The World That Never Will Be Chapter 13
by the infamous and notorious tocasia
1/31/2019
CHAPTER 13
Sephiroth was struck by the irony of what she'd said. And the kiss.
A harmless enough expression. It was probably an impulsive act, like that hug in the darkness. But on some level, she'd meant it. Which left him trying to decide if he wanted to encourage that.
He'd purposefully avoided taking advantage. Friendship was his honest goal. Certainly, she was beautiful because of her strength. He wanted her to be well, would be pleased if she were happy...
Should he manipulate her not to fall in love with him?
No. The way she was was nice. It was said that a heart full of love repelled the darkness.
And so Sephiroth would let Aqua love him for a while more.
He kissed her back, on the forehead. "There. A happiness returned."
They found breakfast waiting for them at the camp: still-warm cinnamon rolls. Aqua was careful not to burn her tongue on the second bite.
Everything was delicious until the reminder of the source.
Cloud lay slumped in the shade of a nearby rock, sentry whose vigilance was forced.
It was wrong.
You knew this, Aqua. Sephiroth's darkness... You knew.
...you kissed him anyway.
Sephiroth tracked the direction of her gaze. "It bothers you."
Of course it did! After what Xehanort had almost done to her...
"I'll send him away." Sephiroth licked frosting from his fingers as delicately as was possible to do. Cloud stood up.
"No."
"No?" Curiosity ruled his features, not anger. Sephiroth looked cute when he was puzzled. No! Focus, Aqua!
"That won't help. It's the fact that you're controlling him at all."
Maybe she was making a mistake. She was being overprotective of an enemy. Cloud would've killed her, and she him. It wasn't personal. Why did it matter? What Sephiroth chose to do with his enemy was his business...
...but his mercy was monstrous...
"It's wrong."
Sephiroth stared at her adamant assertion, strangely fond. "You have a compassion I have long forsaken."
"Compassion isn't weakness!"
"I didn't say it was. But there may not be a better solution. You understand that."
She wished she didn't.
"I'm surprised you object so strongly, Master Aqua. Are you afraid?"
Was she? If she disagreed again, would he control her, too? Could he?
Maybe if she asked, he'd let Cloud go. But then what?
Would Sephiroth refuse to help her out of spite?
...did she still want his help?
"You don't have to be."
He was like Xehanort...
Did you enslave her, too?
Cloud's furious words had been enough to make her doubt. Was she was here of her own will, or...?
Had she had a choice at all when Sephiroth had asked to travel with her?
And the feelings she had for him...
"You saved me. You helped me. Did you..."
...he was watching her so closely...
"...did you make me love you?"
"No."
"I think I believe you. It's just that..."
Aqua wanted to dash behind the tent, where she could hide her face.
"I... need a moment alone. Please excuse me."
There was the vulnerability he'd chosen not to exploit; the tangle of manifest emotions he could toy with. He decided he still would not.
Sephiroth gave her the privacy she requested.
He sighed. He should have known that Cloud could ruin things simply by existing.
Maybe he should have let Aqua pass out after the battle and lied about where Cloud had gone.
...he should not have let her see him control Cloud!
But he'd been so pleased with her, considered her so much an ally, trusted her so completely in that instant! So glad was he of her survival, and his own, that he'd forgotten again. Trust earned rather than obedience demanded! She had opinions that counted, and now hers of him had plummeted.
...would she dare compare him to Xehanort to his face? She might.
Have I disturbed you so deeply, Master Aqua? With only this?
Then no matter how close we become, you can never know what else I've done!
You're very brave to challenge my methods. Are you secure in your power, or in my patience?
...it was entirely possible that he could not salvage this within the rules he'd originally set for himself.
His window for a near-effortless takeover was waning. Sephiroth hoped similar limitations applied to Xehanort. He knew so little of hearts...
Pretty Master Aqua. He loved her for what she'd done for him. Because of her, he had peace of mind at last. But if she didn't feel the same... if she felt primarily shame in his company...
Perhaps their friendship was not to be. Perhaps he'd always liked the idea of protecting her more than its reality.
He didn't owe her anything. He'd already given her back the light.
With sufficient preparation, there would be nothing to mourn.
No.
His intentions were noble. He would accept the effects of the free will he had chosen for her.
He was a god. He need not fear rejection. Whether she trusted him or not was up to her.
...she'd be a fool to decline his help against Xehanort over something as insignificant as Cloud.
The darkness would perish either way.
He drifted awhile in that pleasant thought. So it was fated!
