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A HOPE VALLEY CHRISTMAS
Chapter XI
"Christmas Eve"
Part II
"And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ,
and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself,
not imputing their trespasses unto them;
and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation."
II Corinthians 5:18-19*
. . .
After the scripture was completed and before the spotlight fell on her, Allie discreetly nudged Jack into moving to his spot in the front row.
Angela started softly playing "O Holy Night." (*31)
The spotlight shone on Allie, who truly looked like a real-live angel!
She smiled brilliantly and, at the end of the introduction, calmly began singing her solo with clarity, in both words and her heart, with the children joining her on choruses:
O holy night, the stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth;
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn;
Chorus
Fall on your knees, Oh hear the angel voices!
O divine night! O night when Christ was born.
O night, O holy night, O divine night.
Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming;
With glowing hearts by his cradle we stand:
So, led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here come the wise men from Orient land,
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger,
In all our trials born to be our friend;
Chorus
He knows our need, To our weakness no stranger!
Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King! your King! before him bend!
Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is Love and His gospel is Peace;
Chains shall he break, for the slave is our brother,
And in his name all oppression shall cease,
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful Chorus raise we;
Let all within us praise his Holy name!
Chorus
Christ is the Lord, then ever! ever praise we!
His pow'r and glory, evermore proclaim!
His pow'r and glory, evermore proclaim! (*32)
Allie hit every single note perfectly!
What a remarkable job she had done!
Nathan just beamed with pride, and Elizabeth placed her free hand over her heart.
But it was Nathan who supported her, when a shocked Elizabeth watched her son sing out the first phrase of each chorus with gusto, overpowering the entire choir.
Of course, the words sounded a bit differently than the original, according to Jack's interpretations, but went something like this:
"All on ar knees," "E nose ar need," and "Kyce is de Lawd," then he just hummed the rest, but that too was done with intense concentration and vigor!
Ripples of coughs flowed through the church's congregation at every chorus, trying their level best to not laugh.
Elizabeth was mortified.
But Nathan sat there, looking just as proud of Jack as he was of Allie.
He glanced at Elizabeth and saw her dismay.
"He's just making a joyful noise unto the Lord, which is exactly what he's supposed to be doing," whispered Nathan.
Elizabeth relaxed and tightened her grip on Nathan's hand.
Both Allie and Jack looked in the direction of their parents, and seeing them sitting together just smiled the biggest smiles possible!
Nathan gave Elizabeth a little smile, tightening his own grip on Elizabeth's hand, and in that very moment, all was right in the world…
At the end of the Pageant, everyone gathered around the children with their hearty congratulations.
But all Allie and Jack wanted to do was run to their parents.
Allie had to stay up front to greet the parishioners, but being little, Jack slipped away and ran straight to Nathan.
"Me sing!"
"You did a marvelous job, Jack! Just marvelous," bragged Nathan, picking him up with his free arm.
"It was wonderful, Son! I'll never forget it," added Elizabeth nervously.
Although Jack noticed his Mama holding hands with his best friend, Nathan and Elizabeth were totally unaware they were still holding hands.
But others around them were noticing and rejoicing!
"Praise God! It worked," shrieked Florence in a very loud stage whisper.
And although Nathan and Elizabeth were totally unaware, much of the talk going on was about two subjects instead of one: of course, the rousing success of the Pageant but also, the even greater success of Hope Valley's collective match-making!
When Allie finally got away from all the people with congratulatory remarks, she hurried to Nathan and Elizabeth, and hugged them both, with Jack in there too!
"Perfect job, Allie! So, so beautiful. You hit every single note," complimented her Dad, bending to give her a kiss. "I'm so very proud!"
"It was a stellar job, Allie! So beautiful and moving at the same time," smiled Elizabeth, while hugging her with her free arm.
Allie, who missed nothing, was beyond thrilled to see her Dad and Mrs. Thornton holding hands.
But perceptive, take-charge Allie knew she had a job to do!
She hurried back up front to the Director of the Pageant, who was still greeting the people of Hope Valley and receiving flowery congratulations for a job well done!
Still, if anyone could help her, Allie knew it would be her Auntie Rosie...
