A/N: Back with more hopelessly dumb boys!
Atem
It's pretty crazy how something that appears so small, so ordinary can silence a room and weigh it down as if gravity was now solid gold. I sit upon my couch staring at the simple envelope, watching it as if may attack at any moment, listening to it's many whispers.
Where did it come from? What did it cost? Will anyone seek it? Will it bring danger … or is it simply money?
I don't know. And it scares me.
Mahad had offered to take it with him tonight, so I might not be tempted to spend it. But the fear of what this might have cost had my mind up in that regard. I cannot let him take it home. If anyone does come looking for this then I will not be inviting that danger into their home.
I could do as Akefia advised, deposit it slowly to not rouse suspicion. I'd be best making it a by monthly trip, even and calculated so it appears to be a regular payment, perhaps from a home business.
Or… I could spend it. Not on alcohol or gambling, but on something useful. A large sum. I could purchase a new car, I could refurnish my house and replace everything Tea took in the divorce. If I spend it, that surely would not rouse anyone's suspicions and the money would be too distributed to trace back to me.
I reach for the cash and quickly begin laying it out on the table. Manah and Mahad watch me curiously, I can feel their confused stares. I am more focused on the prints though. I feel it in my fingers, hold it up to the light, count the digits - it's real. And they're non consecutive so he did not rob an ATM or a bank. That's a relief.
"So what are you going to do?" Mahad asks quietly.
I shake my head slowly and sit back on the couch. "I don't know…" I whisper.
"He doesn't owe you anymore, and you're not in any more debt. In fact you've got quite the nest egg now. Assuming you don't blow it all on booze or games you should be right for a while." Manah says lightly. I agree with her. This … if nothing comes of this then I'm set. All my financial woes of the last several months can be considered gone with this. If I don't fuck it up.
"I… don't think I'll do anything with it for now." I say finally. This feels like the right thing to do. "I'll hide it, put it away somewhere. Just in case."
"Just in case of what?" Mahad asks slowly. Looking at him is the only answer he needs. We're all thinking it, we just don't want to voice it.
The possibility that Akefia has committed a serious crime for this money. It's possible that perhaps the last argument I had with him got under his skin too much. Perhaps I pushed him this far. What did he do though? I don't want to believe he hurt anyone but …
… He went to prison for multiple charges, the worst among them being an accessory to murder. If he's in with the wrong people again… Just for a stupid debt.
Damn it brother. What the hell have you done?
"Do you want me to hide it for you? So you don't…" Mahad begins and I stand to collect the money back into the envelope.
"No. I'll be okay. Like Manah said, my financial woes are in the past now. Thanks to your help. I should be okay, and if I get the urge… well… I'll spend my money not this." I say, looking around for any suitable spot that it can stay safe and unseen, by even me.
I take it to the kitchen and climb the benches so I can put it up high and out of sight. Above my mounted cupboards is a thin enough space that collects nothing but layers upon layers of dust. I will forget about it up here but at least I won't spend it.
"This way." I say, sliding it into the farthest corner before hopping back down. "I shouldn't be tempted. If no one comes looking for it in a few weeks then I'll start depositing it but until then, it's safe."
"I hope nothing comes of this." Manah says uneasily.
We all agree. The tension is so strong. I'm honestly shaken and could use a drink. Not a lot, just something to take the edge off. "Do you guys want to go out with me? Get a casual drink to celebrate no more debts?" I ask them, swaying slightly and shrugging my shoulders. I hope they agree.
"Sure that's okay?" Mahad asks me, his voice laced with worry.
I appreciate the concern but honestly I don't want to get drunk. I just want some fresh air and to be taken away from here for an hour or so. "Yeah. Nothing big, just … it'd be nice to get out for a little bit."
"In that case, dinner first?" Mahad suggests and I already feel the air around us lifting.
We enjoyed some fast food for dinner, which is a rare delicacy for us. I am used to a diet of rationed rice and they are both excellent cooks. But fast food before drinking really hits the spot and it's nice to have a decent meal for a change.
After that we ended up at the very same club I know Yugi plays at. I've avoided this place like the plague this past week, and I admit being here now makes me feel quite alert. I'm nervous to see Yugi and a little hopeful he doesn't see me. But Manah mentioned I'd been avoiding him and so both of them think it'd be good if we do chance a run in with him. Not that we're looking, but it's no excuse to avoid coming here.
