JENNIE
A blast of warm air engulfed me when I opened the front doors of the business school. Grateful for the heat, I claimed a corner of the couch in the lobby and curled up in a ball. I was early for my study group.
Maybe, before the building locked up for the night, I could sneak back in and crash on this couch. I was desperate enough to try.
I could hear my parents' voices chorusing Jisoo would NEVER…
No, she wouldn't. Jisoo would never be up all night either, terrified in the cold and dark like a little kid, because she'd blown all her cash in the name of fun.
Two people strolled by who I knew from a marketing class, and I chatted cheerily with them like I was having the best day. When they left, I pulled out my homework. I was behind.
As the words blurred in front of me, I saw everyone smirking in Victorian Lit. Heard their laughter. Felt the click of my heels as I hurried to Professor Lowe to apologize.
Any other day, falling asleep in class would be a minor embarrassment. It wasn't my usual, but I'd laugh it off and move on. Now, I felt a wave of shame.
And in my head, apologizing to Professor Lowe played out differently.
He didn't chuckle and tell me not to worry. Instead, he frowned. His voice turned disapproving.
I'm very disappointed in you, Jennie.
I'm sorry, I said breathlessly. So, so sorry. Please, I'll do anything.
Oh, Jesus. Not now. I pushed my homework away and rattled around in my purse, looking for candy, gum, my phone, anything.
But when I did, all I could think about was the eighteen dollars and thirty-one cents in my wallet. I'd counted and recounted it in the bathroom stall, like I expected the money to multiply and have bill babies.
Five dollars, I could borrow from somebody. But I needed a few hundred.
Anything? Professor Lowe repeated, his eyebrow quirking. Then follow me to my office. Lucas, since you're here, please follow me too. Jennie's going to need a firm hand.
Jennie, seriously? Lucas?
I gave up. Gave in. Escaped into the fantasy, because I didn't have the strength to fight it off right now.
Professor Lowe's office door closed and locked with a firm click. I bent over the desk, wearing one of my old cheerleading uniforms, vulnerable with my skirt flipped up. Firm spanks landed on my ass. I didn't know whose breath was on me, whose zipper was coming down, whose hands were stripping off my clothes as Professor Lowe lectured about disciplining me in front of the entire class next time.
Desperately embarrassed, I pleaded that I was sorry. I begged Lucas to forget the money I owed him.
I'll do whatever you want, I gasped. Just don't make me pay.
These were the fantasies no one knew about, the fantasies I'd never share. The fantasies that made me come, alone, when no one was watching and no one expected anything of me.
I felt warm now, inside and out. But suddenly a different hand gripped me between my legs in the daydream. A deep voice whispered words that were softer and far more humiliating. I shuddered.
The bustling B-School lobby blurred in front of me.
This wasn't about Professor Lowe, and it wasn't about Lucas.
This was all about avoiding the guy I really wanted.
Lisa.
I'd laid eyes on Lisa a week before Thanksgiving, when Rosé, Maria, Ashley and I went to a party together and called it girls' night. No boyfriends, no hookups, no dancing with anyone male — just us girls, enjoying the fuck out ourselves in the middle of the dance floor.
I wasn't looking. I had a boyfriend — Kai. I was with my girls. And we were having the best time, laughing, grinding, the right number of drinks in us, the DJ on point, when I caught a pair of intent brown eyes across the crowded room.
Eyes that were watching me.
The owner of those eyes was tall. Seriously built. Broad, but not husky. "Husky" implied "cuddly snugglebunny." This person was an efficient mountain of muscle with zero cuddle factor. She stood alone and silent, well-dressed in a dark grey shirt and fitted black pants, ample space around her even in the crowded room.
Her gaze wasn't friendly, but it was interested. When our eyes locked, she didn't look away.
And…damn. I thought I knew desire — the nerves, the butterflies.
This was no butterfly. This was a roar of heat that rushed my body. My mouth fucking watered. My nipples tightened suddenly and painfully. An ache throbbed between my legs that made it hard to dance.
Our gaze held. And held. And held.
We were locked in an out-and-out staring contest.
I barely noticed Maria's curls brushing my neck, Ashley's sharp nose poking my shoulder, and Rosé grinding on me the way she did when she wanted attention. I let them move me in place while everyone bobbed and rocked around us.
Sweet Jesus, I could feel this guy on me. Against me. On top of me. I was an exposed nerve, frozen in her gaze, on fire. I was determined as fuck to win this contest, but if she looked away first, I knew what that would really mean: I lost.
Her eyes were the palest brown. Freaking me out, turning me on, making me dizzy as I kept my eyes on her through every note of the song.
