When Benji strides into the crowded gym, where the cheers of those gathered in the bleachers drown out the sound of his own thoughts, he immediately regrets it. Even as each movement makes him acutely aware that something is inside him, it's not enough to provide a suitable distraction.
He gazes out in front of them to where Victor and his teammates race across the court, and Benji wants nothing more than for Victor to satiate that dull hunger within him, the kind he hadn't managed to get rid of all week no matter how hard he tried.
Beside him, Fee prattles on about their theories on the type of granite used to construct ancient Egyptian obelisks during the New Kingdom, which Benji had been paying attention to up until the two of them had entered the deafening arena. Immediately the ground vibrates around them as Benji grabs Fee by the arm and pulls them into the bleachers.
"—and that's just one of the many hypotheses… or theories? About how they managed to move all those rocks," Fee says, their breath warm against Benji's ear.
"Okay, you're gonna have to… take a step back," Benji says, grimacing and pushing Fee away from him gently. "I know it's hard to hear but you're way too close."
"Sorry," Fee says over the din as they sit down on the bleachers and roll out their sign that says "Watch out for Danger-ew Spencer" with the number 5 on it next to a drawing of a neon orange basketball.
Fee holds up the sign and whoops as they wave down to the court. Benji chuckles and rolls his eyes as he unfurls his own sign, with a simple "Don't let your crown slip, King Sala-star" with a detailed color drawing of Victor shooting a three-point shot while wearing his white home jersey and a glittery crown.
Benji catches Victor's eye on the court and blows him a kiss with a small smile as Victor's eyes sparkle and he runs into the back of one of his teammates. Covering his face in his hand, Benji averts his gaze as a laugh wracks his body and he tries his best to suppress it as he turns his mind to other things than the throbbing between his legs.
"Whoa, Benji, that looks so cool," Fee says as they examine Benji's handiwork, eyebrows shooting into their hairline. "You really went all out, huh."
"Oh, this? It's nothing," Benji says, waving his hand quickly. "But thanks."
Waving his sign around and cheering, Benji does his best to focus on the game, remembering the rules as Victor had explained to him so many times before, but somehow his mind completely blanks, empty of the information and replaced by static instead.
"Hey, B," Fee says, nudging Benji in the side with their elbow and pointing very obviously behind them as they squint. "Isn't that Pilar? We should go over there, it looks like there's a lot of space."
Blinking, Benji peeks over his shoulder as discreetly as he can manage. Fee has already stepped into the aisle and makes their way up the creaky old wooden stairs. Benji cringes at the sensation of the sandpaper scratching against the bottoms of his boots before he pauses in his tracks.
"What's up, Pilar? Mind if we join you?" Fee says.
"Hey, losers," Pilar says. "Here to support your boyfriends, I'm guessing?" she says with a short wave. "Oh, and my mom's here, too, but she's gonna be back in a second."
She raises an eyebrow and rolls her eyes with a smirk as she scoots over, shoving aside one of the boys sitting next to her, the familiar brunet with the face that activates Benji's fight response instantly.
"Oh, Benji, my word, it's been too long," Connor says with a cat-like grin as he waggles the tips of his fingers. "Here, Pilar, babes, switch spots with me so B and I can catch up."
"Hi, I'm here, too," Fee says, but Connor ignores them.
Before Benji can say anything, they all shuffle around so Fee can sit between Connor and Pilar and Benji has no choice but to sit beside Connor. With a grin that could have been carved in stone, Benji sinks down to the bleachers, the plastic suddenly painful against his backside.
"Hey… I had no idea y'all were friends," Benji says with a forced laugh.
"Well, we just met like a few minutes ago. But I didn't know you and Connor were friends either, so," Pilar says with a shrug and a pointed look in Benji's direction.
"We… frequent some of the same circles," Benji ekes out.
"Yeah, Grindr," Connor says as he picks at his cuticles.
"Oh, you're still on there?"
"You two really should be more concerned about how the app is literally keeping track of and harvesting your personal information and probably selling it to the government," Fee says as-a-matter-of-factly.
"Well, good thing I'm not on there anymore," Benji says with a shrug.
"Now who's acting like he's better, princess?" Connor says.
"Okay, I'm gonna let you guys talk about gay stuff on your own…" Pilar says as she rises and switches seats with Fee.