To my relief though it is too early for the LIVE hour to start so as we get inside and order a single drink of our choice, Yugi is not on stage.
We find a small table to sit at and enjoy people watching. Soft music is playing and some people are dancing, but most are talking among themselves or watching the various sport channels on the TV.
I swirl my whiskey around slowly but I think I drank so much last week I don't even really care for it. It's too strong tonight… or maybe it's just not hitting the spot. Akefia's visit really threw me off.
"Its been a while since we got to hang out like this." Manah sighs a breath of relief and it makes me smile.
"Yeah it has. I'm sorry I haven't been all that down to hang lately." I say warmly and she shakes her head at me.
"No, it's fine. You've been going through a lot and you haven't really been able to escape us this week."
"I expected we'd see Yugi though. Since you spent practically all week with him the week before." Mahad muses.
I do my best to ignore the way my heart hammers at hearing his name and swallow my whiskey down to silence it. I miss him. To the point it hurts. It's pretty ridiculous actually. I've barely known him for that long… but I made a complete asshat of myself and I really need to apologise for it. That must be why it hurts. I feel guilty and ashamed for my behaviour - I just can't seem to build up the courage to text him and the longer it takes the harder it becomes.
"Didn't you say he plays here?" Manah asks, looking around toward the stage. But she won't see him yet. It's not time yet.
"He goes by Mao I believe." Mahad says idly.
"That's his stage name yeah." I assent quietly, twirling my empty glass lazily.
"I'd love to get to know him better. From what you've told us he's an amazing musician and he seemed so nice and shy." Manah says happily.
"He's very polite and considerate too. Definitely not the image I had in my head when you spoke of him." Mahad laughs.
"You make it sound like I was gushing over him." I roll my eyes and look around toward the bar. I wonder if I should get another drink.
"Well maybe not gushing but I haven't seen you that inspired or that happy in a long while." Manah said, leaning on the table to catch my attention. "You should text him and let him know we're here to support his show."
My immediate reaction is to deny her. But the hesitation considers the possibility. Could that be a good way of reopening dialogue? Would it be weird after nearly a week of not seeing one another at all to tell him we're here and waiting for his show? Without even addressing how I was last week? Or… would he be upset that I don't tell him we're here. That I'm here but not even to see him… would that make it worse? If he gets up on stage and sees us here… will he feel slighted that I didn't tell him we were coming? I mean, we didn't intend to come for a show… I'd hoped we would have gone somewhere else but he doesn't need to know that.
"You might not need to text him." Mahad says suddenly.
I look up at his face and follow his sight towards the entrance. Moments later I hear excited murmurs of some patrons calling out for Mao and cheering that he's here. It's nice he has a little fan group but I can't deny I feel a slight amount of jealousy. I know him much better than any fangirl here.
But regardless he is here. He walks in with his friends, dressed in a large black hoody and tight jeans. I don't see any instruments on him though. I wonder if he's playing tonight. It is his night to play.
He offers some fans a smile and a wave but otherwise follows his small group over to a table I feel he frequents. I turn back around before he sees me, or catches me staring. I feel… kinda weird now and like I'd much rather leave. My chest hurts and the pain flashes down to my core.
I should be braver than this. I just need to apologise. Whether he forgives me isn't an issue… so long as he knows I'm sorry and won't bother him anymore.
"You should go say hi." Manah says cheerfully.
I shrink a little, hanging my head lower. "He's with his friends." I mutter quietly.
"So? Go introduce yourself." Why is she pressing this?
"I already know them."
"No problem then. We'll be fine if you wanna go say -"
"I don't." My snap came out harsher than I wanted and I feel so bad now. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I just… I don't want to interrupt his night." I say quietly. God I want to go home and hide.
She doesn't look hurt; in fact she gives me a sad smile of understanding if anything and leans on her forearms. "You're worried he doesn't want to see you?"
I don't know how to answer that. Of course I'm worried about that, there's no point voicing it.
"Look." Mahad begins quietly, following his wifes example by leaning on the table. "What you do is up to you, but I think it'd be good for you to at least thank him for looking out for you. He didn't have to go to the lengths he did to make sure you were safe."
… he's right. I know he is. But I… can I really ask him aside? If he's not playing tonight then maybe he's not in the mood for this.
But he is here… this is an opportunity to do it right rather than cowardly through text.
I need another shot. "I'm gonna get a refill."
"Atem." Mahad says sharply but it's a warning, not a disapproval.