"Auntie Rosie," she tugged on Rosemary's suit jacket. Look!"
Allie directed her Auntie's gaze toward her Dad and Mrs. Thornton.
Rosemary gasped when she realized they were holding hands.
"Finally! It's about time! Thank the Good Lord up above!" and Rosemary dramatically crossed her hands on her heart.
"But Auntie Rosie, what will Jack and I do because Dad and Mrs. Thornton need to talk!"
"We'll fix that! Allie, you and Jack are coming to visit Lee and me tonight."
"But it's Christmas Eve! Is that alright?"
"Alright? Why it's perfect! I just happen to be making Christmas cookies when I finish here, and I need all the help I can get."
"But what if they need to talk for a really long time?"
"Actually, you're right. They do need a lot of time," agreed Rosemary. "I have an idea! You two are going to spend the entire night. Jack has pajamas at our house, and I have an extra gown and robe if you don't mind wearing them."
Allie reached up and kissed her Auntie Rosie.
"Auntie Rosie, you are the best…"
Nathan and Elizabeth walked to their rowhouses, with Nathan carrying Jack, and Elizabeth's arms wrapped around Allie.
What they still didn't realize, they had never let go of each other's hands.
"Well, we're here, munchkins! Say goodnight to your parents," instructed Rosemary.
"Rosemary, are you sure you want to do this? It is Christmas Eve," whispered Nathan.
"Can't think of a better time!"
"Thank you," mouthed Nathan.
"Allie, Happy Christmas Eve! Be good for your Auntie Rosie and your Uncle Lee. Help with Jack, too, please, as much as you can!"
"I will, Dad. Happy Christmas Eve! This is going to be our best Christmas yet!"
"Allie, hold on. Mrs. Thornton and I have a lot of talking to do. So don't get ahead of things."
"I know," grinned Allie, completely undeterred. "It's going to be alright, Dad. I just know it!"
"And you know that how?"
Allie pointed to her heart.
Nathan reached and kissed her, as Elizabeth said good night to Jack, and kissed him one last time.
It wasn't lost on Nathan, that as soon as Lee took Jack, Elizabeth reached to kiss Allie goodnight, too.
"Hey, are you two alright?"
"We're better than alright, Dad!" smiled Allie.
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows.
"Smart girl!" she agreed. "We are absolutely better than alright!"
Nathan just shook his head, as Allie pulled him down to whisper one last thing.
"I love her, Dad, and she's supposed to be my Mama too. So, don't mess this up!"
"Just hold off on the excitement. Understand? We have an awful lot to work through, Allie Girl!"
After a round of hugs with Rosemary and Lee, the Coulters took their borrowed children inside, leaving Nathan and Elizabeth alone in the snow, still holding hands...
"Where do we go?" asked Elizabeth.
"I think my place," answered Nathan.
"Your place, it is!"
"Do you need anything first? Do you need to change to be more comfortable?"
"You always are thinking about the other person. But, no, I'm fine, Nathan. I don't think I could leave you for anything right now. I'm ready for us to talk, that is if you are?"
Nathan lifted their joined hands and kissed the part of her hand he could find, causing butterflies to explode throughout her body.
This was their first-ever kiss, and she would never, ever forget it.
Even in the dark, she could see his sparkling eyes, as he responded.
"Then talking, it is…"
Once inside Nathan's house, he gallantly helped Elizabeth out of her coat, scarf, and gloves.
First, he turned on the Christmas Tree lights and lit a few candles Allie had used to decorate.
Then he built a fire.
Elizbeth watched every single move he made.
When the fire was roaring, he noticed Elizabeth was still nervously standing.
"Why don't you take a seat and relax, Elizabeth, while I fix us some hot cider?"
She did as he suggested, in spite of wanting nothing more than to be by his side.
But instead, she sat on his settee, praying.
"Please, Dear God, once more, help me to say the right words, but this time so that Nathan sees the real me."
But then a strange thought came to Elizabeth, one she would never have imagined.
"Though nervous, I feel more at home here with Nathan than I do in my own rowhouse!" she muttered in a low voice…
In the kitchen, Nathan was doing some praying of his own.