"I'm not saying I'm better because I have a boyfriend, I'm just—"
"That did sound a little shamey, I'm gonna have to agree with Connor on this one, B," Fee says.
"Maybe you're not as much of a nerd as I thought, Fee," Connor says with a sly smirk.
"Although I will say the name-calling is a little unnecessary."
"Okay, nevermind."
"Does loyalty mean anything to you, Fee?" Benji snaps before he takes a deep breath, holding it for a moment before he exhales. "Okay, but that's fair. I didn't mean it like that, I just meant that—"
"Benji, mi amor, Fee! I wasn't expecting to see you here!" Isabel's voice cuts their conversation short as she almost yells over the noise. "Sorry, I just had to run out because Adrian called and asked me to explain how the oven works… Ahh, how are things?" she squeals, pulling them both into a hug.
"Hey, Mrs. S!" Fee says with a wide wave as they pull away before they sip from a bottle of orange juice with a curly pink straw.
"Hi, Isabel. Likewise," Benji says sweetly. "Things are fine, I guess. But Victor and I haven't seen each other in a bit because we were uh… giving each other a little space," he says, scratching the back of his head as he squirms a bit in his seat.
"Ohh… Is everything all right with you two?" she asks, concerned. "Although I can see how sometimes you might need a break from all his… attentiveness."
"It's not that, things are fine. I actually like that he cares a lot," Benji says with a fond chuckle as he shakes his head. "We just need to focus more on our studies and ourselves, that's all."
"Right, I hear you. I'm glad you're both being responsible young men! Victor definitely knows how to pick 'em," she says proudly as she ruffles Benji's hair gently.
Benji bites his lip, flustered, and tucks his hair behind his ear before he smiles. "Thanks."
"And who's this?" Isabel asks as she eyes Connor.
"Hi, Mrs. Salazar, it's enchanting to meet you. You don't look a day over twenty-five. I'm Connor, by the way," he says, punctuating each word with a dramatic gesture and phony giggle.
"Stop that," Isabel says with a modest chuckle as she swats the air.
"Also, I love your nail polish, I think I have the same color. Berry really suits your complexion."
"Aww, thank you, I love you already!" she says, giggling, before turning her attention to Benji. "Anyway… Did you and Connor plan to match your outfits?" she teases, motioning first to Benji and then to Connor.
"Huh?" Benji asks, examining himself before his eyes rove over Connor's front.
"Oh, snap, you're right, Mrs. S," Fee says, awestruck.
They're both wearing striped rainbow tops—Connor's is cropped every so slightly, so that his stomach pokes out from beneath it when he moves, where Benji's exposes more of his middle and is tight enough to accentuate his muscles. And they both have on a pair of white jeans—Benji's are ripped, of course.
"Same brain," Connor says, looking smug. "Who wore it better?"
"Benji obviously looks better," Pilar says flatly as she glares in Connor's direction; Connor shrugs.
"It's definitely an, uh… interesting look," Isabel says as she takes a seat beside Connor and sighs. "How's Victor doing out there?" she asks as she glances at the scoreboard.
"Victor is killing it," Fee almost shouts.
"That's my boy!" Isabel yells, cheering loudly and clapping along to the chants coming in from the cheerleaders on the sidelines. She returns her attention to Benji and the rest. "So… how do you all know each other?"
It's as if a lightning bolt has struck them from the heavens and time stands still. All Benji can do is stare, the words catching in his eardrums but taking their time in entering his brain. But when Connor opens his mouth, Benji puts a hand on his shoulder, narrowing his eyes and giving the faintest shake of his head.
"Oh, Connor and I go way back," Benji says quickly.
"How nice! I'm sure it makes making friends in a new environment easier," Isabel says as she rests her head on her hand with a kind smile on her face.
A low, dark hum exits Connor's throat and he nods a little too vigorously. "Exactly! And I met Victor through Benji. Small world, right?" he says.
"When was that?"
"It was just before break, actually," Connor says with a sly grin. He pauses and gives Benji a look. "Before he decided to settle down with this one," he adds, as he grates his knuckles against Benji's scalp vigorously, mussing up his hair.
"Ahh, I see. That feels like it was so long ago..."
"Did Victor tell you about the party?"
Wait…
"Which one?" Isabel asks, her face falling. "Nobody said anything about a party."
"Victor and I met at the Kappa Sig party."
"Connor, I swear to god…" Benji mutters.