When Aqua returned, she was looking better. Cleaner. Pristine except for her tear-reddened eyes. Some kind of enchantment on her clothes that she'd renewed, or a power of the keyblade? Being able to tend to her appearance was a good sign, more evidence of her astoundingly quick recovery.
"It's dumb," she sat down next to him, "I don't like crying. But I guess... I should be grateful that I can? The darkness stole so much."
"What would you like to do today, Master Aqua?" Sephiroth asked, casually.
He was giving her the option to escape her earlier embarrassing admission. Or, if he was being manipulative, to defer her conflicted judgment. Aqua decided to take it.
"Explore. I feel like I could sleep for a week, but I should know where we are."
Anything she could do to feel less disoriented should be a priority.
She had to get used to the flow of time again, and needing to eat and breathe, and the idea that in the Realm of Light (where she was!) things can exist that don't mean you harm. She saw the threat of darkness everywhere; hated that conditioning. Years. Would she ever be able to trust like she used to? Constant suspicion, key to survival for so long, was exhausting now, exacerbating irritation; a spiral that had her jumping at shadows. She must shake off this paranoia! Could not allow this weakness...
"First I'll check where we've been before. It'll be comforting to confirm the landscape stays the same."
"Do you want me to come with you?"
Did she? Aqua had to think about it.
I... I'm mad at you! Because... you're not my ideal hero, and you're probably not going to change! You think you're perfect! I'm mad at myself for liking you! Because I was right about your darkness! And I didn't want to be. I'm desperate not to be...
I don't want to be alone.
"I don't want to be alone," Aqua said.
The mid-morning air sweeping the ridge was crisp and wild; the breeze remained.
Sephiroth had stretched out his wing, soaking in the sunlight. Whatever he was contemplating had him smiling. Not a care in the world...
The solidity of the ground reassured Aqua as she'd hoped. This crystalline permanency would not betray. Here were their footprints from before. See? Coarse sand filled cracks where hardy plants had sprouted, smooth surface warming in the sun... no sinister sharpness. The unhowling wind was safe. It was easy to lie on her back and look at the sky, which did not alter from serenity. It was real.
Peaceful silence shared was nice, and her thoughts were calmed, but...
Aqua sat up. "There's... nothing to do here."
"Hmm?"
"It's boring here. It's funny... that's sort of a good thing. A luxury? It's peaceful; I can just relax..."
"Not much of a vacation spot, though." Sephiroth remarked.
"I don't know... the view is fantastic!"
Especially with him in it. He hadn't bothered to put on his coat.
"This place... is quite familiar to me. I fought Sora here... it's the same place I was banished from."
Oh. "So it's hard to be back here then..."
"...it was a minor failure, yes. But now I have the memory of our victory to replace it."
The way he looked at her...
...he liked her. He was proud of her. She had the adoration of someone so beautiful...
It was too intense! Aqua stood to survey the canyon vista from new directions.
Beyond, across the stone sea of rough-hewn fractures and nested ravines, she saw a run-down castle ruin, the tallest tower displaying a red and black heart symbol with an 'X' drawn through it.
"What's that?"
Sephiroth followed where she was pointing. "The emblem of the heartless."
"They've organized under a banner?!"
"No. It was Ansem's standard. Sora defeated him; I don't think we need to be concerned."
...he would think that! Sephiroth wasn't concerned about anything.
...Ansem? The same Ansem?
Aqua listened as Sephiroth continued. "The fort is called Villain's Vale. I'm surprised it still stands; I thought Maleficent had already moved on. If not, she's probably noticed us. We'll be careful, just in case."
"Hmm. I wonder... who else would watch for my return? It shouldn't be a problem; I didn't make many enemies last time. Whatever they're plotting to do to me... heh."
His voice quieted to amused confusion, "It's... actually more likely that I'll be petitioned for help."
"...Would you like to be the captain of your own pirate ship, Master Aqua?"
"What?"
"I'm sure Captain Hook would reward me for killing that crocodile. Or maybe the Queen of Hearts is hiring an executioner? 'Off with their heads!'"
...Sephiroth did a perfect imitation of the queen. Aqua stifled a giggle.
"Radiant Garden is that way."
...it was. Aqua could see the white spired towers and flags.
Sephiroth concentrated a moment, his brow furrowed. "It's in better shape than it was, but still more construction site than town. Perhaps there have been other incursions of heartless."
She didn't feel well.
"I preferred it as Hollow Bastion. The atmosphere of desperation, the surreal water features, I appreciated Maleficent's dramatic style..."
"Is something wrong? You seem upset. Did you know Radiant Garden?"
"It's too much to talk about right now," Aqua managed.