"Help me to truly forgive her and, even more, help me to trust her again. Help us to not let false pride get in the way. There are four of us in this, but the four won't work unless Elizabeth and I do. Help us to see your Will for all of our lives."
He first grated ginger and nutmeg into the cider, then added a dash of cinnamon, along with a hefty amount of sugar.
Next, he sliced two apples.
Though outwardly calm, his mind was racing.
The time was now for Elizabeth and him to sort through this mess of the last year.
He knew deep in his heart, his and Allie's future, as well as Elizabeth's and Jack's future, was riding on the direction of this conversation, and the thought was daunting.
Especially since the largest part of him simply wanted to hold Elizabeth close, and never let her go.
While still deep in thought, he waited on the cider to steep, and absentmindedly prepared a tray of candies and cookies that people in the town had made and given him for the Holidays.
At the same time, he did his best to make sense of all the contradictory thoughts racing through his mind.
When the cider was finally hot, he got two large mugs, poured the cider, and added a slice of candied orange on top, just like his mother had always done.
Finally, everything was ready, the food and drink, as well as his collective thoughts…
But as Nathan carried the tray into the living room, he saw that Elizabeth really was sitting there, waiting for him, and the mere sight of her took his breath away.
'Stay focused, Grant!' he told himself. 'This is the most important night of your life so far!'
With a nervous smile, he set the tray holding Christmas goodies and mugs of steaming cider down on the low table in front of Elizabeth. He then took one of the mugs and positioned himself comfortably in his favorite leather chair across from her.
"This looks lovely, Nathan!"
She managed a smile, yet disappointment poured over her that he hadn't sat by her, but deep down, she understood.
She took a sip of hot cider.
"This is really delicious, Nathan. Thank you!"
"It's an old recipe from my mother. Her own version of Wassail. She made it every Christmas Eve for us, so it's sort of become a tradition with Allie and me too."
She was mentally ready to lay her soul bare.
However, she wasn't expecting what Nathan said next.
"You planned Allie's party."
He stated the words simply in a most matter-of-fact manner.
"How did you know?"
"The party was you, Elizabeth."
Elizabeth was shocked that he knew her that well, yet she knew she shouldn't be.
Nathan Grant paid attention to detail. Whether that was all Mountie Training or simply him, she wasn't quite sure.
Nathan continued.
"And you are our secret gift and kindness giver."
Again, it wasn't a question, just a statement of purported fact.
"How long have you known?"
"Lizbeth, no one but a Mountie or a Mountie's wife would know how to tack up a horse, Mountie style. And you did it flawlessly, by the way."
Her breath caught! How she had longed to hear him say that version of her name again.
Had it just slipped?
Elizabeth was still spluttering as Nathan calmly went on.
"Also, my boots haven't looked that polished since the Academy!"
"That's when you knew?"
"Not exactly. When I finally understood that Bill was telling the truth, I realized you are the one who still has Jack's keys to my office."
"I'm sorry, Nathan!"
"Don't be sorry," and that's when that crooked grin started. "Look at all the good food I would have missed!"
"Nathan, I did it to show you and Allie how very much I love you. I know you love me or loved me, but I also know you can't possibly trust me now," admitted Elizabeth. "Not after what I've done. I suppose in some small way, I thought the secret gifts and little kindnesses might be a way to start to rebuild that trust."
He could see the hurt in her eyes, the deep remorse for what she had done.
"Do you want to rebuild that trust, Elizabeth?"
"Desperately, Nathan. With both you and Allie. I'll do anything!"
"Yet you haven't apologized."
"No, because I didn't feel like either of you was ready to hear words that would feel empty, even though they were real and from my heart. Although I should tell you, that this past Wednesday, I did apologize to Allie."
Nathan raised his eyebrows. She could tell this was news to him, although he had gathered that very thing from his daughter's comments earlier tonight.
"It wasn't planned. She came to the library while I was there, and we talked for a long time. She asked me some really tough questions, and I answered them as honestly as I could. I hope you're not angry."
