2.19 "The Kiss" episode alternative #3, starting with the walk back to the car, in which Jack realizes he has inadvertently hurt Sue's feelings and seeks to remedy his misspoken words.
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"Uh, you were really good back there," Jack said, mostly for want of something to say as he walked Sue back to her car. She looked at him in surprise, and he realized what it sounded like he meant. "I mean, uh, the deposition line," he quickly clarified.
"Yeah, you too, with the deposition. That was quick thinking." She swallowed hard, clearly uncomfortable with him.
"Good teamwork," he added. She did see that they'd worked together, right? The last thing he wanted was for her to think he'd taken advantage of his position as her training agent and team lead.
"It's all about teamwork," she agreed, but her continued discomfort was strongly evident. He couldn't tell if she was embarrassed, ashamed, or . . . afraid of him. It was the last concern that prompted him to more directly try to clarify what he'd intended.
"Y-you know that moment back there, that was a, a response to a situation."
"Very effective," she'd agreed, nodding.
"Yeah, because I, I would never—" She tilted her head in confusion, and he hesitated, realizing that didn't sound quite like what he meant either. "Well, I mean, I, uhhh—" He scratched his head. How had this gotten worse instead of better?
"Don't worry," she was saying before he could find another way to clarify what he meant. "I'm not going to start throwing myself at you or anything. I mean, it certainly changes our cover story—"
Trying to disentangle himself from the knots he was unwittingly tying, and entirely unsure what her first sentence had meant, he latched onto her second statement and said, "I don't think it's a big problem. Do you?"
She shrugged. "No. Probably just a few more looks around the water cooler."
"Probably not the first time they've seen a boss-secretary thing," Jack added.
And this time he was sure he hadn't imagined it. A clear look of hurt crossed her features, before she looked down at her keys she was fiddling with. "Right. A boss and his secretary having a fling. Nothing more."
She fumbled the keys just then, and as they jingled to the ground, he bent to grab them for her at the same time she picked them up herself. Thankfully, they avoided any collision, but he couldn't shake the sense that each of them holding opposite sides of her set of keys was at least as intimate as the kiss they'd engaged in back there. He wondered for a moment why she hadn't let go yet, before remembering that they were hers and it was he who should let go.
"Well, I better get home," Sue said softly. "See how Lucy and Levi are kissing along." For a moment he wondered if his distraction had led him to mishear her words, until he saw her shock as she registered her own words. "Uh, getting along," she quickly corrected herself.
He couldn't help it. The tension of the evening, the awkward conversations, realizing that he hadn't misheard but she really had misspoken—he laughed.
She frowned. "Good night," she said sharply, almost angrily. She was clearly hurt once again—or possibly still. "See you at the office."
She was climbing into her car already and he knew he couldn't let her leave like that. Before he could consider his actions, he ran around and climbed into her passenger seat.
She huffed. "What are you doing, Jack?"
"We need to talk and I'm not—"
Only when the overhead light clicked on did he realize she couldn't see his lips with the roof of the car shading his face from the street lamps. "What was that?" Her impatience was evident in both her voice and her face.
He took a deep breath. "We need to talk. I think—I think some of what I tried to say—"
"You were very clear, Jack. Jack Buchanan and Sue Miller are having an affair. Jack Hudson and Sue Thomas were just responding to a situation because you would never kiss me under any other circumstances. Got it. Clear as day. Now get out of my car, I'm heading home."
His heart broke at the frustrated, possibly even heartbroken, tears he saw pooling in her eyes. He reached to brush them away for her but she pulled away from him.
Growing up, Jack used to be called on frequently by his mom to help her untangle yarn that she was trying to knit with. Sometimes they were so helplessly tangled that you couldn't even find one end or another, you had to loosen the tangled mass in the middle before you could locate an end to start unknotting.
In this entire bungled mess of a conversation, he had no idea where the ends were to try to untangle. There was only one big knot in the middle that he figured he should give a shot at trying to loosen.
"That's not what I meant when I said I would never."
"Don't worry about it, I know the job,," she responded, trying to shield her face from him so he couldn't see her tears as they started to fall, but in doing so also cutting off her own ability to see his words. "Just go."
He stayed where he was, not touching her since she kept pulling away from him, and not speaking since she wasn't looking. Just being present with her until she was ready for him to continue. He could only hope she would be.
When she finally spoke again, it was to say, "You're still there. Why are you still there?"
He reached over, slowly, like he was reaching toward a wild animal even though in reality he felt like he was the wild animal trying to comfort the loving person he'd accidentally hurt out of instinct. Slowly encouraging her to look at him, he brushed at her tears a bit, mentally willing her to let him take care of her. She didn't pull away this time. After a moment, considering the blur of tears in her vision, he asked, "Can you see my words?"
She nodded.
"I'm still here for two reasons. One, I don't want you driving home upset like this. I'm afraid you might not get home safely and I would never, ever forgive myself for that. And two, because I did not mean I would never kiss you. I—I have wanted to so many times. Barely stopped myself so many times. I only meant, I would never take advantage of you by forcing myself on you like that. Not in regular circumstances. That part—just grabbing you and forcing myself on you like that—that was in response to a situation. I care about you too much—" This was not a moment to prevaricate. He had unwittingly hurt her and no matter what it resulted in for him, he needed to open himself up and be totally honest with her, so she could see just how sincere he was in all he was saying. "I love you too much, to ever take advantage of you like that. I just . . . I didn't want you to be afraid I would . . . would do something like that again. I couldn't bear for you to be afraid of me."
Through her continued tears, she let out a sudden burst of laughter. His heart sunk slightly. This was her response to his confession of love—to laugh at him.
But before he could say anything, apologize or try to walk it back at all, she said, "You? Jack—I kissed you first! Why would I be afraid of you?"
He frowned. "What? No, you—we saw Janice coming, and you asked what we do, and I said trust me, and—"
"And I nodded, and then kissed you," she finished for him.
"No, you nodded, so I kissed you," he argued.
They stared at each other a moment longer, then both started laughing. "Oh, gosh," Sue said. "I thought you were trying to let me down easy and make sure I knew that was only for in-character and nothing we should ever repeat!"
"No, I only wanted to make sure you knew I wouldn't try to make demands of you or force anything from you!"
Her laughter subsided a bit as she gazed at him, both lovingly and quite seriously. "Jack, I know that. I've known you long enough—it would be hard for you to ever make me afraid of you. You would have to do something totally out of character to even have a chance of that, and even then I'd question if someone had drugged you or something."
"Totally out of character like suddenly grabbing you and making out with you in the middle of an undercover operation?" he teased.
"I kissed you first," she argued back, and both chuckled again. She bit her lip and added, "But, um . . . you did say you loved me first."
"I did," he confirmed, nodding as he poured that love from his eyes to hers.
"Well," she responded, reaching over and adjusting his tie slightly, "as it happens . . . I love you too."
He grinned. "Huh. Well, this is . . . some kind of situation we've found ourselves in."
"Isn't it?"
"Mm-hmm. But thankfully . . . I think I know just the right response."
So did she—as their lips met, she reached up to turn the dome light off!