"Just one. I need some liquid courage." I say, shrugging and ignoring him.
I order a larger shot this time and anxiously wait, drumming my fingers along the bar as I try to think about what to even say.
Should I ask him to step aside with me so we can talk in private? I'm not exactly keen on embarrassing myself in front of his friends. But what do I even say? Thank you for dragging my drunk ass home and I'm incredibly sorry for acting like a complete creep? God, I feel it'd just be better if I just left him alone. He doesn't need the apology of someone like me. The best apology I can offer is to just not bother him again…
"Hey. Atem, right?"
I turn to the friendly British accent in surprise and I'm met with one of Yugi's friends. Ryou I think his name was.
He blinks in surprise when I face him but he quickly smiles and relaxes, leaning casually on the bar. His eyes seem to address me and I quickly remember that I look very different to the last time I spoke with him.
"You uhh, shaved. Looks good." He says happily and I feel my cheeks flush. Idly I brush the back of my fingers along my jaw and take a quick look around us. Yugi is still with his friends, unaware I'm standing beside one of them.
"Yeah… I needed to. How are you?" I ask in a friendly manner.
"I'm good, actually. How have you been?"
That's a loaded question that begs an answer too heavy for an acquaintance. I don't particularly feel like lying but I'm not about to go bringing down the room. "Oh you know, fine fine. The usual I guess."
That should work. No one who's making small talk presses further than that.
"That's good. So why the… change?" He asks, gesturing to his own jaw with a smirk.
I laugh lightly and thank the barkeep for my drink with a nod. "I'm going back to work and I guess looking presentable is important for desk work."
"Ah! Kaiba has his demands." Ryou jests but he's so right there.
"Yes he does." He says idly, sipping my fresh drink. It feels better having this in hand.
"Are you here alone?" He asks. "We're um just over there."
I follow his glance and return to shouldering my drink. This is my opportunity to go over there not awkwardly but I still feel apprehensive. "Um… I'm actually here with a couple of friends." I say quietly.
"Oh, well if you change your mind our table is open. We're always happy to make new friends." He says kindly before leaning in closer to speak quietly. "And between you and me, I think Yugi would be happy to see you."
My heart flutters rudely… such a traitor. "Really?" I ask him, painfully aware of how vulnerable I sound.
He smiles at me and tilts his head curiously. "Yeah. He … well he can be stubborn but he really likes you. Don't tell him I said this but I think he misses you."
"Misses me?" I ask with a small frown. I wonder how much Ryou knows. Did Yugi tell him about me getting drunk? Does he know we haven't seen each other all week?
"Yeah. He's been a little distracted this week, hence why we're just hanging out tonight, and he's barely said much about you but I know. He can't hide much from me."
Distracted huh? I wonder why. What does that mean? "Is he okay?"
Ryou hesitates and straightens up, clearly a bit uncomfortable now. It worries me. "Yeah. He says he's been studying but I know him. Can I… ask… and its okay if this too pertinent a question, but did something happen between you?"
… I don't know how to answer that. Yes… but not even I fully comprehend what exactly. By rights his friends shouldn't push me towards him. I'm a drunk washed up has been that creepily hit on their friend during one of his manic episodes. If he knew that then he wouldn't be so kind with his words.
"I… I think I pushed a line."
He's quiet and I think I just want to go back to my friends now. Getting out of here sounds pretty good to be honest. What good can come of an apology from someone like me than unnecessarily stirring the pot? If Yugi is disturbed by me then I should just leave and let him be.
"As someone he confides in, may I offer an opinion?"
"Sure." I sigh, tipping my glass up for another sip.
"It's my opinion as his best friend that he wants to see you but he is confused. I believe the only person capable of clearing his mind might be you. Afterall, there's a significant misunderstanding between you that only the two of you can make sense of."
He says this so wisely that it takes me off guard. I didn't expect such a leveled answer from someone like him, someone his age… but he smiles at me like he wields wisdom beyond his years and I am powerless under it.
He touches my shoulder and begins juggling the drinks he must have been sent to collect. "Think about talking to him. I'm sure he'd love it." He says kindly before he awkwardly walks off with them.
I don't know what compels me exactly but I skull the rest of mine, hissing at the sudden kick and hastily catch up to him. I startle him with my quick movements but I offer my assistance and take two of the drinks off him to which he smiles gratefully for.
I follow him to their table, taking measured breaths to calm my nerves and before I know it we're here.