Isabel's face contorts and all of a sudden, where she had been beaming, her mouth is now a thin, deep curve, the lines and shadows on her face making her look like a Baroque painting in a dim room.
"Qué jodienda…" Isabel says, her fingers curling together into fists as she removes her hand from her chin. "A frat party? With alcohol?" she asks, her voice low but strained.
Benji and Fee stare at each other but say nothing as Connor shifts in his seat. "Well, I mean… there tends to be alcohol, yeah… and sometimes drugs. I definitely saw him drinking, though."
Pilar grumbles something under her breath before she crosses her arms over her chest and leans back with a sour look on her face.
"I'm gonna kill him," Isabel says, throwing her hands in the air, exasperated. "All this time, I thought he was doing what he was supposed to and now I find out he's going to parties instead of studying? And lying to me about it all? I'm gonna murder him!" she says, her voice rising progressively both in volume and pitch.
"Isabel…" Benji says gently, his heart pounding in his chest and wanting to burst as a few more seconds pass and his blood pressure rises even further. "It wasn't his fault. It was… I was the one who asked him to come with me."
"No way, Benji. You didn't force him at gunpoint to do something illegal," Isabel snaps.
Benji chews on his lip as his face warms.
"Well, I mean, 'illegal' is a strong word, don't you think?" Fee asks with a nervous chuckle.
"The drinking age is 21, Fee, what planet are you living on?" Connor snaps.
"Okay, everyone be quiet, please," Benji says, holding his hands out in front of him. "Seriously, it was my fault, I basically begged Victor to go with me. So if you're gonna be angry, please just be angry at me."
Isabel's jaw clenches as she eyes him, her stare icy and piercing enough to stab him through the spaces between his ribs, but a moment later she sighs, deflating, and beside them, Connor tips his head to the side.
"You're a good boy, Benji," Isabel says, reaching across Connor's lap and patting Benji on the hand, her touch brief but warm; he knows that if he squints he'll see his own mother sitting there with them. "But I still need to have a talk with him because that's unacceptable… que mierda…" she says, clicking her tongue.
Benji swallows, leaning forward and clamping his fingers around the back of his own neck, pulling his spine forward and down into the floor where he wishes he could simply disappear. Even the prospect of seeing Victor later isn't enough to raise his spirits.
Connor scoffs, shielding his mouth with the tops of his fingers as he rolls his eyes slowly and it's as if his entire body revolves with them. "Oh, honey, no… The only good he is, is good at sucking dick."
Benji's stomach drops out of him again and it's like the shouts and cheers and screams around him cease to exist, as if he'd just pressed mute on a tv remote and shut off every sound except the deep thumping of his heart in his chest.
"Hey—" Benji starts.
"Excuse me?" Isabel asks, cutting him off, and it's like she's underwater, her words muffled, drawn out and slow.
"That's not cool, Connor," Fee says, their voice also far away.
"Sorry, you're right, I should be more specific," Connor says.
When Benji's eyes flit to the side, what greets him is the sight of Connor's visage as he all but glows with malicious intent.
"I mean, I could say Benji has a little bit of a reputation for being the biggest whore on the planet, or maybe just here, but I'm pretty sure Victor has him beat by a few bodies," Connor says gleefully.
"Connor… stop talking…" Benji grits out.
Isabel pulls her hand away from Benji inch by inch, the frown adorning her face somehow managing to deepen as she gazes out to the court. And when Connor opens his mouth again, Benji doesn't think.
His body moves on its own, hands flying up to clamp down on Connor's mouth, the vibrations from behind his lips radiating through Benji's skin as Connor struggles, flailing about and biting down hard into the flesh of his palms and fingers before something wrenches him away.
"Get off me, you psycho bitch!" Connor shouts.
"Benji, bro, what the hell," Fee mutters as they drag Benji aside, holding him, heaving, at a distance from Connor as the other wipes his face. "And Connor, calling someone psycho isn't very nice."
"Give it a rest, Fee, you're so sensitive."
"Ay Dios mio! What is wrong with you two?" Isabel asks, incredulous. "You're behaving like children! Didn't your mothers teach you how to act? It's disgraceful."
Benji stares at a point on the floor and says nothing as tears prick at the corners of his eyes; Connor rises from his seat and approaches Benji, getting close enough that they can breathe the same air.