A faint smile played over her lips. I licked my own lips, unable to smile back as she leaned against a column and folded her arms over her powerful chest.
I couldn't take the heat, the cold, the strangeness and excitement of this kind of eye contact. With anyone, but especially a stranger.
And she was ripped. My eyes dropped to her biceps.
When I looked back up at her, her smile took over her face. A brief flash, gone in an instant. She mouthed something at me. It looked a lot like I won.
You wish, I mouthed back.
Right then, Rosé grabbed my face and positioned me so I was looking at her. She leaned in, her long blonde hair tickling my shoulders.
"No, I am not making out with you," I yelled over the music.
"I know that." She pouted and went for a kiss on the cheek. "Stop looking around! It's girls night. I'm not looking." And you're with Kai, she didn't need to say.
"Ladies!" Ashley hooted. "Do we have a problem?"
"God, I love you guys. I love you so fucking much." Maria smushed us all together in a sweaty hug. We were on to the mushy-drunk stage.
Rosé was getting kissy again, and I was closest to her. That was probably her tongue in my ear, wet and warm, but in the crush of bodies and haze of alcohol, I didn't really care.
I sneaked a glance to the side. Brown Eyes still watched me, her lip curled in amusement now. No, worse than that — condescension. She was laughing at me.
I bristled, but a new, sharp heat curled through my stomach. It tilted me off-balance. When I glared at her, she turned away.
"Is it just me, or is it hot in here?" Ashley fanned herself.
Maria slung an arm around my neck. "My throat is so dry."
"I'll get drinks." I untangled myself from six arms and fought through the crowded dance floor.
"I want a decent mixed drink, Jennie," Rosé yelled. Her voice carried across the room. "Not that nasty-ass punch."
"You got it," I called back, and whirled to face a solid chest. My arm brushed smooth fabric — a dark button-down shirt. The sleeves were rolled up, putting massive forearms on display.
Brown Eyes was in front of me. The two feet of space between us felt much too far, and not nearly far enough.
Every drop of perspiration on my skin popped into sparks. My hair hung down, hot and heavy. I'd taken care with styling it this evening, but all the heat tools and hairspray in the world couldn't keep it from frizzing out in this sweaty party atmosphere.
As I twisted it into a dark rope, her gaze followed its length.
"I'm just — getting some drinks," I announced.
"Enjoy." She swept a hand towards the bar. "There's plenty there for you."
Her voice was deep, calm, and surprisingly quiet. It cut through the pounding music and commanded my attention.
"You're not having anything?" I asked.
"I don't drink."
"At all? "
She said nothing.
The glint of gold on her hand caught my eye. I took her fingers in mine, way more forward than my usual, to look at her fraternity ring. It was worn around the edges. The crest and letters were softened, the metal nicked. She wasn't the first owner of that ring.
"You're in Kappa Sig? I know some guys in there." I kept the tone chatty, flipping back my hair. "I'm closest to James. He's like a little brother to me. He calls me for advice on everything."
"Parker or Ulloa?"
"Ulloa."
"He's a good kid." His thumb brushed mine.
"Are you a good kid?" I was trying for another smile from her, but I felt weighted. I could hardly breathe.
"I'm not a kid."
A pulse leapt between us. Her hand was huge, cool against my sweaty one. Suddenly, I felt like I was petting a wild animal — a lone wolf, acting tame for reasons of its own. Waiting patiently to pounce.
It was time to let her hand go. I didn't.
"If you don't drink, what's the point of being here tonight?" I stared up at her. "What are you even doing in Kappa Sig?"
"Good question." Slowly, casually, her thumb brushed my palm. My breathing quickened. My skin prickled, just from holding hands. My boyfriend, my best friends, girls' night, and the party all faded into the background. I stood in front of this stranger, my self-control threatening to dissolve.
"What are you doing here all alone?" I breathed.
"What are you doing all alone?" she countered.
"I'm not," I retorted, stung. "I'm with my friends." I snatched my hand away and pointed to the center of the dance floor, where the three of them were grinding in a tight knot.
Brown Eyes put her hands in her pockets. "I know. I saw them."
Cold arms wrapped around me from behind in a sloppy hug. Male arms. I caught a whiff of spicy cologne.
"Baby," a voice rasped in my ear. "I've been looking all over for you."
"Kai?" I twisted around. "What are you doing here?"
Normally, Kai was careful with his appearance. Tonight, he looked like he'd mashed up a business student with a rocker dude and left the house before they could untangle themselves. His crisp pink oxford shirt clashed with tight black pants, covered with zippers, that I'd only seen him wear onstage.