They look at us expectedly and as expected they're all surprised to see me accompanying their friend.
"Atem?"
"Oh hey!" Tristan and Joey greet me happily.
I let Ryou slide the drinks to their owners and I stand here fairly awkwardly. "Hey. How are you?" I ask automatically.
"We're good, how are you?" Tristan asks kindly.
"You shaved." Joey notes and it makes me laugh. Idly I touch my cheek again. I wonder how many people are going to be surprised about this.
"Yes, it was about time I think." I say shyly.
My gaze falls on Yugi who's remained unfortunately silent but he's looking at me curiously, his lips slightly parted and his eyes wide. When he catches me looking at him he smiles kindly but I can feel there is something in the air between us.
"Hi, Yugi." I say shyly and he blinks away whatever trance he might have been in.
"Hi! Sorry… I barely recognise you." He laughs nervously. I missed his laughter. Even with so much unsaid right now it brings a smile to my face.
Ryou nudges me in the ribs and I take that as a hint to say something. I haven't planned this at all and I can't just wait for him. I need to be the big man for once.
"Uhm…" God I need a drink for this. "Do you um wanna come up to the bar with me?" I ask him. Idiot! He just got his drink, why would -
"Sure." He says quietly, much to my surprise!
He scoots out from his spot, taking his drink with him and Ryou is happy to sit down once he does. Then he walks passed me with a shy little glance.
Okay Atem. You already fucked up, this is your chance to set it right. Don't fuck this up!
I glance over at my friends who throw me a wink and a thumbs up at me. Glad I have their support but after this I am going home and hiding.
We get to the bar and I begrudgingly order one more shot of whiskey. This is my last one. I don't want a repeat but I need something to keep me going.
The silence is deafening but I'm not sure how to start.
"S-so. You look nice. Without the beard I mean. Not that you didn't with it but I mean, I guess I just couldn't imagine you without it. But you look good, great even. It suits you…" His stammering is very endearing and it actually someone eases my own nerves to hear such compliments from him.
"Thank you. I um… kind of needed to. I'm going back to work soon and Kaiba wouldn't let me come back unless I did so."
He nods and my cheeks flush under his curious looks. "I imagine a place like Kaiba Corp would have a strict dress code."
"Yeah." I breathe. I'm thankful my drink has arrived. I don't even need to sip it yet, it just feels good having it in my hands.
"So…" Just do it Atem. "I'm sorry. For my behaviour last week."
I glance at him to check his response and I see he's waiting patiently, with a confused look creasing his brow.
"I said and did some things while I was drunk that was incredibly inappropriate and I'm afraid I may have crossed several lines that I shouldn't have and I want to sincerely apologise for making you uncomfortable. I also want to thank you for looking after me and making sure that I was safe. I know I didn't give you much choice but we barely know one another and I made a complete ass of myself. I'm really sorry, and I'm very grateful and … I'd understand if you'd rather not have much else to do with me after this."
The words spilled out of my mouth faster than I could grasp but every word was honest and sincere. What he does with them now… is his choice. I just hope he has heard how sincere I was.
He gives me a sad smile, which is a good start I hope. Then he sighs and shakes his head slightly.
"Atem. I accept your apology but you really don't need to feel like you have to." He turns to the bar and restlessly taps his fingers along the wood. He takes a deep breath before speaking again. "See… the truth is that … I've been avoiding you and it's stupid because you've not done anything wrong. I just… I had a lot I needed to sort through, and I'm still not convinced I know what I'm doing. Even now I'm scared I'm gonna screw everything up if I say the wrong thing. But I want you to know that I'm fine with how you were, I honestly understand where you were coming from and I'm no stranger to doing stupid shit while drunk. I shouldn't have avoided you though. I made you think you were a problem and that's simply not true. I've been handling myself poorly and I'm sorry. I didn't intend to make anything awkward between us by not talking, especially right after that night. Of course it would play on your mind like that. But maybe, we can find a way to move past that? I'd… I'd like to keep talking to you and hanging out if you want to."
Every word he spoke was like a spell he was casting. A spell that hurt, a spell that eased, a spell that both reassured and worried me. He wasn't angry with me. He wasn't creeped out by me. He wants to continue whatever this is. But he's also conflicted and I don't quite understand why.
Have I misread him? Have I been so stuck in my own shit that I've missed whatever troubles he could be facing? Has his smiles and bright attitude been a ruse to hide whatever is lurking underneath and have I been taking full advantage of that for the sake of my own sanity?