"Nice try, but I bet your grip is as weak as your head game," Connor says; Benji has never been more thankful for the ironclad hold of Fee's fingers around his wrists.
"Well, at least I didn't shit my pants sophomore year of high school," Benji retorts.
"That was coffee—" Connor all but screams, face flushing before he lowers his voice. "It was coffee, you know that."
"Mhm, yep, keep telling yourself that, Diaper Boy."
"I—Don't call me that! Ugh… You know what, I'm out of here," Connor says, fuming, before turning on his heel to leave.
"Yeah, Connor. Piss off, chota cabrón," Pilar says, holding up her middle finger, bored.
"Uh-uh, where do you think you're going?" Isabel asks as she avoids Benji's gaze, her voice suddenly stern.
"I'm leaving. Why do you care? You're not my mom," Connor snaps.
"That may be the case but I want to know if what you said before is true," Isabel says, swallowing before she presses her lips tightly into a line, as if pleading.
"Yeah, I mean, if sleeping with over a hundred people makes you a whore, then..."
"A hundred—" Isabel chokes, letting herself sink back down to the bleachers before she makes the sign of the cross. "I can't believe this…"
"Well, you best start believing, Mrs. Salazar, because it's the truth. Toodles!"
Connor chuckles before he descends from the top of the bleachers, his pupils following Benji like an old painting up until he exits the gym.
Fee finally releases Benji from their hold and Benji chews on his lip as he cautiously perches on the bench beside Isabel, leaving a canyon between them. He can't bring himself to look at her as the guilt and shame and he doesn't know what else swirls around inside him. All he can do is sip his water and try to keep his food down as the game on the floor continues and the masses huddled up at the front continue their cheering and chanting, oblivious.
The silence between them all is enough to make Benji wring his hands together over and over again and peel the skin off his lips with his teeth until they bleed, but he doesn't notice it. And as soon as he glances up to the scoreboard, where the red 26 bleeds into his brain, the piercing whistle brings him back to reality if only for a moment.
As soon as this happens, the court clears and Benji, still prickling from earlier, goes to rise, but as soon as his gaze lands on Victor's face and takes in his boyfriend's wide grin as he claps his teammates on the back, Benji slumps backward and stays where he is, crossing his legs while picturing Victor on top of him and pressing him into the mattress.
The second half of the game drags on even slower. Benji pulls out his phone, arm shaking as he desperately searches for something to keep him occupied, but somehow it's as if he's forgotten everything he does with this damned machine. The scoreboard shows a 38 - 23 score for the Panthers with about seven minutes left on the clock, but even as the sweat from his skin smudges his screen, Benji can't find anything there that will stop the roiling ocean of his insides.
He sighs, resting his head on his hand and finally settles on scrolling through Instagram before the pricking of paranoia attaches itself to Benji's side. Flitting his eyes to where Isabel sits bouncing her leg with her hands folded in her lap, Benji's chest clenches. He returns his attention to the game as Victor catches the ball and dribbles from one side of the court to the other, the lights from above glistening against his sweat-slick skin.
As the final buzzer sounds, the entire stadium erupts into a frenzy and Victor bolts across the field with his arms outstretched before he collides with the pile of his teammates as they all pull each other into a chaotic embrace.
Benji rises from his seat and runs down from the bleachers to the floor, shoving his way through the bodies as Victor peers at him over the heads of the other players.
For a moment, Benji forgets everything that had happened in the past hour and all he can see is Victor beaming and dripping with perspiration, radiating light when he approaches Benji as if each movement is pulling his limbs back down to the ground.
He wraps his arms around Benji's waist and kisses him as he lifts him from the ground like a pile of feathers, and Benji has no choice but to snake his arms around Victor's neck as they twirl about, his legs dangling and flailing in the air before he wraps them around Victor's trunk as his heart soars in his chest.
When Victor sets him back down, both of them now breathless, he wipes his brow in the back of his arm as he gazes up at the bleachers. It's in that moment that Victor's expression falters, lips dropping before he focuses on Benji again.
"Hey, congrats," Benji says before he takes a deep breath.
"Hey! I missed you so much," Victor says as he plants kisses down Benji's neck.
"Me, too," Benji says, shivering before he presses Victor away from him by the chest. "As sexy as you are right now, there's something I need to tell you that's gonna totally ruin the mood. You're not gonna like it."
