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A HOPE VALLEY CHRISTMAS
Chapter VIV
"Adoption Party & Aftermath"
Part II
"Let no man despise thy youth;
but be thou an example of the believers,
in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity."
I Timothy 4:12*
. . .
The little surprise presents kept coming on Wednesday, just as they had all week.
Allie was floating after her dreamy night, and couldn't wait to go talk with her friends about her party.
Nathan had let her sleep in, and she was shocked that it was almost noon when she finally woke up, got fully dressed for the day, and went downstairs.
But as she walked from the kitchen to the living room with her bowl of fruit and plate of toast with jam, Allie thought she heard something on the front porch.
She quickly sat everything down on their dining table, and ran to the door, flinging it open, but no one was there.
"I don't get it. I know I just heard you."
Elizabeth's heart was beating fast, with her back against the side of the Grant rowhouse.
She was praying Allie would get distracted by the present in front of her.
And sure enough, the young girl did, grabbing it up and returning back inside.
Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief and made her quick exit into town...
Inside, Allie opened the funny-shaped package.
She laughed with joy when she realized what was in her hand, a professional-grade netted hoop for fishing!
"This is amazing! Dad won't believe this!"
But when she realized how late she was, she quickly gobbled down her breakfast-like lunch and bundled up for her trek into town.
Something had bothered her last night: she had looked for Mrs. Thornton at her party and had only seen her once.
But she had heard her voice from the back kitchen, several times.
Why hadn't she taken part in the party?
And then the answer dawned on Allie.
Mrs. Thatcher couldn't be at her party, because she was working back in the kitchen running her party!
It was Mrs. Thatcher who had given her party, not her Auntie Rosie as she had originally thought!
Her Dad had explained to her last night that Auntie Rosie said she wished it had been her idea, but she was just helping.
A broad smile found its way across Allie's face.
She had solved the mystery all by herself, and she was now on a mission!
Excited, Allie picked up speed and practically ran the rest of the way to the Mercantile...
"Mrs. Yost, may I be a little late today," she begged, out of breath. "It's really important!"
"What is it, Child?"
"I need to find Mrs. Thornton."
"Go now, Allie! She's at the Library. You take as much time as you need!"
Allie kissed and hugged Mrs. Yost.
"Thank you so much! I promise I'll make it up to you!"
"There's nothing to make up, Dear Child. I'll see you when you're done. And Allie, best of luck!"
Allie gave the biggest smile, then turned and ran down the steps of the Mercantile, and ran straight to the Library...
But when she got there, the door was locked.
She knocked, but no answer.
"Mrs. Thatcher, it's me, Allie. Can we talk?"
Sitting down on the floor amid stacks of books she was sorting, Elizabeth hesitated. This was the talk she was dreading. Yet, here it was, much earlier than she had expected.
She said a quick prayer.
"Please, Dear God, help me find the right words for this child to see the true me," she whispered.
"Yes, Allie, I'm coming!"
Slowly, Elizabeth opened the door, fighting a multitude of feelings.
"You've been crying, Mrs. Thornton. What's wrong?"
Elizabeth gathered Allie to her. The young girl hugged her back tightly. Despite all the hurts the woman had inflicted on her.
The beauty of that moment was not lost on Elizabeth as only a child could ignore her own hurt to ease the hurt of someone else, especially when that someone had hurt her so badly.
The very thought filled Elizabeth with shame.
But she had to move forward, and she had to have this difficult discussion. If Allie, as young as she was, could do it, surely she could do it too!
"Allie, do you mind if I lock the door back so we can have privacy? I promise you'll be safe."
Allie nodded, but hesitantly.
"Why don't we just leave it open, and if someone comes in, we'll just stop talking. How does that sound?" asked Elizabeth recognizing and respecting Allie's hesitation.
"That sounds good, Mrs. Thornton. I know you gave me my party, and I want to thank you."
Elizabeth gasped, shocked that Allie had figured it out, and even more shocked that Allie was thanking her.
"Oh, Allie, can that be our little secret, please?"
"I don't know. I don't keep things from Dad. He wouldn't like that."
"That's fair."
"Why don't we sit here at the table, Allie?"
They both took a chair across from each other.
"I just don't understand, Mrs. Thornton. I know you loved us before, and I even think you love us now. But I just don't understand…I just don't understand why you left us!"
Tears glistened in Allie's eyes.
"You hurt us really bad, Mrs. Thornton, and then you left us. Why?
"I know I have, and I'm so very sorry for that! Allie, I've never lied to you and never will. But to answer your question, I have to give you an adult answer. Do you think you can handle all the ugliness?"
Allie nodded resolutely.
"I'm going to give you facts as I know them, not excuses. Because other than the facts, I don't even understand why I did what I did, myself. But know, Allie, none of that was the real me. I do, however, have to take responsibility for all of it."
Elizabeth paused to gather her courage.
"Years ago, my husband Jack was killed in a landslide on a Mountie mission. I loved him very much, as much as I knew how to love at that very young age. We had just gotten married, and when he died, I wanted to die too. But I couldn't because I found out I was expecting Jack. I was going to be a mother, so I shoved all my grief aside and focused on being the very best mother I knew how to be because that was my new job. But you see, Allie, you know with your own mother's death, you can't shut grief out. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it, and it can overtake you if you allow it to."
Allie listened intently to every word, knowing firsthand that Mrs. Thornton was telling the truth about grief, because, sadly, Allie, at her young age, had experienced all of grief's ups and downs herself.
But she was also trying her best to understand everything else Mrs. Thornton was saying.
"When you and your father came to Hope Valley, the truth is I loved you both from the first moment I saw you. Both you and your father. The more I saw you and your Dad, the more I loved you both. But that love terrified me because your Dad is a Mountie, just like my Jack was. Something twisted in my mind and made me think if I married your father, I would lose him just like I lost Jack, and I just knew I wouldn't be able to live through that."