"Elizabeth, I rarely get angry. On the job, yes, occasionally. At home, with the people I love, no."
She nodded, knowing he was speaking the truth.
He continued cautiously.
"You and Allie have needed to clear the air for a long time now."
Then he was silent for a moment before he spoke.
"Did Allie fully forgive you?"
Elizabeth's face lit up.
"Yes, she did, Nathan, and that meant the world to me! Means the world to me!"
He looked at her, trying to read between the lines.
"Nathan, you should know I've already asked forgiveness from God for all the horrible things I've done to you and Allie, and He has forgiven me. He's given me a peace I've been desperately lacking for a very long time."
"I know," he barely whispered.
"How?"
"I can see the peace in your face. It wasn't there before."
"I also apologized to Rosemary, Bill, Florence and Ned Yost, and Lucas. I wanted…"
"You don't have to explain, Elizabeth."
"But I do. I've made an awful mess of things. If we are ever going to be anything at all to each other, even just friends, I need you to know everything. There can't be anything at all standing between us."
Nathan nodded slowly.
"Do you know why I ran to Lucas?"
"You ran because I told you I loved you, and it scared you. I blame myself for that."
"That first part is true, but you shouldn't blame yourself for any of this. Everything's on me and my poor decisions. Not you! I was scared, but not because of you. I was scared because you were a Mountie. I was scared because I loved you more than I have loved anyone in my life, and I knew firsthand from experience that I couldn't survive losing you. I know now that this doesn't make any sense, but it was like my brain kept telling me if we were together, I would lose you, just like I lost Jack, and I couldn't bear the thought. So, I ran."
"But why Lucas?"
"Because if I pretended enough with him, I couldn't possibly give in and be with you."
Nathan remained silent as Elizabeth continued.
"Because he was there! Because he reminded me of Jack with all his candles and flowers. Because he reminded me of all the slick boys and men I was raised with in Hamilton!"
Nathan still said nothing.
"Nathan, I give you my word, I never ever loved him. Not for a single second!"
"But don't you see that is worse, Elizabeth?"
"I do now, Nathan. I also want you to know I've only kissed Lucas twice. That day on the bridge…"
"Which Allie saw."
"Oh no!"
"All your students saw, Elizabeth."
Elizabeth covered her face in shame.
"I don't say that to shame you but to let you know. I believe in any relationship it's critical to be open, honest, and always truthful, just as you implied."
Elizabeth nodded in agreement.
"I only kissed him that day on the bridge and then again that night in the library. And it wasn't even because I wanted to. I did it only to convince him we were going to be a couple, and possibly to convince myself, if that makes any sense at all. His kisses repulsed me. They did then, and they do now. After that, I refused."
Nathan said nothing.
"I would give anything if I could take them back. He and I never even talked, Nathan. He talked, and I listened. He was controlling, and I let him be. I look back now and don't even recognize myself throughout the whole time I spent with him. I'm so very ashamed and so deeply sorry!"
Still, Nathan said nothing.
"I know being with him hurt you deeply, each and every time you saw us. And I'm so very sorry. Do you have questions? I'll tell you anything you want to know."
"No, I don't. I would prefer if we never speak of him again in the context of having courted you after tonight. Say what you must tonight, but never again."
"Then that's what we'll do," agreed Elizabeth solemnly.
"Elizabeth, I knew it was a game with him. I knew he was using you as much as you were using him. And the sad thing is that through it all, I knew you still loved me. But what hurts me most is that you never once talked to me or gave me the opportunity to help you. You didn't trust me, Elizabeth. Not even as a friend."
"I didn't trust myself, Nathan. I was trying to be strong, and I thought I was saving myself from certain grief. I'm so deeply sorry! I know now how crazy this sounds. But it's all the truth. And if I could change it all, I would in a heartbeat. Not because I want to impress you, but the truth is I can barely live with myself when I remember."
Elizabeth thought a moment.
"Nathan, I fell in love with you the first moment I met you. The same with Allie. And every time I saw you, I just fell more and more in love. This isn't an excuse, but I realize now, I never truly grieved Jack. All that grief was right there at the surface, and I think that's why the possibility of losing you was so very real to me."
