The World That Never Will Be Chapter 18
by the infamous and notorious tocasia
4/17/2019
CHAPTER 18
Sephiroth held her in his arms, content. Uncertainty was dead! He was her choice! His strength, his protection, was her desire!
Pretty Master Aqua, with the resolute coral pink rose color of her lips... how delicately it complemented her skin and eyes and hair... and how healthy she was, how radiant. She did not quite glow with her inner light... but it was there.
Though she still carried shadow, she was in far better shape than she'd been in darkness. It delighted him that he had chosen this recovery for her; this happiness and well-being! ...and that she had chosen it too, for he could not have mended her himself.
Sephiroth ran a hand through her soft hair again, now that she was awake to appreciate the gesture. She tensed at first, nervous living warmth endearing. Unused to touch. Aqua had a longing for it he did not remember ever having had. Did she resent that longing in herself? Yes, to her it was a weakness, an unsafe need, as he considered it also. He would be her exception.
When she relaxed to his petting strokes, her peace was his joy.
"I'm not going to hurt you, Master Aqua."
She murmured, "I know. The darkness is a greater threat than you could ever be," and looked at him with trust he would not betray.
Sephiroth refrained from outwardly scoffing at the notion that the darkness, that anything, could be greater than him in any way. His pulse of irritation was unwarranted.
...and yet... the reminder...
He was less than he should be.
What he'd won had been taken, his violent Revelation stolen! His divinity anonymous, unseen, absent its blood-wreathed celebration! Castaway in the void instead of laureled Lord...
At least none could whisper he was mortal.
Death was not defeat. That had ceased to be surprising. What had been surprising was...
Despite his murderous dissolution at Cloud's hands, his connection to the Planet had not been completely severed. The victims of Meteor... via tenuous bond, their fractured souls rushed to him blindly, a charging torrent of vengeance so swift to mete destruction. To meet it! He welcomed his destined sustenance, laughing through unjust pain at the irony! The repeat fortunate fall! For the greatest strategist, victory by chance!
Then... the darkness tore everything apart. His Lifestream, poisoned by the heartless! Gaea forever outside his grasp, scattered beyond recollection, his rulership denied! With an instant more, had he been aware of their coming, perhaps he could have saved his world...
...saved for what, he no longer had the pleasure of deciding. He may have destroyed it himself.
Now darkness was part of him, too; had infiltrated his essence, mingled with Mako. His darkness. A contamination contained, useful but a poor substitute. Like scar tissue lacking the original's flexibility, a weaker deformity, unreliable.
His secret humiliation.
Even Midgar's lives within him were tainted, broken, decayed to nameless spirit energy, all traces of identity dissolved, memories collapsed, incinerated and inert. Power enough to claim a title, but not the omniscience he deserved. An unfinished god.
And though he sought always to rectify that on his wanderings, bit by bit, in his current state the gathering of knowledge was a maddeningly slow process!
...not that it mattered. What was the hurry? Already, few could challenge him.
If things had gone as they should...
He would not have to care about light, or darkness, or keyblades!
Xehanort would be dust with a thought!
Enough! His bitterness was spoiling the moment. His ally would notice something was wrong. It would be too easy for her to mistake an old frustration for modern anger. He would not explain his frankly ridiculous complaint. Greed was Shinra's folly, not his.
The darkness was a greater threat to Master Aqua, for to her he was none!
"Yes, it is," Sephiroth promised. "We'll destroy it together."
Alone in the tent, Aqua hazily remembered the conclusion to her tired day. They'd stood there for a while; the hug had grown awkward because she hadn't wanted it to end. She was embarrassed, and confused, tangled up in turmoil. Trying not to resent feeling really strongly rescued. She should have more discipline than this! But why? Couldn't she be allowed to feel...
It was scary, realizing 'friendship' didn't describe what she found herself wanting! Kisses, and cuddling, and touch, closeness and sweet secret whispers. Romance? Sephiroth wasn't perfect, certainly not as much as he believed, but he was charming. Powerful, and beautiful... and, okay, kind of a jerk. And a little unhinged, but perhaps she shouldn't judge right now! She was overwhelmed! It was frightening! Being near even the thought of him was driving her wild inside.
If Sephiroth called her 'my precious ally' in that sort-of-purr one more time... she'd probably do something stupid. Like kiss him again (firmly, definitively, boldly, he'd be excited by her confidence!), or declare her undying affection (...again, but without shock or shame, she wouldn't run away), or break into song...
He set her heart aflutter. There was supposed to be beauty in love... some kind of perfection... so why was this hard?
Aqua sighed. Was he really that beautiful, or was it simply impossible, forbidden!, to separate the idea of Sephiroth from the ideal of beauty?
...that sounded way more cynical than she meant it to!
If only she was more eloquent!
What words, to express to him her wish? What appropriate delicate elegance? If she was really brave... she'd never say... not desperate, but sincere...
Show me I'm special to you. Show me until I can't deny it anymore. Until even the darkness can't convince me otherwise.
...I don't blush in my dreams. I hope I dream of you.
She woke up, mouth dry, heart racing, didn't know where she was. Sat on her askew, too-warm sleeping bag, letting panic pass. Breathe. The Realm of Light. They were nightmares. Only dreams. She was herself. Just herself. Master Aqua.
Silence buzzed, cottony in her head. She had to center herself, to...
...get out of this enclosed space! She rose, dizzy, and marched out of the tent.
There was a box of tissues on the ground outside. It was red and white polka-dotted, like Queen Minnie's bow.
Oh. A thoughtful kindness. Because she'd cried earlier...
Sephiroth was perched on a rock, staring at the sun without apparent discomfort.
"I thought it best to let you sleep. How are you feeling?"
Aqua discarded an automatic 'I'm fine' response in favor of truth. "Mushy. Bad headache. A little lost. Bad dreams."
He gave her a sympathetic look. "Would you like your omelet with cheese or without?"
"Um, with, please."
But she didn't smell anything cooking... in fact, their campsite and everything in it smelled as fresh as when they'd arrived. How many days had it been?
Sephiroth must've sensed her confusion. "Cloud is at the restaurant, ordering. He always did want to run a delivery service."
Oh.
There were many things she could say, some more diplomatic than others. But that issue was as close to resolved as it was going to get. Only decency was left.
Aqua chose tactfully, "We'll have to find a way to pay him back... the food probably costs a lot..."
She didn't think it was funny, but Sephiroth laughed, "Don't worry. The heartless are footing the bill."
"I haven't seen any heartless..." Understanding dawned, "You're making him fight them... so... you're protecting the town...?"
"Heh, heroically! I'm protecting us, but I like your interpretation."
"Hmm," she said. Still, the knowledge made her less queasy. "Did you get anything for yourself?"
"Coffee. For nostalgia's sake. I hate the taste. But sometimes... it's useful to remember not to miss the past. To reawaken perspective of pleasant difference. To appreciate what one has now..."
Aqua thought he sounded very wise.
"...but I might steal a piece of your bacon..."
"Don't you dare!" She feigned dramatic offense, joining his obviously playful teasing.
He laughed again, "Alright. Any other requests? Is there anything else you'd like from the town?"
"Something to read, maybe?" Aqua asked. There hadn't been any books in the Realm of Darkness.
"Consider it done."