"Why?"
"Because as much as I loved Jack, I had grown up because of his death, and that made me able to love more, to love deeper. You see, Allie, now, I knew I could lose my loves, and that made them even more precious to me. Do you understand?"
"Not completely. Did you love my Dad and me more?"
"I did, Allie. I loved you both so much that I couldn't bear the thought of losing you."
"But we weren't going anywhere!"
"My brain wouldn't let me believe that, Allie. It kept telling me the more I loved you, the bigger the hurt was going to be when I lost you. I barely survived losing Jack, I couldn't possibly lose you and your Dad, or even just your Dad."
"So, if Dad died, you mean you wouldn't want me, right? I need the truth, Mrs. Thornton."
"No, I wanted you no matter what. But you see, Allie, love between a man and a woman is different. Marriage is different. A husband and wife give their all to each other. I loved your Dad so much, I knew I couldn't bear to lose him if he was ever to be my husband. But whatever would have happened, I would always want you with me. That was non-negotiable. But see, without your Dad as my husband, I had no legal claim on you."
"So, you didn't stop loving me?"
"No, Dear Child, I could no more stop loving you, than I could stop loving my own son, Jack."
"You mean that? You love me like you love Jack?"
"With all my heart, Allie! Pinkie swear!"
The two interlocked their smallest fingers, both now with tears.
Elizabeth scooted over and gathered Allie to her, and the two sobbed together for what seemed like hours.
When they collected themselves, Allie was ready to ask her remaining questions.
"Did you love Mr. Bouchard like you loved my Dad?"
"The truth, Allie, I didn't love Mr. Bouchard at all."
"Then why were you with him?"
"The only things I can figure out are that he was safe because I didn't love him, and it wouldn't kill me to lose him. I also mistakenly thought I was less likely to lose him because he wasn't a Mountie. He also courted me like my husband used to court me, too, and in all truth, he was like the boys and men I grew up with in Hamilton."
"Were you going to marry him?"
"I pretended that I was, but no, I was never going to be able to marry him. And he knows that."
"So, you didn't love him, and you weren't going to ever marry him? That doesn't make sense to me, but I'm trying to understand. So, he was just a friend to you?"
"I'm ashamed to admit we weren't even really that, Allie. I've talked more to you than I've ever talked to him."
"Mrs. Thornton, do you love my Dad?"
"With all my heart and all my being."
"Then you've made a huge mistake. Because, I know he loves you, and I know personally that when my Dad loves you, he loves you with all his heart. You've hurt him so badly. How are we going to fix this? He just keeps telling me it's complicated."
"I'm not at all sure, Allie. It is complicated. But I will tell you what I was trying to do. I was trying to show you and him through actions that you mattered to me, that I truly loved you both."
All at once, Allie knew everything.
"You not only gave my party. You're also the one giving my Dad and me gifts! Why did you not just tell us?"
"Because I hurt you both so badly, I didn't think either of you would listen. The words are in my heart to say, Allie. I just didn't think you or your father were ready to hear them."
Allie thought long and hard.
"Are you sorry you hurt us? Because, like I said, you hurt both of us really bad!"
"I am so very sorry I hurt both you and your father, Allie, and I'm so ashamed too. Neither you nor your dear father deserved my harshness, my hurt. And I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it right if you and your Dad will only let me!"
Allie was still thinking, so Elizabeth spoke again.
"I've already asked God to forgive me, for all my ugliness and horrid behavior, Allie. And He has. I've also asked your Auntie Rosemary, your Uncle Bill, Mr. and Mrs. Yost, and even Mr. Bouchard to forgive me, and they have."
"But you still haven't asked Dad or me, and you hurt us the worst."
"That is true. The apologies to you and your Dad are the most important ones to me, and just as I said, they are right here in my heart, waiting to be said. I just felt I needed to show you how much I loved you first before I should say the words."
"If we love you again, will you promise never to hurt me or my Dad?"
"I promise I will never intentionally hurt you or your Dad again, so help me, God. But, Allie, we are human, and sometimes we disappoint each other without meaning to, but that's unintentional, without any harm meant. I will protect you and your dad against even unintentional hurt with all my being, as much as possible. And that's all any human can truthfully do."
"Dad's already explained that to me, so I understand. But how are we going to fix this mess, Mrs. Thornton? Because I think we're supposed to be a family. Do you?"
"I do, Allie, but that's up to your father. And I've hurt him badly. I'm not sure I know how to make him understand how very much I love him, or even if it matters to him enough now to change things."
"Dad doesn't know I know this, but I overheard Uncle Bill talking with him. Dad knows you love him. And he knows he loves you. He just doesn't know if he can trust you, now."
"That's why I'm trying to show him. And you."
Allie bit her lip and looked around the room.
"I've never kept a secret from Dad. But I think maybe this secret that you're doing all this for us is best to keep for a while until Dad can figure it out on his own. But one other thing bothers me, why are you doing all this secretly?"
It was a question Elizabeth hadn't expected, and she thought a minute about how best to explain it.
"Because if I had told you, it was me, it would have felt selfish, like I was doing all these things to make you love me because that was what I wanted. And that's not what I'm doing, even though I want very much for you both to love me. If we ever come together as a family, Allie, I want it to be because each of us loves the other, and trusts the other. That's the only way a family can truly work."
"I love you, Mrs. Thornton, and I still believe you are my mother."
"I love you, Allie, and I still know, no matter what, you are my daughter. You've had that piece of my heart from the very beginning, Dear, Precious Child…"
. . .
*24. I Timothy 4:12, The Holy Bible, King James Version, Public Domain