Thankfully, he didn't press for answers. "Alright."
She couldn't prevent the yawn. "Let's go back to camp. I really could use a nap..."
She slept the rest of the afternoon, dreamless. Emotions were exhausting.
Sephiroth must have already eaten. For her, there was a salad generously heaped with croutons. The cherry tomatoes were bursting-fresh. Aqua made a face at the zucchini slices and responsibly ate them anyway.
Evening came, hushing and reliable.
Sephiroth poked his head inside the tent.
"Have you seen my coat, Master Aqua?"
Yes, she had. It was spread on her lap like a blanket. He hadn't been using it, so...
"May I have it back?"
"Um... we could share it." What had come over her?!
There wasn't anywhere to hide the blush this time.
"Ha! I suppose, if you want, you can keep it tonight. Soon I'll regain enough energy to not mind the temperature." He entered and started smoothing his bedroll.
Oh. Sephiroth probably curled up in his wing at night, and couldn't with his injury...
He'd asked her not to feel guilty. She did need to practice that...
Aqua blurted out the first words that came to mind that weren't a string of apologies. "It's lucky we didn't arrive in Christmas Town or something!" She had the mental image of his feathers going... floof! She shouldn't laugh, she shouldn't laugh, she shouldn't...
Sephiroth smiled. Aqua thought she was going to melt.
"That's true," he said, "Except, weren't there hot springs there? I forgot."
She forgot, too. If she saw him in a towel she would die.
"Hmm. Or... ice skating rinks? Your outfit reminds me of that. Grace and strength and the flowing cloth. And your boots. Do you know how?"
"I can skate, yeah. It's fun."
"Maybe you could show me."
She didn't know any fancy tricks outside of combat; there wasn't time for everything. But...
A tiny frozen pond, she'd lead him by the hand. She imagined softer mittens. Neither of them would fall, and hot chocolate afterwards...
"I think you'd look good in a green scarf," she said.
"Not red?"
"What about... blue?" Aqua suggested.
Sephiroth glanced up, as if trying to remember. "I don't think I've ever worn a scarf in my life."
"You would look good in one."
"Careful, I think you're flirting." His eyes sparkled.
"And what are you doing then?"
"Teasing."
Aqua pulled his coat over her head. "...I'm going to sleep now."
Sephiroth laughed. "Goodnight, Master Aqua."
Aqua lay awake staring at the ceiling.
He'd helped her. He'd saved her. He was the reason she wasn't in the darkness anymore. Sephiroth was beauty, and safety, and without him, Xehanort would have...
They were friends.
It was practical, what Sephiroth had done to Cloud. An enemy killed or captured. What else was there to do?
I understand it; I don't like that about myself. I think... I don't want to be, I can't be, friends with someone who... who has so little regard for others.
But who else can help me?
I've defeated Xehanort myself before... Can I do it again?
I wish... Master Eraqus was here.
Sephiroth offered to help me. It's clear he can. He's better at this than Xehanort.
...Would I throw Terra's freedom away for Cloud's...? Assuming he's still alive, of course. If I think of it like that... it's not even a question! I'm going to save Terra!
Sephiroth's darkness... he's probably done some terrible things. But there's no way he's worse than Xehanort, right? Xehanort, who had destroyed her world...
...she'd trusted Xehanort once, too...
Do you have to know someone's past to justify working together with them? No! What about the other people I've helped? They can't all have been paragons of righteousness either.
I don't regret helping them...
Sephiroth...
It's cute how dramatic he is. He speaks so passionately and gets really involved in whatever he's talking about.
He keeps an impassive expression but his wing gives him away. And the aura... I think I can feel what he does, sometimes.
He has an evil smirk and a villain's laugh.
But also... a quiet smile.
He hasn't hurt me.
He's scary but... I won when I fought him in darkness, didn't I? Dangerous... but I think I can handle it.
...I told a god to shut up and he did.
No, Master Eraqus definitely would not approve of her choice of allies.
But then... he hadn't been the best judge of that in the end...
Aqua turned over in her sleeping bag, nursing stabs of grief at the disloyal thought.
I hate these feelings. I don't know what to do.
...I wish I could go on believing things were as simple as light and darkness.
The vaulted azure skies of Agrabah.
She felt his voice as much as heard it. Strands of his silver hair fell over her shoulders and didn't quite tickle her nose. They were flying so fast, so high. Her eyes and bare fingertips stung from the blessed icy wind. Above her, he was warm. Aqua pointed Master's Defender in the right direction and they flew towards light.
Important Author's Note: Thanks to my brother for the initial reading and for providing helpful and encouraging feedback!