He's been there for me, he's done more than his fair share of work for this friendship. I should really pull my weight here.
"Yugi." I reach for his hand but hesitate. I don't know why I did that but surely that'd make him uncomfortable. "First of all, yes I want to continue being friends. You've been a literal light in my dark life that I am not too eager to walk away from. But second of all, you once extended your ear to me if I ever needed it, and in return I offered the same. I'm offering that again. As far as I'm concerned I owe you for what you did for me. If there's anything you need help with, anything you want to talk about… I'm here and wanting to help."
He smiles sadly at me before his eyes land on my hand. I catch him chew his lip and then he touches me. His hand is shaking and I'm tense, but as his thumb slides over the top of my hand I begin to relax. I guess this is fine.
"It's nothing huge. But… I want to know a few things about you. I just don't really know how to ask. If you're willing… could I ask you to be patient with me while I find the words or figure it out myself?" He asks, his voice forced and unsure.
I'm honestly unsure of what to make of that but if he's asking this of me, it's far from impossible. "Of course. I'll wait for you to come to me. I won't push." I respond sincerely.
His smile doesn't quite reach his eyes and he quickly retracts his hands and looks away. I'm not sure what he's feeling but I feel like I'm somehow making it worse. And I'm not sure if I can ask.
"I have… one question I want to ask now and it might change everything." He says but his voice shakes and he looks positively rattled. It… concerns me.
"Sure?"
He takes his time, drawing circles into the bar with a nervous finger until he finally gathers his courage to ask "W-what… how…? If I said I -" He starts several times and in the end shakes his head and keeps his eyes closed. "How do you feel about the LGBT community?"
…
The penny is falling… but which way will it land? That's a big question. An easy one for me to answer but exactly why is he asking?
"How do I feel? I support it of course. I don't mind who loves or gets involved with who so long as it's not hurting anyone. "
He nods slowly and breathes out through his nose. I sense the air around us is tense though. This topic is a controversial one but he doesn't seem like the type to be against the community. "Yugi? Why do you ask?"
He turns to me with a forced smile, standing taller and broader than before. He's hiding something.
"I'm glad to hear that. I'm actually … into guys myself so it's reassuring that you're accepting of that, right?"
Oh! That makes sense and I think I'm understanding. Honestly I thought I'd be more surprised but I'm feeling pretty great about that. Like… relieved… I think. But why?
"Of course! I think it's actually really great that you've found yourself and are comfortable with telling me. Thank you for trusting me with that."
He sighs heavily in relief and we laugh lightly. I don't know why I'm laughing though. "Thank God. You honestly had me so confused. With what you said and did while you were drunk and then there was a moment at the beach… but I get it now. I was definitely reading too far into things and I'm sorry for that. If you're happy then I'd love to just continue as is." He says happily… it's convincing…but I'm not completely fooled.
He's disappointed perhaps… maybe I gave him the wrong idea...but I was honest in everything I've said or done… I meant it all. I wanted to touch him like that, I wanted to say those things and see him smile. I've itched to see him…
Once again I find myself questioning whether Yugi is just a new friend in my life or something more.
He's something more definitely. He's so much more… but what?
I'm not wrong about myself right?
"I'm glad we talked." He says suddenly and I feel like I'm about to miss something. I want to redo that, take back what I said… but what would I change? It's too late now anyway. "Did you wanna head back to the table?"
"Uhh … " What am I doing? I feel so confused and I'd really like the world to stop right now so I can catch up. "Actually I'm here with Mahad and Manah. I should probably get back to them." I say quietly.
"Oh. Okay! Sure. Well we should hang again soon. Oh! You said you were going back to work soon?" He seems bright and enthusiastic now at least. I can figure this out later.
"Yes! Monday. 9 to 5."
"Working hard for that living." He laughs happily. "Well how about you text me when you're free. I'm sure we'll get a chance to hang soon."
"Sounds good." I say with a happy nod.
My heart is thumping hard and neither one of us moves at first. It's weird how I'm always reluctant to leave him but then, seemingly forced, he smiled and we say our goodbyes.
I take my drink with me and the larger the distance between us grows the easier it becomes to breathe. I don't get it… but I feel like I don't really know myself anymore.
"Hey!"
Manah's happy and carefree voice and the way she bounces serves as a great distraction though.
"How'd it go?" She asks me, like a ravenous wolf the way she thirsts for gossip.
