Victor nods as he sits down beside Benji. "That doesn't sound good."
Benji eyes his hands and fidgets before he raises his gaze, pupils connecting with Victor's.
"It's not actually anything bad, I just…" Benji says, picking at his cuticles and taking a deep breath. "I'm realizing now that I think… I need some space."
"What do you mean?" Victor asks, voice cracking.
"I love spending time with you, but I think it's… too much right now. And Fee is right, I'm either here or just with you basically all the time when I'm not in classes and I think I need time to reconnect with myself."
Victor bites his lip for a moment and then sighs. "I think you're right, now that I think about it. We have been around each other a lot and we should be focusing more on ourselves and our work."
"Yeah, exactly. We'll still be boyfriends, obviously, just boyfriends who give each other space and who won't be rubbing our relationship in people's faces. As much," Benji says with a grin.
With a sad chuckle, Victor shrugs. "I can live with that. Plus, it'll make the time we do spend together more meaningful."
"Mhm," Benji says, cupping Victor's face and pulling him into a soft kiss.
When they part, Victor brushes a stray lock of hair from Benji's face. "One thing, though… Please don't say 'we need to talk' like that ever again because I'll expect that you're gonna break up with me and I may actually cry."
"Oh, god, you're right," Benji says, smacking himself in the forehead. "Sorry."
"It's okay," Victor says, rising from the bed. "So does that mean you're not staying for dinner tonight?"
"No, thanks, I think I should go."
"Well, at least take some food with you," Victor insists.
"I will," Benji says with a smile as he takes the sizable pile of folded clothes out of the closet and shoves it in his bag hastily.
"When should we meet up next?"
Benji pauses, playing with the end of his still damp hair for a moment.
"How about… at the game against Arkansas?"
"But that's in a week…"
"Well, yeah, but we have things to do that'll keep us busy."
Victor pouts, wrapping his arms around Benji's waist and burying his nose in the crook of his neck. "I'm gonna miss you…"
"It's only seven days, babe. You'll be fine."
"All right…" Victor sighs.
Benji shakes his head before he places a gentle kiss on Victor's lips one last time, allowing Victor to hold him for a few more seconds before he pulls away and removes Victor from around him.
"Bye, babe," Benji says.
"Bye," Victor says, eyebrows pressing together, but he doesn't say anything more.
Blowing a kiss, Benji picks up his bag and slips out the door with a wave. Benji ignores the weight in his chest that piles on with each step; he knows it's for his own good.