"That does make sense. And I do understand that. But Elizabeth, I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me, who doesn't talk to me about their problems, who doesn't even value my opinions. As much as I love you, and I do, I just can't."
"Nathan, now that I'm myself again, I couldn't either. You are the kindest, gentlest man I know, but at the same time, the most self-assured. And you can be steel when you want to be. You are the only man I love, the only man I trust. The only man I value and want as a partner. I give you my word, the real Elizabeth is back for good. I could never, ever fall back into that dark place again. And, moving forward, I will never exclude you from anything as long as I live."
"Can you really know that is true? Because I can't live through seeing you distance yourself from me again. I just can't, Elizabeth! It hurt too much. If we're going to move forward together, I have to be one hundred percent sure I have all of you. Not that you wouldn't have your independence. I don't mean it that way at all."
"I know you don't. I know exactly what you mean, and I feel the exact same way. Nathan. A relationship is doomed if two people can't give their all to each other. And in those terms, what I had with Lucas wasn't even a relationship, much less a courtship."
Elizabeth got up and knelt before Nathan, taking both his hands.
"As God is my witness, I want nothing more than to give you my all. I will never distance myself from you again, Nathan Grant, that is if you'll have me…."
The two talked all night long, with both speaking their mind about their past, present, and dreams for the future.
Somehow they were even able to go back and revisit the way things had been between them prior to this past year, with both remembering just how easily their conversations had flowed, as well as how much they mattered to each other, even without dating.
Their conversations, although difficult, were thorough and truthful, even painful at times, leaving nothing out.
As the hours wore on, it was conclusive that each was fighting to support the other. There was no tearing down between them. Everything was discussed with the utmost mutual respect, with each of them doing everything possible to see the other's perspective.
But short of the single time Elizabeth held Nathan's hands, they remained separate physically with not even hand-holding between them, although both longed for each other's touch.
They longed for the comfort, the love, they had felt at the Pageant, that was palpably there, simply through holding each other's hand.
Yet both knew only words were needed tonight.
Important words, critical words that would define the course of their lives, moving forward.
When their private words were finally finished, both felt they had at least moved from their painful past into their present, while their future still hung over them.
But they were drawn to each other in an inexplicable way, and both of them knew it...
"Oh no, Nathan! It's Christmas morning, and I promised Jack that I'd get him his own Nativity Scene. He's going to be so disappointed!"
Without a word, Nathan calmly went to his tree and selected a big box under it.
He then placed it in front of Elizabeth.
"But I don't have a present for you, Nathan!"
He bent and cupped her chin, lifting her face to look at him.
"You have given both Allie and me an inordinate number of presents and kindnesses this past week. And tonight, we've walked through a painful history to finally reach our present. You are my real gift, Lizbeth."
She breathed a sigh of relief.
"Am I to open this now?"
Nathan grinned.
"This is your gift from me, Elizabeth. I think you should."
Elizabeth carefully unwrapped the present, and when she finally opened the box, tears flowed down her face.
"This is the most beautiful, intricate Nativity Scene I have ever seen, including the one we had in Hamilton! How did you do this, Nathan? How? This must have taken months to carve."
"Actually, I made it last year, and yes, it did take months to carve. Yet it was my joy, a labor of love, Lizbeth."
He nervously looked down at the floor, wondering if he should tell her, but they had just promised to leave nothing between them unsaid.
"It was to be your Christmas present then, but..." he admitted in a low voice, not knowing what else to say.
She instantly flung herself on him, not knowing if he would welcome her touch at all.
But he embraced her and held her, while she listened to his heartbeat, lowering his chin to her hair, just like that day so long ago,
She could even feel the warmth of his breath on her skin, his heart beating so rapidly in his chest, matching her own.
There was no doubt whatsoever for either of them.
Nathan and Elizabeth were finally and unequivocally home…
. . .
*30. II Corinthians 5:18-19, The Holy Bible, King James Version, Public Domain
*31-32. "O Holy Night," Originally entitled Cantique de Noel, Lyrics Placide Cappeau, 1843, Music Adolphe Adam, 1847, Public Domain