"It went fine. We're all good." I say, and I'm happy that I can say that honestly at least. I may have some… questions? Concerns? But I can at least say that that apology went better than I expected and we seem to be okay now.
I can't sleep.
I keep thinking about Yugi. I just… now that I'm laying here trying to get to sleep, all I can think of is all the time I've spent with him and realising that this whole time he's gay.
Not that I have an issue with that. People are free to be attracted to whoever they like, I just didn't pick it. At all. I'm just surprised.
But also I feel kind of happy about it and I can't exactly figure out why. I mean, I figured that as a musician he'd have fans. He'd have fangirls throwing themselves at him. I've not seen it happen at any of the shows he's performed but he plays at quiet clubs where the people aren't so ravenous. But knowing that if he did have fangirls that they'd stand no chance well… I don't know, I'm relieved.
How would I feel if he had a boyfriend? I'd be happy for him wouldn't I?
No… I'd be put off. I'd feel worried he wouldn't want to spend time with me. I think I'd feel threatened… but it's not like he's mine.
Oh… if he was…
I shiver with the thought and my entire body feels a rush of cold course through it. My cheeks are tingling and I feel suddenly flushed and overcome with an excited energy that makes me unable to stop smiling.
Maybe… maybe I'm not as straight as I thought. I mean… I've never found another guy attractive. I've known seen enough men in my life to appreciate who is considered attractive but they've never moved me…
But I feel almost possessive of Yugi. He makes me feel warm and alive, he makes me feel young and happy. So happy. The happiest I've been in months. Fearing I'd fucked things up … well it was one of the most pressing things on my mind.
I can't really see myself with another guy… but Yugi? Could I see myself with him? How do I know what I am? Is he an exception to the rule or the key to a world I didn't expect to be a part of? How do I know?
Yugi
I can't play a thing.
I lay my guitar down beside me and flop back onto my bed, pulling at my hair and groaning in frustration.
What is wrong with me? So hung up over a guy.
I'm glad we're talking again but this sucks. I'd hoped to just get over him and see where that takes me, but now we're friends again but I know there's absolutely no hope for this to be more.
I mean… he didn't say he was straight but he might as well have. He supports the community at least and he's cool with me being gay. But I'd hoped admitting that to him might lead him into telling me the same thing. But I guess not… that pretty much means he's straight right?
"So what the fuck was that at the beach!" I say loudly, grabbing my pillow and holding it tightly over my face.
I can't get it out of my head! The way he looked at me, the tender way in which he touched my cheek, the hesitant look in his eyes as he stared at my lips. The way he inched closer and closer…
Then he got fucking drunk and said in my ear he wants to be close to me! It took him some time to remember that but he did, and he apologised for it, told me he was inappropriate and crossed a line… so what, he's just an affectionate drunk? No straight I know is that affectionate to the same sex. Flirty sure, but practically about to makeout with my neck? Nah…
God! I'm so fucking confused! Thanks to that I can't play shit! I've been unable to concentrate on anything. My studies, my music… I'm even distracted at work. I just can't stop wishing for it all to be something more.
I'm such an idiot. Get over him already!
I roll over and pull my phone over to me. Even though we're talking now I'm disappointed I don't have any messages from him. I wonder if I should be the first… what would I say?
Hi is too weird. How are you might be fine… maybe I should ask him what he's up to tonight? Just pretend that everything isn't weird and I'm not obsessing over him.
I scroll back up my socials list and tap on Ryou's name. I don't know what to say I just… I want to chat with someone.
Me: [Hey… what's wrong with me? Why can't I stop thinking about him?]
I don't know if Ryou is there. But I feel kind of tired now… I want to play but I just can't… everything I play is dumb.
I'd love to feel inspired again, like he makes me feel when he listens, when he compliments me.
Ryou: [There's nothing wrong with you. You like him, he means something to do and it's natural to feel what you are feeling.]
…
Me: [Yeah but there's no chance. I should just get over him.]
…
It hurts to think that… I can't believe I'm so strung up over this. He's a stranger I barely know and here I am going crazy over him.
Ryou: [It might take some time. Feelings like this don't just go away.]
Hmph.
Me: [Well they sure as hell intrude quickly enough.]
This is frustrating. If he's straight why the hell did he confuse me so much? Gah!
Ryou: [I know man. I'm sorry…]
With a huff I toss my phone away and roll over.
Feelings suck.