"What happened?"
"Well… I'm not gonna sugar coat it. Your mom knows about the party and the fact that we both slept around because Connor just told her."
Victor swallows, breathing loudly through his nose. "Oh god…"
"Yeah, I just… wanted you to be able to emotionally prepare for the ass whooping you're about to receive," Benji says, stroking Victor's cheek and then the side of his neck with the pads of his fingers. "It wasn't good. She hasn't spoken for an hour and I was getting kinda worried."
"Great."
"Although it was partially my own fault because I did kinda provoke him…"
"It's not your fault, he just has it out for you," Victor says firmly. "It's okay. Looks like the truth was gonna come out somehow…"
"I guess that's true," Benji sighs, his face warming. "Good news is, uh… I may or may not be wearing a butt plug right now because I, uh… really want you to fuck me later on."
"Oh…" Victor says, swallowing loudly before his lips curl up into a devious smile. "I'm absolutely looking forward to that."
"Good, because you deserve it after today," Benji says with a wink as he takes Victor's hand and brings it to rest on his own ass.
"This makes me feel a little better about what's about to happen," he says, giving Benji's ass a light squeeze. "Well, I better get this over with…" he mutters, taking a long swig of water before he grabs Benji by the hand and leads him up the stairs.
They don't get far as Isabel, scowling with her arms crossed over her chest, descends to meet them all while not making eye contact with either of them. She unwraps her limbs only to grab Victor by the bicep and pull him down the stairs.
"I'm sure you already know what this is about," Isabel snaps.
"Relax, mami, I'll go willingly," Victor groans, shrugging Isabel off.
"No me digas 'relax', I'll give you 'relax'."
"And you do realize I'm legally an adult and don't have to listen to you, right?"
"Don't test me, Victor. I'm really not in the mood right now," Isabel warns, her voice dangerous.
Victor gulps and nods. "Okay."
And they disappear into the crowd.
Benji clenches his fists, blunt nails digging into his palms for a moment before he turns on his heel and his legs take him through the double doors at the entrance to the gym. The metallic clang of the door rings out into the hallway and through Benji's bones but a few seconds later, the din from within ceases.
The corridor is devoid of human life, just as Benji likes it, and picks a spot against the wall, sliding down it and plopping down onto the cool, smooth linoleum floor as he brings his knees up to his chest and stares straight ahead at the glass case packed with trophies and plaques as he grips his shins hard enough to leave marks. He inhales, holding it for a few counts, before exhaling slowly.
It's on the third inhale that a noise floats through the hallway, like muffled whispers in Benji's ears. He cranes his neck and squints for a moment before he pushes himself to his feet. Cocking his eyebrow, he wanders toward the source of the noise, biting his lips to keep quiet.
"—I don't wanna hear anything about this from you after you cheated on dad!" Victor bellows around the corner, his voice so powerful it ricochets off every surface like a gunshot and cuts through Benji's core.
Benji gasps quietly and presses himself with his back against the wall, knowing he shouldn't be there.
"Lower your voice!" Isabel hisses.
"No! You're the last person who should be judging us!" Victor growls, primal, and somehow even louder this time. "I wasn't hurting anyone!"
The words whip against Benji and his insides churn, heart booming as he clutches at his own chest; he'd never heard Victor speak like that to anyone before.
"I'm not trying to judge you, that's not my job. All I'm saying is you need to be more careful; you could have been hurting yourself!" Isabel says. "I'm not gonna be around forever. What if something happens?"
"Of course I'm careful. Do you think I'm an idiot? I read; I know what can happen," Victor says, his voice a bit softer now but still with enough edge to make Benji run his hands through his hair over and over again.
"What am I supposed to think when I find out you've been lying to me this whole time about what you've been doing? I thought you were good and responsible and that I didn't have to worry about you, mi lindo."
"Well, sorry to disappoint."
"I'm not disappointed in you, Victor. I could never be disappointed in you," Isabel says, her voice defeated. "I was just… surprised, is all. But I had time to think about it. To ask, what would Jesus do in this situation? I spent the last hour praying that God would give me some guidance."
"Are you ashamed of me?" Victor asks almost inaudibly.
"No," Isabel says with a heavy sigh. "I just want you to be honest with me. I know I can't tell you what to do because as you said, you're an adult. But you're still my son and I'm always going to be here for you, even if I might not always agree with your choices, okay? So please. Just don't lie to me anymore."