"I need you to be a good influence on me." He tried to kiss my ear, but it was more of a slobbery lick. His dark eyes gleamed as his hair swung forward, brushing his jaw. "Can't be without my good-luck charm all night. Look at you. You're the most beautiful woman in the room, like always."
"Kai, this is girls' night. I told you that."
He nuzzled me, tightening his hold, and jerked his head toward Brown Eyes.
"Yeah. That's not a girl."
"And you are…?" Brown Eyes asked with exaggerated politeness
"This is my boyfriend, Kai," I said quickly, wriggling free, before Kai could make an ass out of himself. "And this is…" I gestured toward Brown Eyes, waiting for her to fill in her name.
"Hell-o?" Rosé jumped on top of me in a tackle-hug, almost knocking me over. Her voice was hoarse from partying. "What does a girl have to do to get a drink around here? I've been waiting forever… Oh hey, big boy," she cooed, sliding to the floor and straightening Kai's collar. "That shirt with those pants? Really? Call me next time you get dressed."
"Off my boyfriend, bitch," I said automatically. Rosé would flirt with a post. No one took it seriously.
"Someone has to take care of him." She shrugged a tanned shoulder and turned to Brown Eyes, her brows arched. "Who's this?"
"No one." She gave her a tight smile and squeezed past her without saying goodbye.
But I caught a glimpse of her on the other side of the pillar, scribbling on a napkin. As Rosé bickered with Kai about his outfit, a body passed behind me. A crinkle of paper was pushed into my free hand. My fingers closed around it.
As flashing lights criss-crossed the darkness, I stared at the two words on the napkin.
little lies
That was it. In handwriting so neat and precise, it didn't seem human. At least, not at a sloshed party on a Friday night.
A few things happened after that night.
Kai gave me his first "I'm very concerned about your well-being" speech, because after Brown Eyes left the party, I got sloshed.
Hangover and all, I couldn't get those cold eyes out of my head.
And after spending a day with her note in my purse, I stalked her online.
It wasn't hard. All I had to do was bring up the Kappa Sigma website, go through the hundred guys in the group photo, and…boom.
Back row, on the left, half a head taller than the guys on either side, with eyes like a chilly river. A hint of a smile instead of the wide white grins on most of the faces. She stood shoulder-to-shoulder with her row, that indefinable space around her. Alone in a picture of a hundred men.
I scanned the names until I found her.
Lisa Manoban.
As I suspected, there wasn't much about Lisa Manoban on the internet. She was a senior. She'd wrestled on the university team freshman and sophomore year. She'd gone to high school in a small town I'd never heard of.
The only other clue came from a two-year-old article about study abroad programs in our campus newspaper, The Lighthouse. It was written by a girl named Diana Silvers.
"I've never traveled before," says Manoban. "Whatever happens in Rome, I know it'll be life-changing." Manoban will spend her junior year in Italy, the article went on, where she'll study economics at the University of Rome.
That was it. No profiles, nothing on social media.
I'd never seen her before. I shouldn't try to see her again. I was with Kai, and boyfriend or no, Lisa was bad news. On a campus of 40,000 people, it would be easy to avoid her.
But that night, after Kai finished, after he told me I was sooooo hot, rolled over, and fell asleep — after I'd pretended to finish too because it was easier than trying and failing while Kai kept asking doesn't this feel good, isn't that nice, baby, don't you want me as much as I want you? — I touched myself to the thought of those brown eyes watching.
Those huge hands holding my ankles open.
That deep voice telling me I was going to come for her whether I liked it or not.
That I was hers, helpless and excited, to do with as she pleased.
That I could never, ever lie to her, because she'd always know the truth.
And look, what a good girl, coming so hard and so out of control…
When my heartbeat slowed, I opened my free hand. Clutched in it was the cocktail napkin.
Shakily, I smoothed it out, tiptoed to my desk while Kai slept, and hid the napkin inside.
I thought about Lisa, and I swore to stay away.
"Jennie!"
A voice broke in on my reverie. Allison waved at me from across the B-School lobby.
My study group was here.
Nate jogged over, begging to see my notes — because Jennie always has her shit together — and Kyla wanted to know if I'd brought snacks as usual. Allison pulled off her gloves and asked if everyone had done the reading.
As we walked to the second-floor lounge, I took one last peek in my bag at the invitation for the Kappa Sig party.
"Plans for tonight?" Allison asked.
"We'll see." Pasting on a smile, I pushed the invitation to the bottom of my tote bag.
11 pm.