There's a pause and shuffling in the hallway. Something keeps Benji rooted in place, the bottoms of his feet sticking to the floor and preventing him from escaping even though he knows he should go back into the gym or at least leave the vicinity; but some force stops him.
"Okay, I won't. What do you wanna know?" Victor finally says.
Benji's swallows, curiosity getting the best of him as he leans into the sound of Victor's voice.
"Well, I don't need to know exact numbers because that's your business. And honestly, I don't know if my heart would be able to handle any more stress today..."
Victor chuckles, tense. "I get it."
"All those times I called you in the evenings… when I asked you what you were doing and you said you were in the lab again… were you, uh… hooking up with people?"
There's another pause. And something stirs within Benji, acrid and bitter, as time drags.
"Not all the time… but yeah, like 80% of the time that's what I meant," Victor says slowly, voice quivering.
"Oh, Jesus… okay. Not judging, not judging. Of course," Isabel says quickly. "Are you at least… staying safe?"
"Yeah."
"Victor…"
"Okay, fine. I was, and Benji was, too. But now since we're not seeing anyone else it's not really… that necessary."
"I'm buying you condoms as a late birthday gift."
Benji claps his hands over his mouth and holds his breath to stop himself from bursting out in laughter.
"Mom, seriously. You don't need to. We're fluid bonded and get tested regularly; so far we haven't had any issues."
"That's good to hear. I'm glad you're taking this seriously."
"Yeah, of course we are. But also, to be fair, STIs aren't a death sentence like they used to be and are actually pretty common and treatable."
"Okay, but that's not the point."
"I know, the point is to just not get them in the first place, obviously. But yeah, Benji is actually really responsible and reminds me when I need to get tested and stuff so you really don't need to worry."
"Oh. Well… that's reassuring."
"I just don't want you to think he's like, a bad influence or anything like that because it's actually the opposite. I think we just push each other to be better."
Benji can't stop his lip from curling up when Victor says these words, his head light all of a sudden.
"No, I don't think he's a bad influence, I just… Maybe I just had a picture in mind of what your life would be like and when I find out things that go against that, it can be shocking. But I can't force you to fit into these expectations I have of you because that's not realistic or fair."
"I… understand that feeling very well," Victor says sheepishly.
"At least when you came out, I kinda had a feeling so I almost expected it. But this… it just caught me off guard."
"Yeah… that makes sense. But to be fair, you don't have to worry about me going to any parties anymore because after that one I realized that it wasn't... really my thing."
"Oh, thank goodness," Isabel says, exasperated.
"But I'm going to try to… be more honest about what I'm up to. I think the times when I had to hide things from you when I was younger have still stuck with me. It would help if you didn't freak out, though."
"I don't know if I can make any promises that I won't freak out but I'll… try, too."
Benji's pocket vibrates and he jumps, swallowing the lump in his throat before he tiptoes down the hallway as quickly and as quietly as he can. He re-enters the gym and darts up the stairs to the top of the bleachers where Pilar sits scowling at her phone.
"Where were you?" she asks him as he sits back down. "I just texted you."
"Oh, uh… I needed some air," Benji lies, breathless.
Pilar squints at him before she shrugs. "I hope Victor didn't get too much of a lecture from mom, she can be a lot."
"I think he can handle it," Benji says with a soft smile. "Hey, where'd Fee go?"
"They're napping," Pilar says, jutting her thumb over her shoulder to where Fee is curled up in a heap, snoring. "I really don't know how, it was so loud in here."
The previously crowded gym had almost emptied and now only a few stragglers remain, roaming about.
A few more minutes pass before the doors burst open again and Isabel enters, followed by Victor, who's now clad in a clean pair of jeans and a black button-down, hair freshly washed. They both look refreshed, the tension from before dissipated into the air. With a wave, Victor jogs up the stairs and takes a seat beside Benji.
"How did things go?" Benji asks, before he lowers his voice. "I may have heard a bit of the sex talk by accident but please don't tell your mom, it's super embarrassing," he says, face heating up.
"Oh, shit," Victor says, cheeks flushing cherry-red, too. "How much is 'a bit'?"
Benji remembers the way Victor's voice had jarred him on an existential level, but he shakes his head to clear it. "Around the time when your mom threatened to buy you condoms."
"Not that…" Victor mutters.
"Yeah… but you also did say some really nice things about me and it makes me wanna return the favor later on..."
Victor chuckles, shaking his head.
"I'm actually glad we had that talk," Isabel says as she makes her way to the top of the stairs. "It's going to take me some time to… be okay with all this new information. It was definitely… surprising."
She leans down and pulls Benji and Victor into a tight embrace.
"But we can't really change anything so I don't have much of a choice," she chuckles.
"Uh… thanks, I guess," Victor says.
"Yeah, thanks, Isabel. I definitely wasn't expecting you to learn all this from my mortal enemy…" Benji says.
"Why didn't you say that from the beginning?" Isabel asks as she pulls away.
"I didn't wanna be rude," Benji says hastily.
"Benji, you definitely should've. He's fake as hell. Not to mention he looked like a clown... I can't believe I fell for it all," Pilar groans. "I used to be so good at spotting fake people… what happened?" she says, staring down at her hands in horror.
"Hey! So you're indirectly saying I look like a clown, too."
"No, you look normal. Somehow it works for you."
"Oh. Cool."
"Anyway... I understand not wanting to be rude, but it would have saved us a headache in the long-run," Isabel says.
They chuckle as they gather their things from the bleachers. Victor nudges Fee awake with his foot and helps them up.
"So, now that all that's over with… who's in the mood for food? We ought to celebrate Victor making it to the semis," Isabel says, beaming as she slings her purse over her shoulder.
"Ooo yes that sounds amazing," Fee says as they yawn into the back of their hand as they clap Victor on the back. "Congrats, buddy."
"I still have no idea where anything is around here..."
"There's supposed to be a new soul food place down the road where they have a pretty extensive vegan menu if y'all are interested," Victor says.
"Yes, let's do that. Any objections?" Isabel says quickly. "I'm starving."
The others murmur in agreement and they all make their way out of the building and into the warm evening air. Benji slips his hand into Victor's, intertwining their fingers as they walk across the sidewalk and swing their joined hands back and forth. The sun hovers just over the horizon, a giant orange ball radiating pink and red across the sky.
When they arrive at the restaurant that sits beside a park, with its typical diner-style setup equipped with retro red and black and white furniture, they're seated at a booth in the corner. Victor and Benji sit on one side and Fee, Pilar and Isabel take the other. They chit chat over the menu, talking about everything except what had transpired earlier.
They order the classics—some piping hot, crispy fried chicken, mac and cheese, sweet potatoes, cornbread and collard greens, the scents of fried breading and spices and sweetness and umami all swirling around them in a chaotic amalgamation that makes their mouths water.
"Funny story, actually, now that we're on the topic of rocks…" Fee says as they peel a bit of chicken off the drumstick in their hand. "Last week, I was supposed to have a group project with this guy named Mark, right. And his name sounded really familiar. Mark… Fiennes?"
Benji tenses and Victor pauses in the middle of bringing a spoonful of mac and cheese into his mouth, his other hand gripping Benji's leg under the table.
"Didn't you hook up with him, Victor?" Fee asks, before they pop a piece of chicken in their mouth and chew it.
"Uh… yeah," Victor says slowly as he raises his gaze across the table to Isabel, who shifts in her seat. "Why?"
"Wait, seriously?" Benji asks, putting the fried seitan between his fingers back down on the plate. Something gnaws at him. "Me, too," he says.
"Oh. Uh… maybe we should talk about something else?"
"Oof. Okay, noted…" Fee mutters before silence tangles itself like a malicious vine around them all and refuses to let go.
"So… this is awkward as fuck," Pilar says, breaking the silece and raising her head from where she'd been chasing a lone piece of collard greens across her plate with a fork.
"Language!" Isabel hisses.
"I hear you say 'hijo de puta' all the time!"
"That's different!"
"Why?"
"Because I'm a grownup."
"Newsflash, so am I! Hell, we all are."
"Wow, I really missed this," Victor says sarcastically as he rolls his eyes. "But to be fair, Adrian isn't even here, so can we please just… chill out? They're just words."
Isabel sighs. "You're right, you're right. I can be a cool mom who lets her kids say 'fuck'."
"We stan!" Fee cheers.
They continue eating and chatting, the conversation flowing more freely again as they finish their meals. When they finish, leaning back against the red leather seats, the waiter arrives with the bill and sets it down in the middle of the table. Isabel snatches it, putting on her glasses before she glances at the bill.
Benji reaches into his pocket, grimacing as he pulls his wallet out.
"What are you doing?" Victor asks. "Put that away, you're not paying."
"Don't be silly, Benji. It's on me. You, too, Fee," Isabel says as-a-matter-of-factly as she pulls out a card and slips it into the little black leather booklet on the table with a smile. "I'm not gonna make a bunch of college students pay for dinner."
"Oh, uh… Thanks," Benji says, face warming as he slides his wallet back into his jeans.
"You're the best, Mrs. S!" Fee says.
Benji eyes Victor, who grins at him in turn, irises sparkling in the dim light as he drapes an arm over Benji's shoulders. Benji burrows closer into Victor's side, letting his head fall against Victor's shoulder, and his heart flutters as Victor pulls him even closer and rests his own head atop Benji's.
"Ahh, you two are so cute!" Isabel squeals. "Let me take a picture."
Chuckling, Benji reaches up to hold Victor's hand, squeezing it gently as he cranes his neck up to kiss Victor.
"Ugh, no, mom, do you have to document everything we do?" Victor says, covering his face with his other hand.
"Basta! Yes, I have to, it's just one picture," Isabel says, swatting at Victor across the table. "Now smile!"
"Yeah, smile," Benji teases, grabbing both of Victor's cheeks in one hand and pressing them together.
They chuckle as Benji lets Victor go and they pose for a photo as Isabel taps the button on her phone a few times.
"You guys are so corny…" Pilar says but grins nonetheless.
"Okay, now let's get one with all of you. Fee, Pilar, go over there," Isabel says, motioning with her arm across the table.
"I was literally just about to suggest that, Mrs. S," Fee chirps, popping into the booth beside Victor and pressing their shoulders together.
Benji eyes Fee and pulls Victor closer to him as he slides up against the wall of the booth, hand slipping down Victor's leg and into his lap as he turns his attention to Victor's gaze.
"Tatooine," Victor whispers into his ear, and Benji pulls his hand away.
"Nah, I'm good," Pilar says before she slurps a bit of Sprite from her cup.
Victor shoots her a pleading look and Benji snorts as she sighs, then rises from her seat and packs onto the bench beside the trio.
"Mom, can you please hurry up, it's getting kinda… tight in here," Victor says; Benji can't help but smile.
"Okay, okay, everyone ready?" Isabel says.
There's a chorus of "Yes"es and Isabel snaps a few photos as she directs them all to pose accordingly.
Once they've finished with their photoshoot and paid for their meal, they reconvene outside on the sidewalk, leaning against the red brick building for a moment as they say their goodbyes. Isabel leaves them all following a round of hugs, and Fee and Pilar return to campus together, leaving Victor and Benji standing shoulder to shoulder and staring off across the road as they watch cars zip by, their glowing red and white lights casting streaks in their wake.
"Did you wanna go back to your place together?" Benji asks after a moment of contemplative silence between them.
"B… I know we wanted to spend time together, but honestly… I'm exhausted," Victor says.
"I mean, we could just talk, if you want. We don't have to have sex… I think that plan went out the window a while ago."
Victor chews on the inside of his cheek, contemplating. "As nice as that sounds, I feel like I just need to be by myself right now," he says.
"It's all good. I get it, so much shit happened today. But I'm always here if you want to talk about anything."
"I know," Victor says with a soft smile. "I appreciate you."
Benji runs a hand through his hair and bites his lip as he holds back the words that sit at the tip of his tongue. He says instead: "Get some rest, okay, babe?"
"Yeah, I will," Victor says, pulling Benji into an embrace and wrapping his arms around Benji's back as Benji's hands instinctively join around his middle. He kisses Benji on the forehead. "I'll see you around, mi amor," he says.
They separate, standing a few inches apart among the fireflies that had congregated nearby in the evening air. Benji rests his hand on Victor's cheek, tipping his head down to close the gap between them as their lips press together, like two pieces of a puzzle.
"Goodnight," Victor murmurs when they pull away again.
"Night," Benji whispers, waving before he spins around in the opposite direction and makes his way across the sidewalk and through the park next door.
Benji pauses his stride after a few steps with a smile and glances over his shoulder to where Victor stands like a tower in the darkness, mirroring him.
He shakes his head and continues onward.